Master Apprentice
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Qui-Gon sat his study, concentrating on working through the paperwork that had collected while he was away from the manor.
`Qui-Gon?'
Qui-Gon's head snapped up and he smiled at Obi-Wan. `Come in.' He waved Obi-Wan inside.
Obi-Wan sat across the desk from him. `Eilwen and I had a long chat,' he said softly, leaning forward over the desk. Qui-Gon held himself very still as Obi-Wan's hand reached across the surface of his desk to trace patterns on his hand. `She suggested that I just see where things take me.' Obi-Wan played with the older man's fingertips. `I'm not use to fingers with a callused tip. It feels strange, different.' He moved his fingers over Qui-Gon's hand. `Let me tell you about the cooking experiment Eilwen and I did.' With a determined look on his face, Obi-Wan firmly grasped Qui-Gon's hand, beads of perspiration breaking out as the man trembled visibly.
The stress of doing this was obvious and the strain visible. But Qui- Gon didn't stop it; he could see that Obi-Wan needed to do this, that he had to make himself take this step. He forced himself to remain still under the firm grip of Obi-Wans hand. Delicate touching didn't figure into a man who had little experience in any kind of touching for many years of his life.
`Eilwen and I spent our first years as orphans with religious pilgrims. Not the helpful, neighbouring, nice pilgrims who take on homeless orphans and cares for and educates them. I don't know what religion they served, but it wasn't one that encouraged taking care of the welfare of orphans. Saying we were slaves would of being a nice way of putting what they made us do. Anyway, once they locked us up in the kitchen, and I should warn you it's not a terribly smart thing to put rebellious children near food. I was about eight and Eilwen was three. By that time we knew them well enough to know their habits. Wednesday nights were soup night, and rather than have one big bowl, they would have three small servings of soup. Someone had unfortunately left the salt out and the big soup pot was just sitting on the bench.' Obi-Wan smiled slightly at the memory, thumb rubbing Qui-Gon's hand slowly. Qui-Gon nodded in encouragement, savouring the sweet torture. `So Eilwen and I decided to do a little cooking experiment. Whenever one helping of soup went out, we would add another pinch or so of salt to the soup pot.' Qui-Gon chuckled slightly. `Unfortunately we got rather bored and ended up adding several pinches of salt to the pot before the first serve was eaten. The pilgrims were none to happy that we had ruined their soup.'
Qui-Gon smiled, captivated by the sparkle in Obi-Wan's enchanting green eyes. `I can imagine. Can I tell you a story about something I, and my seven siblings once did?' Qui-Gon asked hesitantly.
Obi-Wan looked surprised, but nodded eagerly. Qui-Gon moved his other, free hand, raising a questioning eyebrow as he gently reached to touch Obi-Wan's hand. The hand twitched under his, but with gritted teeth and a nod, Obi-Wan accepted his touch. Qui-Gon frowned at the obvious anxiety and tension this caused Obi-Wan. But the man was determined to go ahead.
`I was only quite small, the youngest son and seventh of eight children. I only have one younger sister. The others are all older than me. Dylan's the oldest, then comes Emma and Louisa, then Reginald, then the twins Nicole and Debbie, then me and last Beth,' Qui-Gon told him. Obi-Wan nodded slightly, absorbing it all. `My Father, Vincent Jinn, was a very rich, respectable man. The manor and land Dylan has inherited is very large; prime farming land with many servants. With so many mouths to feed, things like chickens for fresh eggs were highly important, but they weren't kept in the best conditions. No fault of my Father's; he just never knew being too busy with other things. We children found them however, kept in a tiny cage all bundled up together with no room to move. It was dirty and grimy; the chickens were infested with lice, fleas and ticks, and the cage was messy and smelly, never properly cleaned. I think my insistence of making sure every and any animal was properly cared for came from that experience.' Qui-Gon paused to see Obi-Wan staring at him in understanding. He had to smile.
`Anyway, we decided to set them free. We had no real plan of what to do with them; no building of a proper chicken coop or something along those lines. We just picked the lock on the gate, opened the door and shooed them all out, handing out fresh scraps for them to eat. The chicken caretaker was furious. He went to chase them all back into the cage, with very limited success. Now that they were free, none of those chickens were eager to go back into their tiny cage. Most scrambled to the river and hid in the reeds, some got into the manor through an open servants entrance. No one quite knew where all of them went. But it soon became obvious we had a rogue rooster somewhere in the house. It took awhile to flush him out, but some good came of it. The chicken caretaker was sacked and Father made sure from that point on that his animals were properly looked after.'
