Keeping Up Traditions

by KatBear (katbear@cox.net)

Archive: MA, QJEB. Any others please ask.

Category: humor, challenge response

Rating: NC17

Pairing: O/other, Q/O

Feedback: Appreciated.

Thanks: To the beta readers who helped with various comments and encouragement (Anne, Cathy,jl_foxy). All mistakes are definitely my own since I can't resist tweaking.

Summary: Response to the challenge on embarrassing situations. A party goes awry.

Warnings: A bit of language, sexual activities.

Spoilers: None, pre-TPM.

Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them. No profit is intended or made.

// // Conversation over training bond

- 10 points if caught by your master
- 20 points if sent to the healers
- 30 points if caught by a council member
- 50 points if you receive disciplinary actions by the council
- 100 points if you include all of the above.
(extra points will be given if you manage to drag another padawan into the situation.)

Pop, fzzzzzz.

A deep breath, then whiskers were laid back as the challenge was answered.

A ragged cheer sounded as the guest of honor drained the liter bottle of dark ale in one long series of gulps.

Foam dripping down his furred face, Felsen waved the bottle triumphantly as his tail waved unsteadily.

"Friends and fellow inmates, er, I mean, fellow Padawans -" whatever the feline had been about to say was overcome by a tremendous belch, as the ale made the effects of its rapid passage known.

The assembled group of well-lubricated male senior Padawans found this exceptionally amusing and the response was a generous round of whoops and laughter. The mood was relaxed and the warm summer night air hummed with friendly Force outpourings of support for one of their own. After recently passing his trials, Padawan Felsen Kumploor had shyly announced that he and Knight Nela Zhuraneva would be bonded after his Knighting Ceremony. Both felinoids were quiet, but well liked by their peers, so after a few days of hasty plotting and obtaining of suitable consumables by means fair and foul, a large party of Padawans had waylaid the unsuspecting tan and black striped cat after latemeal and hauled him off to a remote corner of the Gardens where another dozen Padawans waited for the traditional pre-bonding bash. The evening was going well, the tributes and joke gifts growing increasingly rude and ribald as the stock of drinkables decreased.

A second mighty belch rang out as the honoree climbed unsteadily onto the makeshift table at the center of the small clearing. Clearing his throat, tail now waving in off-center circles, Felsen started his speech again.

Sitting comfortably against a silver rogna tree, Obi-Wan listened quietly, content for the moment to enjoy the buzz. His old friend Garen plopped down next to him with fresh bottles of ale. With a murmur of thanks, Obi-Wan took a sip of the potent brew.

Meanwhile, Felsen was making slow progress in his impromptu pronouncements. He was interrupted several times by questions about the impending bonding and honeymoon. Drawing himself up into a semblance of a dignified stance, Felsen glared at the questioners. "I am sure that the occasion will be appropriately commemorated." The effect was a little spoiled by another belch, drawing another round of laughter.

Garen dug his elbow into his friend's side with a wicked grin, then called out, "Hey, Felsie, you know how to guarantee a good 'first night', don't you?"

There was a round of sniggers and laughs as Felsen replied with a smug, albeit lopsided, grin, "I don't need any help in that department, thank you very much."

Hauling himself to his feet, Obi-Wan chimed in. "A little insurance never hurts, you know."

"And just what did you have in mind?" He regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth.

"The Shalkurano," he shot back triumphantly. A chorus of grunts and hoots mingled with delighted whoops and calls for "Shalkurano, Shalkurano."

Looking around the circle of excited, drunken Padawans closing in on him, Felsen knew he was trapped. The intrepid senior was determined not to go down alone, however, and he held up his hands for silence.

"The Shalkurano is, of course, an honored tradition, and I shall be happy to participate." Cheers and more grunts. "It is well known, however, that for proper effect, it takes two to do it right, and the more able the partner, the better it enhances the actual result." He paused theatrically to look around the circle of eager, leering faces. "I, of course, have no doubts about my performance . . ." Another round of sniggers and hoots. "But I want the best second I can get to show his stuff, too." Another brief pause, then Felsen bared his fangs in triumph as he pointed to his choice. "And everybody knows Kenobi has the hottest dick around."

