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ARCHIVE: M_A, SWA-L

PAIRING: TPM Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan

CATEGORIES: First-time, humour

RATING: R

NOTES: Many thanks to Trudy, Layna, Jadyn and Jennifer for the encouragement; and especially to Emu and above all Eshva, for the deflating comments which pinpointed the problems and gave the solutions. Think how bad it would have been without them.

DISCLAIMER: George Lucas owns these lads, and would disapprove greatly of the uses I put them to, I'm sure. But they're just so tempting...

SPOILERS: None.

WARNINGS: None.

FEEDBACK: All welcomed, as negative or positive as you care for, to: gloriana@virginqueen.com

SUMMARY: The imbibing of various beverages leads to certain results...

"Wha'chu mean, you've never..."

"Never. Jus'... haven't. Tha's all."

Obi-Wan looked blearily up. And up, since Qui-Gon was still standing. "Well. Don'chu...think you should?"

Qui-Gon showed a vague interest. "When. Now?"

"Ye...yeah. Now."

"With you?"

"Yes. With me." Obi-Wan's enunciation showed improvement, although it hadn't yet been put to the challenge of polysyllabic words.

"Oh." Qui-Gon pondered a moment, swaying gently on his feet. "Alright. With you."

Obi-Wan held out a cup of tea. "There. Are you happier now you know nothing happened?"

Qui-Gon sat up in the bed, gathering the sheets primly around his waist before taking the cup. "I admit it was... disconcerting to find myself in your bedroom this morning, Padawan," he said.

"In my bed, you mean," Obi-Wan said, planting himself on the blanket at Qui-Gon's feet and tucking his ankles under his thighs. Qui-Gon drew his knees hurriedly up to make room, then found himself grappling with slipping sheets and a slopping teacup.

Obi-Wan watched while Qui-Gon tugged awkwardly at the sheets. "Being naked must have been even more disconcerting," he said, before sipping his own coffee.

"You still had clothes on," Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan merely arched a brow, until Qui-Gon averted his gaze to the pitch-like depths of his teacup. "Speaking of clothes, Padawan," he cleared his throat, "are mine around somewhere?"

Obi-Wan made a cursory glance round the room. "I suppose they're on the sofa," he said unhelpfully. "You stripped off out there, didn't you?"

Qui-Gon blushed.

"Honestly, Master!" Obi-Wan clicked his tongue against his teeth. "I have see you naked before."

"Yes, of course you have, but..." Qui-Gon petered out under Obi-Wan's knowing look, and he went back to contemplating the contents of his cup.

"Drink that, instead of just looking at it," Obi-Wan directed. Obediently Qui-Gon took a taste of the molten tar Obi-Wan considered acceptable tea.

"I put in a hangover cure," Obi-Wan said, as Qui-Gon struggled not to spit it back out again. "Finish it. You'll appreciate it afterwards."

Qui-Gon screwed up his face and bolted the whole thing down. "Now a litre of water," Obi-Wan said, exchanging the cup in Qui-Gon's hand for a tumbler from the tray. Qui-Gon drank that with more grace.

"Better?"

"Yes, thank you," Qui-Gon said, handing the tumbler back. "I think I might even get up and dressed."

"Alright," Obi-Wan said, not moving from his seat at the foot of the bed.

Qui-Gon waited a moment. "Would you mind..."

"Yes?"

Qui-Gon sighed. "Nothing," he said, settling back against the headboard.

"I thought you were getting up," Obi-Wan said.

"No, no. I'll just sit here for a few minutes."

"Alright." Obi-Wan leisurely sipped his coffee. Qui-Gon sat watching him.

"Ah, that's good." He put his empty mug down on the tray by the bed. "So, Qui-Gon, why exactly have you never had sex with a man?"

"Padawan!"

Obi-Wan gave him a quizzical look. "Are you really that embarrassed discussing sex with me?"

"Only because I got drunk enough last night to jump into my padawan's bed," Qui-Gon retorted. "It was hardly the most responsible thing to do."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "We were both fairly blasted. And it's not as if you were about to debauch a virgin. In fact," he said, giving Qui-Gon a challenging look, "if anyone's going to be accused of debauching drunken virgins, it should be me."

Qui-Gon blushed again. "I'm hardly a virgin."

"But you've never had any sex with a man at all?"

"No," Qui-Gon admitted.

"I don't just mean penetration," Obi-Wan said impatiently. "What about fellatio?" Qui-Gon shook his head. "Mutual masturbation?" Another shake. "Kissing?"

Qui-Gon's face lit up. "Does that kiss I gave you on your birthday count?" he asked.

