AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the sequel to "The Pulse of the Force",
and is essentially a novel in that Alternate Reality. Please
read the Foreword below.
SPOILERS: Yes, for TPM and the JA Books, and the Tales of the
Jedi graphic novels
References: SW Visual Dictionary, Tales of the Jedi graphic
novels, the SW Essential Guide to Planets and Moons
ARCHIVE: Master/Apprentice only
DISCLAIMER: Characters portrayed within belong to George Lucas
and LucasFilm. No copyright infringement is intended. No money
going anywhere! Any other characters belong to ME.
Categories: Q/O, Drama
TIME: Several days after "The Pulse of the Force"
RATING: NC-17 for the sex parts and suggestiveness in places
WARNING: There is some light bondage and dominance/submission
in places, completely consensual - NO discipline.
SUMMARY (entire novel): To counter growing powers from the Dark
Side of the Force, the Light Side of the Force begins to
intervene, working first with three Jedi: Master Qui-Gon Jinn,
Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Padawan Anakin Skywalker.
SUMMARY, Part 1: A Knight from Qui-Gon's past returns; Anakin
struggles with his adjustment to becoming a Jedi; the Force
begins to intervene in very unexpected ways.
E-MAIL/FEEDBACK: peacewind@home.com / czarina_m@hotmail.com
(Positive feedback welcomed and appreciated!)
WARNING: There is some light bondage and dominance/submission
in places, completely consensual - NO discipline.
Author's Foreword:
I'd like to comment on what I am trying to achieve in "The
Will of the Force". First of all, I'm using, for the purposes
of my AU, a premise that everything that happens in SW Episodes
II-VI flows along what Yoda and others term the "Dark Path". In
"The Pulse of the Force", the first installment of this series,
the "Dark Path" was prevented from occurring when Qui-Gon Jinn
heeded Obi-Wan's vision and hence was not killed by Darth Maul
on Naboo. Because he did not have that untimely death, the
course of reality was altered dramatically, and although there
was still potential for trouble, Qui-Gon's continued existence
in the real world (as opposed to being one in the Force)would
prevent 1) Anakin from becoming Darth Vader and 2) the Jedi
Purge at the behest of Palpatine (and I won't say whether he
becomes Emperor or not at this point!).
That's what really makes this an AU, because reality in the SW
universe changed due to the continued involvement of one man.
That doesn't mean bad things aren't going to happen or can't
happen. As this story begins, the Sith is still out there,
there's a troubled little boy named Anakin who has a long way
to go, and the Force itself is starting to intervene - largely
due to Qui-Gon - in ways it never has before.
This isn't an Anakin story, though you will see lots of the
boy... this story is far, far more about the power of love
between two people (oh, can you guess who??). You're not going
to see a LOT of sex in this, though the relationship between
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan is a constant and important factor all
through this.
Another thing I'm hoping to show is how different the Jedi are
from, well, most people. They train their whole lives in mental
and physical disciplines, and I want to show that. When
something unexpected or bad happens, the Jedi aren't going to
likely whine about it, but immediately work their psyche around
acceptance or a solution. Qui-Gon, in the course of the story,
is asked to do something extremely difficult, but he accepts it
immediately because 1) he knows where the request has come from
and 2) he knows that it is something he can live with (though
the rest of us will be saying "no way!". He's a JEDI. He's
devoted his life to the principles he believes in and isn't
about to waver from that devotion just because something
unpleasant might happen to him personally. I'm not saying he's
perfect; he'd still balk at something with deeper emotional
risk attached to it. Obi-Wan, being that he's only newly a
Knight, won't have the ready acceptance of things that his
master will have, but he'll come to it sooner than most.
I'm also attempting to make a case for the Light Side of the
Force here, as it doesn't seem to be thought of as a definitive
influence like the Dark Side is. The Jedi's are always told,
"don't turn to the Dark Side", but how much are they encouraged
to cleave to the Light Side? It doesn't make sense for the
Force to be... whatever and the Dark Side. That "whatever" is
goodness, justice, compassion, freedom, honesty, etc., all the
qualities of the Good, all that the Jedi Order adheres to,
while the Dark Side - aka greed, anger, lust (I don't mean
desire, I mean obsessive, one-sided lust here), hatred, fear -
fall on the side of Evil. Okay, I concede that the Force may
not be canonically or exactly synonymous with Good/Evil, but
I'm working as if it is for the purposes of this AU. I'm the
author, it works for me. <g>
Don't worry, I do not want to set Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan (or even
Anakin) up as saints! Champions for the Light, perhaps, but
still human. The next long story after this one, "The Dichotomy
of the Force" is going to show that even more as tensions
escalate in the Temple/Republic.
One more note on the story before a personal one - this is a
warning - there are elements of BDSM in this, but before you
run away, I'd like to qualify that... what you see is
completely CONSENSUAL and is viewed as another expression of
love between the two participants. There is no spanking or
"discipline" here, only some bondage and dominance/submission.
And it's the submissive who asks for it!!! I hope you can find
in it the beauty I intended to reveal there... those of you who
are "players" will know what I mean.
By the way, if there's anyone here from Forever Knight fandom,
yeah, it's me, the Original Dark Knightie. I bet it looks like
I switched sides, eh? Well, I may be a Cousin (follower of
Lacroix)and a DK (wants Nick Knight to stay a vampire), but
that's in that fandom. (waving at fellow UFer elfin while I'm
at it!) I'm for vampires who choose to be vampires accepting
their natures. I'm also a rabid Kindred fan heavily involved in
a Kindred-based AU RP/fiction writing group. That same Kindred
AU involves characters from The Sentinel as well (and FK)who
definitely are not "Dark-Siders". Nor are the majority of the
Kindred. They're just Kindred who are mostly interested in
getting along with most everyone (and being a slash universe, I
mean REALLY getting along with! <weg>) So I like to play
both sides of the fence, although by and large I like turning
the bad people into good ones.
That boy is NOT going to turn!!!! <G>
(Get me going on the concept of the Good Dark sometime!)
Part One: The Window
By the end of his first week at the Jedi Temple, Anakin
Skywalker realized that he had been terribly wrong about the
Jedi... and wanted to become one all the more. Well, not
everything that he had believed was wrong - indeed they got to
travel all over the galaxy and fight gloriously for freedom and
peace, to defend the defenseless... but that was a pale shell
of their true depth, and he'd only just begun to see the very
surface of that.
Several things had come together to help the youngster come to
this conclusion. Already impressed with the dedication and
discipline shown to him by the Jedi he knew best - Master
Qui-Gon Jinn and Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi - Anakin was further
astounded and delighted when the two Jedi Knights had finally
professed their love for one another. The boy, though wise in
the ways of the rough life on an Outer Rim planet, Tatooine,
had truly never seen adult love of this sort - the love of true
soulmates. Moreover, the Jedi at the Temple, even the other
pupils in his classes, demonstrated a serenity that still awed
him. He was painfully aware that they'd worked their entire
lives to achieve it. Anakin... had built a protocol droid and a
pod racer. Somehow that didn't match up... here.
And he'd noted within his first couple days that students who
demonstrated overbearing pride, overt anger, even jealousy were
removed for counseling by the Masters... and he'd heard that
many of those did not return to class but were sent away. Those
were not the ways of the Jedi. Anakin, proud of his natural
talents and gifts, soon learned not to boast of them.
Podracing... in particular... was not mentioned. Though Qui-Gon
said he had Jedi reflexes, it was not going to get him anywhere
at all to remind anyone else of that fact. He would have to let
his actions... and his own serenity... speak for themselves. If
he could.
This morning he reported to Jedi Knight Philino for t'che
exercises with the other students. Already he had memorized the
intricate steps in the ancient dance, but he waited patiently
while others his own age were given individual instructions
when they failed. It was a morning ritual all the Jedi
practiced, said to be a method, with their meditations, to open
themselves more fully to the Force.
Anakin had purposely chosen to stand on the far side of the
group today, hoping to get a glimpse of his Masters, who were
today going to join the usual adult group who performed the
exercise together in the adjacent practice hall, separated only
by glass. The adults had the mental discipline, it was said, to
ignore the less fluid interpretations of the children while the
pupils would benefit from the example of their elders. To Ani's
delight, both Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi took positions on
the side of practice hall nearest him. He hadn't yet gotten an
opportunity to see them either work out or exercise together.
"Children," Knight Philino was calling to them, "today we will
watch first, then go through the exercise." He waved them
together to sit on the floor before the glass. Anakin felt
himself jostled by others trying to get the best seats, but he
told himself not to react. It wasn't like he wasn't going to be
able to watch the adults another time. Sandwiched between two
six-year-olds, Anakin sat cross-legged facing the glass, his
hands folded in his lap.
