Thank you: To Alex for encouragement and helpful beta.
Disclaimer: These gorgeous Jedi belong to George Lucas, not me.
Summary: Obi-Wan gets a chance to change the future.
Feedback: Yes, please, to kimberlite@cox.net
Obi-Wan Kenobi had been driving the speeder through the desert
for a long time. The barren landscape ran before him in endless
shades of tan and muted green. He knew he should have reached
the settlement of T'kun by now. But how could he get lost when
the only road led to his destination, and there was nothing in
between?
After more time had elapsed, and nothing remotely building-like
was visible, Obi-Wan again considered his situation. Had he
missed T'kun? As ridiculous and unbelievable as that sounded,
he had a bad feeling that it was true.
The landscape had changed. Now it was dominated by large
granite outcrops, weathered spherical over time. The rocks
created the impression of a giant herd of el-fants. Knowing
that these structures were not located before the settlement,
Obi-Wan slowed the speeder. He needed to stop and get his
bearings, figure out exactly where he was and how to get where
he needed to be.
Stepping out of the speeder, Obi-Wan stretched and drank some
water. It was uncomfortably hot, waves of heat distorting the
air around him, but he ignored it, intent on the puzzle of his
location.
As he looked around, Obi-Wan felt a presence brush against his
mind, both familiar and foreign. It was unlike the bond he
shared with Anakin, his padawan of five years. Obi-Wan's
apprentice was on a Jedi retreat with Master Yoda, who had
instructed Obi-Wan to complete this supposedly simple mission
during their absence.
Obi-Wan stilled his mind, casting out to search the Force for
this new presence. The feeling was elusive but tantalizing.
Without conscious volition, Obi-Wan began to walk, flowing with
the currents around him. He climbed over and around the rounded
rocks, drawn inexorably forward.
Finally, Obi-Wan squeezed through a narrow passage, brushing
against the coarse-grained granite walls. Emerging into an open
space protected by a ring of giant monoliths, Obi-Wan caught
his breath at the sight before him. On the far side of the
glade stood an arch. It was made of a material Obi-Wan had
never seen before, rock-like yet with possible organic
components. The Force was strong here.
Peering at the arch, Obi-Wan could see swirling clouds and
occasional flickers of light emanating from beneath the arch.
He walked closer, feeling the energy of the structure swirling
around him. And froze suddenly, knowing why the mental touch
had felt familiar.
"Master?" Obi-Wan unconsciously held his breath as he waited
for an answer. He couldn't get too excited, he warned himself,
or the pain of ruined hope could destroy him.
"Obi-Wan, love." The warm voice cascaded over him, blanketing
him in love. Obi-Wan drew a deep breath, trying to focus on the
presence of his beloved master.
Inside the arch, the form of Qui-Gon Jinn materialized,
surrounded by a nimbus of glowing blue light. Unable to stop
himself, Obi-Wan stepped closer, needing to be as near as
possible to the other half of his soul.
"Qui-Gon. Oh Force, is it really you, love?" Obi-Wan was
terrified that this was all a cruel illusion.
Qui-Gon nodded, stretching out his hand to brush a tear off
Obi-Wan's cheek. "Hush, love. It's me. Don't be afraid, I won't
leave you."
Obi-Wan shivered at the contact, real but insubstantial.
Looking into the compassionate eyes of his master, Obi-Wan
couldn't help pouring out all the pent up pain he had hidden
inside since Qui-Gon's death. "I've missed you so much."
"I know, love. I've been with you."
"Yes, I've felt traces of you in the Force, known you would be
with me. And it is a great comfort. But...but my body misses
you, cries out to feel you again. It's selfish and petty, I
know, but I feel it."
Qui-Gon gathered Obi-Wan into his arms. "Padawan, it is human
to desire physical contact. There is no shame in missing our
lovemaking. I've missed you, too."
Ensconced in his love's luminous arms, Obi-Wan allowed comfort
to flow through him, beginning to heal the pain of his ragged
heart.
As Obi-Wan's pain receded, he surfaced from Qui-Gon's
encompassing grasp, needing to know how all this was possible.
"How can you be here, like this? Why didn't you ever touch me
before?"
Qui-Gon's smile faded, sadness replacing his joy. "I couldn't
before. If I had been able to, believe me, I would have been
with you to help ease your pain. The only reason I'm here now
is that there is a massive disturbance in the Force. At certain
times the balance between Light and Dark threatens to shift too
much to one side. At these pivotal moments, the Force allows
certain masters to return to guide their students in the
struggle to regain equilibrium."
Obi-Wan considered his master's explanation. "Then something is
wrong and the Force is using us to set things back in proper
balance."
"Precisely. The difficulty is that I don't know exactly what
you need to do to set the universe on the correct course. I
only know that the disturbance is so great that extraordinary
measures are needed. We will need to meditate together to seek
the path."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan once more willingly gave himself into
his master's authority.
Qui-Gon ran his hand through Obi-Wan's hair, now falling past
his shoulders, with part tied back. "I like your new look,
Obi-Wan. Strangely familiar, somehow..."
Startled, Obi-Wan laughed gruffly. "I wanted something physical
to remind me of you. I tried a beard for a while, but the
hairstyle seemed more fitting somehow." Obi-Wan looked down,
face flushed slightly.
Qui-Gon raised Obi-Wan's face gently, meeting the incredible
blue-green eyes. "Don't be embarrassed, dearest. I'm pleased
that it gave you comfort when I could not."
Obi-Wan reached to touch his master's beard. "Oh, Qui-Gon...how
I've missed you, longed for you, love you."
Brushing his lips against Obi-Wan's, Qui-Gon enveloped Obi-Wan
in gentle currents of Force, showing his longing, his love.
"Meditate with me, my love."
Obi-Wan lowered his shields completely, eagerly reaching out to
entwine himself in Qui-Gon's Force-essence. As their minds
coalesced, Obi-Wan felt the absence that he had felt since
Naboo filled by his master. Sensation unlike any Obi-Wan had
ever experienced consumed his body. It was exquisite.
They floated together amidst the Force, truly one with each
other. The connection lasted an eternity, an instant.
The contact broke and Obi-Wan felt himself return to his own
body and mind. He met Qui-Gon's gaze, speechless for a moment
in the face of such perfect communion. Qui-Gon smiled, all his
love for Obi-Wan clear in his eyes. "You must do as the Force
directs, my Padawan."
Still unsure of the details of his mission, Obi-Wan nonetheless
felt the urgency in the ripples of Force swirling around him.
Knowing that he had to trust and serve, Obi-Wan gently kissed
Qui-Gon good-bye before stepping through the Force-arch.
Emerging on the other side, Obi-Wan realized immediately, but
with little surprise, that he was no longer standing in the
ring of stones. And Qui-Gon was gone. Obi-Wan reached out to
the Force, trying to sense his environment. Something felt
different, not really wrong, just as if he didn't quite fit.
Looking around cautiously, Obi-Wan was surprised to find
himself in Master Yoda's front room. Everything appeared to be
in place, just as he remembered it. Wait -- not everything.
Moving closer to the alcove, Obi-Wan studied the holopics of
all Yoda's padawans during the various stages of their lives.
Obi-Wan remembered how, as a child, he had been fascinated by
the alcove. Yoda would patiently tell the children about the
history of each padawan. There were so many different
individuals, each with strengths and weaknesses. Even before
they had met, Obi-Wan had heard stories about Qui-Gon, had felt
a unique closeness to the formidable yet compassionate master.
Looking through the holopics of Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan was surprised
when he couldn't find his favorite, a quiet moment captured in
the Crystal Gardens as Qui-Gon worked a bead into Obi-Wan's
shoulder-length braid. Scanning the holopics, Obi-Wan realized
that the only ones missing were Qui-Gon's. His childhood and
early adulthood were recorded, but then nothing. The last
holopic was from Xanatos' eighteenth birthday, when Qui-Gon was
about forty.
What did this mean?
Obi-Wan was startled by a sharp thump. Turning around, Obi-Wan
looked down to see Master Yoda.
"Who here have we?" Yoda's ears moved slowly up and down, as if
inspecting an unknown creature before him.
