Master Apprentice Archive Quick search:

Jailbait

by KatBear (katbear@cox.net)

Archive: MA, QJEB, BIC. Any others please ask.
Category: angst, non-con, h/c, first time (sort of)
Rating: NC17
Pairing: O/other, Q/O
Feedback: Appreciated, especially constructive criticism. Grammar, plotline, characters, continuity or whatever - if you think something could be improved please let me know.
Thanks to the beta readers - for help with comments and encouragement, Thalia for the first draft, Tem-Ve and Gloriana for plowing through the monster final draft, and especially Emu for putting up with so many iterations of the story and letting me know honestly when things sucked (which is really only fair since it was her little bunny that grew up into this ravening beast). All mistakes are definitely my own since I can't resist tweaking.
Summary: A mission goes wrong, Obi-Wan ends up in prison and gets a new cellmate. Serious issues ensue.
Warnings: If you don't like male-male relationships you are in the wrong place. Language, a fair bit of Obi-abuse and noncon sex.
Spoilers: None, pre-TPM.
Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them. No profit is intended or made.

~ ~ Character internal thoughts
* * emphasis

Back to part 3...

After recovering from the involuntary snort induced by Qui-Gon's offhand comment and a poke in the ribs, Obi-Wan offered to make tea while his master walked about a bit. Comfortably ensconced back on the couch, they sat in companionable silence for a while in the dim lights as they sipped their tea. Eventually, Obi-Wan set his cup aside and sighed.

"I think that perhaps I should start at the beginning," he said quietly, looking straight ahead.

"That is often a good place to start," his master quietly affirmed.

Obi-Wan hesitated, then shyly reached out to take Qui-Gon's unresisting hand into his own. He looked down at the joined hands as he continued, absently tracing the lines on the large callused palm with his fingers.

"Before we went to Junmek, I had been thinking about relationships, especially our relationship, for a long time, Master. I had always felt a need for someone special, someone I respected, someone I loved. For a long time I couldn't find the right person so I wasn't doing a lot of the experimenting my friends were doing. It...well, it just didn't feel right." Obi-Wan paused, thinking. "When I did find the right person, I was uncertain, unsure of myself, if I was worthy of them, unsure of whether they could even think of me as I wanted to think of them. So I waited, worked on getting to know that person even better and proving myself worthy. In my heart, I became convinced that this was the right one, the one I wanted to share my life with. I had planned to ask them to be my lover on my twenty-first birthday."

"But your birthday wasn't until -" Qui-Gon stopped abruptly. His hand tightened around the other man's as he softly continued. "Obi-Wan, I'm sorry, I didn't realize.... I mean, how much worse it must have been...."

"Didn't realize I was a virgin when I went into that place?" said Obi-Wan deliberately, although a blush was on his cheeks. "There was no reason you should have known since we had never discussed it. It was true, though."

Qui-Gon looked down slowly, his gaze traveling from his apprentice's face to their joined hands. "Have you talked to this...other person since you've been back?" he asked, deep burr unconsciously intruding, hesitant note of caution darkening both eyes and voice.

Obi-Wan was silent for a long moment. "It was you, Master," he said quietly.

Qui-Gon was silent in turn, his hand still in Obi-Wan's. He swallowed hard, as if something was caught in his throat. "I've thought about this moment happening some day, but now that it's here, I'm not sure what to say," he finally admitted ruefully.

"I've loved you for many years, Master," said Obi-Wan, turning his face to look into Qui-Gon's eyes. "At first it was just respect and admiration, but the longer I knew you, came to know what was inside you, the more I realized that it was you I had been looking for all along. I felt connected to you, emotionally and physically. I wanted you to be my first, my only lover." He paused, then asked softly, "What would you have said, Master?"

"I would have said that my heart has been yours to command for many years, my Obi-Wan," replied Qui-Gon slowly, his voice rough with emotion. "I have watched you grow into a fine young man, been proud of your accomplishments, but somewhere along the way admiration changed to desire, affection to love. I had hopes I could not share, and I wished often we could be even more than teacher and student, but my responsibilities as your master did not allow me to speak of those things." He took both of Obi-Wan's hands in his and squeezed lightly. "We both still have duties and responsibilities as master and padawan, for we are Jedi first, but if there is any way I can be more for you I will."

Obi-Wan turned his face away, looking down at their linked hands for several moments. He sighed heavily, pulled away and slid further along the couch. Holding his head in his hands, he whispered, "I wish it were still that easy."

Keeping very still, Qui-Gon said gently, "Please, let me help."

Jumping up, Obi-Wan began restlessly pacing around the room. "You don't understand, Master. The things that happened in there, the things I did...."

"Help me to understand, Obi-Wan. Help me help you," in that same quiet voice.

Aimlessly waving a hand, the apprentice began speaking. "The first month I was in there was bad enough. Locked in that cell almost all the time, always watching my back, fighting off every new son of a bantha they kept putting in there, every day listening to all the nasty things they said to me, about me, what they going to do to me. I wasn't going to give in, not without taking as many of them with me as I could, but it was hard. I didn't know what had happened to you, I couldn't feel the Force, I couldn't sleep or meditate...I was getting tired and I knew it wouldn't be too much longer until they won...."

Obi-Wan stopped in his wandering for a moment to look out the windows. "Then they put Maogg in there." He turned around and looked at Qui-Gon. "You know, Master, I do understand that the man probably saved my life and he did get me out of that prison, and I do understand that, from his point of view, most of what he did was no different than how he would have treated one of his own people and he saw nothing wrong with it." He looked down. "But I wasn't one of them, and it felt wrong, it was awful and I still hate him, I hate that place...and I despise myself for the things I did in that place."

He started pacing again. "They put Maogg in the cell, and he proceeded to `establish ownership', as he thought of it," said the apprentice with a grimace. "I will say he certainly knew what he was doing. He didn't just beat me into submission; no, I might have been able to handle that, I think. He did just enough to put himself in charge, then he put me in situations where I had to make choices." He stopped again, all the way across the room. "I had a choice, Master. I didn't have to let him fuck me, but I wasn't strong enough." His voice dropped. "I went crawling to him, I submitted to him, I *gave* him control." Once more he began to pace.

"The only other choice you thought you had was to die, Padawan," said Qui-Gon quietly. "No one expected you to let yourself die if there was any way to survive."

"It may have been surviving, but it wasn't living," spat out the apprentice. "From that point on, he owned me, and we both knew it." He stopped by the rear of the couch, resting his hands on the back of it. There was a distant look on his face. "I had a lot of plans, Master, a lot of dreams about how wonderful my twenty-first birthday was going to be. Foolish dreams, perhaps," he gave a small laugh, "but they were my dreams. You had agreed to be mine, and I fixed you a candlelight feast. We were going to spend hours just learning each other, and we were going to make love. Real love, like you read about, and it was going to be warm and soft and so beautiful." He leaned down, resting his weight on his forearms. "But do you know how I actually spent my twenty-first birthday?"

He leaned in even closer, not waiting for a reply, voice rough and tight. "I spent that day being fixed up like the pretty little virgin sacrifice I was about to become, getting cleaned up, having my cock tied at attention, then being put down on my hands and knees in a cold prison cell in front of a bunch of a leering guards. They were cheering him on, breaking in his Jedi bitch, as that bastard stuffed his cock up my ass, in and out, he kept pulling almost out and he'd shove it back it in, I could feel him, every inch of him, then he reached around and he took my cock, and I was caught between that cock driving into me and his hand driving me crazy, and every time he pushed that cock up my ass a little bit more of my dream died, until finally we both came and I was lying there in my own semen...." The urgent voice finally stilled. Breathing ragged, Obi-Wan looked into his Master's eyes and whispered, "I wanted to die, but all I could do was lay there with his come leaking out of my ass and cry. That's what I still dream about almost every night."

Breaking their contact before Qui-Gon could reply, Obi-Wan sprang away, prowling about the room restlessly yet again. "That was just the start, of course. I was his property, his Jedi bitch. Everyone knew it; I could see it in their eyes. Even the other bitches despised me. Maogg did his part of the bargain, as he saw it. He kept me fed, worked me hard to get in shape, but he made sure I toed the line, jumped to his orders, stayed in my place." He paused, shuddered. "It was worse after the warden came. He wanted rape, and that's what he got. He raped my mind with that picture and the lightsabers. I was convinced you were dead, Master. Then Maogg raped my body. That was the night I almost let go."

He looked at Qui-Gon. "The only reason I stayed was for your sake, for everything you had trained me to be. Because Maogg had told me how proud of me you were."

Obi-Wan turned away and resumed his journey. "I did survive until we escaped, but that's all it was, surviving. I was a possession, I existed to serve Maogg and provide entertainment for the warden and the guards. It was so bad that I would work hard for the little bits of kindness that Maogg would throw my way because those were the only times I felt human, even though I loathed myself for wanting it." He grimaced. "Maogg fucked me whenever he felt like it, which was often. At night I would have to sleep naked with him behind me and I could feel his cock against or in my ass, almost like it had a life of its own. After a while I was grateful he always fucked me from behind; it got so I couldn't stand to look at his eyes because they reminded me too much of you and everything I thought I'd lost."

Obi-Wan came to a stop, standing in front of Qui-Gon. His hands were clenched at his side, he trembled and his voice shook. "Don't you see, Master? It can never be like it might have been because I'm not the same person you knew before I went in there. They used me, they broke me, the best parts of me are gone, just like that bastard took what I had saved for you. You've seen how badly I've handled things since we got back, I've just been running away from my own head, and I've let you down in my training, my classes, as a person. I hurt you because I can't stand myself and I feel so dirty, how can I expect you to still want me?"

The evening air hung still and heavy. The faint, ever present hum of traffic from the skylanes could be heard in between the apprentice's ragged breaths.

"Obi-Wan, what I see is a young man, a Jedi apprentice, my padawan, who has been hurt and needs help," said Qui-Gon gently but firmly. "The best of you is still here, because you took everything they could do and came back. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I can magically make it stop hurting; but I will tell you that I am here for you and I will help you to heal, however long that takes." He held out a hand. "And I still want you, if you'll have me, if you'll let me, because I love you, my Obi-Wan."