When he looked up, he saw Qui-Gon Jinn's eyes briefly meet his
from the other side of the glass, then flick away. Was his
Master watching him? [He just checked to see where you were,]
he told himself, noting how Qui-Gon composed himself beside his
former padawan, their eyes closing. Unlike the student
exercises, the adults would use no cadence or music, relying
solely on the Force for their rhythm.
The Masters and Knights present, about fifty in number and
mostly humanoid, assumed the opening stance, which they would
hold for about a minute as they mentally prepared themselves
for the exercise. The minute seemed like five to Anakin, who
spent the time studying the faces of his two Masters in
particular,
Master Qui-Gon's face was relaxed, calm... and when Anakin
glanced over to Obi-Wan Kenobi, he was astounded to see the
identical expression, as if everything in the universe was
centered in that room and everything was at total harmony...
and they in total harmony with everything else. For a moment,
Anakin thought he could even feel the Force as it must be,
flowing strong and free among the Knights, but particularly
these two... and from one to the other.
It was still too soon for Anakin Skywalker to form a bond yet
with his new Masters. They'd told him how it must be - that a
mental window must open between Master and Padawan so that the
Master can continually monitor his apprentice's progress and
guide him. Because of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's bond, which had
become even stronger since becoming lovers, both were going to
have to form a bond with Anakin as one Master, one Mind. That a
Master and a Padawan remain closely bonded after the latter
attained Knighthood wasn't unusual at all... but it was unusual
that both together take on a Padawan. Possibly some of the
higher minds in the Jedi Council would have to be consulted.
[I want that with them,] Anakin thought fervently,
concentrating on opening himself to this experience as his
Masters had instructed him, to allow the Force to teach him its
ways.
Then the t'che exercise was beginning as if all had heard some
internal starting signal. The exercise, of which thousands of
planets had some version, was of the ancient Jedi form - very
long and intricate... and beautiful. Anakin had eyes only for
his Masters at first, admiring their grace and elegant
movements until he noticed something that startled him. To be
sure, he glanced at the others, then looked back. Qui-Gon and
Obi-Wan's movements, expert, slow, and fluid... were identical
as if one body was moving. Despite the huge difference in their
heights, Master and Knight moved as one, so united in the Force
were they.
[Their eyes are still closed... how can they know?] Anakin
wondered, staring. Then he shivered as if the Force had touched
him, as if it was trying to tell him something. [I need to
learn more, so much more... will I have the patience? I've got
so much to make up.] He sighed and settled in to merely watch.
When the elders finished the t'che, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan
Kenobi slowly opened their eyes, both looking immediately to
their student on the other side of the glass, who watched them
with awe open on his young face. Together they gave him a
little smile, then moved, bowing to the others as they went to
retrieve their robes.
Anakin, sobered by what he'd witnessed, moved into position as
Knight Philino directed the students to prepare for their own
t'che exercise. [I won't look to see if they're watching me,]
he told himself, focusing on the instructor's words and the
slow, recorded drum cadence that the students would use to
guide them.
Then, it began. Concentrating, Anakin stared straight ahead
and performed the t'che, his prodigious mind giving him the
steps he'd memorized. Someday he would be a Knight and his body
would know them, the mind clean and flowing with the Force. [I
must practice, focus,] he told himself.
Two pairs of eyes indeed were on the boy, watching with great
interest... and soon joined by another. A hand fell onto the
shoulder of Master Jinn. "He needs the bond," a voice murmured.
Qui-Gon nodded, pensive. It was Master Eeth Koth, of the Jedi
Council. "You will assist us?" Beside him, Obi-Wan turned his
head, listening. This particular Jedi Master was of a close
species - ironically - as the Sith defeated on Naboo. Koth's
humanoid head was adorned with vestigial horns as an Iridonian
Zabrak, a species known for their mental discipline. But
neither Jedi gave that any thought. The Dark Side could claim
anyone of any species.
"I have special knowledge in this," Koth murmured, nodding. "I
will assist. Tonight I will come to your chambers." He nodded
gravely to both of them. "I have seen a shifting in the Force
around the boy. Yoda has as well."
"Oh?" Obi-Wan asked, exchanging a glance with his partner.
"He's doing well already, we know that," he added calmly.
"It happened between Anakin's first visit here," Qui-Gon
explained, nodding thoughtfully, "and our return to Coruscant
from Naboo. We noticed it, too." He watched the boy's movements
through the glass, noting with relief that the child ignored
his audience. "He has lost much fear of the future. And he has
accepted the separation from his mother."
"There is more," Koth said gravely. "Something happened at
Naboo to alter the direction of the future. Until then, I
believe the child was set upon a path which would have wrought
a terrible wrong in the galaxy. There is still potential for
trouble, but the greatest danger is gone. Few agree with me,
but I have seen this."
[Still potential for trouble...] The Knights wondered what
Master Koth meant by that. "What do you advise, Master?"
Obi-Wan asked the Council member.
Koth faced them, drawing them away from the glass. "Too full
of ambition, too easily angered, this one is. He must become
nothing. Only then will he have a chance to become Jedi. He
will suffer from the weight of his potential otherwise.
Fortunately, he is becoming aware that his gifts will not make
him Jedi. You both will show him what he will not want to see.
That is why your bond is so critical, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan. Your
example is critical." Then the stern expression softened. "Your
love is critical. Never let that waver."
"Believe me," Obi-Wan smiled, "We will not."
"We value your insights, Master Koth," Qui-Gon added, bowing.
"We look forward to your assistance this evening." Then he
turned as if to lead Obi-Wan away, but the Council member did
not move.
"Not just this evening," Koth said smoothly in a suddenly firm
tone. "This is no ordinary boy. I have been appointed by the
Council to monitor his... progress. You need an outsider,
Qui-Gon. You are too close to him even without the bond, and of
course too close to your former padawan."
What Koth didn't say... but both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan felt...
was that the Council still did not trust Qui-Gon Jinn. It was
widely agreed that the new Jedi Knight would help keep the
maverick Jedi Master from straying too far from the Code with
the boy, but... it wasn't enough. What Koth and Yoda had seen
of what might have been was warning enough that harm could
still come from training Anakin Skywalker to be a Jedi.
Obi-Wan put his hand to his former master's back in
reassurance. "We thank the Council for its wisdom, Master
Koth," he murmured when he realized Qui-Gon was stunned
speechless.
Master Koth nodded to the Knight, but then looked hard at the
very tall Jedi Master. "We have also determined that the being
you battled and killed on Naboo was a Sith apprentice. That
means there is a Sith Master out there, the deadliest danger to
our galaxy in centuries. That the Sith have returned and made
themselves known to us just when this child has appeared in our
midst... is this a coincidence, Qui-Gon Jinn?"
Qui-Gon shook his head. "I do not know." But he and Obi-Wan
both knew the answer. There were no coincidences in the Force.
Koth nodded. "We must use the greatest care with the prodigy.
Or we may all suffer for it." Then with a sweep of his robe he
strode away.
"Master?" Obi-Wan murmured, still rubbing the other's back,
hoping to shake him out of his mood. Qui-Gon was prone to
brooding, he knew all too well, a mark of one who perhaps cares
too much. He both loved Qui-Gon for his caring heart as well as
found it exasperating when trouble so often followed the
caring. "Come, it's time for our workout. It will do you
good..."
"QUI-GON JINN!" boomed a voice from far down the hallway - a
very strange sound indeed in the normally hushed Jedi Temple.
Master and Knight turned to see who had called. A Knight
approached them, a man with thinning blond hair and a wide grin
- and he was rushing to greet the tall Jedi Master. Obi-Wan,
nonplussed, stood aside as the man fairly threw himself into
Qui-Gon's arms.
"Qui-Gon! I was hoping to find you here!"
Obi-Wan glanced at his lover's face, then was amazed to see
the flutter of emotions flicker through the usually serene
countenance. First astonishment, then concern, then finally...
joy. "Jez!" Qui-Gon exclaimed, allowing the quick hug, then
holding the other off to look at him. "Jezrael, what are you
doing here?"
"Looking for you, of course," the man replied, his eyes fairly
shining with warmth as he gazed up at the tall Master. He was
taller than Obi-Wan, but still about four inches shorter than
Qui-Gon. And apparently close to the Master's age, in his early
fifties. "And now that I'm back, I hope to stay. That is, if
you'll have me."
Qui-Gon's mind was spinning with the suddenness of this
encounter. "Ah, it's good to see you, Jez," he heard himself
saying, the other's words not yet registering. He was also
abruptly aware that they were in the middle of a rather public
hallway, that Obi-Wan was standing to the side, his eyes intent
on him... and that his own heart was beating rather fast. He
was also confused by the fact that he'd had no warning that the
newcomer was in the Temple... and belatedly he realized the
reason.
