Master Apprentice
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continued from part two of Into the Light
"Qui..."
The whispered plea fell close to my ear.
Quickly, I lifted my head causing muscles, too long immobile, to strain painfully. Groaning, I reached up to grip my neck, rub the kinks and knots out, and realized my hand was asleep.
"Qui-G...?"
Jerked without warning into an upright position, my back cracked loudly in protest, but I would ignore the impassioned pleading no longer. I turned toward the source of the long-anticipated voice.
"Oh, Obi-Wan," I sighed. "I was so worried. You've been gone such a long time."
Lying against the pillows, beside the indentation that had been my head just moments before, Obi-Wan looked tired and wan...but so very alive. Feeling molded to the chair, I managed to stand, bending to lean over him, unable to resist placing a tender kiss on the dry lips.
Color crept into his face, then, pinking his pale cheeks. For a moment, his eyes sparkled as I loved, but then...
"Obi-Wan?" I asked in concern, reaching to take his hands in mine. I could sense the increase in his breathing, the fluttering of his heart.
"I..."
Pain shadowed his face.
"Obi-Wan? Do you hurt?"
"Ohhh..." He blanched; his face went from pink to gray to deathly white as he tried to speak but couldn't.
"Please, Obi-Wan, tell me where it hurts...show me where..."
Slowly, lines of pain standing out at his temples, he raised a hand to his head.
Oh, gods...
"Quin!" I turned toward the door and shouted into the corridor. "Lazir! Come quickly!"
Force! The healers had assured me that the swelling in Obi-Wan's brain was diminishing, that the skull fracture was mending. Yet here he was, in immense pain, unable to communicate even a few simple words.
Arriving at the same time, the healers rushed into the room, one on each side of Obi-Wan's bed.
"Qui-Gon?" Soni Quintel asked, his Force and scanners already whirring about Obi-Wan as he spoke. "What's going on?"
"Can you not see he is in pain?" I demanded. "He awoke calmly enough, but soon after began to experience excruciating pain. He has indicated that it is in his head."
Obi-Wan's eyes were closed tight, his jaw was clenched as he concentrated on blocking out the pain. On the pillow, his shoulder-length hair whipped from side to side with the twisting of his head.
"Obi-Wan, shhhh..." I tried to soothe, brushing some of the wilder pieces of hair back from his face. "The healers are here now. They will take care of you."
For several long moments, there was nothing but the insistent buzzing of the Force and the soft whimpers coming from Obi-Wan. Suddenly, Lazir Horizon leaned toward Obi-Wan, purpose in her movements.
"Obi-Wan." She placed her hands to his temples, causing him to cry out. With no small amount of restraint, I held myself back. "Obi-Wan, stop."
Was she asking him to refrain from moving? From making noise? Both were in reaction to the pain, and I saw no way to ensure that he would cease.
As if sensing that I was trying to follow her reasoning, Lazir spared a quick glance in my direction.
"He is trying to access the Force...to communicate through your bond," she said simply.
Then, "Obi-Wan, you must stop." She still held his head in her hands. "Your head injuries will not allow you access to the Force right now. Perhaps not for quite a while. You must stop trying to get it to respond to you. It cannot. There is too much internal interference."
Obi-Wan seemed to fight even harder.
"Obi-Wan!" The healer's command had the same non-affect as her earlier gentle tone. "Qui-Gon...see if you can convince him. He mustn't try to use the Force or the bond. His injuries are too severe and doing so will only compound the problem and compromise the healing that has already taken place. If he calms, the pain he's feeling should disperse."
Soni stepped out of the way, allowing me to sit on the edge of the bed. Hands flat against Obi-Wan's cheeks, I let my thumbs caress his cheekbones.
"Obi-Wan, please listen to what the healers are saying. You must not attempt to call the Force or use it in any way. You have a skull fracture and a serious concussion."
I looked into his eyes, electric green and filled with fear. "I know it scares you not to be able to feel the Force, but you must trust me: If you can calm yourself, the pain will recede. Our bond is still here," I touched the side of his head gently, and then the side of mine. "As strong as ever. You're just not in a position to use it right now."
Muscle by muscle, I felt his body relax as he gave himself over to the truth in my voice. As he calmed, the spasming in his chest eased, his breathing evened.
"Yes, Obi-Wan," I praised. "You're going to be fine. Allow me to access the Force for both of us right now. As soon as your reactions are within acceptable limits, I will tell you anything you want to know."
