Master Apprentice
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`Sir?'
Qui-Gon turned at the sound of Obi-Wan's voice. He stepped away from his bedroom window that he's being mindlessly gazing out of; wondering if he'd made the right choice in going to his Father when he was needed here. When Obi-Wan was here and in need of gentle handling.
`The horses are ready, sir.' Obi-Wan looked rather uncomfortable, eyes glancing about the rich finery of his bedroom.
`Thank you, Obi-wan. How did you get along with Smudge?'
`Ah, fine, sir. No trouble at all,' Obi-Wan told him.
`Good.' Qui-Gon nodded.
`Ah, why name him Smudge?' Obi-Wan asked hesitantly.
Qui-Gon smiled. For a pure blood white Arabian stallion, it was an odd choice for a name. `Tony gave him that name when I dragged the poor thing here. I didn't even know what lay underneath all that mud, infections and flies. Poor Smudge had waterlogged feet, was as filthy as you could imagine, dehydrated and more than half starved. One of the lords north of here went on an extended trip, leaving Smudge in a tiny swamp of a paddock, no shade, not enough food and no reliable clean water source. Smudge was a real wreck of a horse when I rescued him. It wasn't until after Tony cleaned him up that I realised what a prize horse he was; worth a small fortune and yet was stuffed in a paddock not fit for a pig in my opinion and left to rot.' Qui-Gon gave a shake of his head. It still made him angry that people could treat animals like dirt.
`So it's not just people you rescue?' Obi-Wan sounded surprised.
`Oh no, certainly not. That big old plough horse, Clarance, was a rescue effort. Some farmer didn't have proper fencing up. She got all her feet tangled up in wires and barbs. Made a fine mess of her legs, getting all cut up and infected. She was going to but put down since the farmer couldn't afford to give her proper treatment. He let me take her. She's right as rain now. Tony fixed her up.'
`You're not like anyone I've ever met.' Obi-Wan sounded quite stunned. `You actually care not only about everything that happens on your own property, but also everything that goes on in the local area.'
`Of course. Why shouldn't I be? All of this land used to belong to the Jinn's until Grandfather decided to move after Grandma died, when my Father was still small. He sold a fair amount of it off, but kept a small portion of it just in case someone, a grandchild like me, wanted to use it.'
`I didn't know that.' Obi-Wan looked thoughtful.
`I think you'll find I'm full of surprises.' Qui-Gon smiled.
`Like the fact you are a lover of men.'
Obi-Wan had managed to take him by complete surprise. `I, how did you...'
`Your brother didn't say it, but I figured out what he was not directly saying.'
Qui-Gon considered Obi-Wan thoughtfully. He didn't seem upset by this, or put off by it, or even concerned about it. He just wanted the truth. `You know some of my servants have being here much longer than you and still haven't quite figured it out; or at least don't let onto the fact they know I'm homosexual.'
`I won't tell anyone,' Obi-Wan said earnestly. `I know some people can't handle things like that. I've met my fair share of wretched beings on the streets, not a few are like you. Lovers of men wrecked for life because of scandalous talks, financially ruined and thrown out as traitorous scum.'
Qui-Gon blinked. He had not factored Obi-Wan's past life experience when wondering how the young man would deal with his homosexuality. He had not hoped to find such easy acceptance. But street life did bring you into regular contact of the oddest sorts, as his butler would testify. Why else would his butler be so teasingly accepting of his chosen lifestyle. The former gambler was living in slums at the peek of his former career. Nothing he did ever shocked his butler, which was why he was so valuable. He also still had the gambler know how of when to speak, when to be quiet and how to spot a rat. `It doesn't bother you at all?' Qui-Gon asked to be sure.
`Well, no,' Obi-wan told him.
`What if I said I was attracted to you?' Qui-Gon blurted, wondering how he'd allowed his mouth to just say that. Obi-Wan's mouth swung wide open and his eyes went nearly as wide as he flustered, stepping back slightly. `Obi-Wan, I'm sorry. That just came out. I was a fool to say that,' Qui-Gon hurriedly apologized, cursing himself from just ruining his attempts to get Obi-wan to open up to him more. \\Damn idiot of a fool. What are you thinking saying such a thing to such an emotionally damaged and formally abused man?//
`I, ah, is that why you like me? Why you hired me?' Obi-Wan seemed to gather his thoughts.
