Lucifer: Windows in your Walls

by Glimmer Girl (jediglim@aol.com)

Rating: R
Pariring: Obi-Wan/Xanatos
Category: Hurt/Comfort, A/U, non-Q/O, Drama? (ok, I'm not sure what it is)
Archive: M_A, OKEB, TBC, XaniEB; anywhere else, sure, just send me an email; my page (http://glimfics.homestead.com/index.html)
Feedback: yes, please! on- or off-list, even by owl ...
Spoilers: maybe, for TPM
Warnings: *SLASH*, another installment in the 'Lucifer' a/u, so if a redeemed Xani isn't your thing, look elsewhere!
Summary: A trip to the lower levels of Coruscant and an explanation about the importance of fenestration
Disclaimer: All SW characters belong to George Lucas, with the exception of Xanatos, who belongs to Jude Watson and Dave Wolverton. Cheers!
Special note of thanks: to my wonderful and speedy beta reader, Melissa!

This fic is dedicated to a certain Michael Kovacs, both because one of his songs provided the title for this piece and because he is ever in my thoughts.

The world was all before them, where to choose
Thir place of rest, and Providence thir guide:
They hand in hand with wondering steps and slow,
Through Eden took thir solitarie way.

                  ~John Milton, Paradise Lost XII.646-650

As the lift descended lower into the bowels of the city-planet, a single occupant stood in the corner leaning against the wall, one gloved fingertip tapping the durasteel. Waiting for the stomach lurching that accompanied the stop after a hundred-level drop made him almost nervous, but the anxiety was part of the anticipation, not of the anticipated moment itself. Concentrating on the light slap of leather on durasteel, he was acutely aware that anxious, nervous, and afraid were about the opposite of the image he presented. Clad in smooth, cool black from his trim tunics to the steel-tipped boots he wore, the tall, slender man was an invitation to danger for anyone who crossed his path. Even without the blaster strapped to his thigh or the vibroblade inserted in the column of his left boot, he was dangerous. Sinuous, graceful, beautiful and deadly, with little effort his appearance engendered fear and dread. That thought, which coincided with the knee-bracing jar of the lift, turned his stomach.

A thousand seductive shadows flitted across his eyes, lips and ears, sliding in and out of the darkest places in his soul. Much could be gained here in the half-lit corridors, the empty retreats. The drug trade would provide anyone daring enough to seek it a veritable empire. Money, products, slaves, power, influence, authority - what a dominion one like him could amass. The whispers encouraged him, told him how he deserved the adoration, how he knew the benefit of evil, how he could uncover the secrets of the dark. Seductive, indeed.

"Like a cheap whore, a filthy slut who offers ten minutes of pleasure and a lifetime of disease."

The words hissed out of his mouth, sending the shadows skittering away. Peeping around the corners of his consciousness they tittered as he walked through the dank corridors. The fools who ran the underground network of gambling, pimping, illegal substances, even bounty hunters, all would fall at his feet. He stepped sideways, forcing himself between two islands of living complexes, back flat against one building. Closing his eyes, he quietly lifted the blaster gun, stretched his arm and aimed out of the alley. Quickly and efficiently he centered and opened his mind, squeezed the trigger; the red stun blast flashed from the gun as a blue light twinkled in his mind, behind his eyes. The wretched shades keened at the flash of light, both inside and outside his mind. Illumination filled his inner self, the soft warmth of the light chasing the shadows away. Letting his breath out in a controlled sigh, he slid down the alleyway, stopping at the motionless body of his tracker.

"Fall at my feet, yes, they still do. But it is they who stumble in the darkness." One last moment to absorb the light, he casually pushed a few strands of silky black hair back and whispered a thank you to the light and to the love who sent that light.

With a rapid and confident stride he sought a certain set of rooms, a seemingly innocent hovel, the residence perhaps of some down and out gambler. If his trace had been correct, however, the denizen ought to turn out to be someone rather different -- a black market spice trader, able to cut a good profit. Correction, a wonderfully great profit, for the glitterstim factory was on a planet outside of the Republic and exportation was under no regulation. But the request to join the Republic was under negotiation, a process that was being slowed down interminably by someone who wanted the profit to continue uninterrupted. Messy business; as it turned out, a senator, suspected of getting his hands in the drug trade, had ensured that enough disturbance was created both in the Senate and on the planet to prevent the Jedi there from maintaining successful negotiations. Yet, proof was needed, proof that could only be found in this quasi-underworld.