Questions fairly lit up his face and his agitation began again.
"Slowly, Obi-Wan," I said, running my hands over his shoulders, down his arms. "Take it slowly."
A Force suggestion and the gentle ministrations of the healers soon had Obi-Wan quiet again.
"Thank you," I told the healers. "May I be alone with him now?"
They nodded. "You have only to summon us if you have need of our services," Lazir said, giving my shoulder a quick squeeze.
When they were gone, I moved the chair as close to the bed as was possible, keeping one hand on Obi-Wan's hand and the other in his hair, wanting him to feel safe, cared for.
A pleading look from my bonded said that he wished for much more.
"I would like nothing more than to sit with you, my Obi-Wan," I told him, fingers carding through feather-soft hair. "To hold you close, in my arms, to kiss away your fears. But for now this will have to do."
"Wh...wh..."
His gaze grew even more intense as he struggled to speak.
What did he wish to know? Where he was? What had happened? Why I could not hold him? Perhaps if I began talking I might answer at least some of his questions.
"You are in the Healing Chambers on Coruscant, Obi-Wan," I told him. "Do you remember being on Bellaqua?"
There was a pause and then a quiet, "Yes."
"Good. We were at a dinner, thrown for us by Honoress Wren. Do you recall that?"
Again, a yes.
"You left with a group of your friends, to walk down to the seaside." Obi-Wan's eyes said that he remembered that as well. "There was an explosion."
Obi-Wan winced, shuddered, and I paused to allow him time to assimilate the difficult memories.
"One of your friends told me you felt something before the bomb went off, that you warned them to clear away then used the Force to remove those from harm's way who would not have otherwise made it."
There was a look akin to horror on Obi-Wan's face. Evidently his memories went that far back.
"You saved your friends, but you were caught in the melee yourself," I told him.
"Dark..." was all he said.
"Yes," I agreed. "It was dark. You went to the cove after dinner and were there for quite some time. It was late in the evening when I was awoken to...come to you."
Obi-Wan looked agitated. He shook his head 'no'.
"*He* was dark," he said slowly.
Then I understood. "You felt a...darkness...when you sensed the presence of the one who did this, Obi-Wan?" I asked.
A nod.
"Did you sense anything else?" I asked hopefully. There were precious few leads into the incident and any small details would help.
"No...it happened so fast."
He looked distraught and apologetic all at once, and I immediately felt guilty for badgering him. In my own apology, I gripped his hands and squeezed.
"Do not let it worry you, love. I know this is difficult. I shouldn't have asked."
"No..." he said again. "You just...care. Thank you."
His eyes, half-closed and teary, his face, turned up but away from me, demanded something. Gently, I kissed the top of his head, his hot eyelids. Tasting the salty sadness there, I allowed my tongue to lap at the evidence of his turmoil, encouraged by the moan that escaped Obi-Wan's lips.
"The Honoress has her people exploring all avenues," I assured him. "I'm sure she will inform us if they discovering anything." Obi-Wan closed his eyes. "I...just can't...I can't...remember...anything else."
"I had to ask," I said gently. I saw him nod in understanding. A Jedi's life was filled with questioning, learning, investigating. "Do not let it worry you. The matter is in the hands of the Bellaquans now."
I touched his hair, comforted by the silky feel of it sliding through my fingers. "You should get some rest."
Obi-Wan's eyelids drooped at just the mention of sleep.
"I will be here when you wake again. And we will talk some more. Agreed?"
He barely managed a "Yesssss..." before he was lost again, to a restful world of slumber.
During the next hours, I could feel some of Obi-Wan's strength returning; the Force flowed through him more easily as the head trauma slowly healed.
With a low moan, Obi-Wan came awake again.
"Obi-Wan?" I asked, concerned. "What do you need?"
"Thirsty..." he rasped.
A cup of room temperature fruit juice had been left beside the bed by one of the healers. Quickly, I found it and held it to Obi-Wan's lips, letting him take only small sips of it. As the liquid quenched his thirst and the sweetness danced along his tongue, an almost electrical pulse ran through him.
"Better?" I asked, even as I sensed his satisfaction.
"Yes," he said. "Thank you..."
"Obi-Wan, you have a question...?" I could feel it burning in his mind. Still standing at his bedside, I took a moment to turn and set the cup down.
"Qui-Gon..."
"What is it Obi-Wan?" His currently diminished use of our bond kept me from knowing what he was thinking. I placed a hand on his shoulder in reassurance. "Surely you know you can ask anything of me."