The man was Force-blind. That piece of information alone was
enough to give him a bad shock, and Qui-Gon rather forgot
completely where he was or who else he was with. "Jez, what
happened to you?" he said quickly, peering into his eyes.
As the Knight realized that Qui-Gon could discern his
condition, his expression shifted to one of sorrow. "Not here,"
he said sharply, and grabbing Qui-Gon's sleeve, directed him
down a side hallway.
Obi-Wan remained where he was. He closed his eyes briefly,
centering, though it worried him when, a moment ago, Qui-Gon
had shut him out of his mind, his shields slamming down...
inadvertently? [Not to worry,] he told himself, calming easily.
[An old friend of his, probably, someone possibly in
trouble...] For the hundredth time, he wished Qui-Gon would
open up about his past a lot more. [I know nothing of his own
apprenticeship with Yoda, nor even of his first apprentice,
Solek. Just way more than I want to know about Xanatos...]
When he was composed, he continued on to the practice hall. If
Qui-Gon was not available to spar with, he was sure he could
find someone else to join him for a workout. Indeed, within
minutes, he was engaged in lightsaber practice with an older
Knight he and Qui-Gon had worked with before on a couple
missions. And for the time, he was able to put the strange
encounter out of his mind.
Qui-Gon was already sorry the encounter had happened, finding
himself unusually confused. Once alone with Jezrael in an
isolated hallway, the Knight had pulled him down into a
passionate kiss that left him gasping. A flood of
long-forgotten memories returned, and something made him return
the kiss with equal ardor.
He'd loved Jezrael Rima deeply once, when he was a new Knight,
before he'd taken on his first padawan. Qui-Gon had been a few
years younger than Obi-Wan was now, coming early into his
Knighthood, and then, as in his youth, he had rather more
passion than serenity. The relationship had been glorious for
three long years, then Qui-Gon had been asked to take on his
first student. He'd felt within himself the call to teaching,
but Jezrael wanted him all to himself and refused to accept
that Qui-Gon could want anyone else in his life besides him. He
nearly left the Order because of it, then suddenly had declared
that he wanted to work in the Outer Rim. Qui-Gon had never seen
him again, and had soon forgotten their former fervor in his
responsibilities as a teacher. There had been plenty of other
loves, though none so deep, brief and sweet, then the
unfortunate infatuation with Xanatos that had nearly been his
undoing. Only now had he allowed himself to be truly loved
again, a love that he knew was permanent and deeper than
anything he'd ever had before... even with Jezrael Rima.
Qui-Gon pulled his mouth away. "Jez, this can't be. Please,
just tell me how you came to be Force-blind..."
The deep blue eyes of the other still smoldered with passion.
"Don't deny what your body is telling you it wants," Jezrael
murmured, breathing hard. "I never stopped loving you, Qui. I
had to let you teach for a while, but I also had to come back
someday."
The Jedi Master was recovering himself, allowing his internal
disciplines to kick in. He held the Knight away from him. "Then
you're going to be terribly disappointed in me. I'm still
teaching, in fact I've just taken on a new Padawan. Jez, what
we had was so very long ago - over 25 years."
"Are you saying you stopped loving me?" Jezrael, his hands on
Qui-Gon's forearms, gazed into his eyes as if willing the
answer.
"Why are you Force-blind?"
The Knight wrenched away from him. "A brain injury I sustained
out near Poothradin. You can heal me, Qui. You have always had
the touch of the healer. I can't trust anyone else."
Qui-Gon shook his head and folded his arms in his sleeves,
searching for his center again. He was going to need it. "This
is the Jedi Temple, Jez. There are many Healers here."
"They aren't you." Jezrael hugged his arms to himself,
despondent.
"I am NOT a Healer," Qui-Gon tried to reason with him. "I am
not trained to reverse Force-blindness. I could hurt you worse
than you already are."
"Never, you could never hurt me." Jezrael reached out and laid
a hand on his arm. "You've taught long enough. It's time to lay
that aside and let me love you again."
The Jedi Master closed his eyes, looking within. To his
dismay, he discovered that somehow he had managed to shut
Obi-Wan out of his mind. "Too much time has passed. I have my
responsibilities. Jez, please go see the Healers. Excuse me..."
With a stately swirl of his dark brown robe, Qui-Gon strode
away from the first person he'd ever truly given his heart to.
Breathing heavily, Obi-Wan shut off his lightsaber and bowed
to his opponent, then caught a towel when it was thrown to him.
They'd just finished three practice forms in a row, then a
free-form combat practice, a strenuous workout indeed. "I liked
that behind the back maneuver, Ris-Del," he commented to the
other with a grin as he wiped his face. Together they walked
out of the practice room, heading for the refreshers. "You
know, it's too easy to think an opponent will always be facing
you. The Force certainly doesn't have any front and back."
"Always something new to learn, isn't there, Obi-Wan?" the
other Knight replied, grinning back. "Teach that one to your
old man."
Obi-Wan laughed in surprise. "My WHAT?"
"Qui-Gon Jinn is a lot older than you are," Ris-Del pointed
out, chuckling. "He could more than be your father."
"Like I care," Obi-Wan easily countered, shrugging. "Age
matters not."
Ris-Del rolled his eyes at him. "It does in bed. At least it
does eventually."
"You're full of draigon piss, Ris," Obi-Wan shot back,
snapping his towel at him. "Besides, Qui-Gon Jinn would whip
your skinny ass and you know it." Laughing as the other danced
away from him, he went into the 'fresher. He knew Ris-Del Foran
was just teasing. Jedi truly did not concern themselves with
size or age, or many other differences between people. In fact,
there were several species who excelled in Jedi physical
training beyond human limitations.
A short while later, Obi-Wan was walking toward the common
dining area, intent on snagging a piece of fruit on his way to
the library. He got a sensation abruptly that he was being
followed, but he continued on. Just as he selected a maniduli
peach and turned, he was confronted by the same man that had
accosted his master in the hallway earlier. Mildly, he looked
up. "Good day, Knight... um, I don't believe I've ever met you.
I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"Jezrael Rima," the blond man murmured, bowing when the other
Knight did. "I saw you earlier with Qui-Gon Jinn."
"Yes, we had attended the t'che together," Obi-Wan replied
neutrally. He didn't know who this man was to his master, but
he intended fully to remain centered and keep an open mind...
as well as stay alert.
"You were his padawan," Rima said suddenly, gazing at him
intently.
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, I was trained by Master Jinn. I just
passed my trials a few days ago."
The man smiled tightly. "Congratulations, Knight. And he is
taking on another padawan already? Isn't that... unusual?"
Obi-Wan met Rima's look intently. Within he reached out to his
master's mind... and while it was no longer closed to him, it
wasn't very open, either. Qui-Gon was attempting to meditate,
he could discern. Without much luck. What had this man said to
him to disturb his ability to meditate?
"Thank you," he said with another little bow. "Yes, he is
taking on another padawan." He chose not to reveal who that
was, nor whether he thought it was unusual.
"Master Jinn is very experienced," Rima went on, his glance
sliding away as if to check to see if they were being observed.
"Shouldn't he have been appointed to the Council by now?"
That stung the young Knight, for he knew well that indeed his
master should be on the Council. "I wouldn't know," he
answered, then countered with a question of his own. "You seem
to know Master Jinn rather well, why don't you ask him?" He'd
been careful to keep irritation and curiosity out of his voice.
He'd sat too long beside Qui-Gon in countless negotiations to
forget the valuable lessons of voice modulation.
"Qui-Gon is an old... dear friend of mine," Rima murmured. "He
often does not see things that are right in front of him." He
sighed heavily, then looked down at Obi-Wan again. "Who is his
new Padawan?"
The direct question left the new Knight hunting for a reply.
He did not like this "old, dear friend", and was wary of
telling him too much. "I think you should be talking to Master
Jinn himself, Rima," he said gently, bowing again to show he
intended to continue on his way. "Excuse me..."
The other Knight took hold of his arm suddenly and spun him
back toward him. "Wait, does Qui-Gon have any lovers?"
[The Force must be testing me,] Obi-Wan told himself, biting
back the retort that suddenly pushed forward. He glanced
pointedly at the hand on his arm, and it dropped. [Center,
center...] His temper fully reined in, Obi-Wan bowed yet again.
"With all due respect, Knight Rima, Master Jinn has
never spoken to me of you and I have never heard of you."
"I've been out on the Outer Rim," Rima interrupted,
exasperated.
"Indeed. Nevertheless, I am uncomfortable with your questions.
I suggest you ask Master Yoda, who trained Master Jinn."
Obi-Wan touched the part of his master within himself, hoping
to keep control though his internal alarms were getting louder
the longer he talked to this man. [Serenity...]
"I know who trained Qui-Gon!" Rima snarled suddenly.
