Disclaimer. The sandbox and all the toys in it belong to George
Lucas, he's the one to build the sandcastles. I'm eternally
grateful for letting us see those.I merely sneak into his
sandbox and make a few mudpies, and I'm only using the kind of
sand he doesn't need.
Alternate universe hurt/comfort, Sex m/m, violence some.
I owe thanks to Rina for the Gladiator series.I'm turning her
idea around, as a tribute to her story. Also apologies are due
to Barbara Hambly, for borrowing her idea of the chained
swordfighter.
Summary: Obi-Wan meets an enslaved and very much abused Qui-Gon
Jinn, later he takes him as his padawan.
Feedback, zpflo@aol.com
The small ship carrying the Jedi Master Mace Windu, and his
padawan, Obi-Wan, landed on Histapho. The asteroid was crowded
with fanciful buildings, under the envirodome. "Do we have to
come here, Master?" Obi-Wan inquired. "Why do I have to
experience this depravity?"
"You have to feel it, if only just once. You have never been
exposed to this part of life. You can't fully know the weakness
of men, without finding out how low they can sink." I
understand, Master." Obi-Wan said. "But I still have a strange
sense of foreboding."
"Then be on your guard. I know better than ignore your
feelings, my Padawan. You are unusually sensitive to what the
Force tells us of the future. Do you foresee danger?"
"No. I feel that this place holds something for me, something I
have not asked for, but something I need." He didn't add that
he felt that his life might change forever." Shall I go around
alone or you'll come with me, Master?"
"Go around alone, but I'll monitor you through the Force. I
have no doubt that nothing can harm you here. In my opinion you
are a Knight now, all you miss is the official declaration,
then you'll have your own Padawan. Not much more can I teach
you, Obi-Wan."
He was pleased, that his Master thought he was that far
advanced. As he walked on the well lit streets, he noticed
guards everywhere. Elegantly dressed people stepped in and out
of the pleasure palaces. He sensed their feelings. Greed was
the underlying emotion here. Greed motivated the prostitutes,
greed for money, and greed for pleasures motivated the guests.
Greed for pleasures that Obi-Wan couldn't even identify. Some
of the men craved domination over others, craved the infliction
ofpain, and sheding blood. They were willing to pay for it.
Obi-Wan followed them. He was here to see the worst side of
human nature, and he wanted it. His Master was right he had to
know it all. He spent most of his life sheltered among his
fellow Jedi. It was time to let himself see the worst.
He was dressed for the place.Instead of his Jedi robes, he wore
plain dark pants and a loose tunic. He remained unseen. His
aura suggested that he wasn't even there. Following the small
group of men, he entered a sandcolored building. Over the door
it advertised,"Exquisite Entertainment for the Dominant Male."
Upon entering, the customers were presented with a list of
possibilities, that they marked with their preferences. He
frowned as he read it. There was a choice of combat, armed or
unarmed, or simply tobuy the right to whip or rape someone. He
had no intention to do anything but only to see how it was
done.
The prices were exorbitant. One of the men he followed marked
his preference as armed combat, and after the fight, the right
to rape the swordsman he fought with. Obi-Wan expected some
kind of simulated combat ,some game of roleplaying.. Unseen, he
went with the man, who was led inside. It was not what he
expected.
In the room they entered a tall man, ofabout forty, was
standing. He had been chained to a post by his left wrist. In
his right hand, he held a sword. He had long brown hair, and
wore nothing more than a pair of leather pants, and short
boots. Sweat run down his broad chest. Scars marked his skin.
Obi-Wan saw that his wrist under the manacle was swollen and
bloody. He was very muscular, but too lean. The Jedi wondered
if the man was adequately fed.
There was a swordfight. But definitely not simulated. Obi-Wan
noticed the fighter was ordered to hold back. He was obviously
avoiding wounding the customer. Naturally, the Jedi mused, he
was not allowed to hurt the paying guest. Who, on the other
hand, was allowed to inflict several wounds if he desired.