"Am I...will I...walk again?" The last two words were whispered with such dismay it tore at my heart.
"Oh, Obi-Wan," I breathed, touching his cheek. "Yes."
"But...I can't feel my legs. When I try to move them, or concentrate on the sensation of lying in bed, even feeling the pain in my injured leg, the Force blocks my every attempt. How do you know...?"
Carefully I sat down beside him on the bed. "The healers assure me that it is so. Your body has been traumatized; you've damaged things most people have no cause to think about their whole lives. Your body has been terribly broken and bruised and it's going to take some time to mend."
I stretched my legs until they reached the end of the bed. When Obi-Wan showed no signs of protesting, I slowly maneuvered until I was on my side, facing him, and took him gently into my arms. The bacta brace, which held his spine immobile, was hard beneath my hands, but just having him near me made all the difference.
Like a taut wire being cut, I felt the tension drain from his body as he relaxed into my touch. Forehead against my shoulder, face buried in my cloak, Obi-Wan grieved silently, wordlessly, shedding no tears but pouring his confusion, fear, and anger into the Force.
Without a feel for the living Force, the emotions were uncentered, careening wildly through his mind and about the room. Reaching out, not wanting Obi-Wan to know that I was doing so, I used my mind to create a dampening field. Obi-Wan was perfectly justified in his feelings, but there was no reason the entire Temple, or at least the whole of the med staff, needed to be aware of them.
Gradually, the urgency decreased, leaving Obi-Wan limp and dazed. Guilt and shame permeated his every cell.
"Obi-Wan..." I held him tighter, enfolding him physically as well as mentally. "There is no need to..."
"I am Jedi," he said, as if it was the answer to everything. "I should be stronger than this."
"Why?" I asked, and I could feel his shock at the question. "You are a Jedi, yes, because of your training and background, but you are also a man. A man who has been seriously injured and must ready himself for the long road to recovery."
"But..." Obi-Wan tried to interject.
"And it is okay to accept help and support along the way, my Obi-Wan," I finished, squeezing his shoulders which were still tense beneath my palms. "As much as you may want to, you will not be able to do it all on your own. And no one expects you to. Please don't feel you have anything to prove."
I softened my voice. "I know how important it is to you to solve your problems yourself, but you have to trust me when I tell you we're all going to have to work as a team on this one. Together we *will* succeed."
"I...can't..." Obi-Wan said falteringly.
The admission startled me.
"You can't...what?" I asked cautiously, wondering if we were talking about the same things.
"I can't...do it alone...I have no strength, the Force will not answer my call..."
The last was said with bitterness.
"Obi-Wan, listen to me," I said firmly. Gently I pushed him away from me, laying him back against the pillows so that I could look into his eyes. They were filled with pain.
"There are real reasons you can't feel the Force right now. And they have nothing to do with discipline or mental ability. On our return trip from Bellaqua, you were heavily medicated to compensate for the pain I could not release for you through the Force.
"Your skull fracture and concussion have caused bruising and swelling that is not going to just disappear in a matter of days. And while there is swelling to the brain, you will likely experience dimished use and awareness of the Force.
"The more rest you get, the more relaxed you allow yourself to be, the faster your injury will repair itself, allowing you to regain the lost control. But you mustn't push yourself too hard; rushing things will only lengthen your recovery time."
Obi-Wan looked contemplative. "M...my leg...?" he asked. "And my back? What will be required to heal them?"
As I'd hoped, talk of the more technical aspects of his injuries captured Obi-Wan's attention, pulling it away from thoughts of the Force and his feelings of inadequacy.
"The healers believe you will be up and walking inside of a month, and fully mobile a month or two after that. You're leg is already beginning to heal, but will require extensive therapy, as will your back.
"The most likely reason that you cannot feel your lower extremeties right now, is the injury and nerve damage that's been done to your back. As with your skull, there is swelling, with certain pathways temporarily blocked, causing your legs to feel numb.
"And just as your ability to feel the force will return with the healing of your head injury, your ability to feel your legs and to walk again will return as your back begins to heal. But it will take time."
Obi-Wan sighed, although his depression and panic seemed to have eased somewhat.
"I just want to be able to *do* something..." he said. "I can't lie here for the next three months doing nothing. I'll go crazy!"
"And just how, Knight Kenobi, did you get *that* idea into your head?"
Healer Quintel's entrance startled Obi-Wan and I alike.