"I...can't ...." The fearful whisper died.

Qui-Gon did not move, did not speak. His hand remained outstretched, waiting. A small warmth seeped through their bond, inviting, asking.

Gray bloodshot eyes looked at the lifeline being held out before him. The tip of his tongue sneaked through parted lips to wet his upper lip. One hand slowly raised, tentative, uncertain. Fingertips grazed fingertips, then palms collided, grip tightening. Gray eyes looked into blue as the apprentice slowly lowered his body, drawn to his Master's embrace, a battered ship seeking safe harbor. At last nestled safe against the warm body, long arms protecting him from further harm, he let himself relax.

"Master, I'm sorry I made such a mess of everything."

"Don't worry about any of that, Padawan. Time enough to start sorting things out later."

Eyes closed.

Two hearts beating, seeking, settling into a shared rhythm.

Breathing gradually slowed and deepened.

Gentle warmth of shared feeling between two minds.

"Qui-Gon?"

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

A little smile. "Just wanted to say it," he whispered as he drifted into a light doze.

"I love you, too."

"Breathe, Padawan," said Qui-Gon with an amused glint in his eye, "or you won't even make it into the meeting, let alone be able to talk."

"It's not funny, Master," said Obi-Wan, his voice almost breaking in his nervousness. He clutched the datapad with the dreaded Notice of Deficiencies in a sweaty hand as he paced back and forth in the waiting room. NDs were usually the precursor to major probations, demotions and even dismissals, and the apprentice was still coming to terms with just how very much he didn't want to end up in that latter group.

"Of course it's not," replied Qui-Gon. "I'm sorry." He rose to stand in front of his apprentice, stopping him long enough to make a few last minute adjustments in his tunics. "Don't worry. Just be sincere, explain the situation, tell them how you are going to make amends, and they will probably be reasonable."

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan stepped over to make a final check in the mirror. Formal whites, creases razor sharp, boots polished to blinding brilliance, not a hair out of place. He glanced down at the end of his freshly plaited braid, raising a hand to touch the now empty spot where the blue gemstone had been. A large hand covered the smaller hand and braid, lightly squeezing.

"It will be alright," said Qui-Gon quietly. "I will keep it safe for you until you win it back."

Obi-Wan looked up into the dark blue eyes, drawing strength from their confidence. "Thank you, Master." He drew a deep breath to calm himself. Both he and his master had been very busy since he woke up snuggled into Qui-Gon's side the previous evening. After a quick meal, they had reviewed the situation. Obi-Wan was dismayed to find, buried in two days of unread mail, the notice to appear before the Padawan Review Board, so it now looked like he had ignored them twice. While he was busy reading through the long list of complaints and shortcomings, Qui-Gon was busy calling in whatever favors and friends he had to get the Board to grant them this extra hearing before they finalized their decision on his apprentice's status and sent it to the Council. The rest of the evening was spent discussing how Obi-Wan wanted to attack his problems as they shared the preparation of his best uniform and each took a boot to polish. They shared a final meditation before Qui-Gon helped his apprentice get to sleep with a Force suggestion. After their morning classes they had returned to their quarters so Obi-Wan could finish preparing for the hearing at the fourteenth hour. Just before they left for the meeting room, Qui-Gon replaited his padawan's braid for him because his hands were shaking from nervousness. Obi-Wan took the final blue stone from its resting place on the table, holding it for a long moment, before wordlessly putting it back in its box and giving it to his master.

The opening of the double doors drew their attention. A knight stepped into the waiting room and announced that the Board would see them now.

The reception was not particularly inviting as master and padawan walked quickly to the center of the room. The fifteen masters and knights of the Padawan Review Board sat at a semicircular table. The chairman, Master Ch'tor, a wizened yellow skinned Kenvertan, sat in the middle. Two Council members, Adi Gallia and Yaddle, had both opted to attend in their role as ex officio members.

"Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi," said Master Ch'tor in a chilly voice. Master and padawan bowed. The chairman continued, "We have granted this request for an additional hearing because of the unusual seriousness of the situation. Do you have new evidence we should consider in this matter, Master Jinn?"

Qui-Gon bowed again. "We appreciate your consideration in this matter and thank you for your indulgence. It is indeed a very serious situation, but before we begin Padawan Kenobi would like to address the Board, with your permission."

The chairman's black eyes swept briefly around the group before returning to rest on the padawan. Before speaking, he looked him over from head to toe as if examining a rather unsavory specimen under a microscope. "Very well," snapped the chairman curtly.

Obi-Wan stepped forward and bowed. "Master Ch'tor, Council members, and members of the Board, thank you for providing this opportunity. I understand the seriousness of the situation and the necessity for your actions, and I wish to apologize for not attending the hearing to which I was previously summoned. There are reasons but no excuses for that behavior; it is the reasons I wish to explain today. First, however, please accept my humblest apologies for my disrespect and any inconvenience I have caused for the Board." Obi-Wan prostrated himself before the board in the full position of penitence and waited, heart hammering as he awaited the reaction.

The room was silent for several moments. Finally the chairman spoke, "Apology is accepted." He paused briefly before snarling, "Do sit up, Padawan. I can't stand trying to talk to someone when their face is mashed into the floor."

As Obi-Wan sat up to the kneeling position, he caught a brief flutter of smiles from several of the members. "Yes, Master Ch'tor. May I say something else before we proceed?"

"If you must. You're not going to start crying and flopping about and throwing yourself on our mercy, are you?" asked the master suspiciously, fuzzy white eyebrows drawing together in a frown. "That sort of thing does get rather tiresome after a while, and I would not have allowed this hearing if that's all you're going to do."

Obi-Wan bowed his head, trying to suppress a nervous smile. "No, Master Ch'tor. I just wanted to make it clear that everything that has happened since I've gotten back from Junmek is my own fault and I accept full responsibility for my actions. My master and others have tried to help and I wouldn't let them; my problems should not in any way be a reflection on Master Jinn's care and concern. I just wanted to get that on the record, sir."

"Hmmpph," snorted the old Master. "Well, that's a better start than flopping about, I suppose. Did you put him up to that, Jinn?"

Obi-Wan started to protest, but was peremptorily waved to silence. "I'll get back to *you* in a moment, Padawan."

"No, Master Ch'tor. We did have a long discussion last night, but everything that he has to say today is from his own heart. I will say that I believe his repentance is sincere, and I stand fully with him to help in his recovery. I am only here today to ask that you please hear him out before you make your final decision."

"Very well, then." Thin bony digits tapped on a datapad. "Padawan Kenobi," the Master said sharply.

"Yes, Master Ch'tor?"

"Since you are here, there are some questions that should have been answered yesterday."

Obi-Wan bowed, silently accepting the rebuke. "Yes, sir."

"Do you understand what it means to be a Senior Jedi Padawan?"

"I believe so, Master Ch'tor. My Master and I had a very thorough discussion after I was promoted. It is a significant responsibility."

"Do you feel you have been conducting yourself as a Senior Padawan?"

"No, Master Ch'tor."

The chairman paused. "I am going to open the discussion at this time to questions from all members."

For the next thirty minutes, the apprentice was grilled with questions about his conduct, his understanding of various duties, any conflicts with others, whether he had been physically ill, difficulties in class, personal problems, his record prior to Junmek, problems with the Healers and so forth. Remaining on his knees, Obi-Wan tried to answer calmly and politely. He could feel the sweat gathering, then trickling down his face and back.

When the room was silent again, Master Ch'tor held up a hand. "If there are no more questions, I will sum up." He looked at Obi-Wan. "Padawan Kenobi, the evidence that the board has before it says that you had an excellent record prior to your promotion. Since that time however, your conduct and performance has deteriorated remarkably swiftly. You are failing three of your four courses, your physical training has dropped below standard, you have failed to cooperate with your assigned therapy to help you recover from your last mission, you have been disrespectful to teachers and Healers, you have failed to comply with your own master's attempts to help you. You have not met the standards expected of a junior padawan, let alone a senior. This record suggests that we made a mistake promoting you early to the status of senior. I will now turn the floor over to you to explain to us why we should not undo that mistake and put you on probation until you can return to at least the standards expected of a junior padawan."

Obi-Wan drew a breath to collect himself before answering. "Thank you, Master Ch'tor, board members. The evidence that you have before you is true; my performance and conduct have not been acceptable. I admit that and apologize. This not an excuse but an explanation. When I returned from my last mission, I believed that I could handle the emotional and mental aftermath of the things that happened to me. I did not realize how deeply I was in denial and resented the assigned therapy sessions. Instead of acknowledging that I had problems, I was unwilling to deal with the pain and conflict, and began withdrawing even further. It was not until yesterday that I realized how serious the situation had become." He gave a deprecating half smile and looked around at the Board members. "I suppose, in a way, that I should thank you for serving me with the Notice of Deficiencies. It certainly got my attention, and led to my master and I having an extensive discussion."

He paused to swallow and take another deep breath. He looked up at Master Ch'tor. "I understand now that I have a problem that I cannot handle by myself. I need help, I *want* that help. I know it won't be easy, but I will work hard to overcome my problems and return to the level of performance and conduct that you have the right to expect. All I am asking from the Board is to please let me have the opportunity to correct the mistakes I have made before you take permanent action."

Wrinkled yellow face devoid of expression, the chairman considered the kneeling apprentice for a moment, then looked up at his Master. "Master Jinn, do you have anything else to add?"

Qui-Gon stepped up beside his apprentice.

"Obi-Wan has been a good padawan, and I believe he will be an excellent senior padawan. Obviously he has had a very difficult time recently, but he has made the most important step, which is to admit that he has a problem and ask for help. I too ask only that you give him the opportunity to let him prove that he is still a good padawan and can overcome this mistake."

"Thank you, Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi. Please wait outside while we consider this matter."

