If you won't or can't archive by link, talk to me.
Summary: The planet Trikell is renowned for two things
throughout the Republic; the enormous flying, fire-breathing
Drakons that are its primary race, and the power of its Seers.
It is here Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Qui-Gon Jinn are
sent to attend The Fifth Millennial celebration of Trikell's
Queen Mother as an easy mission after the Naboo nightmare. But
it turns into a mission of an entirely different kind even
before it has even begun.
Disclaimers: If it's Star Wars, it's not mine. The rest is.
Dedicated to Master Elayna and Hiperbunny, for so many reasons
beyond what's mentioned.
Notes: It's 100% Phantom Menace ... with Dragons :) Hey, this
is Rauhnee writing, what did you expect; a Furry-free story?
Groveling many thank yous to Master Elayna who went way
beyond the call of grammar beta duty helping me figure out Duck
sex a little while ago, and listened to me whine and bitch
though my latest writer's anxiety crisis. She's also the only
reason this thing stayed in person and tense.
Thanks also to HiperBunny, for the beta, inspiration, and the
reason I stay in the fandom when things get busy and I realize
that 2/3 of my mail is SW and never read. Oh, and for telling
me this thing was 'SO COOL' after said beta.
Dixie, I know this isn't what you had in mind, but ...
| Seer Telepathy |
:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: Tal'srt'a's sleeping den in the Royal Spires of Trikell
::
Obi-Wan Kenobi. Qui-Gon Jinn. These are not names I would
normally expect to dream of, for no Drakon would call their
hatchling such a thing. I certainly would not expect to dream
of them so incessantly on the eve of our Most Holy Queen
Mother's Fifth Millennium with her heir in some question.
But here I lay in my Septsilk and Mirrin-down lined nest night
after night and dream of these two ... Humans. Jedi. Two souls
in incredible pain by separation. Unable to speak the same
language or see the other for what he is, they fight side by
side against the Great Darkness and do their best confronting
the impossible. Then they face each other and their Light in
understanding obliterates that Dark.
The Force wills me to be a matchmaker again. And it's not being
all that subtle about it this time. I can taste the urgency and
blunt power associated with this demand.
Now all I have to do is find these two Jedi, and get
them in bed. This had better not lead me off world. Jedi are
harder to catch than flitbugs.
For my Master's sake, I wish I could say in honesty that I was
sorry to learn that Anakin died when he blew up the Trade
Federation control ship, but I cannot. I am grateful to him for
saving all of us. I wish him the best as part of the Force. I
cannot grieve that he is no longer part of this world. That he
is no longer a challenge to my place as Master Qui-Gon Jinn's
Padawan, a place I have always understood just how tenuous my
hold on is.
For no matter what my Master said, I was not and am not ready
for my Trials. The very fact that I can be glad for a child's
death tells me this. For that, I would question my suitability
to be even a Jedi Padawan, but I have fought too hard and too
long to have this braid. I will not surrender it without the
demand from my Master, whether it be to my Knighting or my
dismissal from the Jedi.
A demand he would have made by now if he was going to.
I almost wish he would, for either way, I could at least
approach him with what I believe is in my soul. Even if he
refused me, again, I have proven persistence can prevail on
some level with him. And I am nothing if not persistent.
Force, why must I desire the one creature in the universe that
I find so impossible to understand?
:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: Great Library in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
"Yes, I know it is an odd request," I do my best to display my
displeasure without actual fire. The books tend not to
appreciate it, the bookkeepers even less. The small brilliant
red male at the Central GalcNet Link has apparently not quite
gotten the concept down that Seers may ask for anything, and
get it quickly. But then I cannot expect one less than half a
century old to be that well trained. Or maybe he's just not
used to Seers as young as I am. "Just find their next
assignment. I do not care how."
"Yyes Seer Tal'srt'a." Now I couldn't have frightened him that
badly ...
"You're up early, Tala." The Queen Mother's deep voice chuckles
behind me, explaining without words why the little one is so
nervous. Her silver scales glisten in the predawn light,
reflecting in this world, the Force and her Aura. That five
hundred-foot length, beautiful as it is, is intimidating even
to me, despite my years of close association and deep
knowledge. It's just plain hard not to be a little awed at a
woman whose eye is nearly as big as you are, and the Red is
half of my size.
"The Force Dreams have gotten very incessant, Queen Mother. I
could not sleep." I glance over the Red's shoulder to see the
Jedi's Central Database come up. He's quick. I must remember to
patron this one as I can. The GalcNet is one thing I just don't
get.