Palming open the door to the small flat was easy enough; he was able to crack the security code after examining the device for a few seconds, a standard locking and security system. The front room of the cramped quarters was dark and hot, the smell of cheap perfume and dinner filling the air. Softly treading on the carpeted floor, he avoided the few chairs and table in the room and headed for the doorway at the back. A sliver of pale light seeped out from the edges of the curtained doorframe. He could hear the panicked, although shallow, breathing of the youth behind the curtain. The boy was alone and expecting him.

"Jakkaros, 'tis only I. Unfriendly as I seem, I shall not hurt you." Sweeping the curtain back and then letting it fall in place, Xanatos entered the room and stood across from the youth. Pimped out by the spice trader to a senator, the boy most likely expected the same treatment from his master's other customers. But Xanatos only wanted information from the boy, information Jakkaros could easily access as his master thought him to be akin to 'talking furniture'. So, posing as Jareth Kalos Xanatos set up negotiations with the master and a few nights with the boy.

"Yes sir, of course, sir." Lowering his eyes, Jakkaros stretched his body across the bed, his body clad only in loose trousers. A deep breath shuddered from his chest as he braced his body and heart, passivity fighting to overcome emotion. His eyelids flickered as a gloved finger traced a line from his collarbone to his ribcage.

"The man, the one who comes to you, the one who is a senator, you were able to access the data about him for me? You only need nod yes or no, Jakkaros." A tiny tendril of the Force accompanied the question and light touch. When the boy nodded, Xanatos removed the glove and laid his hand on the smooth stomach. Rubbing in a way to relax and not arouse, he massaged the trembling figure.

"And tell me, were you able to destroy the cyber-trail, as I instructed you?" The hand was still, splayed across the boy's chest. When a slight nod answered his question, the Force pressure eased.

"Give me the data chip. You will not find yourself in any danger, Jakkaros." Slipping the data-chip into an inner pocket, Xanatos sat pensively for a moment. In a heartbeat he could change everything, give in to the shadows, permit them to surround him with darkness. He carried enough bribe money to get himself a place in the spice business, enough information to bribe the senator with and build a small fortune, and enough power to make those nervous blue eyes beneath him his, his alone. A shaft of light, familiar, illuminated his soul. Cursing softly he shook his head, stood up and pressed a credit-chip in the boy's hand, curling soft, sweaty fingers around the palm.

"Can you get out of here in a few days? Yes? Go to the Jedi Temple. Tell them you knew Qui-Gon Jinn." Leaning forward, he kissed the boy's forehead and did his best to radiate trustworthiness. Sending a light sleep suggestion to the boy's mind, he slipped out the door and back into the dark maze.

"Force help me, but I beg of thee, forgive me Master, there was more of your light in there than mine. And forgive me too, my beloved, when that poor boy shows up at our door."

Taking an indirect and wandering path, Jareth Kalos found his way through and out of the labyrinth. Pulling the tie from his hair and letting the dark curtain fall over his shoulders and face, Xanatos entered the Jedi Temple just before dawn.

The shadows were quiet now, only skirting the tiniest, darkest corners of his mind. With their gibbering and squeaking now hushed, he walked easy, the seemingly ramrod posture relaxed as his boot heels clicked softly on the floor. He encountered nobody in the short walk, nobody to stare at him and look for the lost padawan of nearly twenty years ago. Approaching the quarters he shared with Obi-Wan he stood before the door, extending his senses before palming it open. Anakin, still sleeping calmly; Obi-Wan, half-awake and restless.

The low light of the common room, illumination from a holocron and one small window, imparted a sleepy silence, broken by the thud of a blaster gun on a low table. The muted chink of a vibroblade followed, as Xanatos deposited his weapons and pulled off his boots. Throwing his belt and gun holster on the floor by the boots, he ran his hands through his hair and sucked in his breath. He could smell the wretchedness of the lower levels on his own skin, in his hair. Opening his eyes and peeling off his gloves, he regarded his own hands. Extending one thin, pale finger he reached out into the dimness of dawn, wondering how could it be that in the same moment the shadows could touch, but remain so untouchable?

Intense, his gaze lingered as the hand lowered and turned palm upward. First at the palm, then the light above his hand, finally at the shaft of light that fell across the open palm, Xanatos stared. With a sense of resignation, he closed his fingers and began to walk toward the 'fresher, via the bedchamber.

