What Might Have Been
by Susan Anthony (LdyGossamer@aol.com)
Pairing: Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon
Archive: Master_Apprentice and anyone else, just ask
Category: AU, Romance, Drama, Angst, Songfic
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Some for ANH and TPM
Summary: What might have been if things had turned out
differently for Obi-Wan.
Feedback: Very welcome.
Notes: MUCH thanks to Maig for her superior beta! Without her
and her evil anthill posse, this fic would not have made it to
the list.
More Notes: Originally, a bit inspired by Mrs Hamill's story
"Reflections on a Page of Life Never Known" and also inspired
by a song called "What Might Have Been" which follows at the
end of the story.
Warnings: M/M relationship. Also somewhat mushy. Please don't
read if either of these things squick you.
Ben Kenobi stared out at the suns he'd watched set for sixteen
years and felt the pure ache of loneliness in his soul. It was
a familiar ache, one he'd carried for so many years that he
couldn't easily remember a time when he didn't feel its weight.
He knew there had been a time when he'd felt contentment, when
he'd felt happiness, but that time was long past. And he'd
wandered far since then.
The old man turned from the fading light outside his door and
moved into the marginally cooler shadows of his home. More
restless than usual, he wandered the small rooms, spaces
unfamiliar to him though he had walked the floors for almost
two decades. From living area to kitchen, kitchen to bedroom,
bedroom to living area, a short route but one he'd walked a
thousand times in search of a place to rest.
And as always, the only spot where he could find any comfort
was on the worn meditation mat he'd kept since he was a
padawan. Somehow, he'd always managed to bring along this one
thing that connected him to the time before his life became so
barren. It connected him to an unmatched time of contentment
and unquestioned love...to his beloved master.
Ben knelt on the mat, his hands settling on his knees. This was
as close as he could come to the time before but even as he
tried to quiet his mind, he could still feel the restlessness
stirring in his soul. Slowly, he made himself relax, his senses
expanding around his little home and then outward, looking for
dangers and finding nothing but a slight anticipation
skittering through the Force. Ben tried to focus on the
feeling, wondering what might be coming, but the impression of
the future slipped away and he let it go. If he'd learned
anything over the past decades of communing with the Force,
he'd learned it was a capricious thing and chasing after
impressions was the best way to push them away.
So, the old Jedi let his mind wander where it would, allowing
his thoughts come randomly. After a time, one such random
thought appeared in his meditation and slowly, gently Ben began
to focus on it. Usually this particular thought stayed quiet
and close to his heart and he didn't want to push it away.
Sometimes, when the restlessness was almost overwhelming, the
Force would allow him visions of the past or the future. He
never reached for them, sometimes he didn't even want to see
them. But he never drew back from such a vision. Inevitably,
they were his only solace in these dark times. They were
glimpses only, thank the stars, for he didn't think he could
take more than that. But they were glimpses that Ben treasured
in his deepest soul.
They were not visions of what had come to pass in his lifetime
for those images he knew well enough and didn't care to see
them again. But sometimes the Force allowed him to see what
might have been had his master not been killed by the Sith
Apprentice at Naboo. And it seemed this night would be one of
those times.
Gently, the vision unfolded itself before Ben and he found
himself looking out the window of his suite in Theed Palace.
Obi-Wan had always thought the sunsets on Naboo were beautiful
in a way he'd seen on no other planet, almost a window to the
soul of this peaceful place. The Force was so very strong here
that the knight hardly had to concentrate to feel it flowing
around him, flowing between him and every living creature,
between him and the tall Jedi Master silently walking up behind
him.
He turned his head for a gentle kiss just as Qui-Gon laid his
hands on the younger man's shoulders. A moment of silent
communion, a gentle press of lips and touch of velvet before
Qui-Gon wound his arms around his life mate with a sigh of deep
contentment.
"A girl?" Obi-Wan asked as his eyes returned to the darkening
sky. He leaned back against his former master, a feeling of
complete happiness flowing over him.
"As you knew it would be," Qui-Gon said with a smile. "Amidala
rests comfortably and the twins are about as excited as can
be." He grinned for a moment as he remembered three year old
Luke and Leia carefully climbing on the bed beside their weary
yet joyful mother, scandalizing the royal physicians in the
process and looking over their new sibling carefully.
"And Anakin?" the younger man asked, looking curiously up at
his mate. The older master just started chuckling.
"I didn't think it would be possible for him to be any worse
than he was when the twins were born. I was wrong."