Obi-Wan gracefully rose to his feet; he and his master bowed to the group and left.

Both men sat down on the padded bench in the waiting room. Obi-Wan leaned his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt numb after the intensive session.

"You did well, Padawan," said his master quietly.

"You think so, Master?" replied Obi-Wan reflectively as he reached up to wipe the sweat from his face. "Master Ch'tor didn't sound terribly encouraging."

"This is Master Ch'tor's third tour as chairman of the PRB," said Qui-Gon with a smile. "I suppose he has seen just about every sort of problem that can come up. And lots of unhappy padawans `flopping about', as he puts it." He patted Obi-Wan's knee. "Actually, they were relatively easy on you. From what I've heard, this particular group of Board members has driven a lot of junior and senior padawans to tears when they think they're being put on or not taken seriously, so hopefully that means they understood that you meant all the things you said."

"Yes, Master." They sat together in silence as they waited.

Summoned back into the room, the two Jedi walked to the center again and bowed. Obi-Wan was surprised to see Healer Nolspaq sitting at one end of the table.

"Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi," said Master Ch'tor. "Healer Nolspaq monitored your session at our request, and has been kind enough to give us her insights on the situation." He nodded in her direction. "We have reached a decision. In view of your past record, your acceptance of responsibility for the situation and your willingness to take corrective action, your promotion to Senior Padawan is suspended, not revoked, and you are on temporary probation. There are just over two months until the end of your current academic term; we will be getting reports on your progress during that time and will review your situation after you have completed your final exams to determine whether to revoke the promotion and whether any additional probation is warranted. Do you have any questions?"

"Thank you, Master Ch'tor," said Obi-Wan with a sigh of relief. "No, sir, I have no questions."

"You have a great deal of work ahead of you to get back to a satisfactory status, Padawan Kenobi," warned the chairman sternly. "We will be watching you very closely."

"Yes, Master Ch'tor. I understand."

"Very well, this closes this session. Thank you for your participation."

Master and apprentice bowed, then turned and left. Outside in the hallway a few moments later, they heard a voice calling them.

"Master Jinn, Padawan Kenobi."

They stopped and turned. Healer Nolspaq was walking toward them.

"If you have a few minutes, I would like to speak to both of you, please."

"Of course," replied Qui-Gon courteously.

"Let's go in this meeting room here," she gestured to one of the small side rooms. After they were inside and seated, she continued. "Padawan Kenobi, I've missed seeing you."

"Yes, Healer Nolspaq," said Obi-Wan, flushing. "I'm sorry. I just...well, I was at a point I just couldn't deal with having to talk about some of the things that happened."

"I understand." She turned to Qui-Gon. "Actually, I owe you an apology, Master Jinn. I should have notified you immediately when your padawan missed the first one or two sessions, but Healer v'braa wanted to try to contact Obi-Wan and get him to come back on his own. That won't happen again."

"Thank you for explaining. I was quite surprised when the Board hit me with that one yesterday."

She nodded. "We are at an important point in your recovery, Obi-Wan. It is going to be very important that you come to all of your sessions and participate, but if there are some things that it is easier to talk to your master about, we can work with that. In fact, it may be better to have you in on some of the sessions, Master Jinn, since you are the one to whom he has opened up."

"Certainly. I will do whatever I can to help."

Obi-Wan shifted uncomfortably. "Healer Nolspaq?" he said diffidently.

"Yes, Obi-Wan," she said gently.

"Uh...there is something that I left out entirely in our sessions." Obi-Wan looked at Qui-Gon, then back down to the table. "Since we returned from Junmek, I've been having dreams. That's really why I haven't been sleeping well and why I've been getting more tired the longer it has gone on."

"Can you tell me about them?"

"Yes, Healer," said Obi-Wan hesitantly.

"Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon softly.

"Yes, Master?"

"I think she needs to understand everything that is going on." He paused as his apprentice flushed deeply and looked at him beseechingly. "There is nothing wrong with your feelings. She needs to know, and I don't mind discussing the situation." He reached over the table and offered a hand.

Obi-Wan bit his lip as he looked uncertainly from healer to master. Finally he reached out and took the offered hand, fingers carefully curling over the callused palm. He looked up under lowered eyelids.

"Obi-Wan, I'm here to help, not judge," said the Healer gently. "If you have feelings for your master, there is nothing wrong with that."

"Yes, Healer." Obi-Wan took a deep breath, looked at Qui-Gon, then launched into an abbreviated version of the story he had poured out to his master the day before.

"So, if I understand things correctly," said Healer Nolspaq thoughtfully, "you loved Qui-Gon before you went to Junmek, you went through the abuse in that prison, you still love Qui-Gon, but you feel that your experiences have made you unworthy of being loved? Aside from the way you feel about your body and being touched sexually?"

"Well," Obi-Wan paused, blinking, "I guess I hadn't thought of it quite like that, but that's probably as good a way as any of putting it."

"Master Jinn," said the Healer, looking at the clasped hands, "how do you feel about all this?"

"I love Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said simply. "I want him, but I will not do anything to hurt him. The relationship will be whatever he is comfortable with, whenever he is comfortable with it."

"Have you discussed how this may impact your relationship as master and padawan?"

"We have," said Obi-Wan. "We both understand that our responsibilities as Jedi, my training, must come first."

"Yes," added Qui-Gon with a nod. "I'm sure there will be times when it won't be easy, but we recognize that possibility and will have to work our way through it."

The Healer leaned back in her seat and thought for a moment. "Obi-Wan, I think for the next tenday or so, we are going to take our discussion back to the point when you entered the prison on Junmek. With this new perspective and attitude, I'd like to go back, see if anything new develops, and work our way back to the point where you encountered the warden, since that was where we essentially stopped communicating."

The apprentice nodded. "Yes, Healer Nolspaq, whatever you think best."

"Master Jinn," she said, leaning forward, arms on the table, "I think it would be helpful if you were present when we get into the difficult sessions, if you don't mind. It may be easier for Obi-Wan to open up if you are there, and, in any event, it is tied to the feelings that you need to work out between you."

"Of course," said Qui-Gon, "just let me know when you want me there."

"There is also the issue of the dreams," the Healer continued. "You need to start getting more sleep, Obi-Wan, and it would be better if we don't have to put you on sleeping drugs. For the short term, your master can help you with Force suggestions, but that is not a viable long term solution. I'm going to put together some recommendations for some meditation exercises I would like both of you to work on in the evenings and we will also work on the problem during your regular sessions. Do either of you have any questions of me at this point?"

Both men shook their heads.

"Good. I'll see you tomorrow, Obi-Wan," said the Healer briskly. "Good day, Master Jinn."

The two Jedi sat there quietly, hands together, for several minutes after the healer left. Qui-Gon watched emotions chasing themselves across his apprentice's face before it finally settled into a resigned expression. He tightened his grip a little.

"It will be alright, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon softly.

Obi-Wan looked up somberly, then slowly smiled. "Yes, Master." He paused, gave his master's hand a squeeze, then stood up. "I think we'd better go, Master. I've got a lot of work to get back to `alright'."

Qui-Gon smiled back. "Yes, Padawan."

The next tenday passed quickly. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan visited each of the apprentice's instructors to set things right with each one and discuss the work the apprentice needed to do to get back on track. They spent an afternoon going over Obi-Wan's progress in katas and lightsaber training and revising his projected training plan. Both men still had their normal workload and Obi-Wan was attending sessions with the Healers every other day in addition to his extra class work.

With Qui-Gon's help, Obi-Wan began sleeping better, but still needed the Force suggestion to avoid the dreams. There were a few evenings when they both had reading to do and sat together on the couch, occasionally holding hands; toward the end of the evening Obi-Wan would finally relax enough to lean against his master's side.

And every evening, without fail, there were the extra meditations, master leading apprentice in a gentle attunement of inner peace.

The lights were low, a candle flickering in the warm breeze from the open balcony. The silence was broken only by the slow breathing of the two meditating men.

Blue eyes slowly opened. As always, the sight of the young man facing him filled him with a pleasant glow. Where their knees touched, the contact sent a small frisson through his lower belly, a feeling he had been letting himself indulge in since the two men had brought their feelings for each other into the open. Qui-Gon sighed regretfully. He knew how important it was to maintain his self control and let his apprentice set the pace in their relationship, so he let the feeling go.

A deep breath signified the emergence of the apprentice from the meditation. There was a flicker over the training bond and a speculative look flashed across the gray eyes but the expression was serene. Obi-Wan took another deep breath as he rotated his shoulders.

"Master, I've been thinking."

"Yes, Padawan?"

"I think it would help with the dreams if I slept in your bed."

Qui-Gon's heart skipped a beat. "Excuse me?"

"I believe that way we might be able to gradually do without the Force suggestion without you having to sit up by my bed half the night," continued Obi-Wan in a matter of fact tone. "Your bed because it's bigger, obviously. Of course, you would have to wear pajamas, and I would need the side nearest the door so I wouldn't feel closed in."

"Pajamas?"

"Yes, Master," said Obi-Wan. "You know, pajamas? sleeping clothes?"

"Just because I don't usually wear them doesn't mean I don't know what they are," replied Qui-Gon with a touch of irritation.

"You do have some, don't you?"

Qui-Gon, who normally only slept in his smallclothes or nothing, had to think a moment. "I suppose I must have the issue pair somewhere," he muttered, one hand scratching absently at the back of his neck. Realizing that there were bigger questions at hand, he looked at his apprentice and demanded, "Wait a minute, what brought all this on?"

"Healer Nolspaq was concerned that I still need the Force suggestion to sleep. She suggested I try to think of some other way that I might be able to sleep without the dreams." Obi-Wan looked up guilelessly. "Don't you want me to sleep with you, Master?"

"What I want -" exploded Qui-Gon, but the vision conjured up by that innocent question was ruthlessly throttled and stuffed back into his subconscious. He was a Jedi Master, he'd better be able to handle this or he may as well turn in his lightsaber. He drew a deep breath and started over again. "What I want, Padawan," he said quietly, "is to help you. I am willing to give it a try. After all, we've certainly had to share a bed often enough on missions. Are the pajamas absolutely necessary, though?"