He pauses a bit before saying what I saw over his shoulder.
"They are scheduled to come here, Seer, Queen Mother."
"Well, that will save you a trip off planet," she smiles. My
hatred of travel is legend in the Spires after that fire-rant
in the Throne Room. "It is good that I requested Jedi
attendance beyond my own children."
"Yes, Queen Mother, it is very fortuitous." It also explains
why the Force chose me for this.
:: Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master ::
:: His quarters, Trikell Royal Transport ::
I know why we have been assigned this mission.
My behavior recently has been strikingly ... unJedi. I know the
Council suspects what I did and has contacts with the Seers of
Trikell, ready to find the truth within me in a way they
cannot. I am not likely to leave this mission a Jedi, and I
will hold to my oath to die as one.
It is almost ... disturbing how calming that thought is. To be
one with the Force, to be without the gut twisting agony that
my life has become. Ever since that day I couldn't stop myself
from hearing my Padawan talking to another. The words still
sear my soul, "there is no way in hell I'll ever let another
man fuck me."
How could I have missed his disinterest in male lovers? I
thought he'd taken them, but now I cannot recall a single name.
I know he has not in the past six years.
And then, then I could not let go of my desire of him. I still
cannot. It is inexcusable of me, to put myself above my
Padawan, but I cannot help it. I have failed twice now. I will
not allow Obi-Wan to pay for my failings as Xanatos did. He
deserves better than me, he deserves so much better. And Force
as my witness, he will have it.
I cannot even claim insanity or touching the Dark as the cause
of what I have done; killing a child and nearly destroying the
most promising Jedi the Order has seen in generations. All I
have is my own failing, and especially my failure to deal with
myself before it went this far.
I must not fail again.
And if the Force judges me corrupt, I deserve it. At least
Obi-Wan will survive and do well under another Master.
:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: The Seers Hall in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
As First Seer it is my duty to keep up with what the others See
as well as my own visions. I have never been so grateful for
that duty and right, as I am now. The Force is shrieking bloody
deathfire at us all. No Seer I have spoken too has ever heard
of it being this volatile.
The doors are locked, and all are in attendance. It is time to
begin. "Settle Sisters." I sink into my cushions and face the
eight Seers; all larger, older, supposedly wiser than me. But
the Force chose me as the First Seer, and they obey its wishes,
and mine. For when all is said and done, it is the rainbow of
our unity that brings the greatest power.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi." One voice sings out, calling the pieces of
our puzzle together.
"Qui-Gon Jinn." Demands another.
"Jedi."
"Love." I call, feeling our power gather, coalesce, lock into
this moment and all that comes with time.
"Master and Padawan." Our power begins seeking patterns within
us and without.
"Need."
"Pain. Betrayal." Information begins to come in.
"Confusion. Misunderstanding. Death."
"DEATH."
"Self-kill." I can hear my own voice scream as the information
tears through us almost too fast to understand.
"Death."
"Many, his, his, child, guilt. Misunderstanding. Sith. Child.
The Child. Padawan follows Master." The babble is relentless.
"STOP." I can hear our nine voices roar together as our unity
and connection shatters. We have what we need, if only we can
make it happen. Assuming I can make myself move this week. I
hate doing this. My brain always feels like gutfire afterwards.
:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: His quarters, Trikell Royal Transport ::
I am worried about my Master, I cannot help it. He has
withdrawn further than ever before, I can barely sense that he
is alive.
I know losing Anakin distressed him, fighting the Sith
disturbed him, and my actions recently have done nothing to
alleviate this. Perhaps I am not the good little Padawan I try
to be, but I cannot help but feel all that has happened
recently is not a cause so much as an accelerant.
Six years ago, on the rare occasion I could enter The Moment, I
could clearly see our paths intertwined brightly farther than I
could see, ever growing stronger in the Force and closer
together. It was this that made me determined to save something
of myself for him. A silly gesture, maybe, but it was all I had
to keep for him at the time. Did I make the wrong choice?
Should I have explored sex with a man before? It can't
be that simple. But right after that choice, out paths grew
dimmer, still intertwined, but so dim.
Now I look, and all the possibilities seem dark and short
lived. One or two are brighter or longer, but not by much. I
thought that it was going to be Naboo and the Sith that ended
us. Now we are past that, but it is still dark. What can be
worse than a Sith?
I am not looking forward to facing it, whatever it is.
:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: The Seers Hall in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
"Sisters," I wait for their attention. None of us feel very
good right now. "Can we agree on what we have leaned?"
"We have learned that the Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and
Master Qui-Gon Jinn love each other but do not know it."
Xan'ta'man'ki'ta opens wearily. Sometimes I envy her her size
and the acceptability of walking on four legs it brings.
Her younger sister picks up the thread. "One will kill himself,
causing the other to follow and great trouble for all."
"The suicidal one is likely Master Qui-Gon." By'ny'mu added.
"Padawan follows Master and the universe follows them both."
"Yes," I agree. "There is a child, a misunderstanding and great
guilt involved as well. I believe we should guard this Qui-Gon
well while he is here, a Seer and a Guardian at all times. I
will speak with him and his Padawan when the time is right."
"How do you intend to approach them?" Xan'ta'man'ki'ta voices
the question I know they all hold.
"As bluntly as I can."
There are weary approving nods around the circle.
"As my grandsire was fond of saying about trouble," I push
myself to two feet shakily. "Not on my shift. I will speak to
the Queen Mother of this."
:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: Spaceport at the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
I am glad that we are just part of the group this time, the
eldest Drakon Jedi, Master Ty'thri'ku'mo Mython is handling all
the formalities, we just have to bow and move when appropriate.
Master is definitely not paying appropriate attention to the
situation. He seem far too focused on that group of nine very
bright eyed Drakons with their great wings folded over their
shoulders to look like gossamer capes. They're a variety of
colors, but all their manes are dark blue -- females.
The significance of this group, I haven't a clue. But it's very
important to him, and his focus is disturbing. Their
focus is even morose. The smallest of them, a deep blue with
the brightest eyes, I swear she is looking right through me,
understanding every thought I have before it materializes.
And the Force signatures here ...
I've sparred, meditated, even had sex with a Drakon, but they
were all Jedi Drakons. Now I understand what Imm'is'at meant by
Jedi Force feeling odd at first. The Force resonates very
strongly here, and especially in those nine bright eyed Drakon
females, but ... it ... it's like it's a different frequency or
something. It's Force, but it's not the Force I know, not
quite.
There is a lot that is not in the datafile about this world.
:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: Spaceport at the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
Here they come, the only two non-Drakons in the group. Qui-Gon
is the taller one with the long mane of brown and silver.
Obi-Wan must be the other, he looks so young with his mane
cropped like that.
The Master is definitely the suicidal one; his deathwish energy
ripples around him in an angry storm, muted only by the intense
grief at its core. There is almost no life-energy left in him.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
At least the Padawan seems to be in better condition. There is
confusion and many fears, but no interest in leaving this life.
I will start with him. His Light may be the only thing that can
reach his Master at this point.
Hmmm, I'm sure it is.
I'm glad it is nearly night, I can approach Obi-Wan when they
separate for their rest. By'ny'mu and Tr'ayth'am are to guard
his Master for this shift. I hope he does not take too great an
offense at this.
:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: His quarters in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
I must say I was a little surprised to find my bed to be a nest
of silk ribbons and down feathers, but considering where I've
sleep in just the past few weeks, it's very nice, if a touch
hard to get covered up in. Not that the weather is that bad,
even at this altitude.
I've almost gotten comfortable for the third time when the
scratching of claw-backs is at my window again. Discourteous or
not, I just use the Force to open the window and project my
voice enough to be heard, "I appreciate your interest but I am
just not interested in a bed partner right now if you don't
mind."
"Have the hatchlings been bothering you?" A female voice
chuckles in the night just outside. I can feel her Force
signature -- it's the brightest eyed, dark blue female from the
Greeting Ceremony.
"I'm sorry, I ..." I try to haul my uncooperative body out of
its warm place.
"Stay, Obi-Wan." She half-orders as she hops in and curls along
the foot of my nest. "We must talk, of very serious things."
Her eyes glitter with pure Force-power and knowledge. I swear
she's looking right through me again.
"Do you know who or what I am?" She's lounging, her slender
tail is curled around her legs and almost up to my shoulder
along the nest's edge. Her forearms tucked into her ribs at the
elbow and her serpentine neck is stretched up to look me in the
face.
"I'm afraid not. I know you were among a group of nine females
at the Greeting Ceremony."
"Very well, we will start there," she smiles. I think it's a
smile at least, she seems pleased and a little more relaxed.