Obi-Wan gave his master a surprised look. "What could be worse
than the last time?"
Qui-Gon didn't get a chance to answer before the door to their
suite burst open without a knock and the topic of their
conversation walked in without waiting, striding into the room
with a joyful and enthusiastic expression on his face. A moment
later, he was followed by his long-suffering young padawan, who
struggled under the weight of a huge box filled with flowers.
"A girl!" Anakin burst out as he paced up to his masters and
hugged them. "A perfect little girl, probably the most perfect
little girl ever born on Naboo!" The knight stopped a moment
and then looked thoughtful. "Probably in the whole galaxy, with
the exception of Amidala and Leia, of course."
"Of course," Qui-Gon agreed gravely.
"And to celebrate her birth..." Anakin began and then looked
around. "Han, where are you?"
"Here master," came wearily from just behind him and Anakin
turned with a beaming smile to snatch two of the ethereal white
flowers from the box his padawan was holding.
"Athelia flowers, my masters, to celebrate Padme's arrival," he
said grandly and presented the delicate blossoms to the two
Jedi. They both accepted the flowers as Han rolled his dark
eyes.
"Padme?" Qui-Gon asked, as he sniffed the blossom gently,
hiding his smile and barely restraining the chuckles he was
holding in. It wasn't nice to laugh at one's former padawans.
//Since when?// came the quick mental question as Obi-Wan
raised his eyebrow.
"Padmé Naberrie Skywalker," Anakin sighed with a glazed
expression. "The most perfect..."
"...little girl ever born on Naboo," Obi-Wan continued.
"Probably in the whole galaxy, with the exception of Amidala
and Leia, of course," Qui-Gon pointed out gravely.
"Of course," his life mate agreed.
Anakin beamed at his masters' obvious grasp of the situation.
Behind him, Han snickered.
"Well, come along, Han," Anakin said happily as he started
towards the door. "We've a few more people to tell about Padme.
I hope we have enough flowers."
The young padawan sighed, sending a pleading look to his
master's masters. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon gave him sympathetic
looks but said nothing, knowing a padawan's life was a harsh
one. Sighing again, Han shrugged philosophically before he
followed his master back out the doorway.
Behind them, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon waited until the door shut
before they allowed their laughter to break.
"You're right," Obi-Wan said. "He is worse."
"Poor Han," the older man said as he drew Obi-Wan away from the
windows. He led his mate to one of the many couches in the room
and settled them both on it.
"Poor Han?" Obi-Wan snorted in disbelief. "Poor Han nothing.
The boy is a walking trouble magnet. I'm more of the opinion
that it should be poor Anakin."
"I think perhaps you're biased against the boy," Qui-Gon noted
as he ran his fingers through Obi-Wan's long, thick hair. "Just
because he accidentally..."
"Accidentally?" His bondmate snorted again.
"...seared a hole in one of your robes..."
"One of my favorite robes!"
"...with your own lightsaber..."
"My OWN lightsaber no less!"
"...then he took apart said lightsaber..."
"And left it in pieces!" Obi-Wan pouted as he pondered the
little padawanian menace. "Why couldn't he take apart his OWN
master's lightsaber?"
"Hummm, perhaps you're right," Qui-Gon replied as he nuzzled
the soft skin right behind his mate's ear. "Han is rather like
a padawan I had at one time."
Obi-wan turned in his Qui-Gon's embrace, his eyes narrowing.
"You'd better be talking about Xanatos," he growled in a low
tone even as he was pushing back his lover's robes and
caressing the warm skin beneath.
"Of course," Qui-Gon said with a perfectly straight face as his
mate pulled him closer. He wasn't going to argue at this point.
Qui-Gon hadn't been a Jedi Master for forty years without
acquiring some wisdom along the way.
Ben breathed in deeply as he briefly surfaced from the vision
still bright before his eyes. The deep, rich scent of Theed
palace filled his senses and the memory of the moist coolness
from the nearby waterfalls soothed the heat from his skin.
Theed had been a recurring theme in these visions but he'd
never seen it in such detail. He almost let go of his
meditations. These visions almost seemed like memories and the
Jedi could already feel the ache in his throat at what he'd
lost. Before he could pull himself away, however, another
vision slid across his mind, pulling Ben deeper into the
meditation.
//Padawan//
//I see them, master,// came the swift reply. Obi-Wan nodded to
himself, knowing Luke was already making his way to his
master's side.