A roar of laughter was the response. Felsen knew he had them when several of the burliest Padawans grabbed Kenobi and thrust him to the center of the circle.

The chant of "Shalkurano" went round the circle. Obi-Wan pretended to grudgingly give in, protesting in vain about his modest 'accomplishments', but finally jumped up on the table with a big grin, joining the smirking feline with a sloppy embrace. The crowd roared in drunken triumph and bore the captives off through the evening darkness to carry out the ritual.

The group was relatively quiet by the time they arrived at the shallow pool containing the ancient statue. Water issued gently from between the round ears atop the dome shaped head of the imposing four meter statue, rolling down over curved tusks in the elongated snout, tinkling off the four arms and drizzling down the heavy, armored legs. The statue of the ancient Jedi had been ostensibly erected to honor Master Shalkurano for his wisdom and contributions to Jedi philosophy, but over the years rumors of his remarkable fecundity had given rise to a number of unofficial traditions for those seeking success in sexual endeavors.

The two Padawans were pushed forward to the edge of the pool. Since it was considered rather an honor to be picked as 'best man', Obi-Wan now had a cocky grin and had joined thoroughly into the spirit of the game. Amidst the crude jokes and laughter of their friends, the two young humanoids quickly stripped. Although a bit tricky in execution due to the slickness of the water covered statue, the ritual itself was simple enough. For first night success, two male beings had to limb naked to the top of the round head and both had to successfully masturbate onto the short rounded horn which projected from the forehead. Allegedly the 'sacrifice' to the old Master would ensure an exceptionally satisfactory experience. A good second being was considered essential to the success of the ritual since it was felt that it was his extra contribution that provided additional power and stamina on first night.

Standing in the shallow water, Felsen and Obi-Wan looked up at the statue, then at each other. They took a final swig from the offered bottles as they planned their climb.

"I'll go up the right side if you take the left," said Felsen quietly with a small burp.

"Alright. Looks like the best footing is toward the front."

"Agreed. Keep an eye on those smooth spots where the water has worn down the stone," replied the senior Padawan.

"See you on top!" Obi-Wan splashed enthusiastically through the cool water, followed closely by his grinning companion.

Egged on by their eager peers, the two Padawans scrambled swiftly up the stone figure. Obi-Wan proved to be the better climber, his fingers and toes giving him much better grip than the short fingers and clawed feet of his friend, but both arrived safely at the top within a few minutes. Each triumphantly grasped a stone ear as they balanced atop the wet, rounded head and waved to their friends.

Moving carefully in their precarious position, the well endowed apprentices pumped quickly to achieve an erection, spurring each other on to see who could get hardest fastest. The two cocks glistened in the moonlight, Felsen's a pink spear protruding from a furry sheath while Obi-Wan sported a thick column of white steel. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the moment, thinking wickedly of his Master's oft stated advice, knowing full well this wasn't exactly what Qui-Gon had had in mind. Aware of the cheers and comments from the ground, he stroked more lazily, rolling his hips a little. The apprentice reached forward to rub his thumb across the swollen head, rubbing the slick pre-ejaculate into the sensitive skin. Digging his toes in to maintain his balance as water whispered slowly across his feet, he took his hand off the protruding ear and used it to rub sensuously up his belly, tweaking his nipples to send little shocks to his throbbing cock, putting on quite a show for his peers. Responding to the heavy grunt next to him, Obi-Wan opened his eyes in time to see the older apprentice furiously fisting his now blood-red penis. With a triumphant cry, Felsen directed a stream of pale semen onto the blunt horn, the thick fluid slowly dripping down to form a milky cloud where it mixed with the clear fountain water.