"My name is Tal'srt'a Mython, I believe you know my cousin,
Ty'thri'ku'mo."
I nod, how could I not know him? One of the only Jedi older
than Yoda, and still a field operative. And almost impossible
to miss with his shimmering black scales, nearly hundred foot
length and wingspan two and a half times that. He's impressive
to say the least.
"I am First Seer to The Queen Mother, a position of great power
and responsibility. I am such at my age because of my gifts for
foreseeing the future and what can be done to change it, and
the Will of the Force.
"The Will of the Force, right now, amounts to fixing your
Master's head."
She can't be serious.
"I am serious," her tail is flicking a little. "I've been
having nightmares for weeks about you two, as have my Sister
Seers -- the eight others you saw me with. This is serious
enough that we have placed a Seer and Guardian to watch your
Master at all times to prevent any suicide attempts until this
is resolved. It is that serious."
She can't be serious, but Force help me, I know it's true. I
can feel it resonate though us like nothing I've experienced.
"Now, let's start with you."
"Me?"
"Well, you're half of this puzzle. Tell me what you feel for
Qui-Gon Jinn."
"I love him," the words are out before I can stop them. I can't
help but suspect that Tal'srt'a has something to do with my
sudden willingness to say it again.
"What do you think Qui-Gon feels for you?" There's a sharpness
in her eyes that's a bit unnerving.
"I'm not sure."
"Okay, same question, different words. Do you think Qui-Gon
loves you, as in a potential mate?"
"No."
"Do you think he could?"
"Possibly. What is the point of this?" I do not like the turn
this is taking. I don't like this at all.
"Finding out where you stand. I know what must happen to avoid
the Darkness that is coming. I need to know where we are to
figure out how to get there."
"All right," I can't help but sigh. "What else do you want?"
"What won't you do to help Qui-Gon. Answer carefully."
There's something in her expression that says I may not like
the results of the only thing I can say; "anything." But it is
true, I will do anything for my Master. Anything at all, even
if I hate myself for it later.
"Then wait here until I summon you. Answer not even to your
Master, for he is not going to like what I am about to
do, to save us all."
She just had to ask that. "I will do my best, but ..."
"We are going to show him the truth he already knows, and
denies in his confusion and pain. He will face the Force in all
its forms, and understand."
I have to ask. "And if he doesn't ..."
"That is not an option. This is not do or die, it is simply
do." She watches me for a moment, I suppose judging my
true willingness and slips out the window, wings wide as soon
as she clears the wall.
The Force leads, I will follow. It's hardly the first time I've
done something I didn't like in its name.
So much for a simple birthday party.
:: Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master ::
:: His quarters in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
I have felt their eyes on me since we arrived. Force-seeing,
Force-enhanced, Force-be-damned.
It's made it quite impossible to meditate, though, truthfully I
have not tried very hard.
One Seer and another Drakon has not been more than a hundred
paces from me once we disembarked. It is most aggravating,
though they are good about making themselves ... less than
obvious. I do not understand, if the Council wished me under
house arrest, why send me from the ... Oh. Because they do not
wish for whatever this will become to sully those hallowed
halls.
I suppose it is for the best.
It is well past dark in these high mountains, the royal palace
of the Drakon. I hear one of my guards' voice for the first
time. "It is time," she is speaking quietly, I suspect to the
female next to her on the roof outside my window. Even I can
hear the resigned dread in her tone.
Whatever this is, I will face it as a Jedi Master. I will not
disgrace the Order or my Padawan any more than I already have.
The Seer opens the great door without knocking, I'm sure she is
well aware that I have known of her watch and that she spoke,
but I do not rise from my meditative pose to great her.
"Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, First Seer of The Queen Mother has
requested your presence in the Seers Hall. Please come with
us."
"Of course, Seer." I have little choice about following them,
as this Seers Hall is one of the few places in the Spires that
I don't know exactly how to reach.
She turns to give me room to leave, and the well-matched pair,
Green and Purple, escort me to this tower's primary landing.
The wind nips at my nose as they walk me to the edge, even with
a touch of Force, I cannot see the bottom.
"Please lay on my back and hold on to my mane or neck," the
Seer draws my attention. "The Seers Hall can only be reached by
flight, it is my duty to see you there."
"I understand," Though I have my doubts that a Drakon barely
twice my height could lift me to the tower she is looking at.
"And the Force decreed through the First Queen Mother that all
will fly and bear the load that is required of them." My second
guard intones in a way that must come from their scriptures.