The chained swordsman was clearly a master of his weapon,
otherwise the management couldn't trust him to leave his
opponent unharmed. Obi-Wan wondered what could bring a man to
work here. The customer declared himself the winner when he cut
the shoulder of the man deeply. The Jedi was amazed when he
didn't even sense that the man acknowledged the pain. The
customer pushed him down, he didn't resist. Taking a submissive
position, he remained motionless.
Obi-Wan wished he wasn't here to witness what followed. It was
rape, of the most brutal kind. The swordsman endured it without
making a sound.
The customer delighted in the idea that he defeated and defiled
the swordsman, who was, as Obi-Wan had seen, far superior to
him in every way. The customer left, satisfied and gloating.
Obi-Wan remained , still shielding his presence.
He saw the swordsman getup.He couldn't leave his post, the
chains held him fast. This was no play, Obi-Wan decided. The
man was chained, and not just for the duration of the
customer's stay. There was a bag hanging from the post The man
took a medkit out of it, and applied salve to his shoulder. He
looked at the Jedi, obviously not fooled by his shields.
"Why are you here?"He asked. "I'm not ready for the next yet."
"I'm not the next." Obi-Wan answered.
"Then who are you?"
"Just an observer. There's nothing to be concerned about."
"Yes, there is. This is most unusual"
Obi-Wan sensed that Jedi mind tricks didn't work on this man.
"Why are you here? Is this your job?"
"No. This is not a job. I'm a slave."
"Have you always been one?"
"No, only for the last ten years."
"What were you doing before?"
"I was a soldier. I was captured after a lost battle. And
sold."
"Have you tried to escape?"
"There's no escape. All slaves have a transmitter placed in
their bodies. If I'm not within a certain distance, it
explodes. Not that I have any desire to leave. I can't live
without the drugs they are giving me. Why do you want to know
these things?" The man was talking about himself in an utterly
detached fashion, as if his own fate was the last thing he was
interested in. "Who are you and why are you here?"
"As I said, I'm an observer."
"What in all hells are you observing?"
"People."
"You are going to stand here?"
"Do you mind?"
"Should I mind?" His laughter was a soft, bitter sound.. "I
don't mind anything."
A small door opened in the back of the room. A droid came in
with a cup. "Here's your dose, Qui-Gon. Two more customers are
registered for today, then you can rest."
Obi-Wan recoiled, seeing the man reach out for the cup. He
drowned the contents at once.
"What is it?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I don't know. All I know is that I can't live without it. They
started giving it to me when I was brought here."
"What happens if you are not getting it?"
"You don't want to know."
"Yes, I do."
"I scream and beat my head against the wall. You wouldn't want
to be near me then. Are you going to stand here and watch me
all day? Does it give you pleasure?"
"No."
"You are not lying."
"You feel it, that I'm not lying?"
"I can tell what people think. I always could. I think that's
why I lasted so long here. I know what they are going to do
next."
"What am I going to do next?"
Startled eyes met Obi-Wan's gaze. "You"ll try to free me."
"Yes. You have Jedi reflexes. I'd like to check your
midichorian count."
"My what?"
"Midichlorians live inside us, Jedi have a high number of
them."
"You are a Jedi, aren't you?"
"Yes."
Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the next
customer. The scene was exactly the same as before. Obi-Wan
kept silent. Holding back his outrage was harder than he ever
expected. How can this man tolerate this, with such supreme
indifference, how strong he has to be to take all the brutality
and humiliation without ever letting it touch him. Nothing they
do to him ever touches his soul, the Jedi thought, somewhere
inside, he's still whole.
When the customer left, Obi-Wan took a small sample of blood.
There was enough of it running down Qui-Gon's body. He patched
up his wounds with a practiced efficiency. Obi-Wan [then]
contacted his Master. "Master, I'd like to have a midichlorian
count on this sample I'm sending."
"It is very high, my Padawan. As high as yours. Whose blood is
this?"
"I'll explain later, Master."
Obi-Wan waited for another good hour, until the last customer
left. Qui-Gon was obviously exhausted by then. The droid came
in again and unlocked the manacles. Only then did Qui-Gon tend
his sore left wrist. "No use to do it during the day. It'll
just get rubbed raw again."