Obi-Wan smiled winningly. `You did much more liberating things than I did as a boy.' A strange expression crossed Obi-Wan's face.
`You may think so, but really it was something any child would do. It was just that as the children of a Lord on a large manor, our antics tended to have far more reaching effects. We had our own cooking experiment you know.'
Obi-Wan's expression cleared and he roused himself to look at him interested. `Really?'
Qui-Gon smiled. `Reginald discovered that some plants are edible to people and could be used as food in emergencies. Reginald was always independent and wanting to make his own way through life. We all, of course, had to find out the truth of this and went hunting around, collecting whatever took our fancy, put it all together and decided on something that looked edible. Not wanting to risk trying it ourselves, we put it in the servants pot of stew to see what would happen.' Qui-Gon gave a slight grimace. `What happened was that we very nearly, single handedly managed to poison every one of our father's servants.'
Obi-Wan's eyes went wide as he paled. `Not good,' he said.
`No.' Qui-Gon agreed. `Good thing my father always had a doctor in house. With eight children, it was necessary to have one just in case. Father gave all of us a through spanking, but Mother told us later that he had once done something very similar as a child.' Obi- Wan gave a warm smile and gently fingered his hands. Qui-Gon looked at him a moment. `Tell me, what was that strange expression on your face a moment ago?' he asked gently, not wanting to frighten the young man away.
Obi-Wan's cheeks reddened. `It's just very strange, sitting across from a man like this,' Obi-Wan indicated their touching hands, `talking about our boyhoods. Thinking of you as a young boy, just like I was, it's a little disconcerting. I guess I'm still getting use to this.' Obi-Wan stroked Qui-Gon's hand as emphasis.
Qui-Gon softened slightly. He shouldn't be surprised. Obi-Wan was new to intimacy in general; let alone this was his only attempt to be intimate with a man. The whole idea was foreign and strange to Obi- Wan. Some adjustment problems had to be expected. He knew talking about adventures during his boyhood with his first boyfriend had seemed quite discomforting as well, because it reminded you, in more ways than can be explained or that you wanted to think about, that you were with a man. A man who had been a boy once too and did the same boy/man things you did. It took some getting use to.
`I can understand that. Take your time to adjust. Everything you do is a learning experience. Some problems adjusting are only to be expected. Even I have to adjust. I haven't been in a ... relationship?' Qui-Gon looked hopefully at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan thought it over and gave a reluctant nod. Qui-Gon beamed in happiness, hope thudding in his chest. `Like I was saying, I haven't been in a relationship for a number of years. The love of my life, Edward, died when I was twenty-three. There have been men I've been interested in since, but not one could replace what we had.' Qui-Gon looked sad and oh so lonely as he said this.
`Tell me about him,' Obi-Wan begged softly, clasping his hands firmly.
Qui-Gon sighed, tears gathering as he thought about his love. `We met when we were thirteen. He was the eldest son of the Earl of Deckingwell, a good friend of my Father's. My parents had just recently figured out I was homosexual. They caught me kissing their hired fourteen year old milkman; a milkman that didn't stay hired for long, from memory.' A fond smile crossed Qui-Gon's face. `My first kiss, if you must know. Anyway, the rich, prestigious families often hire tutors for their children and it isn't uncommon for one tutor to teach more than one student, sometimes at the same time. While the Earl was staying at our manor, since Edward was my age, it was deemed he would join me and my tutor. That first lesson was the first time I saw Edward. He looked at me and liked what he saw; I looked back and liked what I saw. In that moment we clicked. We both knew we were into the same thing and had the same interest. At first we did nothing; it wasn't more than thinking that the other was handsome and liked each other. A young boy's crush I suppose. But as weeks passed and we got to know each other, it became something more, something substantial. Edward's father wasn't as open minded or accepting as mine. The Jinn family line is full of homosexuals. One in every second generation seems to have one. It's why the Jinns always have large families; chances are one of them will turn out gay. My Great Aunt was. So as feelings developed, we took care not to let his father onto the fact. My siblings very quickly caught on and, through them, my parents.