Qui-Gon braced himself for the worst and resigned himself to telling the truth. `I find you highly attractive, Obi-Wan. I won't hide that from you anymore.' Obi-Wan blushed uncomfortably; more because he didn't see himself as attractive than anything else. `But it's more than for your appearance that I like you, Obi-Wan. Never doubt that. There is something more, a personality I think, that complies with my own. I'm certain you have a sense of humour, though I've yet to coax it out of you, and a fierce intelligence hidden underneath your simpler upbringing.' Qui-Gon had a fond smile on his face at the look of disbelief on Obi-Wan's face. `It's true,' Qui-Gon added. `But enough of this. I have to leave. Don't trouble yourself over it, Obi-Wan. I don't want anything from you; I just think that it is important that you know. Now go wait by the horses. Reginald and I will be down in a moment.'
Some minutes later Qui-Gon was outside, packs in hand, Reginald beside him. Obi-Wan waited by the two saddled horses. Qui-Gon sighed as he watched Obi-Wan stroke Smudge's gleaming white coat.
`Go, talk to him before you leave.' Reginald gave him a push forward.
Qui-Gon glared at his brother a moment. What was it about brothers that kept them interfering in his love life? But he stepped forward, managing not to tread on Misty as she danced in and out of his feet. `I'm sorry to be leaving so soon,' Qui-Gon said softly once Obi-Wan spotted him approaching.
`I never knew my father and have sketchy memories of Eilwen's father, so I can't really understand, but I know how I felt when my Mother died. If you feel anything like I did then, then I understand well enough why you feel you must go to him,' Obi-Wan said softly.
`Thank you. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone. Can you manage? Nancy will make sure you'll have as many plates as you need to break.'
`I'll be fine.' Obi-Wan smiled a bit self-consciously. `It'll give me a chance to think a few things over.'
`Like me? About the fact I am attracted to you?' Qui-Gon hazard.
`I…' Obi-Wan stopped, frowned and started again. `Because of my past, Because of what was done to me -- what SHE did to me -- I've never been comfortable with the idea of becoming -- intimate -- with women,' Obi-Wan said slowly. Qui-Gon stood still, stunned by Obi- Wan's confession; by the compelling sight of Obi-Wan blushing, by the hope that suddenly rose up in him. `I…don't know much about men together. I don't really know what to think. It's all mixed up in my mind.' A tear prickled his compelling, enchanting eyes.
`Thank you for being honest,' Qui-Gon said softly, deeply touched by Obi-Wan's attempt to talk about his past, his troubles. `I'll try not to be away long.'
`Go to your father.' Obi-Wan bade him. `Come back when you can.'
Qui-Gon turned and beckoned Reginald forward onto his horse, quickly tying his packs onto Smudge's saddle before mounting up. He looked down at Obi-Wan. `Take care.' He swallowed thickly.
Obi-Wan's hand edged up the horse's neck to rest on the horse's shoulder, mere centimetres from Qui-Gon's own. `You too,' was Obi- Wan's soft reply.
With one last look, Qui-Gon reined his stallion away from the stable, beckoning Reginald to follow him as he galloped away.
A few weeks later, Obi-Wan was quietly relieved and strangely joyful when he paused in his work to spot Qui-Gon's horse riding up to the manor. The second horse was riderless and tied to the saddle, following behind; which was strange, because Reginald's horse was still here and recovering nicely from her infected foot. Obi-Wan flashed a quick glance at the small pile of broken plates that had grown slightly while the Master was away. It had felt good to break them; to loose the inner rage that roared hotter then the fires of hell in his soul, but he still felt ashamed and guilty for destroying Master Jinn's plates. It had somehow felt wrong when the Master wasn't there in the manor.
The whole time Qui-Gon was away Obi-Wan could think of little else but the missing Lord. He wasn't quite sure what to expect since news came that Qui-Gon's father had died and he knew Qui-Gon was close to his father. It was something he couldn't quite understand. He didn't know his father and had never had a substitute father figure to grow up with. Someone had created him, he just didn't know who.