Obi-Wan could feel his balls tightening as he picked up the pace, pumping his slick cock hard and fast. With a big shit-eating grin on his face, he looked at Felsen as he prepared to finish with a flourish. Glancing past his friend's shoulder, however, the grin froze on his face and his stomach suddenly turned acid. From his vantage point atop the statue, the apprentice had an excellent view of the surrounding gardens and walkways, a view which suddenly included a picture of Master Jinn and Master Koon walking along, deep in conversation.

"Sithspawn," hissed Obi-Wan. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

As Felsen's head craned around, a horrified expression on his face, there was a shout from the other direction. A lookout from the group came running up, waving his arm.

"There's a lecture letting out of Gelbok Hall, and a bunch of people are heading this way."

Padawans began stumbling and scattering in all directions in a flurry of curses. A few gestured wildly, urging the two on the statue to get down now. Felsen and Obi-Wan started to scramble down, but Felsen's clawed feet could not get any purchase on the smooth wet stone. As he started to slip downwards, Obi-Wan grabbed for his friend but ending up pushing him out and away. With a wailing cry, the senior Padawan went flying in an ungainly arc and landed in the pool with a tremendous splash. Losing his own balance, Obi-Wan slid sideways down the bumpy snout, catching his left ankle at the base of an ornate curving tusk with a sickening crunch. With a moan of pain, he found himself suddenly hanging upside down, ankle firmly and very painfully jammed in the stone embrace.

The noise had attracted the attention of the two Masters on the walkway. As they came trotting up, they quickly realized that something was amiss. Master Koon began bellowing for Padawans to stop right there, applying quite a bit of Force to trip or pin as many Padawans as he could. Master Jinn came straight to the pool and immediately threw off his cloak, then waded in to retrieve the unconscious Felsen from the shallow water. After laying Felsen down and making sure he was breathing, Qui-Gon went back into the pool. A grim look settled on his face as he recognized his own Padawan hanging off the statue like a pale, overripe ghellie pod.

"Master, please, I'll explain later," moaned Obi-Wan, "but please help me. My ankle is caught, I can't get it loose."

"Stop flapping about and let me see what we can do," replied Qui-Gon. He waded across until he stood directly under the trapped apprentice. He was just tall enough that Obi-Wan was able to place his hands on his Master's shoulders and relieve some of the weight from his lower appendage.

"Padawan, I'll hold you so you can you try to get your ankle loose." Qui-Gon grasped the apprentice's upper arms and added a Force hold to keep him steady. "Try it now."

Obi-Wan tried to gently wiggle his ankle but a sharp shooting pain that made his eyes swim toward black, and his stomach threaten to heave, quickly dissuaded him from any further efforts. "I'm sorry, Master. It's stuck." His voice was a faint whisper past gritted teeth.

By now several groups of beings had wandered over from the lecture hall. Master Koon had rounded up a despondent and rapidly sobering group of senior Padawans, commandeering a couple of Masters from the assembled group to keep an eye on them. Having dispatched a Knight to fetch the healers, he turned his attention to his friend's dilemma.

"Qui-Gon, can you get him down?" he called from the edge of the pool.

"I suspect his ankle is broken and it seems to be wedged very firmly in the stonework. Can you come over and give me a hand, Plo?"

While the Councilor shed his cloak and boots, Obi-Wan became aware of the gathering crowd. As whispers and giggles from several junior Padawans caught his attention, he realized that he was still erect and his private parts were dangling and flopping quite freely in plain view. A burning blush made his face even redder than the blood rushing to his head should warrant. He began cursing fervently when he caught the telltale flash of a vidcam out of the corner of one eye.

"Padawan!" barked Master Jinn sharply. "If foul language is all you have to contribute, keep your mouth shut."

"Yes, Master," muttered the Padawan weakly, "sorry, Master."

Masters Jinn and Koon conferred in a low voice while they waited for the healers to arrive. Qui-Gon held his apprentice up to relieve the pressure on his ankle while Plo sent careful tendrils of Force to try to gently dislodge the limb and prevent further damage.

"Ow," yelped Obi-Wan as he felt a bone shift and grind.

"It does look very much like it's broken," murmured Master Koon to his friend. They continued to confer.

