Virgins
by TJ
Archive: Yes to M-A
Category: Humor
Rating: G
Feedback: Please!!
Summary: A 13 year old Obi-Wan has a question for his new
master.
"Master, may I ask you a question?" Obi-Wan asked as they
cleared away the dinner dishes.
He and his master were back on Coruscant for a little while
between missions. Obi-Wan was glad for the short break, it
would give him time to finally get settled into their quarters.
He had been Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan for over a month now and had
yet to unpack fully.
"I believe you just did, Padawan," Qui-Gon replied. "But what
was it you wanted to know?"
"Master," Obi-Wan hesitated. "Do virgins taste better?"
"What?" Qui-Gon exclaimed unable to keep the utter shock from
his voice.
"Do virgins taste better?" the young padawan repeated.
"I heard you the first time, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. The Jedi
master rubbed his temples and wondered how in all the hells
that were that his thirteen year old apprentice had come up
with this particular question.
"Um, no, Padawan," Qui-Gon said as he blushed. "They taste just
like everyone else."
"You've eaten another person!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, looked aghast
at his master.
"Yes, Pada..." Qui-Gon trailed off. The thought that he had
really put his foot in it this time running through his head.
"May I ask exactly what precipitated this, Padawan?" Qui-Gon
asked instead.
"Well... In all the stories, they always sacrifice virgins. And
hungry draigons are always eating them. So I wondered if they
tasted different than, um, non-virgins," the young man
explained, his cheeks pinking just a bit.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon began slowly, feeling a world class headache
coming on. "Those are just stories. I'm sure that virgins taste
just the same as everyone else. And no, I've never consumed
another person." Qui-Gon could not believe he had just said
that to his teenage apprentice.
"But Master, you just said..." Obi-Wan began.
"Ignore what I said, Padawan. I was talking about something
else," Qui-Gon replied firmly and prayed the boy would not ask
what that something else was. "Rest assured, virgins do not
taste any different."
"Are you sure, Master?" Obi-Wan persisted. "Cause Bant had this
song..."
"What song?" Qui-Gon asked, almost afraid to know the answer.
Blushing slightly, the young apprentice began to sing.
A draigon has come to our village today
We've asked him to leave but he won't go away
Now he's talked to our King and he's worked out a deal
No homes will he burn and no crops will he steal.
Now there is but one catch we dislike it a bunch
Twice a year he invites him a virgin to lunch
Well we've no other choice for the deal we'll respect
But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect.
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty or sweet or more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Now we'd like to be shed you and many have tried
But no one can get through your thick scaly hide
We hope that some day some brave Knight will come by
Cause we can't wait around 'til you're too fat to fly.
Now you have such good taste in your women for sure
They always are pretty, they always are pure
But your notion of dining, it makes us all flinch
For your favorite entree is barbequed wench.
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty or sweet or more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat
If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat
No more will our number ever grow small
We'll simply make sure they're no virgins at all.
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty or sweet or more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
By the time Obi-Wan had finished the song, Qui-Gon was
clutching his sides trying not to laugh. The Jedi master did
not even want to think where the young Calamarian girl had
gotten her hands on this.
"See, Master?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Oh, Obi-Wan," he wheezed as he tried to control his laughter
and failed. "You have to sing that for Master Windu."
END.
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