There was a bleak expression on Obi-Wan's face. He looked away, blushing, as he answered, "Maogg slept naked after the first time he took me. I can't, well...you know ...." His voice trailed off in embarrassment.

Qui-Gon was the one blushing now as he felt like a complete and thoughtless idiot, whining about a minor inconvenience. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, I wasn't thinking. Why don't you get ready for bed while I look for the pajamas?"

"Yes, Master."

Later, Qui-Gon was lying in bed, hands behind his head. The issue pajamas he had finally dredged up at the back of a drawer felt strange and rough; if this was going to be a long term thing he hoped they would get more comfortable with wear.

The opening of the door caught his attention. Obi-Wan stood framed in the doorway for a long moment, his own pajamas hanging loosely. He had his pillow in one arm and a blanket in the other. Silently, he came in and placed the pillow on the side of the bed nearest the door. Pulling back the covers, he began putting his blanket down.

"I can adjust the temperature if it's too cold, Padawan," said Qui-Gon.

"No, Master, that's all right. Actually, this is more for later on. You tend to kick the blankets off during the night and I wanted to make sure I still had one of my own."

"Well, better to kick the blankets than your bed partner," said Qui-Gon, letting the smile show in his voice.

"Master," replied Obi-Wan indignantly, "I haven't kicked since I was sixteen."

"What about on Rupen, and on that dismal little freighter, and -"

"*You* were hogging the bunk," muttered the apprentice as he slid into bed, wrapping his blanket around himself before pulling up the other covers.

An amused snort was the only response.

Silence reigned for several minutes, both men reluctant to fully settle in, each lying on their own edge of the large bed.

"Obi-Wan, are you sure this is what you really want to do?" asked Qui-Gon, feeling tension over their training bond.

A sigh answered him. "Well, this isn't really what I had in mind when I used to dream about sleeping in this bed, but I'm just not ready yet to do the things I really want to do here." The apprentice leaned up one elbow. "I love you, Qui-Gon, but I don't like myself yet. Force knows I want to be with you, sometimes that's all I can think about, but this is as close as I can manage right now." He continued in a small voice, "I'm sorry. If this bothers you, I'll leave."

"It's alright, Obi-Wan. I love you, too, but we're only going to go as fast as what you can handle," said Qui-Gon soothingly. "Try to get some sleep now. I won't use the Force suggestion tonight, but I'm right here if you have any problems. Leave the training bond open and if you start having problems I'll catch them."

"Yes, Master." There were various rustlings as they both got comfortable. "Thank you, Master," said Obi-Wan softly. There was one final stirring as two hands reached out tentatively to bridge the chasm in the middle of the bed, resting gently against each other as they slipped off to sleep.

The odd sleeping arrangements actually seemed to be working, at least for the most part. The apprentice slept peacefully, wrapped in his blanket, while the master gradually shucked coverings toward the floor as his night clothes rode up in his turnings. With Obi-Wan so close, Qui-Gon was usually able to catch the start of bad dreams over the open bond and redirect them harmlessly. Mornings were rather awkward for the two men; the disadvantage to having Obi-Wan so close was that Qui-Gon's morning erection was even more prominent than usual, tenting the pajamas which were all that covered it. The first morning Obi-Wan poked his head out of his blanket, flashed back to being in prison, and almost fell out of the bed in his haste to make it to the fresher. He confessed later that after he locked himself in, he just stood there shaking for ages because half his body wanted to throw up but the other half wanted to jack off when he realized who it really was. He finally settled for a cold shower. As they both became used to the situation, however, they became more comfortable with the situation, and worked out new routines for interacting.

Qui-Gon was also sitting in on more of the Healer sessions with Obi-Wan and one or both of the two Healers. The first joint session with all four of them had been particularly difficult as Obi-Wan tried to work through his feelings about the first meeting with the warden. Painful as it was, he was brutally honest about the mental and physical rape and its impact on him. He had started out holding his master's hand; by the time they got through his experiences that night and how close he had come to giving up, the apprentice had curled up, eyes closed, wedged into Qui-Gon's side, his master's arm around him. The marathon session seemed to have had a cathartic effect; talking through the experience, realizing how difficult it had been and that he had survived, not only survived but escaped, seemed to be finally giving the young man a sense of perspective about what had happened.

Today's session was being held out in one of the gardens. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were sitting together under a broad-limbed old mler tree while Healer Nolspaq reclined on one elbow in the soft grass. The topic of the day was the padawan's avoidance of public and private nudity and its relationship to his problems with being touched sexually. Most of the first hour had been a series of seemingly circular arguments without solutions.

"Well, the two *are* tied together, at least in my head," argued Obi-Wan. "Most of the time I was forced to run around half naked, I was forced to sleep naked and it seemed like much of the rest of the time I had my pants off so I could service that son of a bantha and his insatiable cock. There was never a time I wasn't being watched, either by him, the camera, the guards, the other inmates. Even when I had pants on, it didn't take Force senses to feel all of the other prisoners undressing me and thinking about what they would do to me if they could get me away from Maogg."

"That was in the prison, though. You had no control of the situation and you were surrounded by hostile criminals," countered the Healer. "Since you have been back, has anyone tried to attack you?"

"Of course not."

"Has anyone tried to touch you in ways they shouldn't or that made you uncomfortable?"

"Well, Master Yoda hit me with his gimer stick." An impudent grin sneaked out of hiding.

"Padawan," rumbled Qui-Gon warningly, although inside he was pleased to see the spark of humor.

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan turned back to the Healer. "Sorry. No, they haven't."

"Have you felt like anyone was trying to `undress you'?"

"I suppose not."

"Has anyone made any sexual overtures to you?"

Obi-Wan thought for a moment. "When I first got back, I felt pretty uncomfortable being around people, my usual friends, but looking back I guess I would have to say they really weren't doing anything more than our usual horsing around and flirting." He pulled up some blades of grass and began twisting them in his fingers. "I think I may have overreacted. I know I pulled back from talking to people. I guess I didn't really give anyone a chance to even flirt, let alone try anything serious."

"But you still don't feel comfortable even taking your tunics off?"

The apprentice shook his head.

"What have you been doing about that?"

Obi-Wan looked up. "We've been over and over this, I just can't take my clothes off and run around the Temple. Even in our quarters my skin starts crawling if I think about getting undressed in front of my master."

"You claim you want to get over this," said the Healer bluntly, "but quite frankly I don't believe it."

"I *do* want to resolve this." Obi-Wan sat up straight and looked at the Healer angrily. "I want to get on with my life, to be with Qui-Gon the way we want to be."

"You've been back almost three months, and there has been almost no progress in this area. I don't think you're serious." Chilly black eyes looked out challengingly.

Jaw set, arms crossed, Obi-Wan stared back. "I have never been more serious about anything in my life," he said slowly. "Just what in the six hells do I have to do to prove it to you?"

"Be at Pool Three in twenty-five minutes, Padawan," the Healer promptly replied. "I signed you up to assist with the introductory swimming class for the four to six year old initiates."

The apprentice turned pale as a sheet and looked at her, aghast. "Swimming? I, I can't...."

Healer Nolspaq stood up, hands on her hips. "Padawan Kenobi, those children are some of the most innocent, asexual beings on this whole planet. They're hardly going to be making sexual advances on you, now are they?"

"Well, no, but -"

"No buts, young man. Sometimes the best therapy for a phobia is to just jump in and face it head-on, and that is what I am prescribing for you," she said sternly. "Padawan Kenobi, if you want to have any hope of getting back on Mission status and off probation, not to mention fulfilling your love affair with your master, you will get your miserable self down to that pool, in your swimsuit, today and every class day for the next two tendays. End of discussion." She changed to a pleasant smile. "See you at the pool."

The Healer turned to the bemused master. "Master Jinn, would you please walk with me to the training facility? There is something I need to discuss with you."

Qui-Gon rose to his feet and gave a small bow. "It would be my pleasure, Healer Nolspaq."

The two senior Jedi walked away sedately, leaving behind a slack-jawed, spluttering apprentice.

Once they were out of earshot, Qui-Gon ventured a quiet comment. "I don't wish to seem out of place, Healer Nolspaq, but was that really part of your standard therapeutic technique?"

"I understand your concern, Master Jinn, but actually sometimes it is necessary to force a patient to confront his fears, or his imagined fears, directly." She smiled reassuringly. "He is making good progress, and I think he will do well if we can keep him moving forward. Actually, I really do need to speak to you also."

"Yes, Healer Nolspaq," replied Qui-Gon with a quizzical smile. "What can I do for you?"

"Obi-Wan tells me that you two are now sleeping together."

"Yes. He suggested it as a way to try to let him sleep without needing a Force suggestion. It seems to be working; I have been able to keep the dreams at bay for the most part and he has been able to sleep through most nights without a direct Force compulsion." He continued dryly, "I can assure you that sleeping is the only thing happening in that bed."

Although the Healer kept her gaze forward, there was definitely a smile on her face. "Well, I would expect that at this point. Tell me, Master Jinn, did Obi-Wan set any requirements when he suggested the arrangement?"

"Yes, actually, he did," said Qui-Gon with surprise. "He wanted the side of the bed closest to the door and that I wear pajamas, even though I normally don't." He shrugged. "Given the situation, they seemed like reasonable requests, so I agreed."

"But he did not phrase them as requests, did he?"

Qui-Gon thought back to the conversation. "True, he did not."

The Healer nodded thoughtfully as they walked along in silence for a few minutes. "Master Jinn, I believe that the most lasting effect on Obi-Wan from this whole affair is going to be a need for a fairly high degree of control in his personal relationships, at least for a while, particularly in the type of close personal and physical relationship the two of you seem to be contemplating. The loss of control, especially of his personal space, is by far the most persistent recurring theme in his therapy. You need to understand this and be prepared to deal with it."

