A Wedding in Arcadia #2 -- Facing Reality

by Merry Amelie (MerryAmelie@aol.com)

Archive: MA only

Category: Alternate Reality, Mild Angst, Qui/Obi, Romance, Series

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Quinn's reservations

Series: Academic Arcadia -- # 51

A chronological list of the series with the URLs can be found under the header 'Academic Arcadia' at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/master-apprentice/files/

My MA story page: http://www.masterapprentice.org/cgi-bin/qs.cgi?keyword=Merry+Amelie

Feedback: Is treasured at MerryAmelie@aol.com Disclaimer: Mr. Lucas owns everything Star Wars. I'm not making any money.

To Alex and Ula, my friends and betas extraordinaire

Thanks to Nerowill for her wonderful suggestions.

The morning after their idyllic night, reality started to set in. The men had dozens of considerations to work through now, and after the initial high of Quinn's proposal, they decided to make a start fresh from a cleansing aikido session.

The two knelt together on the mats, eyes closed as they centered themselves and regulated their breathing. After a few moments, they opened their eyes, relaxed and ready to talk.

Ian's first question had been on his lips since Quinn had proposed. "Would you be willing to come out?"

Quinn had known he must face this issue, had indeed swept it under his tatami for too long now, in blatant unfairness to Ian. "I don't know what to do."

This simple admission touched Ian deeply. His confident Quinn, who effortlessly took charge of his classes and guided students daily, was finally willing to share his private doubts and demons with him.

Ian petted Quinn's right cheek. "Neither do I, love. Tell me what's bothering you."

"These past couple of years have been the happiest of my life. I want to marry you because I should've done it the week we met, the way I feel about you." Quinn rested his lips against Ian's tense forehead. "I'd thought of the ceremony as a private one, just you, me, and your family. You know, for us. Why change the way the rest of the world sees us?"

Ian sighed. "Know what you mean. It's quite a leap from our little inner circle to everyone who knows us." Ian, who never brought up the Mastersons, forced himself to do so now. "I think you're right not to tell your parents. Rory's given us enough trouble, and he's not even that bad."

Quinn looked down at his tatami. "The mess with him really got to me. I didn't want to bother you with it because I could see he hurt you even more."

Ian's gentle fingers brought Quinn's chin up for a kiss. "Yeah, it was worse 'cause we were close when I was little."

"That was the first time I was put down for being gay." Quinn had to remember to concentrate on his breathing. "Thought I was prepared to deal with it, but I wasn't."

Ian nuzzled his cheek. "So now you're worried that if you chance it at school, it'll be bad." A statement, rather than a question.

"Yes," Quinn admitted heavily.

"I've done a little digging." Ian kissed his forehead tenderly. "Luke has a non-discrimination policy and domestic partnership benefits. We're lucky to be here." He ran his thumb over Quinn's downturned lips. "You know that there's a gay organization on campus?" At Quinn's nod, Ian went on. "It has 250 members -- students, faculty, and staff."

Quinn gave a low whistle. "Larger than I thought." His brow furrowed. "All those different groups to consider. Talk about complicated." His voice was strained.

Ian reached for Quinn's cold fingers between the mats. "Yeah, it would be. You've known people here longer than me. It'd be hard to deal with them."

Quinn nodded. "Your family's helped." He gripped Ian's hands harder. "Remember my folks have that theater subscription? They'll be on campus this autumn." Quinn winced; it hurt to think about the differences between each set of parents.

Ian inwardly shuddered. "You're right. We'd be taking a chance." He looked at Quinn earnestly. "But I think it's unlikely they'd overhear any gossip about us. After all, when's the last time we discussed Ethan's love life in public?" Ian hoped for a chuckle from his lover, and was not disappointed.

"So you don't think we'll be known as 'the gay professors'?" Quinn asked diffidently.

Ian tried for his usual confidence. "Nah -- we'd have to stand in line with all the others, including some lovely ladies."

Quinn sighed heavily. "It's all new to me, Ian, but I'll consider it." He looked down at their joined hands, his lifeline.

"That's all I'm asking." Ian had never been prouder of his lover. He knew the cost to Quinn and his well-ordered way of life. Quinn looked ready for combat now, despite the odds he felt stacked against them. And he'd do it all for Ian.

After their frank conversation, Ian sent him on a walk, knowing he needed his privacy.

Quinn trudged along the bike path, trying not to notice the people he passed. On this Saturday afternoon, almost all were couples or families with children. As soon as he could, he veered onto a little-used trail that he and Ian liked for its isolation.

All of the reasons Quinn had given Ian for keeping their relationship private still held true, but he knew that Ian felt constrained by their secrecy. Indeed, one of the things that had attracted Quinn to him initially was his open friendliness and candor.

Ian just wanted to breathe the free air all creatures need to flourish. How could anyone truly thrive otherwise? Quinn remembered how he felt the first Fourth of July they were together. They'd put on their rings for the first time, and he'd never felt that sense of absolute freedom in his life.

Ian wanted them to have that every day. The only price would be to get over his worries about prejudice. Quinn thought of all the slurs and epithets he could come up with, and imagined them being hurled at him with venom. What would he do?

Stand tall and repudiate them, came the instant answer from a place deep within him, untouched by storms. Quinn wasn't naive; he knew the power his height and strength gave him, though mostly unacknowledged. He'd forestalled many a fight when growing up by using those attributes almost subconsciously. A stern look, a flex of tension in his arm, and trouble was over before it had begun.

He could use these playground ethics on a whole new type of bully now, although, true to the serenity so fundamental to his nature, he hoped it wouldn't be necessary. He had no doubt of his physical preparedness, nor, even more importantly, of Ian's, but it would hurt him to use his aikido skills that way.

Unfortunately, hate tended to be a visceral thing, unchallenged by intellect. Perpetuated by fear, distrust, and misunderstanding -- a toxic brew -- it spread through the generations with the virulence of an epidemic, for which the only inoculations were knowledge and compassion.

The real question crystallized in front of him, almost tangible on the rushing river waters he was half-noticing: was freedom worth the risk involved? Thinking back to the boyish young man he'd met on the train, white-hot in both mind and body, to their marriage of hearts in Williamsburg, to the release of rings from their chains on Independence Day, the answer was "Yes!"

It came out as a shout, much to his, and a passing swan's, surprise.