"Don't you know me, Master Yoda?" Obi-Wan asked. Yoda's eyes
widened at his name, but he remained silent. "I'm Obi-Wan
Kenobi."
"Know you I do not." Yoda closed his eyes and looked into the
Force. "Hm. Jedi Knight you are."
"Yes, master. I was Qui-Gon Jinn's third padawan." Obi-Wan
wasn't sure how that information would be received.
Yoda's ears dropped. "Has a padawan, Qui-Gon does, his second."
"Xanatos. Is this recent?" Obi-Wan asked, gesturing to the
holopic of Xanatos' birthday celebration.
"Yes. From the future you are." Yoda looked squarely at
Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan nodded, calculating ages quickly. "Approximately thirty
years. You can't know me. I'm not at the Temple yet, haven't
even been born yet..."
"Here for a reason, I think." Yoda tilted his head slightly,
assessing Obi-Wan.
"Yes. Qui-Gon..." Obi-Wan broke off for a moment. "I'm here to
help set things right for the future. In my time, there is a
great disturbance in the Force. I was sent back, but I don't
know what the cause is or how to fix it."
"Constantly in motion, the future is. Follow your feelings, you
should."
Centering himself, Obi-Wan listened to the currents of Force
energy around him. "I need to see my master."
"Go then, you should." Yoda watched silently as Obi-Wan walked
out the door.
Leaving Yoda's room, Obi-Wan realized he didn't even know what
time it was, let alone where Qui-Gon was. He assumed Yoda would
have mentioned if Qui-Gon were off Coruscant. Suddenly very
tired, Obi-Wan pulled his hood up to obscure his face and
walked calmly to the gardens.
Unerringly finding the spot in the Crystal Gardens where he and
Qui-Gon had met so often, Obi-Wan sank down onto a smooth
stone. He focused on a delicate crystal, allowing his mind to
drift, peaceful, quiet, separated from the turmoil of recent
events.
Qui-Gon filled his thoughts. After years of separation, the
constant, subliminal pain of loss, to feel him again, meld with
his mind, fill the emptiness. And then, so quickly, to be
separated again. Obi-Wan's mind cried out for Qui-Gon.
When he opened his eyes, Qui-Gon sat facing him, warm blue eyes
sparkling with questions. Instinctively, Obi-Wan smiled,
reaching up to remove his hood. Qui-Gon's eyes widened a
fraction when he saw the long red-gold tinged hair, expressive
blue-green eyes, and beautiful smile.
"Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan drank in the sight of his master. Qui-Gon's
hair held only a few strands of gray, his face smoother though
still creased with laugh lines. His expression was gentle yet
filled with life. He was magnificent.
"I'm sorry, I don't know you. But I felt you call out to me,
and followed to find you here." Qui-Gon looked genuinely
puzzled.
"I'm sorry, I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi. I will be your third padawan."
Obi-Wan watched with fascination as Qui-Gon reached out to
touch his shoulder. The solid warmth of his hand was a comfort.
"Aren't you a bit old to be a padawan?" Frowning, he said, "You
feel more like a knight." Lowering his hand, Qui-Gon looked
speculatively at Obi-Wan.
"No matter how I say this, it's going to sound crazy. I'm from
thirty years in the future. The Force sent me back to prevent a
terrible disturbance in the balance of Light and Dark." Obi-Wan
watched as Qui-Gon absorbed his statements.
"I see. And in this future, you are my apprentice." Qui-Gon
tilted his head slightly. "That's a pretty fantastic story," he
said, not unkindly.
Obi-Wan smiled back at Qui-Gon, encouraged that he hadn't been
laughed at or dismissed outright. "I appeared in Master Yoda's
quarters. He can vouch for me."
"All right, let's say I believe that you're from the future.
What do you need to do to save the universe?" Obi-Wan was taken
aback at the subtle teasing in Qui-Gon's voice. This was not
his stoic master but a happier, more comfortable man from a
time before Xanatos' betrayal.
Trying to carry on the conversation while reeling from his
realization, Obi-Wan said, "I don't know what I'm supposed to
do. Yoda suggested I follow my instincts."
"And where do your instincts lead you?" Qui-Gon was utterly
serious even as his eyes sparkled with humor.
Catching his breath as his love for this man rushed over him
like a tidal wave, Obi-Wan managed to whisper, "To you."
Qui-Gon traced his fingers gently over Obi-Wan's lips before
returning his hand to his lap. "You will be more to me than a
student." It was not a question.
"Yes. We will love each other deeply." Obi-Wan ached to feel
those fingers touch him again.
Qui-Gon saw Obi-Wan's desire and, if possible, his expression
became even gentler. "I don't mean to be cruel, but please
remember that from my perspective, I've just met you. You are
still a stranger to me. I can't be everything your master was
to you."
Obi-Wan flushed, dropping his eyes quickly. "I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to imply that you should be."
Qui-Gon's hand caressed Obi-Wan's face, lifting it up to meet
his intense gaze. "Don't be ashamed of your feelings. I may not
know you, but I do feel a pull between us. I just need some
time to consider all this, to get to know you better."
Obi-Wan smiled, rubbing his face against Qui-Gon's hand once
before moving away from the touch. "Thank you, Qui-Gon."
"My pleasure," Qui-Gon responded with a grin. "Join me for
lunch?"
Obi-Wan nodded, rising to follow Qui-Gon from the garden.
While more than a few heads turned as the two men walked
through the Temple, no one stopped them to ask about Obi-Wan.
They found an out of the way table and ate efficiently. Qui-Gon
finally said, "I'm scheduled to meet with Xanatos later this
afternoon. Would you like to spar with us, Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan felt his skin prickle at the mention of Xanatos. This
could be difficult. Obi-Wan clearly recognized the pride and
caring Qui-Gon felt for his padawan. He couldn't just blurt out
'watch your back, that one's going to turn on you.' He'd just
have to meet Xanatos and see what happened. "I'd love to spar
with you both," Obi-Wan agreed.
Qui-Gon nodded. "I have a few odds and ends to see to before
then." Sensing Obi-Wan's need to be near him, Qui-Gon added,
"You are welcome to join me if you wish."
"Thank you, Qui-Gon. I'd like that very much." Obi-Wan was
astounded that, even now, Qui-Gon was so sensitive to his
needs.
Xanatos was alone in the practice room, already warming up when
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan entered, dressed in sparring tunics. When
he noticed them, Xanatos' face brightened and he came over to
greet them. "Master." Obi-Wan flinched mentally as Xanatos used
the beloved title, one he was no longer entitled to use. He
took a deep breath, trying to see this boy as he was now, not
as he would become.
Xanatos was lithe, but strong, moving with feline indolence and
sensuality. His hair, now cut in the padawan style, would be
silky midnight once it was long. His face was angular but
strangely alluring, dominated by intelligent blue eyes and
pouty lips. He seemed to vibrate with the energy and enthusiasm
of a child, yet it was abundantly clear that he was a man.
The assessment flashed through Obi-Wan's mind as Qui-Gon
introduced them. "Xanatos, this is Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's
here to spar with us today." Obi-Wan wondered at the brief
introduction, but assumed Qui-Gon didn't think this was the
proper time to tell more of his story.
Xanatos greeted Obi-Wan politely, and Obi-Wan nodded his
acknowledgement. For just a moment, Obi-Wan thought he saw a
flicker of anger cross Xanatos' eyes, but it was gone so
quickly he couldn't be sure. Shaking himself mentally, Obi-Wan
focused on warming up.
After all the upheaval of the day, running through the familiar
moves of his warm-up exercises was comforting. Obi-Wan was able
to center himself, drawing strength from the Force. When he was
ready, he turned to Qui-Gon, waiting to see how he wanted to
proceed.
"Let me watch you two first. Run through the Mountain Stream
kata, level five," Qui-Gon said.
Obi-Wan had always loved the smooth, gliding moves of this
kata. Its basic structure was simple, but additional elements
could be introduced to suit different skill levels. Bowing to
each other, they activated their lightsabers to training power
and began the ancient motions.