She looked up at Qui-Gon. "I've researched your history, Master Jinn. Aside from the fact that you are his master, which will cause difficulties of its own, you are a strong and dominant personality. Also, you have been a Jedi Master for many years, and you are used to being in charge, in control of situations. You just don't seem the type to have spent a lot of time on your belly or hands and knees. Have you even considered the possibility that in bed you might end up being a permanent bottom to Obi-Wan's top? And how you would balance that role with your role as his master?"

Qui-Gon stopped dead in his tracks and looked at the Healer, who paused to look back at him. He started to speak, then seemed to reconsider. He drew a deep breath before continuing in a deceptively mild tone, "Do many of your patients die of sudden apoplectic heart attacks, Healer Nolspaq?"

The silvery laugh brightened the air and lit up the Healer's eyes. She leaned closer and whispered confidentially, "Not yet, Master Jinn, but my master did used to warn me that I'd better not ever let any of my patients bring their lightsaber to any sessions if I wanted to live to see old age."

Qui-Gon laughed in turn, and they continued on while discussing control issues for master and padawan. Belying the light tone, however, there was a very thoughtful depth to the blue eyes, and the Healer was certain she could detect a ragged churning in the Force signature of the normally well shielded Jedi master. She thoughtfully filed away her observations that Qui-Gon very deftly kept the conversation steered away from any sexual references, and never did answer her question about bottoming.

Pool Three was a small, intimate pool designed primarily for use by initiates and short species. There was a large deck area for holding teaching discussions and the pool itself started with a shallow end of less than two feet and gradually deepened to five. At one end of the enclosure several benches were discreetly tucked against the wall for use by observers or extra lifeguards.

Healer Nolspaq found the instructor, an older female knight, who was an amphibian with brown fur turning to silver, and quietly chatted for a few minutes while Qui-Gon made his way to a bench and sat down to watch the children. Today's introductory class included about a dozen or so youngsters of various humanoid species, most of whom seemed to be full of energy after their afternoon quiet time. The Healer soon joined the master, softly suggesting they pull their hoods up so Obi-Wan would hopefully be more comfortable with their relatively anonymous presence.

Just before the appointed start time, Obi-Wan came in, his robe pulled tightly around him. He was pale and clearly ill at ease. The knight gestured to him to come over, then spoke briefly to him.

Still clutching his robe, the apprentice began gathering children into a small circle on the open deck. When the circle was complete, the knight clapped twice.

"Good afternoon, initiates. I am Knight Selone, and I will be your instructor for this short course on introductory swimming."

She was answered by a cheerful chorus of "Good afternoon, Knight Selone."

"My assistant for the class is Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi."

A ragged chorus of "Good afternoon, Padawan Kenobi," was directed at the silent figure at the back of the circle.

"We are also fortunate to have a very special assistant with us." She gestured toward a short furry figure, almost a smaller version of herself. "Initiate Reggin is from an amphibious species, and is already a very good swimmer. He will be demonstrating the various floating and swimming techniques and helping the younger initiates."

Most of the initiates already seemed to know the sleek initiate with the brash grin, and there were scattered calls of "Hi, Reg," and "Yeah, Reg."

For the next twenty minutes, the knight led her group through a series of exercises to practice breathing and basic floating style. Obi-Wan and the initiate moved around the group helping with forms and questions, concentrating on those for whom it was their first time in the pool. Finally they were ready to move to the water, and the knight led them to the edge of the pool, lining up the excited initiates by height.

"Alright, quiet please." She waited a moment for the chattering to die down. "The first exercise is going to be simply becoming familiar with the water. When each of you gets into the pool, the water should be about waist high. We are going to stand in the water, feel the water, learn its texture. Water is simply another type of environment, like the air, and you need to become familiar with it just as you are learning to feel the Force in some of your other classes. Now, wait for me." The knight slipped gracefully into the pool, then lifted Reg into the water, telling him to stay put. One by one, she went to each initiate and carefully placed them into the water, making sure each had steady footing and a grasp on the pool gutter railing. Still on the deck, Obi-Wan followed along behind the line of initiates, standing behind each one until the knight had a firm grasp. The initiate reactions were mixed, some excited, some fearful, but everyone made it into the water until they got to the last initiate. The little girl had been watching with wide brown eyes in a pale white face, and the closer the knight got, the wider her eyes seemed to get. Even from where Qui-Gon and the Healer sat, they could feel the waves of fear rolling off her. When Knight Selone tried to coax her into the water, she simply stood there shaking her head. Obi-Wan knelt beside her and between the two of them they finally managed to get her to sit on the edge of the pool with her feet in the water, but that was as far as she was going.

"Padawan Kenobi, please get in the pool and stay beside her for a while," directed the knight as she moved back toward the middle of the group.

"Yes, Knight Selone," acknowledged the apprentice. He drew a deep breath; now was the moment of truth. He looked around, but everybody's attention was on the knight discussing floating techniques. Everybody except the little girl, that is, who was looking up at him with those wide brown eyes, waiting for him. He smiled shakily at her, then in one abrupt movement threw off his robe and slipped into the pool, sinking to his knees so as little as possible showed above the water. He leaned in close to the side of the pool, which was somewhat of a tactical error, as it enabled the little initiate to get a death grip around his neck. Obi-Wan gently pried her fingers loose and let her hold his hand instead. He murmured soothingly to her as they watched the knight and Reg help the first few initiates hold themselves away from the side of the pool and relax into a back float.

As the knight worked her way through the group, she summoned Obi-Wan to help hold up some of the less confident initiates. He patted the hand of the last little initiate and glided down the line. The next half hour passed quickly, helping the slow and keeping a cautious eye on the more adventurous. The knight finally gathered the group together in the shallow end for a simple water meditation while Obi-Wan worked with the little initiate, eventually persuading her to walk around in the shallow water and join the group.

"Alright, everyone can open their eyes now," announced the knight. "I know for many of you this was your first time in the water and it can be pretty scary, but you all did very well for this first class and I am very proud of you. During the next several classes we will be continuing with the basic water familiarization exercises and everyone will have an opportunity to practice floating and some basic swimming strokes. Right now, since you all did so well, we have some extra time and you can play in the pool. Padawan Kenobi and I will be right here if you have any problems, but the time is now yours. I can get some balls and floats out if there is anything in particular anyone would like to do?"

Reg popped up from the deeper water. "I know what game we want to play!" Everyone looked at him expectantly. With a resounding war whoop, he leaped up. "Dunk the padawan!"

With excited screams and yells, most of the initiates piled on the unsuspecting padawan, dragging him down under the mass of bodies. With a roar at the sudden contact, the angry apprentice reared up, about to throw off some and Force floating others, but stopped short when he saw the little girl. For the first time since the class started, she had lost her fear and was clapping and giggling. With a struggle, he converted his reactions from anger to a show of fear, letting the initiates swarm him and drag him back under. He entered into the play, using the Force to splash water and make waves. By the time Knight Selone called everyone off, he had actually started to enjoy himself. He floated over to where the little girl was standing in the shallow water.

"You're nice," she said shyly.

"And you were very brave today to get into the water," he said gently.

"Water is scary. I don't like it," she said, a serious expression on her face.

"I know. A lot of things are scary when you don't understand them." He reached out to pick her up as he saw Knight Selone approaching. "It's hard to do things you are afraid of, but you have friends to help you."

"Are you coming back?"

He smiled at her as he deposited her on the deck. "Yes, I'll be back. We're going to learn to float before we get done." He tugged her nose and she giggled at him.

"Thank you, Padawan Kenobi," said Knight Selone. "The senior padawans on creche duty will take the children back, so you are released for today. You were very helpful and we're looking forward to having you for the rest of the class." Although the tone was positive, there was a question in the raised eyebrow as she handed him a large towel.

"Yes, Knight Selone." Obi-Wan looked at the initiates being toweled off by the two senior padawans, then back at the knight. "I'll be back." She nodded and left as the apprentice climbed out of the pool and began drying off.

"There now, that wasn't so terribly awful, was it?" teased the Healer.

Obi-Wan eased into the cloak his master held for him before replying. He crossed his arms and glared at the Healer. "I have been traumatized for life by those little beasts," he announced in a pathetic whine but the effect was rather spoiled by the snort that sneaked out. He pointed a finger at the Healer. "Dunk the padawan, my ass. If I thought there was any way you could have put the little monster up to that, I would make it my life mission to find a way to get you back."

"I thought that little girl was rather endearing, actually," interjected Qui-Gon mildly.

The apprentice's eyes softened. "Poor little thing was scared half to death."

"I thought your master was the one with the reputation for rescuing pathetic life forms," chuckled the Healer.

Obi-Wan started an indignant rejoinder, then grinned sheepishly. "I guess it must be contagious."

"Seriously, though, how do you feel?" asked the Healer quietly.

Buying some time by toweling his hair again, Obi-Wan considered his answer carefully before replying. "When I came in, I felt pretty shaky. I had this sort of feeling, like little bugs crawling over my skin, and I wanted to hide. As the class went on, I guess I would have to say it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, whether because it was mostly children or whether it was because they all treated me like I just part of the background, I don't know. I think I can handle the rest of the classes here." He bit his lower lip as he looked down at the ground. Finally looking up, he continued apologetically, "I guess I really did need a kick in the butt to get going on this issue."

"Good. I know you still have a lot of course work to get caught up on, so I'm going to adjust your counseling sessions to take into account the extra time you will need for this class. I'll send you both a new schedule tomorrow. Good day, gentlemen." With a small bow, the Healer departed, leaving the two Jedi to make their way back to their quarters.