"H...Healer...?" Obi-Wan asked carefully, as if wondering how much of the conversation the other man had been privy to.
"You will certainly be doing much more than 'nothing' over the next several months, Knight, if you truly wish to gain your independence."
This caught Obi-Wan's attention, pulled him in. A challenge.
"I do!" he said with all the endearing enthusiasm of a four year old eager to please the creche master.
"Then you will work for it, Knight," Quin told him. And although Obi-Wan was too far into the healer's speech to notice, I could see the twinkle in Quin's eyes.
"I don't want you to overextend yourself so soon," the healer told him. "But I believe we should begin your therapy right now. You will allow your bonded to lead you in fifteen minutes of the Peace Chant and then fifteen minutes of shared verbal meditation.
"Qui-Gon will do all the work; you should concentrate on the words, the feelings, and the sound of his voice. Do not try to reach out to the Force. You will not be able to access it and it would only cause additional stress to your injuries."
Quin turned to me. "Qui-Gon, you will see that he does not overtax himself. He may join you in the chant, but should concentrate on healing and relaxing as you help him to meditate aloud. You may use the Force to assist him as you feel necessary, but if you feel him reaching out to the Force, you have my permission to stop him. It may be an ingrained response, but right now it's the last thing he should be doing."
The healer looked at both of us. "Do either of your have any questions?" he asked.
I looked at Obi-Wan and he made no sign of needing further clarification. The glaze in his eyes spoke of being given a large amount of information in a small amount of time; he was still processing it all.
"Very well," the healer said. "I will leave the two of you alone. Qui-Gon, when you've finished the half hour, he should be made to rest. And if things become too much during the meditation or chant, you may allow him to pause or stop for the night. This time. Knight Kenobi, see that you follow my instructions. Good evening."
Within the week, Obi-Wan began to gain back the feeling in his legs; within two weeks, he was entrenched in rigorous rehabilitation, both healing-Force and physical, in preparation for the next step: learning to walk again.
/Qui-Gon!!/
The mind-shout crashed head-long into my morning meditations and I barely had time to complete my thoughts before I surfaced.
Checking the bond, which was now accessible to Obi-Wan, thanks to his nearly-healed head trauma, I found not panic or pain, but joy.
Hurriedly plucking my robe from the bed where I'd left it, I headed for the Healing Chambers and the sound of the voice in my mind.
Although I knew with a certainty that Obi-Wan was in no danger, I was not prepared for what I found when I entered his room.
"Obi-Wan..." I murmured.
Halfway between the bed and the doorway, Obi-Wan stood; braces still encasing his back and leg, he was nonetheless vertical under his own power.
"Force, Obi-Wan," I said as the air rushed back into my lungs. "I'm an old man. I can't take this much excitement all at once."
The grin that spread across his face said that he was delighted to have surprised me.
"You will never be an old man," he said defiantly, then added, "At least not for a long while."
I laughed. "With you in my life to keep me feeling as young as the day I was knighted, I almost believe it. And I believe congratulations are in order."
Through our bond I sent Obi-Wan a reflection of him standing before me, and an impression of everything I was feeling in that moment, not the least of which was great pride.
"You are...proud of me...?" he asked, taking one faltering step towards me.
/More than words can say,/ I sent through the bond. I could almost hear Yoda's incantations running through his mind: Pride leads to selfishness...selfishness leads to....
"Why?" he asked, honestly curious.
"Because you have triumphed over adversity," I told him. I glanced down his body, taking in the slight swell that was our unborn child. "Because you have kept your mind open and your thoughts positive, something that will likely affect our daughter for the rest of her life."
At the mention of the baby, Obi-Wan brought his hand up to lay it against his belly. "I don't want her to worry," he said quietly. "She must be allowed to grow and develop to her fullest potential; I don't want her to be affected negatively by my attitude. I do this..." he took another step and then another, falling into my open arms. "...for her..."
At first I thought he had simply let himself go, knowing that I would be there to catch him. But the sudden dead weight of his body said that he had passed out.
Stumbling backward, staggering under my burden, I shouted for the healers. Someone was going to answer for this.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Lazir Horizon's shock seemed sincere as she took in the tableau before her. "How did this happen?"
Ever the healer, she moved to Force-lift Obi-Wan from my arms, settling him back on the bed as she awaited my answer.
"I was about to ask you the same question," I replied, letting her feel my anger and fear.
