Master
Apprentice  Archive
Duty
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For the last five years of my apprenticeship, I agonized over my feelings for my Master. For the twelve years after his death, I regretted not telling him. Odd, now that my master was with me, I found myself once again unable to tell him how I loved him.
He'd said very little since his transformation, and had wrapped his thoughts tightly behind his shields. It was disconcerting for me to be shut off again, after feeling his presence in my mind for the first time since his death on Naboo.
His death... I could still remember his last breath, his last words, the way he felt in my arms. My tears. The tears I shed at his funeral were the last I would ever cry.
I shook off these memories and looked down at him again. He had suffered from a nightmare earlier that night, so I had slipped into bed next to him and eased his mind, as I have done the previous two nights. During the last hour he had pressed his head against my chest and casually wrapped one arm around my hip, and unlike the other nights, I found myself unable to slip away. I stroked his hair gently, careful not to wake him. Even in sleep his face was twisted in a frown.
What was he thinking? What sort of turmoil disturbed his mind? I wanted to ask, I needed to find out, but I knew he needed time to sort things out after his traumatic transformation from Sith Clone back to Jedi Master. His behavior had certainly been confusing. Most of the time he was withdrawn, avoiding any even visual contact with me; other times he sought silent comfort in my embrace, or in the simple act of holding my hand and gazing into my eyes.
The sexual tension between us was palpable, at least in my own mind. I wanted him badly, and was afraid he was simply seeking comfort in me because I was the last link to his former life. The Sith that inhabited his body had destroyed everything else in Qui- Gon's life. Except me - he couldn't destroy me. I could take some comfort in that.
He spasmed in his sleep and was suddenly awake. He pulled away for a moment, tense, panting, until his eyes focused on my face. His features relaxed and his breathing slowed, and for a moment we just lay there, gazing at each other. I imagined myself reaching for him, drawing him close to me, loving him and letting him love me, but I couldn't. I could not have forced myself to move at that moment if I'd had to defend an innocent child.
Force be with me, I didn't have to. He slid his arm up from my hip to my face, brushed some loose hair from my eyes and gently stroked my cheek with the tip of his finger. Stroked my cheek exactly the way he did as he died in my arms on Naboo. Oh Force... I started trembling, tried to center myself.
"Thank you, Obi-Wan," he said, his voice rough with sleep.
I opened my mouth to ask him what he was thanking me for, but couldn't talk. I might have made a pathetic sound as he slid his hand behind my head and pulled me toward him and brushed his lips against mine. It was a phantom touch; the kiss existed more in the mingling of our breath than the pressure of our lips. I relished the feel, wanting more, but not daring to ask.
His hand slid down, pausing to caress the nape of my neck. My body shivered from the sensation, and I offered no resistance when he pulled me closer, pressing the length of his body against mine. He was unfettered by clothes, and I was quickly becoming aroused as his morning erection ground into my hips. I moaned, and slid my own hand behind his neck to pull him closer, finally pressing our lips together.
I could feel his shields lower as we became more intimate. Our pleasure reverberated through the bond. I don't know what I enjoyed more - his feeling his warm hands explore my body or feeling his quiet presence across our bond again. I sent him my love, and somehow managed to resist the urge to overwhelm his mind with the strength of all my emotions and pent-up desires. I released those into the Force, which was swirling around us, flowing and ebbing in waves, sharing our passion.
He started mouthing my cheek, my chin, my ears, and his hands began to slide under my sleep pants. My body burned with desire built up from years of wanting this man. His hand found its way under the waistband, and we both shifted a bit so he could have better access. My cock twitched and hardened under his light tough, and soon I was arching into him mindlessly. It felt so good so, so very good, and suddenly... so, so very wrong.
The Force was telling me it was wrong. Seventeen years of wanting this man, and the Force told me I couldn't have him.
I almost didn't listen, almost gave into my ecstasy, but I remembered what happened the last time I ignored a Force warning.
I tried to pulled away. "No, Qui, no..." I panted. His shields slammed closed again as he pulled his hands away.
He looked horrified. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. I didn't mean to presume." He climbed over me, out of the bed, and threw on his pants. I rolled out of bed and approached him from behind, meaning to embrace him immediately but pausing. For the first time I noticed the series of scars on his back. Some were smooth and parallel, perhaps from a whip or other weapon, some were jagged - from some other form of torture? Perhaps long fingernails? I ran my fingers across one of the jagged ones and felt him shudder, his shoulders slumping a bit more. I didn't need our bond to feel his misery.
I stepped closer and slid my arms around his back, covering his heart with my right hand. I kissed a scar, and leaned into his back, rubbing the side of my face against his back. He didn't encourage me, but didn't resist. "I'm not rejecting you, Qui-Gon. I do want you. I need you." He relaxed slightly and turned around in my arms, wrapping his long arms around me. My voice cracked as I looked up into his eyes, "I love you, Qui- Gon, and I want to be your lover. But the Force has given me a warning. I must listen to it."
"The Force is telling you not to be my lover?"
I nuzzled his neck with my nose. It was so tempting to toss aside the warning and let this man bury himself inside me. I struggled to find my center once again and searched my feelings. "It is not saying 'no,' it is saying 'not now.' Please understand, this is difficult for me as well." I looked up at him. "Please don't shut me out. It feels so very good to feel your presence in my mind."
He tightened his embrace and lowered his shields ever so slightly. I wanted more, but this was a start.
A warning buzz sounded from the cockpit, and I pulled away from him slowly. "We're about to drop out of hyperdrive. Perhaps we should dress before we reach Alderaan?"