`In my family it is traditional that a new boyfriend or girlfriend is introduced to the parents. Having their acceptance didn't make it easier to introduce Edward to them as a boyfriend, but after awhile they accepted him. I think it helped that, at that age, all we were interested in was holding hands and sharing the occasional quick kiss. The Earl eventually went home and took Edward with him, but I made certain to keep in contact. We would often visit each other; sleeping over in a spare room at each other's manors every now and again. My parents worried for me when I was out of their sight, but Edward's father, being as he was, we could not afford to be caught at Edward's manor. Time moved on and over the years we became exceptionally close. We wanted to be together forever and felt we were deeply in love.' The look in Qui-Gon's eyes became pained and haunted.
`So what happened?' Obi-Wan asked gently.
`Edward's father.' Qui-Gon sighed. `He caught us together in Edward's bed. The moment he realised what we had been doing, he drew out the sword he always carried since he use to be part of the King's guard.' Qui-Gon raised his hand to draw a mark across his chest. `He slashed me across the chest, then down a leg as well. I managed to get away.' A tear trickled down Qui-Gon 's face. `Edward didn't. He was killed before my eyes.' Qui-Gon's voice quavered. `His father would rather have killed his own son then let him live as a homosexual.'
`Oh, Qui-Gon.' Obi-Wan stroked one large callused hand, wanting to do more for the large man but unable to do any more than hold his hands. Even that took great effort on his part. `It was a long time ago.' Qui-Gon gently caressed Obi-Wan's hands with his thumbs. `You had a right to know. My life, for awhile, was very bad. I was riddled with guilt and burdened with intense grief. Coupled with the grievous cut's from the Earl's sword, I was a very ill young man. Fevered and weak, my family feared for my life and I didn't want to live without Edward. Our family really came together for me at that time and I have always being very thankful for having the family I do.'
Obi-Wan nodded and extracted his hands, the strain obviously getting to be too much for the young man. `You are lucky. I barely remember my Mother and I can't remember my Father. The only family I have, and have needed, is Eilwen. I ... thank you for sharing your past. I'm sorry, I just, need to take a break and think things over a little.' Obi-Wan rose from his chair.
`That's fine, Obi-Wan. Take as long as you need.' Qui-Gon let him go, wishing he'd stayed. He'd tell life stories all day if that helped Obi-Wan get past his aversion to touch. He'd never revealed such a personal memory or emotional side of himself to anyone. But he sensed he would have to, to earn Obi-Wan's trust and, hopefully, his affection.
By the end of a week, Obi-Wan seemed to be much improved, though the pile of broken plates grew steadily. But now Obi-Wan didn't seem to fly into a state of full enragement anymore. A furious temper tantrum maybe, but not rage. Qui-Gon saw the change and was thankful and pleased. Now Obi-Wan seemed fairly comfortable as they sat side by side, legs touching, holding hands. It had taken a lot of work and more than a few tears and outbursts to get this far.
So far they had already talked about Eilwen's startling sudden engagement to Jerry, the servant Qui-Gon sent to Silam to rescue her from Obi-Wan's past employer. Obi-Wan was, of course, ecstatic for his half-sister, who seemed truly happy with the prospect of marriage to Jerry.
`Let me tell you about Bret. He's more a friend of Dylan's than mine, but he became disowned by his family when they found he was a lover of men.'
`Tell me.' Obi-Wan stroked Qui-Gon's hands.
`Well, Dylan went to university with him, taking the same course. When Dylan found out he'd been disowned by his family and why, he brought him to my Fathers manor. I was about twenty-five. Physically I had healed from my wounds, but emotionally I was still a bit of a wreck. To see your lover killed is not an easy thing to live with.' Qui-Gon's eyes became haunted a moment. `I had pretty much shut myself off from life and lived almost a hermit's existence inside Father's manor. I was so thin and pale with no life in me at all. I was a wraith, more shadow than human.' Qui-Gon looked bleak a moment, before he shook himself out of it. `Bret had been at the manor a couple of days before he stumbled into me. I had hidden myself in my Father's library, moping over love poetry while idly picking at the food a servant was coaxing me to eat. I'm surprised I didn't starve myself to death. Anyway, he came over and tried to hold a conversation with me with no great deal of success. I wasn't in much of a mood to be talkative. He went away and I found out afterwards that he asked Dylan about me and found out about Edward. He kept coming back; trying to draw me out of the shell I'd enclosed myself in.