"Where are you going now?"
"To my place. I get to wash and eat, then I'm going to sleep.
Are you going to follow me there to?"
"If you don't mind."
"I said, I don't mind anything."
The cubicle where they went was small, with a sani and a
pallet. A food dispenser was on the wall. It was halfway filled
with some kind of dry food, that Kenobi thought one would feed
a dog with.
Qui-Gon disappeared into the sani, came out naked, washed, his
wounds bandaged tightly.
Obi-Wan watched him eat. He was hungry. The Jedi thought he had
been correct guessing that his food was far less than adequate.
He wondered if in the past ten years, anybody touched this man
without the intention to hurt.
"No." Qui-Gon said. " No one has."
"You read me clearly."
"Yes, but don't think you have a holy obligation to touch me
with loving kindness, Jedi." He looked up at the young man with
something like amusement in his eyes.
"I don't think it is a holy obligation. I'm not a priest or a
healer."
"Just how do you want to go about saving me, and why?"
"You are strong in the Force,you should have been a Jedi."
"Isn't it a little too late for that?"
"You have given up hope."
"And with good reason. I told you I can't live without the drug
they give me."
"Do you live now?" Obi-Wan asked mercilessly.
"You have a point here. No, I don't live I' m just not dead."
"So then,what have you got to lose."
"Come to think of it, nothing. But I don't want you to be there
when I start missing my dose. I might even kill you."
"You can't kill a Jedi." Obi-Wan said.
"Isn't that a myth?"
"With a little bit of truth in it. It's not easy to kill a
Jedi."
"So how do you plan to save me? I don't think they'd sell me."
"I don't know it yet. I might try to do it with some
persuasion."
"I think that wont work on them. They are Toydarians. Nothing
works on their mind."
"You are tired. I let you sleep. I'll be back tomorrow."
Obi-Wan had to hold himself back from touching the broad
shoulders.
Qui-Gon lay down on his pallet. He fall asleep immediately.
How tired he is, Obi-Wan thought. He went to meet his
Master.
"You are very disturbed, my Padawan." Windu said.
"Yes, I've met a man. The one whose blood sample I sent you.
He's a slave. I never imagined anyone can be kept that way,
he's badly used. We have to free him, Master."
"Obi-Wan, you have formed a strong attachment to this person,
in a very short time. Examine your feelings. Meditate on what
you had seen. I want you to clear you mind, and analyze your
emotions. Don't act in haste. I sense that your interest in
this person cannot be easily explained."
"I don't know what I feel Master. I know I must free him. I
have to do what I must."
Obi-Wan meditated all night. By sunrise, he was no closer
understanding himself. He was even more disturbed by some of
the thoughts that emerged during his meditation. He wanted to?
He wanted to make love to Qui-Gon? Is that what he wanted? He
wanted to love him? He had fallen in love? Was he mixing up
compassion with love? Was this man capable of returning his
feelings? Love was not love if it was not mutual. He knew that.
Qui-Gon slept that night. He dreamed of the young man who had
been with him. He dreamed of touches, loving touches. He
dreamed of strong hands stroking him, strong hands gentle hands
on his abused body. Then the dream turned into a nightmare. He
was killing the Jedi in an insane fit of rage, when he didn't
get his drug. The broken body of the Jedi lay on the ground in
front of him. And he crouched beside him, and wept.
He awakened in terror, smiling when he saw that it was just a
dream. But then he knew, that his dreams were perhaps of the
future, and that they would come true.. He thought that he
can't allow the Jedi to set him free. That' can't happen, he
decided.I'm nothing but a beast. I'd kill him.
No, you wouldn't kill me, the thought came to him from afar. I
felt your dream. I know. I want you as much as you want me.
Trust me, I won't let you hurt me. I'm a Jedi, I won' let you
kill me. I want you. I know it now. You know it too. We belong.
Somehow, we belong together. I know. I won't walk away from
this. This was meant to be between us. I'm not giving it up
just because it is going to be dangerous at the beginning.