//They seem to be upset about something,// Obi-Wan noted as the
young padawan joined him in the shadows of the rooftop. Luke
sighed inwardly at his master's bland mental tone.
//I would guess it has something to do with blowing up their
clone tanks, Master,// he replied as the pair of Jedi surveyed
the open area between them and their only transport off this
rock. It was swarming with stormtroopers and their frantically
screaming officers. There wasn't much of the vaunted Imperial
control to be found in the open courtyards. //They get so upset
over that kind of thing.//
//Indeed,// Obi-Wan replied and Luke had to restrain a chuckle
at his master's response. He sounded so much like Qui-Gon when
he said that. Clearly, hearing the young man's thought, the
older Jedi glanced at his apprentice and gave him a brief
smile.
Before he could respond, however, another two shadows darted
across the rooftop and joined them. The taller of the pair
settled down next to Obi-Wan as the other shadow plopped down
next to Luke with a grin.
"Kenobi, I didn't think you had such a flair for the dramatic,"
the taller man said flatly as he flipped back his hood. His
long black hair, while still tied back, was looking a bit
ragged and his dark eyes glared. "I'd appreciate a warning next
time, if you wouldn't mind."
"I wouldn't want to get predictable, Xanatos," Obi-Wan
responded with an innocent smile.
The other master snorted as he glanced down at the swarm of
troopers. "I'm sure you'll be glad to learn that Leia and I
managed to get the information we were looking for *before*
your little explosion," he noted as he mentally counted the
number of men in the open courtyard. "I suppose we'll have to
go through them to get to the hanger," he growled in a
distinctly putout tone. "How inconvenient."
"Unfortunately, that is my assessment as well," Obi-Wan
returned, pulling out his saber. Xanatos gave Obi-Wan a long
look.
"I don't think we'll mention this one to Amidala, do you?" he
noted calmly as he glanced towards his padawan. Leia grinned at
her rather somber master and then looked at her brother. Luke
wore a similar expression of excitement as he fingered the hilt
of his lightsaber.
"You read my mind, Xan," Obi-Wan responded.
The four Jedi waited a moment longer and then disappeared over
the roof and into the shadows.
A deep sigh echoed through the small hut as Ben's hands slowly
fisted in his thighs. The Jedi struggled with himself as the
moment hung there before him. It would be his choice to
continue into the visions this time. Did he want to see more?
No. He didn't wish to see anything else that he had lost in
that dark moment on Naboo. But he couldn't help himself.
Settling deeper into the meditation, the soothing scents of
Naboo filled his senses again.
The new council chamber was a bit larger than the old one
Obi-Wan thought idly as he moved to take his seat next to
Qui-Gon. In the year since its completion, the Jedi Master was
still unused to the difference though he'd never spent much
time in the previous council chamber. Since the destruction of
the temple on Coruscant, however, and the deaths of almost the
entire Council, it seemed all he did was spend time locked in a
Council chamber somewhere.
Obi-Wan sighed as he ran his hand through his hair and watched
the rest of the Council take their seats. Beside him, Qui-Gon
gave him a curious glance.
//Just tired, beloved,// Obi-Wan assured him.
//This will be the last session this month, my Obi-Wan,// the
older master responded as he reached out to touch his former
padawan's cheek gently. //Then we can sneak off somewhere and
spend some time alone.//
Obi-Wan's lips quirked just a bit. //Somewhere with a huge
fluffy bed and lots of chocolate?// he asked hopefully. Qui-Gon
leaned back into his chair with a half-smile and eyed his mate.
//If I have anything to do with it, there will be,// came the
low response. //And tanasean cream berries.//
The younger man grinned suddenly and would have responded in
kind but for the clearing throat across the room. Obi-Wan
glanced up, caught Anakin's raised brows and blushed. He
quickly stomped down the flush and gave his former student a
scowl he kept in reserve for just such 'need-to-save-face'
occasions. In his mind, Obi-Wan heard Qui-Gon's chuckles.
"If we're all ready to begin?" Anakin said, trying not to smirk
at his master. "Our first order of business is the confirmation
of the open Council seat..."
Obi-Wan leaned back as he watched his student direct the
Council agenda. Anakin had been the natural choice to lead the
new Council since he'd unofficially been leading the Jedi in
the years since the destruction of the temple. The deaths of
most on the Council had blindsided the Order, leaving it
reeling in the aftermath and open to the machinations of the
Sith.
Anakin, however, was not willing to go down without a fight.