The side of his mouth curled up in humor. I laughed - the smirk that annoyed me so much when I was his Padawan was a beautiful sight now. We dress
ed and started to make our way into the cockpit area, when he halted in his tracks so suddenly I almost ran into him. As he turned to face me, a look of shock came over his face. "No! We cannot land. Obi-Wan, put the ship into orbit when we fall out of hyperdrive."
"Of course, Master," I said, falling into old habits after hearing his commanding voice. "Qui-Gon. Why?"
"The ship has been sabotaged. Darth..."
"No, don't! I do not want to know his name," I said, my voice shaking a bit. I was in denial about the Sith and wanted to keep that bit of comfort.
He nodded, perhaps he understood, perhaps not. It was difficult to tell. His thoughts focused inward as he went on. "The Sith placed a bomb on this ship, set to go off on landing. He wanted to maximize the destruction."
"I'm sure he was very talented. Can you disarm it?"
"Yes. I must try to remember..." he said, and the realization hit me. He'd have to tap into memories he had been trying to suppress for the past days. Could he bring back the Sith's memories selectively? His master tried to weave Qui-Gon's memories into the Sith clone, and eventually Qui-Gon's entire essence prevailed.
Qui-Gon proved the stronger of the two beings, but I was still uncomfortable with the proposition, and I could see Qui-Gon was as well.
"I'm going to close our bond as I access the memories," he said.
"You should leave it open and draw upon my strength."
He gave me a pained look. "I have no wish to taint you. You have no idea…"
"I think I do."
"Obi-Wan..."
"I am no longer a young padawan in need of protection. I am a Jedi Master. Let me help you."
Seconds ticked away as I watched him, his expression inscrutable. Finally, he nodded. "Very well. But if something goes wrong, you must pull away."
"If something goes wrong, we shall fight the Sith together. Don't argue with me!" I added as he tried to interrupt. I reached for his hand. "I am not going to lose you again. Not after all this. You wouldn't leave me alone again, would you?"
It was a plea he couldn't resist. "No, I will not leave you alone again." He gave my hand a quick squeeze, and I started to move toward the cockpit, but he held on to my hand. "Obi-Wan, please forgive me for anything you might see or feel."
"Of course," I said softly. "But you know there is nothing to forgive."
"We shall see," he said, and he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and another on the lips, and rushed to the engine room.
Once in the cockpit, I pulled out of hyperdrive, and notified the control tower at Alderaan that the ship would be orbiting indefinitely, giving them no reason. The Alderian who took my call started to question why, but a touch of Force in my voice quieted her. I could not afford distractions.
When the ships movements stabilized, he started his work. I considered going to the engine room to be with him, but thought my presence might be distracting to him.
I felt the echo of the Sith through our bond. He needed to concentrate on the Sith's memories, not me. And he needed to do it quickly.
He sifted through the memories quickly, and though I received flashes through the bond, very little detail came through. The flash of two lightsabers clashing, a darkened passageway on a ship, a fierce battle in the distance, Anakin's face, the dark figure of the Sith Master. The Sith's feelings of fear and anger and dread leaked through as well, and I felt Qui-Gon anchor himself to me has he attempted to control his aversion. When he faltered I sent strength. When he tried to hide from the memories, I sent love. And when he finally found the memories he sought, I assured him he was up to the task.
He was, of course. Once he had the right memories, he made quick work of the bomb, and soon joined me in the cockpit. I placed my hand over his as he sunk into the co- pilot's seat. He was dazed, and a bit shaken from what had just happened, but he was still my former Master, and our bond was still open.
I grabbed the com on the ship. "This is Obi-Wan Kenobi, requesting permission to land at the main Alderaanian hanger."
"Copy, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Please state the names of all your passengers and the nature of your cargo."
"There is no cargo beyond personal belongings. The passengers are myself and Qui-Gon Jinn."
There was a long pause before she answered. "Permission granted, General Kenobi. I have informed Senator Organa of your arrival. "
"Thank you. Kenobi out."
I replaced the com before she could answer, and prepared to land.
Compared to the previous terror, the landing was uneventful. Obi-Wan was a superb pilot, and managed to bring the transport down while holding my hand and continually touching my mind. He was always reaching out to me, doing his best to comfort and soothe me.
I hated it.
I hated being weak, hated being dependent, hated the nightmares that haunted me every night. I hated trying to fight the dark presence that was watching me, waiting for any sign of weakness.
I hated Sidious, and I hated Obi-Wan for not killing me back on Naboo.
Hate leads to the Dark side. It has a strong presence on the path back to the Light, too.
He powered down the ship and began talking in his cultured, seductive voice. My chest tightened at the sound; he was talking about Bail Organa, Queen Amidala, a baby named Luke. They all patiently waited for us in the hanger dressed in their finery. I didn't care. I wanted to hear my Obi-Wan talk to me the way he used to. I wanted to him to ask me for advice or permission. I wanted him to disagree with me, to sneer at the strays I used to pick up, to tell me I wasn't old.
I wasn't old, not any more. Physically, I didn't look more than a handful of years older than my Obi-Wan. Mentally, I felt more like a pathetic life form than the Jedi Master who would bring it home.
I hated myself.
But I didn't have time to think about it right now. Obi-Wan was standing, holding out his hand to help me get up. I stood, avoiding his gaze and ignoring the outstretched hand. I didn't need his help; I didn't. I glanced one more time out the cockpit window. They were waiting for me, waiting to see the abomination that was once a Jedi Master.
As we disembarked the transport, I noticed I walked a half step behind my former apprentice.
