Master Apprentice
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Archive: MA
Rating: PG
Pairing: Q/O
Category: Angst, AU
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Bring it on
Disclaimer: We all know who the boys really belong to, but trying to convince my brain has proven more than a little difficult. And there's certainly no money swelling my bank account.
Note: This ficlet is actually the first original piece I ever wrote, almost two years ago when I first decided to try my hand. And it would still be sitting on my hard-drive collecting static if Jedi Rita hadn't seen it and thought it had potential. Many thanks to her and to Emma Grant for the beta and encouragement. Of course I couldn't leave well enough alone so I take full responsibility for any errors.
Summary: Obi-Wan confronts his former master with a discovery or is it just wishful thinking?
"You lied to me," Obi-Wan spoke quietly as he entered his former master's room in the healer's ward. The older man had, after all, almost died on Naboo and was still a long way from full recovery. Obi-Wan, newly knighted, had a shuttle waiting to take him on his first solo mission but felt strongly that this needed to be resolved before his departure.
Qui-Gon looked confused. "I have never lied to you."
"A lie of omission then, Master; no less dishonest."
"And what is this lie of omission?"
"When I told you I was in love with you, your response left out the fact that you were in love with me too."
Qui-Gon remembered all too well the discussion his former padawan was referring to. It had taken place several years earlier, when Obi-Wan had reached the legal age to approach his master with his feelings. Obi-Wan had waited, as appropriate, but it had apparently never occurred to him that his master would not return his love. Obi-Wan had been so sure they felt the same way. "Why?" he had asked. "I know you care for me more than you have ever cared for anyone."
"I do, Obi-Wan, never doubt that. You are the most important person in my life, but what you want is not something I can give. My responsibility is to train you to knighthood. I owe you nothing less."
"And nothing more?" Obi-Wan challenged.
"I will not jeopardize this for you, Padawan."
"I understand," Obi-Wan muttered, though he didn't. Struggling not to lose control of his emotions Obi-Wan determinedly refused to look away from the man he loved. "Tell me, Master, if I wasn't your padawan, if I was just another man, could there be something between us?"
"Obi-Wan, I cannot live in What Ifs. I deal with realities, as should you. To start second guessing and speculating can only distract us from our duties."
Qui-Gon broke off from his memories and looked at the young man before him. "Obi-Wan, I tell you again what I told you then. Your feelings are true and nothing to be ashamed of, but nothing will come of them."
Rising to leave, Obi-Wan replied, "It's all right, Master. It's enough just to know." For Obi-Wan was certain now that Qui-Gon loved him, had loved him all along. The memory of his master's caress on his tear-stained cheek was still as vivid as if it had transpired only moments ago. A caress his master would never have bestowed had he not thought he was dying. That caress spoke to him of his master's true feelings.
Turning as he reached the door, he added, "Enough for now."
Resting deep in meditation, Qui-Gon felt the moment Obi-Wan's transport entered hyperspace. It was done, then. Obi-Wan was gone, successfully knighted and on his way to becoming one of the best of the Jedi. Qui-Gon had done his duty, should feel some measure of pride. Instead, unconsciously mimicking his gesture to Obi-Wan on Naboo, Qui-Gon traced a finger along the single tear that trickled down his cheek. A tear for what was, and what would never be.
End