Knights and masters alike had been willing to follow him
through the battles and horror of the Clone Wars and further,
into the attempt to overthrow the Republic that had followed.
The past two decades had been hard on the Jedi Order but Anakin
had never faltered despite great personal losses. Under his
leadership, the Jedi had emerged from the ruins of the
destroyed Temple as a stronger, more flexible Order.
//He certainly brought change,// Qui-Gon said quietly into his
lifemate's mind. //Whether we wanted it or not.//
//Balance perhaps?// Obi-Wan questioned, his expression
neutral.
//Perhaps,// murmured the elder master. //That remains to be
seen.// Obi-Wan heard a sigh in his mind. //Force willing,
we'll be around to see it.// The younger master gave his
teacher a quick, concerned look and Qui-Gon gave him a
reassuring smile. //You are not the only one who is tired,
beloved.//
Obi-Wan nodded slowly and turned his attention to the rest of
the meeting. The choices for the open seat on the council were
discussed thoroughly and a vote taken. Anakin was not one to
let issues linger and he rarely allowed meetings to end with
open issues unless it was absolutely necessary. Thus, when the
meeting was concluded, three councilors left to speak with the
Jedi chosen to take the seat while the rest left quietly on
their own errands.
Obi-Wan, however, wandered to the large window looking out over
the densely forested world of Naboo. The sun was setting and
the sky was slowly darkening over the horizon. As always, the
Jedi master found great peace and comfort in the beauty of the
sunset.
A moment later, he felt his life mate's hands fall onto his
shoulders as they had a thousand times before and Obi-Wan
leaned back into Qui-Gon's warmth. The taller Jedi wrapped his
arms around his beloved and sighed into his hair.
"Is it time for us to go, Qui-Gon?" Obi-Wan asked quietly, his
eyes watching the colors of the sky blend into the coming
night. Absently, the younger Jedi twined his fingers around a
long strand of his gray-brown hair where his padawan braid used
to hang forty years before.
"As you once told me, beloved, we have many more decades
between us," came the murmured reply along with a light kiss on
his temple. "I think we can spend a few more years here."
Qui-Gon balanced his chin on Obi-Wan's shoulder. "But not too
many. There are things I wish to do before the Force welcomes
us in."
The shorter man chuckled softly. "Anakin would not thank us for
leaving two council seats open when he just got them all
filled." Obi-Wan curled his fingers around the large hands at
his waist. He grinned briefly. "Perhaps we just need a change,
lover," he said, his voice filling with mischief. "Perhaps we
need a new padawan." Qui-Gon snapped out an oath he kept for
his favorite occasions and stepped back. Obi-Wan grinned
wickedly at him over his shoulder. "You don't agree?"
The older Jedi stared at him, his eyes narrowed. "You have
someone in mind?" he replied with a question.
"Perhaps," Obi-Wan responded absently and quickly shielded his
possible choice from Qui-Gon's probing thoughts. "We can talk
about it later." He gave his mate an impish grin. "After
chocolate and tanasean cream berries." He reached out for the
older master's hand and drew him forward until Obi-Wan laid his
head on Qui-Gon's chest. Automatically, Qui-Gon's hand reached
up to caress his mate's cheek and Obi-Wan sighed deeply,
completely content and happy, aware again of how very lucky he
was and how very much he loved Qui-Gon Jinn.
The deep contentment snapped into a sharp, aching regret that
was unbearably painful as Ben finally surfaced from his deep
trance. He swallowed against unfamiliar tears as he struggled
to bring himself into focus. After his visions and his
contentment in Qui-Gon's arms, he was brutally assaulted by the
rising heat of the desert and the deep, near overwhelming
pressure of his loneliness.
Tatooine. He was alone on Tatooine, weary after years of
watching over young Luke. Who was not his padawan and never
would be.
The old Jedi stood, running his hands through his short hair,
surprised for a moment that it was not longer. He so clearly
remembered having long, thick hair. Qui-Gon loved running his
fingers through it...
No! Qui-Gon was long dead and he was here, alone. Always alone.
Ben breathed in deeply, waiting for his mind to come fully into
the present, reluctantly letting go of the moments he'd
envisioned in his meditations. Slowly, he walked to the open
window of his hut and watched as Tatooine's twin suns rose over
the endless white and brown of the desert.
The old man stared across the desert into the rising brightness
and the keen bitterness he'd never before allowed himself
surged inside him. He would not be doing this again. Never had
he felt such anguish after his meditations. Before, there had
only been tantalizing glimpses that had given him momentary
relief from his loneliness. These visions went far beyond that.
