Master Apprentice
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continued from part three of Into the Light
As I approached the bay that Obi-Wan favored for his workouts, I could see him far out in the water. Sitting down in the soft, white sand, I fell into a light meditation, one part of my mind listening to the slapping sounds that were Obi-Wan's movements as he cut through the waves, the other part turning inward to focus on more private thoughts.
Midway through my meditation, something nudged my mind. At first the pressure was minute, setting my nerves on edge, stepping up the beating of my heart; quickly, it changed, making me cold, driving the air from my lungs. Outwardly, I heard what might have been a strangled cry, but the sound was devoured by the sheer expanse of the sea and the water lapping against the shore.
Meditative posture broken, I blinked and leapt to my feet, searching the ocean for my bonded. What I saw had me shrugging out of my cloak, pulling off my boots and running for the water.
Using the Force to quicken my strides, I pushed my way through the frothy foam until it became too deep to walk. Then, centering my thoughts only on Obi-Wan, I picked up my legs, sank into the warm water and began to swim.
Arms flailing, Obi-Wan appeared to be struggling to keep his head above the water. Bobbing beneath the waves as he was, I found myself hard-pressed to keep track of him. Our bond was filled with what amounted to static, his thoughts unclear and unfocused, survival his only goal. Whether the current was too strong or he was too tired to continue his exercises was unclear, but there was one thing I knew with absolute certainty: Obi-Wan was in trouble.
Mere meters from his position, I felt, rather than saw, Obi-Wan's now-feeble attempts at survival cease. Panic-stricken, I watched him slip beneath the surface and fail to reappear.
*Force!* Stomach clenching, mind cursing the Force which couldn't seem to help me, I dove beneath the water, closing the distance between us. In a downward spiral toward the bottom of the sea, Obi-Wan sank, eyes closed and mouth open. Naked, as he always was during his swims, long hair swirling about him in the current, he looked like some fanciful merman from the stories I had been told as a small boy.
With one last stroke, I was beside him, diving beneath his limp form, lifting him up through the water's depths to the surface. Holding him tightly, supporting his head and shoulders, I waited for the explosive expulsion of air and water, waited for him to gasp for breath, choke on or regurgitate the liquid invading his stomach. But no such reaction came. Obi-Wan was not breathing.
At last the Force bent to see things my way, and I made it to shore in half the time it had taken me on the way out. Mind centered on Obi-Wan, I sustained his heartrate and the baby's heart rhythm, unable to start him breathing again but determined to give him every chance I could.
Dragging him unceremoniously onto the sand, I found my robe where I'd tossed it and laid Obi-Wan on it. Carefully turning him to his side, I massaged his back, sending tendrils of the Force in search of that which prevented him from breathing. Moments later, as I held his head, his stomach emptied its watery contents, spilling it onto the sand. His body cleansed, I could now work on the rest.
Surrounding Obi-Wan with cascading waves of healing energy, I placed my mouth against his and breathed into him. Again and again I repeated the action, hoping Obi-Wan's body might come to see that it was still capable of such a function.
Peripherally monitoring the baby's reactions as well, I rejoiced at the feel of her calm presence. Breathing normally, she appeared to be relaxed in sleep, unaware that anything was amiss. Wrapping her in a blanket of Force, I worked to keep her in that very state. Fetal distress now would only complicate matters...perhaps fatally.
*Come now, Obi-Wan!* I thought. *You can do this! You've made it this far. You can make it a bit further.*
/Breathe, Obi-Wan!/ I shouted into the bond as I forced several more breaths into his lungs. /Your system has just had a shock. Your heart is strong, your body is healthy. You can do this./
Another set of breaths. /The baby is fine, Obi-Wan. She is alive and breathing...but she needs you. You can do this, Obi-Wan. Come back to us. Come back to me./
The cough, when it came, was feeble, but it was the most glorious sound I had ever heard. When his breathing was strong and even, I pulled him into my lap, wrapping him in the cloak and holding him close.
/Qui...?/
/Obi-Wan!/
It was the first reaction I'd had from him in more than an hour.
/Sorry...again.../
/Oh, Obi-Wan.../
/Just keeps...happening.../
His thoughts painted pictures of the first accident here...of the day he had stood and fallen in the Healing Chambers...of other smaller incidents where he had pushed himself too hard too fast.
/What happened out there?/ I asked softly.
/I...felt so good. I felt...strong and I wanted to see how far my body would go./ He stopped. /It sounds utterly brainless and foolhardy now,/ he admitted. /But at the time it seemed safe enough. I guess I didn't realize how quickly my body would tire or how far away from the shore I was. If you wouldn't have been here.../ He shuddered and the movement wracked his body.
"But I was here," I said out loud. "And no harm has been done."
/But it *could* have been!/ he hissed. /I could have killed our child and myself along with her. Doesn't that make you the least bit angry?/
My calm had often unsettled him, although I'd tried to explain that one day he would possess such a trait. Truth be told, I was shaken, but worrying about Obi-Wan and our daughter was quite effective in preventing me from going out of my head with certain crazed thoughts.