With the end of the academic term drawing quickly closer, both Jedi were busier than ever. By the time Obi-Wan finished his stint with the swimming class, there were only three tendays left until final exams. Qui-Gon was spending more time providing extra help for some of his slower than slow students while Obi-Wan was deep in the throes of finalizing his research and writing several papers and projects; even the non-class days on ninthday and tenthday were full from morning to night. He had continued to make progress, both with personal and academic problems. The Padawan Review Board had discreetly indicated to Qui-Gon they were pleased with the review reports so far, but were still reserving judgement until final exams. During the day the apprentice found himself more comfortable with his friends, although he seldom had time for more than chats between classes and meals in the dining hall. He had apologized to his closest friends for his earlier rude behavior and most of them were tactful enough to avoid referring to his suspended rank and probation. Around their quarters, Obi-Wan had begun to wear only leggings and a loose undertunic instead of his full uniform and there had been no hint of dreams for over a full tenday. Qui-Gon had begun to notice a more urgent undertone, almost tension, in their training bond, and had caught his apprentice looking at him in the evenings with a hungry expression, but pretended not to notice, concentrating instead on keeping his own physical desires under control.

This Ninthday dawned bright and clear, and turned out to be an exceptionally warm and pleasant day. Unfortunately, neither Master Jinn nor Padawan Kenobi was able to take much advantage of this fact. From ninth hour to eighteenth hour there was an almost constant parade of small groups of anxious junior padawans in and out of the Jinn-Kenobi quarters to get counseling and tutoring in the remedial math and language classes they were taking from the Master. At eighth hour the padawan had left for the library, finally dragging himself back to their quarters for latemeal.

"Master, I'm back," called Obi-Wan as he entered their quarters. He hung up his cloak, dropped his pack of datapads by the door and carefully deposited a large thermosealed bag in the kitchen before heading over to the balcony. Pausing at the open doors, he took in the sight of his master sitting with elbows on the railing, chin in his hands, shoulders slumped, expression melancholy.

"Master, what's wrong?" he asked quietly. There was a flutter of sadness and futility over the bond.

Qui-Gon lifted his head and sighed. He gave a half hearted smile. "Don't mind me. I'm just indulging in a bout of self pity. After the twelfth time of trying to explain advanced quadratic equations and the eleventh time trying to explain the difference between verb tenses and why you should use them, everything suddenly seemed so futile and unimportant. I suppose I must be getting better at it though," he gave a mirthless smile, "only four of them broke down in tears today. Oh well, I'm probably just tired." He looked back out over the railing, setting sun sparkling on the cityscape and finding its way down to little oases of green parks. He sighed again and rubbed his forehead. "Either that or it's cabin fever. It seems like forever since I've been allowed out of this Sithdamned room for anything but classes and training."

A surge of guilt flooded through Obi-Wan. It had become so much a part of their daily routine that he had almost forgotten about his master's restriction to quarters, about the requirements to register his schedule with the Master at Arms office, to get permission even to attend the joint Healer's sessions, and the occasional unannounced visits from the knights in their red and gold tabards checking up on him. For an active Jedi master like Qui-Gon, it had to be galling to be treated like a junior padawan on probation.

Without thinking, Obi-Wan walked over behind his master, and began to gently knead the tight shoulders. Qui-Gon stiffened in surprise, but then relaxed into the soothing massage.

Obi-Wan continued to squeeze and manipulate the muscles, working knots out of heavy shoulders, as he wrestled internally with the conflicting emotions. Pleasure and lust were rapidly winning out over reluctance and fear.

"It's only three tendays until the start of final exams, Master," murmured the apprentice finally after several minutes. "Then the exams and reports usually only take four or five days. Before you know it, the Council will be running you ragged with missions again and you'll be wishing for a little peace and quiet."

"They can run us to the Outer Rim and back, and I won't mind at all as long as a certain Senior Padawan is with me," said Qui-Gon softly, eyes closed.

The strong hands dug in a little deeper. Obi-Wan felt the heat flowing into him, sending jolts of electricity straight to his groin. Mindful of his own current shaky status, and trying for a light tone, he said teasingly, "Master, you didn't tell me you've been courting senior padawans while I've been out."

Qui-Gon stood up and slowly turned as Obi-Wan stepped back in surprise. The blue eyes were dark and there was a bass throbbing over the bond. "I can't even see other padawans in the brilliance of your light, my Obi-Wan."

The two men stood apart, barely breathing. The master's clenched hands at his sides screamed of control; the padawan's pale face and sweating hands cried out his indecision warring with desire. Slowly, the younger man's jaw set and he advanced, step by cautious step. He reached out and grabbed two fistfuls of cream tunic, slowly pushing, forcing the bigger man to make a choice, to fight or to yield, slowly pushing him back down into his seat. Gray eyes stared intently into blue as the apprentice kept moving, his face edging closer and closer, then closing the final inch with a rush, lips sealed to lips with bruising force. Eyes now closed, wanting only to feel, searing heat melting walls in his mind, burning away fear.

Large hands reaching, pulling the smaller body closer, tip of tongue probing. The spell was abruptly broken.

"No." Obi-Wan released his grip, pushed back, staggering, to lean against the wall. "Not yet," he whispered. "I'm not ready."

The two men stared at each other for a moment, ragged breathing and drumming hearts breaking the silence, shields slammed tight in self defense.

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon offered. "I shouldn't have pushed."

"No, I started it," said Obi-Wan, shaking his head. "And I apologize for starting something I wasn't ready to finish." He straightened up, took a deep breath. "Master, there is something I need to do. I stopped by the dining hall on my way back from the library and got food for latemeal." He looked at Qui-Gon, licked his lower lip. "I'll be back later, Master." He turned and went inside to his room.

Qui-Gon had stepped inside as far as the common room when Obi-Wan emerged from his room carrying his workout bag. The apprentice headed for the door, stopping just short and turning around.

"Don't lose that blue stone, Master," he said intently, hunger in his eyes. "I *will* be claiming it." One last look, and he was out the door.

There was more activity than Obi-Wan expected in the training salles on such a pleasant Ninthday evening. He had found a private spot in the locker room to change, but in the salles was surprised to see a mix of knights, older masters and masters with young padawans working on katas and lightsaber drills. There were still plenty of empty private rooms, though, and he quickly found one and engaged the lock.

He had chosen this particular room for its full length walls of mirrors. For several minutes he stood quietly, looking at his reflection. The apprentice sank gracefully into a cross-legged position and meditated for a half hour, centering himself in the Force and letting it guide him.

With eyes still closed, Obi-Wan began slowly stretching, small movements at first, gradually extending himself in wider, sweeping stretches until he felt warm and loose. Finally opening his eyes, he moved into a series of katas, his graceful, controlled figure repeating the precise motions time after time. He was peripherally aware of the battalion of padawans that accompanied his every move in the mirrors, turning and twisting in exact time to his cadence, echoing every tumble and acrobatic leap. For almost two hours he flowed around the room, still letting the Force direct him, channeling the energy and tension that had been building up for so long into physical exertion. Muscles burning and sweat pouring, he moved into a cooling down kata, finally coming to a halt at the center of the room.

Obi-Wan moved close to one of the mirrored walls, looking into the gray eyes reflected back at him. Deliberately, he began removing his soft half boots, his socks, slowly pulling the sweat-soaked tunic off, easing the wet leggings down over his hips and to the floor, hesitated briefly with thumbs hooked in smallclothes and loinguard, then decisively pulled them down and stepped away from the pile of wet clothing.

Obi-Wan wiped sweat from his eyes as he began a slow, methodical survey of the naked body staring back from the silvered surface. Short hair, dark and spiky with sweat, changeable eyes, now dark gray with introspection, short nose, and flexible mouth. The frame was sturdy if rather too short for its owner's liking. Torso and limbs strong, well balanced, smooth muscles well toned and working in harmony. Head turned, the strong, curved back was reflected from across the room, rounded buttocks merging into strong thighs. Turning back, stepping even closer to the mirror, the inspection continued. The long braid hung twisted and askew, the feathery end brushing one nipple, hard in the cool air. The hollow at the base of the neck, a trickle of sweat collecting before it rushed down the pale hairless breast. The left nipple, dark twin to its companion. Stomach flat, flanks lean. Small thatch of russet hair framing a generous penis nestled against soft testicles.

~ You know what, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're not such a bad looking fellow, ~ he thought to himself. ~ It's just a body, your body, one you've taken good care of, easy on the eyes, why should it bother you if other people want to look at it too? ~

He made another sweeping survey.

~ You made it through the swimming class just fine, even if it was just mostly little initiates and an old cuddly bear of a knight in there. You didn't mind them looking at you, in fact you even started to have a lot of fun playing around with them. ~

Obi-Wan tentatively reached up with one hand to touch his cheek.

~ You didn't mind them piling on and touching you after you got used to it. And Force knows you like it when Qui-Gon touches you, holds you. ~

A flush spread on both cheeks at that thought, and fingertips brushed across his lips. His other hand slid slowly across his chest to lightly caress a nipple. He began sucking lightly on a finger as the caress on his nipple changed to rolling and squeezing.

~ Oh, yeah, you like it just fine when Master touches you, and you know you want more, a lot more, than just holding hands. ~

Fingers to mouth, wetting them generously, then wet fingertips swirling on hard nipples. In the mirror, the heavy cock began to fill, ever so slowly. Nostrils flaring, tongue peeking out through parted lips, cheeks flushed as the fingers caressed, pinched, a sudden flick and a gasp. One hand, fingertips ghosting downward, rib by rib, tickling, teasing, as the other continued to work the hard nubs.

~ I will have him ~

two hands caressing flat belly

~ he will touch me as we make love ~

one hand on his flank as the other sneaked down slowly

~ and I will touch him ~

electric tingles in the rapidly hardening cock

~ I will touch him all over as he lies sprawled out in that big bed ~

his cock was definitely interested in that thought as breath quickened

~ kiss him and touch him ~

one hand stroking his balls as the erect cock pointed at itself in the mirror

~ make him moan in desire ~

second hand caressing the hard cock, fingertips grazing the sensitive tip

~ hold him down and kiss him, hot flesh burning for me, only me ~

gray eyes watching avidly, chest heaving

~ make him mine, touch him and kiss him, all over except there, make him ask for it ~

fist enclosing leaking cock, up, down, back up again, hand squeezing heavy balls

~ touch, hot kisses, hot skin, hard cock, take it, sucking, taking, oh Force ~

thoughts rambling as the smoldering fire in his belly burst into flame, hands working frantically

~ Qui-Gon ~

hips thrusting into the wet hand, jerking, frenetic twisting of mind and body, sharp cry as both erupted in a flood of heat and light, white seed covering hands and reflections, sinking into warmth, welcome and safe.