They felt like memories, piercing in their detail, and Ben
ached for them to have been real. Now he truly realized what he
had lost as he never had before.
Ben stood at the window a long time, trying to push the visions
away even as he replayed them over and over in his mind's eye.
Slowly, however, the realization leaked into his consciousness
that there was something far more real he should be paying
attention to.
"Be mindful of the present..." he murmured to himself for the
penultimate time as he finally pushed away the bright images
and opened his mind. He was surprised to find a familiar
presence making its way in the general direction of his home. A
presence he'd felt in his false visions but now real and very
determined. Luke Skywalker.
The Jedi tilted his head for a moment and then forced himself
to release all the feelings of anger and bitterness that
remained after his meditations. He should be concentrating on
the present and the future rather than wishing on what might
have been.
Opening himself completely to the Force, Ben finally touched
that skittish anticipation from last night and he let out a
deep sigh, a mixture of relief and acceptance. After decades of
pain and loss, his time of waiting was over. With a final
glance out the window of the hut where he'd exiled himself, Ben
Kenobi grabbed his cloak and went to meet what remained of his
destiny.
Four years later
Obi-Wan stood beside the flickering images of Yoda and Anakin
as the trio of ghostly Jedi watched the celebrations on Endor.
Luke gave them a final smile before he returned to his friends
and the reality of trying to rebuild the republic.
Obi-Wan knew it was time to let go at last. He thought that a
very good thing. If Luke ever *had* been his padawan, Obi-Wan
just knew one of them would not have survived the boy's
apprenticeship. The old Jedi couldn't count the number of times
during the past four years that Luke had caused him to come
close to heart failure despite the fact that he was already
dead.
With a sigh, the Jedi Knight closed his eyes and released his
hold on reality. A moment later, the noise of the celebrations
faded as the three Jedi moved to a different place.
Where they arrived felt deeply familiar, almost an intimate
place. The Force swirled around them and yet they stood upon
it, within it, enveloped by that which they had devoted their
lives to. Obi-Wan and Yoda had had some time to accustom
themselves to the feeling of being one with the Force but
Anakin looked a bit wild eyed about the whole situation. To
make matters more confusing, Anakin found he no longer
resembled the father figure Luke had known so briefly. Instead,
his image was now that of the radiant young man he remembered
being just after Obi-Wan had cut off his padawan braid, a newly
made Jedi Knight.
Instinctively, Anakin looked to his master for guidance, a
Knight again but one with an expression of immeasurable pain in
those blue eyes. He fell to his knees before his master, his
voice holding all the pain he felt inside.
"Master, forgive me," he whispered, forcing the anguished words
out as he bowed his head. "I betrayed you, I destroyed the
Jedi!"
"Anakin..." Obi-Wan began, not knowing what to say but reaching
out to touch the young man's hair. The knight flinched away.
"Why am I here?" he cried. "I don't deserve to be here!"
Stepping forward, Obi-Wan gripped the younger man's shoulder.
"Anakin, if you were not meant to be here, you would not be
here," he said without a doubt in his tone.
"Had to happen, it did," Yoda said as he stepped up to Anakin
and touched his arm gently. "Jedi had to change. Too set, they
had become, too hard, too far away from the living Force."
"But I destroyed the Order, Master Yoda," came the hoarse
reply.
"And your son will rebuild it," Obi-Wan said firmly as he
pulled the knight to his feet. He looked up into Anakin's eyes.
"You may have almost destroyed the Jedi, Anakin, but you also
restored them by saving Luke. And yourself."
The tall knight looked at his master with a gaze that wanted to
believe but was too haunted by the past. The pain and
destruction his actions had caused could not merely be
forgotten. "But, Master..."
"My padawan," his master interrupted softly. "Live in this
moment. There will be time later for regrets and redemption."
"I..." Anakin sighed at his master's familiar stubborn look and
then bowed his head again. "Yes, master," he finally said, his
tone completely unconvinced. But after a moment, he glanced up
again, curiosity in his eyes that Obi-Wan had long missed.
"What happens now? I never expected to find myself here."
The older master had no answer and he looked down at Yoda with
the same question in his eyes. For so long Obi-Wan had been
driven down the road of his destiny whether he wanted to go or
not. Even after his death, he'd been surprised to find he had
more to do. Now his destiny was complete and he wasn't sure
what happened next. In his heart, he'd hoped that Qui-Gon would
be waiting to welcome him here at last but Obi-Wan didn't feel
his master's presence. In the four years since his death, never
once had he sensed the Jedi Master's presence within the Force
though he'd searched intently. It was a source of great anguish
that he couldn't find the other part of his soul even here.