Obi-Wan tried to keep his calm as the horses approached and Qui-Gon's form became completely visible. Obi-Wan went forth to take Smudges reins as Qui-Gon halted the stallion. Obi-Wan sucked in a breath as he took in Qui-Gon. The broad shoulders were stooped from invisible weight; the normally pleasant expression on Qui-Gon's face was replaced by gaunt weariness. The long silky mane of chestnut hair was limp and tangled. The whole body seemed drained of strength; the strength he had found both frightening and compelling and strangely comforting. Qui-Gon slid off the saddle in disturbing listlessness and exhaustion. Eyes fell on Obi-Wan a moment; black, empty eyes haunted by grief, pain, loneliness and infinite sadness. They were terrible eyes that looked right through him and saw only death.
Obi-Wan shifted and looked away, disturbed by this side of Qui-Gon he had not seen before. The butler came to his rescue then. `Come, Master Jinn.'
Qui-Gon gave a small nod and moved slowly toward his manor, looking so tired and weary of everything. Obi-Wan ached for him; ached to help ease the burden of pain, grief and inner suffering. Obi-Wan turned to the horses; they needed to be untacked. A week later and Qui-Gon had yet to make an appearance out of his bedroom. With a certain amount of trepidation, Obi-Wan stole into the huge, richly furnished bedroom. He found Qui-Gon sitting curled up in a large chair, staring blindly out the window. His eyes were blank, his face dark and shadowed, his beard straggly, and hair tangled, his clothes stained and wrinkled, and Qui-Gon himself smelt unwashed. The man Obi-Wan had gotten to know seemed to have taken a back seat to the mindless form before him now.
`Sir? Qui-Gon?' he said hesitantly, cautiously calling the Lord by his first name. The first he'd done so willingly, though he often thought of him as just Qui-Gon. Black eyes considered him and seem to swallow the light and see only Death. Obi-Wan swallowed, but he'd failed to offer comfort to this man before; he wouldn't do so this time. He'd do what he could.
`It's been quiet here without you.' Obi-Wan came forward self- consciously, unsure of his welcome and feeling uneasy being in Qui- Gon's own bedroom where his higher status was blaringly obvious. He offered a slight smile and nearly balked at the dark look directed at him. But he locked his jaw determinedly and made himself meet those eyes square on.
`It's all right, Qui-Gon. I'm here.' Obi-Wan sat on the bed.
Qui-Gon looked at him a moment, then turned the chair around, back facing him. Obi-Wan took a deep breath. It hurt being turned aside. He set his shoulders and reached up with his hand, willing himself to touch Qui-Gon's shoulder. His hand hovered over the man's stooped shoulder, struggling with himself to touch Qui-Gon. His face twitched as myriads of emotions coursed over him, battling against each other; fear the overriding one. His hand dropped away. It was no good. Tears prickled in his eyes at his own inability, his uselessness and weakness. He couldn't do that one small thing. Obi- Wan swallowed and made an effort to pull himself together. His gaze fell on Qui-Gon's tangled hair. It wasn't if it was actually alive. It was just hair. Nothing special, no nerves to sense touch, it wouldn't actually technically be touching. Obi-Wan moved his hand toward it. **Come on. It's dead, it can't harm you.** Obi-Wan bit his lip as his heart thudded in gripping fear and panic. **Just the tips. Touch it so he won't feel it. He won't know. His back is to you, he can't see you. He doesn't even know you're here really. He's just a man, as you are.**
This gave Obi-Wan enough confidence to gently finger the hair. The contact electrified his senses; his skin tingled at the sensation, having being so long without touching others, even in this small way. He took a breath. *I'm not touching him, just his hair.* With shaking fingers, he stroked a length of hair, fingering its end gently. His gaze focused on the hair and only the hair, detaching it from the rest of the world. He pretended it was just a wig; a piece of dead matter attached to a person. Soft silkiness ran through his fingers and he gave a soft sigh as he revelled in the feel of the soft hair. He felt a heavy gaze fall on him as hair fell from his fingers. Obi-Wan made himself focus on the black eyes that regarded him a moment. Something stirred in the black depths and with a suddenness that took Obi-Wan by surprise, Qui-Gon broke down, sobbing out huge, gasping, heart-pained sobs. Caught unprepared and feeling terribly useless and uncertain what to do, Obi-Wan could only gently stroke Qui-Gon's hair. He kept at it doggedly, determined to be of some small use, though he felt as helpless as a newborn pup.