They were watching me, I knew it. Not just the royal landing party, but everyone in the hanger. The mechanics, the pilots and passengers, security personnel, janitors, travelers, and everyone else on Alderaan who had the day off. I couldn't see any of them; in fact, the hanger looked quite empty. But their eyes burned into me. They saw everything, even through my raised hood and my tightly closed shields.
As we approached the reception committee, Obi-Wan stopped and backed up so he'd be next to me. A tall, thin man dressed in blue velvet stepped forward to greet us. This must be Bail Organa. He offered some formal words of greeting, paused for a moment, and pulled Obi-Wan into an embrace. My Obi-Wan.
Well, that got my attention. He was touching my Obi-Wan. And my Obi-Wan was touching him back. I heard a dull roar of anger in my mind, and pushed away the darkness creeping upon me. Organa finally pulled away, and started toward me.
He never made it. Queen Amidala stepped between us. "Is this the Sith, General Kenobi?" she asked.
"This is no Sith your highness," Obi-Wan answered. "This is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. I believe you have met before."
"That cannot be. Qui-Gon Jinn is dead, " she said flatly. "This... creature... must be a clone. Must I remind you of the Alliance's policy on clones?"
There was an infinite pause. I was frozen; torn between shame and anger; between the desire to flee and the need to defend myself. Finally, Organa spoke up. "If Obi-Wan believes this man is Qui-Gon Jinn, that is enough for me. We should trust his judgment."
The Queen turned toward Obi-Wan, accusation in her eyes. "We trusted his judgment with Anakin."
Obi-Wan winced. It seems that she blamed him for Anakin's turn to the Dark side. Entirely. After indulging Anakin's whims, and arguing with Obi-Wan about his training... I shuddered. I shouldn't know that. I ignored the thoughts and tried to focus on the present.
Obi-Wan composed himself and replied, "Our training bond is still active, and this man's Force signature is Qui-Gon's. There is no darkness in him."
Where had my Obi-Wan learned to lie so smoothly?
"Qui-Gon is no threat, Amidala," said Organa, softly. "Besides, we have more urgent issues to discuss. The reason Obi-Wan is here..."
"Luke and," said Obi-Wan.
"I have not decided yet!" interrupted Amidala. Her voice wavered and her jaw trembled. It was astounding! Never before had I seen her lose composure, not for a moment, except...
An image hit me, a sudden flash of the pregnant queen in distress - captured, frightened for her unborn child...
My mind reeled, and I dropped to my knees retching. Obi-Wan was next to me instantly, holding me, stroking my back.
"Perhaps now is not the best time," I heard him say. I could feel his hands on my face, but his voice sounded muffled and distant. "Qui-Gon and I have been through a difficult experience and need to meditate. Can you have someone show us to our quarters?"
"Of course, right away!" answered Organa.
"Can you walk?" whispered Obi-Wan, as he helped me to my feet. He reached out for me again through our bond.
I yanked myself away from him. "I am perfectly capable of walking without your help." I felt the concern through our bond, and pushed that away. I was a Jedi Master; I could take care of myself.
They all fled, all except Obi-Wan, who was still next to me, offering his help, reaching out through our bond. The Darkness in my mind reached forward to claim more of me. I reluctantly let Obi-Wan in; in a moment, he brushed away the other presence without effort. Ashamed, I tightened my shields again. I should be able to do that myself.
"Qui-Gon, please," he whispered. "There's no shame in needing help. Not after what you've been through." I ignored him.
A small hovervehicle was summoned, and we were sped away to our quarters. No one was present in the hall; still, I pulled my hood over my face. Opening myself up to Obi- Wan for those brief moments allowed me to clear my thoughts and perceive reality. I knew now the eyes I felt upon me were nothing but paranoia. No one was staring at me in the hanger, no one was in the corridor watching me. It didn't matter, though. I knew that no matter where I went, people would be staring, pointing, whispering. There's the Sith. There's the man who killed my Uncle. The man who helped destroy the Jedi Temple. Don't look at him, he can kill you with his gaze.
We finally arrived outside our quarters. Organa set the palmlocks to Obi-Wan's, and ordered a servant to bring food and clothing to our quarters. I watched as he embraced my Obi-Wan before leaving.
The room - I should say suite - was opulent. The common area was larger than the quarters we shared as Master and Padawan back on Coruscant. There was a full kitchen, a hedonistic bathroom with a sunken tub, two bedrooms richly decorated in silk, and a sitting room in back, full of old-fashioned books and other intellectual pleasures. Obi- Wan was obviously held in high esteem on Alderaan.
"These quarters are really something," he said, inspecting the bedroom closest to the entrance. "Which do you prefer - this room, or the one in back? Or perhaps we should ask for something finer?"
Which bedroom do I prefer? Was he implying we weren't going to stay together? Did he choose that bedroom because it would be easier for Bail Organa to sneak in and out?
"You and Bail were..." I couldn't bring myself to say the word lovers. Obi-Wan stopped at the bedroom's entrance, frowning. The darkness crept upon me again. "You two were lovers!" I spat out. His frown deepened. "We were good friends. We are good friends. That friendship was a great comfort after..."
"After I became one with the Force." I finished for him.
I stared at him, fighting to remain calm. Was he lying to me? "How could you, Obi- Wan?" I raged. "How could you take comfort in another man's arms when my soul was trapped in that dark Force-prison? When, when... Do you know what Sidious did to me? Do you know how he bonded himself to me?" I gripped his tunic and shook him. Everything before me blurred and became white-hot for a moment. I breathed, tried to center myself.
I couldn't.
I pushed him backwards a few paces, until the silk-covered bed tripped him into a sitting position. I hauled him to the bed's center, straddling him, pinning him. He would be mine, only mine.