Even with his Master's support, Obi-Wan was in a very uncomfortable position. Aside from the public humiliation and throbbing ankle, it seemed all the blood in his body was collecting in his head, making him very red, and it was getting harder to breathe. His misery suddenly increased sharply as he become aware that blood was not the only thing trying to flow in the wrong direction.

"Uh, Masters . . . " groaned the distraught young man.

Both older Jedi looked up just in time to get the full benefit of the violent expulsion of the contents of Obi-Wan's stomach.

The next few moments were discussed for years as a sterling example of a Master's dedication to the wellbeing of his Padawan. Master Koon jumped back, coughing and spluttering, when the noxious fluid hit his face and clogged part of his breathing mask. As the Councilor retreated to the edge of the pool to kneel and clear his filters, his friend stood steadfastly in place. Although he could easily have fled, ripping his Padawan's anguished grip from his arms and leaving him dangling by his broken ankle, Master Jinn nobly stayed and held up his apprentice while the unexpected deluge covered his face, his hair and trickled down inside the front of his tunics. Another flash of the anonymous vidcam marked the capturing of this monumental moment for posterity.

The dedication and stoicism of the Jedi Master served him well, enabling him to maintain a serene exterior in the face of this unexpected adversity. He continued to support his beloved apprentice as another spasm of abused stomach muscles ejected more contents. Fortunately, this time Qui-Gon had sufficient warning to use a Force nudge to divert the stream.

Across the bond, however, the conversation was anything but serene.

// Obi-Wan Kenobi, you are dead //

// But Master, that wasn't my fault //

// You are here so it is your fault, you miserable excuse for a bantha brained apprentice //

// But Master - //

Qui-Gon shook his head and used a Force swipe to clear the worst of the chunks from his eyes and nose.

// Gagh, this stinks. Couldn't you at least have used good ale instead of the cheap stuff? //

// Sorry, Master, it's all we could afford on short notice //

Qui-Gon sniffed, then almost gagged. He shot his apprentice an ominous glare.

// Obi-Wan, are those orange bits the remains of a Brawqu'll vrutsausage? //

// uh . . . well, yes, Master //

// It wouldn't happen to be vrutsausage from my private store, would it? //

// I'll replace it, Master, honest //

// The store of vrutsausage I was saving for the Master's Winterfest party? The vrutsausage that takes two years to become fully potent? //

// Please, Master, if you mention sausage any more, I think I'll throw up again //

// Dead. That's what you are going to be, Padawan. Dead, dead, dead //

Fortunately for Obi-Wan's rapidly decreasing survival prospects, a crew of healers arrived to take over the rescue effort, efficiently peeling off into two groups to handle the two patients. One group bundled the still unconscious Felsen onto a stretcher and hustled him off to the Healer's Ward. The second group had brought ladders and a short Tynnan healer was soon perched on the statue's snout, examining the damage. Two more Healers joined him and they rapidly conferred.

"Master Jinn, we're going to have immobilize the leg and chip it out from the stonework. Can you hold your Padawan up a bit longer?"

"Of course," replied Qui-Gon graciously while he mentally blasted his wayward charge.

Obi-Wan was beyond pain. The crowd had grown larger and now included several Council members as well as more vidcam enthusiasts. His stomach hurt, his ankle hurt, his head felt three times larger than normal, his cock had finally deflated to miniscule proportions, and his Master was totally pissed at him. He seriously considered begging the healers to just put him out of his misery and be done with it, but he was fairly certain his Master would find some way to follow him and make his afterlife a living hell. For one of the few times in his life, Obi-Wan was exceedingly grateful to be headed for the Healer's Ward when they finally got his leg unstuck and lowered him down to a stretcher.