/I have you, Obi-Wan,/ I told him. /And I have our daughter. You are both fine and healthy and there is little more important to me than that right now. Later, however.../
I paused and felt him concentrating on my words. /I think some rather lengthy meditation will be in order, to resolve some of my feelings and your apparent self-conflict. Later. Now, I want to get you to the clinic for testing and observation./
He insisted on walking, refused to be carried, but made it no more than six steps before collapsing into my arms. Then he allowed me to carry him, grumbling all the way, until exhaustion and sleep claimed him.
Approaching the clinic, I looked down at Obi-Wan. If nothing else, today had served as a reminder and a lesson to Obi-Wan: Jedi were not infallible. *He* was not infallible. However much he wished to be all right, right now, he wasn't; he was well on his way to healing, but he was not healed yet.
~*~
In the months that followed we talked, meditated, cooked, visited with friends and neighbors, and loved one another. Ironically, as Obi-Wan slowly gained back the confidence he'd lost after his near-drowning, a new awkwardness began to develop.
~*~
"I love this, Qui-Gon, I really do," he assured, resting a hand on his stomach. "And I love you." To illustrate his point, he stood on his tip-toes and placed a tender kiss on the end of my nose, not easy to do, with the considerable bulge that now preceded him. "But how much longer do you think this will continue?"
I couldn't stifle my laugh. "I should think another three months, Obi-Wan. At least according to the ten month gestation period of your people. Haven't we already covered that?"
He ignored my teasing. "That's not what I meant," he said indignantly. "And you know it. What I meant was...I meant that...well, maybe that *is* what I asked, but I didn't mean it that way."
I laid a reassuring hand on his arm. "Then what did you mean, Obi-Wan?" I asked.
"I just meant...just as I'm beginning to get used to the way my body is supposed to move and feel, it's starting to change."
He sighed, having difficulty expressing himself. "I've completed my therapy and I thought that would solve everything...but suddenly I've got other movement limitations, different aches and pains, and a new center of balance that seems to change every other day." He finished in a rush. "It's..."
"Childbearing," I finished for him with a smile.
"Something like that," he said in resignation.
"I'm sorry that this has all happened at once, my Obi-Wan," I said, putting my arms around his shoulders and pulling him to me. Slowly, I let my hands roam down his body, resting my hands on his belly, caressing the mound there as if I could touch the child within.
Obi-Wan groaned at the contact, as if it were the most sensual of touches.
"You have done well, my Obi-Wan," I reassured him. "Look at you; there is virtually no sign of the accident six months ago. Your leg has healed beautifully, the effects of your head injury are non-existent. Your back has taken longer but it, too, only bothers you after lengthy uses-or misuses-of it."
The scowl on his face turned briefly into a smile as his thoughts followed my own in regards to some of the ways his back had been over-extended.
"I'm sorry to complain," he said at last, his anger dissipating. "You must think me awful. Only..." his voice trailed off.
"What?" I asked.
"I can't remember going through any of this with...with Kelan."
His face clouded over again as his thoughts turned to his son.
"I don't imagine you can remember much in regards to his growth and birth. Your thoughts were...rather occupied at the time. And the circumstances were so much different."
He nodded slowly. "I never made it this far, though," he said, referring to the fact that Kelan had been born after just six months gestation. "It feels...odd."
I turned him to face me. "How so?" We hadn't talked of Kelan's birth much; I hadn't wanted to impose on Obi-Wan's memories and he hadn't volunteered to speak of it.
"I keep waiting for something to happen, for someone to tell me this isn't real or that something has gone wrong. I know that sounds morose, but that's how I feel.
"And so many things have happened since the conception, things that could have easily ended her life. But they didn't. She survived it all and in two months we are going to have a daughter...a living, breathing, beautiful daughter..."
The emotions were too much for him and, chest heaving, he fell against my shoulder sobbing, for Kelan, for all that had happened, and for what was to be.
"Today is the day, Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan said in greeting as I emerged from the bedroom one morning several months later. He had put together something for breakfast that looked questionable but smelled wonderful and my stomach suddenly growled with hunger. His choice of foods recently had become...interesting.
"The day for what, Obi-Wan?" I asked, motioning for him to stay seated as he attempted to rise and fetch my tea. Turning to look at him before heading into the kitchen area, I found him frowning.
"Ten months ago *today* our daughter was conceived," he said, his tone saying I should have known. He fidgeted on his chair like an over-anxious padawan learner.
"Yes," I said, ducking into the alcove to pour the tea and returning to the table. "And...?"
"Qui-Gon!" He was truly upset with me.
It made me stop and consider what he might be trying to say.
"Obi-Wan? Do you know something I don't? Are you having pains? Has the baby changed position? Do you feel ill?" As I spoke, I found myself becoming as agitated as Obi-Wan.
A look something akin to disappointment crossed his face. "No...not yet..." he said slowly, rubbing his stomach. "But the gestation period *is* ten months and it *has been* ten months since her conception. I think that with some meditation I can get things started until nature takes over."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I borrowed time by taking a slow sip of tea.