"Master Yoda?" he asked softly as he knelt down beside the
small Jedi who now sat on a log with his gimer stick close at
hand. He seemed much younger than Obi-Wan ever remembered
seeing him. The little master glanced up, his eyes bright as he
met Obi-Wan's gaze. "Is there someplace we should go now?"
Obi-Wan reached up absently to twine his fingers around a
strand of long hair that flowed over his shoulder where his
padawan braid used to be.
"Someplace, there is," the master said, his voice strong,
almost smug. "We are one with the Force. Anyplace there is to
go, we can go. Anything we wish to do, we can do." The little
green Jedi smiled ever so slightly. "A nap, I'm going to have.
A few centuries I think."
Anakin dropped to his knees beside his former master and
Obi-Wan glanced sideways at his student. "A nap, Master Yoda?"
Anakin asked, his voice expressing his disbelief. Yoda popped
him on the knee with his gimer stick and the young knight
yelped in surprise.
"When 900 years you live, a nap you too will need," Yoda said
in a testy tone. "Tired am I, young knight. A nap I need, then
things to do."
"What things, master?" Obi-Wan asked, feeling restless. Wasn't
he supposed to feel peaceful when he was completely one with
the Force? At times like these, he sorely missed his meditation
mat. "What should we be doing?"
Yoda gave them both a long look. "Padawans are you, that you
need such direction?" he asked archly and then snorted before
they could reply. "Becoming one with the Force is never as
expected," he sighed as he rearranged himself on his log. "My
nap, I shall put off for this."
"We'd appreciate it, master," Obi-Wan said, his eyes gleaming
at Yoda's cranky tone. The small master merely sniffed.
"For Anakin, peace requires redemption, yes?"
The knight bowed his head again. "Yes, master."
"And for Obi-Wan, peace requires..."
"Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan responded automatically, the vision from his
last meditation on Tatooine rising in his eyes. He yearned for
the contentment and love of that moment even if he knew that
moment had never really happened.
"Waits for you, he does," Yoda said, poking Obi-Wan with his
stick.
"Where?" Obi-Wan asked bluntly.
"Waits for Anakin, as well," the little master continued.
"I couldn't face him!" the young knight burst out.
"Face him, you will." Yoda pushed himself up from his log. He
turned and gave it an accusatory look. "Need a more comfortable
log, I do."
"Master, please!" Obi-Wan begged. "Where is Qui-Gon?"
Yoda turned back to them in surprise. "Still here, are you?" He
waved his stick at the pair. "Go! Find your peace."
"Where?"
"Go find him, Obi-Wan," Yoda said gently. "Take Anakin. Seen,
you have, where you wish to go. Go find what might have been."
"What might have been?" Obi-Wan repeated stupidly. "But Master
Yoda, how..."
The little master began to walk away and the mists of his
swamps curled around him. "When finished you are, come back.
Finished with my nap I will be by then. Bored I shall be.
Forward we will go. Things we'll have to do." Yoda glanced back
once and waved his stick at them. "Forget not to bring Qui-Gon
when return you do," he called back before he completely faded
into the misty light. Obi-Wan stared after him.
"I don't know about you, Master Obi-Wan sir, but I never did
understand half of what he said when he was alive," Anakin
stated in a grumpy tone. "Now it seems to have gotten worse.
Maybe he fell off his log onto his head."
Obi-Wan fought off a grin at the plaintive tone and turned to
his companion. He was surprised to find Anakin now the image of
the eight-year-old he and Qui-Gon had first rescued from
Tatooine. He stared at the boy. Who stared back at him.
"Master Obi-Wan sir?" Anakin said curiously. His eyes were
bright with longing. "Do you suppose Padme...I mean Amidala
will be with Master Qui-Gon? I've really missed her."
"I don't know, Anakin," Obi-Wan answered as he stepped forward.
"Why don't we go see?" Gently, he laid his hand on the boy's
shoulder. The boy beamed up at him in complete trust and
Obi-Wan was struck by how familiar the expression was despite
the fact that it had been more than thirty years since he'd
last seen his padawan so.
And the Force moved around the pair before they, too, faded
into the light.
Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi stared down into the pit as the two
pieces of the Sith Lord he had just cut in half disappeared. A
moment later, he stiffened and felt his world crumble as
awareness of where he was flared into his mind like a nova.