~ Ow, what's that ~ Obi-Wan thought rather fuzzily. He blinked his eyes, then yelped as a sharp cramp in his lower leg demanded attention. He jumped up from the awkward position in which he had been sitting and stretched his leg, massaging the cramp out. Straightening up, he looked down. ~ ewwgh ~ was his reaction to the clammy semen covering hands and belly and the cold sweat over most of the rest of his body. ~ Force, what a mess ~ he sighed as he picked up his dirty tunic and cleaned the mirror. A smile crossed his face as he finished wiping up. ~ It was good, though. ~ He paused, hugged himself. ~ Who are you kidding? That was better than good. You know you haven't felt that good since before you ended up in that Sithdamned prison. ~ The smile disappeared as he contemplated his pile of wet clothes. Shaking his head, he picked up the leggings, looked at them disgustedly before pulling them on, then bundled everything else into his arms and headed back to the locker room.

Inside the locker room he stuffed his workout clothes inside his bag. He pulled a towel around his waist before sliding off the leggings and adding them to the bag. Standing in front of the open locker, he looked indecisively toward the showers as he unplaited his braid. There were only a few beings around; he could hear a locker bang and a few quiet conversations. Buoyed by the inner glow of satisfaction that lingered from his successful masturbation, Obi-Wan decided to take a chance. Holding one towel tightly in place around his middle and with another draped around his shoulders, he walked quickly toward the shower room.

Keeping his eyes down, Obi-Wan studiously ignored the few other occupants as he found a quiet corner, hung his towels on the wall hook, and turned on the water. There was an oddly unsettling moment when he looked up; the rows of metal showerheads almost reminded him of the shower room in the prison, but the feeling quickly passed. Eyes now closed, he let the hot water flow over him, washing away the sweat and dirt. With a handful of liquid soap from the dispenser, he efficiently lathered up from head to toe and rinsed off, twisting quickly to get the soap off front and back. Turning the water off, he grabbed one towel and wrapped it back around his waist, with the other he began drying himself as he walked back to his locker. Once there, he finished drying off and put on his uniform. After combing out the braid, he replaited it as he sat on the low bench running between the rows of lockers. Finished, he sat for a bit longer as he slowly drew several deep breaths.

~ That wasn't so bad, now was it? ~ Obi-Wan could hear the Healer's voice echoing in his head. He smiled a little. ~ No, I guess it wasn't really so bad, after all ~ He stood up, slung the strap of his bag over his shoulder, and looked around. ~ Now, I just have to do it when there's really people around, and maybe I can get one more step checked off in getting back to Mission status ~ His smile got a little wider as he headed out of the locker room and back toward his quarters. ~ Three tendays left to regain Mission status, pass all four classes, and clear the ND. I can do this, I *will* do it. Then it's look out, Master Jinn, because you're going to belong to one each very hot senior padawan. ~ The smile grew positively wicked as he strode down the hallway, and he drew more than one curious glance as the few others he passed wondered who the lucky being was at the other end of that smile.

Obi-Wan quietly let himself in, intending to slip in and go to bed. He was surprised to find his master still up, doggedly correcting student datapads at the table.

"Hello, Master," said the apprentice quietly as he headed for the kitchen. He poured a large glass of cold fruit juice from the cooler and began drinking.

Qui-Gon stopped and stretched, not bothering to hide the yawn that opened his mouth wide. He watched his padawan move back into the common area. There was a new air of confidence in the quiet smile, the relaxed stride, a subtle self-assurance that had been missing for too long. "Good evening, Padawan," he finally replied. He continued good-naturedly, "Although I suppose good morning would be more accurate."

"Sorry to be back so late," said Obi-Wan, sipping the rest of his juice. "I didn't realize it would take so long, and I didn't expect you to wait up."

"It's not a problem. I needed to get these student papers finished anyway," said Qui-Gon with a small smile. He waited a moment, watching his apprentice as he stood near the table. Very softly, he asked, "Are you alright, Obi-Wan?" He hesitated before continuing. "Your shields were up so tightly I was afraid something might be wrong, and I was worried about you."

Recognizing the affection behind the honest concern, Obi-Wan was touched. He smiled. "I just needed to work some things out, Master. I was at the training salles and had a pretty intense session, so I showered there. I feel fine, Master." He paused, considering. "In fact, I don't think I've felt this fine since before Junmek."

Qui-Gon smiled back, pleased for his apprentice. "That's good news, Obi-Wan. I'm glad to hear it."

A wide yawn split the apprentice's face, followed by a small grin. "I guess I am awfully tired though, Master. It's been a very long day and it's very late. Would you mind if we skip the final meditations, Master, and go to bed now? I'm not sure I could stay awake through the whole thing."

"Well, since you've been doing so much better lately, I suppose one night off wouldn't hurt anything. And as you say, it is very late, so I think I'll join you. The rest of these can wait until the morning." He began neatly stacking datapads.

The apprentice finished his juice, rinsed the glass and left it in the sink before heading to his room to change. He heard the door to the fresher open and close, waited until he heard it open again before he went out himself to use the facility.

Standing in the doorway to the main bedroom, Obi-Wan took a few minutes to contemplate the sight of his master. At the moment, the long body was neatly contained on its own side of the big bed, although the apprentice knew that wouldn't last long. Qui-Gon's frequent bouts of restlessness in bed were a standing joke; he had already had to replace two buttons on his pajamas that had been torn off in his wriggling. The apprentice sighed a bit guiltily; although he hadn't mentioned it, Obi-Wan knew his master didn't like the nightclothes, but they had quickly become a visible symbol of his support during this difficult time. Qui-Gon faithfully put them on every night, even though most mornings they had ridden up or were half off.

Obi-Wan smiled and moved to the bed. He pulled back the covers, contemplated the blanket for a moment, then quickly slid into bed on top of the blanket, pulling the covers back up.

"Good night, Master," said the apprentice. Sitting up, leaning on one elbow, he leaned over and brushed Qui-Gon's forehead with a quick kiss before settling back onto his pillow.

"Good night, Padawan," replied Qui-Gon with a small grin. Sleepy eyes looked over as hands reached out to touch. He gave a quick squeeze, only then realizing that the young man had not wrapped himself in his customary blanket. "Obi-Wan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Never mind." Qui-Gon lazily watched his apprentice through half closed eyes, savoring the touch of hand in hand. Somewhere in the back of his mind there was a nagging little thought, something vague about Obi-Wan's shields, but it faded away as he drifted off to sleep.

The air was cool against his skin.

~ Cool? ~

Obi-Wan looked around dully. ~ Oh, yeah. Greentag day. ~

Eyes on the ground, the young man shifted his weight. The chains around his ankles and wrists clinked as the line of naked prisoners was prodded forward. The single chain that linked their left ankles together dragged along the floor as the group shuffled down the long corridor. He had long since learned to ignore the jeers, catcalls and blown kisses from the prisoners still in their cells as they moved along. He and Maogg were at the end of the chain, and he could feel the hot body press close to his.

"Boy," hissed the clansman angrily.

"Yes, Mazhten?" A spike of fear shot through him as he recognized the angry tone.

"You have been clumsy in your work and slow in service. You will be disciplined."

"But it wasn't my fault, Mazhten," whispered Obi-Wan angrily. "I tripped over the bucket, I didn't mean to spill it." During the cell cleaning earlier, the apprentice had spilled his bucket of hot, soapy water on the guard's boots; both inmates had been rewarded by an extended jolt on the control collar which had sent them to the floor, writhing in pain.

"You will remember to be more careful next time. You have also been slow and reluctant in serving me."

"Please, Mazhten, I've just been tired," pleaded the apprentice. "I'll do better, I promise."

"You need a reminder in appreciation, boy, appreciation of only having to serve one master. You will get that lesson today. Obey me or your punishment will be even worse."

"But Mazhten, please, -"

"Quiet back there," snarled a guard as he stamped toward the back of the line. Obi-Wan put his head down and hunched his shoulders as the guard approached. Tapping his control rod against his thigh, the guard looked at the last several prisoners, then snapped out "Keep it quiet," before taking up a position behind the line.

The group was stopped momentarily as the guards extracted two more prisoners from a greentag cell and added them to the front of the line. Maogg took advantage of the pause to move close to Obi-Wan, flipping his wrist chain over the Jedi's head so he could use his hands to grope the front of his body, stopping briefly to tweak both nipples, twisting the small rings, then sliding down to fondle the flaccid cock and balls as the guard looked on with casual interest. By now Obi-Wan's body had been well trained to respond quickly and his cock swiftly filled under the clansman's manipulations, straining at the snug silver cock ring around its base. Having achieved his objective, after a last warning tweak to balls and nipples, Maogg pulled the chain back over the apprentice's head and let his hands slide down the back to caress the muscular ass.

Face burning in humiliation, Obi-Wan kept his eyes firmly fixed on the ground as they moved forward, his erection curving up toward his belly, occasionally slapping it as they shuffled along. The catcalls and suggestive leers increased. Even a guard patrolling the line stopped long enough to comment on the moving cock, "Pretty little jailbait sure is a horny bitch," and laugh.

Inside the shower facility, the group moved first to the left and spread out along a low single wooden bench which ran almost the length of the room. On command, the prisoners put one leg over the bench and they all sat, straddling the bench, chains stretched taut. In the warm room, a team of prisoner trustees dressed in shorts next moved into action to take care of the cleanup.

The first order of business was cutting hair. Small portable clippers in hand, the trustees spread out along the line of prisoners and went to work. The head trustee went to the back of the line and started on Maogg, who only asked for a trimming of the ends of his long hair.