Qui-Gon watched the two men flow through the kata with grace
and ease. While he was aware of the beauty of Xanatos'
movements, he was particularly drawn to Obi-Wan, fascinated by
his sinuous body and flowing hair. If he had had doubts before,
watching Obi-Wan now reassured him that Obi-Wan was indeed a
skilled Jedi.
When they finished the kata, Qui-Gon had them spar free-form.
Obi-Wan was clearly superior in experience, but Xanatos held
his own for quite awhile, until Obi-Wan made an unexpected move
and disarmed him. Grinning, Qui-Gon looked at his padawan with
approval. "Nicely done, Xanatos. You gave him a good fight.
We'll have to work on the last move, it was unexpected but can
be countered."
Panting, Xanatos nodded his agreement. "Yes, Master."
Qui-Gon suggested that he and Obi-Wan spar next. Watching
Xanatos, Obi-Wan saw the momentary flash of jealousy directed
at him. So that was what he'd been feeling. Xanatos was jealous
of the attention his master was giving a strange knight.
Interesting, but it would require some thought. While he knew
their general history, Qui-Gon had never talked in great detail
about Xanatos. He did know that, despite rumors to the
contrary, they had never had a sexual relationship. He would
have to consider this later.
Now Obi-Wan's thoughts were centered on his opponent. He had
fought with and against Qui-Gon numerous times, but never
against this younger, more carefree version of his master. As
their sabers clashed, fizzing together green on green, Qui-Gon
looked at the weapon in Obi-Wan's hands. They froze as the
realization that they were both using Qui-Gon's saber washed
over them.
Obi-Wan met Qui-Gon's crystal blue eyes, silently, painfully
affirming the only conclusion Qui-Gon could reach. The
knowledge of death lay between them until Qui-Gon's lips
quirked into a half-smile and he continued the fight.
Qui-Gon's basic style was still the same, but there were subtle
differences that made him unique. As the battle heated, they
moved as one, sabers slashing, bodies flying, minds connected,
anticipating the next moves. Time seemed to slow as Obi-Wan's
entire being focused on the man before him.
Fighting with Qui-Gon was almost like making love with him, the
connection between mind and body, the joy of sensation as they
thrust and parried. It was intimate, physical, primal, and
absolutely glorious.
Finally deciding they had reached a draw, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan
powered off their sabers. They stood for a moment in the middle
of the practice floor, smiling at each other, oblivious to the
presence of Xanatos or anything else. During the fight, they
had reached out to each other, connected for a brief time. Even
without a bond between them, each had recognized the other.
Fighting the feeling of falling into a black hole, Qui-Gon
tried to simply accept what he had felt for Obi-Wan. There
would be time to consider this most unusual situation later.
The loss of mental contact left Obi-Wan feeling painfully
bereft. All the hard work he had done after Qui-Gon's death to
deal with the breaking of their bond was coming undone. Now his
body and mind were clamoring for Qui-Gon.
Standing silently by the wall, Xanatos watched the interplay
between his beloved master and this interloper. They had fought
as if they were two bodies controlled by one mind. It was
incredible. It was horrible. They were so attuned to each
other. Who was this knight and what did he mean to Qui-Gon?
When they finally came over to Xanatos, he managed to smile,
saying, "That was quite a show."
"Your master is quite formidable." Obi-Wan smiled back at
Xanatos, ignoring the quiet snort from Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon tugged affectionately on Xanatos' braid. "Padawan, if
you're going to make your last class, you need to hurry and
clean up."
Unhappy about leaving Qui-Gon alone with the knight, Xanatos
nonetheless nodded and headed for the showers.
After Xanatos left, Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan solemnly. "Let's
go back to my quarters. We need to discuss what happened."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, we do."
Obi-Wan allowed the warm water to flow over his head, cascading
through his long, thick hair and down over the curves of his
body. Too many thoughts danced through his mind, demanding
immediate attention, but he was so tired. He let himself drift
as if floating on a placid lake, weightless and unencumbered.
When he opened his eyes moments later, he felt a measure of
serenity. He could face whatever he had to -- for the future,
for Qui-Gon. Quickly cleaning himself, Obi-Wan turned off the
water and dried off. Running a comb through his damp hair,
Obi-Wan left it loose around his face.
Now fully dressed, Obi-Wan emerged, ready to face Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon was sitting in the common room, waiting for Obi-Wan.
His hair was also damp, flowing over his shoulders. The
familiar sight made Obi-Wan smile before the pain of loss
gurgled up to rob the moment of pleasure. Sighing, Obi-Wan
realized he was still far from grounded in these new
circumstances.
Sitting by Qui-Gon on the couch, Obi-Wan accepted the glass of
cool fruit juice with murmured thanks. The reddish-orange
liquid was smooth and tangy. Refreshed, Obi-Wan focused on
Qui-Gon, waiting for him to begin the conversation.
Sensing that Obi-Wan wanted him to broach the subject, Qui-Gon
said, "You felt the connection, too, of course." Obi-Wan
nodded. "I've never heard of such a meeting of minds. We aren't
bonded, but we knew each other."
Smiling gently, Obi-Wan tried to hold on to his emotions.
"That's just it. We will be bonded. And I was bonded to you in
the future. I think our minds are simply recognizing that."
"Yes." Unable to stop himself, Qui-Gon reached out to brush a
wayward strand of hair off Obi-Wan's face. "The closer we are,
the more time we spend together, the stronger the pull."
Obi-Wan's breath caught at Qui-Gon's touch, desire surging
through his body. "I can't help but love you, want you. I know
you are uncertain, but I've known how perfectly we mesh. I've
loved you and lost you. My mind and body are crying out to you
for completion."
Gazing into Obi-Wan's shining eyes, Qui-Gon saw a rich tapestry
of friendship and love, made more brilliant by tragedy. He
could drown in those eyes. Abruptly breaking eye contact,
Qui-Gon removed his hand from Obi-Wan's hair. "I feel you, know
you are speaking the truth. But I can't just fall into you. I
need some time to think, to meditate."
Trying to remain calm, Obi-Wan said, "I would never force you,
Qui-Gon. You are too precious to me."
Qui-Gon smiled ruefully. "I didn't think you would force me.
But our connection is so strong, I think it may be inevitable.
If we continue to spend time together, fight together, we will
bond."
"And you find that unappealing?" Obi-Wan tried not to let his
hurt show.
"Oh, Obi-Wan. I find you incredibly appealing, don't ever doubt
that. But you are under an enormous amount of emotional stress
right now. You are not able to think as clearly about the big
picture. If you had gone back to another time when I wasn't
there, you would be focused on your mission." Qui-Gon's voice
was gentle, not condemning.
Obi-Wan sighed. "Perhaps, but I was sent here. I don't know
what to do to fix the future. All I can do is follow my
instincts, and they lead me to you." Obi-Wan's hand stretched
out to brush Qui-Gon's.
Taking Obi-Wan's hand in both of his, Qui-Gon said, "I don't
have the answers. Maybe we do need to bond. But what happens
when you do whatever you do to right the imbalance in the
Force? Are you going to be sent back to your time? Am I going
to have to wait for you to grow up? Will I even remember you?
There are so many possibilities. And we have no way of knowing
what will happen."
Obi-Wan lay his other hand on top of Qui-Gon's. "You're right.
We don't know enough and I'm not thinking completely clearly.
Of course, thinking about time-travel always gives me a
headache."
Qui-Gon snorted. "I think that is a given. But we need to
consider all this with a bit more perspective. There may be
some specific incident you need to change. Of course, there's
also the possibility that your mere presence here, with me has
changed the course of the future."
Obi-Wan's eyes widened slightly at the suggestion. "Okay, let's
think more about the situation, meditate and see what
perspectives present themselves. And I'll try not to push you
into a bond you're not ready for."
Qui-Gon nodded, his hair falling onto and off of his face.
"We'll meditate tomorrow. You're exhausted. You need to eat and
sleep."
Obi-Wan tried to be strong and not yawn. "I'm all right, not
really hungry. You don't need to baby me like this."
Laughing, Qui-Gon said, "You obviously can't lie to me. I can
feel how tired you are. You need to go to your room -- it
should be stocked with food and clothes by now. I want you to
eat something and sleep however long you need to."
Obi-Wan released Qui-Gon's hands. "I don't suppose I could
convince you to let me sleep in your bed?" Obi-Wan tried to
keep his voice light and teasing.