"Obi-Wan..." I had no idea what I would say. He had been so moody lately, that anything I said was likely to be taken the wrong way.
"You disagree?" he asked in an accusing voice.
Slowly, he rose from his chair, arranging his robes around his now-enormous belly. Holding on to the table, the window sill, the armchair, he made his way across the room and back. It was painful to watch.
"Obi-Wan..." I began again, feeling no more certain of myself in this second attempt. "I know the midwives have spoken to you about the baby's birth and I know you have read the corresponding texts...so you should know that a child usually enters the world of its own will, in its own time.
"When a child is ready to be born, it will be born. Aside from obvious instances where a child would need to be taken early or by surgical means, a baby is usually the one to decide when the time is right. Not the parents, not the Force, and not meditation."
I saw him shiver, lean against the table to steady himself. "But I'm ready for this now." His voice dropped low. "And if I wait...I might not be ready."
"Obi-Wan, come here." Holding out a hand, I waited until he placed his hand in mine and led him to the couch. We had taken to meditating here, as Obi-Wan's body no longer allowed him to kneel on the floor.
"Allow me to guide you in meditation," I requested.
Guided meditation was most often used by masters when first teaching padawan learners; it was a way to convey the many intricacies of meditation, inside the meditation itself. When a padawan began to grasp the scope and expanse of what meditation meant to a Jedi, the guidance was slowly phased out.
Yoda had used the method with me many times even after my knighthood and during my subsequent Masterships. He found it strengthened the sympathetic bond between us and it had always helped me to find my focus and center when they seemed all but lost to me.
With only a moment of hesitation, Obi-Wan bowed his head in consent. Reaching out, I ran my fingers down his cheek.
/Clear your mind,/ I told him. /Allow me to guide this meditation. Allow me to guide your mind, that you may find some peace./
I felt Obi-Wan's mind brush against mine, giving his permission.
/Let go, Obi-Wan,/ I told him. /Take all that weighs heavy on your heart and release it into the Force./
I paused, that he might follow my instructions. It was difficult for him; there was so much he wanted to hold on to, so many things he felt the need to keep inside himself.
/Relax your mind,/ I encouraged. /Move beyond your body. Here there is only you and our daughter./
/And you./
Obi-Wan's voice in my mind startled me.
/Yes,/ I said. /I'm right here with you./ I sent soothing waves of the Force in his direction.
/Imagine yourself as you were before the Force blessed us with a daughter. There is no pain in your back...no tightness in your belly. Your mind is clear and your body is sleek and toned./ I felt him relax marginally as his memories brought back images of more familiar times.
As I allowed him to explore these new feelings, I felt him tense suddenly.
/I don't want to forget this time!/ he said adamantly. /I don't want pretend it didn't happen or let it fade into the background until I have nothing left but our daughter./
/No,/ I told him. /That won't happen. I merely think you need to be away from it, for a short while, to gain perspective and center your thoughts./
Outwardly, he nodded.
/Think about our daughter now. See her there inside yourself, curled, perhaps sleeping, relaxing with you./
I could see the baby, through his eyes, as his mind drew a picture from what he felt.
/She's not sleeping,/ he said. His mind voice had an almost dreamy quality.
/What is she doing?/ I asked, interested both in knowing and in taking Obi-Wan's mind off his physical aches and pains.
I felt the familiar aura of Obi-Wan's smile. /She's sucking on her fingers,/ he said. /And.../
The meditation link wavered as Obi-Wan bent double over our joined hands, riding out what appeared to be pains in his stomach.
/Obi-Wan?/ I gripped his hands tighter, wanting to help him but not knowing how. He grunted as another pain hit. /Obi-Wan?/ I was beginning to worry. /Shall I send for the midwives?/
/I'm.../ he managed to straighten up for a moment. /I'm not certain.../
Taking my hands, he placed them on his belly and I felt what he had felt: a movement from inside, an almost rough-and-tumble series of shifts and kicks more powerful and continuous than any he had experienced before.
Slowly, I ended the meditation. Outside our shared calm, Obi-Wan wore a look of utter panic.
"Lie down," I said, helping to lift his feet until he was prostrate on the couch. "Easy," I soothed as he clenched his fists with another of the pains. "I'm going to send someone to fetch the midwives."
With one last caress of his shoulder, I ran for the door, not wanting to leave him but needing to at least get to someone who could get the healers.
Rushing across the street, I called out, "Stelli! Efrain! Anais!"
Efrain, the youngest of the three children at age ten, appeared almost immediately on the front porch.
"Master Jedi? Is something wrong?"
I didn't want to panic anyone needlessly, but I also didn't wish for him to dawdle on the way. "Efrain, I have need of the midwives. Will you run to the clinic and tell whoever is working in the entry? Tell them it is for me and they will understand."
Efrain was down the steps in two big jumps.
"Yes, Master Jedi! Right away, Sir!" He took off at a gallop, his bare feet leaving clouds of dust in his wake.