She looked at me in surprise, stopping her examination of Obi-Wan in mid-scan.
"I was with another patient, Master," she said, emphasizing the last word.
"You should have been here, with him," I accused, adrenaline from the moment flowing through my veins thicker than the blood.
Lazir stood up, pulling herself to her full height. "It is not my job to babysit for him, Master Jinn! Obi-Wan is well aware of his condition and of his limitations. If you ask him, and if he is honest with you, he will tell you that he has been cautioned against standing, save for with the support bars in therapy. And he has certainly been told to exercise his new-found strengths only when a healer or a therapist is present.
"He is a knight, Master Jinn. If he cannot be trusted to manage his own health concerns, how does he function in the field?"
The accusations stung, but they made me reconsider what I'd been going to say.
Lazir's voice, which had become louder and louder as she spoke, brought Healer Quintel in from the main ward.
"Is there a problem, Zir?" he asked, looking first at Lazir and then at me.
The other healer glared at me for a moment longer before turning her attentions back to Obi-Wan. She did not answer.
"Qui-Gon?" Quin asked, his voice demanding answers.
"The problem has been taken care of," I told him grudgingly. "It seems I have placed too much responsibility on the medical staff, and not enough on my bonded.
"Thank you for your concern." I took in both healers with the statement. "I will speak to Obi-Wan when he comes 'round."
"Then perhaps now would be an appropriate time," Lazir said, standing again and indicating Obi-Wan, now lying back against the pillows, green eyes open.
"Most appropriate, yes," I answered, watching the healers depart before turning to face my lover again.
Through the bond I could feel Obi-Wan's trepidation. He was uncertain about the exchange that had taken place, but he knew I was less than happy with him.
"...Qui-Gon...?" he asked cautiously.
Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I attempted to find my center before I let go of the words that were ready to explode from my mouth the moment I opened it. I wasn't entirely successful.
"What were you thinking?" I cried, watching his eyes grow wide, his mouth open in self-defense. "I would blame the concussion, but the healers assure me your head wounds are very nearly healed. Which brings me back to the question, 'What were you thinking??'"
I was fairly hissing, attempting to keep my voice down, lest it draw the attention of the healers again.
"Qui-Gon, I..."
I saw on his face that he remembered what had happened, was asking himself the same question, even as I asked it of him.
"Yes...?" I probed.
"I..." His bright eyes suddenly dulled with defeat. "Never mind," he said. "It doesn't matter. My apologies for frightening and disappointing you. I will apologize to the healers when I see them next." Nothing more to be said, he turned his eyes ceilingward.
My heart constricted. It was clear that he did have a reason for what he'd done...and clearer still that he no longer felt his reason was valid, not because of his own beliefs, but because of mine.
I sat on the bed, busying my hands with straightening the bedcovers when what I really wanted to do was to hold him, soothe him, assure myself that he was all right.
"Obi-Wan?" He wouldn't look at me. I placed two fingers beneath his chin, gently turning his head in my direction. "Obi-Wan? Please tell me what is going on."
"You wouldn't understand," he said, not so much insolently as sadly. "As I said, it really doesn't matter."
Now I took his face between both my hands. "It matters, Obi-Wan," I told him. "You are my bonded. When you hurt, I hurt, even when that hurt is your pride or your feelings."
Obi-Wan sighed. "It's really nothing. Just a childish fantasy, I suppose. Unrealistic in the big scheme of things, anyway."
"I know you, Obi-Wan," I said. "And I know you wouldn't willfully endanger your own life...or the life of another...without a good reason." I paused to let that sink in, saw his hand unconsciously move to cover his belly. "I just want to know what it is."
"The therapy," he began. "The standing...the meager walking...I can only do them in a certain place at a certain time while being monitored by someone. I just wanted to...prove...to myself that I was capable of doing it alone."
"But if you were not ready for it..." I insisted, unable to forget the sight of him pitching forward into my arms.
"But I *am* ready!" he insisted. Furiously, he blushed as he caught my look of disbelief and sensed my thoughts through our link. "I believed I was ready," he said weakly. "I...I feel ready."
The latter was said so meekly that the last of my anger slipped away. "There was no harm done, this time, Obi-Wan, but I don't want to see a repeat of it." It came out sounding more like I was accusing him than pleading with him.
"It won't happen again," Obi-Wan said contritely. "I promise."
"I didn't mean for it to sound like that," I said gently. "This incident has just...scared me into remembering how very close to death you...and our daughter...were."