Sensing the longing beneath the quiet words, Qui-Gon said
gently, "I'm sorry. I think we need some space right now. Sleep
and you'll feel better."
Obi-Wan nodded and allowed Qui-Gon to walk him to the door.
"You can find your way alone?"
"It's only two halls away. I can find it." Obi-Wan paused,
looking up at Qui-Gon with longing and love. "Good night,
Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon leaned down to brush his lips over Obi-Wan's. The kiss
was chaste, whisper-soft but filled with roiling emotions.
"Good night, Obi-Wan."
After Obi-Wan left, Qui-Gon sat down in a comfortable chair,
relaxing his body and mind, thinking about his day. He had felt
Obi-Wan cry out to him through the Force, felt his need, his
pain, his love. It had been irresistible. Qui-Gon had been
drawn inexorably to the Crystal Gardens and Obi-Wan. As the day
progressed, Qui-Gon had felt the connection between them
strengthen to overwhelming proportions. It was as frightening
as it was compelling.
Now, he needed to step back from the emotion and seek clarity.
He had a multitude of questions, but doubted he would find any
easy answers. Stilling his mind, Qui-Gon reached into the Force
seeking direction.
Something felt wrong. Qui-Gon was confused. He felt the
rightness of Obi-Wan's presence and rejoiced that this
fascinating man had found him. But somehow, as much as his mind
echoed Obi-Wan's longing to join completely, he couldn't shake
the feeling that bonding with Obi-Wan now was not right. There
was a hint of Darkness, shifting and elusive, but close to
Qui-Gon. Yet he couldn't see its source.
He knew he couldn't bond with Obi-Wan, couldn't take such an
irrevocable step while there was still doubt. But, oh how
difficult it was going to be to see the desperate longing in
Obi-Wan and be unable to help him.
Qui-Gon opened his eyes to find his padawan watching him.
Xanatos smiled when he caught his master's gaze. "I didn't want
to disturb you, but dinner is ready."
Smiling back, Qui-Gon rose and followed Xanatos to the table.
"Thank you, Padawan. You take such good care of me."
"It's my pleasure," Xanatos assured him.
They ate together, chatting about Xanatos' day. Qui-Gon was
about to tell Xanatos more about Obi-Wan when he sensed a vague
warning. Recognizing the Darkness he had felt earlier, Qui-Gon
decided to keep the specifics of Obi-Wan's appearance and
mission to himself. His feeling of dread eased immediately.
"You did very well this afternoon sparring with Obi-Wan.
Tomorrow I'll show you how to counter the move he used to
disarm you."
Xanatos' face changed subtly at the mention of Obi-Wan and his
victory. "I'm very interested in learning it." Now that they
were alone in their rooms, Xanatos asked the question that had
been haunting him all afternoon. "Who is he and how do you know
him?"
Not wanting to lie to his padawan, but heeding the warning,
Qui-Gon said, "Yoda just introduced us. He asked that I help
Obi-Wan with a special project. I don't have the details yet so
I'm not sure what it will involve."
Xanatos wanted to press for more personal information, but
decided against it. He was both relieved and disturbed by
Qui-Gon's answer. He was glad Obi-Wan hadn't proven to be a
friend of many years, yet they had seemed so in tune with each
other. And now they would be working together. The thought was
disquieting.
After dinner, Qui-Gon and Xanatos settled into the common room.
Xanatos studied while Qui-Gon sought data on time travel. While
there were many different theoretical approaches, none of the
hypotheses could claim physical data. He didn't think this
avenue was going to help Obi-Wan complete his mission. It was
most frustrating.
Finishing his problem set, Xanatos stood up and stretched.
Qui-Gon looked up. "Are you finished, Padawan?"
"Yes, Master. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Qui-Gon smiled with approval at how considerate his student
was. Walking over to Xanatos, Qui-Gon lay a hand on his
shoulder. "No, thank you. I'm finished too."
Xanatos loved it when Qui-Gon smiled at him. When Qui-Gon
touched Xanatos, the warmth of approval that flowed to him was
a reaffirmation of their bond. Sighing with pleasure, Xanatos
smiled back. "Good night, Master."
"Good night, Padawan."
Alone in his bed, Xanatos replayed the events of the day in his
mind. However, this time when the evening drew to a close and
Qui-Gon touched him, it was not the friendly affection of a
teacher, but the desperate desire of a lover.
Oblivious to his padawan's fantasy, Qui-Gon lay in bed thinking
about Obi-Wan.
As he did every night, Obi-Wan dreamt of Qui-Gon. Dreams were
his refuge from the harsh reality of life. In them Qui-Gon was
alive and they were together. For a fleeting moment, Obi-Wan
was free to love and be loved, enveloped in the unique aura of
his master.
Obi-Wan awoke the next morning with Qui-Gon's name on his lips.
Even after all the years he had slept without his master at his
side, Obi-Wan still woke with Qui-Gon on his mind, his body
hard for his lover. Today was no different.
But it was. Qui-Gon was alive.
Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open as he remembered his situation. His
morning arousal pulsed urgently with the knowledge that Qui-Gon
was near. Groaning, Obi-Wan took a deep breath, trying to calm
his body. Qui-Gon had made it clear that he needed time. Slowly
Obi-Wan regained control.
He needed to make some decisions before he ventured out of his
rooms. Coming out of the 'fresher, Obi-Wan pulled on his
leggings and wandered into the kitchen. He nibbled on a piece
of fruit while he made tea. Smiling to himself, he remembered
how much he'd disliked tea until Qui-Gon took him as padawan.
Now, making and drinking tea was a calming ritual, one that
made him feel closer to Qui-Gon.
Settling on the couch with his tea, Obi-Wan let his mind drift
over the events of the past day. He was overjoyed that he had
been able to talk with his master. Their mental communion had
been exquisite. Despite the renewed pain of separation, Obi-Wan
was grateful for the time they had had.
And then he had been faced with the younger Qui-Gon. He winced
as he remembered how desperately emotional he had been. Today,
after the recommended good night's rest, Obi-Wan realized that
he had been focused predominantly on Qui-Gon and not his
mission. He would have to control himself better, despite the
incredible temptation.
As Obi-Wan thought about the mission, he realized that he had
no idea what to do, or even if he should do anything. He would
much rather have been given a specific task, no matter how
difficult. This nebulous uncertainty was frustrating.
He thought about talking to Yoda again, but decided to wait.
Yoda, even on good days, was cryptic. He wasn't sure he could
take another vague admonishment to follow his feelings.
Obi-Wan retrieved a small object from his utility belt and
returned to the couch. He looked down at the smooth, dark rock
in his hand, remembering when Qui-Gon had given it to him for
his thirteenth birthday. The gift of a rock had become a ritual
between them. Over the years, Obi-Wan had built up a small,
extraordinary collection of his master's gifts. However, he
always carried this first treasured stone with him as a way to
remember and feel closer to Qui-Gon.
Yesterday he had been so sure that the Force was drawing him to
Qui-Gon. Centering himself, Obi-Wan reached out to test his
surroundings. He immediately encountered a warm caress carrying
the unique feel of his master. He smiled involuntarily,
comforted that Qui-Gon was still there for him.
Looking more closely, Obi-Wan encountered a slight disturbance.
It was indistinct, but close to Qui-Gon. Frowning, Obi-Wan
tried to see the source more clearly, but the feeling was
elusive.
Drawing back, Obi-Wan considered the shadow. He was more
convinced than ever that Qui-Gon was the focus, the reason he'd
been sent back. The darkness had felt very close to Qui-Gon,
but Obi-Wan didn't think he was the source. The question of who
was close to Qui-Gon had an obvious answer: Xanatos. As
Qui-Gon's padawan they shared a training bond. And Obi-Wan
already knew that if things didn't change, Xanatos would fall
from the Light.
Perhaps this was a place to start.
Qui-Gon called Obi-Wan's rooms, hoping to catch him before he
left. Almost immediately, Obi-Wan appeared on the screen,
smiling a greeting to Qui-Gon. "Good morning, Obi-Wan. Are you
feeling better today?"
