I Know . . . Promises

by Ewankenobi (PadawanEwan@aol.com)

Archive: M-A, if ya want it . . . let me know where it is.

Rating: R

Pairing: Q/O

Category: POV, Angst

Warnings: I made myself sad writing this.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please . . . I am an attention whore.

Summary: It is the 10th anniversary of Qui-Gon's death. Obi-Wan tries to meditate on the promises he feels he hasn't kept to him.

Disclaimers: George owns Obi-Wan. I own my imagination.

Notes: This is an answer to a question Master Rose asked me. The POV is only Obi-Wan's.

I said there were 2 more. I found another one. Here is the list in the order they should be read in:

I Know . . . Before the end
I Know . . . Promises*
I Know
I Know . . . Last Dance
I Know . . . Together Forever

*This piece is a bit different than the style than the other ficlets. This is my way of letting Obi-Wan vent his anger.

PS. Thanks for a wonderful beta Master.

I know I promised to go on . . . I can't with half my soul gone.

I know I promised to care for my Padawan . . . my heart went with you.

I know I promised to be a Knight . . . I feel like I'm a fake.

I know I promised to control my anger . . . I killed the Sith in rage.

I know what today is. Ten years. You have been gone ten years today. I am sitting here trying to meditate like the good fucking Jedi people think I am. All these promises I made you. What about me? You wanted me to go on. Why? I am alone. You made me promise to train Anakin. The boy you dropped me for, in front of the Council. I have tried, but he is difficult. He wants too much. I have nothing left to give. I am empty. I was Knighted. Isn't that a fucking joke? I was angry when I killed that Sith. Promises, fucking huge, too much for me, promises. Well, fuck all of it. Fuck you, Qui-Gon! The Council, my Padawan, the Force. I have lost the one thing I treasured the most, before I was ready. Oh hell, that's it. I would never have been ready. What am I doing? All these promises are somehow meaningless, compared to the one I have always kept.

I know I promised to love you until the end of time.

I will keep that promise, always.