Master Apprentice
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continued from previous part
Chapter 3
It had been three days and the infamous Jedi knight was showing signs of waking. He moved around in the tank restlessly looking as if he was struggling to escape from a bad dream. Corla had said that as soon as he emerged from the healing trance, they would remove him from the tank.
The thought of his bond-mate waking filled Anakin with both fear and excitement. He was now sure that Obi-Wan would resist the life-bond. He had read all the mission reports, as well as all the news reports he could find that mentioned the young knight and soon discovered that he was bonded to an amazing man.
The mission reports also revealed that Obi-Wan was brooding, arrogant and reckless to the point of being suicidal. He had resisted every attempt by the Jedi Council to give him a partner or a padawan. The mission reports were heavily censored for highly secretive material, but they still told the story of an extremely strong Jedi who had virtually destroyed the Sith single-handedly.
Anakin was awed by such power and strength, but he was also terrified by the amount of anger and rage that drove that power. He had been able to glean from some of the notes that many of the Council members felt that Obi-Wan was tainted, but chose to overlook his straying from the Light because he was the only one who could get the job done. In other words they used him and his rage to kill the Sith while turning a blind eye to the dangerous tightrope he walked.
Anakin knew he would need to tread carefully and not let Obi-Wan know how badly he wanted this bond. And Force, did he want it. Sitting here for three days watching the naked form of Obi-Wan floating in a tank had driven home quite decisively how strongly Anakin was attracted to his new bond-mate.
Anakin's knees were sore from all the meditation as he vainly tried to control his desire and sort out his muddled and confused feelings. He was in a constant state of arousal and his repeated cold showers had left his fingers permanently pruned, although the talk with Corla regarding the bonding and his sexual drives had helped.
When Corla ordered him to report to her office, he had groaned irritably, knowing that he was about to get one of her lectures. He'd been grateful when instead he received an almost clinical explanation of how bonding effected humans. Well as clinical as Corla could be with him. He smiled with affection and amusement thinking back on that conversation.
"Anakin you must realize that you are not yourself right now. The bond is straining you emotionally, but also physically and psychically. Your mind is actually transforming as we speak."
"I know that Corla. I am not an initiate healer you know. Fuck! You treat me like I'm an idiot," he shot back, brushing his fingers through his hair angrily.
"Anakin, this is what I'm talking about. Your emotions are running away with you. Look at you pacing like a caged animal."
Anakin stopped his pacing self-consciously and realized she was right; this wasn't like him. He was always in control. He hadn't yelled at Corla in years, since – well since he'd been fifteen when they'd fought over him taking a vow of celibacy that she'd vehemently opposed.
"Don't you see? The bond is scrambling your emotions. I know you know this intellectually, but have you stopped to consider what is going on in your head right now? Your circadian rhythms and neurotransmitters are synchronizing with your bond-mate's causing vast amounts of physical and emotional strain. That is why a bond if not properly monitored and controlled can cause psychic shock even death."
Anakin flopped down on the nearest chair. "Yes, I knew that. I just don't know why I forgot it."
Corla smiled, "Probably because you haven't been thinking with your brain lately."
Anakin looked up in confusion then smiled shyly as he realized what she meant. "Yes, I think my other brain is going to fall off if I don't leave it alone or get relief soon."
"That's normal. The bond is pushing for completion the most direct way it can, which happens to be through that part of your body. That and you are nineteen years old and nineteen year old boys —men -- normally think of nothing but sex anyway. You are just getting a double dose; bonding and hormones at the same time."
"Force, Corla I want him so bad that I think I'll die if I don't touch him soon. Not just the sex, I mean in every way. It scares me; it reminds me of when my mother died. I felt so close to the darkness then, like it was just hovering over me, waiting. I've been so careful to keep tight control over my emotions since then, but now my control is shot. I don't know if I can handle this.
Corla walked over to him and pulled him roughly into her arms. "You are a good and wise man, wiser than I will ever be. I know you can do this."
Anakin fiercely hugged the slender woman against him, hoping she was right.
Obi-Wan woke to bright light and whiteness. That and the overpowering smell of bacta told him exactly where he was: the healer's ward. Force, how he hated healers, poking and probing both body and mind every chance they got. He had spent more time in the healer's ward than he cared to remember, not to mention his time at the "Convalescent Center", which was just a nice term for the Jedi nuthouse.
As he struggled to sit up he felt a pair of strong arms surrounding him. He pushed them away angrily, but they stubbornly returned. Damn healers, he thought, reluctantly opening his eyes, ready to give the Sith-spawned attendant an earful. He stopped fighting when he saw that those comforting arms belonged to a handsome young Jedi rather than a healer.
"Who are you and what do you think you are doing?" he asked sharply.
"I'm Anakin Skywalker, Jedi knight. I'm the one that deflected the blaster bolt that shot you."
"So I take it that you're trying to finish the job."
"No, no. I'm just trying to help."
"You can help by getting away; I can do this myself."
"Oh--." Anakin said uncertainly, stepping back to the foot of the bed.
Obi-Wan stubbornly fought his way into a sitting position only to fall back against the pillows, panting heavily. He automatically reached for the Force in order to push back the pain and then gasped in surprise when he realized that the young Jedi was sending healing Force into his mind.
His eyes popped open in fury, "Stop it! I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable of healing myself."
"Having someone help you can only speed the process," Anakin answered evenly.