"Yes, thank you. I'm sorry I was so emotional yesterday. I
really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
Qui-Gon shrugged. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm sure
the situation is a bit overwhelming for both of us. I did some
research last night on time travel, but it's all theoretical. I
forwarded the most interesting information to you, but I don't
really think it will help us much."
"Thank you, I'll read through it later. I've meditated on the
proper course of action, but I only see vague impressions of
Darkness. I know it seems that I'm only seeing what I want, but
I still think you are somehow the key." Obi-Wan looked at
Qui-Gon expectantly.
Qui-Gon felt the pull between them as they made eye contact.
Obi-Wan had the most amazingly colored eyes. Shaking his head
to break the hypnotic attraction, Qui-Gon focused on responding
to Obi-Wan's assertion. "I feel the rightness of being with
you, but there is a shadow between us. I think we need to be
cautious."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I feel it too." Trying to lighten the mood,
Obi-Wan said, "I'll try not to throw myself at you again."
Qui-Gon smiled at the attempted humor, knowing how much it had
cost Obi-Wan. "I didn't mind. If it weren't for this sense of
foreboding, I'd be with you in a heartbeat."
Obi-Wan caught his breath before forcing himself to continue.
"I'd like to talk with Xanatos. Do you know if there's a good
time when I wouldn't be disrupting his schedule?"
Qui-Gon thought a moment. "He has a free hour coming up. If
you'd like, I can ask him to meet you in your rooms."
"That would be fine. What have you told him about me?"
Qui-Gon frowned. "Very little. I was going to tell him the
truth last night, but I felt a powerful suggestion to keep your
situation secret. I told him we'd just met and that Yoda asked
me to help you with a special project."
"Okay, that sounds like a reasonable story. I guess the fewer
people who know about all this the better. I'm not sure what
I'll want to do after talking to Xanatos, but I'll check in
with you."
"Very good. I'll talk to you later, Obi-Wan."
"Yes, later, Qui-Gon."
Xanatos paused before the door to Obi-Wan's rooms. He'd been
surprised when his master had asked him to met Obi-Wan. What
could the knight possibly want with him? Well, he'd never know
if he didn't knock.
Obi-Wan opened the door, obviously expecting his visitor.
"Xanatos, come in. Thank you so much for talking to me. Can I
get you something to drink?"
"No, thank you, I'm fine." Xanatos just wanted to get whatever
this was over with. He was jealous of Obi-Wan's easy
camaraderie with Qui-Gon, a feeling unbecoming a Jedi and one
he'd rarely had to deal with.
Obi-Wan smiled and said, "I won't take much of your time, but I
wanted to get to know you a bit better. I didn't have time
yesterday to tell you how impressed I was with your sparring.
You have a natural talent with a lightsaber."
Xanatos looked surprised by the compliment. "Thanks."
"I'm trying to assess how best to deal with a situation that's
come up. Qui-Gon is helping me, and I thought you might be a
natural choice to help Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan figured it was best to
stick close to the truth.
When Qui-Gon was mentioned, Xanatos' face brightened, not
obviously, but Obi-Wan was watching carefully for a reaction.
"I'm always ready to be of help to my master."
"I'm sure he appreciates that. You two seem very close."
"He's a wonderful master." Xanatos' eyes said more than his
words.
"Then I can count on you to be available if Qui-Gon and I
should need your assistance?" Obi-Wan noted that Xanatos'
expression darkened with the mention of his involvement with
Qui-Gon.
"Certainly."
"Thank you for your time, Xanatos. I'm sure I'll be seeing you
again soon."
After Xanatos left, Obi-Wan considered the interview. He hadn't
really asked anything, but he had been attuned to Xanatos'
reactions. It wasn't obvious, but he recognized the look in
Xanatos' eyes, one that mirrored his own. It was clear to
Obi-Wan that Xanatos was very much in love with Qui-Gon.
This complicated matters. Obi-Wan had seen the hint of jealousy
Xanatos had tried to hide. There was nothing as glorious or as
dangerous as love. He needed to know how Qui-Gon was dealing
with Xanatos' feelings.
"He's what?" Qui-Gon's head turned sharply to stare at Obi-Wan.
"In love with you. Didn't you know?" Obi-Wan hadn't even
considered that Qui-Gon could have been unaware.
"Xanatos went through the expected crush several years ago. He
bounced back and we haven't had any problems since then."
Qui-Gon looked confused.
"Then he's shielding his feelings and you're just not looking
at him."
"But he's so young, practically a child. And he's my padawan.
Having a relationship with him would be a breach of trust,"
Qui-Gon stated firmly.
"Qui-Gon, you haven't looked at him recently if you believe
he's still a child. He's grown up and so have his feelings. And
a loving relationship isn't a breach of trust. You knew that
when I was your student and we recognized our love for each
other. When we became lovers it enhanced our training bond."
"I'll have to think about this, Obi-Wan."
"All right." Obi-Wan was amazed that Qui-Gon had been
completely ignorant of Xanatos' feelings. This was definitely
something to think about. Could the underlying reason Xanatos
had turned be traced to unrequited love? And if so, what should
he do about it. The thought of giving up Qui-Gon was impossibly
painful, but maybe that was the way things should have
happened.
Obi-Wan joined Qui-Gon and Xanatos in the practice room that
afternoon. It was the first time he had been near Qui-Gon since
they had said good night last evening. Obi-Wan couldn't help
but feel a jolt of pleasure at the sight of Qui-Gon moving
easily through a warm-up routine, hair flowing, muscles
rippling. Even knowing he had to resist, Qui-Gon called to him
at a basic, primal level.
Taking a deep breath, Obi-Wan focused on Xanatos. The young man
mirrored his master's moves perfectly. He was slimmer but still
muscular, his body strong and sculpted by Jedi training. As he
moved with Qui-Gon, Xanatos' eyes lingered on his master,
silent caresses from a phantom lover.
As Obi-Wan watched them together, it was clear to him that
Qui-Gon was reevaluating his padawan. They began to spar in
earnest, sabers crashing, bodies moving more quickly. As
painful as the realization was, Obi-Wan couldn't deny that they
really did look stunning together.
Obi-Wan's thoughts were interrupted by a beep from the com
unit. Going over to the wall, Obi-Wan answered it. Qui-Gon had
been summoned to meet with Yoda immediately. Handing Qui-Gon a
towel, Obi-Wan relayed the message. Their fingers brushed
against each other and their eyes met. Warmth radiated through
Obi-Wan at the contact and he blushed as he realized Qui-Gon
could feel his need. Qui-Gon smiled at him, silently supportive
and understanding. "While I find out what Yoda wants, could you
show Xanatos how to counter that move?"
Grateful for Qui-Gon's steadiness, he replied, "Certainly."
Obi-Wan worked with Xanatos, patiently explaining the
counter-move and allowing him to practice it. Xanatos picked up
the defense quickly. They were soon sparring, trying to judge
the measure of one another.
Obi-Wan was surprised to feel a flicker of jealousy toward
Xanatos. Being this close to him, Obi-Wan could see how his
muscles tensed beneath his flawless pale skin as he fought,
smell the tang of his sweat, hear the harsh panting of his
breath. It was arousing. How could Qui-Gon fail to see him as a
man?
Xanatos was overwhelmed by Obi-Wan's intensity. No wonder
Qui-Gon was captivated by this man. He radiated assurance,
confidence, passion. Obi-Wan was a worthy match for Qui-Gon,
much more so than himself, awkward and inexperienced. Dark
wings of hate and despair beat at the corners of his mind.
The fight escalated and Dark emotions swirled around them -
fear, jealousy, hate. Xanatos tried to use Obi-Wan's move to
disarm him. It almost worked, but Obi-Wan countered and both
their sabers went flying. Xanatos found his momentum carrying
him down to the mat, Obi-Wan beneath him. Unthinking, Xanatos
pressed his advantage, wrestling for dominance.
Obi-Wan struggled, twisting to roll Xanatos onto his back,
covering and subduing Xanatos with his body. As quickly as
their Dark emotions had surfaced they changed, metamorphosing
into passion. Instinctively Obi-Wan closed the distance between
them, capturing Xanatos' lips, forcing his tongue into the wet
heat of Xanatos' mouth.