Qui-Gon eventually curled up in the chair, silently crying, tears dripping down his cheeks, down the elegant nose, down the straggly beard; eyes closed by water-logged lashes. After a moment a large hand gently wiped them away and deep midnight blue eyes regarded him a moment; no longer black, they were still very dark and dim.
`Stay while I sleep?' Qui-Gon's voice asked gravely, voice rough from crying. Obi-Wan could only nod. He curled up on the bed and watched Qui-Gon fall in a troubled sleep, unable to sleep himself. He accepted food and drink from Simone when she found him there. He watched her cover Qui-Gon with a blanket; watching wistfully at the easy way she tucked the blankets about Qui-Gon's large form. She shifted him into a more comfortable looking position without waking him. Eventually Obi-Wan fell into a sleep as well.
When he woke up, he turned to see a pair of red shot, dark blue eyes watching him silently. A tongue licked at dry lips in a way he found oddly appealing. `Thank you,' Qui-Gon's voice croaked dryly.
Obi-Wan managed a slight smile and sat up, grimacing as his cramped body protested. He winced as his shoulder popped back into a more comfortable position with a slight click. Qui-Gon watched him, then turned to stare out the window. Though the man looked better, Obi- Wan could see he was still heavy with grief, sadness, pain and loss. A knock sounded on the door and Obi-Wan's stomach growled as his nose registered breakfast.
`Come in,' Obi-Wan said. Simone came in with a tray of food. Obi- Wan was surprised as Misty came bounding in behind her heels. He was even more surprised when Misty leapt up into Qui-Gon's lap. Obi- Wan's heart was in his throat a moment, but relaxed as Qui-Gon's large hand gently stroked the excited puppy.
`Thank you.' Obi-Wan smiled at Simone as she put the tray down on the bed. The close contact with the dog seemed to calm and comfort Qui-Gon somewhat as Obi-Wan hungrily tucked into the food. `You should eat.' Obi-Wan offered a bread roll.
`You eat it, I'm not hungry.' Qui-Gon waved the food aside.
Obi-Wan sighed and shook his head. He knew Qui-Gon wouldn't eat, but the man must be hungry, he'd barely eaten a thing since he'd come home. Obi-Wan reluctantly ate; silently offering occasional tit- bits, feeling some what satisfied that Qui-Gon at least ate a little.
`Stroke my hair again.' Qui-Gon bade him when he'd had enough. Obi- Wan nodded and moved his fingers through the silky soft hair. Watching silently as tears fell down Qui-Gon's cheeks as Qui-Gon held Misty close. His hand trailed down to Qui-Gon's shoulder but he could not let his hand touch it. Tears of frustration burned at his eyes as shame and anger at himself welled up.
`Obi-Wan?'
The sound of a very familiar voice startled him, and he turned, jaw dropping as eyes confirmed what his ears had heard. `Eilwen?' He drew in a shocked gasp of pleasure at the sight of his beloved half- sister.
`Hush, brother, stay there.' She came over and touched his forearm as she sat at the bottom of Qui-Gon's big bed. Obi-Wan's powerful love for his young half-sister overcame his fear of being touched. Only for her had he ever allowed touch; the only one, for a long, long time. Maybe for no longer. He glanced at Qui-Gon for whom his feelings were so mixed and troubled.
`You wish to touch him?' Eilwen asked, having come in seeing Obi- Wan's failed attempt.
Obi-wan swallowed the rising fear. `Yes,' he nodded.
`You have to let yourself be allowed to touch him,' she told him.
`I'm trying. I can touch his hair.'
Eilwen looked impressed by this. `Now you want to go to the next stage?' she asked. Eilwen had only been a young child of about three when he became hurt. But she still remembered the things she'd done to help him at least touch her. Offering his tiny sister the small amount of comfort of touch had been important to him, especially in the place they had grown up; among those religious zealots. A place much, much worse than the orphanage they had ended up in. He was just very thankful Eilwen remembered little of it. He still had regular nightmares.