He looked up at me, questioning, patient. So vulnerable! Did he look that way for his other lovers? I pulled his body against mine and made his lips mine. I devoured his mouth and thrust my tongue into him, claiming him, trying to erase the thought of any other man or woman kissing my Obi-Wan. He was mine.
He began to kiss me back, winding his tongue around mine. He tasted sweet, suddenly, and my anger began to melt away, my kiss became less bruising. I was lost when he pressed his body into mine and tangled his fingers in my hair. He started reaching out through our bond again, and I was ready to accept him this time, but he pulled away.
"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry," I said, grasping at his fleeting presence. I had been a fool, becoming angry with him, pushing him away. "What you did before doesn't matter anymore."
"I've never..." he started.
I was ashamed, suddenly and completely. I loosened my hold and eased my weight off him. "You and Bail weren't lovers."
He cringed, and tightened his shields a little more.
I suddenly realized what he was saying, cupped his face with my hand and turned it toward mine. "You've never.... with anyone? But why Obi-Wan? Surely others have found you attractive." Attractive? Hardly a suitable word. Beautiful, enchanting, soul searing. "You've never found anyone suitable?"
He hesitated, looking up at me, his eyes searching for something. Wondering if he could trust me? "I've always been in love with you. I never knew if you returned my feelings, but it never seemed right with anyone else." He looked away again, as if he was afraid of my reaction.
His confession was overwhelming. He loved me, for all those years. My heart ached to see him hide from me, my strong Obi-Wan, a Jedi Master, made so vulnerable by a simple confession. I moved closer and captured his lips under mine.
"I loved you, Obi-Wan, I always did, and still do." Another kiss. "I meant to approach you after you were knighted, but... I'm afraid I don't have much to offer you now."
"Are you offering your love?" There was hope in his eyes.
"Even my love is tainted, Obi-Wan."
"I've waited too long to let you go now. Let me in, Qui-Gon. "
He tried to say something else, but I silenced him with my lips. His body melted against mine, his erection pushed against my hip. Force, this felt so good, so right. There was no darkness here; the evil presence in my mind had retreated and my bond with Obi-Wan began to sing.
I unfastened his belt and pushed away his tunic. My hands roamed over his chest and back, relishing the feel of his hard muscles under his smooth skin. His head fell back; he bared his body to me and I took everything he offered as my mouth and hands roamed over his chest and neck.
I wanted this to be perfect for Obi-Wan, and for me. In a way, it was a first time for me as well. There had been no lovers since I had taken Obi-Wan as my Padawan; the few before then had faded from memory. And this body had only known abuse and torture from Sidious.
But none of that mattered now - not with my Obi-Wan writhing beneath me. I worked my way down past his navel, nuzzled his groin through his thick leggings, inhaling his musky male scent. My hands slid underneath his waistband and pulled his cock free. I ran my thumb along his length and licked a drop of liquid off the tip. Oh, the taste of him almost overwhelmed me. If the Force had taste, this would be it.
I was about to take him in my mouth when I felt a gust of air. The door to our quarters had opened, and someone rushed into the bedroom. It was Bail Organa. Who else would it be?
He paused at the door, and took a moment to realize what we were doing. "I'm sorry for interrupting your... meditation."
Obi-Wan propped himself up on his elbows. "What is it?" he asked impatiently.
"It's Amidala. She decided to let you take Luke and hide him away. You must hurry, Obi-Wan, before she changes her mind. We've readied a ship, it's waiting for you in Hanger 12."
"We will be down presently," Obi-Wan replied, coolly.
Bail exited the quarters. Obi-Wan pulled his clothes together and slid off the bed.
I shot him a questioning glance. "Anakin's children, Luke and Leia. They're strong in the Force, almost as strong as Anakin. They will surely be a target of the Emperor some day. I feel the best course of action is to separate them and hide them away. Amidala loathes the idea, but agreed to let me hide away one child, Luke."
"There are two children?" I asked.
"Yes, twins," he answered as he checked his gear.
"Sidious only knows of one child, the boy."
The tension seemed to melt from Obi-Wan's shoulders as a smile slowly spread across his face. "Perhaps there is hope, after all," he whispered. He looked at me again, eyes bright. "Are you ready to go, Qui-Gon?"
"I cannot go with you," I said.
"Why?"
"I am still bonded to Sidious. I have tried to break the bond, but I cannot, I am not strong enough."
"We can break the bond together, once we're in hyperspace. If we work together we cannot fail."
"We don't know that for certain, Obi-Wan."
"I cannot leave you alone."
"You will do what you must, Obi-Wan. You need to hide the child. My presence will only endanger the mission, and alert Sidiuos to Luke's location."
I stood up and cradled his face in my hands. "It is your duty, my Obi-Wan. Take Luke, hide him away. Cd Amidala, the babies they held, and a single, battered transport. Obi-Wan's pace slowed has he approached the Queen.
"Good bye, my Luke, good bye!" she whispered to the baby in her arms, showering the boy with kisses. "I will always love you, my little one."
She gave the baby one last hug, and slowly, reluctantly handed him to Obi-Wan. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, and her jaw trembled slightly. Obi-Wan took the baby, and Organa immediately slid Leia into Amidala's arms. Leia began to cry as Amidala clutched her to her chest. Obi-Wan reached out and soothed Leia with a touch of the Force, then reached up to wipe a tear from Amidala's cheek. He said nothing - what could he say at that moment? What could anyone say?
He turned toward me for a moment, and we both slowly raised our shields, closing the bond between us. It hurt, but they would have to remain that way until he returned, to lessen the chance of Sidious ever finding the child's location.