`It was one of these times he found me talking to Beth; the only sister not yet married and moved away. She had become, by this stage, the only purpose in my life. For her I struggled to be the brother she remembered.' Qui-Gon sighed slightly, tears in his lovely dark blue eyes. `With both of them united, I had no chance. Determined to see that I rejoined human society, they dragged me back outside of the manor. At first it was just us three; we would take the horses and ride out, taking lunch to have a picnic. I began to look forward to those rides. Occasionally Dylan joined us. I think he was relieved to see that I was starting to return to some normalcy. The sun, the long rides, and the picnics started to return my body to its fit and healthy form. Slowly I was drawn back to society; small tea parties, gatherings, and then parties. At first the local families were uncertain how to treat me after being so long in reclusion, and often I would just sit there and listen to what the gossip was. But Beth and Bret would not give up on me and, as some of my old friends started to regather about me making a point to include me, I began to join in conversations; a few small words and short sentences at first. But after quite a few months I'd recovered most of my former ease with friends and while still quiet around those outside my acquiesce, I was improving.' Qui-Gon looked off to the distance a moment.
`I've never being certain to this day how much Bret cared for me; whether as just a fellow lover of men, as a friend or something more. I could not feel anything more but simple friendship and gratitude for him then. For me the death of Edward was just still too painful, hurt too much, happened too soon ago. If Beth knew of anything, she has never told me. I think she knew I would have felt worse if he had felt something more. But one day Bret went. Without so much as a goodbye he left Father's manor and never returned. The only thing he left behind was a note. By then I'd reinstated myself into society well enough to only momentarily miss him. It was after several months, when I became more fully recovered and much more my own self, did I truly wonder if he had felt something more; more then I was ever capable of giving, still so deeply entrenched in my guilt and my grief.'
`You really loved Edward. didn't you?' Obi-Wan turned to face him better.
Qui-Gon gently reached with his hand and touched Obi-Wans cheek gently. Obi-Wan flinched slightly, but let him stroke his cheek bone. `Yes, I did. I liked Bret, but I never felt anything other than a sort of kinship with him. Edward will always be special to me as he was my first love. But no memory is enough to sustain the power of that love for always.' Obi-Wan's hand tightened in his and Qui-Gon gazed deep into those endearing green eyes, leaning forward slowly. `Will you let me kiss you, Obi-Wan?' he asked softly.
Those green eyes widened and the body next to him went taut, but after a moment Obi-Wan gave a nod and moved those lovely lips closer. Unable to resist their siren call, Qui-Gon claimed them gently, not doing anything more than softly caressing those lips with his own briefly before pulling back to gauge Obi-Wan's reaction. Obi- Wan had his eyes closed, his face twitching slightly as emotions of many sorts flickered over his face. Qui-Gon held his breath, more than half afraid Obi-Wan would call a stop to this relationship right then and there. Green eyes opened, but Qui-Gon could not tell by them what was going through the young man's mind.
`She ...'
Qui-Gon held his breath. Obi-Wan rarely ever talked about HER, finding it extremely hard to say even some small piece about the abuse he'd suffered by her hand. But Qui-Gon was under no illusion now. He was certain that Obi-Wan had been sexually abused by whoever the woman had been.
`She never kissed me on the mouth,' Obi-Wan said slowly. It was like he was slowly drawing out a long and painful thorn, so deeply imbedded it was hard to get at and left in so long it had festered badly. `She would kiss many places, but not the lips.' Obi-Wan shuddered next to him as these memories were revisited.
Qui-Gon's eyes widened, wondering if this meant Obi-Wan wouldn't have the same back lash reaction he had when he was touched. Qui-Gon moved his lips forward again, wanting to kiss away those hateful memories.
`Kiss me, Qui-Gon,' Obi-Wan pleaded softly.
Qui-Gon was only too happy to comply. His lips teased Obi-Wan's until they began to open up under his. Gently Qui-Gon applied more pressure, his tongue moving out to play with those delectable lips as he sucked, nibbled, caressed and teased them until they opened fully for him. Qui-Gon hesitated a moment, proceeding slowly to make sure this was what Obi-Wan wanted.