"Look, if you want to help, leave," Obi-Wan said angrily. What the fuck was the boy doing here anyway, relieving a guilty conscience or something? Not a very good Jedi if that was the case. Jedi didn't waste time or energy on guilt.
"I-- I'm supposed to stay. The healer said to." Anakin replied hesitantly.
"Why, for Force sake? I don't need a nursemaid. Get out and leave me alone. If I need something, I'll call the healer." Seeing that the young knight was preparing to argue, he interrupted. "Look, I know it was accidental and you didn't know who I was. There's nothing to feel bad about. Shit happens. So really, I would prefer to be left alone. You'd be doing me a great favor. Trust me."
Anakin just shook his head stubbornly.
Obi-Wan grunted in frustration. Something was wrong; he felt it, but couldn't pinpoint the cause. The boy had something to do with it, of that he was sure. Instead of arguing further, he pushed the call button.
The healer who had first treated him rushed in. "Is everything okay?" Corla asked looking at Anakin rather than Obi-Wan.
"I'm the one that called. I want this person removed and a com unit provided to me immediately," he said angrily, indicating the corner where Anakin was standing.
"I'm sorry Knight Kenobi, but I can't fulfill either of those requests right now."
"Why the fuck not?" Obi-Wan was quickly losing all patience with these people.
Corla sighed. "Knight Kenobi, I'll be glad to explain, but let me call Councilor Tidor. I would like him to be here."
"Yes, you do that and I'll try to explain to the Jedi High Council why your ineptitude and unnecessary delay has caused me to lose the trail of the last Sith."
Corla's face turned a bright red as she retorted angrily, "And I'll explain how your obstinacy and irrational behavior has delayed your release from the infirmary by another week."
Obi-Wan shook his head, fighting back the anger and frustration that was boiling up in him. This colony of Jedi was proving to be a bunch of backwater morons who knew nothing of galactic politics and more importantly didn't appreciate the importance of his mission. "I don't have time for your empty threats so either get me someone in charge or else I'll personally remove you and this kid from my presence."
Anakin broke in, nervously glancing between the knight and the healer, "Corla please com Vic and ask him to come here. He'll explain everything."
Corla glared at him. "Fine!" she snapped and stalked out.
"You can go with her."
"No, I can't. I am here on Master Tidor's orders, the High Councilor of the Elskin Temple."
"And I am Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi on a secret Level Five mission at the orders of Master Yoda, the Supreme High Councilor of the Jedi Order. So get out and bring me a com unit!" he yelled.
Anakin shook his head and crossed his arms.
Obi-Wan reached out with the Force and grasped Anakin in a vice of energy, levitating him a few inches off the floor and carrying him towards the door. Anakin gasped and then began fighting the invisible bonds that surrounded him. He quickly regained his composure and focused all his Force energy towards Obi-Wan. The effect was that all that power rebounded back at Obi-Wan and zapped him unconscious.
Anakin rushed over to the bed.
"What happened?" Vic asked loudly from the doorway.
"I -- he tried to force me out so I pushed back."
"Damn Anakin, the man almost died. Don't use all your power on him," Corla scolded.
"I had to, he was too strong. I didn't want him to suffer psychic shock."
"Oh yeah, zap him with the Force. Good plan. Look, someone needs to just tell him already, though I don't know if being bonded to this is such a bargain," Corla said gesturing toward Obi-Wan. "Maybe you should just cut the bond now before it settles in," she suggested disgustedly.
"No!" Anakin yelled. "We are meant to be together. Anyway it's too late. The bond has taken."
"He's right. That last little Force exchange did it. The bond has taken. The only way to stop it now is to try and suppress it," Vic replied.
Corla shook her head. "That's impossible. Life-bonds take a long time to form. They don't develop this fast."
"This kind does," Vic explained. "It's Force selected. I've never see one before, but I've read about them. The Force has been behind this from the beginning; it won't allow anything but completion. I don't even think suppression would work."
Anakin couldn't keep the smile from breaking out on his face.
"Uhhh!" Obi-Wan groaned drawing the trio's attention away from their discussion. "Fuck, what the hell did I ever do to you? You ARE trying to kill me".
Anakin stepped up. "No, I'm not. I'm sorry, but I can't leave you."
"Why the fuck not?" Obi-Wan asked in a strained voice. He again struggled to sit up and didn't argue when Anakin put his arms around him to help pull him into a sitting position. The embrace actually seemed to relieve some of the pressure in his head. Just then a tall burly man with piercing black eyes and a Force signature that resonated with wisdom and kindness stepped up to the other side of the bed.
"I'm Master Vic Tidor, Councilor of Elskin. As you know you were very badly hurt and were brought here for healing. However there have been a few complications that we need to discuss."
Obi-Wan rubbed his aching temples and asked disgustedly, "Like what?"
"It seems you were brought here by the Force for a very important purpose other than killing a Sith, who by the way, is dead and laying in our morgue."
Obi-Wan looked up quickly. "Thank goodness. What other purpose?"
"I believe that you were brought here to create a life-bond with Knight Skywalker," Vic said as he gestured toward Anakin.
"What?" Obi-Wan turned to look at Anakin and started laughing bitterly. "You're crazy. If we created a bond, it isn't a life-bond, I assure you." Obi-Wan looked away worriedly. "Besides, if you are right, we will dissolve it immediately before it takes. I don't want a bond, and will not be bonded under any circumstances."
Vic smiled sadly. "I'm afraid it has already taken. In fact it is quite strong, though it is still unstable."