`Will you help me?' he pleaded to her.
Eilwen smiled softly. `I'm your half-sister. You're the only family I really remember having. You brought me up, you protected me, you sent me money when you could and now you've seen to it I was rescued and brought here. I love you. Of course I will help.' Eilwen smiled her sweet smile. Eilwen deserved so much better in her life then the one she had had so far. Maybe, like him, she could find some salvation, some protection, some comfort here. `Now look me in the eye and only concentrate on me. Trust me, and love me and remember some of the best, the most fun times we had,' she instructed him.
Obi-Wan locked his gaze onto his sister, thinking only of her, seeing only her. He remembered lying curled up in the little cot they had to share, telling his young sister stories to help her sleep; watching over her whilst she slept. During the day he would try to deflect anyone who tried to hurt her. Often they were separated and he would worry for her when she was taken away from his protective sight.
`Feel, half-brother.' Eilwen brought his mind back to now. His hand twitched in reflex, his fingers gripping onto a thick, muscled shoulder. He forced his mind to concentrate on the cloth under his hand, rather than the firm muscles underneath. He savoured the texture, the feel, the weave, the lines and seams; all the time his gaze was locked onto Eilwen's eyes. He moved his hand slowly, feeling the ripple of cloth under his hand. He fingered the edge of a shirt collar.
`You want to touch skin?' Eilwen asked.
Obi-Wan swallowed. This was hard enough as it was. He nodded slowly, determined to keep going. His half-sister rubbed his arm in sympathy. She couldn't understand how hard this was, not really. But her support helped.
`Do you remember, Obi-Wan? The time we were so very, very hungry? They took away our food. So we hid ourselves away in a cupboard until nighttime and stole out to the kitchen. You helped me onto the kitchen bench so I could reach up and get what food I could from the food cupboards. I was only very small, so I could only reach food close the edge. But we ate as much as I could get down and boy did we ever feast. They were so mad, but with so many others running around, they never figured out who did it.'
Obi-Wan smiled at the memory, but even remembering that incident couldn't entirely distract him from when Eilwen took his hand and placed it on soft skin. He felt the touch of warm, dry, silky skin. Firm, but yet soft. His hand clutched hard as a familiar panic gripped his heart; his eyes went wide in fear. He struggled to control his repulsion and tried to think only of his sister. Tears stung his eyes and he struggled to breathe, fixing his mind to concentrate only on the incredible feel of soft skin under his hand and the brown eyes of his half-sister. Finally his hand relaxed and he managed to calm himself. He cautiously brushed his fingers against the solid planes of Qui-Gon's muscular shoulder, which stayed still under his hands. Qui-Gon was silent but Obi-Wan didn't dare try to look at him. He kept his gaze fixed on Eilwen.
`Do you remember, half brother?' his sister's voice soothed his agitation and he gave her his full attention. `We used to play under the benches they used for meetings. We used to pretend we had escaped but that we were being chased and we would crawl around, hiding. Once, when we were there, they had one of their meetings or something. They all came in and sat down. We crawled around putting stones in shoes, runs in stockings, pinching their legs, tickling their shins with twigs. We snuck behind that preacher of theirs and used one of the candles to find out if his precious robe would burn the same way normal robes did.' Obi-Wan smiled. The robe had burned, causing an enormous uproar. By that time they both were known as troublemakers and actually got kicked out. They had wandered the streets for almost a year until the orphanage discovered them. One scrawny twelve-year-old boy and his younger seven-year-old sister.
His fingers glided over the collarbone and his breath hitched as he followed the bone down to Qui-Gon throat. His sister's hand comforting on his arm. Something attentively fluttered over his knuckles. Rougher, larger fingers then his sister's. *Qui-Gon.* His hand tightened as his mind raced, gripping hard as fear and panic flooded over him.
`Calm, Obi-wan,' Eilwen's voice called from far away. Obi-Wan refocused on her and her hand soothed his panic as she rubbed his shoulder. He closed his eyes and swallowed down his panic, making his fingers loosen. `What do you remember?' Eilwen asked him.