"You should see Master Yoda about your oversuspicious
nature, Knight!"
Obi-Wan felt an answering anger surge within him; hastily he
tamped it down. His tendency to anger was all too easy to set
off, he knew painfully well, and it was the greatest cause for
grief to him. "Good day, Knight Rima," he muttered, needing to
get out of there. He turned and hastened away, even as the man
shouted some Outer Rim obscenity at his back.
In the "library" - which did not house fragile tomes of
literature but banks of reader terminals - Obi-Wan took a
cubicle farthest from the door and sat down, holding his head
in his hands for a moment to steady himself. He was trembling
with pent-up anger from his confrontation. But he'd been seated
only a moment when he felt the familiar touch in his mind.
[Beloved, you are upset,] Qui-Gon inquired, deeply concerned.
[As were you... I know you couldn't meditate,] Obi-Wan
replied, already relaxing just from the needed contact with his
lover though the intimate touch made him tingle wonderfully.
[Are you all right? And who is Jezrael Rima? He was asking me
some strange questions about you.]
He felt a sharpening of tension from the other, and for a
moment thought Qui-Gon was going to close his mind shields
against him again. There was no answer... but no thoughts on
the matter to be read, either. It was as if Qui-Gon had made
his mind go suddenly still, empty. [Master?]
[What... questions, Padawan?] Despite the change in their
status toward one another, they preferred using the old titles,
which had now become endearing names... although Obi-Wan had
found he very much wanted to maintain some of that inequality
between them. He defined himself now as Qui-Gon Jinn's student
and servant, as well as lover.
Obi-Wan felt a resurgence of exasperation that he couldn't
keep from his mind. [Sorry, love - he was asking why you were
taking on a padawan, why you weren't on the Council...] He
couldn't hold back the brief stab of pain, knowing too well how
the Council looked at the maverick Qui-Gon Jinn. [Who your new
padawan was... and if you had any lovers.]
Again... stillness. [Don't keep this from me,] Obi-Wan thought
privately, remembering too late that he would be heard.
Qui-Gon didn't comment if he had heard the thought. [What...
did you tell him?]
[Nothing. I did not answer any of his questions. He accused me
of being overly suspicious. He called himself a 'old, dear
friend' of yours. Is he?] Obi-Wan fought back his emotions -
irritation that his master was not opening up to him, anger at
Rima, suspicion that the man meant his master harm.
[Yes,] was all Qui-Gon said. In his mind there was nothing
else to read.
Obi-Wan relaxed a bit, accepting. [So, I am being needlessly
suspicious. But there was something about him... and when I did
not answer his questions he cursed at me. I apologize if I have
offended someone important to you, Master. I will go apologize
to him now.] Sighing, he stood up, beginning the bow.
[No!] came back the vehement denial, which so surprised the
Knight that he sank immediately back down into his chair. [He
is... not well, Padawan,] Qui-Gon added. [I am trying to get
him to go to the Healers. I'm sorry if he... upset you,
beloved.]
[Then why are you so upset?] Obi-Wan couldn't help throwing
back, then quickly apologized. [Forgive me, my master, I will
not pry into your personal business. This is clearly something
difficult for you to share with me. I... understand.] Of course
he didn't, but he knew his very private master all too well.
Qui-Gon Jinn, for all his compassion, found it hard to reveal
his own needs or secrets, especially if they included painful
memories, of which Obi-Wan knew he had aplenty. It was the
Knight's fervent hope to someday be allowed to help Qui-Gon
heal from all of that. Though Qui-Gon Jinn was closely attuned
to the Force, his heart was perhaps too vulnerable for his own
good.
[I will share it with you... in time, beloved,] came back the
answer with a note of sorrow so poignant that Obi-Wan felt an
ache in his chest. Impulsively he sent back a wave of love into
the Master's mind, tapping into the Force to calm and ease his
beloved Master.
[Thank you, beloved,] Qui-Gon replied... but the gesture was
not returned.
Ten minutes later, Obi-Wan had been able to compose himself
once more enough to call up the catalog of materials on archive
in the Temple database. He discovered, after a few minutes
searching, that his master did have a couple collections of
poetry in the archive. Centering himself firmly in the Force,
he settled down to read...
Anakin was also discovering that he loved his classes,
although the class in Jedi philosophy was really throwing him
for a loop, though he knew it was the most important one. It
had been a bit of a blow to discover the side of Jedis that had
nothing to do with fighting or flying spaceships. In fact, he'd
been disappointed to learn that Master Jinn's main work was as
a diplomat, which meant he spent a whole lot of time just
talking to people. True, often diplomacy wasn't enough
and a Jedi did have to get into a fight from time to time, but
fighting was NOT the preferred way, though they spent enough
time training for such an occasion. Come to think of it, Jedi
spent an awful lot of time training, period. And it didn't stop
once one became a Knight.
Today's philosophy lecture on the nature of fear was
positively uncomfortable, and Anakin was having trouble sitting
still as Master Janaka droned on. [I am NOT afraid of
anything,] he told himself for the tenth time as the Master
tried to convince her charges that fear was something they
would be battling their whole lives. And his classmates looked
convinced, in fact, most looked petrified that fear would lead
them to the Dark Side some day. [Only if you let it,] Anakin
told himself, irritated.
"Unafraid, are you, young Skywalker?" came a voice from the
doorway suddenly.
Fifteen youngsters whirled around at the unmistakable voice.
"Yes, sir, Master Yoda," Anakin said gravely, standing at his
seat as the venerable old Jedi Master shuffled into the room.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a Knight watching from
the window to the hallway. He glanced away, meeting the gaze of
the old Master. "I won't let fear turn me, sir," he added,
straightening.
Yoda twitched an ear and narrowed his eyes at the newest
student in the Temple. He still had his concerns, though it
eased his mind that the newest Knight would help Master Jinn
train the boy, and that Master Koth had agreed to observe as
well. "Understand fear, you do not," Yoda replied, nodding.
"Grasp your heart, it will. Study it long, let it go you must.
Or lost you will be."
Anakin did not understand at all. "Yes, Master Yoda," he
murmured, bowing as he'd been taught. He glanced again at the
Knight outside the window. The man was staring at him oddly.
"Class is dismissed," Master Janaka declared, sighing. That
was enough for the young ones to think about for one day.
Anakin Skywalker at nine was the eldest in the class by three
or four years, but he had much, much to unlearn.
"Wait one moment, young Skywalker," Yoda ordered, gesturing
for Anakin to remain at his desk. "Talk with you a moment I
will."
"Of course, Master Yoda," Anakin replied, thrilled that the
Jedi Council member - and Master Jinn's own master - would
speak to him personally. Though the other students and Master
Janaka were now gone, he noted that his observer was still
watching from the far end of the window.
"Philosophy... Jedi philosophy very important to study," Yoda
said thoughtfully, looking up at the boy. "Without, Jedi you
cannot be. Ever."
"I know, Master Yoda," Anakin replied, worried. "Is there some
extra reading I can do? I'll study every day, I promise."
"Better than study," Yoda countered, poking gently at the
boy's chest. "Observe, learn you will. Each day, discuss, study
philosophy with Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi. Train your body,
study with the students, you will. Train your mind and spirit
with your Masters you must instead. You are too old, too fixed
in your mind." Another poke. "They will help you. Very close to
the Force are they."
Anakin felt a swell of pride and happiness in his chest. "I
know, Master Yoda. Can I ask you a question, sir?" He'd been
wanting to ask this since learning that the diminutive old
Master had trained Qui-Gon Jinn.
"Ask you may."
"What was Master Qui-Gon like as a child?"
"Hmmmm," Yoda made a noise of contemplation, peering up at the
boy. "At your age... much, much passion had he. Though very
early deep in the Force."
Anakin nodded. "And Obi-Wan?"
Yoda made another noise that the boy had already learned was a
chuckle. "At your age... too hard, that one tried. Too full of
the Force, too little control. Like you, little padawan. Learn
control from them both, you will - to tame your desires from
Knight Obi-Wan... to commune with the Force from Master
Qui-Gon. Powerful Jedi may you one day be... like your
Masters."
The boy bowed, feeling something flow through him strongly, a
feeling he would some day know more intimately as the touch of
the Force. Right now it just felt like an ache, a longing. "I
will observe them closely," Anakin replied reverently, "and
study hard."
The little Master nodded. "Good day, Padawan Anakin."
"Good day, Master Yoda," Anakin replied, grinning. But when he
looked, the observer had gone.
Obi-Wan, too, was feeling powerful things. To his
astonishment, the poem collections revealed the heart of one
private Jedi Master to a remarkable degree, and Obi-Wan
suddenly wished fervently that he could have known about these
years ago. [We almost waited too long,] he thought of their
recent... and first... lovemaking. Clearly the poems had been
written by a man in pain... and in love.