Obi-Wan looked at Vic as if he had grown two heads and then over to Corla and Anakin. "Then we'll suppress it."
Corla answered his callousness angrily, "You can't, not a life-bond. Life-bonds are too strong and such an attempt could drive both of you insane. You know that."
"No, I don't know that. It can be done and it will be. Anyway it`s not a life-bond."
"It cannot be done. I know this may come as a shock to you, but a life-bond is a gift and should be honored and embraced as a miracle from the Force," Corla snapped back.
"It can be done, because I've done it," Obi-Wan barked.
"What?" Corla exclaimed incredulously. "You're crazy."
"I had a life-bond with my master, Qui-Gon Jinn, when he died. The only reason I'm alive now is because we suppressed it long enough for it to go dormant before his death."
"You had another life-bond? That cannot be. Surely it must have been only a strong training bond." Vic replied, concern clearly present in his voice.
"No, it was a life-bond. You can check my health records from eight years ago. It's all there."
"Impossible, no one can have two life-bonds at the same time. Even if this other one were dormant, it wouldn't allow for another one to take. Unless…" Corla got a very strange look on her face and turned away.
Obi-Wan didn't know why, but that look struck fear in his chest. "Unless what?"
Vic turned back from looking at Corla and said in a tight voice, "We should end this conversation until I can check your records."
"No! I want to know now what you two are hiding. Unless what?" Obi- Wan demanded.
Anakin, who was standing in the corner, piped in, "Our bond was built on the other one. It supplanted the original life-bond."
Obi-Wan felt as if he had been hit in the stomach. "No!"
"I used what I thought was an old training bond as an anchor when I was trying to save you. I didn't know this was going to happen," Anakin said defensively.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and reached for the bond that had been with him since he was thirteen years old; the bond that even after death had still carried the beautiful, loving, serene essence of Qui-Gon's Force signature. What he felt instead was Anakin Skywalker; strong, powerful, pulsing with a desire and need so deep that it was frightening.
As the desolation hit, he vaguely became aware of sobs echoing throughout the room. It took him several seconds to realize that the heartbreaking sounds were his own. In an attempt to hold himself together he pulled his body into a tight ball, but despite his best efforts he found himself crying for the first time in eight years. It wasn't fair. The bond was all he had left of the man he loved and this needy boy had stolen it. He had no right. It would have been better to die, he screamed in his head.
Anakin sensed Obi-Wan reaching out for the bond and immediately fell to his knees overwhelmed by the intense power of the man suddenly pulsing in his body? Anakin heard Obi-Wan's sobs, but couldn't control his own moans of pleasure and soon succumbed to the ecstasy caressing his every nerve until the orgasm swept through his body in one long wave of pleasure.
The room was full of an erotic pulsing energy that had both Vic and Corla shaking uncontrollably. The two healers put both men to sleep and rushed out of the Force-infused room, desperate to escape the intense energy pressing relentlessly on their emotions. "Wow! That was strong," Corla said roughly.
"Yes, the Force is playing for keeps here," Vic said breathlessly. "I'm going to call Masters Yoda and Mace. This is getting more complicated than I first thought. I truly don't understand how this could happen - two life-bonds in one man."
Chapter 4
Corla was amazed at how quickly Vic got through to the High Council and when Masters Yoda and Mace Windu appeared on the holo-unit, she felt her palms become sweaty with nervousness. All her life she'd heard about these two beings, read about them in history books, seen them on the holo-vid news reports and here she was discussing a patient of hers with the likes of them.
Her contemplation of this unbelievable event cost her the few seconds it took to present a measured graceful bow rather than the hurried clumsy one she managed. Corla silently cursed her awkwardness in the face of meeting two of her heroes.
"Master Yoda and Master Windu," Vic said calmly. "I'd like to introduce Knight Corla Inu, our Senior Healer and the one who has been treating Obi-Wan's injuries."
Corla bowed again, trying to look as dignified as possible.
"Meet you a pleasure it is." Yoda nodded to both Elskin Jedi. "When of Obi-Wan's bonding, I heard. Meditated on the meaning, I did. More information we need. Healer Inu, speak to Knight Skywalker immediately, I must."
Corla and Vic exchanged a look, and then Corla excused herself.
Mace shifted in his seat, "Tell me Vic, this last exchange -- was it Force-enhanced?"
"Yes, very much so. Knight Kenobi and Anakin -- I mean Knight Skywalker -- realized that the original bond between Knight Kenobi and his former master, Qui-Gon Jinn had been usurped at about the same time. They both reached for the bond simultaneously causing it to deepen even more. However, where Knight Kenobi became distraught over the loss of the old bond, Knight Skywalker found the probing --- um, pleasurable."
"What do you mean `pleasurable`?" Mace asked.
"I mean he experienced an orgasm," Vic said, discomfort coloring his tone. "Corla and I then put them to sleep. The room was literally vibrating with the force during the whole incident."
"The state of the bond now?" Mace asked as he rested his chin on two pyramided fingers.
"It is fully open, but unstable. I believe Knight Kenobi is suffering from a mild case of psychic shock. We are keeping him sedated for now. Anakin is feeling a strong sense of guilt and rejection. He won't leave Knight Kenobi's side even though I've explained to him that while Obi-Wan is sedated it is unnecessary for him to stay close."
Vic momentarily hesitated and then asked, "Please Master Yoda, is it true that the bond Obi-Wan shared with Master Jinn was a life-bond?"
