Master
Apprentice  Archive
It's Too Darn Hot
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Rating: R for naughty imagery and words
Summary: It's hot. Obi-Wan is making an audio journal entry. He's interrupted.
Category: Q/O, POV, Humor (at least I hope so; I mean it's 3am and I'm getting on a plane in less than 6 hours)
Spoilers/Series: No
Archive: MA. Ja sure, you betcha.
Feedback: Go ahead. I now have butch hair; I can take it.
Thank yous to: Sage first and foremost for the URL (http://home.att.net/~purple_dragon/practice.jpg) of Liam with his extensions (his *hair* extensions; Jeeze, people, get your mind out of the gutter) in a bun, Cole Porter for the title, Hiperbunny for "Skies Above!" and Obi's High Potentiality, Lee Writestuff for Dannora and "by the Hundred Little Gods!", and last but most certainly not least, Jennifer/Gail for the rose described herein which holds a place of honor on my altar.
Anything with in a single slash indicates a pause or some other action in Obi's audio-recorded journal. Conversation in quotes is conversation accidentally picked up by Obi's superb equipment. Audio equipment. As for my equipment, well, all I can say is that I spell-checked this puppy and I'm *really* tired and emotionally wrung out. Caveat Lector.
/audio recording -- private journal of Senior Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi/
Jehamalant is hot. Not like Tattooine is hot, more like a combination of Tattooine and Dagobah. It's hot enough here that you want to carefully inspect yourself a thousand time a day to make sure you haven't sprouted a nasty fungus or mold.
Perhaps I exaggerate. And it is true that J'lanti molds and fungi dislike almost all humanoid skin as much as all humanoids dislike them, but still . . .. I think I've made my point. The weather here sucks.
Jedi aren't supposed to say things like: the weather here sucks. Oh no, and I'm sure I'm a *naughty* Padawan for doing so. But this is my private journal and there's a lot naughtier stuff in here for me to get in trouble over.
Master would tell me that this is yet another way to get in touch with the Living Force. And I would hide behind my exceptional Unifying Force shields and think: so would bending over me and wrapping your gorgeous hair around my cock again and again and again until I scream. Skies above, touch me with *that* Living Force, Master!
I swear, someday I'll snap. Dateline -- Coruscant: Jedi Padawan Goes Insane, Jumps Own Master. Nah. It's probably happened already. I could ask Yoda.
/barely muffled snort/
Or maybe not. I can just hear him saying: Happened it did, three hundred years ago. Remember it like today I do. Embarrassed I was when Yaddle grabbed my top-knot in Senate chamber.
Ewwwwww. Now there's a thought next time I need a cold shower image.
/pause/
Oh Sith! That shower? That thought? They're not working.
Master just sailed through on his way from the 'fresher. Serene as you please, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. And only two concessions to the heat and damp.
No cloak. This is *not* a problem. I've seen him cloakless five times as often as I've seen him naked (yes, I *do* keep track . . . I'm High Potential, what can I say?).
I've never seen him with his hair up in a bun.
He should look like a total idiot. Anyone else would.
But nooooo . . . He just looks like he belongs in the Floating World on Dannora. And what in all the Sith Hells was that *thing* keeping his hair up?
/pause/
I'm going to die. I *want* to die.
It's a rose.
A leather rose.
"Yes, Padawan, that's exactly what it is. A green, black and silver leather rose to be exact. What does a Master have to do around here to get some attention anyway?"
"Uh, Master . . . um . . . please tell me it's bad form to sneak up on your Padawan while he's making a *private* journal entry!"
"Obi-Wan, I listen to all your journal entries. I have since I told you to keep a journal. I told you I would, remember?"
"But . . . oh right, I guess I sort of forgot that. Are you *sure* I'm High Potential? Because right now I'm really thinking about crawling under that table over there and dying of terminal humiliation."
/pause/
"All of them, Master? Every recording?"
"All of them, Padawan. I haven't looked at our kitchen counter the same way for the last four years."
"Master!"
"Obi-Wan, I do believe I've managed to shock you. Something which, I might add, seems to take some doing."
/pause/
"Um, Master?"
"Yes, Padawan?"
"CanItakeyourhairdownandwillyouwrapitaroundmycockagainandagainandagainuntilIscream?"
"By the Hundred Little Gods, Obi-Wan, I thought you'd never ask."
The End