The Knight checked the date stamps on the individual poems,
thinking the collections were a couple decades old at least.
The first that he came to was written, by his calculation, when
Qui-Gon was twenty years old, and evidently in full flush of
his first love...
Ray of sunshine
Piercing the darkness, I awake
Fears fallen, anger lost
Touched in your love I smile
Taken to bliss, called to ecstasy
Forever to know
My soul in yours.
[Someone loved him so deeply and he loved in return that he
wanted to be with them forever,] Obi-Wan thought with a deep
pang in his heart. [So what happened?] Curious, he sorted the
two collections by date then opened the final poem, archived
but five years before...
I have come to find you are my hidden comfort.
Your constant presence at my side gives me my surety, my
peace
The loyalty and devotion I see shining in your eyes fill my
heart
And I come to find you are my hidden strength.
Power in the Force to match mine, perhaps to surpass
My right hand, saber in justice's defense, I rely on you
And I come to find you are my hidden beauty.
Grace and smoothness have I shaped in you, and you glow
Your muscles firm and gleaming with youth, your face
Unmarred as yet by danger or trials, your body
Well formed, now adult, sculpted by my training...
And I come to find you are my hidden desire.
I bank the fires of my passion to reserve for... when?
Not now, not now, my padawan learner, still so much to
do
But, Force, I desire you, long to cascade into nothingness
with you,
One in the Force, lost to ecstasy, lost in your mind
And I come to find you are my hidden love.
Healer of my wounded heart, thief of the pain I would have
clung to
Replacing all that I've lost with your firm presence
And I would love you in the Force for our eternity, but not
yet... One day to claim you for all time, for all lives we may
live
If you should come to find me yours...
Obi-Wan was trembling when he came to the end, his eyes moist.
[Me, he means me,] he realized, checking again the date... and
sure enough, Qui-Gon had written that when Obi-Wan was twenty
years old. Five years ago he loved him! Or...
He had the unwanted thought: [What if Qui-Gon wasn't writing
about me, but about another padawan? Is this about Xanatos? But
I had been with him as padawan seven years when he wrote this
poem. Unless this is just the date he put it in the archive...]
Searching hastily, Obi-Wan discovered that there were no poems
archived between - comparing to the age he knew Qui-Gon was now
- between when Qui-Gon was twenty years old... to when he was
forty. A twenty year gap! He knew that his time with Xanatos
had fallen within that time, as well as all of Solek's
apprenticeship. He made an inquiry of the database computer and
discovered another strange thing.
There had been a third collection. The entire set of some
fifteen poems had been deleted. The date the computer reported
for the deletion... he was sure it was the day that Qui-Gon and
Obi-Wan had returned to Coruscant after the Master had accepted
him as his padawan when he was thirteen years old.
Xanatos. The collection from that time had been deleted after
Qui-Gon had taken Obi-Wan for training.
This last poem then, was definitely about Obi-Wan. [Oh,
beloved Master,] he thought to himself, arms wrapped around his
chest, head bowed, rocking slightly in his chair, feeling so
much. [You loved me five years ago and never told me... and I
have loved you longer.]
He knew why - he'd still been in training. [Besides Xanatos,
dear Master, what else have you lost??] Resolve flooded into
him and the Jedi Knight straightened, swiping at his eyes as he
closed down the reader. [It's time you told me what pain you
think I have healed in you... and show me the rest still to be
healed...]
Anakin was to report back to Master Jinn after philosophy
class for the purpose of setting up the rest of his day's
schedule. He'd been crushed a couple days earlier when he'd
learned he wasn't to attend lightsaber practice for at least a
few months. Even though the student sabers were set on very low
power, he wasn't ready to learn to use one until he achieved a
bit of control in using the Force. But he'd had to admit that
was wise. Up to now, the Force had rather used him and not the
other way around. Anakin must learn to listen to it and be
actively attuned to its guidance.
However, he did not get halfway there before he was
intercepted... by the same strange Knight who had been watching
him talk with Master Yoda outside his philosophy class. "Excuse
me, Padawan, but I need your assistance," the Knight said,
stopping in his path.
"Yes, sir? Anakin peered up at the balding man who seemed
somewhat agitated.
"You're Master Jinn's new padawan, aren't you, boy?" The
expression on the Knight's face seemed oddly intent, even a
little ominous.
Anakin knew he was required to always speak the truth to any
Knight or Master. "Yes, sir, I am. Knight Kenobi is also my
teacher."
The news seemed to stun the other, whose eyes widened in
shock. "You have two Masters? That's a little... unusual... how
can that be?"
The reaction unnerved the boy. "Um, I don't make those
decisions, sir. You'd have to ask Master Jinn or Master Yoda
about that." It wasn't a lie, but the question made him feel
funny.
The Knight regarded him curiously, then shrugged. "Well, I
hate to break it to you, considering Master Jinn's penchant for
being the champion for lost causes, perhaps it was thought you
needed all the help you can get."
The statement was so ludicrous that Anakin couldn't hold back
a chuckle. "I don't think so, sir." Although, remembering the
Gungan JarJar Binks, he could see where his elder Master might
get that reputation.
"Well, how would you know?" the blond man smirked, then rushed
on, "I do need your help, Padawan. I know Obi-Wan Kenobi just
became a Knight... I was wondering if you could tell me when
he's shipping out? I'm an old friend of his and I'd like to get
him something before he leaves. I just came in from the Outer
Rim so I missed the big celebration."
Anakin opened his mouth to correct him but heard himself
asking instead, "Outer Rim? Where? I'm from the Outer Rim."
"Oh, really?" the Knight looked down at him with a little
frown. "And where is that?"
"Tatooine, sir," Anakin replied.
"Hmm..." Clearly the Knight was unimpressed. Jezrael Rima had
always found Tatooine to be one of the dirtiest, nastiest
planets on the Rim. "Hot place."
"I like it hot, sir," Anakin replied cheerfully. "I'm always
cold here."
"I'll bet you are... so... when's the big day for Kenobi?"
Anakin shook his head, wondering how the man could be so
dense. "Excuse me, Knight, sir, but Knight Kenobi is not
shipping out. He and Master Jinn are training me."
The reminder brought a momentary dark expression to the man's
face. "Yes, you did tell me. So... what, are they lovers or
something?" Rima didn't believe that, but he thought he'd toss
it out anyway.
[That's one I don't have to answer,] Anakin told
himself, feeling a flush of anger that this Knight would ask a
padawan something so personal about his Masters. "With all due
respect, sir," he answered as evenly as he could, "that's none
of your business. Excuse me, they are waiting for me."
Fortunately the Knight was too indignant and furious at the
dismissal to respond. And Anakin quickly made his way down the
hall, leaving the other behind.
As he'd been instructed, he knelt down outside the entrance to
the quarters that Master Qui-Gon now shared with Obi-Wan,
knowing that when his Master - either of them - was ready to
see him, they would call him. He wasn't allowed to stay with
his Masters while at the Temple, but was sleeping in the
student dormitory, which suited him as it allowed him to make
friends his own age and give his Masters their privacy. If they
were called away on mission, however, Anakin would go with them
and possibly stay with them, depending on the accommodations
they received from their hosts.
It was hard for Anakin to sit still as he was still seething
with unexpected anger about the Knight who had asked him so
many personal questions. Fortunately he did not have to wait
long. A touch to his shoulder caused him to startle.
"What has you so riled, Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked the child
softly, stooping down to his level. He could feel the anger
sheeting off him like vapor off a spaceship hull before flight.
"Easy, there..." [And I thought I had trouble with
anger,] he wondered.
"Master Obi-Wan, am I glad to see you!" Anakin sighed with
relief. "Sorry, I just encountered someone truly unpleasant."
An alarm went off within the Knight. "Hmm, was it a Knight a
little taller than me, but much older with thinning blond
hair?"
"Yes!" Anakin exclaimed, surprised. "Did you see him?"
"Oh, yeah - some old friend of Qui-Gon's, supposedly." Obi-Wan
frowned. "About which I will certainly be asking."
"He said he was your old friend," Anakin related
puzzledly. "He wanted to know when you would be shipping out!
You're not going anywhere, are you, Master Obi-Wan?"
The Knight shivered a little, not used to being called
"Master". "Of course not, Ani. And he's no friend of mine at
all. Come, let us ask Master Qui-Gon about him." He stood,
gesturing for Anakin to come inside with him.
Within the main room of Qui-Gon's quarters, the Jedi Master
was kneeling in his meditation position, his eyes closed. He
was seemingly unaware of them, deep into meditative trance.
Obi-Wan bowed his respect to his master then sat before him,
assuming the same posture. Anakin, biting his tongue, followed
suit, copying the Knight. But instead of closing his eyes as
Obi-Wan did, he watched him.