By the time Camill arrived, I had managed to get Obi-Wan to sleep. She asked several questions before preparing to examine him. I sat close beside him as she did first an external and then an internal probe. Obi-Wan whimpered in his sleep at the latter.
"Has he gone into labor?" I asked, not knowing why I dreaded hearing the answer. As if in reaction to my question, Obi-Wan's body thrust up against the pressure he was feeling inside.
"I do not believe so," Camill said. "Although they may continue for some time, I don't think the contractions are a sign of impending birth. I think they are a result of the baby being especially active-you said you could feel her kicking and that Obi-Wan knew she was awake.
"As was true at his last visit to the clinic, the baby still has not turned and moved into the correct birthing position. To have the baby at this point, most midwives would agree that it would require surgery."
"But you would not?" I asked, curious to know what we were facing. Obi-Wan was fully expecting to be allowed to have this baby as he had had Kelan.
"There are those in our order who believe that a child in any position can be delivered naturally. I cannot tell you what the collective decision would be if Obi-Wan's labor continued right now. Much depends on the circumstances and the timing."
"What would you suggest we do now?"
"I am scheduled to go off-duty in four hours. I will stop back here on my way home, if that is acceptable."
I nodded, glad to have someone beside myself to watch over Obi-Wan.
"If there is still no progress, Obi-Wan may go about his regular activities as he feels able. Rosal has the evening shift and will be at the clinic throughout the night if you have need of someone. And should the need arise, she can have someone come and get me."
"Thank you," I told her gratefully, helping her collect her instruments and walking her to the door. "And thank you for coming over so quickly."
Though the pains continued through the night, they were less brutal and came less frequently.
"Can you feel her, Obi-Wan?" I asked. I was spooned behind him, holding him in my arms.
"Are you joking?" he asked, sounding as tired as I felt.
"No, not at all," I told him honestly. "I'm sorry. I know there is pain. I was merely wondering if you could focus on her state of mind, her thoughts."
"No," he said, melancholy creeping into his voice. "Although she is calmer than she was earlier today. And..." his voice trailed off.
"And...?" I encouraged.
"The sense of urgency I felt before is gone," he finished, sighing. "She may make her entrance soon, but I don't think it's going to be tonight."
Cuddling him a moment longer, I spoke into his mind.
/Then why don't we try and get some sleep? Perhaps a walk or a swim tomorrow will help to speed things up./
/Yes,/ he said, eyelids already growing heavy, head lolling back on my shoulder. /Hold me?/ he asked.
/Always,/ I said, pulling him possessively against my chest, hands slipping down to rest at his belly.
"Goodnight," he said quietly.
"Goodnight," I answered back. /And goodnight to you, little one./
Twelve days later, Obi-Wan was beside himself. And I wasn't fairing much better. When he wasn't submerged to his neck in the luxurious tub in our bathroom or standing under the equally soothing spray of the water shower, he was meditating and working through a few of the simplest katas.
In between answering transmissions from Mace and Yoda on Coruscant, I spent time with Obi-Wan in the tub, massaging away the painful aches and cramps in his back. This was the only place he was truly comfortable now; with the water to buoy him, he was not burdened by the weight gain and bulk, which grew larger by the day. He could move more freely, relax as he couldn't while sitting or standing elsewhere.
We had tried everything to encourage the baby's arrival, including some rather unorthodox bouts of loving-making, which resulted in both of us wanting much more than Obi-Wan was able to manage. The sessions had left both of us frustrated and unfulfilled.
Three weeks after the baby's scheduled arrival, Obi-Wan was ready to give up. Most of the time, he hated Bellaqua, hated himself and his body, and hated me for not allowing him to pick up and leave the planet.
The other part of the time he spent outside, basking in the peace the planet had always seemed to bring him, or in my arms, allowing me to comfort him and fill him with the Force energy he could not seem to capture himself.
Keeping up with his changing moods was draining. I savored the times when he was agreeable and upbeat, although they seemed to occur less and less. When he was angry, disheartened, his emotions threatening to spill over and ignite the last of his control, I shielded for him, supported him; there was no need for the neighbors to feel what he was feeling. Even though the people of Bellaqua were not a psychically sensitive race, they would have been affected by the outpouring, becoming agitated or confused as a result, and not knowing why.
"You look like six kinds of Sith hell."
I looked up from my meditation in surprise, rubbing watery eyes.
"Qui-Gon?" His teasing took on a serious tone.
My eyes were refusing to focus. I closed them, then opened them again and blinked, trying to eradicate the fog clouding my vision.
"Qui-Gon? Are you well?"
I could feel that he wanted to kneel beside me, to comfort me and find out what was wrong, but he literally couldn't. Not wanting to cause him further stress, I got my feet beneath me and stood...only to find myself swaying precariously.
"Qui-Gon!"
I didn't fall, but I looked around frantically, searching for something to hold onto to prevent such an occurance.
I felt Obi-Wan's arm beneath my elbow, offering support.
"Let me help you to the bed," he said. Slowly, we managed to make it there, he beginning to pant noticeably under my weight and I breathing deeply against increasing dizziness and nausea.