Mace looked over at his old friend Yoda, needing the answer to this question as well. The possibility of Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon, for that matter, being life-bonded without his knowledge hurt greatly.
Yoda nodded, his ears low and trembling, "Bonded they were in the last few months of Qui-Gon's life. Much wiser the Force is than us. Qui-Gon was able to show Obi-Wan who the Sith Lord was through that bond. Terrible carnage would the galaxy have suffered if the Sith Lord had lived."
"When I got back from the Kapron mission, I was shocked to find out that Obi-Wan had suffered a break down and was being kept in isolation at the Alderaan facility. I can't believe he kept this from me all these years," Mace said quietly.
"Discharged from Alderaan too soon, was he. Needed to go back the second time he did," Yoda declared.
"The second time?" Vic asked.
Mace turned to Vic and explained further, feeling that as Anakin's Master he deserved to know as much as possible. "Two years into Obi- Wan's mission the Council recalled Obi-Wan from the field and commanded he attend a disciplinary review. In the review the Council learned of his questionable methods and unlawful acts, including mind control and sexual indiscretions. Healer Toyin, who'd treated him at the Alderaan facility, testified that Obi-Wan was showing signs of increased instability and that another breakdown was eminent unless he submitted to further treatment."
Yoda nodded. "Right, Toyin was. Let it go too long we did."
"Although his treatment at the Alderaan facility seemed to do more harm than good." Mace said defensively. "And Obi-Wan was getting results. He killed the Zabrakian Sith and stopped the civil war on He'son practically single-handedly."
Mace took a deep breath and continued, "The hearing dragged on for days, with Obi-Wan barely able to maintain his composure. When Toyin gave her testimony, he became irate and accused her of "getting off" on his so called treatment, which he said was nothing more than mind rape. He gave a terrifying and detailed report on the Sith activity that was occurring simultaneously throughout the galaxy then warned the Council that their narrow-minded view and stringent adherence to the Jedi code would tie his hands and destroy us all one day."
Mace paused, "Obi-Wan's speech rang true for many on the Council that day, despite his somewhat excessive emotionalism. It was decided that a vote would be taken the next day after everyone had time to meditate on the testimony."
Mace paused momentarily as he recalled what happened later that evening, when Obi-Wan had shown up at his apartment ranting and railing against Toyin and the Council. He pleaded for Mace to do something, vowing he would never go back to Alderaan or suffer more treatment at Toyin's hands. Mace tried to calm and reason with his young friend, but one thing led to another and they'd ended up in bed together.
Mace brought himself out of his reflections and continued, "That night I met with Obi-Wan and discussed his behavior and what needed to change. He agreed to let me supervise his activities from then on. The next day I went to the hearing and appeased Toyin and the others by vouching for Obi-Wan's sanity and vowing to take stewardship of Obi-Wan's mission and well being." Mace realized now that he'd been a fool, allowing himself to be manipulated over and over again by his friend all these years. "I was convinced I could help him, keep him in the Light." He paused. "I was afraid we'd lose him if I didn't."
"Master of coercion and manipulation has young Obi-Wan become. To the dark-side, he nearly fell," Yoda said, looking pointedly at Mace. "Protect him and others we need to.
"One thing I don't understand," Vic said softly sensing that there was a much more personal side to the story than what he was hearing. "Why did Healer Toyin keep Obi-Wan isolated and why move him from the Coruscant temple at all? You have the best Psychic Healers in the galaxy," Vic asked. "Usually a victim of post traumatic stress or psychic shock needs familiar surroundings and the comfort of friends and loved ones. Change and uncertainty is the worst thing for someone in what you have described was Obi-Wan's condition."
"Against Obi-Wan such knowledge could the Sith use," Yoda answered. "Greatly he suffered from the loss of the bond. Severed life-bonds, no one knew how to treat." Yoda lowered his eyes sorrowfully as he explained. "Toyin's methods were radical. Uncertain the young one's recovery was."
"He was a changed man when he returned to Coruscant," Mace added. "Nine cycles they had him and he came back bitter and morose with an obsessive need to wipe out the Sith. I was his friend. If I'd been here after Naboo perhaps I could have helped him."
"Help him you could not," Yoda said. "Help himself, Obi-Wan would not."
Mace sighed regretfully. "I thought he would improve in time, but when he didn't I blamed it on a weakness within him that had never been addressed. I see now that it was just too much for him, the loss of a life-mate as well as his master. The burden was too great for a young knight barely passed his trials. We should have done more. I should have done more."
"Helped, it could not be," Yoda said sharply, as he looked over at his fellow Councilor, obviously wanting to bring Mace back to the immediate problem. "Needed this bond is. Gone is the last of the Sith and with him, Obi-Wan's mission to avenge his bond-mate's death." Yoda continued with sadness glowing in his golden eyes. "Purpose for going on, Obi-Wan will not see. Now I see, that on the same path do Skywalker and Kenobi's destinies lie."
The three masters silently contemplated this revelation and flinched when they heard a knock on Vic's outer door.
Corla walked in with a rumpled-looking Anakin behind her. They bowed to the two highest councilors in the Jedi order and then sat on a large ottoman in front of the holo-unit. Corla surreptitiously placed her hand on Anakin's leg to show her support.
"Knight Skywalker, many good things we have heard about you. Pleased about your bonding we are," Master Yoda said
Anakin's head snapped up at this, hope clearly evident in his weary features. "You are?"
Yoda nodded. "Need much love Obi-Wan does. Damaged he has been by the Sith and by us. Help him you must."