Obi-Wan let out his breath in a frustrated *chuff*. "I hate this!" he said, pulling at the covers with clenched fists. "I can't breathe here!"
I looked him over carefully. He had expressed no such concerns before.
"What do you mean, you can't breathe?" I asked him.
"It's too...sterile. There are...too many people around. I cannot feel the living force here like..."
"Like what?" I asked, interested in knowing where his thoughts were going.
He closed up again. "I think I need some time alone," he said quietly. He looked at me for a long time as if considering his next words. "My heart is telling me I must meditate on what the future holds for me. I don't ask this of you only to avoid further discussion. You must believe me. I know we need to talk, but..."
I cupped his cheek with the palm of my hand. "Obi-Wan," I said, looking directly into his eyes. "You never need to apologize for feeling the need to think things through. The Force speaks to us all in its own time, in its own way, and it is never inexcusable to want for time to consult the Force or meditate upon the direction it is taking you."
I heard, as well as felt, him sigh with relief.
"I'm sorry if I ever made you think otherwise, my Obi-Wan," I whispered, placing a soft kiss on his forehead.
"No, never," he said quickly, shaking his head. "It's...it's not you."
He struggled to put his thoughts into words.
"It's as if...as if there is something inside of me telling me I must make a decision about my life *now*...but another part of me is pulling at me to think things through and go slowly." He made another frustrated sound. "It is difficult to know which voice to listen to."
Obi-Wan had always been one to know his own mind, and when he became confused or uncertain as to where the Force was leading him, it made him uncomfortable.
"Perhaps this will help," I told him. Reaching inside my robe I wrapped my hand around the smooth comfort of the object resting in my pocket.
"I thought you might have need of these," I said, pulling the string of pale blue beads out and handing them to Obi-Wan.
"Oh..."
He had not used his meditation beads since our time on Bellaqua. In and out of consciousness as he had been, any meditating he'd done had been under the careful observance of the mind healers.
Obi-Wan held out a hand, taking the beads from me as if there were the most precious jewels in all the galaxy. Slowly he feasted his eyes upon them, as if just a look would cause them to vaporize.
"It seems I should have brought them to you sooner," I said, watching him clutch the necklace against his chest.
He took a shaky breath. "I did not even realize, until this moment, that I missed having them," he said quietly. For several long moments, he breathed deeply in and out, searching for his center, or at least a bit of peace.
Thankfully, the beads calmed him. I had carried them in my robes for several days, along with my own beads, hoping we might share some of the ancient chants and litanies together. And although Obi-Wan would be using them alone, at least he would have their comfort and guidance.
My thoughts were interrupted by a warm hand on my cheek.
"I know," Obi-Wan said wistfully, sensing my thoughts. "I want to be with you...to meditate...and more..."
I felt his mind spark at the idea of doing what we had not done in a very long time. My body echoed his.
"But..." I prompted, bringing him back to the subject at hand.
"...but I must understand what the Force is telling me," he finished.
He held up the blue beads, which he had chosen because they were the color of my eyes; it was the same reason I had been drawn to the green beads that made up my own set.
"While we will meditate apart, I know our hearts will be together," he said, holding the string of beads to his lips and kissing them.
A warm tingle crept over my skin. Why did he have to make our parting so difficult? The sparkle in his eyes said he knew just what affect his words were having.
"Please don't rush yourself," I told him, wanting him to know that while we might be exchanging playful banter, I took his need for time seriously. "I will be here when you are ready to talk."
Heart pounding with a mix of anxiety and desire, I kissed him thoroughly and walked from the room.
/Qui-Gon.../
The voice in my mind started softly, then rose as I failed to respond.
/Qui-Gon...?/
I had allowed myself to fall into a light sleep after my own nightly meditation, and now that it was the middle of the night my body and mind found it hard to focus on the other stimuli.
/Qui-Gon!/
*Obi-Wan!* Coming fully awake, I jumped up from the bed, catching one leg in the sheets and narrowly avoiding crashing to the floor.
/Obi-Wan, I'm coming!/ I called to him with my mind. /Do you need me to summon a healer?/
There was silence over our bond and I thought for a moment he might have passed out again.
/No, / he said sheepishly. /I only wanted to speak to you about.../ he stopped. /It can wait until morning. You were sleeping,/ he said as if he'd only just realized it.
/No, Obi-Wan,/ I told him. /I'm on my way./ Pants and tunic on, I shrugged into my robe.