"You're exhausted," he pronounced, pulling off my boots and waiting until I layed back against the pillows before covering me up.
"Meditation is..." I began.
"What you need is sleep," he said, stroking my hair. "Not meditation. I know how hard this has been on you, the way you've been covering for my mental lapses and weakened shields.
"I also know that no matter how all-powerful I think you are and how strong you believe yourself to be, even stoic Jedi masters cannot keep up appearances indefinitely."
I smiled wanly. "You've discovered my secret," I said. "Now how will I keep you impressed?"
"There is no need," he told me quietly. "I have never sought that which impressed me, only that which comforted me, believed in me. Loved me."
I sighed. I had not seen this side of Obi-Wan in so long. "Thank you," I said. "I love you too."
"Get some rest." He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. "I will remain at the house until you fall asleep. Then I think I might walk into town with Stelli. She's taking her Advanced Education Placement Exams today and she's asked if I would quiz her on several of the subjects, to assure her preparedness."
"Obi-Wan...that's too far..." To my ears, my own voice sounded distant.
"So I'll walk slowly," he said. "And I'll have plenty of time to rest before the walk home. The exam is scheduled to last three hours."
I could barely keep my eyes open, was hardly in a position to argue with him.
Another kiss. "I'm feeling good today, Qui-Gon. It happens so infrequently; allow me to take advantage of it."
I managed a "Please be careful," before my vision were overtaken by the darkness that was sleep.
~*~
I woke disoriented. Piece by piece the conversation I'd had with Obi-Wan some hours before came back to me. He had gone to town...on foot.
It had not sounded like a good idea before, but now that I had rested, gained some perspective, it sounded even worse. He'd said he'd be with Stelli most of the time, and the clinic was not far from the testing site, but I was still worried.
/Qui.../
I was pulled from my thoughts by Obi's voice in my mind.
/Obi-Wan? Is everything okay?/
Hesitation. /Qui, I.../
/Obi-Wan, where are you?/
/We're on our way home...maybe halfway./ Tension rippled along our bond.
/What is happening?/
/I don't know...maybe nothing. But I don't want to upset Stelli./
/Obi-Wan, has the pain returned?/
/Yes. Only...it's different this time./
/Different how?/ I asked, already shoving my feet into my boots and searching for my cloak.
/The pain is more constant, more concentrated. It is coming in regular intervals and is located lower than it was previously. Maybe.../
/No./ I could already see where his thoughts were going. /If you are halfway home already, continue in this direction. I will meet you. I will send someone for the midwives so that Stelli can remain with you until I reach you./
/Thank you,/ came the relieved reply.
/I'm on my way. I will see you shortly./
The man who lived next door was in his buggy and on his way down the road as I waved him down.
"Are you heading for town?" I asked him.
"That I am," he said. "Do you need a lift?"
"No," I declined. "But I do need a favor. Will you stop at the clinic and request that either Midwife Camill or Midwife Rosal come to our home?"
The man nodded. "Count on it," he said. Then, as if suddenly thinking about it, he asked, "Is it your mate? Is it his time?"
"Yes, I think so," I told him. "Please, you will be doing both of us a great service in fetching the midwives."
"Where is your mate?" he asked. "If he is already in town, allow me to take you to him."
"He is with Stelli. They are on foot, on their way here now, coming from town."
The man was out of his buggy in one movement, leaping down to the ground.
"Take this!" he said, grabbing my elbow and urging me up onto the seat. "My son lives not far from here. I will borrow his buggy to take to town and bring the midwives back myself. Your bonded must not be made to suffer anymore than he already has."
Obi-Wan's status always seemed to be common knowledge among the neighbors, mainly because they were concerned about his health and well-being.
"Now go!" he insisted, already heading off along another path to his son's house.
~*~
Neither Stelli nor Obi-Wan looked in my direction as I pulled up beside them.
"I thought you might like a ride home," I said, smiling at the looks on their faces as they realized it was me. "You've had a long day."
"Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan exclaimed aloud. /Thank the Force./
/Obi-Wan, how are you?/
/I've been better,/ he said weakly. /I'm not sure I would have made it all the way home./
I jumped down, striding around the buggy to Obi-Wan's side and helping him, with no small amount of effort, to climb into the front seat.
"Hop aboard!" I told Stelli.
Smiling, she threw her shoulder bag up ahead of her and climbed up, taking a seat in the back.
"Isn't this Neighbor Barnum's team?" she asked, referring to the three animals harnessed to the front of the buggy.
"Yes," I answered. Mr. Barnum was kind enough to lend them to me for a bit."
/Yes, I'm sure that's exactly how it was.../ Obi-Wan said knowingly.
/It is not an untruth,/ I insisted. /Mr. Barnum *did* say I could borrow them. And you've not been entirely honest with Stelli, either,/ I reminded him.
Obi-Wan had the grace to blush, the color standing out against his pasty complexion.
/Point well taken,/ he conceded. Suddenly, he held onto the frame of the carriage, turning to the outside and doubling over, retching.
"Obi-Wan!"