Anakin smiled with hope shining in his eyes. "Yes, he is very sad and hurt. I want to help him, but he doesn't want me. He won't let me in. He blames me for the …," he broke off trying to maintain his composure.
Corla squeezed her friend's leg.
"Obi-Wan has been a friend of mine since he was a padawan. I assure you he has always been overly cautious about relationships, but after Qui-Gon's death he has withdrawn even further. You must withstand his every attempt to push you away. You must be stronger than he is, and I warn you now that he is an amazingly obstinate being," Mace said sternly, his voice reflecting his admiration and affection for Obi-Wan.
"Excuse me councilors, but how do we keep him here? Though he is not at full capacity yet, he is almost there. As it is, he Force-moved Anakin across the room and it was all Anakin could do to stop him. We are not powerful enough to keep him here against his will," Corla said firmly not believing that Knight Kenobi was ever going to accept the bond no matter what the councilors said.
Yoda nodded. "Yes. Strong in the Force is our Obi-Wan, but also loyal and dutiful he is. Do as I say, he will. Disobey an order, he will not."
"Tell me Anakin. When you reached for that bond, did you see it or feel it? Mace asked.
Anakin swallowed nervously, "I couldn't find any bond at first or even a connection to another soul. It was only after I broke down his shields that I saw the old life-bond. Then I sent Force power into the bond and it was like it reached out for me. Even unconscious, he resisted at first, but soon the bond was so bright that he couldn't stop it from re-forming."
"Humm," Yoda scratched his chin and nodded. "So the bond reached for you?"
"Yes Master, after I sent Force-healing into it. It looked dead or shredded to me. It wasn't what I imagined a life-bond to look like."
"Want this bond do you?" Yoda asked tapping his walking stick on the desk in front of him.
"Yes Master, more than anything. I love Obi-Wan and I feel the Force pulling us together."
"Do whatever it takes to make him love you, you will. Cruel he will be; strong you must be. Accept the bond he must, or die he will."
Anakin gasped as shiny tears slid down his face freely. "No," he said roughly. "I will do whatever it takes, I promise."
Vic and Corla looked at each other, concern evident in their faces. This was a heavy responsibility to place upon a sensitive and somewhat vulnerable new knight. When Corla's attention returned to the two figures displayed on the holo-unit, it looked as if the two masters were in silent communication with each other.
Mace nodded and then turned his attention back to Anakin. "You and Obi-Wan will be sent on a mission together. You will partner for approximately six cycles during which time you will settle the bond and enter into a life-mate relationship. That is all for now. We will contact you with the mission information day after tomorrow. "
"I will not. This is ridiculous. This so called Jedi knight accidentally uses the Force to initiate a life-bond and all of the sudden, everyone believes it's Force-selected. Please, it was an accident; a mistake at best. I won't have my future tied to a stranger because you two think I need love in my life."
Mace tried explaining as patiently as possible in the face of an increasingly agitated Obi-Wan. "You are underestimating the strength of the bond; this is not the same as when Qui-Gon died. That bond was already severed or you would have died when Qui-Gon did; it would have dissolved eventually anyway. The suppression only worked for that reason."
"I'll remind you, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan said, pointedly ignoring Mace, "that it was at your insistence that I suppressed the bond. You said you needed me to defeat the Sith and even though it almost killed me to suppress it, I did as you asked. Now I am requesting the same consideration and loyalty that I gave you. Help me. Don't force me to submit to this bond."
"Loyal you have always been. Loyal you must continue to be. The Force wants this; you serve the Force in all things." At this Obi-Wan jumped up and began pacing. Obviously sensing the blackness flooding the usual blue and white aura of the young knight even light-years away, Yoda demanded crossly, "Look to the Force, Knight Kenobi."
Obi-Wan blushed at having to be censured like an initiate and quickly brought his emotions back under control and sat down.
Yoda nodded his approval and then continued. "You are still needed."
"For what? The Sith are dead. I've done my duty. Don't ask this of me. I can't," Obi-Wan covered his face with his hands and then quickly rubbed his eyes. "The only thing that kept me going all these years was the thought of someday being free. I have done so many things … Can't you see I'll destroy him just like …? I can't do this."
Yoda and Mace glanced at one another. Mace tried to reason with his friend once more. "You must serve the Force. If in six cycles you still wish to severe the bond then we will help you, but you must discover what purpose the bond serves. Remember, the real purpose of the bond with Qui-Gon wasn't understood at first either."
"This bond is a fucking accident!" Obi-Wan yelled angrily. "You and I know the longer it goes, the harder it will be to suppress. Don't play bloody games with me. I know what you are doing, this is just more manipulation by the Force and the Jedi, for my own good. Right? Well, I won't allow it." Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the ottoman rocking back and forth, his hands raking nervously through his hair.
"Your duty you will do!" Yoda said with a hint of irritation in his voice. "Go to Palodino you will, assist with the quarantine. Explore the bond you will. Need you we still do."
"You need - the Force needs - what about what I need? I'll tell you. I need to be fucking left alone. I just want all of it to be over with once and for all." Obi-Wan stood and began pacing again.
"You are a Jedi, are you not?" Mace asked impatiently.
"Force, I'm nothing to either of you, am I? I'm just a tool for you to wield, or a convenient hole to sate yourself with!" He said with disgust as he glowered at Mace's image. "That's all I've ever been to you -- and to Qui." He then softened his expression as he continued, "Mace please. I thought you -- were different."
