Warnings: character death, but no violence or sex.
Spoilers: several scenes directly from TPM, probably want to
skip if you don't want to be spoiled for the movie.
Summary: POV with alternate universe ending, angst, and implied
m/m relationship
Feedback: yes, please.
Disclaimer: Lucas owns it all, no money made, etc.,etc.
Notes: Thanks Hutch and Master Jul-Hai for beta reading this
and all the help!
My hands gripped the boy's shoulder. "Very well. I will train
him then. I take Anakin Skywalker to be my Padawan learner."
I could feel your shock, --in fact, I'd be surprised if the
entire Council hadn't. Perhaps I imagined the anger and hurt
that followed, so quickly were they shielded. So readily did
you step up to support me when I declared you ready. "I am! I
am ready to face the trials!" Always have you come to my
defense. Yet the look you gave me, so distant, your mind locked
tight against mine. I could feel the tension in your body as we
left the chamber. Signs so subtle I doubt anyone else would
have seen them; the tightness in your walk, the set of your
jaw.
I know I should have spoken with you before we met with the
Council, let you know how strongly I felt on the boy being the
chosen one. Was it too much for you to trust me on this? You've
known me heart and mind, body and soul, for these past several
years. Was it this that sparked my own anger, or merely dented
pride in your lack of faith in me?
"It is not disrespect, Master! It is the truth!"
"From your point of view, perhaps." Dammit, why would you not
see mine?
"The boy is dangerous. They all sense it. Why can't you?" I
could feel frustration leaking through your mental shields. How
then could I not feel the pain there as well? Yet at that
moment, all I sensed was the anger.
"His fate is uncertain, but he is not dangerous. The Council
will decide Anakin's future. That should be enough for you. Now
get on board!" Ah, the flinch that last sentence caused,
quickly masked in anger as you turned and stalked up the ramp.
You had always felt so strongly, even as a boy. Perhaps I
expected too much of the man, in leaving all of the child
behind.
I'm amazed no one else detected the tension between us on the
transport to Naboo. The wall between us gnawed at me. Jedi
Master I may be, but the rejected lover couldn't be silenced.
Why did I expect you to bridge the gap that had formed? Was my
pride that unyielding? The fall from the pedestal so unexpected
that I lost sight of you completely? It's common for the
apprentice to idolize the master, this I knew. Even joining as
lovers hadn't completely eliminated it. Was it my own
insecurity showing that I didn't try harder to dissuade it?
Perhaps. I saw the beautiful young men and women who vied for
your attention on our missions, my young love. Was it the fear
that I would lose you to them, once you saw me as merely a man,
that held my tongue? Even now the answer eludes me, or I elude
it.
Despite the fact the rift was my fault, yes I must admit that
now, you spoke first to ease the breach. Could you feel the
overwhelming pride I had in you at that moment? Could you feel
the truth as I admitted you were wiser than I? Never was a
statement more true, nor my love for you deeper. Your mind was
still shielded, though less so now. Now, I could feel the pain
underlying the anger and frustration; the rejection you
perceived that I never intended. Master and Padawan would lay
in the past if I trained the boy, true, but never would I have
let you go. Until you wanted to leave, and then I prayed I'd
have the strength to wish you happiness.
Time. So wondrous, yet so cruel. A lifetime passes in an
instance, yet a second can last an eternity. The battle with
the Sith raged longer than any I had fought outside of a Jedi
training exercise. His skill was breathtaking. I have been
considered one of the great swordsmen of the Jedi, and you my
young Padawan were my equal, soon to surpass even the best of
us. But he matched our combined skill, effortlessly it seemed.
My death at the Sith's hands made more sense. Your future lay
before you, a great Jedi knight and master. A seat on the
Council in time to be sure. Ah, time.
You always were quick. A second slower and the last energy
field would have reactivated and separated us. The blow was
meant for me. In the split second before your body moved in
front of me, I saw my death. My death. Never yours, my young
Padawan, never yours. For the first time since I left my own
apprenticeship behind I fought with anger. A rage such as I
have never felt filled me, and strengthened me. Could I have
defeated him without it? I cannot say. But the cost of that
victory; too high a price to ask of any man. Even as I pour
what healing energies I can into you, I know it's futile.
Finally, the last of the walls between us are gone. Know how
much I love you. You made me better simply by being. Can a man
live without a soul? I weep as I pull your body close to mine.
Yet now is not the time for questions. Ah, time... An instance
to last eternity, a lifetime of love and memories to exchange
in a second.
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