`I remember sneaking downstairs on their night of special celebration. They had presents piled up on a big table. Plenty for each other, expensive gifts too, yet they never seemed to be able to afford to buy us much food, let alone anything else like second hand clothing. I climbed up on the table and you handed up sand and dry cow dung.' Obi-Wan gave a slight smile. His thumb moved over rough stubble along Qui-Gon's neck. The feel of a beard was new to him and he found himself oddly enjoying the sensation of rough facial hair intermingled with the feel of satin skin. He closed his eyes as once again large, blunt fingers brushed over his hand.
`Will you let yourself be touched, Obi-Wan?' Eilwen asked him softly. Her fingers rubbed his shoulder, soothing his fear.
Obi-Wan sucked in a deep breath. Could he do this? Did he want it? Yes, he did want it, but he wasn't sure if he could stand it right now. There was only one way of finding out if he could. He clenched his jaw, his fingers tightening slightly as his readied himself for this. `Yes,' he managed to breath out.
`Do you remember our mother, Obi-Wan?'
Dozens of painfully warm and loving memories flooded him. His hand relaxed automatically in response to those wonderful memories. Tears of grief in his eyes as he sadly remembered that their mother had died when he was five, Eilwen only a young baby. Rough, callused fingers gently, tentatively touched his hand. `Yes,' he choked slightly. `She had your beautiful brown eyes, my narrow face, your smile, a dash of freckles neither of us has, a high brow, and darker hair than I have. It was more a ruddy chestnut brown. She had a beautiful voice with a musical laugh. She also had skilful, gentle hands and she liked to cook. She often smelled of bread and tasted of flour. She loved us both very, very much.' Obi-Wan blinked back tears and his voice croaked. `I was told that my father left when he discovered she had become pregnant. Your father, I think they planned on marriage, but it wasn't to be. You have his hair, but a few tones lighter, and his cheeks. They had this fight, I don't remember much, but he went. Then you came.' Obi-Wan's mouth twitched with a smile, despite the fact rough fingers traced his hand. `I remember looking down at you when you were a tiny baby. I wasn't too fond of you at first. You cried a lot, demanded a lot of mother's attention, didn't do much and I had to help take care of you. You were a lot more fun when you started to crawl. I use to lure you away when mother wasn't watching, then leave you behind in some little corner. I wasn't big enough to lock you in cupboards at that stage. I'd wander back to mother and ask her where L-wan was. That was my name for you. L-wan.' Obi-Wan chuckled slightly at the memory. `Mother would panic and tear around trying to find you. I was always rather upset that you'd have started crawling back on your own and therefore much easier for mother to find. Even after I could manage to lock you in cupboards, you could either use the inner catch to open it from the inside or call out "Oba' let me out" until mother found you. I would get such a scolding.' Obi-Wan smiled as his half sister smothered a chuckle.
`You never told me that,' she accused.
`Well, I wasn't always the nice older half-brother.' Obi-Wan smiled. `Besides, that little cooking experiment of ours is much more fun to talk about.'
`Tell me.' A deep voice seemed to rumble out of nowhere and Obi-Wan was jolted back into reality as his hand was seized by a large, firm hand and a brisk kiss tickled his hand. With a sharp, panicked gasp, Obi-Wan jerked his hand away as if smouldered. Panic seized over him and his eyes went wild as he struggled to find something to break.
`Breathe, Obi-Wan.' Eilwen glanced at him concerned.
Obi-Wan trembled and shook as fear began to over ride his good sense. Rising quickly from Qui-Gon's bed, he spotted Simone watching from the doorway. `Find me plates,' he said as he streaked past her.
Eilwen rose uncertainly. Turning to the man on the chair, her uncertainty turned to anger. `What where you thinking of?' she burst out. `I nearly had him and then you ruined it! Do you have ANY idea how long it took him to finally accept my touch again? His own half sister?' she screeched.