Mace shook his head and averted his eyes. "I can't." he said softly.
Obi-Wan stared at Mace loathingly. "Fine, if what I want or need doesn't matter, how about the kid? I won't allow this and what's that going to do to him? Are you willing to destroy him as well by allowing the bond to strengthen and then forcing him to suffer like I did when it is eventually broken? Or is he in the same boat as me - a sacrifice to the greater good?"
"No more!" Yoda said loudly, his ears trembling forcefully, revealing just how hard he was fighting to bring his own emotions under control.
Obi-Wan stopped pacing, his face turning bright red as he automatically went to his knees and lowered his head. "I beg your forgiveness, Master," Obi-wan said miserably, obviously embarrassed by the disrespect he'd allowed himself to show his beloved mentor.
"Jedi you are, Jedi you will always be." Yoda stated firmly. "You will go on this mission and for six standard cycles you will live with Knight Skywalker and explore the bond. Allowed suppression is not. When over the six cycles are, reassess the bond we will."
Mace nodded and stared coldly at Obi-Wan. "We will check on you periodically. May the Force be with you."
Obi-Wan rose to his feet, careful to keep his head bowed. "Yes Masters," he said quietly. With a bow to the screen he ended the transmission and then fell back on the ottoman in defeat. He wanted to cry, scream maybe, but couldn't find the strength. Nothing mattered anymore, all he wanted was to fall asleep and never wake up.
Chapter 5
Anakin stood in the doorway of the control room on the small space corvette silently admiring his bond-mate, who at the moment was staring out into the nothingness of space completely unaware of his presence. Anakin was still surprised by the effect the mere sight of Obi-Wan had on him, the way his breath would catch at the first glimpse, the pounding of his heart and then the swell of warmth flowing over him, lighting areas in his soul that he never knew existed before.
He didn't understand why the man so intrigued him, his features after all, were not extrordinary. Yet somehow they combined to form a whole that was both remarkable and beautiful. He so badly wanted to sit and stare to his heart's content and fully comprehend the secret to the loveliness that so captivated him. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan had noticed his presence and he could feel the man's shields being pulled tight around him as if needing to protect himself from prying eyes. Anakin sighed disappointedly. Taking a deep breath he pushed the longing away and instead decided to try once again to discuss their bond.
"So are you going to continue to sulk and make this mission as miserable as possible for both of us?" Anakin moved forward as he spoke and flopped into the seat next to Obi-Wan. "I don't understand why it's such a bad idea for us to get to know each other and hopefully stabilize the bond. You are just being stubborn. Master Yoda said -- ," Anakin stopped in mid-sentence when Obi-Wan abruptly pulled himself out of the co-pilot's seat and walked out without acknowledging his presence.
Anakin pounded his fist on the arm of the chair, fighting back screams of frustration. Gods, the man was impossible. He had tried everything to engage him in a discussion about their bond, about their relationship, but he continued to deny they had one or could ever have one.
The part that hurt the most was that he could feel how unhappy and lonely the other man was. He wondered again if it wasn't being bonded that Obi-Wan objected to, but to him specifically. The constant rejection was bringing back the old feelings of unworthiness that plagued him since he had first become a padawan. He knew he was overreacting and pushing too hard, but didn't seem to be able to control himself.
In addition, to the feelings of rejection, he was also beleaguered by the intense attraction that seemed to be driving him to increasingly desperate acts. It was all he could do to keep from reaching out and touching his bond-mate. Cold showers and meditation were the only things saving him from making a complete fool of himself.
He didn't know how effective this mission was going to be in stabilizing the bond if Obi-Wan didn't abandon this attitude. Anakin had almost decided that he was going to have to do something drastic to change the situation. He had some ideas, but was hesitant to follow through with them. They might backfire and he could lose Obi-Wan forever. However, the young knight didn't know how much more he could take; he was only human and Master Yoda had said that he must be willing to do whatever was necessary.
Obi-Wan sat on the bunk, locked in his small cabin miserably thinking about his situation and his next step. Master Yoda had told him to "explore the bond". In other words, screw Anakin's brains out, let the bond take and in so doing happily submit to accepting a life-mate. They had finally found a way to stick him with a partner -- or more accurately a babysitter, thereby solving the problem of their errant knight.
The problem was that they were winning. The bond was getting stronger, the desire to reach out to Anakin was pulsing in his mind and it was driving him crazy. It was taking all his will power to hold his hands back and not pull his young bond-mate into his arms.
He knew he was being cruel to the boy, but couldn't think of any other way to keep the kid away from him. How much more could the Force want from him? He had already lost Qui-Gon and now it had taken the last remnants of their bond and sacrificed it to Anakin. All he wanted was to be left alone to do his duty and live out his solitary life the best way he could. He didn't want any more pain or great crusades. He couldn't lose this battle. The Force wouldn't win this time.
Obi-Wan pulled his backpack from under the bunk and retrieved a plain gray box. He smoothed the top of the box with his hand and hesitantly opened it. He had bought the drug from an apothecary that one of the workers at the clinic had put him in contact with, intending only to use it as a last resort in case his will power failed. It had only been a week since the meeting with Yoda and Mace and already he knew he couldn't resist the bond without help. He had needed to wear a Force suppressing bracelet for six cycles to survive the loss of his bond with Qui, but had found the loss of the Force almost more torturous than the pain of the psychic shock.