/No, please...there is no need.../
/Obi-Wan.../ I didn't try to mask my exasperation as I pulled on my boots. /Enough. I'm coming./
His sigh and then his silence were all I heard as I hastily extinguished the candles I'd lit before my meditation and headed out the door.
He sat on the bed stiffly, sleep-brace encasing his back and chest, soft night-cast wrapped around his extended leg. His body radiated exhaustion and he covered a yawn with a smile as I walked in.
"You didn't have to..."
"Obi-Wan! Stop! This is nonsense."
He immediately looked down, like an out-of-line initiate who'd been sent to his quarters to meditate.
/No, Obi-Wan,/ I said into his mind. /I meant no offense. I only meant to say.../ Force! I was handling this badly.
I walked around the bed, and after encouraging Obi-Wan to slide forward, I managed to slide up behind him. With a bit of effort and a small amount of Force manipulation, I soon had him resting between my legs with his head against my chest, my back against the pillows.
Slowly, I stroked his hair, his face. Hands on his shoulders, I sent tendrils of Force-enhanced energy through his body, warming and relaxing tense muscles until he was pliant and sleepy in my arms.
"Ohhhhh..." he groaned. "Thank you. That feels so good..."
"My pleasure, as always, my Obi-Wan," I said, pleased to have him so calm.
"No...it is most certainly *my* pleasure," he replied, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
I felt my body respond to his tone, and quickly clamped down upon my control. *That* was the last thing he needed right now.
/You're wrong,/ he said into my mind. /This is exactly what I need right now./
Before I could protest that he was not well enough yet for such things, he projected an image of just what he would do if he were able. Faster and faster, the liquid images flowed through my mind; one by one my carefully-placed shields dropped until my body cried out its need for satisfaction, with total disregard for the fact that this was not real.
Involuntarily, I moaned, caught up in the fantasy, fervently hoping the healers found no reason to pass by this section of the ward.
~*~
He was sitting in my lap, shoulders tense again, not in pain but in pleasure. His back, free of the cumbersome brace, was stiff and straight, his hands braced at his sides, touching my thighs.
His breath came in gasps as he moved up and down, my cock hard and hot inside him.
"Obi-Wan..." I breathed. "Love..."
My own arms braced next to the pillows, head thrown back, just inches from the headboard, I attempted to maintain my sanity.
"Give in to it, my tenku," he said. "Give in to your feelings. Forcibly, he slowed his movements until he felt my acceptance...and my hand wrapped around his own straining heat.
"Yessssss..." he hissed, increasing the speed with which he took me in. "Do that...do it just like that..."
Unable to fight the sensations coursing through my body, I narrowed my focus to two things: his imminent climax...and my own.
His cock was rock hard in my palm, hot and wet from its own secretions and the perspiration of my eager hand. Sliding it through my fingers, I stroked him to the rhythm set by the raising and lowering of his hips.
"Ohhhhh...please..." he said, as he came down one final time, backside resting against my thighs, causing an explosion that had me coming inside him in great, hot streams.
Quickly, before I was entirely lost, I increased the movements of my hand, squeezing and tugging until I felt him go over the edge as well, spurting and pulsing for what seemed like forever...into my hand, onto his bare chest, out onto the sheets.
"Gods," he panted, leaning heavily against my chest, unwilling just yet to move and release me. "That was so gooood..."
"Indeed," I said, short of breath and unable to say much more.
He turned his head, tipping it irresistibly so that all I needed to do was bend down to take his mouth in mine. For long moments, we kissed, both returning to ourselves, pulses slowing, bodies calming.
"My tenku," he sighed, once again using the Bellaquan term of affection.
"My forever-love," I whispered, echoing his thoughts.
~*~
Once again in real-time, I found my mouth locked on Obi-Wan's, both of us panting like two banthas in heat. Still fully clothed, I felt as if I had just been to climactic ecstasy and back.
Inwardly, I examined my body's responses, finding the sated warmth of sexual release but no physical evidence of it. Obi-Wan's mind and Force-grasp were evidently as strong as before the accident, exceeding his previous control on some levels.
"Qui-Gon..." Obi-Wan said, suddenly breaking the passion-filled kiss. "For...forgive me..."
I blinked in confusion, licking at his lips one more time before he pulled away. "For what, my Obi-Wan?"
"For forcing you to share in...that...when you expressed no need or interest. I'm sorry..."
He turned away from me, chin dropping onto his chest, a picture of melancholy misery. If he'd had the strength to move away, I felt he would have.