Trust me. /Leave me alone,/ Qui-Gon sent. Even if I trusted
you, I don't trust myself. "Obi-Wan. You have made your
decision but I don't agree." His Master told him in the
morning.
"I have no choice, Master. It has to be. I can't do anything
else."
"Too much defiance is in you."
"Master, you must let me try. If it is not what I think, I'll
be the first to know."
"How do you plan to free this man?"
"I'll buy him."
"Obi-Wan. This kind of slave costs a king's ransom."
"Then I'll acquire a king's ransom."
"How? Obi-Wan you are planning todo things I don't approve of."
"Master, I promise you I won't turn to the Dark side to do
this." There was a smile in the Padawan's eyes.
"I hope you know what you are doing, Obi-Wan."
"Master, you have trained me well. I won't bring shame on the
Jedi, I promise."
"I take your word for it, my Padawan. I shall trust you. I
expect the two of you on Coruscant as soon as possible. I leave
the ship for you, but you have to do this alone. I won't be a
part of it."
"Yes, Master. I understand.I won't fail you."
That afternoon, Obi-Wan entered one of the gambling houses. He
walked out with a fortune. He didn't cheat, he merely used his
instincts when betting.
He repeated the work twice that day in two different casinos.
He then went to buy himself a slave. His money was barely
enough, but enough.
"I wouldn't sell him, so cheap, he is worth more, but I'm a
honest businessman." the Toydarian told him. "He is forty, and
I must honestly tell you that he won't live longer than ten
more years."
"I'll have enough enjoyment of him in a few years to make it
worth. "The Jedi said. "I understand that he needs some kind of
a drug. What is it?"
"Nothing special. Just a mixture of some native herbs of my
home planet, that are particularly addictive for humans. He
can, as I said, take them for about ten more years before it
starts to be really harmful to him. I'll give you a supply for
ten days. You can buy more, it's not even expensive. At any
shop that caters to Toydarians, just ask for the extract of
green melons. One teaspoon in a glass of water twice a day is
all he needs. It bonds with the human nervous system, and the
lack of it activates the center of the brain that is
responsible for feeling fear. For me, it's a dessert, for a
human it's eternal bondage."
"I presume it is impossible to wean him from it."
"Rest assured, no human who was on it for longer than a week,
ever learned to live without it," the Toydarian laughed.
"How do I use the control of his transmitter?"
"Just keep him near it. You can adjust the range, up to four
miles. Right now it's set to half a mile. That's the best
unless you plan to have a very large enclosure for him. It's
best to keep him confined."
"What about his feeding?"
"He does well on dry food. He's healthy, no need to let him get
any fatter. Half a container once a day is enough. It has all
the nutrients he needs, vitamins too, buy the same brand we
were giving to him, it is really good. Generic pellets for the
standard human male... We check him often. He has no diseases,
All his internal organs work well. And he's not gelded. You can
even breed him. Though you wish, I can have him gelded for
you,it takes but a few minutes.."
"No thanks. I'd rather have him whole." "I understand,he's
quite decorative intact, or so I was told. I'll have him
brought] up for you." Qui-Gon arrived chained hand and foot
wearing nothing but a loincloth.. Obi-Wan felt his outrage, but
he ignored it. He pocketed the controls and led him out. He had
a speeder waiting.
"Get in."
"I begged you not to do this."
"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. Gods, if anyone would ever
trust me, my Master, or you!"
"Did you buy me?"
"What else?"
"How did you get the kind of money?"
"I gambled."
"Is a Jedi allowed to cheat?"
"No. And I did not cheat. I just knew what to bet on. Is that
cheating? I can't pretend not to know the future."
"But I dreamed that I killed you. My dreams always come true."
"You dream of the future, but the future changes even as we
speak. It is only one of the possible futures that you have
seen. But now that I know it could happen, I can take
precautions. I have a ten day supply of that drug. After that,
we will see if we can wean you from it."
"No one ever did that."
"Does that mean that no one ever will?"