Intense loneliness washed over me as I watched him go. I retreated to our quarters, leaving Amidala and Organa in the hanger. Much meditation would be needed if I were to survive the next few days without my Obi-Wan by my side. I thanked the Force for giving him a warning yesterday. If we were already lovers, neither of us could have been born to be separated from each other. The mission would have certainly failed.
The suite was cold without Obi-Wan. I dropped my robe, stripped off my outer tunic, and collapsed on the bed. It had been an exhausting day. Obi-Wan's scent and his residual Force presence were still on the silken sheets. I clutched the sheet, curled up, and instantly fell asleep.
I woke, my gummy eyes slowly focusing on a figure in front of me. No, five figures; one handmaiden and four heavily armed guards.
The handmaiden spoke. "You will come with me now, Sith."
It was Rabe. "I would prefer not to," I answered.
She reached out and smacked me across the face. It stung; she was surprisingly strong for her small size. "You will pay for your crimes, Sith. Do you recall what you did to Sabe?"
Sabe, the Queen's decoy. The Sith had captured her when she was a stand-in for the Queen. When he discovered she was only a decoy, he killed her It was not a quick death either. He prolonged her agony mercilessly. I could hear the echo of her screams even now.
I retched again. Every time I remembered, I became ill, weak. The darkness crept forward, claiming more of me. Still, I held my temper.
"I would like to speak to Bail Organa or Amidala."
"The Queen is in seclusion, mourning. Bail is off-planet. Right now I am in charge."
I doubted that, but there were four men with laser rifles pointing at me. Not that it mattered - Obi-Wan's lightsaber was clipped to my belt. If I wanted to, I could kill Rabe and the four guardsmen before they wounded me. But that would only prove that I really was what they accused me of being.
"I will go with you," I said, rising. Accepting my fate should have demonstrated my innocence, but that fact didn't occur to my captors.
They made me strip completely, giving me only a pair of worn prisoner leggings to wear. They bound my hands and feet to a collar they strapped on my neck. I was led down endless corridors, through the maze of prison cells. We stopped at cell 1143, and one of the guardsmen pushed me into the small chamber.
The door closed behind me, leaving me in complete darkness. The cell was small enough so that I could not stand up straight, or lay down stretched out. It was cold, too; my feet started to become numb from the icy temperature of the plasteel floor. I sat in a corner and curled my knees to my chest. The Darkness waiting to claim my soul asserted itself once again.
I closed my eyes, reaching for my memories of Obi-Wan. The young boy who was willing to sacrifice his life for mine, the apprentice who watched my back in battle, the Jedi Master who declared his love for me the day before. I wanted to reach out to him, to feel his soothing touch again, but duty prevented me from trying. I hoped the memories would sustain me until he returned. I hoped my Obi-Wan would return to me soon.
Others might find it odd that I took Luke to Tatooine. Qui-Gon and I had found Anakin on that wasted planet, and hiding his son there seems reckless and stupid but it was actually an easy choice for me to make. Anakin vowed never to return to Tatooine, and, as a witness to his oath, I believed him. It was also the last place anyone would ever think of looking.
I left Luke in the care of Beru and Owen Lars, a couple who had just lost their son in an accident. They seemed thrilled to accept the baby; especially Beru, who had been rescued by Shmi Skywalker as a young girl many years ago. Shmi had used the money won by Anakin in the pod race to buy her from the cruel treatment of Gardula the Hutt. She saved Beru from a slave's life, but sealed her own doom. Watto sold her to Jabba the Hutt, who had her thrown in a Rancor pit for the crowd's amusement.
Anakin had a premonition about her death, and although he had been ordered not to go, he abandoned his mission, stole a ship, and sped to Tatooine. He arrived just in time to see his mother devoured. I followed him, and arrived just in time to see him annihilate his mother's captors.
Later I found out Shmi's death was Anakin's trial, much like my encounter with the Sith, and Xanatos' encounter with his father. Anakin failed, not because he couldn't save his mother, but because he let his anger consume him afterwards. I almost turned to the dark side then as well. To think the Jedi would let Shmi die for the sake of testing my Padawan was... was....
Then came the wars, and the destruction of the Temple. I shuddered involuntarily, not wanting to relive a moment more. The important thing now was that Luke would be safe with Beru.
With the baby safely deposited, I began to worry about Qui-Gon. Alderaan was less than a day away; I felt it necessary to take a detour to Xcestic IV, to pick up some rare supplies and clear the transport's computer so no one would trace my path. Sidious wasn't the only one looking for the children of Anakin Skywalker.
I spent little time in the Xcestic market, using Force manipulation to get the best bargains on non-perishable foods and a special grade of long-lasting fuel cells. I spent a restless night on the planet, and left a little more than twelve hours after arriving. It should be enough time for the residual memory in the ship's computer to clear itself. I set my course for Alderaan, and hoped Qui-Gon was safe. I had a bad feeling about this.
I woke when the cell door opened. Harsh, artificial light streamed into the chamber, creating a glaring halo around a small robed figure. It was Rabe.
"Sleep well?" she asked. "You should tell us you name, so we can address you properly."
"My name is Qui-Gon Jinn."
"Doesn't your name begin with... Darth?"
I coughed, trying to cover up the panic. Every memory of the Sith drove me closer to the Dark Side, or closer to insanity. I longed for Obi-Wan's touch, but would not reach out to him; I would do nothing to make Sidious aware of the Luke's location.
She had said something while I was thinking of Obi-Wan, and I hadn't heard it. I didn't have an answer for her, so she rewarded me with a slap to the face. The Queen's handmaidens were surprisingly strong for their small stature.