"Obi-Wan," I said, reaching around his chest to hold him in a tight embrace. "It was...you were...wonderful," I told him, struggling to put my gratitude into words. "Thank you for sharing your passion with me."
I felt his surprise at my admission.
"Honestly?" he asked in innocent amazement.
"Honestly," I assured him. "And it is I who am sorry for not realizing sooner that being here, in this bed, in this place, in these braces and casts, has been physically as well as mentally confining for you."
I sighed, wishing that hindsight was not so damnably 100%. "I truly did have your best interests at heart, but it would have served me better to have asked what it is that *you* wanted and needed."
I took another breath "And so I will ask now, my Obi-Wan. What DO you want?"
"I want to be well again," he said softly, as if the wish were an unreasonable one. "I want to be somewhere quiet and out of the way, away from the Temple healers and Council, where I can convalesce and continue my therapy. I want to be where we can watch and feel our daughter grow and be born, just the two of us.
"Qui-Gon," he said without hesitation now. "I want to return to Bellaqua."
It took very little to get the healers to agree to Obi-Wan's plan. His life was no longer in danger and the braces would protect his leg and back during the trip. Personally, I thought the physicians were a bit too eager to have him gone. Obi-Wan was not *that* trying of a patient. Stubborn, maybe, and willful. And perhaps a little too opinionated and certain he knew what was best for himself...although many times he did.
Yes, I conceded, perhaps it was better to allow Obi-Wan to heal where he felt most comfortable; it would eliminate a great deal of frustration and wounded pride for everyone involved.
The healers contacted Bellaqua, speaking first with the Honoress and then with several of the midwives, assuring that Obi-Wan's needs would be met. They didn't have Coruscant's technology, but for the healing regime Obi-Wan needed now, they were adequately equipped, and for childbirth there were few planets better in the art.
"Goodbye, my friend." Mace wrapped his arms about me in a large embrace. "May the Force guide you and grant you peace."
"Thank you," I answered him, grateful to have his blessing in this.
I knew he had worried for Obi-Wan nearly as much as I did after the accident, but I had worried about how the Council would take our departure.
"Safe journeys, I wish you," Yoda said, laying his hand over mine. "We know that care for your bonded you will-and return to the Temple and your duties when you are ready. No rush there is. Earned a rest you have. To ask for it was all that was ever necessary."
I felt the warmth of his mind brushing against mine, a silent acceptance of what was to come.
"He is ready, Qui-Gon," Zir Horizon said, emerging from the ship that would take us back to Bellaqua. "And...waiting."
Behind her, Quin's face said that she was understating Obi-Wan's current mood. "Downright impatient," he revised her comment. "And irritable as hell!"
I couldn't help but laugh. "My apologies," I said. "I fear preparing for this trip has taken a lot out of Obi-Wan...much more than he will admit. Thank you for your continued kindness. May the Force be with both of you."
With a nod to the healers and a bow in the direction of Mace and Yoda, I turned and walked up the ramp and onto the ship, eager to let Obi-Wan know we were on our way at last.
We were greeted on Bellaqua as if we had been gone for years, instead of just months. And yet almost nothing had changed. The government continued to run smoothly, Obi-Wan's friends were happy to see him return, and our house was exactly as we had left it.
The scenery was as beautiful as I remembered it, green grass, cerulean skies, crystal clear water. Obi-Wan and I took full advantage of it all: the warm weather, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets, the oceans.
Our days developed certain patterns...mostly set around Obi-Wan's therapy. Every day involved his independent exercises at home, a trip to the clinic for an exam and more therapy with the midwives there, and at least two different exercise regimes in the water.
~*~
He stroked through the water so beautifully, as graceful as the delenus that called the Great Sea home. He had not moved as smoothly upon our immediate return, but to his credit it had not taken him long to gain back much of the motion lost to him in the accident. Day by day, as he left the water after his agility exercises or the endurance laps the midwives now required of him, Obi-Wan stood a bit straighter, limped a bit less.
To me, he had never been anything but steady and graceful, and my vision of the way he had once been was often the focus of Obi-Wan's meditations, the driving force behind the time and effort he put on his rehabilitation. And though he knew with certainty that I would love him regardless of his physical condition, he held on tightly to the memories-both his and my own-using them as inspiration and a reminder that however difficult and painful the exercises and his life were right now, he might one day feel whole again.
go on to part four of Into the Light