Xanatos stiffened momentarily then melted into the rough touch.
He'd never felt this out of control before. It was amazing. He
arched up, rubbing his groin against Obi-Wan's, feeling
hardness meet hardness. He tried to roll Obi-Wan over,
desperate to control a small part of this tempest.
Obi-Wan allowed Xanatos to push them onto their sides, but no
further. Pulling at Xanatos' tunic, Obi-Wan bared the smooth,
almost delicate chest to his touch. Xanatos cried out as
Obi-Wan pinched his nipple, then retaliated, forcing Obi-Wan's
tunic apart.
They were gasping and grunting, desperate for completion as
they worked each other's leggings open. Obi-Wan jerked Xanatos'
erection several times before Xanatos had the presence of mind
to return the favor. They thrust against each other, pleasure
building to its inevitable conclusion. Their cries echoed off
the bare walls of the training room.
When Xanatos could think again, he found himself curled against
Obi-Wan, his head pillowed on Obi-Wan's chest. He was suddenly
terribly embarrassed to have behaved so wantonly. When he tried
to move away, Obi-Wan's arms tightened around him, holding him
close.
Obi-Wan's voice was gruff as he said, "Stay with me for a
moment, Xan. Don't be embarrassed." Obi-Wan stroked Xanatos'
braid off his face with a gentle hand. "I'm sorry that was so
abrupt, you deserve more than a quick roll on the ground."
Xanatos blushed, grateful that his face was pressed against
Obi-Wan and thus not visible to the other man. His body still
tingled. "Don't apologize, it was unbelievable."
"Yes, it was." Obi-Wan sighed. Things had gotten out of control
so quickly he hadn't thought of the consequences. Obi-Wan wiped
his hand on his leggings and began to straighten Xanatos'
clothes, then his own. When they were both a little more
together, Obi-Wan drew Xanatos close again. "Did you feel the
Darkness while we were fighting?"
Content to stay in Obi-Wan's arms, Xanatos nodded. "Yes. I'm
sorry, I was jealous of you and your connection with Qui-Gon."
Obi-Wan ran his fingers through Xanatos' spiky hair. "It wasn't
just you, I was jealous also."
"What?" Xanatos' head snapped up and he met Obi-Wan's eyes.
"I was thinking how beautiful you looked with Qui-Gon, how you
moved together perfectly. I envied your bond because I know how
wonderful that connection can be." Obi-Wan's voice trailed off.
Xanatos' eyes widened as he saw into the depths of Obi-Wan's
pain. "You love him."
"Yes. As do you."
Stunned, Xanatos was unable to deny Obi-Wan's words. Sitting
up, Xanatos said, "He doesn't see me as more than a student.
I've loved him for years, but he's completely oblivious to how
deep my feelings are." It was a relief to tell someone of his
inner pain, someone uniquely qualified to understand.
Obi-Wan sat up, pulling Xanatos against his side. "It's hard
for him. He remembers you as a child. Even though he knows you
are an adult, he still has that image of you." Obi-Wan smiled
gently to himself, remembering the persuasion it had taken for
Qui-Gon to admit that he was ready for a relationship.
"I don't understand. If you just met Qui-Gon, how do you know
him and love him so deeply?"
Obi-Wan leaned over and kissed Xanatos' forehead. "Only Yoda
and Qui-Gon know what I'm about to tell you. It doesn't go
further than here, okay?"
Xanatos nodded. "Okay."
"I'm from thirty years in the future. The equilibrium between
Light and Dark is being disrupted so I've been sent back to
change the future, to restore balance. In my future, I was
Qui-Gon's padawan and eventually his bondmate. He was killed
during a mission five years ago."
Xanatos' face went white at Obi-Wan's words. "Oh Force."
"Yoda says the future is always in motion."
"So you're trying to save him." Xanatos looked relieved.
"It's not the primary goal, but, yes, I'd be happy if things
turned out differently." Obi-Wan smiled slightly.
"How do you stand it?" Xanatos whispered. At Obi-Wan's
questioning look Xanatos elaborated. "It hurts so much to love
him and not have him. I can't imagine what it would be like to
love him, have him, and then lose him."
Obi-Wan's eyes darkened for a moment. "Losing Qui-Gon was
incredibly painful, like a wound that will never completely
heal. But I hold the time we had together close to my heart. I
know he's one with the Force and that I'll be with him again.
That knowledge makes our separation bearable."
Xanatos reached out and traced a finger along Obi-Wan's jaw.
"After being bonded to him you must be so lonely."
Closing is eyes briefly, Obi-Wan captured Xanatos' hand and
pressed a kiss to his palm. "There's an emptiness, physically
and mentally, that nothing can fill." Obi-Wan cleared his
throat quietly. "I haven't been intimate with anyone since
Qui-Gon's death. Being with you now can't replace him, but it
does feel wonderful to touch and feel again. I thought I'd lost
that for good."
Xanatos lightly kissed Obi-Wan's lips. "It does feel fantastic.
Ever since I can remember having fantasies, I've been solely
focused on Qui-Gon. I've had opportunities to have physical
relationships, but I didn't want to. Nobody else has ever
excited me the way he does. I'm stunned by what happened
between us."
Qui-Gon walked back to the practice room shaking his head. As
much as he loved and respected his master, Yoda could be
infuriatingly obtuse. He had hurried to the Council chambers
expecting a crisis, only to find that Yoda wanted to discuss a
minor point of an old mission report. After explaining the
mission details, Qui-Gon had asked why he had really been
summoned. Yoda had basically told him it was necessary,
whatever that meant.
Qui-Gon entered the practice room expecting to see Obi-Wan and
Xanatos engaged in sparring. He stopped, stunned at the sight
before him. They were engaged, all right. Sitting on the mat,
Xanatos was molded against Obi-Wan's side, wrapped in a close
embrace. They looked flushed and disheveled. As Qui-Gon
watched, their lips touched in a gentle kiss.
The rush of Darkness that assailed Qui-Gon was unexpected.
Blinking, he tried to focus on his feelings. Jealousy clawed at
him. Obi-Wan was touching someone else. And that someone else
was his padawan. All of a sudden, Qui-Gon realized how blind he
had been. He finally saw what had been before his eyes for
quite a while - Xanatos had grown into a man, a beautiful,
sensual, caring man. He felt jealous that Obi-Wan was kissing
his apprentice, a gift that should have been given to him.
Considering the root cause of his jealousy Qui-Gon acknowledged
that he feared losing them both, feared being alone.
Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon enter the room, but stayed focused on
Xanatos. Maybe seeing them like this would convince Qui-Gon
that Xanatos was an adult. As they brushed lips, Obi-Wan hoped
he was doing the right thing.
Qui-Gon walked over to Obi-Wan and Xanatos. Kneeling before
them, he reached out, touching both beloved faces. "You are
both beautiful."
Obi-Wan smiled gently at Qui-Gon and released Xanatos. "Now do
you believe me?"
Looking into Xanatos' startled eyes, seeing the boundless love
directed at him, Qui-Gon whispered, "Yes."
Biting his lower lip, Obi-Wan made a decision. "Then I'll leave
you alone."
"Wait." Both Qui-Gon and Xanatos spoke together.
Qui-Gon's hand ran through Obi-Wan's hair. "Don't leave us."
Looking between the man he had loved for years and the man he
had just discovered, Obi-Wan succumbed to his heart. "I won't."
The Serenity Garden was pleasantly cool, filtered light
dappling the lush ground-cover of vegetation beneath the canopy
of the ghekia trees. Their rich smell permeated the glade, the
quiet rush of water over rock the only sound. After spending
several moments in the training room, soaking up the warmth of
their emotions, Qui-Gon had suggested they adjourn to a less
public place to talk. The privacy of this garden was assured,
and the calm beauty soothing.
There were so many questions.
Qui-Gon settled himself on the ground, watching as Obi-Wan
knelt by the stream, rinsing his hands and splashing cool water
onto his face. Xanatos moved around the clearing, looking at
the diverse plants, seemingly unable to contain his energy.
When he noticed Obi-Wan refreshing himself at the water's edge,
Xanatos followed his example.