"You mean the one on my forehead?"

"I suppose not," Qui-Gon said, deflating.

Obi-Wan gave a long sigh. "I knew you were mainly heterosexual, but that's ridiculous, Master. I mean, you're fifty! Haven't you experimented at all?"

Qui-Gon hung his head.

"But you've had lots of sex with women," Obi-Wan continued his interrogation.

"Of course I have."

"So you've at least sodomised someone. It isn't all that different with a man - "

Obi-Wan paused at Qui-Gon's expression. "You have had anal sex, Master. Haven't you?" he asked slowly.

"Well, actually, I've nev..." Qui-Gon stopped in the face of Obi-Wan's growing amazement.

"No anal sex? Ever?"

"I'm sorry, Padawan," Qui-Gon said. "Nobody ever asked me to."

Obi-Wan closed his mouth, which had begun to gape open. "On your own," he said flatly. "You must have played with your own arsehole. Dildoes. Beads. Fingers. Something."

"I just didn't think of it when I was younger," Qui-Gon said helplessly. "And later I'd gotten into other habits..."

"Well, that shows a lack of initiative I wouldn't have expected of you, Qui-Gon Jinn," Obi-Wan said with asperity.

Qui-Gon shrugged.

"Is it so very different?" he asked diffidently, after they had sat in silence for another moment.

"What? Having sex with a man, or having anal intercourse?"

"Both. Either."

"Men..." Obi-Wan paused. "It does feel different when your partner's bigger or stronger than you."

"More threatening?" Qui-Gon asked.

Obi-Wan grinned. "More challenging. I like to top a big man. Show him who's in charge." He gave another smile as Qui-Gon went bright red and shrank down in the bed.

"I've seen you with women who were stronger than you," Qui-Gon said, rallying despite his embarrassment.

"Accepted. But it's not only that," Obi-Wan said. "The textures are different. Men are rough in places where women are smooth. Body hair," he explained. "I like the feeling of a beard between my thighs." Qui-Gon's hand brushed absently across his own chin, testing the scratchiness of it.

"And I like a big cock there, too," Obi-Wan said wickedly, then laughed out loud as Qui-Gon instinctively moved to cover his lap.

"Padawan, you are teasing," Qui-Gon protested.

"You rise so easily."

"It is...unusual, getting sex education from one's own apprentice."

"Well, if you have left it so late to find out about these things..." Obi-Wan pointed out.

"Granted," Qui-Gon said with a rueful air. He took a deep breath. "What about anal sex?"

Obi-Wan pursed his lips, thinking. "A vagina is softer, more welcoming. But the feeling of pushing into someone's arse...I love it," he confessed.

Qui-Gon nodded in encouragement.

"It's tighter, of course," Obi-Wan went on. "But more intimate, too - more vulnerable. Still," he said briskly, "you can have that with a woman. If you ever get around to trying it."

"So what can't I have with a woman?" Qui-Gon asked curiously.

"Having a penis in you, of course," Obi-Wan said. He smiled at Qui-Gon. "Dildoes are nice, but they're not the same as a hot, firm cock."

"I see." Qui-Gon twiddled his hands in his lap.

"You should think about it," Obi-Wan said. His hand hovered over Qui-Gon's foot, a sheet-swathed bump in the bed, then fell back.

"I am," Qui-Gon said, his voice throaty, and then he looked up into Obi-Wan's eyes.

Suddenly Obi-Wan couldn't breathe.

"I think I'd like to try. Having a cock in me, I mean," Qui-Gon said, gripping the sheet tight in one big hand.

"What? Now?" Obi-Wan's eyes grew bright. "With me?"

"Yes." Qui-Gon swallowed.

Obi-Wan launched himself forward to take Qui-Gon's mouth in a fierce kiss.

"Oh, good," he said hungrily.

Five nights later, Qui-Gon was having sex with another woman. He had brought her home from a Senate dinner, and closed his bedroom door in his padawan's face.

"Who was she?" Obi-Wan asked the next morning, over breakfast.

"Baedi Maras. An industrialist with the Klee foundation," Qui-Gon said, pouring hot water into the teapot, and then over it to keep the clay warm. The scent of jasmine wafted across the table.

"Not even a Jedi," Obi-Wan muttered.

"I'm sorry, Padawan, what was that?" Qui-Gon asked in a mild tone. He filled his tiny cup with the fragrant tea.

"That was the third woman this week, Master," Obi-Wan said. He tapped his spoon sharply against his coffee mug. "You seem to be making a habit of it."

