Category: Angst, angst and more angst. PWP, Point of View (Obi-
Wan), maybe Fetish/Kink
Warning: Necrophilia, and we're not talking blue ghosts here.
However, it's not deliberately nasty.
Note: This story came to me, as many do, in a dream. I saw the
scene, I dreamed phrases, I woke up and wrote it. I would love
to hear your thoughts, because I don't even know where I
stand on this topic.
Summary: Obi-Wan's grief transforms into a radical action.
You weren't supposed to die.
That's all I can think, over and over as I sit here beside you,
just watching you. I've been sitting here forever, or so it
seems, for the days of laughter and calm never existed, they
resemble a distant dream I once had. Things are so different
now and I can feel the change within my own blood. It is agony.
I could almost imagine you were asleep were it not for the
gaping hole in your chest, a chest that does not rise and fall
as it used to when I would sit and watch. The darkest nights on
planets, or the most beautiful of mornings, and I would watch
you. You drew my eyes inevitably, just as you do now. My eyes
refuse to leave you.
You weren't supposed to die.
My eyes trace up and down your form, you are lying so still and
I sit so quietly at your side, resting on knees which are quite
numb by now but I do not care, I can think of nothing but
sitting beside you for the rest of my life. It wasn't supposed
to happen like this and I cannot imagine how I am going to go
on.
The room is large, almost cavernous, and silent as a tomb. A
tomb. I almost laugh aloud at the thought because that is what
this place is, they brought your body here after they
determined that nothing could be done for you. Now we await the
arrival of the Council.
We. It's not 'we' anymore, is it, Master? It's me. I. Alone.
And I am supposed to prepare you for the cremation that is to
follow.
Cremation. I shudder at the thought. How can I let them burn
you, Master? How can I stand by while flames eat away at the
form I love more than anything else in the universe? You
weren't supposed to die. We weren't finished yet.
All the promises you made me - they're broken now. All of them.
You promised me so much, Master, and I looked forward to the
future but now it's fucking over and there's nothing either of
us can do about it.
No reaction to my language, Master? Aren't you shocked to hear
such a word come from your padawan's mouth? Answer me, dammit!
But you don't, you just lie there and I close my eyes, not
being able to bear the sight of your empty face a moment
longer. A face I know better than my own. Eyes forever closed,
expression forever serene, and lips I will never taste.
You promised me, Master, that we could be together only once I
had passed the Trials. You promised. It's not right that this,
the one thing we had for ourselves rather than the Jedi,
was stolen from us.
I wonder, if I kissed you, would you wake up?
I glance around, feeling a touch apprehensive, but I know that
no one will disturb me. The ever humble Padawan keeping vigil
beside his Master's body, alone in his grief. Grief, what a
soulless word that is, and it barely even begins to comprehend
what I am feeling now or what this emotion will drive me to do.
It is no desecration, it is a goodbye kiss...or so I tell
myself this but I cannot help hoping that my lips infused with
yours will generate a spark of life. Because life still has to
be within you, Master, I refuse to believe it is gone.
I lean over you and move slowly down until our mouths touch.
It's gentle at first, and then I increase the pressure,
fighting the deadening knowledge that your lips are so cold and
warming you with my self. Wake up, Master, wake up.
Did you hear me? Your jaw moved, ever so slightly, and I flick
my tongue into your mouth, feeling, imagining, a thrilling
moistness and I believe more than ever that this is
right. Oh Master, why did we wait so long?
As the kiss grows more ardent, more frantic, I reposition
myself so that I can lie alongside you but it's not enough, you
need my warmth, and soon I am on top of you, covering your long
body as best I can as we continue to kiss. I am memorising your
sweet taste and every part of your mouth.
It is not enough. My hands wander inside your cloak and begin
to trace up and down your arms, arms that held me as you died,
or was it the other way around? It does not matter. I am
learning your body anew and suddenly I am compelled to push
aside the cloak and find your heartbeat.
I must break the kiss, and as I do, I wish that I had not
because there is a hole in your chest and I don't want
to see it, it does not exist, it cannot exist because you are
just sleeping, Master, and I am here to wake you up. I reach
inside your tunics, the first touch of your chest sending a
thrill through me. How long was this touch forbidden? How long
did I want it?
The soft hair, the muscles, your nipples, even your scars,
Master, these things were stamped as mine a long time ago, from
the first moment I saw you with new eyes. I move down to taste
everything, trying to infuse my strength into you, and it is
not enough.
Qui-Gon, you are mine and is it not my right to know you in the
most intimate way possible? I push aside every distant part of
my mind that is telling me to stop, because this is the only
chance I will ever have. We should have done this days, months,
years ago together but now it is up to me, alone, it is my
duty....
I reach into your leggings, it seems you are hard for me, my
beautiful Master. My fingers explore, cradle, stroke, learning
your secrets, and then, carefully avoiding any sight of that
hole, I bring my mouth to your groin and I taste. Although it
is a tight squeeze, you fit inside my mouth and it could be
heaven, my senses are overwhelmed with the scent, the feel of
you, my Master, my beloved, if I can give you enough
pleasure then surely you will wake up?
Dark energies swirl through me and I feel powerful. You weren't
supposed to die and perhaps I can rectify that small error.
My own body is responding to this, it has been for quite some
time, and I grasp your hand, bringing it to my neck, only to be
horrified as it limply falls away. Master, touch me, please?
I crawl my way back up your body, you look wantonly resplendent
laid out against your cloak, in a state of half-dress and you
are mine, Master, I love you beyond comprehension. Again
I find your mouth and kiss you over and over, taking comfort in
this first, last contact, feeling the heat rise within me yet
it is still not enough and I realise that we must join.
You can't do it for me, so I reach down with one hand to free
my own throbbing organ while the other hand gently traces the
features of your face. Are you ready, my love? I wanted our
first time to be slow, to be special, but time is short.
Leaning back, I lift your legs up around me, pretending that
they close and after the necessary adjustments of clothing I
push into you. It's tight and difficult and I do not wish you
to bleed but this must be done, Master, don't you understand?
And now we are joined and I move and I feel you moving beneath
me, surely you are crying out in pleasure which mingles with my
own frantic breaths. Why do I feel pain?
Wake up, Master, wake up! I place my arms around you, gathering
your limp torso close and I try to kiss your lips but you don't
quite bend that way and your head lolls back, your eyes still
closed. I close my own eyes to the sight and instead kiss your
neck, sucking on the taste that is mine, marking you and then I
come, my seed now within you.
We are bound together, Qui-Gon. Oh why won't you open your
eyes? I collapse onto your chest, feeling almost dead myself,
and my arms are cradling you, gently stroking up and down,
until the fingers skim to the edge of that awful hole and fall
inside....
Master, come back to me! I pull away, sit up, scream, then
desperately kiss your lips. It can't be our last kiss even
though I know it is, I feel the approach of others as surely as
I feel the approach of doom. I straighten our clothing,
desperately communicating with my mind along our bond which
pulsates with emptiness at your end. Master, where are you?
Can't you hear me? You can't leave me alone like this, you
can't, I love you I need you I want you beside me today and for
the rest of my life...Master!
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