Quickly he undressed and placed his clothing in a neat pile on the floor of the bedchamber. With careful steps he approached the bed, well knowing that Obi-Wan slept not. Leaning forward until his lips ghosted the other man's face, he pressed a kiss to each eyelid and chased away the drowsiness. Roused to complete wakefulness Obi-Wan leaned on one elbow while fingering the jawline of his lover.

"Xan, gods, you are back late." Obi-Wan muttered, voice husky from hours of quiet. His eyes, bleary from lack of sleep, followed Xanatos as the man walked away from him. Dark hair flowed over neck and shoulders, the slim line of his spine traced a delicate path to the firm buttocks; with his weight balanced on one hip he stopped and turned, throwing a backwards glance at Obi-Wan.

"I know I did not wake thee, my love. If you would but sleep, Obi-Wan, it would not seem so bad, it would only seem a few moments." A flash of sapphire pierced the gray light of early morning and Xanatos disappeared into the 'fresher.

"Worth waiting for, Xani." Fumbling with the bedsheets, he pushed himself out of bed and stretched, working out the dull ache that resulted from staying awake nearly all night. The sound of cascading water motivated Obi-Wan as the image of the warm shower sliding down the white shoulders and back of his lover filled his mind.

"Love me, Xanatos." Sliding his hands up the smooth back, Obi-Wan rested his cheek against the back of Xanatos head. The hot water rained on raven black and copper gold hair, as wispy clouds licked the cool ivory and warm honey skin of the two men. Xanatos turned around, cupped both hands around Obi-Wan's face and looked through the mist into the gray-blue of his lover's eyes.

"They haunt me, shadow lovers, dark, seductive whispers. A pair of eyes, beautiful in their guilty innocence, oh Obi-Wan, I was tempted." The light in his eyes flashed as his voice wavered and cracked on the final word. The sob that rose up in his throat he choked back as warm lips closed over his. The faint moan escaped, as his breath puffed from his nostrils.

In the falling water Obi-Wan held the kiss, offering an absolution. Encouraging his lover to come closer, he led Xanatos' hands to his waist. A brush of lips against his cheek after the first, intense kiss was broken came as acceptance for his offer.

Sweeping lips over the stubble on Obi-Wan's face Xanatos kissed his way over to the corner of the jawbone. Lingering for a few moments pressed the tip of his tongue against the skin, tiny licks until he reached the earlobe. Pushing his tongue in the hollow behind the lobe, he sucked the stream of warm water that sluiced down, his breath tickling the curve of Obi-Wan's ear. Arms entwined about his neck, hands grasped at his hair, as he lowered his head and caressed the juncture of neck and shoulder with kisses wet and slow.

Blood and water pounding in his ears, Obi-Wan forced Xanatos' face closer to him, the press of lips and nose into his skin. Disentangling hands and arms from his lover, Obi-Wan slithered his fingertips down until the rested on Xan's hips. Stroking the muscled flesh he slid his hands around to touch the lovely buttocks he had recently admired. A pulse of desire rose from his groin and he grasped the firmness under his palms in hunger.

Wet sucking noises accompanied the removal of Xan's mouth from his neck, a red mark remaining. Running the back of his hand over the brand on Obi-Wan's skin, Xanatos walked his lover to the back of stall. The slick tile at his back and the smooth skin of his lover at his chest caused Obi-Wan to brace his knees. Soon enough the tingle of fingernails on his chest made him shiver and scrabble for control.

One short nail followed the imaginary line in the middle of his sternum, from the base of his neck down to his fully erect penis. Running the edge of his finger up the underside of his love's erection, Xanatos traced the line back up and then swirled a pattern around Obi-Wan's nipples. Hair plastered to his neck and shoulders he bent forward and lovingly kissed each nipple. Two gentle kisses on the left then right one. Finally, lips and tongue pressed to the wet skin, he took up the path down the middle once more.