The gray morning light streaming through the narrow windows from the overcast sky cast an appropriately gloomy air over the meeting hall. Due to the large number of participants, the Council had moved the disciplinary proceedings to this stone walled hall. A dozen seats had been set up behind tables on the low stage that ran across one end of the room. In the middle of the room stood a group of fourteen senior Padawans, the ones who had been neither fast enough nor fortunate enough to escape Master Koon's vigilance. Behind each hungover Padawan stood a grim Master. Off to one side sat Padawan Felsen, a large patch of shaved fur behind one drooping ear, eyes bloodshot and tail dragging. A large tawny furred Master stood beside the unfortunate felinoid, a large toothsome smile almost seeming to indicate glee at his charge's discomfiture. Near them was the remaining Master Padawan pair. Obi-Wan sat huddled inside his robe, his left ankle covered by a walking cast instead of a boot. The throbbing in his ankle was nothing compared to the throbbing in his head and the burning in his face from the quiet but intense thirty minute ass chewing his Master had given him that morning after the Healers released him. Master Jinn waited serenely, hands in the sleeves of his robes, contemplating his apprentice.

There was a general shuffling of feet as the side door opened and the Council members filed in to take their seats. Felsen and Obi-Wan struggled to their feet to join in the general bow to the Council, then remained standing by their Masters.

Master Windu coolly looked across the assembled beings, then picked up a datapad and began reading silently. The longer he waited, the tenser and more miserable grew the Padawans, which was his purpose, of course. Suddenly he rapped sharply on the table, causing many a sphincter to tighten.

"We are assembled here today for disciplinary proceedings for several events which occurred yesterday. Master Koon, will you please read your report?"

Nodding graciously at the senior Councilor, Master Koon launched into a detailed report, which had evidently been augmented by a swift investigation by the Temple Master at Arms. A resigned silence reigned when he finished.

"Thank you, Master Koon." Windu's gaze raked over every Padawan and Master in the room. "You have all heard the report. Is there anyone who disputes the findings?" The silence was broken only by the shuffling of a few booted feet. "Is there anyone who denies their participation in the stated activities?" More silence.

"Very well. The charges are clear; illegal transport of alcohol into the Temple, unauthorized consumption of said alcohol on Temple grounds, use of the Temple Gardens without permission and theft of provisions from the Temple kitchen. Since Masters are responsible for the teaching and conduct of their Padawans, all sixteen Masters and Padawans are hereby restricted to the Temple for the next tenday. The fourteen Padawans who have only the above charges will also report to the Duty Master for the next two tendays and will perform two hours a day of additional duties. Are there any questions?"

The only audible sound was a sotto voce grumble from one Master about reviewing the lesson on not getting caught, but judging by the expressions and hunched shoulders of most of the Padawans there was plenty being said over various training bonds. Windu waited a few moments, then gestured to the main group to move to the side, leaving two pairs standing by themselves before the Council.

"Padawan Felsen Kumploor, you face an additional charge of disrespectful and lewd public activities. Would you care to discuss just what you were doing on top of Master Shalkurano's statue last night?"

Felsen lifted his head long enough to survey the Council members on the dais but couldn't decide which was worse, the stolid imperturbability of some or the amused smiles tugging at the mouths of the rest. Returning his gaze to the floor, he mumbled, "Just paying my respects, Master Windu, and I'm very sorry to have bothered anyone, sir."

Master Windu gazed impassively at the wretched Padawan while Felsen's Master tried to repress a hissing snort.

"Paying your respects, Padawan?" Windu raised an eyebrow in delicate inquiry.

"Uh, yes, sir. You know, because of the Knighting ceremony coming up, and, well, Master Shalkurano was noted for his wisdom, and I thought, uh . . . " His voice trailed off into dismal silence.

"Ah, yes. We are all aware of Master Shalkurano's 'wisdom', I'm sure." There was a quickly muffled giggle from the main group of Padawans and an outright smile on the faces of a few Councilors. "You do raise an interesting point, though. You have indeed passed your Trials, and there was supposed to be a Knighting ceremony soon."

Felsen looked up in despair and near panic as he caught the reference to his Knighting ceremony. "Please, Master Windu, it was just a silly tradition, it wasn't intended to hurt anyone, and I'm really very sorry. Please, sir, I can't get Bonded until I'm Knighted, we agreed we would only do it after we were both Knights."

