Master Apprentice  Archive To Give and Die |
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Rating: PG
Category: Angst, POV, Q/O
Disclaimer: These lovely boys aren't mine, they belong to Lucas, and I don't make a penny off them.
Archive: master_apprentice, SWAL; anywhere else, just ask, I won't say no.
Warnings: Main character death. Follows canon. You are warned.
Summary: What if Qui-Gon knew?
Feedback: I'm aiming for a tear-jerker here. I made myself cry, how about anyone else?
Notes: Was bored today and decided to write a little Angst!Fic. 'Course, I never write anything else...so, more of the usual.
Inspired by the line in the song "Worlds Apart," by Jars of Clay...'to rid myself of all but love, to give and die."
I am going to die.
Soon.
Much too soon.
The day after tomorrow, in fact, at about three in the afternoon Theed time, approximately noon in our home in the Jedi Temple.
I am literally speeding toward my death.
The realization came last night just after we boarded the ship to Naboo. I stood in the middle of the room Obi-Wan and I share, listening to him talking to Anakin, telling him some story or other.
And the knowledge broke over me like a wave, surging through my very being. I shielded myself quickly to prevent Obi-Wan from discovering it, and quietly went to meditate, my padawan looking up suddenly as though he'd sensed something.
He looked away again and I left, sinking to the floor in the main cabin, kneeling serenely.
Serenity was not what I felt then, though.
It is odd to lie awake here on Naboo and know that this morning's sunrise will be the last I will ever see, that watching last night's stars...oh, I'll never see them again.
All the worlds I've travelled to-will I be remembered? Will I remember them in that strange place I'm going?
It is still more odd to watch my padawan as he sleeps-I've only done this once or twice before, but last night we talked for a long, long time about small things, the mission, other trivia. In the wake of our recent argument, we were feeling rather mellow, both needing reassurance, I think. He finally fell asleep here on my bunk.
Oh, Obi-Wan, I never told you that I loved you. Well, to be honest, I have, in a manner of speaking, but I *really* love you and that's not just as my padawan.
Do you love me? Did you?
It will be 'did you' after today.
It is most strange to think of oneself in the past tense.
Obi-Wan stirs beside me, opening his eyes slowly, and I smile.
"Obi-Wan, you fell asleep," I say quietly.
"Obviously," he retorts, his body still pressed against mine.
"Good morning, then," I say.
He laughs and moves to his side, looking down into my face. I lie flat-whatever he wants to do, I'll let him.
What he does is trace my face lightly with a finger, smiling softly.
"Master," he says, then leans down and captures my lips with his own.
We are kissing. For the first time in reality.
And dying isn't too bad, if you get a kiss from Obi-Wan Kenobi first.
A moment passes, and I'm beginning to wonder if I've already died, and then Obi-Wan pulls away.
"Master," he says again, quietly. And suddenly I realize that he knows. Knows the fate the Force is sending, approaching more rapidly every second. How could I have ever thought to hide my heart's dark fears from my padawan?
"Padawan," I answer, just as quietly, just as intensely. Those words say everything that I could not bring myself to say last night, every lover's wish, every dream, every fantasy.
And for a moment, our bond deepens. We sense each other's thoughts, his calm with anticipatory grief, mine thrumming with the thought of the battle ahead and the long journey that awaits me soon.
We stare into each other's eyes, knowing that we won't have any time, making these moments last, the sweet weight of his body against mine, his hand resting against my face.
We say the words together, softly, the words that hardly needed a voice to be heard.
"I love you."
And smiling shyly, we move away from each other, off the bed, and into the brightness of the last day I will ever see.