The retching continued and finally I stopped the buggy, moving to hold Obi-Wan as he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the road.
For many moments after it seemed there was nothing left to bring up, he sat hunched over, heaving dryly.
I rubbed my hand in circles around his back, talking quietly, surrounding him with heat and calm.
"Master Jedi?" Stelli's voice was unsteady. "I did not think before that Obi-Wan was well. Is he going to be all right?"
I pulled Obi-Wan back around, encouraging him to lean against me as I started the team moving again. His head rested on my shoulder and I could feel him shivering in misery.
"Yes, Stelli," I said. "Eventually."
I didn't want to elaborate, but she seemed to find it an acceptable answer. We spent the rest of the trip in silence.
~*~
We barely made it into the house before the midwives arrived. Force knew how fast Neighbor Barnum had driven his team, but I was almost beyond caring.
Rosal examined Obi-Wan as I updated Camill on his condition.
"He is definitely in labor," Rosal said, coming over. "According to Obi-Wan, the contractions have been coming harder and more frequently for the last four hours. They are extremely close together now."
I looked in Obi-Wan's direction. He sat on the couch, breathing against the pain and rocking back and forth. I stepped away from the healers to go to him. Rosal caught me by the sleeve.
"There is something else you should know."
Her words stopped me cold.
"The baby still has not turned."
My heart pounded in my chest. Obi-Wan did not want to have our daughter by surgical means.
"What are our options?" I asked Rosal, as Camill went to Obi-Wan's side.
"I still do not believe surgery is necessary," she said, referring to our discussion almost a month before.
"NO!" Obi-Wan shouted from across the room where Camill had obviously been having the same discussion with him.
I hurried over to Obi-Wan, sitting beside him, taking his hands in my own.
"Don't worry, Obi-Wan," I told him. "Nothing will be done without your consent."
I received a hard stare from Camill but ignored it.
"Tell us what you think should be done," I told the midwives, "And we will discuss it."
"As I've already said, I don't necessarily believe surgery will be necessary. But I would like to get Obi-Wan back to the clinic as quickly as possible. We're much better equipped to handle an emergency there, should one arise. I do not recommend birthing here, under the circumstances."
"No!" Obi-Wan said again. "I don't want to give birth at the clinic. I want to stay here."
/Qui-Gon.../ he said begged. /We agreed that our daughter would be born here...explain that to them./
He gripped my hands tightly against the pain of another contraction. Our bond crackled with the mental energy he was expending to get through it.
/We cannot endanger the baby's life simply so that we may adhere to our plan, Obi-Wan./
/Fine!/ he said sharply. /Then *I* will tell them!/
"I will not go to the clinic," he said firmly.
Whether I believed it to be the best decision or not, I admired his ability to stand up for what he wanted.
"This is where I feel comfortable and this is where I wish to give birth to my daughter. If I am at ease, then she will be at ease as well. Exactly as it should be."
The midwives could hardly argue with that.
"If for some reason you cannot deliver her here, you have my permission to transfer me to the clinic. But only in the case of an emergency. Not before."
It was clinic policy to allow the patient to make decisions until such time as they were mentally or physically unable to do so. The midwives consented.
~*~
Stepping from the shower for the third time, Obi-Wan fell against me, clinging tightly to my sleeve, whimpering through a contraction.
"I can't do this much longer," he said hoarsely when it was over. "I'm so tired."
"You can do it, Obi-Wan. Come, lie with me on the bed. It will take your mind off the pain."
The meditative calm I was able to instill in him was broken as his body arched and shook again.
"I want to soak in the bath," he said suddenly. "The shower is fine for the pain in my back, but I want to be where I can concentrate on my body and the birth, not on the pain."
"Obi-Wan...the midwives feel that the warm water would only slow the limited progress you've made. Perhaps later, when the labor is more active, when dialation is more complete..."
"No. Now."
~*~
It wasn't working. Nothing was working. Out of the water, Obi-Wan was overtaken by the pain, could not control it. In the water, he was more relaxed, more centered and at peace, but the contractions seemed to almost stop.
One of the advantages of the bath was that he could rest. He was exhausted, but sitting between my legs, head against my chest, he finally managed to nod off.
Unaware that I, too, had drifted to sleep, I was awoken by a splash of water in my face.
"Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon I know now!"
I held onto him tightly, afraid he would slip from my grasp and under the water in his excitement.
"Obi-Wan? What is it?"
"I saw our daughter's birth, Qui-Gon!"
"Did you have a dream, Obi-Wan?"
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "And I know why our daughter has not come yet. This is not the right place. It never was."
"Then you believe she will be born at the clinic?" Inwardly, I was relieved.
"No," he said. "She will be born by the sea."
"Obi-Wan..." Had he gone mad?
"I'm not crazy, Qui-Gon," he said. "All I ask is that you believe me."
"I believe you're not crazy," I told him. "But..."
"Not me! My idea. Please believe that I am not out of my head. It was real. I saw it. She was conceived in the sea and she will be born in the sea. The Force is guiding me in this Qui-Gon. I only ask for your support."