Smiling broadly, Qui-Gon appreciated the view. When Obi-Wan
splashed water at Xanatos, lightly spraying him, Qui-Gon
laughed aloud at Xanatos' startled squeak and Obi-Wan's
chuckle. Force, but they were gorgeous together.
Sputtering, Xanatos glared at Obi-Wan before breaking into a
smile under the force of Obi-Wan's bemused expression. Flopping
onto his back, Xanatos shook with laughter.
Looking over at Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan grinned and rolled his eyes,
glad that the tension that had built between them had been
dissipated. Running his wet hands through his hair, Obi-Wan
moved over to sit beside Qui-Gon. They waited patiently as
Xanatos quieted then crawled over to complete the triangle.
Always the diplomat, Qui-Gon said, "Well, this is certainly an
awkward situation. But I think we should be honest about our
feelings and see if we can't reach a solution."
After a momentary silence, Obi-Wan began the discussion.
"Qui-Gon, I've told Xanatos who I am, when I'm from, and why
I'm here. You know the strength of my love for you. But I think
I've found the change needed to right the balance in the
Force." Obi-Wan looked over at Xanatos, now intently serious.
"In my future, you two never had a sexual relationship. I'm not
sure of all the details, but now, knowing how Xanatos feels, I
think your relationship is the key."
Xanatos spoke up. "But how could our relationship have any real
effect on such a huge disturbance in the future?"
"It's like throwing a small rock into a calm lake, the ripples
spread across the water for great distances," Qui-Gon said
simply.
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, I think the ripple effect of a small
change now will have major repercussions."
Thinking for a moment, Xanatos voiced the concern the others
were also considering. "But if we bond now, Qui-Gon won't be
free for you."
"I think it's a sacrifice I'll have to make, for the good of
the many." Obi-Wan said softly.
Qui-Gon reached out to take Obi-Wan's hand. "I feel the
rightness of being with you, Obi-Wan. It is too great a
sacrifice for you, for us. We have to find another solution."
"Beside," Xanatos said tentatively, "I may love Qui-Gon, but he
doesn't feel the same way."
Still holding on to Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon captured Xanatos' hand
with his free one. "You're wrong, Xanatos. I couldn't admit to
myself how much I wanted you, loved you. I hid behind your
youth, kept telling myself that as my padawan you were
forbidden. But the feelings are there, deep inside. I do love
you."
Obi-Wan saw Xanatos' brilliant smile and even though his heart
was breaking, knew he was doing the right thing by bringing
them together. He loved Qui-Gon enough to give him, and the
future, a second chance. That he loved Xanatos, also, was a
surprise, but one that allowed him some measure of peace.
Clutching his hand, Xanatos looked into the endless blue of
Qui-Gon's eyes. "I've loved you for years, Master. Hearing you
say you loved me too was my greatest wish. But there has to be
a way to right the future without hurting Obi-Wan like this.
We're talking about erasing his entire life, denying him love.
I can't do that to him."
The love behind the words was obvious. Obi-Wan took Xanatos'
free hand, completing the circle. As that final link closed,
Obi-Wan saw the solution. "We love each other. We need to bond,
create a connection between the three of us," he said with
conviction.
They sat in stunned silence. A gentle breeze blew, releasing a
torrent of small, purple ghekia flowers. The petals rained down
over them like confetti, adorning their hair.
Finally Qui-Gon said, "It is an elegant solution, but I don't
know if it's possible."
Excited, Xanatos squeezed their hands. "It has to be, it's the
perfect solution."
Feeling the weight of responsibility and despair begin to lift,
Obi-Wan said, "It is. We need to talk to Yoda."
Not wanting to leave the peace of the garden, Qui-Gon reached
over their link and asked Yoda to join them. The ancient master
grumped, but arrived surprisingly quickly.
Seeing the circle, Yoda's eyes widened, "A solution you have
found, hm?"
Qui-Gon nodded to his mentor. "We want to create a bond between
the three of us."
Yoda's ears twitched. "Unprecedented, it is."
Obi-Wan smiled hopefully. "But not impossible?"
Closing his eyes, Yoda looked into the Force. "No, for the
Chosen One, not impossible."
Xanatos looked confused. "Who?"
Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows. "The one who will bring balance to
the Force."
All eyes focused on Obi-Wan, who was shaking his head. "Don't
look at me."
"It makes sense, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon said. "Of course, it doesn't
really matter what we call you. The fact remains we need to
form a unique bond, and if you can make it work, that's
enough."
Sighing, Obi-Wan conceded the point. "All right. Master Yoda, I
bonded with Qui-Gon, so I know what to expect in that regard,
but is there anything special I should know before we try?"
"Meditate, you should. Peaceful, you must be." Yoda turned to
leave. Before he shuffled through the door, he said, "Do or do
not, there is no try."
Obi-Wan drifted, trying to quiet his mind. He had to be
absolutely certain that he wanted the bond or it would fail. He
could sense Qui-Gon and Xanatos meditating next to him. They
were absolutely certain. But he was the one giving up his
future, giving up his Qui-Gon. For all the heartache of losing
him, having Qui-Gon had been such a joy, a unique, infinitely
precious experience that Obi-Wan couldn't help but mourn its
potential loss.
Feeling the smooth surface of Qui-Gon's birthday rock, Obi-Wan
relaxed, letting himself remember his time with Qui-Gon. Even
before they had bonded, his master had been the center of his
universe. He couldn't count the lessons Qui-Gon had taught him,
always with patience and support, whether he succeeded or
failed.
Obi-Wan remembered their first kiss, the tenderness and
excitement. He remembered the first time they had made love and
the incredible joy of belonging to Qui-Gon. He remembered
bonding, the completeness of two united as one.
In his mind, they were together again, standing in the circle
of rock. Qui-Gon smiled at him, reaching out with a luminous
hand to touch Obi-Wan's cheek. "All will be well, my padawan.
You have found the path you were destined to travel. I will be
with you, Obi-Wan, for our love is eternal."
Obi-Wan kissed Qui-Gon gently, a final touch. "I will always
love you, Qui-Gon." Even as Qui-Gon faded from view, Obi-Wan
felt at peace with his decision.
Opening his eyes, Obi-Wan found Qui-Gon and Xanatos watching
him. "I'm ready."
They decided to remain in the glade, surrounded by water, rocks
and vegetation, a place strong with the living Force.
Meditation had convinced them of the rightness of this path.
Now all that was left was to join together to create the bond.
Obi-Wan removed his boots and socks, and wiggled his toes. Now
that he knew they were on the right path, he wanted it to be
fun. Qui-Gon was following every move he made, a predator
tracking its prey -- only Obi-Wan had no desire to escape. The
pull between them, the primal yearning was back full force, and
Obi-Wan reveled in it.
Xanatos looked to Qui-Gon for reassurance. He knew what they
were supposed to do, but never having done it, he was nervous.
Sensing his apprehension, Qui-Gon pulled Xanatos into a light
embrace, kissing his forehead before descending on his lips.
Xanatos opened to him like a blossom, drinking in the love
flowing through their training bond.
Obi-Wan watched master and padawan discovering the taste, the
feel of each other. It was a beautiful sight. Before he got
completely distracted, Obi-Wan looked through his utility belt,
hoping to find something suitable to use for lubricant. It had
been a standing joke with Qui-Gon that Obi-Wan always managed
to carry something innocuous that could be used as lube. It had
been so long since he'd needed to worry about such things that
he feared he wouldn't find anything. Fortunately, he discovered
a tube of gel used to moisturize skin and soothe sunburn. It
would work.
Pulling off his tunic, Obi-Wan walked over to his loves,
wrapping an arm around both of their waists. Xanatos broke the
kiss and turned to Obi-Wan, silently asking for contact.
Obi-Wan grinned, tilting his head so they wouldn't bump noses
as their lips met. Xanatos tasted fresh and alive, flushed with
the exuberance of youth.
When they separated, Qui-Gon claimed Obi-Wan's lips as Xanatos
caressed the smooth skin of his back. Enveloped in peace and
love, Obi-Wan allowed himself to feel truly happy for the first
time since Naboo.