"Where did you get your confidence?"
"I don't know. I think I was born this way." Obi-Wan smiled."We
are going to Coruscant. I have to introduce you to the Council.
And I'll need some help to take out the transmitter from your
body."
"I think any medical droid can do that once the control is
deactivated. You said you have the drug. I need it now."
Obi-Wan stopped the speeder and bought some water, to make up a
dose. He hated to give it to Qui-Gon. He knew he had to, for
now. "He told me how this works."
"How?"
"Apparently it interferes with the brain's ability to process
feelings of security.Without it, you'll experience immense
fear."
"I know. It had happened once or twice, that they punished me
by withholding it." His eyes darkened with the memory.
They arrived to the ship shortly.
Obi-Wan brought him clothes. "I bought these for you. I think
they'll fit." They did. Obi-Wan remembered his body as if he
had known him all his life.
"What would you like to eat?"Obi-Wan asked.
"Bread? And fruits."
The Jedi produced the food first. "You know how to use the food
synth?"
"No."
"Let me show you. It can make a fair approximation of any
food."
They ate together in silence.
Obi-Wan wondered how natural it felt, to sit at the small table
and eat with Qui-Gon. Some species believed in previous lives,
and it almost felt that somewhere, or some other time, they had
eaten many meals this way. After the meal was done. Obi-Wan
lifted off, setting the ship on auto.
"You want to make love to me now." Qui-Gon said.
"Yes. But if you prefer it, I can wait."
"No. You were right. I want it. Touch me."
They were touching. Stripping of their clothes, they explored
each other, gently first, then with a hunger that unsettled
both of them.
"You are beautiful." Qui-Gon sighed. "I don't even know your
name."
"Call me Obi-Wan. I know your name, Qui-Gon?"
"Qui-Gon Jinn."
"Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"Take me."
"Would you rather take me?"
"No. I've been taken by so many, and so brutally. I want to be
taken by you as you'd take me. Make me clean, make me whole.
Purifty me with your body."
"I love you. I've always loved you, I think we have been lovers
in many lives," Obi-Wan said, holding him tight.
"You believe in that?"
"I think I do. I was drawn to you even before I'd seen you."
"Take me. Now."
And he did. It was the most natural thing he had ever done, to
sink himself into the strong body of the other. He never said
that he had not done this before, yet he knew what to do, and
how to do it. He worshipped him with his mouth, his hands, and
lay back on the bed, to allow him to do the same. "I'm yours,
body and soul, Qui-Gon."
"How do I ever deserve you?"
"You already did."
Qui-Gon's mouth descended on him, and they kissed, never
wanting to stop.
Obi-Wan stood calmly in the Jedi Council's chamber. "I ask the
council, that I can take Qui-Gon Jinn as my Padawan learner."
"He is too old, far too old to begin the training. Obi-Wan."
Master Yoda said.
"I train him without the Council's permission, if necessary. It
has to be done, Master Yoda." Obi-Wan was adamant.
"No, you can't ,he's set in his ways, he'll never be a Jedi."
"He is already a Jedi. No one could go through what he had gone
through without the utmost willpower. What training he requires
is merely some techniques that will help him." Kenobi stated.
"In his own way, he is a Master. He had faced trials harder
than you can imagine."
"You are not even ready to take a Padawan."
"My Master told me I'm ready. But if you don't approve,
I'llstill do it. So be it, Master Yoda. I take him, anyway."
"Much defiance in you, Obi-Wan. His future is uncertain. Much
danger I sense in him."
"I know. There is a danger. But I'm ready to face it."
"Approve I do not. Your decision I can't change. For now, leave
with him Obi-Wan. Return when you think you should."
They left.
"Obi-Wan, I don't want to cause any trouble." Qui-Gon said.
"You don't. They are a little too rigid. But they'll come to
see things my way, when we return."
"Where are we going?"
"I don't care. Somewhere where I can try to wean you from the
drug. I tried to check on what we need to do but no one ever
did a serious research on it. There are no medical records of
recovery, because no one tried. Not because it can't be done, I
think, But because it was taken granted that it can't. Found a
few cases with similar substances. This can take a year or
more. We are going to do it. I don't know if we should do it at
once or gradually."