Qui-Gon closed his eyes, feeling tears well as his heart ached with unbearable loneliness. He cursed himself for let himself forget for just a few moments, where and when he was. He had let his imagination go free as he pretended he was alone with an untroubled Obi-Wan; one no longer bothered by past, hand caressing his shoulder, setting skin aflame with his touch, wanting more. Absently Qui-Gon fingered his shoulder where bruises would show from where the young man had gripped a little too hard. But Qui-Gon hadn't dared voice a protest, keeping quiet and still under Obi-Wan's questing hand. For a few short, precious moments, Qui-Gon had allowed himself to pretend; pretend Obi-Wan was his love, talking of his childhood, that Obi-Wan loved him back. Then he had destroyed his own fantasy by moving too quickly on the real Obi-Wan, the troubled Obi-Wan with problems about touch among a great deal of other things. However, for a short while, he let himself be in love and now, well he wasn't sure if he could stop. Eilwen had shown a side to Obi-Wan he had suspected but had never been able to coax out. Now he had seen a glimmer of the boy that had been. The mischievous, cheeky Obi-Wan who had, never-the-less, a very deep heart; who cared strongly and had being quietly rebellious toward the life he had being forced into after the premature death of his mother. Qui-Gon couldn't help but admire him and love him dearly for who he was, who he became, how he had survived and coped with a difficult life. While helping and protecting a very young half-sister as well.
He glanced out the window at the sound of a soft crash. He smiled gently as he watched an enraged Obi-Wan ditch plates at his fence post. Eilwen, still fuming and forgotten behind him, came over to see what he saw.
`You've found a way for him to vent his anger,' she said after a moment. `I never did. I adopted a kitten once, many years ago. Obi- Wan went into a rage and strangled the poor mite. I was so angry, I don't think he ever harmed an animal again, no matter how angry he got.'
Qui-Gon gave a quiet nod. `The Stable Master will tell you how well Obi-Wan cares for the animals. It was a bit of a shock the first time he went into a rage.'
`I'm surprised you've kept him on, considering those are your plates he is destroying,' Eilwen told him.
`He's still here isn't he?' Qui-Gon countered, then paused. `I won't fool with you. You are his half sister, so I feel you're entitled to know that I am highly attracted to your brother.' He looked at her steadily as her eyes went wide and she flustered nervously.
`You're a lover of other men,' she squeaked in surprise. Qui-Gon inclined his head. `Does Obi-Wan know?' she demanded.
`That I am a lover of men? Yes. He even knows I find him attractive. Bouts of bad temper aside, he is a good man, with a complex personality, not surprising considering his life. But one I like.'
`Why are you telling me this?'
`You're his half-sister, his only family. You have a right to know. Obi-Wan is becoming very dear to me. I don't know how exactly he feels, though.' Qui-Gon sighed, slumping in dejection.
Eilwen bit her lip a moment. `The fact he let you touch him, to me says a great deal. He must think quite highly of you, and trusts you. I can only support him in what ever he decides. His is my bother, my mother and my father in one. I owe him more than just my life. I know him as only one close to him could. I don't think after what happened to him -- something he won't even speak to me about -- he will ever be able to trust his heart to a woman.' This was said honestly but reluctantly.
`Though you wish he might?' Qui-Gon prompted; not judging, not demanding, just wanting to know.
`You have to understand that I remember very little of our life before the orphanage. I remember the cold nights on the streets, being hungry all the time, learning to steal and rummage for food, and fight over shelter. I have a few memories of the place we were at before then. Enough to know I am glad we left. The orphanage caretakers are very…judgemental, looking down upon the more unconventional relationships. I don't agree with much of what they say, but it has rubbed off a little. I guess I'm going to have to readjust my thinking though, for the sake of my half-brother. I've never seen him get this close to anyone but me.'
Qui-Gon saw sincere truth in her face and nodded. He glanced out the window to see Obi-Wan throw three plates together. Their combined crash seemed to have satisfied his anger. Obi-Wan appeared quite calm when he walked over to the stable to help Tony with the carriage that must have brought Eilwen.
`I believe it is safe now. You probably have a lot to catch up with,' Qui-Gon said.
Eilwen came up to him and touched his shoulder. `I'll talk to him. He always talks to me. I can help you, and him.'
Surprised by the offer, Qui-Gon gave an appreciative smile. `Thank you.'
Alone, but feeling somewhat more hopeful about his chances with Obi- Wan, Qui-Gon reluctantly dragged himself out of his chair and went to have a long bath. Obi-Wan had taken a big and important step. Qui- Gon felt the bruising skin on his shoulder. Maybe, just maybe.