Obi-Wan could hear the two men whispering behind him. He couldn't quite make out most of the actual words, but he did hear the term `Jedi bitch' several times and was pretty sure they weren't chatting about his health. The trustee moved up and the apprentice sat quietly as the clippers hummed over his head, evening out the short buzz cut preferred by his owner. He closed his eyes as loose hair floated down.

As the clippers made their last pass, Obi-Wan was surprised to feel Maogg scoot up close behind him. The wrist chain flipped over his head again and one long arm wrapped around his upper belly while the other pulled his hands up to chest level. Hot breath at his ear, "Spread your legs, boy."

Automatically obeying, Obi-Wan opened his eyes to find the head trustee leaning down over him with a nasty grin. Flinching back, he was chastised by a quick squeeze around his ribs that forced out a grunt. The trustee stepped between the bench and the apprentice's leg, forcing his legs out even wider. Thumbing on the clippers, he grabbed the silver ring through the end of the hard cock, using it move the shaft around as he efficiently removed the Jedi's pubic hair. Maogg hoisted him up off the bench so the clippers could move around the entire crotch and up his ass. Obi-Wan submitted quietly to the humiliating procedure, fearful of the consequences of any protest. The trustee took his time running his hand over the whole area, removing a stray hair here and there, before finally turning off the clippers and straightening up.

Maogg released the apprentice's hand and forced Obi-Wan's head sideways. "You will now thank the trustee for cutting your hair."

Pulling his shorts down in front, the trustee thrust a semi-erect cock into Obi-Wan's mouth. Heeding the warning squeeze around his ribs, the apprentice started licking the cock into full erection. He began vigorously sucking to try to get the man off as quickly as possible. Occasionally he would vary the stimulation by using his tongue to caress the sensitive tip. Obi-Wan could feel warm water swirling around his feet as a trustee with a hose began washing down the floor, sending water and hair flowing toward the numerous drains. Several guards and trustees lingered, watching. Warm water washed over his legs, up into his crotch, back down his legs, as the hose played over his lower body. The stream of water caught his cock, causing it to bounce, drawing several lewd comments. Maogg held him tightly in place as the trustee began jerking his hips, face fucking the young Jedi. The trustee finally pulled back with a hoarse grunt and sprayed his seed over Obi-Wan's face and chest, creating a sticky, itchy mess of loose hair and come. Tucking his spent cock back into his shorts, the trustee patted the apprentice on the head as he murmured his thanks to the clansman.

Keeping his features schooled to neutrality, Obi-Wan allowed himself a brief vehement thought before dropping back into survival numbness.

With the show over, a shouted command brought the prisoners to their feet. They shuffled into the shower area as a trustee finished washing down the vacated area. Moving onto the grated surface, each inmate tossed his wrist chain up onto an overhead hook as they had been trained. When all were in place, the head trustee turned a valve and overhead sprinklers poured down a deluge of warm water, providing an initial rinse and thorough wetting.

Most times the next part was usually not too bad for Obi-Wan. Prisoner trustees with bars of soft soap and hoses moved out onto the floor, lathered up inmates from head to toe and then rinsed them. Maogg's possessiveness was well known, so the trustee who got stuck with the Jedi bitch was usually very careful to work as quickly and impersonally as possible. Today was clearly going to be different, however. Shaking his head to clear water from his eyes after the initial inundation, Obi-Wan saw Maogg exchange nods with the head trustee. He watched apprehensively as the head trustee gathered two others with their soap and hoses and headed his way.

All of the prisoners, trustees and guards began turning toward the end of the room as they became aware of the scene unfolding there. Obi-Wan stood with arms stretched upward, legs kicked apart to the limits of his chains. The three trustees were slowly lathering him up, starting with his freshly trimmed head and working downward. Soapy fingers caressed warm skin, lips and tongues worked at his mouth and nipples. A hot mouth slipped down to suck his aching cock, tongue working hard at the silver ring in the tip. More soapy fingers forced their way inside the clenched sphincter as the helpless apprentice squirmed and moaned. Two fingers, then three, brutally stretching the small opening. Obi-Wan gasped as the fingers were suddenly withdrawn and a hose was jammed up his ass, warm water rushing into his bowels.

It felt like hands and mouths were all over his body; everywhere he turned lust-filled eyes watched him, tongues licked wet lips. As his belly filled with water and his cock throbbed, his whimpers and moans were captured by the mouth sucking his tongue. Turned in Maogg's direction momentarily, Obi-Wan was frightened by the hard blue eyes staring coldly at him. His attention was quickly distracted by the cramps developing in his bloated midsection but the hose was yanked from his ass before they could become too intense. He was even more humiliated by the waste water running down his legs, even though it was quickly hosed off. The manhandling, soaping and rinsing continued, accompanied by crude chants and filthy cheers; twice more he was filled and emptied. His nipples were sore and bleeding, his cock painfully sensitive and hard from the continuous stimulation without release.

Suddenly the room fell silent and the three trustees stepped back from the dripping Jedi. There was a faint whir and the hook holding his wrist chain descended enough to allow the apprentice to sink to his knees. Turning his head, he saw Maogg approach, his massive cock erect. The clansman knelt behind Obi-Wan, then in one sudden thrust he plunged his cock into the apprentice's ass as Obi-Wan screamed. The trustees went back to work: one knelt to suck on the Jedi's cock, one sucked at his nipples and the third pulled his own cock out and forced it into the apprentice's mouth. Degraded and humiliated, Obi-Wan tried to yell as Maogg began pounding him from behind. Impaled on the cock in his ass, choking on the cock in his mouth and burning from the mouths on his own cock and nipples, he writhed and moaned.

~ leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone ~

"No!" came from the scream from his raw throat as his fist connected with something solid. He screamed again as he struggled desperately to escape. His legs and arms were being held, he felt like he was being smothered as he redoubled his efforts.

"No!" weaker now.

~ please leave me alone please leave me alone please ~

~ Obi-Wan ~ a distant voice

~ leave me alone ~ he whimpered ~ please ~

~ Obi-Wan, listen to me. ~ stronger now, familiar

~ ?? ~

~ Obi-Wan, it's alright, you're safe. ~

~ Master? ~

~ Listen to me, Obi-Wan. It's Qui-Gon, you're safe, come back to me. ~

~ safe? ~ he grabbed that thought like a drowning man clinging to a rope.

~ It's Qui-Gon, you're home, you're safe. Come back to me, my Obi-Wan. ~

Obi-Wan slowly cracked his eyes open, drew a shaky breath. He peered around, understanding dawning as he recognized the common room of their quarters in the Temple on Coruscant, dawn light just beginning to creep in. His pajama top was ripped half off and he was partially wrapped in a blanket. Qui-Gon was holding him at the end of the couch, trying to calm him, to reach out through their bond. Obi-Wan blinked, drew a deep breath, shifted his focus from the room to his master. He was still shaking and his hands trembled. Qui-Gon's expression was worried and there was a trickle of blood from his nose.

"Master?"

"Yes, Padawan," crooned Qui-Gon. "I'm right here. You're safe now, it's alright."

Obi-Wan tried to push away. Qui-Gon let him go but the apprentice fell weakly back into his arms.

"What happened?"

"You were dreaming, Padawan," said Qui-Gon. "Your shields were up and it took me quite a while to get through to you, to pull you out of the dream."

"Did I do that?" asked the apprentice as he tentatively pointed a shaky finger to his master's face.

"Yes, Padawan. You were thrashing around, tried to run. I had to hold you so you wouldn't hurt yourself." A half smile crooked his mouth. "Don't worry about it. I've had a lot worse, and in any event, it wasn't your fault."

"Force, I'm cold," whispered Obi-Wan vehemently. "And I feel awful, dirty and sick. Why can't I get that place out of my head?"

"It will be alright, Padawan," said Qui-Gon soothingly as he tried to pull the blanket up around his shivering apprentice.

"It's not alright," Obi-Wan shouted. He pushed away and tried to stand up, wavering as he clutched the blanket around him. "It's not alright at all. I did everything I was asked to do, I've been working my ass off, and then this happens." He tried to walk around, gaining strength along with his anger.

"Padawan, the healing process can take a long time." Qui-Gon hesitated a moment. "I saw part of your dream when I was trying to get in. It was pretty bad, and that amount of damage can leave a lot of scars to overcome."

"Pretty bad?" Obi-Wan stared at the older man incredulously. His voice rose. "Pretty bad? If you saw any of that filth you should understand why I feel like such a piece of shit! I was nothing but a fucking animal in that place!" He began pacing, still clutching the blanket. "Work and fucking! That's all I was good for." He paced back and forth angrily. "I have worked so fucking hard and I actually thought I was getting over it. Can you imagine that? What a stupid fucking idiot I was."

"Obi-Wan, calm down," said Qui-Gon in a low voice. "It was just a setback; don't let this undo all the good things you've accomplished."

The young Jedi stopped pacing, flung himself down on the couch, shoulders shaking. "All that work, and that bloody fucking son of a bantha is still in my head," he cried out. "It's not fair, it's just not fair!"b For the next hour Qui-Gon stayed with his apprentice as he alternated between raging anger and sobbing despair, trying his best to steer him back to some sort of emotional middle ground. Obi-Wan finally dropped off into an uneasy exhausted sleep, aided by a Force suggestion from his master.

After wrapping another blanket around his apprentice, Qui-Gon fixed a cup of tea to soothe his own ragged emotions. He sat at the terminal for several minutes, head in his hands, trying to center himself, before activating it.

"Healer Nolspaq? This is Master Jinn."

A yawning image stared back at him quizzically from the monitor.

"I apologize for calling so early on Tenthday, but Obi-Wan has had a relapse."

The Healer immediately straightened and asked for details. After they discussed the incident, she asked Qui-Gon to notify her when Obi-Wan woke up. She urged him to ensure that the young man moved back into normal events such as getting cleaned up, dressed and eating rather than being allowed to sit around and brood on what had happened. Qui-Gon agreed, promised to comm her as soon as he got some food into his apprentice, and signed off.

On to part 5...