"You and I alone?"
"I told you, you are not going to kill me."
Even your Master Yoda thought I will."
"Let me repeat it. Trust me. I'm a Jedi. I can take care of
myself. And I'll take care of you."
"Now that the transmitter is out, you can just leave me alone
somewhere, and come back later to see if I'm free of the drug."
"Great idea. To leave you alone in a state, when you are likely
to get yourself killed? Who's going to take care of you while
you are out of your mind?" Obi-Wan laughed. "I'm not giving you
up. I'm ready to face the trials." He laughed again, pulling
Qui-Gon down to himself, kissing him hard.
"Obi-Wan, this is not going to be a loving experience. I know
what I'll do. I'll do everything to force you to give me my
dose. I'll beg. I'll hit you. You will not like me then."
"I'll not like the drug or those who gave it to you. But you
have nothing to do with that. Believe me you can't do anything
that'd make me see you any differently as I see you now. And
just before you think me an utter fool, I let you know that I
brought your manacles with me. You will allow me to chain you,
if you don't want to kill me, it's better that you are chained
for a while. Besides, there are healing techniques. What the
drug had done was to incapacitate your own ability not to feel
fear. It is much like a physical injury. In my opinion, it's
not an addiction. A man who's paralyzed is not addicted to his
wheelchair. Imagine the situation this way. They paralyzed a
part of your brain, and replaced it's function with this. We
have to heal you, not to wean you."
"You are a very wise man, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon saw the logic
behind it, yet he was afraid of what might come.
"At least one of us is not afraid, " the Jedi said
"You will be. I know."
"So be it, my Padawan." The word was sweet in his mouth, and
felt right.
Obi-Wan sat on the ground in front of the small cabin. They had
spent the last three months in the high mountains of Alderaan.
He was near to giving up. He thought he'd kill me? I'm
killing him, he thought. The utter wreck of a man who
Qui-Gon had become shrieked in his chains.
First he raged, accusing the Jedi of buying him for the sole
purpose of watching him suffer. Then, when he deteriorated even
more, he begged. Even that was better than what he was now.
Little more than a frightened animal, he whimpered,[trying to
hide.
Sometimes Obi-Wan tried to comfort him, only to send him in a
frenzied state of terror, with the gentlest touch. Feeding him
was almost impossible now. He had to administer him nutrishots,
to keep him alive. He healed him daily, but couldn't tell if it
did much good. Millions of nerve cells were paralyzed in his
brain, and Obi-Wan thought, what if he can heal ten of them a
day, and no more. Qui-Gon will be dead before it's done. No one
can live long in this state.
The young Jedi was very much alone now. He missed the man
Qui-Gon had been, when they made love, when they talked. I'm
destroying him, why not be happy with the ten years he can
live? We could have ten beautiful years, he thought. Then
he kept telling himself that he couldn't give up. Ten years,
instead of till the end of his natural lifespan. Not enough. He
imagined the day when Qui-Gon looked at him knowing that he was
healed. That day would come.
A constant rasping noise jolted him out of his thoughts. He
looked into the cabin. Qui-Gon was working on his chains,
rubbing them against each other, trying to wear the metal down.
He looked up at the Jedi and instead of fear, there was a sharp
animal cunning in his eyes. "Soon," he said. "I'll be free of
these chains, and I kill you, then I'll get my dose. You will
not torment me any longer."
"Who am I?" the young man asked.
"Your name is Obi-Wan, that much I know."
"Qui-Gon, I think you are getting better. You don't try to hide
from me."
"What do you mean, I'm getting better? There's nothing wrong
with me, that my dose cannot fix."
"I don't have any of that drug with me."
"You lie! I know you do. I sense your lies!"
The Jedi knew that they had arrived to a turning point. He had
to make a decision. Qui-Gon was still driven by his need for
the drug, but the lack of it did not make him terrorized. He
was aggressive, not cowed. This was progress, albeit a
dangerous kind. It was time to face it. But if he allowed
Qui-Gon to get to the drug, they'd be back at where they
started. He had brought some of it, in case nothing would work.