The Council members conferred briefly among themselves, prolonging the agony, but quickly decided they had left the poor Padawan dangling on the hook long enough.

"The Council has decided that it would not be appropriate to unduly punish Knight Zhuraneva for your transgressions. Therefore, your Knighting ceremony is postponed only one tenday. Between now and the ceremony, you are on close restriction and will perform four hours a day of meditations on our responsibilities as a senior Padawan and as an upcoming knight. In addition, you will clean the entire statue and pool of Master Shalkurano with a toothbrush to remove any impurities you introduced. Do you have any questions?"

The greatly relieved Felsen promptly answered, "No, Master Windu." He bowed to the Council. "Thank you very much, Master Windu, Councilors."

"Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi," said Master Windu slowly, a pleasant smile on his face as he turned his full attention to the final miscreant. "Back to see us again, hmmm?"

"Yes, Master Windu," replied the apprentice, head down.

"Padawan Kenobi, you face not only the additional charge of disrespectful and lewd public activities, but are charged with responsibility for damage to Temple property and for damage to Master Koon's air mask. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"That's not fair. I didn't do anything to the statue, Master Windu."

"Because of your actions, Padawan Kenobi, we will have to replace the entire left tusk on the statue. I would say that constitutes damage, not to mention what the contents of your stomach did to the filtering system in the pool."

"But - " The mental equivalent of a swift kick in the ass warned Obi-Wan he had better quit while he wasn't too far behind. He grimaced at the escalation of the pounding in his head as he was also forcibly reminded of the earlier 'discussion' with his Master.

"You wished to speak, Padawan Kenobi?"

Taking a deep breath, Obi-Wan plunged forward. "I just wanted to apologize to the Council for my actions and I humbly accept my punishment, sir." He shot a wary glance back at Qui-Gon but the training bond was mercifully quiet. There were, however, several sudden severe cases of coughing and choking among the other Padawans and even a few Masters.

Master Windu looked thoughtfully at Master Jinn, the smile on his face mirrored by several Councilors. He cleared his throat and continued briskly. "Very well, your apology is accepted. In addition to the tenday restriction for you and your Master, you will receive the following punishments; the cost to repair the statue and replace Master Koon's mask will be taken from your yearly stipend, you will assist Padawan Kumploor in cleaning Master Shalkurano's statue, and for the next four tendays you will perform three hours a day of additional duty in the Infant Creche. Do you have any questions?"

"No, Master Windu," replied Obi-Wan with a bow, "thank you, Master Windu."

"That completes the disciplinary proceedings and these cases are now closed," pronounced the senior Councilor. As most of the beings left, Master Koon came over to greet his old friend.

"Good day, Qui-Gon," rasped Master Koon.

"Good day, Plo. I believe my Padawan wishes to speak to you." Qui-Gon put a hand on his apprentice's shoulder.

Hobbling forward, Obi-Wan bowed respectfully. "Master Koon, please accept my apology for damaging your mask. I can assure you that it was unintentional, sir."

"Apology accepted. I'm sure you will have sufficient opportunity to contemplate yesterday's activities while you perform your additional duties."

"So it's arranged with the Creche Master?" asked Qui-Gon with a grin.

"It is indeed. In fact, he welcomed the suggestion," replied Plo.

"Uh, Master, may I ask what is arranged?" queried the Padawan warily, pretty certain that he didn't really want to know the answer to that question.

"Of course, Padawan," replied his Master with an even bigger grin. "Your duties will be in the Infant Creche, and the Creche Master will be making sure that you have lots of opportunities to connect with the Living Force as you feed, bathe, and burp the infants. Oh, and diapers, of course."

"Diapers?" said Obi-Wan with an agonized groan.

"Lots and lots of diapers to change," added Master Koon in a very self-satisfied tone.

Obi-Wan just stood and stared in dismay as the two Masters walked away together. The last thing he heard before the doors closed was Master Koon's comment.

"I got you some copies of those vids, Qui . . . . "

finis