The light gold hair on Obi-Wan's chest and tummy glistened, fit covering for the skin worshipped by hard, closed mouth kisses. Coming to the tip of the penis, Xan stopped and sighed. Rubbing his cheek against the harness he looked up to gaze at Obi-Wan. Water ran in clear paths over his chin length copper hair, over his closed eyes, down the end of his nose and over his arms and chest. Droplets shone in the curls at his groin. Kissing the hardness of the erection before him Xanatos waited for Obi-Wan's eyes to open. A series of light kisses until he reached the head, where he wrapped tongue and lips, sucking gently. At the flutter eyelashes his removed his mouth and cocked an eyebrow in question. When Obi-Wan shook his head and moaned, Xan placed his hands on his lover's hips and carefully turned the man around.

Water trickled down the center of Obi-Wan's back and the cleft of his buttocks. Reaching up and laying a hand on Obi-Wan's left hip, Xanatos placed his mouth at the base of the spine, feeling the water slip around his nose and lips. The hot exhalation of breath caused Obi-Wan to drop one hand and start to stroke himself. Kissing and licking the same spot, Xan inched his hand around until it joined his lover's and took over the ministrations. Preparing Obi-Wan for loving with his tongue, Xanatos closed his eyes and opened his mind. The same light that sent the shadows scuttling away pulsed brighter and stronger. Not Obi-Wan's light, not his Master's light, but his own light, his own strength.

Rising and kissing the neck and shoulder of his bondmate, Xanatos slowly entered into Obi-Wan. Balancing with one hand on the 'fresher wall, he brought Obi-Wan to a quivering state of arousal as his own desire circulated from his heart to groin to limbs to heart again. Skin to skin, the water all around them, the arousal built until every muscle and sinew was taut with incipient release. After Obi-Wan thrust against him and spilled a hot stream of seed into his hand, Xanatos came with a force that pushed him deeper into his lover. Chest crashing against Obi-Wan's back as Obi-Wan leaned into the 'fresher wall, the two half-standing, half supported by the wall panted out the pleasure of climax.

Squirming around in Xanatos' arms, Obi-Wan faced the older man. Happily kissing the man, he initiated a long, loving embrace. After a tight squeeze he moved away, brushed the long hair out of Xan's eyes and sighed when his fingers got tangled in the long silky mass.

"Mmmm, so good, loose limbed Aphrodite? Oh, how I love thee, Obi-Wan." A final kiss was grabbed from his lover's hot, wet lips. Finally deciding to shower, Xanatos carefully soaped and rinsed Obi-Wan's hair and body. Quickly cleansing himself he shut off the water and stepped from the steamy shower cubicle. A towel wrapped around his slim hips he stood before the counter as Obi-Wan took up his own towel. Pink from the hot water, Xanatos skin was delicious and clean as Obi-Wan's lips flitted across the shoulder closest to him. Reaching out and rubbing a circle in the fog on the mirror, Obi-Wan gazed at the reflection of the two faces in the glass. Loosely encircling Xan's waist with one hand, he looked into the sapphire eyes and spoke in a low voice.

"Not tempted, not proven. But proven, and proven by the Light. The Light may cast shadows, but only so you can see them and resist." Probing deeper with his own eyes, Obi-Wan tightened the embrace and spoke harshly.

"I am your lover. Our light will not allow you to be taken from me." Averting his gaze to the reflected image, now streaked with condensation, he grew quiet.

"Lover, no one else but you, and yet sometimes, even in the Light I struggle. But it illuminates me always, now I can see that." Yawning deeply and hugging Obi-Wan, he took a step back. Drying off and scrubbing a towel through his hair he then did the same for Obi-Wan.

Lazily stretched out on the bed, sunlight lancing over his bare skin, Xanatos watched as Obi-Wan dressed for the day. Eyelids drooped sleepily, opening only when a weight settled on the bed and a sheet was drawn over his body. Petting the soft red-gold hair, Xanatos fingered the strands that tumbled over Obi-Wan's face and caught the sunbeams.

"I just wish it would grow. It tickles my nose." To demonstrate Obi-Wan scrunched up his nose and shook the hair off his face with exasperation.

"Do katas with me tonight? And fix the data console while I'm gone, I can't figure out how to reprogram it after what you did to the message system." Insistently patting the Xan's leg, hard enough to make him pay attention, he ensured his order was heard. Having kissed the lips and forehead of his drowsy lover he rose from the bed.

"It is simple, really, Obi-Wan." Xanatos mumbled, ignoring the smirk as Obi-Wan's retreated from the bedroom. "Have a good day, impatient boy."

"Good day, right. I love you." Obi-Wan whispered, knowing that Xanatos easily fell asleep, even with the muffled clatter of dishes and repeated requests for Anakin to please get up echoing in his mind.