He regretted it now. It had been a defeatist gesture, and now
he was going to pay for it.
"Let me bring you food first, " he said. "Then I'll set you
free."
"It's about time to bring me food. I'm starved."
Obi-Wan felt like laughing. Qui-Gon was actually asking for
food, first time since they got here. Asking, no not asking
demanding. He brought a tray of bread and fruits, as Qui-Gon
seemed to prefer those to anything else he had offered.
Watching him eat, Obi-Wan felt hope. He left him with his meal,
and went to the chest were he kept the small capsules of the
extract. He ignited his saber and destroyed them all.
Then he went back to Qui-Gon and unlocked his manacles.
He expected to be attacked. But he was not ready for the
strength of it. He was savagely beaten. He felt the bone in his
left forearm snap.
"Now, get up and bring me my dose, Jedi." The word was a curse.
He got to his feet, with difficulty. He went out, and took his
time to pour water in a cup. He staggered back and gave it to
Qui-Gon. He allowed his pain to be projected, hoping that it'll
camouflage his lie. "Here, take it and be damned."
Qui Gon drank it. "Much better." He said. "You'll give it to me
from now on, or I'll beat you worse."
Obi-Wan sighed. This had better work, he thought, setting his
broken arm between two pieces of wood. He felt triumphant,
despite the pain. Qui-Gon didn't really need the drug anymore.
The illusion of it was enough. But for how long, he didn't
know. It was clear that Qui-Gon was healing.
From that day on, Qui-Gon ate well, and took the cup of water
without ever realizing that it contained no drug.
Obi-Wan had hoped for a moment when the love between them would
return. It didn't happen. He was alone. Qui-Gon showed no
interest in him at all, except as a source of food and what he
thought was the drug. Weeks turned into months, and nothing
changed except the color of the leaves on the trees.
It was dawn in the morning. The sun rose above the forested
hills. Qui-Gon awoke. He had fallen asleep outside on the grass
the previous evening. He didn't know where he was, and why he
was there. He touched his own face and felt that he had a
beard. In a distance, a young man was doing exercises, he was
familiar, as if he had seen him before. Wearing nothing but a
small piece of underwear, the young man, obviously a warrior of
some sort, moved with fluid grace, his movements were like a
dance of power and strength.
Qui-Gon had a vague feeling that he ought to know his name. He
remembered the hands of this man touching him. The memory was
veiled in uncertainty. I don't know who I am, he
thought. I know my name but it means nothing. Obi-Wan
Kenobi? That's not my name, that's his name. Take me, make me
clean, make me whole, purify me with your body. The thought
came to him, it was something he had said. And then he was
held, he was taken. And more, he was loved, and he had love to
give. What had happened? Where have I gone? Another
memory came, the beating he had given, the killing rage. I
loved him and then hated him? And more pictures emerged,
remembering being chained in the cabin, hiding in the corner,
fearing the very same young man who entered. Fearing him so
much that he wanted to melt into the floor. What are we, who
are we?
Obi-Wan turned and walked toward him.
"You are back," he said
"I don't know who we are." Qui-Gon answered, with painful
confusion in his eyes.
"Let me show you.."
With the caresses of the strong hands, came comfort, and peace.
With the touch of the warm lips, came trust and togetherness.
With the weight of the young body on him, came the knowledge of
belonging. With the first kiss he dared to give, came hope.
With the wave of pleasure, came the memories of a thousand
lifetimes they had spent together. What are we, that we know
this belonging, are we really living a thousand lives repeated
over and over?
I think so,came the thought to him. And now, we are together
again. In this part of forever, my Padawan.. No matter where
and when, we'll always find each other. And where you lay down,
that's my bed and always will be. And then, he could believe it
too. He who was alone, and hopeless,would never be alone again.
In a thousand lifetimes before, and thousands yet to come, it
was and will be, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, master and apprentice.
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