Too Big

by The Rose (rosarocaminis@yahoo.com)

TITLE: Too Big
AUTHOR: The Rose
ARCHIVE: M/A and my web site, http://www.sockiipress.org/~rose
RATING: R, perhaps?
CATEGORY: Ummm, humor??
WARNINGS: None
SPOILERS: None
FEEDBACK: (waves hand slowly in air) You WILL send feedback. Ah, come on! You know you want to!
SUMMARY: Don't even ask, okay? Because I won't tell you. And don't ask where this came from, either, because I have absolutely no idea and wouldn't admit it if I did.

"Okay, ready, Master?" (the sound of fabric rustling) "Ta dah!"

(stunned silence)

"So? What do you think?"

"It's, umm, big."

"Uh huh. And?"

"And long."

"Yes."

"And, very red . . ."

"Okay, okay. But, you think it's okay? You think you want to try it?"

"I suppose I could . . ."

(interrupting) "Great! Come on."

"What, now? Here?"

"No time like the present."

"Fine. Whatever you want, Padawan." (sound of more rustling, then . . .) "OH, FORCE!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"It's --- undulating!"

"Don't all of them do that?"

"No."

"Really? Oh." (disappointed sigh) "So, you don't like it?"

"No, I didn't say that. It's just . . . going to take some getting used to."

"But, how does it feel?"

(shifting position) "Very big."

"You said that. But, does it feel good?"

"Ummm . . ."

"Master?"

"I'm thinking."

"Well, how about faster?"

"OH! Oh, my! That's ---! That's a little too fast!"

"Master, you're no fun."

(indignantly) "I'll have you know I'm great fun. This just may not turn out to be one of my favorite things."

(pouting) "I thought you'd like it."

"Don't be hurt, Obi-Wan. It was a nice idea. Thoughtful. But, I just don't ---"

"--- like it. I know. You said that, too."

"Perhaps if it were smaller, or not quite so long . . ."

"Master, I can't do much about that, can I?"

"No. I suppose not." (the sound of short, spiky hair being ruffled) "Don't get discouraged, Padawan. I'm sure the store will take it back."

(a dramatic sigh) "I suppose so, Master. But this was the only full-body massage suit they had in stock!"

The End.

(the sound of demented laughter slowly fading into the distance)