He took a tremulous breath as he remembered how bad it had been. He'd always had an intimate relationship with the Force before Naboo and losing it had been like losing a limb, but even more profound. He hated the thought of losing the Force again, but if he wanted to keep his freedom and sanity he must.
There were also the physical ramifications to consider. The bracelet drained his energy and weakened him to the point of frailness. The Apothecary on Elskin had promised that this drug wouldn't affect him as strongly as the bracelet had; he should be able to function as a normal Forceless man after a few days.
He opened the lid and pulled out the needle and the bottle of Zephine. This, he had been assured, would be invisible and undetectable. It wouldn't totally suppress the Force, but it would suppress it enough to keep a bond from forming or strengthening, hopefully long enough for the bond to go dormant. There would be a miniscule bleeding through that would make it appear to another Force user that he had very strong shields.
He filled the syringe, pressed it against the inside of his arm and slid the needle into a vein. He closed his eyes as he pushed the drug slowly into his body; then reopened them to watch as the needle glided out, leaving a tiny dot of blood. He placed everything back into the box then pushed the box to the bottom of his backpack. He sat on the bunk for a moment and then lay back on the bunk and waited.
It was like gradually going blind as awareness and knowledge that he'd taken for granted started slipping away. Obi-Wan turned to his side, trembling as the warm soothing energy of the Force slowly diminished. In its place came the feelings of isolation and self-doubt. As an anguished sob escaped his clenched lips; he quickly covered his mouth to stifle the sounds of despair, not wanting Anakin to hear his weakness. Ugly thoughts of love lost and a hopeless future filled him up as quickly as the Force drained out of him. He didn't deserve to be loved, that's why the Force had forsaken him, he hadn't been worthy of Qui-Gon, that's why his master had rejected him, and he wasn't worthy of Anakin. He would never let himself be used that way again.
He cried silently, wiping his eyes and desperately trying to control the intense anguish and sadness that enveloped him. He kept telling himself it was the drug that made him feel this way, but he knew better. After a while he regained control of his emotions and the tears slowly subsided, he eventually relaxed enough to give in to his exhaustion and fall into a fitful Forceless sleep.
Anakin went to Obi-Wan's cabin and buzzed. After several times, the door finally slid open to reveal a red eyed Obi-Wan.
"What?"
Anakin stood silently, shocked by the sight of the pale and haunted looking knight. "Um, we're here."
Obi-Wan nodded and walked back into the cabin to grab his backpack, "Okay, let's go."
Anakin longed to pull Obi-Wan into his arms to comfort him, but instead reached out for the bond. He was shocked to feel the bond's weakness, but relaxed once he realized that Obi-Wan must be shielding from him. Force, he must be expanding a great deal of energy to sustain shields that strong, Anakin thought resentfully. Why did he have to fight so hard? Why couldn't he just let it be? Anakin turned away angrily and rushed out of the ship.
Obi-Wan followed him silently, concentrating hard to put one foot in front of the other and wondering how he was going to keep up this charade for six cycles.
Anakin unloaded their equipment and then sat down on a large crate near Obi-Wan.
"Now what?" Obi-Wan asked tiredly.
"Now we wait for one of the clinic's staff to pick us up."
Obi-Wan nodded, closed his eyes, he was aleady exhausted from just carrying his backpack and duffle off the ship.
"You'll like Lanisi, it's very beautiful. The clinic is only a quarter kilometer away from the beach. Our cottage is right on the beach, in fact the door is eighty-two steps away from it, the last time I checked anyway," Anakin smiled, hoping to interest Obi-Wan in either their surroundings or anything else about this mission.
Obi-Wan ignored him.
"Anakin? Ani! Oh my God, look at you!"
Anakin looked over to his right to see a tall Payan running towards him. "Yasha!" he yelled back, running to meet his boyhood friend.
Obi-Wan stood and looked at the two young men practically tackling each other in the middle of the spaceport. Yasha was a decidedly handsome boy, taller than Anakin with wavy dark hair and light cinnamon-colored skin. The two looked to be well matched.
Anakin dragged Yasha over to Obi-Wan with a huge smile spread across his handsome face. "Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'd like you'd to meet my good friend Yasha Gorge. He's a student and volunteers at the clinic whenever he's home from the university."
Yasha reached out and took Obi-Wan's hand, "Very nice to meet you. We are very grateful that the Jedi have agreed to help us. I'm not the official welcoming committee, but I talked father into allowing me to pick you up when I found out Anakin was coming."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Your welcome is much appreciated and most cordial. Thank you."
Yasha blushed and laughed nervously, sneaking a look at Anakin. "Well, let me help you get your things. Lerna is coming with the speeder-truck to pick up the supplies." With that Anakin and Yasha loaded the luggage into the speeder, laughing and slapping each other on the back good-naturedly.
Obi-Wan sat in the back seat of the speeder watching Anakin curiously. The boy was a different person here. He hadn't stopped talking since Yasha showed up and seemed truly relaxed and happy.
Anakin talked animatedly as he pointed out landmarks along their route. As they passed over a small wooden bridge Anakin pointed excitedly to a strip of beach with a small pale yellow cottage nestled in an oasis of palm trees.
"There it is." Anakin jumped out of the slow moving speeder and ran towards the run down home.
Yasha reached over and stopped the speeder, laughing good naturedly at his friend's antics.
"What's he doing?" Obi-Wan asked in alarm, taken aback by Anakin's impulsive behavior.
"That's his house. His mom's house, I mean!" Yasha yelled over his shoulder as he ran after Anakin.