The midday sun shone clear and bright, obliterating the constant artificial light of Coruscant's upper levels. Basking in the glow of daylight for a few minutes before opening his eyes Xanatos lay on the bed. After a full body stretch and content growl, he rose and pulled on a pair of leggings. The air taxis and shuttles that swarmed past the window provided entertainment for his vacant stare as Xanatos ran a brush through his hair. Unbound, it fell past his shoulders, nearly to the middle of his back, except for the shorter strands that framed or hid his face, depending on the observer. Pulling it all back into a loose tail, he observed the gold and silver glinting shuttles. So far up in the atmosphere they glide, so far from the creeping, dull denizens of the darker levels.

The data chip of last night came to his mind, which he immediately retrieved from the pile of black clothing on the floor. Meticulously making the bed and putting his clothes in the laundry bin, he left the bedchamber. Coffeine serving as first meal, Xanatos headed for the data console in the study and prepared a confidential report for the Council. Sending the files over what he believed a simple, private messaging system he made sure only he and his recipient had the information. Clearing all record of his action from the system he closed off the message system. He'd explain it to Obi-Wan again later. Keying in a few codes, he attempted to access some new and clearly well hidden information. Cursing softly as denial messages flashed before him, he heard the door slide open and short, quick steps behind him. In a few minutes a glass of juice was placed at his hand and soft breath puffed against his shoulder.

"Does Obi-Wan know you use his data console to hack into the Senate mainframe?" Anakin poked his arm and pointed to the view screen.

"Not in the technical sense, no. Nor do I believe he'll figure it out on his own if he can't even read his messages. Would you like some lunch? And are you not back early?" Xanatos glared at the flashing green message on the screen one last time before he ended his attempt for the day. Turning around he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder and drank the juice Anakin had brought.

"Food would be great. Yeah, guess I'm early, Master forgot I had examinations today and all, so he didn't plan anything for me, and I finished up fast with the test. Can I have the fizzy citron stuff to drink, Xan?" Plaintively smiling, Anakin tried to wheedle his way into getting the sugar sweet beverage with his lunch. Placing a tray of cheese, bread and vegetables on the table, Xan turned back to the cooling unit and pulled out the bottle of yellow liquid.

"One on condition, you may drink one glass." Sternly eyeing the young boy, he held the glass before Anakin.

"Sure, what?"

"Teach Obi-Wan to read the messages and downloads again, please." Setting the glass down, Xan smiled at the low groan from the padawan. The two ate with little conversation, Xanatos asking Anakin what sort of lessons he had or what projects he was working on that afternoon. After the meal was finished Anakin scrutinized the man who sat across from him, who read Qui-Gon's old books during the day, but went out with a collection of weapons at night.

"What's it like, Xan? Coming back here and stuff, after ... you know." Anakin knew the question was odd, and maybe unwelcome. Suddenly regretting his courage, the boy ducked his head and concentrated on the sticky mess his glass made on the table.

Rising and walking over to the blond youth, Xan took a deep breath. He could still hear the admonishments of the Council, how he ought to not even talk to the boy, much less live with his master as a lover. Steeling himself he pondered and bit his lip. Well, tested and proven, he thought. Leading Anakin to the couch, he sat down and thought for a few minutes.

"I used to feel like I lived in a dark, dark room. I stood in the center, surrounded by numberless shadows, sometimes they whisper and coax me, and sometimes they would shriek and howl. I couldn't see them, and I was scared. So, I would let them tell me what to do, I thought I could learn to see in the dark that way. But I would always end up more scared, more angry. Darkness, shadows and those four walls, a prison of hatred and near insanity born of fear." Jaw set and voice tight with the memories, Xanatos looked at the wide-eyed boy sitting next to him. Force, he thought, was I that young when I let the walls close in on me? Rubbing his chin, he resolved not to see this boy follow his path, if only to make penance to his master.

"Now, Anakin, now it is like having windows in your walls. Light and life spills in, I can see what I fear and face it. I can see beyond those four walls and I don't have to stay huddled in the dark, hoping the shadows will retreat to the farthest corners and leave me alone. Obi-Wan told me that shadows exist in the Light, and he was right. But I would rather see those shadows and fight them than yield to the Dark. With windows in your walls, the room doesn't seem so bad."

~FINIS~