"Close your eyes, Anakin," Obi-Wan whispered softly. "Rest in
the Force."
The boy closed his eyes but frowned. [Rest? It's midmorning,
why would I rest?]
The Knight composed himself, centering, then opened his
shields to his Master. He did not speak, but waited. Then he
exhaled sharply as his mind was touched, entered.
[Beloved... you're here about Jezrael,] Qui-Gon breathed into
his lover's mind, his own now quiet and calm. Their shields
were gone between them, adamantly shutting all else out to form
a mental bubble in which only they existed.
[No, actually I'm here to settle the boy's schedule with you,]
Obi-Wan murmured back with a rumble of amusement. [We'll talk
about Rima after that. Do you want more time to meditate,
love?]
Again the stilling of the Master's mind. No reaction, no
thoughts, just that blankness. [Don't do that, Beloved,]
Obi-Wan sent back, accompanying his thought with a rush of
concern. [I love you, please don't block me out...]
[I asked for time...]
Obi-Wan's eyes abruptly opened. [Very well.] Aloud, he said,
"The boy's schedule..."
Qui-Gon's eyes opened as well, though they immediately slid
away from Obi-Wan's, coming to settle upon Anakin, who was now
looking on in wonder. "Yes." The Master put out a hand, and a
datapad from a nearby table floated into it. "How was
philosophy class, Ani?"
The boy gaped at the use of Force, then screwed up his face in
dismay. "You would ask that, Master... it was hard. And Master
Yoda stopped in to talk to me."
"Yes," Qui-Gon replied, nodding solemnly. "He contacted me
about that. You are to study philosophy with Obi-Wan and myself
every morning for an hour. Though I warn you - you're likely
going to want to return to the class with the younger
students."
Both Anakin and Obi-Wan stared at the elder Jedi, but the
Master wore no expression on his face. The Knight remembered
this aspect of his teacher all too well. Qui-Gon Jinn could be
a very strict and unforgiving instructor. Though he knew his
master was fond of the boy, he knew all too well he would never
let his fondness for him effect Anakin's training in any way.
Anakin wondered at first if Master Jinn was teasing him, but
realized he was serious. "Yes, Master Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon sighed, glancing at the datapad. "Very well, you'll
have t'che first thing every morning, then firstmeal, followed
by our philosophy discussion. A half hour of meditation... that
will increase, of course... then...?" He looked up at Obi-Wan
for some input.
Obi-Wan was expecting it. "You were thinking we'll need to
stay here at the Temple for a few months at least, Master,
correct? Until Anakin gets some of the basics out of the way?"
He met the other Jedi's eyes evenly, matching the calm.
Now Qui-Gon returned the gaze. "Yes, though it depends
entirely on Chancellor Palpatine's needs. Though I have a
feeling he isn't going to be relying on the Jedi as much as
Chancellor Valorum did. If there is a need for our...
talents... we'll be gone, no matter where the boy is in his
training. But I feel certain we have at least a short hiatus
here. We need to make the most of it."
The Knight nodded. [We need to talk, beloved...]
[I will decide when that is, beloved,] Qui-Gon returned
mildly, but definitively.
"Yes, sir," Obi-Wan sighed. "Then I suggest the intermediate
astrophysics course, though he could possible test out of much
of that... and he needs to be tested on his navigation skills
so we know what other vessel types he'll need additional
training in. Oh, and a government course, history... Ani, how
many languages do you read?"
The boy's eyes had been getting wider as the Knight had
talked. It thrilled him deeply that his Masters assumed his
level of skills was high enough that he wouldn't need to start
at the beginning in everything. Though clearly what they were
talking about was still considered "basics". "Um, I read a
little Basic and Huttese, sir, but I speak about five
languages..."
He was about to rattle off his languages but Qui-Gon was
already speaking. "A little of anything is not much use, Ani.
Obi-Wan, start him off in the reading class with the
seven-year-olds. He shouldn't be there long, but it's a
starting point. We'll also need to start him on some language
programs."
Anakin opened his mouth, then closed it. Obviously he had no
say in this, though he really doubted a Jedi would need a lot
of languages.
"He has to read and write Basic, Alderin, Bolaran, Huttese,
Calmarian..." Obi-Wan noted thoughtfully as Qui-Gon made notes
on the datapad. "That might be enough for now."
"Um, sirs, how many languages do you know?" Anakin's voice
came out in a squeak. He had NO idea being a Jedi meant knowing
so much - wouldn't one's head hurt trying to stuff all that
data in? Wasn't that what libraries were for?
Qui-Gon considered, pausing, and they realized he was
counting. "Hmmm, don't know that I ever counted, but I believe
it's about fifteen. And then, of course, one has to know
customary greetings and simple pleasantries in something like
forty tongues. We have translator droids, but many times
protocol demands that ambassadors speak directly. Hmmm, Anakin,
did you take care of Watto's accounting in his shop? If so,
your math skills ought to be fairly well along."
The boy's head was seriously spinning. "Yes, sir," he replied,
untensing only when he caught Obi-Wan's smile of reassurance.
"Sirs, I don't know that I can make up nine years of school in
a few months..."
"You aren't going to need some things at all," Obi-Wan said,
giving him a wink. "A Jedi needs to be able to repair many
types of weapons, vehicles, and other equipment. We don't
always have an astromech droid around for that, you know." He
looked at his lover again. "Actually, Qui-Gon, we could have
him spend a few days just testing out of some of these."
The Jedi Master shook his head slowly. "No. He needs depth of
training, not merely to be able to pass a test. Although I will
concede that he will not need training in certain of the
mechanical areas. The essentials here are philosophy, physics,
languages, history, and political science."
"But he can test out of mathematics and intermediate
mechanics, surely..." Obi-Wan pressed on.
"Very well. But anything less than perfect scores will land
him in the appropriate classes."
Anakin stared at him, stunned, especially when Obi-Wan nodded
in agreement. [Perfect scores?]
Qui-Gon handed the datapad over to his former student after
finishing his notes. "There, that should do it."
As Obi-Wan looked over the list, Anakin couldn't help but
speak up though this wasn't the first time this particular
subject had been discussed. "Um, sirs, when do I get my
lightsaber?"
The Jedi Knights looked over in amazement. "You don't
get a lightsaber, Padawan," Obi-Wan explained gently.
"You build one. It's kind of a rite of passage from apprentice
to senior apprentice. Until then you use a training saber which
only carries a mild electrical charge. It doesn't cause
anything but a tiny shock, although for the safety of the
students, one must wear a protective harness so no electrical
charges are released into the heart. Even the lightsabers of
the senior apprentices are turned to very low power, though
they can leave burns."
Anakin nodded, though clearly disappointed. "And how long
until I'm allowed to build my own?"
The Jedi Master was looking at him narrowly. "I believe our
first topic for our philosophy discussion tomorrow morning will
be the necessity of patience..."
The boy gulped and wanted to crawl into his tunic and
disappear. "Yes, Master Qui-Gon," he hastily replied, getting
the message. He glanced over at his other Master, but Obi-Wan
was looking at the datapad still, adding some notes of his own.
So the boy folded his hands in his lap and waited for further
instructions... trying to be patient.
[I remember how hard you were on me during our first week
together,] Obi-Wan was reminding his lover privately. [Make
that our first three years.]
[And you didn't need it?] Qui-Gon countered calmly.
['Patience' wasn't even in your vocabulary.]
[But you eventually accepted me as Padawan,] the other replied
with a mental caress.
[Yes. And you've come so very far, my precious one.] The
caress was returned this time. [You found the poems.]
Obi-Wan couldn't hold back the rush of love he felt,
remembering the final poem, though he kept still before the
boy. [Yes, oh, yes...]
Qui-Gon slowly rose from the floor to his full height,
sighing, then went to sit at the common table, folding his
long, dark robe around him. Obi-Wan couldn't help but watch,
for he always had loved his master's slow, elegant movements.
He rose also, handing the datapad back. "He has time to make it
to the astrophysics class," the Knight murmured, sitting
opposite him.
The Jedi Master looked the schedule over, then grunted his
approval. "Very good. Padawan, report to Knight Reitvu in the
physics laboratory. When that class is ended, report to the
Trainings Master who will go over your new schedule with you.
We'll see you for nightmeal."
"Yes, sir," Anakin replied, getting up from the floor. He
bowed to each of his teachers in turn, daring a grin. "Thank
you, sirs."
Mumbling to himself about patience, Anakin left his Masters'
quarters and headed down several levels to the laboratories. As
seemed to be his fate this day, he was again intercepted, this
time by a monitor droid. "Padawan Skywalker," the droid
addressed him sternly, "you have been put on report for
disrespect to a Knight. Report to the conservatory for cleaning
duty."