"Do you remember what you did to Sabe? Or did you think you really captured the Queen?" She hit me again, this time with the butt end of her weapon. "We would never allow anyone to take Amidala. You must know that Sabe was still alive when we found her? It took her three days to die."
She turned her face away and moved back. Two guards stepped forward. One had a weld gun; he began to work on filling the lock mechanisms in shackles. When he finished, he attached the chain to the wall. The man with the needle waited until the welder was done, then darted forward to shoot me in the neck. He quickly retreated, as if he was frightened of me.
The substance he injected in me was a Force inhibitor. It was supposed to excite certain neurons, making it impossible to relax and feel the Force, but it didn't work nearly as well as the smugglers claim. A fully functional Jedi would hardly notice the effect. But in my weakened state, with the memories of a Sith in the corner of my mind, my shields blocking my thoughts from my Obi-Wan, it made me nauseous.
Rabe was waiting, a small, cruel smile on her face. "Three days for Sabe, three days for you? Or perhaps I'll wait until your precious Obi-Wan comes back, so he can watch you die, like I watched Sabe die." She pulled out a small weapon, and shot me.
The bolt hit me in the neck, and something started to burrow its way in, as if it were eating through my flesh. It wrapped around my spine and dug in.
"I have to go now," said Rabe. "But I left you something to keep you company while I'm gone. Until tomorrow, Sith." She closed the cell door behind her, leaving me in darkness.
I felt stupid and shortsighted. I had thought that if I went along with what Rabe wanted and allowed her to arrest me without a struggle, that she would realize I was Qui-Gon Jinn, an ally instead of a threat. I was hoping she would let me go, or at least treat me kindly during my captivity. It was a fault of mine, always thinking the best of others. I would often chide Obi-Wan for being so cynical about people's nature, but truth be told, he has survived this darkness far better than I would have.
He would not have turned himself over to be taken captive and gotten himself into this mess.
I was trapped now, at Rabe's mercy, chained to the wall like an animal, with a *thing* poking in my spine. I wondered what the device did.
I found out soon enough.
There was a sudden, intense, prolonged pain in my feet. It felt as though someone was pulling my toenails out and driving nails into my arches. I struggled, reaching for whoever or whatever was torturing me. There was nothing there, nothing at all. And then it suddenly stopped. My feet weren't damaged at all. It must have been the device in my neck, sending false signals to my mind.
Over the next hours, I found new depths to torture. Constant pain could be blocked out. Pain administered by a person could be anticipated and dealt with. This was pure torture - the pain was applied at random intervals, in random spots, at random intensities.
A minute after I felt my toenails being pulled out I felt a knife slicing through the skin on my back. Then there was a long wait, and I wondered whether the anticipation was worse than the pain itself. It wasn't. I suddenly felt my testicles being pulled and branded with a hot iron, and I couldn't stop myself from screaming and screaming, and it stopped as suddenly as it began. The torture had just started, and I was already exhausted.
It went on for hours, or days; I had no idea how much time had elapsed. My knees were broken, my fingers twisted and chopped off, my skin was burned and peeled off. Even though I knew it wasn't real, it defeated all my attempts to center myself or block the pain.
After a while I was actually looking forward to seeing Rabe, and began to imagine what terrible things I would do to her if I ever got the chance. I remembered some of what the Sith did to Sabe; I knew Rabe was only seeking revenge for what he did, but I didn't care. I would find a way to make it worse for Rabe. But that was surely the dark side whispering to me, and I knew I must fight it, must hold out until Obi-Wan returned.
Ah, my Obi-Wan. He was responsible for the few moments of peace and pleasure I've had since I was cloned by Sidious. I was sorry for closing him out, for hiding my still existing bond with Sidious from him. I thought he wouldn't understand, that he would reject me or kill me, but I should have known better.
I felt the two bonds in my mind. The dark chain linking me to Sidious was ever present, reminding me of my cruelty and betrayal, pushing me closer to the dark side. I tentatively touched my bond with Obi-Wan, careful not go past my shields. I couldn't feel him, but I could feel the remnants of him, touching me, comforting me, loving me. I reveled in the memories, knowing in that moment that he would come back for me, and all would be right once again.
Then I felt the most intense pain ever. A nail had been driven through my eye, and I screamed - I think I screamed, I must have screamed, and I felt the darkness creeping deeper into my soul. I couldn't hold back any longer, and made a desperate lunge toward the Light, toward my Obi-Wan. The bitter tether binding me to Sidious snapped and somehow I penetrated through all the shields, and my bond with Obi-Wan renewed. I was free of Sidious! I was free from the dark side, and once again I felt the Force, the Light, Obi-Wan's love.
The pain in my eye subsided immediately, and I shut down the torture device permanently; a surprisingly simple matter now that I was firmly centered in the light. I reveled in the joy of my connection to Obi-Wan, and felt his pleasure reflected back, then came a longing, a longing that grew more intense by the moment. It was becoming almost as bad as the torture. The last thing I felt along our bond was an apology, and I began to drift off into a restless sleep.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. All of which lead to the Dark Side. It was all wrong of course. Anakin fell victim to the Dark Side because of love, not hate. And it was not fear or hate or anger that made my former Master a Sith. So I allowed myself to seethe in anger as I searched for Qui-Gon. Jedi Code be damned!