But she says something of the truth as I feel the Force gather
around us, aiding the Seer I am holding on to lift us
gracefully to that particular tower.
I do not like what I see on the way. Nearly forty Drakons are
airborne with us, circling the tower. I recognize every single
Drakon Jedi, all sixteen of them, among the flyers. There are
several Seers as well by their Force signatures.
:: Tal'srt'a Mython, First Seer to The Queen Mother ::
:: The Seers Hall in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
This is not going to be pleasant.
I can feel it in the Force and in his posture when By'ny'mu
leaves him standing in the center of the room and takes her
place along the shadowed outer walls with us.
"Greetings Qui-Gon Jinn," I draw his attention to the shadow I
am in. "I am the First Seer of The Queen Mother. By the Will of
the Force I have called you to attend this Celant Ceremony
under the full Sisterhood of the Queen Mother's Seers."
He stands very quietly, bathed in the small circle of light in
the center of the room. If I couldn't see him for what he is, I
would believe this was a perfect Jedi Master. He certainly
fakes it well. The ease with which he accepts this is not good.
"Do you understand what that means?" I finally prompt him.
"It is a truth-finding ceremony, based on the Force." He
replies far too calmly. "I understand, and I submit to it."
I can see the Force swirl around him, chaotic ... wrong.
Ah.
I reach out for my Sisters, feel them reaching for each other,
forming a web of Truth-Force around all of us, centered on the
human and me. And the strain as it begins to drain each of us,
rip us apart with the power we draw. No lie, not even one
believed, can exist in the spoken word while we can maintain
the field. And I can hear the unspoken ones.
It is time. And there is little of it.
"Qui-Gon Jinn." I raise my voice with my body, it is odd to
hear it resonate with the power of all of us. The urgency in
this is electric as he sinks to his knees. "Do you love Obi-Wan
Kenobi as a mate would."
"Yes." He does not even try to hide his shame, but ... there is
no shame at this, but something related.
"Do you seek your own death?"
He fights us for a moment before speaking "Yes."
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, stand by Qui-Gon Jinn if that is your desire
in life." He barely looks my direction before joining his
Master. It's ... amazing how much brighter the Force sings with
them together, even just standing in the same room. But the
Dark disturbance is not weaker.
It's not exactly standard procedure, but this is hardly a
standard event. The effect is rather startling on his Master; I
can feel the fear radiating off him, then shame, guilt,
acceptance and a deep wish for death.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, do you love Qui-Gon Jinn as a mate would?"
"Yes." There is no shred of hesitation in him.
Qui-Gon looks up, totally confused. A memory flickers to the
surface of the Force-net, stretching our limits. It's powerful
enough to form a dim image for all of us to see with eyes as
well as minds.
Obi-Wan speaking to another, "there is no way in hell I'll ever
let another man fuck me." Then Qui-Gon's guilt surges to
obliterate the fragile illusion.
"Master, please tell me that this is not what has caused you so
much pain." Obi-Wan is clearly begging, pain and guilt flaring
in him as well.
"One thing," I can feel him fight the pull of the Force-truth,
fight it hard.
And the cost is going to be high. Already one Sister has lost
touch with her body.
"Master, hear me. Know that I cannot lie here and now. Six
years ago I said, 'Because I love my Master, there is no way in
hell I'll ever let another man fuck me.' I was putting an end
to a persistent attempt to get me in bed with the one thing
that would work, the truth. I have been waiting for my
Knighthood to approach you. It hasn't been an easy wait. I
doubt it will get any easier."
"You don't have to wait," Qui-Gon's voice is barely a whisper
as Temple law and tradition swirl around us. "I do, but you
don't."
"Do you love me, Master? As a lover might?"
"Every way I can. Yes, I love you."
"Then why do you still seek your own death?" I grab hold of the
fact that though the pair is together, the Death-echoes have
not gone from him, and we can ill afford to maintain this net
for much longer.
He struggles much more, but on some level, he obviously wants
resolution. It is very strange, even not knowing him, I can
feel how wrong this level of honesty is to him. How can
creatures exist like that? "I have failed. Both my Padawans, my
own honor as a Jedi, a child that trusted me is dead because of
my words, words spoken because I could not be the Master and
Jedi I have to be."
Memories flicker up at random.
Altering a blood sample reading in a desert night.
Turning on Obi-Wan, trying to send him away because the pain
was too great.
Standing before the Jedi Council and claiming the impossible in
hope of being turned out himself.