No. NO! This couldn't be! He didn't want this to be happening
again!
The young man stared down the shaft, holding the shining green
blade of his beloved master. He didn't want to turn around and
see the bloody, still form of Qui-Gon again, hear his last
words, feel his last touch. He couldn't make himself do it.
Better to follow the Sith down into the darkness before him
than face the pain that waited behind him.
"Obi-Wan?"
Despite himself, the padawan turned to that beloved,
yearned-for voice, stronger than expected and closer. Qui-Gon
was indeed sprawled on the floor but he was hardly close to
death. He was struggling to stand and staring at Obi-Wan as if
he were the last water in a desert spring.
//Obi-Wan!// The name sang through the training bond Obi-Wan
had thought long gone, stunning the padawan with its strength.
Then Qui-Gon was up and stumbling towards his apprentice.
Obi-Wan barely had time to switch off his master's lightsaber
before he found himself pulled into a fierce embrace.
"Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan!" the Jedi master chanted into his neck like
a mantra. "My padawan! Force, I'm so sorry!"
His own arms wrapped around his master before he even began to
think. The padawan pressed himself into that beloved form,
feeling the weary strength of the very much alive Qui-Gon in
his arms. Even then, he didn't quite believe it.
"Master?" he whispered and Qui-Gon leaned back just enough to
meet his padawan's gaze.
"Obi-Wan," the master breathed in a horrified tone. "Yoda said
you would be here but I didn't believe...." A moment later,
Obi-Wan was overwhelmed by another vision, another lifetime, of
himself slain by the Sith's red blade, leaving Qui-Gon to face
the uncertain future, a future which turned out as dark and
bleak as the one Obi-Wan had just left behind.
"But not this time, my padawan," the master murmured, his
forehead leaning against Obi-Wan's. "It will not be like that
this time. Thank the Force," he breathed, his eyes gleaming
with unshed tears. "Thank all the little gods dancing, thank
the stars, thank Yoda!"
"Thank Yoda?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice breaking on a rising
laugh.
"Yes, thank that cranky little troll, may the Force send him
sweet dreams." Obi-Wan got a quick mental impression of several
bruises that would be coloring Qui-Gon's shin from a recent
encounter with a certain diminutive Force Ghost.
Obi-Wan caught his breath. How did this happen?
And then his mind shut down on the question and his arms
tightened around his master. He didn't care how it had
happened, only that it had. And now he had a second chance.
"I love you, Qui-Gon," he said in a rush. "I never told you but
I love you! Please Force, let this be real!"
Qui-Gon cupped his padawan's face, staring as if he was
memorizing the features. "This is real, my Obi-Wan," he
whispered. Gently, he ran his fingertips along eyebrows, down
cheekbones, over the lips. Then his hands settled around his
padawan's face, meeting his eyes fiercely.
"I love you," Qui-Gon continued in a hoarse voice. "For so many
decades, I've carried you in my heart and now I have you in my
arms again." His fingers tightened briefly, intensely. "Don't
you ever leave me again, Obi-Wan!" he growled in a harsh tone.
"And if you feel you MUST leave, damn it, I'm going with you
next time!" He pulled the younger man close again and Obi-Wan
buried his face in Qui-Gon's neck. "I could never live through
losing you again."
"You won't have to," Obi-Wan whispered. "We have many more
decades between us, beloved. Years and years to be together and
make love in big fluffy beds and eat lots of chocolate and
tanasean cream berries."
Qui-Gon leaned back and looked at him in surprise. Then he
started to laugh. "You always did have a good grasp of what was
important in life, my padawan," the master said with a smile
Obi-Wan had never seen before.
His arms tightened around Qui-Gon's waist. "I do now, my
master. And I am NOT letting go."
Anakin allowed the auto-pilot to land the Naboo fighter though
he knew he was certainly capable to doing it himself. Hadn't he
just blown up the Trade Federation ship? Again? But it had been
many years since he'd even seen, much less piloted the sleek
little fighter so he waited not so patiently while the craft
was drawn into the hanger and the auto-pilot settled the ship
in its docking bay.
Moments later, the boy was jumping to the ground in the midst
of several staring pilots and guards. They had run to
congratulate the pilot who had successfully blown the
Federation ship from orbit. To find an eight-year-old boy had
done what none of them had managed was something of a shock.
Anakin remembered enjoying their awe and amazement the last
time this scene had played out. He remembered the stunned
looks, the wary glances. But now all he wanted to do was find
his master...