Qui-Gon sat back and considered him. "And if I do? Do you see that as a concern of yours?"

There was a pause.

"No, Master."

"Well then."

Obi-Wan watched Qui-Gon take the traditional three sips to empty the teacup, then looked down at his own mug. The coffee in it was bitter and black. He pushed it away in disgust.

"Don't you want it?" Qui-Gon asked him.

"I made it too strong," Obi-Wan replied.

"A shame." Qui-Gon gestured at his teapot. "Have some of mine, if you'd prefer."

"No, thank you, Master," Obi-Wan said, standing up and pushing his chair back into place. "If you'll excuse me, I must be off. I'll see you this evening."

"I'm afraid not," Qui-Gon said lightly, pouring himself another cup. "I'm out for dinner tonight. No need to wait up for me."

Obi-Wan's hands tightened on the top of his chair. "Don't you think you're overdoing it?"

"What do you mean, Obi-Wan?"

"This reassertion of your heterosexuality. One experiment in male sex isn't going to alter you for life."

Qui-Gon quirked one brow. "I am merely putting your excellent lesson into practice. It's amazing how many women are actually very enthusiastic about anal sex, when offered the choice."

Obi-Wan bit his lip hard. "Thank you for that insight, Master."

Qui-Gon graciously inclined his head. "No, Obi-Wan. Thank you."

"You know, Padawan, I'm not sure you didn't have a point."

Obi-Wan looked up from his datapoint. "Umm?"

"The other morning, when you said that having sex once with a man was hardly going to alter me irrevocably."

"Umm." Obi-Wan turned back to the screen.

"So I wondered if you would care to repeat the experiment."

Obi-Wan's back straightened. "No, thank you, Master," he said, keeping his eyes on the numbers flashing past in front of him.

"Ah well." Qui-Gon sighed and stretched, then got to his feet, leaving his book closed on the couch. "In that case, Padawan, I think I'll go out for the evening." His cloak flew into his outstretched hand. "Don't work too late."

The door swung shut behind him.

Obi-Wan hit the desk with his fist, so hard that the datascreen toppled on its face.

"You have the gossip mills churning, Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan said, carefully measuring another quarter spoon of tea leaf into the warmed pot. He put the water jug to boil again.

"How so?" Qui-Gon asked.

"It's been what? Three months since you started sleeping with men - "

"Having sex with men," Qui-Gon interrupted. "Don't mince words, Padawan."

"Yes, Master. So, three months since you started having sex with men. First you go through half the Temple - an impressive achievement, given how infrequently we've been home. Then you suddenly take up celibacy. I can't walk down the corridor without someone pouncing on me for an explanation."

"Nobody has ever shown that much interest in my sex life before," Qui-Gon said, filling the cafitiere.

"Is that my water you're stealing?" Obi-Wan said, peering over Qui-Gon's shoulder and then back at the jug he had left to reheat.

"You've got to boil the whole thing again, anyway," Qui-Gon said unrepentantly. "Surely you don't begrudge your old master a little hot water?"

Obi-Wan snorted and refilled the jug.

"Besides," Qui-Gon continued, carrying the steaming cafitiere over to the table and sitting down, "to say I've been through half the Temple is an exaggeration."

"You got round to Salleem," Obi-Wan said. "I didn't think he bottomed for anyone."

"He doesn't," Qui-Gon said.

"Ah." Obi-Wan turned away to pour the water, which had finally come back to the boil.

Qui-Gon waited until they were both seated with full cups in front of them before elaborating. "I find I quite like switching. Don't you, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan choked on a mouthful of tea.

"Isn't it to your taste?" Qui-Gon asked when Obi-Wan had recovered. "That oolong blend is quite mild, surely."

"Sorry, it just went down the wrong way," Obi-Wan said. "How's the coffee? Strong enough?"

Qui-Gon sipped at the black brew. "It will do," he said gamely.

"This thing needs sugar," Obi-Wan said, eyeing his own cup. "I'll never acquire a taste for it straight."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "Sugar will overwhelm it, Padawan."

"I'm willing to take the risk," Obi-Wan said, reaching for the bowl. "But you still haven't explained. If you were enjoying sex with men so much, why have you stopped?"

Qui-Gon looked down at the mug cradled between his hands. His mouth gave a wry twist. "Perhaps I've developed too strong a preference for this new taste." He downed the coffee in one swift swallow, and shuddered. "Moderation in all things, Padawan. I'll leave you to tidy up, if I may."