Apparently so, as Obi-Wan's satiny tongue came shyly forward to taste and tease Qui-Gon's lips slowly and gently. With the tentative tongue in his grasp, Qui-Gon began to tease it; licking, sucking, raking teeth against, and caressing it. Obi-Wan moaned softly, a most erotically pleasing sound. Qui-Gon shifted and he felt his groin stir painfully in a way he'd almost forgotten. Qui-Gon delved further into Obi-Wans mouth. With some gentle coaxing, his tongue began to duel against Obi-Wan's shy tongue. Obi-Wan seemed to be gaining confidence as a hand reached forward to gently stroke his beard. Obi-Wan had a fascination for it; one Qui-Gon would have trouble explaining if he didn't think it somehow assured Obi-Wan that the Lord was a man, that he didn't have the soft smooth cheeks of a woman. A tongue shyly darted into his mouth and Qui-Gon yielded to the tentative exploration, letting Obi-Wan set the pace; revelling in the feel and taste of the man he'd come to love. Lips meshed as an impassioned Obi-Wan explored his mouth eagerly before breaking off the intense kiss. Green eyes were dark with desire as deliciously bruised lips fell open to gasp for breath and regain control.
Qui-Gon smiled gently, gaze warm and loving. `You are so beautiful.' Qui-Gon stroked that adorable dimple in Obi-Wan's chin.
Obi-Wan looked away self-conscious. `You want to love me like you loved Edward, don't you?' Obi-Wan whispered.
`I think I already do love you as much as I loved him,' Qui-Gon confessed.
Obi-Wan looked at him startled. `I-- this is a bit fast.'
Obi-Wan's panicky look as he snatched his hands away was enough for Qui-Gon to know that, once again, he'd moved too quickly, too soon. `I think a great deal of you, Obi-Wan,' he soothed with his voice. `I can't help how I feel; who I am. I don't expect you to feel the same, or feel you have to do anything because of those feelings. You don't have to do anything you don't want.'
Obi-Wan looked painfully stricken and in such a panicked fluster that Qui-Gon wished he'd kept his mouth closed. `Why? Why me? Why tell me at all if you don't expect anything? Why care at all?' Obi-Wan reacted to his conflicting emotions more than Qui-Gon. He seemed to be almost fighting himself as his inability to see he could be loved without there being a catch conflicted with the need to be loved and love back. But he was unable to think love was possible without allowing Qui-Gon to manipulate and twist him for his own means.
Qui-Gon sighed. Obi-Wan had come so far and yet that barrier was still there. The more he delved and dug and thrashed at that wall, the more problems and troubles and heartache he seemed to get. He'd brought Obi-Wan this far and yet his goal never seemed more further away. He never felt so close to giving up in despair against overwhelming odds.
`Maybe it is too soon to admit my feelings,' Qui-Gon said sadly. `I can't tell you why, exactly, I find you so appealingly attractive, or why you are fast becoming the most important person in my life, or why I'm coming to think of you as one of the closest companions I've had. You just are. I am figuring my way through this as best I can, Obi-Wan. I'm not sure what else you want; what I can say to convince you I'm sincere, honest and truthful. I only know that I want you as part of my life, even if we just stay as we are. But with all of these doubts and uncertainties, even I can only go so far before I have to wonder just how much you actually want this.' Qui-Gon rose heavily, disappearing up the stairs to his room before Obi-Wan could think of an answer.
With so many confused thoughts and emotions trickling through his mind, Obi-Wan wandered in search of plates. The problem was he wasn't angry or frustrated; all he felt was a numb kind of thoughtful uncertainty. He just needed to think. After a moment of aimless wandering, he found himself at his fence post; broken plates littered the ground at its base. Obi-Wan looked at it a moment, then heaved himself up to sit upon the post. He kicked the wooden post to relieve some of his pent up emotion, which made it easier for him to think clearly as he stared at the shining pieces of crockery at his feet.
`Obi-Wan?' the familiar voice of his half-sister called. `Obi, what's wrong?' She approached with a frown.
`He said he loved me.' Obi-Wan looked to the distance.
`Qui-Gon?' Eilwen guessed correctly. Obi-Wan just nodded. `I-- you are my half-brother, Obi-Wan. The only family I remember having. You know I'll love you no matter what,' Eilwen said softly.