Oh Gods! WHY was this happening again? He'd wanted redemption
from the Force not a repeat of the events that led to his
turning to the Dark.
He took a deep, ragged breath as different images played before
his mind. In one, Anakin had returned to find a stricken
Obi-Wan barely coherent as grief flowed off him in tremendous
waves. Another vision flickered though Anakin's mind, showing a
pale, silent Qui-Gon, his blue eyes hard crystal as the master
stared at the pyre where his padawan lay burning.
Shaking the visions off violently, the boy shoved his helmet at
the closest pilot before he turned and ran. He knew the palace
like he knew the inner workings of C3P0 and that knowledge
guided him to the place where he knew his master would be.
Unknown to his master, Anakin had followed him many times when
the older Jedi would go to the spot where...who had died?
Anakin's mind screamed at him to stop as furious questions
bombarded him. Which Jedi had survived? Would they remember the
past as he remembered it? Would the survivor still want to take
him as a padawan?
That thought immediately halted the boy in his tracks before he
shook his head firmly and straightened his dirty tunic. He
forced himself to move forward. No matter who survived, Anakin
*would* be a padawan and he *would* become a Jedi. He would
understand his master's anger and grief this time and not allow
it to bend his own feelings to the dark. And he knew Palpatine
for what he was. He would make sure the Jedi survived this time
if he had to kill the Sith master himself.
Taking a deep breath, the boy moved forward again. Rounding
another corner, he practically ran into the Jedi for whom he'd
been searching. A large pair of hands steadied him and Anakin
looked up into a pair of calm blue eyes.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Anakin said in shock as another figure knelt
beside him and gripped his shoulder. Anakin turned to find
Obi-Wan's green gaze watching him. "Master Obi-Wan!"
"Anakin," the padawan replied. "We were just coming to find
you."
The boy's eyes were wide as his gaze switched from one Jedi to
the other and back. "I...don't understand," he stuttered. "You
are *both* here...but I *remember*..."
"You won't for long, I suspect," Qui-Gon said as he too knelt
beside Anakin. "The Force wills a clean start here."
"But what of Palpatine!" Anakin protested even as he felt the
Force move around them. "He is Sith! We should warn the
Council!"
"The Force moves as it will, Anakin," Obi-Wan soothed even as
he reached out to touch Anakin's blond hair. The padawan felt
the Force wash over and through them even as his own memories
of the past - or future - faded. Obi-Wan's voice continued with
a smile. "I am just grateful you are all right."
"Why wouldn't he be?" Qui-Gon asked suspiciously as he eyed his
current apprentice and his would be padawan. "What did you do?"
Anakin beamed up at the big man. "I blew up the Trade
Federation ship!" he stated with pride. Qui-Gon's blue eyes
narrowed.
"I thought I told you to stay in that cockpit!" the Jedi said
sternly.
"I did, Master Qui-Gon! Honest!" The boy gave him an innocent
look. "I was in the cockpit the whole time!"
Qui-Gon's lips pressed together as an evil chuckle sounded
beside him. "He is correct, Master," Obi-Wan pointed out and
the Master Jedi gave his apprentice a Look. "You can't blame
him for exactly following your orders."
The big Jedi finally sighed as he stood and rubbed his
forehead. "I can see we are in for some interesting times
ahead," he noted as he glanced around to get his bearings.
Anakin and Obi-Wan exchanged a grin that was quickly wiped away
when Qui-Gon noticed it. "We should find the Queen and then
contact the Council."
"Do you think Amidala is all right?" Anakin asked in a worried
tone.
"I'm sure she is," Qui-Gon stated as he laid his hand on
Anakin's shoulder.
"Will you give her a victor's kiss?" Obi-Wan asked, his eyes
laughing as the boy sqinched his nose up. "After all, you saved
her planet."
"Yuck, no!" Anakin bleated. "I'll just shake her hand."
This time, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan exchanged a knowing look over
Anakin's head as the trio moved through the halls of the Naboo
palace.
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
(Porter Howell, Dwayne O'Brien, Brady Seals)
Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time.
I've got a good life now, I've moved on
So when you cross my mind....
Chorus:
I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again,
there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been.
We could sit and talk about this all night long,
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past.
Chorus
So try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again,
there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been.
That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night
I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say goodbye
And turn and walk away.
Chorus
And try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again,
there's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What Might Have Been.
No, we'll never know
What Might Have Been
end
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