Obi-Wan watched him leave the kitchen, then poured a little of the coffee for himself. It was too strong, even for him. "Moderation, indeed," he muttered. Thoughtfully he cleared away the remnants of their dessert, and followed Qui-Gon into the living area. Qui-Gon was sitting in his usual armchair, staring out the window; in the dim light of the room, his eyes had taken on the grey of the sky outside.

"Nobody...hurt you, did they, Master?" Obi-Wan asked carefully, coming to kneel by Qui-Gon's chair.

Qui-Gon huffed out a puff of breath. "I found myself wanting something I couldn't have, and lost my appetite for the rest. It's no great tragedy."

"I didn't mean to put you in the path of harm," Obi-Wan said earnestly. He leant his head on the arm of Qui-Gon's chair.

Qui-Gon's hand strayed to Obi-Wan's hair. "My own fault, Obi-Wan, no-one else's. And I don't miss the embraces of strangers. But the urges haven't all died down..." His thumb rubbed the bare skin at the back of Obi-Wan's neck.

"I feel quite randy myself," Obi-Wan said, not looking up at his master. "Perhaps you might consider putting aside your...particular tastes. At least for this evening."

Qui-Gon's fingernail flicked Obi-Wan's earlobe with a little sting. "I thought you'd decided against that. With me, at any rate."

Obi-Wan winced, but didn't move away from the small punishment. "I didn't care to be added to a string of random encounters, that's all. I'm rather particular too, you know."

"Ah. I hadn't realised it might seem like that. My apologies, Padawan."

"That's alright," Obi-Wan said.

They both sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes longer.

"So." Qui-Gon cleared his throat. "You'd like to..."

"Yes. If you're happy to.."

"Yes."

"With me, I mean." Obi-Wan fixed his eyes on the top of Qui-Gon's knee.

"Yes. If tonight is alright by you, of course."

"Now?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice a note or two higher than its normal timbre. "Unless you have something you'd prefer to do first..."

"Now would be fine," Qui-Gon said; but neither of them actually moved.

After another moment, Qui-Gon said, "I don't know your preferences, Padawan..."

Obi-Wan looked up, puzzled enough to meet Qui-Gon's gaze.

"Whether you'd like to top or bottom. Because if you aren't fussed either way..." Qui-Gon cleared his throat again. "I'd prefer to top."

Obi-Wan gave him one long look out of wide eyes, and then was on his feet, grabbing Qui-Gon's hand. "Now. My room."

"My bed's bigger," Qui-Gon protested as Obi-Wan pulled him up.

"Mine's closer," Obi-Wan said flatly, hauling Qui-Gon's body against his own. Their mouths met.

"Yours. Now."

"So much for that," Obi-Wan said, when he could speak again.

"You came before I did," Qui-Gon wheezed in protest. He rolled over onto his back. "And don't say you're too young to control yourself. Three minutes must be a speed record, even in padawan circles."

"That was nearer two," Obi-Wan said, plucking at the wet stain across his leggings. "Ugh. You could at least have undressed me first."

"If you hadn't been busy rubbing yourself off on me, I would have."

"What do you expect when you say you're going to top me?" Obi-Wan said crossly. "Self control? I've only been waiting for that for two whole years. You could have held off until you got your cock in, at least."

"I was trying," Qui-Gon said, "but a man's only - "

Suddenly he stopped and rolled back over, his body heavy on Obi-Wan's again. "Two years, Padawan?" he said gently, wrapping one hand around Obi-Wan's and bringing it up to his lips.

Obi-Wan gulped. "Give or take."

"For me to put my cock in you?" He licked the hollow in the centre of Obi-Wan's sticky palm, his tongue pushing insistently but his eyes never leaving Obi-Wan's face. "For me to fuck you?" he whispered. "For me to push into your arse until you open up and let me all the way in?"

Obi-Wan trembled. "All that," he said. His erection was already firming again, under the pressure of Qui-Gon's weight on his groin, and the caress of Qui-Gon's words in his ears.

"All that? With me?"

"With you," Obi-Wan said bravely. "I'm very particular, remember?"

Qui-Gon gave a long, slow smile. "So am I, my Padawan." He nudged his own hardening cock between Obi-Wan's thighs, then pushed a hand down, opening up the catches on the damp cloth which was the only barrier between them. "So I'm going to fuck you until you scream. Now, I think. And then..."

"Now?" Obi-Wan interrupted, seized by the most important fact.

"Now."

"And then?"

"Then you can do the same with me."

"With you?" Obi-Wan repeated mindlessly, spreading his thighs wider.

"With me."

"Oh, good," Obi-Wan said. And then he didn't say anything else coherent for quite some time.

ooOO Finis OOoo