I was already on my way back to Alderaan when the bond broke through my shields. I felt panic, then pain, then desire through our bond. Qui-Gon was physically unhurt, but exhausted, in pain, and extremely agitated. He seemed to relax when I sent him reassurances, but soon we both grew tense. He did more than break through our shields, he began a life bond, one that would soon be screaming for completion. There was no sense in letting us both suffer the pain of separation. I put him to sleep, reluctantly, much like the way he put me to sleep when I was his Padawan.
The journey would take another four or five hours. I meditated in the pilot's seat for most of that time, fighting off the intense desires growing in me. It took an eternity to reach Alderaan, and I hardly remember landing or disembarking.
The hanger was empty, Qui-Gon was missing, Bail was off world, Amidala was "unavailable," and no one could seem answer my questions. My entire body ached, yearning to fulfill our uncompleted bond; I cannot remember feeling this shaken, not even when Anakin suddenly broke off our training bond. I finally found Eris, a young officer who was not very well schooled in the fine art of evading questions.
"Where is Qui-Gon?"
"I'm under orders not to tell you," replied the young man. So this one knew!
"Under whose orders?"
"Can't reveal that either."
I decided we had wasted enough time. "You will take me to Qui-Gon now."
"I will take you to Qui-Gon now."
Weak-minded fool. I made a mental note to warn Bail about this one later.
He led me down to the holding cells in the lower levels of the palace. The prison floor was an intricate maze of passageways, designed so that if a prisoner managed to escape, he would still not be able to find his way out of the area.
Even though Eris had a map, he managed to lose his way several times before we found the cell, adding to my fury. We finally arrived at Qui-Gon's cell, and I pushed Eris aside as he tried to fumble with the keypad that would open the door. I opened it instead, blasting the lock and door with the Force. A touch of the Force would have been sufficient, but I enjoyed causing the minor explosion.
Qui-Gon sat huddled on the floor in the dark cell, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light. He was stripped to the waist, in chains and a collar, with several bruises on his face and a gash on his lip. He looked exhausted.
He looked beautiful.
His restraints were welded on, so I pulled out my lightsaber to cut the chains from the cell wall. Waves of lust hit me when I moved close to him; he hadn't bathed in a few days, and his scent was strong, strongly Qui-Gon, and it nearly drove me mad. When the chains were free from the wall, I deactivated my 'saber and pulled him out of the prison cell.
I wanted to free his wrists from the shackles, but I was shaking with passion and didn't trust myself to use the lightsaber that close to his flesh. Besides, he somehow had his arms around me, and holding me, grinding our bodies together. I kissed his bruised lips and tasted blood, his blood, and I was hard, so hard, grinding my cock against his hip.
"Now, Obi-Wan, now," he growled.
Yes, now. I pulled his leggings down and grabbed his sturdy cock in my hand, and Force it just felt good to touch his skin in such an intimate place. He grabbed my buttocks with his shackled hands and crushed our bodies together, and I moaned, biting his chest just under his collarbone.
Now, I had to have him now.
I somehow managed to untie my leggings and pulled my aching erection out, and he tried to maneuver around to grab it. The shackles and chains thwarted his attempts, and we both fell to the ground in a lusty heap. As I recovered my breath, I noticed his penis hard against my chest, and wriggled down and took it in my mouth.
He groaned, and for a moment I was satisfied just giving him pleasure. There was nothing in the universe for me at that moment, but Qui-Gon's hands tangled in my hair, his delicious moans, and his cock in my mouth.
He came, and came and came, and his cries sounded almost painful. He tasted bitter and sweet, and I consumed every drop.
"Take me, now," he demanded.
I was suddenly aware of my own need once again, as Qui-Gon shifted from under me. He knelt face down, spreading his legs, his buttocks raised at me, so luscious, enticing. I pulled my utility belt toward me with a touch of the Force, and fumbled for a moment, finding a small bottle of oil that wasn't nearly enough lubricant. But it was better than nothing, and I slicked my cock with it.
My fingers found his anus, and he opened for me readily. I shuddered for a moment and thought of how Sidious must have used him. I hesitated....
"Obi-Wan, now!"
It was all I needed. I positioned myself and thrust into him as slow as I could manage, which wasn't very slow at all. He groaned, and pushed himself back onto me. I began pounding him, mindful of my own pleasure and of his, as our bond strengthened. I wanted this to last forever, the moment when our bodies and souls became one, the first time I was truly one with Qui-Gon, one with the Force, and I was no longer centered at myself, but a part of the universe. I came, and it was pure pleasure and pure pain, the ecstasy of knowing, the agony of knowing it would soon end.
And as I drove the last of my fluid into him, I realized the best part of this ecstasy would last forever. He was with me now, as I was with him, and I brushed away the last remnants of the Sith inside him, and he eased my anger as he enveloped me in his warmth and love.
I collapsed on top of him. I wanted to nuzzle his neck and ear, but I could only reach his shoulder blade. His breathing was harsh, as was mine, and we did not speak, because words would uselessly encumber this feeling, this union. We would never be alone again, Qui-Gon and I, and I silently vowed I would never let the Sidious hurt him again.
I started to pull out, but I sensed that he wanted me to stay, just a bit longer, my softening cock inside him, my weight on top of him, my sweat mingled with his. He told me - no, he showed me what had happened to him since I was gone. Rabe would be back soon, and I should prepare for her arrival, but it felt so good to lie on top of Qui-Gon. So good, to finally hold him as my lover, after twenty years of yearning for him.
I groaned as I heard footsteps in the corridor coming toward us. Rabe and two of her henchmen, returning to torture my beloved. The anger returned instantly.
I pulled out, as slow as I could manage, and called my lightsaber. I used it to free Qui- Gon from his shackles, and faced the corridor just as Rabe and her henchmen rounded the corner. She seemed startled for a moment, and I took that opportunity to send their weapons flying down the corridor and pin her guards against the wall.