"I thought his mom died," Obi-Wan quietly muttered. He slowly climbed out of the speeder and walked toward the cottage, looking around appreciatively at the almost idyllic setting. He caught brief glimpses of Anakin through the windows of the cottage and heard the carefree laughter of the two friends."
Not wanting to intrude on the boy's homecoming, Obi-Wan walked down to the beach. He rolled up his pant legs and removed his short boots, smiling as he waded into the water. He let his head fall back savoring the feel of the hot sun on his skin and the smells of the ocean warming his soul. How beautiful it was here, Obi-Wan thought wistfully. Just than a peal of laughter could be heard from the cottage, too bad it was ruined by the knowledge that the man he was unhappily bonded to was only steps away.
"Force Anakin, I can't believe you're bonded. Aren't you a little young for that?"
Anakin shook his head, standing at the front window watching Obi-Wan walking along the beach. "No, I can't believe I waited this long for him."
"He's very beautiful. My God, I don't think I'd ever get out of bed if he was in it with me."
Anakin chuckled nervously, agreeing.
"Look at you. You're bonded, a healer and a knight. All your dreams have come true. I admit I thought you were crazy when you told me everything that you wanted and were determined to get back at the ripe old age of ten. You remember?"
Anakin turned sadly to face his friend. "Yes, the only thing different from my dreams is that my mother isn't here to share them with me."
Yasha walked up to Anakin and hugged him. "You know she's probably watching you right now. -- And she's not very happy at the state you've left her cabin," Yasha teased getting a laugh out of Anakin as he intended.
"You're right. She'd kill me for this. Oh well, between Obi-Wan and I we'll have it in shape in no time."
"What are we getting in shape?" Obi-Wan asked from the doorway, his pants legs still rolled up and short boots in his hand.
Anakin smiled and stopped suddenly. He felt dizzy for a split second, realizing that he'd seen this scene before. He'd said those exact words - "get this place in shape" - and he'd seen Obi-Wan standing right there in those clothes with his leggings rolled up and boots in his hand. Anakin's smile got bigger at the knowledge that he was walking the path the Force wanted.
"You okay?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yes, I'm perfect. Isn't it great? This was my mother's home? I was telling Yasha that we're going to fix it up while we're here."
Obi-Wan just nodded as he looked around. He held back his immediate response to such a suggestion, which was: 'Come back to reality, I'm not going to play house with you', but he didn't want to embarrass the kid in front of his friend.
"So you are going to stay here rather than at the clinic?" Yasha asked with surprise.
"Of course, this is my home," Anakin replied equally surprised by the question.
"I know. I just wondered if that was a good idea considering the feelings the Nisi have for the inoculations and the quarantine," Yasha said with concern.
Obi-Wan perked up at hearing this comment, his vast experience with ancient cultures making his inner warning bells go off. "The Nisi have negative feelings regarding the inoculations?"
Anakin nodded. "Yes, that's why it's been so hard for us to contain the disease here. They only allow the medics or healers to treat their people in the presence of their Shaman and then you have to get special approval from both the Shaman and the Chief to cut them or break their skin or even give them oral medications. That makes mass inoculations almost impossible. The quarantine is just as difficult to enforce. Once a cycle each family must visit their father's birth temple for blessings and tithing."
"Well, that's the excuse they use anyway," Yasha added, rolling his eyes with disgust. "You must understand Master Kenobi, the Nisi are traders and migrants. Their religion is an excuse to bypass the Paladino laws and for general governmental dissension. The chiefs are more interested in their clan's trading interests than in spreading spiritual enlightenment."
"That's not quite fair. They are genuinely superstitious and wary of outsiders. I truly believe they fear the inoculations." Anakin crossed his arms and sighed. "I will concede that their problems with the quarantine seem to be more motivated by political and monetary concerns than any true religious beliefs. And they are subtly subversive against the current Paladino administration."
"So do you believe they would try to actively interfere with the inoculations and quarantine?" Obi-Wan asked both men.
Yasha shook his head, "Not really, but there have been a few examples of vandalism at the clinic in recent months."
"Very small and probably more to do with wayward youths letting off a little steam rather than an active protest against the clinic," Anakin countered.
Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile at the adolescent knight speaking about wayward youths. He must admit that he was impressed despite himself. Anakin seemed knowledgeable about the Nisi culture and expressed his opinions intelligently. "Since the vandalism has been at the clinic, it might be best to stay here since that would help to disassociate us from an organization that they may be suspicious of. I have always found that when dealing with cultural differences, small gestures can go a long way."
"I suppose you are right, it might help the Nisi to see the inoculations as separate and independent of governmental involvement. I warn you though that Del'nisi is an unreasonable brute," Yasha stated harshly. "He hates my father and thinks the quarantine is a conspiracy that we thought up to ruin his trade agreements with the other colonies."
"We can discuss all this at the clinic. We still need to deliver the medical supplies and have Obi-Wan meet everyone." Anakin walked over to Obi-Wan and took his hand. "Shall we?"
Obi-Wan let Anakin guide him to the speeder without complaint, though he wasn't sure why. He supposed he was just too tired to argue about it and seeing the boy in this house and in this setting somehow reminded him just how young Anakin was. He didn't want to hurt the kid any more than he had to, so he'd let him hold his hand this once and he'd pretend that he was going to help fix up the house for now. Tomorrow, when he was feeling up to it, he promised himself that he'd straighten the boy out.
go on to the next part