I ran my hand through his wet hair. "You have it."
~*~
The midwives were less than happy to hear our latest plans. It would take us further from the clinic and further from help if it became necessary.
I borrowed the buggy from the neighbor again and the midwives took it to the new birthing site, guided by Obi-Wan's directions. Obi-Wan and I traveled on foot, with the agreement that he would ask for assistance if he needed it. It was hoped that the exercise would get the contractions started again.
The journey was a slow one, but I had not seen Obi-Wan so calm in months. His mind was turned inward for most of the trip, cataloguing his body's reactions and responses. We stopped during the contractions and I held him, helping him ride them out. By the time we reached the cove, they were coming so frequently it was hard to make any walking progress at all.
"Well, you appear to be in heavy labor," Camill commented as she helped me undress Obi-Wan and lead him into the shallow lagoon he had chosen. The water was clean and crystal clear, warmed by hot springs beneath the ground and free of the salt that filled the oceans.
Even I relaxed as we sank in up to our chests. Obi-Wan groaned in pleasure. For nearly an hour we cuddled while Obi-Wan's labor continued.
"Ohhhhh...Qui-Gon...I think..."
Instinctively, he moved away from me to one of the shallower areas. On his hands and knees he panted, breathing hard. I placed my hands on his shoulders, supporting but allowing him to control his movements.
"I...ungh..."
His hips thrust up and down in an all-too-familiar motion, but this time the intent was different.
Camill was at the side of the water.
"What should...I do...?" Obi-Wan asked, looking up at her with wide eyes.
"Do whatever comes naturally to you," she said. "You seem to be far more in touch with yourself and your daughter than any of us. You lead the way and we will follow."
I felt Obi-Wan beam at the midwife's praise and her permission to take control of the birth.
"I think...I want to...push..." Obi-Wan said as the pressure built once more.
"Then do so."
Obi-Wan grunted, surrendering to the needs of his body.
"Qui-Gon is behind you, Obi-Wan," Rosal assured him. "Push when you feel the urge. He will be there to catch the baby when it is time."
Between pushes, Obi-Wan rested, leaning against the lagoon's cool, sandy bank.
"Something is...happening..." he moaned, rocking on his hands and knees. "Qui-Gon...help me..."
I let the love I felt for him at that moment pour forth, not caring whether it was felt by the midwives or the town.
Reaching beneath him, I felt the softness of our daughter emerging.
"Rosal..." It was not the head I was feeling, soft with the downy hair of newborns.
My fear transferred to Obi-Wan.
"Qui-Gon?"
"The baby is breech," I said quietly. "Can we still do this?"
Camill joined Rosal beside the water.
"As long as the labor continues to progress and the baby is emerging, then yes, I believe we can," Camill said.
"Perhaps I could use the Force to change her position..." I suggested, even as Obi-Wan pushed again, driving the child further out of his body.
"Not without risk to her," Rosal said. "No, continue this way. Backwards or forwards, this baby is coming and I don't think she's going to let a little detail like positioning stop her."
"Unnnnghhhh..."
"You're doing wonderfully, Obi-Wan," I crooned. "I can touch her now."
I could feel Obi-Wan's heart pounding as his back and legs tensed.
Slowly, our daughter slid out, backside first. I watched it all like the miracle it was, my hands shaking, dividing my attention between Obi-Wan's needs and the baby's entrance.
"I have her, Obi-Wan," I said as her head emerged at last. "All of her."
As I held the baby, saw blue eyes staring up at me so innocently, I froze. Clamping down on what was left of my shields, I covered the horror of seeing the umbilical cord looped twice around our daughter's neck.
I shook my head. No. This would not end as the last birth had. Our daughter was alive and she was going to stay that way. My sense of urgency did not escape the midwives' attention.
"Take her and turn her, Qui-Gon," Rosal said. Apparently she, too, saw the logic of keeping the details from Obi-Wan. "That's it. Just take your time." Her voice calmed me, guided my movements.
I felt like I was suffocating. I had delivered one dead child; I could not...*would* not...do it again. Shaking, I forced myself to breathe. She was free from one of the loops.
"She's fine in the water for now," Rosal said, still talking slowly, quietly. "See how calm she is, how undisturbed by all of this. Take her gently in your hands and turn her again. Gently turn her and all will be well."
"Is there a problem?" Obi-Wan's tired voice held a note of panic. "Qui-Gon?"
"She's got blue eyes, Obi-Wan," I told him, trying to keep my voice steady to avoid rousing his suspicions further.
If anything, the tactic made him even more suspicious. "I want to see her, Qui-Gon," he said urgently. "I want to see our daughter."
Hands woefully unsteady, I concentrated on my task, letting Obi-Wan's voice flow over me. My first concern was our daughter's life. If that meant taking a moment or two more or making Obi-Wan upset, then so be it.
With one more twist, I freed the baby from the rest of the cord.
"Qui-Gon! What is..."
"Reach down," I told Obi-Wan. "Reach down and touch our daughter."
Tentatively, balancing himself on one arm, he reached out, and I guided his hand to the baby's head.