Obi-Wan looked at her set face of determination. Their mother had died when she had been a baby just taking her first steps. She had been five when they were kicked out from the pilgrims, then was the year on the streets. Then the orphanage; the place Eilwen remembered most, that she had being brought up in for the largest part of her life. The Orphanage held same sex relationships as evil and vile, and Eilwen struggled to forget those teachings for her brother. Obi- Wan was five when Mother died. His memories of her were sketchy but he did remember her and Eilwen's Father. He remembered the pilgrims and their "hospitality" a little too well. He knew Eilwen had a few sketchy memories of the pilgrims and of the harsh street life, but since neither memory was pleasant, she'd blocked most of those memories from her mind. Her true memories started when they had become part of the orphanage. He remembered it all.
`Come, find a patch of ground and sit by me,' he bid her. Eilwen lifted her long skirt and sat to one side of the worst of the broken plates. `You don't remember mother, nor much of the pilgrims, but do you remember Sophia?' he asked her.
Eilwen wrinkled her forehead in consideration. `The name sounds familiar,' she said hesitantly.
`We had just been kicked out by the pilgrims. You were five, I was ten. We wandered the streets, scratching out a living as best we could. That was when Sophia found us. A poor, foreign woman who took pity on us, huddling cold and miserable in a wet corner of the street, starving and hungry. She took us to this little hut and introduced us to Nelly, a washing woman who would clean any garment, even sew for a few coins. They gave us what food they could, and let us huddle up in a corner near their tiny fire. They were an odd pair; a foreign woman in a strange place, stranded by her betrothed and a lonely washing woman made a widow a long time ago. But together they were happy, complementing each other. Nelly would have Sophia help her and Sophia would make little strange trinkets to sell and together they made enough coin to survive. I was only ten, a young boy making the best of what I could, doing what I had to for us both. We stayed under their roof for the rest of that year on the streets, about seven months I think, adding whatever we could to pay for their kindness.
`They never asked how we got a hold of these things. They accepted whatever we could give, too poor not to. I never questioned the fact they slept in the same room, or the obvious love between them; the fact they would hold hands, even kiss before us. All I knew was the love between them, how they had found happiness together, and the occasional night time noises. They had a very special relationship, an exceptionally close one. The only example of how a relationship should be I've ever really had. Do you know why the orphanage adopted us?' Eilwen could only numbly shake her head. `To save our souls from their diseased minds and sinful actions. Trying to make us believe we had been salvaged from a life of hell and save our souls from the devil's corruption. I fought tooth and nail against it. I believed, and I still do, that if those two women hadn't taken us in, we would have died on the streets. And how did they get repaid? Death. When the orphanage got a hold of them and discovered us with them, the two women were burned and I truly only had you left in my world. I was heavily encouraged to never speak of either woman to you again, and you were encouraged to forget. We had food, shelter, a bed, and they were nicer than the pilgrims. I wanted a better life for you than the one on the streets. I let you forget.' Obi-Wan blinked back threatening tears. `I never did. I will always remember the sacrifice those two women made on our behalf. Now you know too."
`Oh, Obi-Wan.' Eilwen rose and hugged him. `I do remember some of it now. I remember Sophia and Nelly. I remember the horrible things the orphanage said about them. I didn't want to believe them. I didn't want to think that a smile like Sophia's could hide any evil, but after awhile I forgot. I blocked the memory because I would rather keep the memory locked away than remember them and think of them as being monsters, because I didn't want to remember how they had died.' Eilwen held back a sob. `You have always looked out for me, taken care of me, been the parents I don't really remember for most of my life. If you want Qui-Gon -- to be loved by him -- then I want that too, with my whole heart. To have and share what Jerry and I have is truly something special, and I could wish you to have nothing more precious and priceless.'
Obi-Wan hugged his sister hard, tears brimming unbidden to his eyes. `Oh, I want it. I want him so much. I want to know, to have the love I know Sophia and Nelly had. To share that kind of closeness. I wish I could learn to share that kind of intimacy. I find it so hard still, just to touch him, to let myself be touched by him.' Obi-Wan choked on tears as they spilled out. `It is so hard, Eilwen. I want it, want it desperately, but it is so very, very hard.' Obi-Wan clung to his half sister and sobbed his heart out; sobbing out the loss of something taken from him, something he'd lost that was so important to him, something he'd almost forgotten about.
The loss of his mother had cut him deeply. The loss of his childhood innocence had brought an inner rage he was learning to control. But the loss of Sophia and Nelly, two woman he'd loved as if they had been his own mother, was a deep cut as well. He had never properly grieved the harsh loss.