Stepping forward, I took a moment to pull up and tie my leggings, which had bunched up around my boots. I didn't mind being undressed, but they restricted my movement, made me vulnerable in a fight. And there would be a fight. Rabe would have killed Qui-Gon, and I couldn't let that go unpunished. Qui-Gon didn't seem to disagree either. It wasn't the path of the light side and it went against the Code, but neither of us cared. We didn't have the luxury of compassion in this universe.
Rabe finally recovered her composure and stared at me. She was about to call for back- up, and I was not going to let her.
"What is going on here?" asked a voice, coming from behind Rabe.
Rabe stepped to the side as Bail Organa and his small entourage came into view.
"We were checking on our prisoner, and he, Kenobi, attacked us," reported Rabe.
Had Bail ordered this? Whose side was he on? I hoped he was at least neutral; I'd hate to have to kill him too. "Their 'prisoner' is my bondmate, and according to the Jedi Code it is my duty to protect and avenge him." The Jedi Code said nothing of the sort, but no one except Qui-Gon would know that. "Handmaiden Rabe arrested and tortured him without reason, and planned to kill him today. She is lucky she is still alive."
"We'll work this out later!" he snapped. "Rabe, take your guards, go back to the Amidala's quarters, and don't come out until I call for you. Obi-Wan, you and Qui-Gon go back to your own quarters. I will deal with all of you tomorrow morning."
Rabe and her guards retreated quickly. "I'd like to leave tonight," I said.
"No!" His word was final.
"Wait," I said, using the Force to pull the small weapon out of Rabe's belt. It took me only a moment to figure out how to remove the ugly device out of Qui-Gon's neck. Qui-Gon covered his small wound, and I handed the ugly thing to Bail. "Proof of the torture."
Bail nodded and strode out. We followed him to the main floor of the palace and found our room.
Qui-Gon palmed the door closed behind us and I collapsed into his arms. My tension had been the only thing holding me up, and now that my tasks were finished, my strength left me. I was relieved that I didn't have to kill Rabe or Bail, or anyone else. We lived in savage times, but I couldn't, I wouldn't give in to the Dark Side. Thank the Force Qui- Gon was there to support me. That we were together, to hold each other up.
"Are you sorry?" he asked as he pulled me down on the bed and unbuckled the straps on my boots.
"Sorry? Not for the bond. I'm sorry for the way it happened, on the floor outside your prison cell. Rutting like animals."
He continued to undress me, and I was surprised to find myself becoming aroused again, despite my exhaustion. I was thirty-seven standard years old, and my bondmate looked just slightly older, yet we were embracing each other, suckling on random bits of skin, stroking and caressing, achingly hard once again. The demands of our bond and our flesh were greater than our need to rest.
He was gentle and slow as he pushed me on my back and prepared me for penetration. "Are you a virgin, Obi-Wan?" he asked, incredulously, feeling how tight my opening was.
I admitted I was; after all, wars needed to be fought, the galaxy needed saving, and the chosen one needed training, and who had time for sex during all that? He laughed and slid into me, and it hurt, it hurt more than I thought it would with all the oil he used, but the pain was exquisite and I didn't want it to end. He came inside me just as his oiled hand brought me to completion, and I fell asleep almost immediately after, with my legs around his waist, and his head resting on my chest.
We woke up happy and sore the next morning, and without a word between us, we knew it was time to leave Alderaan. We packed in minutes, left a message for Bail, and loaded our small transport. We were about to close the ramp when we heard Bail shouting for us.
"Wait, you can't go yet!"
"We thought it would be best," Qui-Gon replied.
"I'm sorry for what happened to you, Qui-Gon, and give you my word it won't happen again."
"It's all right, Bail. We know it's not your fault, and it's not entirely Rabe's fault." I felt more generous, since she would no longer be a concern. "She truly thought Qui-Gon was still a Sith, and so do many others. We're leaving so we don't cause any more trouble here." I glanced back at Qui-Gon. "That, and we must find a place to hide from Sidious, and we don't want to put Alderaan in danger."
"Please, stay another day," he pleaded.
It was tempting, to stay and enjoy the luxury for just a little while longer. But one day had a way of turning into two, then more, and Qui-Gon and I had a job to do. I declined reluctantly.
He nodded, accepting the explanation. "Well, then, may the Force be with you!" he said gravely as he embraced both of us. "You are welcome back here any time." I was glad we were leaving on good terms, at least with Bail.
He backed away and allowed us to finish preparing for take-off. We strapped ourselves in and took off without looking back. "Where are we going," asked Qui-Gon, "if we're to hide from Sidious?"
"Hide? Did I say hide? I meant hunt." I smiled at my bondmate, and he laughed back. "Unless you think it's a bad idea?" I knew the answer, but had to ask him anyway.
"It is our duty, my Obi-Wan," he said. For the first time since his rebirth, he sounded like the Jedi Master I remembered. "Besides, I promised I would never to leave you again."
There was a lump in my throat, and I would have cried if I had tried to speak. He knew, though, he knew what I was feeling, and he smiled as he set the ship's coordinates before our jump into hyperspace. I had no idea where our ship was headed, but I knew exactly where Qui-Gon was leading me when he stood up and took my hand. It would be many days before we reached our destination, he told me, and we had a lot of time to make up.
It would be a difficult road ahead for the both of us, but I didn't mind. There would be rewards, I thought, as I drew him closer after our lovemaking. The greatest reward of all would be these moments with my bondmate, my lover, my best friend. We would never have to face our burdens alone again.
End