A dark haired child slowly turning Dark and nothing done to
stop it -- the Truth-Force called to falsehood, guilt warping
an old memory from its foundation.
| Hold on Sisters. |
| I cannot. | One replies, slipping into complete connection
with the Force around us. It gives us the power we need, but
Force what a price.
Obi-Wan, to his credit, stays silent at his Master's side
through this all.
"Beyond death, what will ease this guilt?" I force the words
out in the painful silence.
"I ..." he drifts into silence. Not even the Force seems to
know this answer when the child does.
"Master," Obi-Wan touches his face. "Understand this. I will
follow you; as Padawan, as Knight, as Master, as civilian, as
Sith, as ghost. As anything we become. I do not care. If
death is what must clean your soul enough to accept my love, I
have no problem with it. This is a beautiful world full of the
Living Force. I can think of few places that could be a better
choice."
"No. No, Obi-Wan, you cannot die." Qui-Gon shakes his head.
"You have a great destiny in the Jedi. The Sith ..."
"Then understand. I. Will. Follow. You. Anywhere. As.
Anything."
Qui-Gon knelt in silence for a long moment, "I understand."
"Good," I keen the break. Two sisters for the universe.
| Fair trade. We will be back. | I hear them call as the last
strands dissipate and they flee to their new bodies.
Maybe.
"Go to your rooms, we must rest."
:: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Padawan ::
:: Qui-Gon's quarters in the Royal Spires of Trikell ::
"Master, we must discus this." I barely wait for Fry'Tu'ma'ka
to get out of hearing after he dropped us off at my Master's
balcony. I have no doubt they expect us to stay together for a
while after that ... whatever that was beyond disturbingly
enlightening. "What do you see as our future?"
"I have not seen a future for us in many years, Obi-Wan." He
turns away from me, settling into a meditative position. "I no
longer know what I saw as our future."
"Then, my Master, what have you dreamed of between us?"
Persistence Obi-Wan, persistence will get everyone through
this. That and perhaps the ceremony will have a small residual
effect. "For it is very apparent knowledge of that has
survived."
That earns me a sharp look, then a shallow nod as he focuses
elsewhere. "It is your right to know." He does not look at all
comfortable doing this. I guess I can't blame him, though. "I
have dreamed of us being lovers, Bonded, and Partnered Jedi so
that our paths may never part."
Well, I can't fault him for small dreams at least, and Force be
praised on what they are. "I share that dream, that we are
lovers, Bonded and Partnered, never separated."
"But you still refuse to ask me." I can feel his unease at
treading so close to this law.
"Master," I hope I emphasize the title enough. "As long as I am
your Padawan, I cannot know with absolute certainty how much of
what I feel is truly in my heart and how much is enhanced by
the bond we already share. Try to understand, I love you, I
desire you, but I am unwilling to enter into a relationship
with you until I know for certain how much is real. I care
about you and myself too much to enter into this blindly. I
know I would not survive learning that I did not love you
enough to make it work if I had already laid with you, possibly
for years."
"You have thought about this a great deal, Obi-Wan."
I nod, though I sense no true approval from him. "Often, since
I was fourteen and first recognized my feelings for what they
might be."
"Is it truly so terrible to ..." he closes his eyes, I can
almost feel the Force vibrate with his attempt to reach his
center.
"Master, Qui-Gon, if my feelings are true, they will survive my
Knighting. If they are not enough, I will know it then."
"How?" Pure disbelief is encrusted in that single word.
"Because I loved Imm'is'at and Cali-Mira as well, but I did not
love them enough to stay with them. I am not willing to make
that mistake with you." Please, Force, let him understand this
concept.
"I see." His voice is low, heavy with pain.
I hate to see him like this, but there is nothing I can do.
"I will meditate now, Padawan, to see the wisdom of your
choice. I will keep my word."
"Yes, Master." This is not going to be a pleasant few years,
but I see no other choices. I too will meditate on this in my
quarters, for it is very clear you cannot handle my company
just now.
:: Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master ::
:: His quarters, Trikell Royal Transport ::
Two more lives bright in the Force are gone because of me. I
know they thought to conceal the Seers' deaths from me, but I
felt them flee the Hall just after Obi-Wan pulled me out and to
the waiting senior Drakon that took us back to my rooms.
He is so much stronger than I am. I can feel the strength of
his desire, but it seems nothing to him to deny it even longer.
Force grant me the strength to match him. To keep my word this
one time.
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