"What?" Anakin couldn't help exclaiming. That Knight who had
stopped him earlier had actually reported him!
"Insubordination, even to Monitors who are given orders by the
Masters, is not allowed," the droid told him. "Go now."
Something in all this alarmed the padawan, something he was
sure couldn't possibly be right. "Please, sir, can you tell my
Masters about this? They need to know."
The Monitor made a rude noise. "Hmph! They'll be informed by
datapost, don't worry."
Anakin bit his lip and tried again. "I have class in a few
minutes..."
"Education is a privilege. Behave if you want to learn,
Padawan. Now get going."
Anakin got, but he wanted so much to kick the droid in the
shin... kick anything...
Obi-Wan finished transmitting the schedule and laid the
datapad back down. He laid his hand over Qui-Gon's. "We haven't
told him about making the bond tonight, Master," he reminded
him quietly.
The other turned his hand over to clasp the Knight's. "Tonight
with Koth present, we will talk with him about it before this
is done. Right now it would be too much of a distraction for
him. As it is, this is going to be an adjustment for all of
us."
"Qui-Gon... if you remember, you and I formed a bond before
you even accepted me. Is it true that there has been nothing
before this between you and Anakin at all?" Obi-Wan stroked the
hand in his with his thumb.
The Master nodded his head. "Nothing. Which, actually, was a
fortunate thing on Naboo, because Anakin would have been
terribly shook by sensing the battle we were in, and I would
have been equally unnerved considering what the boy got himself
into... anyway, he must bond with you as well. A prior bond
with me would prevent that possibility."
"It was a lifeline to me in the beginning," Obi-Wan reflected,
bringing the long fingers up to his cheek, "to sense you, to be
able to assure myself that you were really there, to know when
you were in danger, or you to know when I was. Now it is merely
my life. I cannot imagine being without it. What happened to
your other bonds, Qui-Gon?"
Qui-Gon moved his chair closer, looking into his lover's eyes.
"Prolonged separation dims the bond between master and padawan,
you know. I can still sense Master Yoda if I quiet myself. If
Solek were to come back to the Temple for a visit, I would feel
her. Xanatos..." He paused, closing his eyes briefly. "I killed
that bond. Nothing of it remains."
Obi-Wan pressed his lips quickly to his lover's fingers in
reassurance, then asked gently, "Did you ever bond with another
Jedi lover?"
[You mean Jezrael Rima,] Qui-Gon pointed out, narrowing his
eyes a bit again as he gazed at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan stared, feeling his universe shudder. So Rima and
Qui-Gon had been lovers! The first poem - was that
Jezrael Rima whom Qui-Gon had felt "called to ecstasy" with?
Had they practiced the Ritual as he and Qui-Gon did just days
ago? Shakily, he asked, [Did you? I don't know about these
things, Master, you are the only one I have ever had a mind
bond with, and the only lover I have ever wanted a bond with.]
Obi-Wan felt like he was drowning, and quite willingly, into
the deep blue of Qui-Gon Jinn's eyes even as his reality tilted
around him.
"No. We never had a bond. He didn't want one." Qui-Gon met his
lover's hungry gaze a moment longer, then looked away. "My bond
with you is my life as well, Beloved. You must know... I was
very young when I was with Jez. Both of us new Knights, starved
for adventure..."
"You must have been the same age I am," Obi-Wan reminded him
gently.
"Younger, I'm afraid. By the time I was your age, I was
training Solek and Jez was already three years gone to the Rim.
I never saw him after he left Coruscant, even when Solek and I,
or later when Xanatos and I traveled to the Rim on rare
business." Qui-Gon closed his eyes as if with remembered pain.
"I had other lovers... none ever that serious."
"You wanted no one close again," Obi-Wan sighed, remembering
how hard it was to get close to the reclusive Jedi Master. "Yet
you always had others near. Qui-Gon, I've rarely seen you
uncomfortable in any social situation, yet seeing Rima today
has really rattled you."
Qui-Gon nodded, then stood up, Obi-Wan's hand still in his. He
drew the younger man away from the table, then pulled his body
against his, wrapping long arms around him. "He's
Force-blind... from a brain injury sustained a month ago on the
Rim. And he wants me to Heal him."
Tilt. Obi-Wan felt the horror ripple through him. To lose
contact with the Force was worse than death to the Jedi. No
wonder the man was crazed. He was dying, his spirit shriveling
from loss of contact with the energies of the universe which he
had grown used to breathing. Obi-Wan pressed his face against
the shoulder of his tall lover. "Can you?" he whispered after a
moment.
"I will not... I cannot," Qui-Gon replied, his voice hushed.
"I could hurt him worse. The Healers will have to see what they
can do." Then he swallowed as the unwanted pain threatened for
a moment to resurface. [He should not have come here.]
Obi-Wan tightened his arms around his master's back. [Master,
he knows Anakin is our Padawan. Somehow he found out. The boy
had a run in with him, too.]
[Oh? I don't like the sound of that...] Qui-Gon loosened the
embrace so he could look down at Obi-Wan again. "Why would he
try to talk to Anakin?"
"I don't know..." Obi-Wan sighed. "He was rather rude to me,
too, and if he's Force-blind, I can see that he might not be in
his right mind."
A brief look of consternation crossed the usually serene
visage of the Jedi Master. "We have no bond with Anakin yet so
we cannot sense when he might be in danger. You said Jezrael
asked you if I had any lovers? Would Ani have told him about
us?"
Obi-Wan's eyes widened, then narrowed. "Never. Anakin would
not lie, but he would refuse to tell."
Qui-Gon leaned in and kissed his young lover's forehead
tenderly. "I didn't mention - Jez wants to be lovers again. He
thinks I've done enough teaching. I told him, of course, that
it was impossible."
"Though you didn't tell him you had a committed relationship
already," Obi-Wan replied quietly. He knew the answer, and
wasn't surprised when Qui-Gon didn't reply. "Ani should be in
class right now," he added, sighing. "Or do we need to check on
him?"
The Jedi Master went still for the barest moment, then tilted
the Knight's chin up to his and kissed him deeply, folding him
back into his embrace.
The sudden kiss made Obi-Wan go weak all over. [Oh, Master,]
he sighed, feeling lighter than air, then he found his
composure somewhere again. [Ani?]
Qui-Gon ended the kiss, though a brief smolder burned in his
eyes momentarily when he met his lover's gaze again. Then the
steel control was back, the fire banked. [I just wanted to make
sure you knew my heart,] Qui-Gon replied.
Obi-Wan nodded, his mouth dry. [I know. I did not doubt. We
both have had lovers before, of course.]
But the Jedi Master was still staring into his eyes. [I know
your questions, I can see them in your eyes, beloved. Yes, Jez
and I did the Ritual, as I have with others. Yes, we were
imprinted, though never bonded. A physical imprinting without
bonding is common. No one has ever had access to my mind...
like this. I cannot love him again, of course. Beloved Padawan,
I'm afraid I'm rather permanently ruined for you. There is only
you, now, and forever.] At this last, Qui-Gon touched the
inmost core of Obi-Wan's mind, a touch only for the most
intimate and committed of lovers.
The touch made Obi-Wan's head swim and his arms tightened
about his lover, lest he fall. [Master - I am utterly yours.]
The elder Jedi held the gaze a while longer, wondering. Then
he calmed his mind and heart and released the Knight. "Come,
let us check on our Padawan," he murmured.
Anakin wiped at a smudge of dirt on his nose that itched. The
droid in charge of the maintenance of the Temple's main
conservatory had set him to cleaning spilled dirt from urns
which overflowed a little when watered. The lush humidity of
the conservatory bothered him terribly, so he tried to block
out his discomfort and attend to his task. But the anger kept
seeping back up, the indignity of the wrongful accusation of
the strange Knight slowly eating at him.
Directly beside him, a large Jojulri orchid began to droop...
Deep in the bowels of the Temple, Anakin's Masters were
discovering that the boy had never made it to physics class. A
quick query revealed he had not checked in with the Training
Master either. Qui-Gon's comlink sounded. "Yes?" he spoke into
it, a bit of the irritation he felt leaking through.
"This is Droid Maintenance Supervisor FV-5L. Please come to
the Conservatory, Master Jinn. You and Knight Kenobi are
required."
The Knights exchanged puzzled glances, but they knew this had
something to do with Anakin. "We are on our way."
At the entrance to the Conservatory, a nervous droid met them.
"I am FV-5L," he related, gesturing for them to follow him. "I
called you before reporting this... oddity... since he is your
apprentice."
"Anakin!" Qui-Gon exclaimed, bewildered. "Why is he here?"
Obi-Wan added, equally confused.