Slowly their passion built and the gentle touches became more
demanding. Qui-Gon helped Xanatos remove his tunic, baring the
slender body to his gaze. He had looked upon his student often
enough, but now his perspective was altered. He saw the sleek,
smooth chest, small dusky nipples, the sensual way Xanatos
stood under his careful inspection. Running his hand down the
dark braid, Qui-Gon said, "You are beautiful, Xan."
Obi-Wan embraced Xanatos from behind, kissing his shoulder
blades and the back of his neck, hands skimming over his
stomach. Xanatos gasped and arched back into Obi-Wan, reassured
by his solid presence. Qui-Gon took off his own tunic and
enfolded Xanatos and Obi-Wan in his arms. Xanatos moaned. The
feel of bare skin on his chest and back was scrumptious.
As they undressed completely, the level of excitement rose
perceptibly. Obi-Wan appreciated Xanatos' alluring body, the
contrast of pale skin and black hair. But he was captivated by
Qui-Gon. He couldn't help running his hands over Qui-Gon,
cataloging the similarities and differences between this
younger man and his older lover. There was no doubt in his mind
that, whatever age, Qui-Gon was magnificent.
Obi-Wan was drawn from his observations as Xanatos knelt before
him and began to kiss his stomach. Obi-Wan locked eyes with
Qui-Gon, freely showing the rush of pleasure that engulfed him
as Xanatos enveloped his aroused flesh in warm wetness.
Xanatos' untutored pleasuring was enthusiastic and quite
wonderful. When Qui-Gon moved behind Obi-Wan, rubbing his
hardness against the softness of Obi-Wan's skin, Obi-Wan found
it difficult to breathe.
Obi-Wan tugged lightly on Xanatos' braid to get his attention.
When he looked up, Obi-Wan smiled saying, "You are wonderful,
Xan. I want to taste you." Pushing Xanatos backward onto the
soft trilla grass, Obi-Wan followed him down. Qui-Gon watched
Xanatos' face as Obi-Wan licked his erection. Seeing Xanatos'
wide-eyed wonder was a pleasure in and of itself.
Qui-Gon stretched out next to Xanatos, drew his hand up and
began kissing and nibbling his fingers. Xanatos squirmed,
suspended between the overwhelming sensations that Obi-Wan was
creating and the subtle pleasure of Qui-Gon nipping the skin
between his thumb and index finger.
Obi-Wan released Xanatos, licking his way up Xanatos' stomach
until he attached his lips to Xanatos' nipple. The spike of
pleasure that shot through Xanatos caused him to shiver.
Qui-Gon soothed him, kissing his face and telling him how
treasured he was to both of them. Between feathery kisses,
Obi-Wan added his agreement.
As Qui-Gon continued to kiss and caress Xanatos, Obi-Wan
slithered over Qui-Gon's legs to lie behind him. Obi-Wan
scratched his fingernails lightly up and down Qui-Gon's back,
tracing the ridge of vertebrae. He followed his fingers with
his tongue, gently laving the warm flesh.
Obi-Wan reached out to the Force, feeling the swirls and eddies
of passion and love surrounding them. This was the energy he
needed to harness to forge their bond. He felt the touch of
Qui-Gon's mind, gently seeking. He had to consciously hold
back, to make contact slowly instead of hurling himself at his
beloved master as his mind cried out to do.
Touching minds soothed Obi-Wan, filling a familiar ache inside
him and helping to vanquish the loneliness. Obi-Wan sighed with
pleasure, opening himself fully, letting Qui-Gon get to know
him. Reaching along the training bond, Obi-Wan made contact
with Xanatos, feeling wonder and adoration radiating from the
young man.
Obi-Wan used the mental connection to suggest how he wanted to
proceed.
Qui-Gon kissed Xanatos' palm then moved to kneel behind him.
Obi-Wan helped Xanatos sit up slightly so he was nestled
between Qui-Gon's legs, enveloped in his teacher's reassuring
arms.
Obi-Wan brushed through the trilla grass looking for the gel.
When he found it, he returned to Xanatos, kneeling between his
legs, spreading them carefully. Qui-Gon spoke quietly to
Xanatos, describing little things about his lovers, how
beautiful Obi-Wan's hair was, how Xanatos' lush lower lip
tormented him. Obi-Wan smiled at the care Qui-Gon took to make
Xanatos feel comfortable.
Coating his fingers with the cool gel, Obi-Wan warmed it before
bringing his hand down to Xanatos. Circling the opening to
Xanatos' body, Obi-Wan slowly applied pressure, pushing one
finger inside. Qui-Gon petted Xanatos, helping him relax as
Obi-Wan added another finger and began stretching him. The
connection between them sang with pleasure as Xanatos accepted
Obi-Wan's touch without hesitation.
Leaning down, Obi-Wan kissed Xanatos, then moved up to meet
Qui-Gon's lips. Their mental connection throbbed, demanding
attention. Obi-Wan pulled back and slicked his erection. Alert
for any signs of distress, Obi-Wan slowly eased himself into
Xanatos. As their bodies joined, their minds moved closer,
tendrils of thought weaving together forming a tenuous bond.
Feeling the beginnings of the deeper connection, Qui-Gon slid
out from behind Xanatos, allowing him to rest on the soft
cushion of trilla grass. Obi-Wan moved carefully in and out of
Xanatos' trembling body, feeling their pleasure grow.
When Qui-Gon's fingers entered Obi-Wan, he relaxed into the
welcome intrusion, demanding more immediately. Qui-Gon obliged,
replacing his fingers with his arousal, sliding deep, mind and
body enveloping Obi-Wan.
They moved together slowly, finding a rhythm. As the initial
awkwardness dissipated, they gradually increased the pace,
giving everything to each other. Thrusting forward into Xanatos
and backward against Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan focused on the incredible
physical sensations, tapping the energy of their passion. The
strands of their bond strengthened, entwining in ever more
complex patterns.
They were so close. Obi-Wan sent a pulse of joy and love
through the bond. As their bodies convulsed in orgasm, their
minds completed the final connections, binding the three as
one.
The silence of the glade was broken by murmurs of love and
contentment. Qui-Gon sat with his back against the smooth bark
of a ghekia tree, Obi-Wan and Xanatos creating a mirror image,
heads pillowed on Qui-Gon's shoulders. Ghekia petals drifted on
the breeze, delicately beautiful.
The bond stretched between them, strong and sure, filled with
promise for the future.
EPILOGUE
I stand in the glade of the Serenity Garden watching Xanatos'
knighting ceremony. The ghekia trees are in full bloom, raining
petals and filling the garden with a tangy scent. Every time I
smell ghekia my mind is transported to the first time we made
love in this place, the time Qui-Gon, Xanatos and I bonded.
I thank the Force every day for bringing me to this time and
giving me a second chance at happiness. Our bonding changed the
future, averted a great imbalance. While I am pleased that this
is so, selfishly I am most glad that our unique bond allowed me
to stay with my loves. I am also grateful that I remember my
previous life and Qui-Gon's precious love.
We are still unsure of how I got to this time or exactly what
we averted in the future. Nonetheless, there is a rightness
singing in the Force that tells me this new future is brighter
than the last. And after five lonely years without Qui-Gon, I
know I'm overjoyed to be with him and Xanatos in this timeline.
Yoda made quiet inquires about my family, and found out that
Owen was an only child. Since the only ones who know of my
history are my bondmates and Master Yoda, I try not to worry
about the details, trusting that all that happened was the will
of the Force.
Over the years, the three of us have gotten closer, if that is
possible. Xanatos has grown into a fine man and a Jedi strong
in the Light. Welcoming him into our ranks today is a joyous
occasion and one that Qui-Gon is rightly proud of. I see the
happiness on their faces and feel the love pouring through our
bond. It is staggering how central they are to my life.
As Qui-Gon cuts Xanatos' braid, I feel the training bond
dissolve. It is such a small part of our connection that
severing it is not traumatic. We have strengthened our bond
daily, working together, fighting together, loving together.
The ceremony concludes, and I step forward to congratulate
Xanatos and Qui-Gon, kissing each one lightly on the lips.
Being with them is such an incredible joy. I will never tire of
the excitement and wonder I feel facing the future with them.
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