"Her hair is curly," I told him, hearing him gasp at the sensation of touching our daughter as she was still so intimately connected to him. "It's going to be the color of yours when you were small, I think."
"I want to hold her, Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan's tone was pleading.
Accepting the instrument Rosal handed me, I cut the cord. Sensing it was done, Obi-Wan sat up, moving until he was in my lap.
"Our daughter," I announced, removing her from the water slowly and placing her into his arms.
"She's beautiful," he said in awe, touching her cheek, her hair, her fingers and toes. "So beautiful...Thank you, Qui-Gon."
I smiled. "You did all of the work," I told him.
"But you did half of the creating," he reminded me.
"Yes, I remember it quite clearly," I said, reaching around to hold our daughter as well.
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said, turning to the midwives. "Thank you for allowing us to have our daughter this way. We will never forget your kindness."
"It was our pleasure," Camill said. "This birth was a blessing to watch. You truly did know just what was needed. We were merely spectators."
Obi-Wan looked down at our daughter again. "She's so quiet. Shouldn't she be crying?" A thought struck him and his face went suddenly white.
"Is she all right? Is she breathing? Oh, gods..."
"Obi-Wan...Obi-Wan!"
His heart raced, his mind shut down. He began to gasp for breath.
"It's just like Kelan!" he said, panicking. "He never cried. He couldn't. Oh, gods, Qui-Gon, help me. Help our daughter."
"Obi-Wan."
My hand on his forehead, I blocked the negative thoughts, filling his mind with images of our daughter's birth as I had witnessed it.
"She's fine, Obi-Wan. Give yourself a moment to calm down and you will realize you've known it all along."
He gasped, and I felt him trying to gain control over his thoughts.
"That's right. Take it slowly. Breathe. Feel our daughter breathing beneath your hands."
"She's...she's really all right...?" he asked in a small, confused voice.
"Absolutely," I told him. "She's big and healthy and perfect."
"It is often this way with 'tirzah'," Rosal said. "Born with their eyes wide open, they many times do not cry, sometimes for weeks, so at peace are they, born into the water."
"What does it mean?" Obi-Wan asked in wonder, beginning to calm down.
"Tirzah?" Camill said. "Literally translated, 'tirzah' means 'water child.'"
"Tirzah..." Obi-Wan repeated, letting the word roll off his tongue. "Tirzah..."
"What do you think, little one?" I asked, stroking my finger along her cheek. "Shall we call you our water baby?"
"To use the language of our people in a naming is the highest of all honors," Rosal said breathlessly.
"Then Tirzah it will be," Obi-Wan decided, knowing I was in full agreement.
"Welcome, Tirzah," I said, holding Obi-Wan and our daughter close. "When you are old enough, we will be certain you know where and how you came into the world, and how your name was chosen. We will never forget this day and what you mean to us."
"May the waters remain forever calm for you, Tirzah," Camill said, leaning over to place her hand on Tirzah's head.
"And may your sailing always be smooth," Rosal said, doing the same.
EPILOGUE
~ LIGHT ~
The baby was crying. Thinking me to still be asleep, Obi-Wan slid out of bed and went quietly into the next room.
Since arriving back from Bellaqua a month earlier, we had shared the responsibility of Tirzah's nighttime care. But Obi-Wan, ever-concerned about my well-being and the effects of me having to get up every three hours, was usually the first one to make it to the bedroom.
Sighing and wondering how I was ever going to convince him that while I was older than he I wasn't dead yet, I quietly followed him into the bedroom that had once belonged to my young padawan learner.
Through the circular window at the far end of the room, the lights of the Coruscant night were shining brightly. In the corner stood the baby crib; visible through the white slats were two clenched fists and two kicking, bootied feet. Obi-Wan walked over to stand beside the bed.
Aware of his presence, Tirzah quieted, began to coo. Almost magnetically, I was drawn into the room, watching as Obi-Wan looked down upon our daughter in wonder.
"Oh, my," Obi-Wan breathed. "You are beautiful..."
I could feel Tirzah's sweet smile, knew there was a dimple forming in one pale pink cheek as she did so. Obi-Wan reached into the baby bed to retrieve her. Holding her in his arms, he gently rocked her until her mouth opened in a wide yawn and her eyes began to close.
Quietly, Obi-Wan paced the room, calmed by the soft sounds the baby made as she drifted to sleep, watching her tiny chest rise and fall with each new breath.
Unable to stand back any longer, I crossed the room, laid a hand on his shoulder. Utterly focused on the life in his hands, Obi-Wan jumped and turned, taking care not to disturb the sleeping bundle.
I smiled, and when Obi-Wan would have spoken, I put a finger to his lips to silence him, placing my arms around his middle instead, holding him tightly.
Our daughter in his arms, Obi-Wan leaned back, tucking his head against my shoulder, content, for once, to live in the moment.
~ el fin ~
*You can read more about water birth by going to: www.waterbirth.com or www.gentlebirth.org/archives/watrbrth.html Thank you to Caly Rose for the location of the first site, which is where my research for this story began.