"He was on report - you were notified by datapost," FV-5L
replied as they followed him into the gardens. "Anyway, I have
never seen anything like this before..."
"Report, why? By whom?" Qui-Gon asked, his voice hushed
suddenly. He could feel it, the disturbance ahead, like a
reversed polarity, the wrongness that made his senses tingle
madly. Darkness. Beside him, Obi-Wan had stopped in his tracks,
shivering.
"Knight Jezrael Rima reported Padawan Skywalker for rudeness,"
the droid dutifully reported. "There, you can see it now..."
The Jedi Master's eyes widened, then narrowed ahead as he
focused on the disturbance, opening up his mind to the Force.
Automatically he put a hand out to his former student. "Stay
back. I will manage this," he said in a voice that brooked no
argument. Well behind him he was aware that others were
arriving, sensing the Dark in the midst of the Temple. But as
Master Qui-Gon Jinn advanced, something seemed to keep them
back.
Obi-Wan, feeling numb, glanced back and a blue shimmer
appeared for a brief moment as if a barrier to keep out the
others. Then it was gone. He looked back at his Master, who was
entering what appeared to be a greyish haze coming from the
center of the Conservatory. [I should not leave him,] he
thought suddenly, seeing again in a flash the image of his
master dying in the vision from Naboo. But he was frozen to
act, his limbs not obeying. Something was operating here,
something emanating from his Master, something in the Force
that kept anyone but Qui-Gon Jinn from entering the Dark.
Qui-Gon advanced without hesitation, unafraid, reaching the
source of the disturbance without thought of his own safety.
The Force held him closely, breathing him as he breathed the
Force, like a lover deep within his body. He sighed and sank to
his knees and pulled the disturbance into his arms as he sat
back on his heels, enfolding his arms around the wrongness. The
pure, light, fluid Force in his being broke the Dark, and
suddenly he was only holding an angry, sobbing boy in his arms,
the haze dissipating. Taking a deep breath, Qui-Gon looked
around - there was about a twelve feet radius of dying plants
around them.
"I did nothing wrong!" Anakin railed still, pounding on the
arms that held him, then when the arms only tightened, he
shuddered into choking sobs and held onto the Jedi Master for
dear life.
"Of course you did nothing wrong, Ani," Qui-Gon murmured,
"Come out of this, wake up. Everything is fine. I will deal
with this Knight who has hurt you." His voice was soothing,
purring, the Force pulsing softly into the shattered emotions
of the child.
Some thirty feet away, still unable to see his master, Obi-Wan
stood, aching to be with him, frustrated to be kept away. It
was too much like Qui-Gon's last brush with the Dark. Worse,
his Master was utterly calm, yet was not aware of him at all,
not listening to his pleas. What was this power he displayed?
And what was the Dark doing here?
Then he saw it, just faintly, less distinct than a few days
before toward the end of their Ritual. A shadow-self of his
beloved Master, looking straight at him from no more than five
feet away. The wraith seemed to smile its encouragement even as
it held a softly glowing lightsaber in readiness. Another
"manifestation of the Force"? Then it was gone again.
[Tell the others everything is okay here,] his master's voice
came to him suddenly. [We are fine.]
Obi-Wan found he was no longer frozen. He took a last longing
look ahead to where his beloved must be, then turned to tell
the curious watchers. He felt it, too - the Dark was gone.
In another minute, Anakin came to himself, his face calm. He
blinked up at the Master, wondering. "Master Qui-Gon, what
happened?"
Qui-Gon smiled, though internally he was far more upset by
what had evidently happened here than he could let on. But he
had taken care of things. The boy would remember nothing,
thinking he had stopped into the Conservatory on the way to
class, then fainted. [We must complete the bond with him as
soon as possible,] Qui-Gon thought to himself, knowing a deep
inner alarm... knowing that Yoda's fears about this boy were
well-founded. There was a window to the Dark within him... [The
bond will help us seal that, help Obi-wan and myself teach him
to close it forever. The Dark will not get this one.]
"Growing boys need to eat, that's what happened," he said in a
normal, teasing tone of voice as he helped Anakin stand. "You
fainted, Padawan." But he kept a light touch on the boy's mind.
Anakin would not see the plants, not see what he had wreaked on
them.
It was true that the boy might have learned a valuable lesson
of the consequences of his baser emotions here... or it could
have filled him with a fear of his own potential that he would
never forget. Qui-Gon Jinn chose to find another way to teach
this lesson. The fear would keep that window open despite all
their efforts.
[Obi-Wan,] he called ahead to the Knight, [take Anakin to get
something to eat. He does not remember what happened so do not
ask him. I must... finish... here, then find Jezrael Rima. When
you have a chance, please contact Master Koth and ask him to
join us. I will find you shortly.]
[Of course, Master,] Obi-Wan replied quickly, seeing Anakin
walk toward him. The boy indeed looked a little stunned. When
he held out his hand, Anakin took it silently. Obi-Wan glanced
back and now could see his Master clearly. To his astonishment
he could see the ring of drooping plants. Anakin did... that?
As the Knight watched with eyes and mind, Qui-Gon lifted his
hands waist-high, palms down, and applied the Force, breathing
the life energy back into the plants. Slowly, as the Knight
gaped in wonder, the plants... began to recover. "Come, Ani,"
Obi-Wan murmured after watching for a moment, then took the boy
out. The others mysteriously were already gone.
When it was done, all appeared as it was before. Qui-Gon Jinn
lowered his hands, feeling the power of the Force ebb back to
normal within him. [Jez,] he thought to himself, sighing as he
left the Conservatory, [if you had any idea what you just
touched off...]
He found Jezrael Rima in the hallway outside his quarters. The
man looked miserable, especially when he could clearly see that
Qui-Gon was not very pleased to see him. "Qui, don't send me to
the Healers," he sighed as the taller Jedi stopped before him.
"Why is it so hard to let me just be with you, love you?"
When the Knight pawed his arm, Qui-Gon shrugged him off
easily. "You reported my Padawan," he stated, not in anger, but
calmly. "You cannot see yourself, Jezrael, how your mind is
already cracking. You have disturbed two close to me, and I
will have no more of that. The Healers are the only ones who
can save you, open your mind to the Force again. I cannot."
"Your love will heal me," Jezrael responded firmly, taking him
by the arms again. "I know it, I feel it."
"You cannot feel," Qui-Gon countered. "That's the point. And I
am no longer in love with you, Jez. What we had was a very long
time ago. And before you ask, since I can see you will, and
have, yes, there is another." His voice softened a bit.
"Jez, please get help..."
Jezrael's face closed up as if he'd been struck. "I know what
I know. Only you can Heal me. When I hurt them because I cannot
help it... then you will know, too." Then, before Qui-Gon could
say a word more, the Knight whirled and ran off down the hall.
Obi-Wan tensed abruptly as his mind was filled with his
Master's thought. [Master!] He felt, as he always did, the
flood of yearning that made him want to submit to his beloved
Master's every wish. Beside him, munching on a breadstick,
Anakin looked at him strangely.
[Obi-Wan,] Qui-Gon's thought joined their minds together
again. [I cannot get Jezrael to listen to reason. Is Anakin
with you?]
[Yes, of course. What happened in the Conservatory? I saw you
as two again...]
There was no response except for the wave of astonishment from
the Master. Qui-Gon was stunned, then paused to think about
what had happened...
[Something, Qui-Gon, held back those who had come to see what
was wrong... I saw a shimmer... then I saw you enter a grey
cloud.] Obi-Wan patted Anakin's shoulder while he mentally
spoke with his master, and the boy settled back into his meal.
[The Dark - there was something like a cloud of Dark around
Anakin!]
[The boy had been unjustly accused,] Qui-Gon replied solemnly.
[Rage drove out reason, and he turned the Force within him
against the plants surrounding him... unconsciously, of course.
You see why it is now critical we make that bond.]
Obi-Wan was equally stunned. [Power and no controls... Yes,
Master, I see. He... he doesn't remember, you said?]
Qui-Gon entered their quarters. [What he had done would have
frightened him badly. I took it from him.]
The Knight closed his eyes briefly. It was a part of his
Master he always had to tell himself to get used to - Qui-Gon's
habit of acting without seeking advice. He had no doubt that
unorthodox solution wouldn't have met with Council approval.
But then also, he knew, Qui-Gon Jinn was occasionally far
closer to the Force than most of them.
But what in all the holy ice hells of Hoth was that shadow
self of his?
[The power in you, Master, was incredible,] Obi-Wan breathed
back, touching him deep in the mind.
[The gift of the Force is all,] Qui-Gon reminded him. [I am
calling Master Koth. Bring Anakin.]
[Yes, Master,] Obi-Wan replied, then shivered with joy as his
mind was touched in like.
This concludes Part 1: The Window of "The Will of the Force"
Archive 