Master Apprentice Archive Three Roads, One Destiny: Third Road Quick search:

Three Roads, One Destiny: Third Road

by Master Yo-Gurt and MrsHamill

Archives: My, we're so POPular! Master & Apprentice, StarWarsChicks, Fanfiction.net, MyLoversCharms; all else please ask and ye shall receive

Category: AU, Angst, Romance, POV, First Time

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Graphic sexual situations and language

Spoilers: can somebody spell that for me please? None whatsoever.

Summary: Third part in a four part 'prequel' to "Jedi HMO". How came the infamous triad to be? From Qui-Gon's point of view.

Feedback: Always appreciated, the good, the bad ... but we might tend to ignore the absolutely horrendously ugly. Master Yo-Gurt at quigon_jinn21@hotmail.com, MrsHamill at thamill@mgfairfax.rr.com

Disclaimer: Whatever, George owns them, otherwise we just know for sure Qui-Gon would still be alive and they'd have a sex life. Do we make money out of this? ... [hysterical laughter] ... DO WE? ... No. Do we WISH we would? Is that a trick question?

Notes: Crysta, Gill, Chris and Silky were our betas. The last came up with the beautiful title and saved our butts when we needed a good love scene between Qui and Lia. Thanks to Master Yo-Gurt's Padawan Torva Kenari for allowing us to corrupt her name. Stay tuned to this bat-station for part four, CrossRoads.

Qui-Gon:

I never sleep well when I'm alone aboard a ship.

For the past three years, I have become used to having either Lia or Obi-Wan, or both, in bed with me. Not that being close to my two lovers would make sleep any easier. Rather the contrary. We always find time to think of exhaustive, very pleasing exercises to prepare us for sleep only the Force grants easily.

I was alone on the Malastarian freighter I had arranged for transport back to Coruscant. It was a slow trip, but all that had been available on relatively short notice. As it happened, negotiations with the Trade Federation and some Outer Rim colonies were easier than I had previously thought, even with the unexpected drawback of being the only Jedi to mediate between the disputing parties.

I had been sent to Malastare together with Knight Bo'Narr, an expert in the economic dealings of that sector of the galaxy. Unfortunately, she contracted some sort of local virus and had to be sent back to Coruscant much sooner than to my liking. Yet, despite lacking her help, I managed to broker an agreement between Aks Moe, the representative for Malastare, and Ka-y Dugaan of the Trevalian colonies. Negotiations were exhaustive, and I finally grabbed my first, best opportunity to flee this abysmal dread.

If only Obi-Wan and Lia could have been here with me! I hadn't seen Lia in over a month, and my Padawan only sporadically within the last two weeks. He had been sent to Hoth, and I grimaced thinking about his, our mutual dislike for the cold. Lia didn't seemed to mind cold weather, but then I suspected women might not have "shrinkage" problems either.

I was sitting in the mess hall of the freighter , toying with the small holochip I've carried with me ever since Lia, Obi-Wan, and I had acknowledged our mutual bond. Mace has teased me about it often. I held the chip in my hand and switched it on. A small, 3-D image flashed to life and I longingly gazed at it. It was an image of the three of us during one of those very rare downtimes when we had been on Neantal V for some R&R.

How I missed to be together with them! The arrangements for Obi-Wan and my assignments by the Council were just ridiculous and I decided to take the matter up with either Mace or Kai-Adi, the two Council members mainly in charge of scheduling missions. Lia's flight plans were pretty much dictated by her Pilot's Guild, and the Council did not have much say into their business dealings, but I was determined to try and talk to her superiors as well. Just as soon as I was on Coruscant again. Home -- what a familiar, and yet strangely foreign place that had become!

It must have been several minutes that I looked at the little holo-projection. I was tired and not entirely focused on the people around me. My reverie was suddenly disrupted by Aks Moe, the Malastarian, who had taken the same transport back to Coruscant with me.

"Nice holo! Your slaves?" he inquired politely, yet with very much "business" interest in his voice. Slavery was a way of life for his people, so his question didn't startle me entirely. I hastily switched the image off and put the chip back into a pocket of my robe.

"Aga'y Moe," -- 'Aga'y' was a ceremonial title on his world and I didn't feel like engaging in warm idle chit-chat with him right now, so I kept it formal -- "...is there anything I can assist you with?" It was the diplomatic thing to ask, but I prayed to the Gods there wouldn't be!

"No, no, Master Jedi. It's just, apparently like yourself, I find it difficult to get any sleep on this Bakk-Ha!" I rummaged through my Malastarian vocabulary. Ah yes, 'Bakk-Ha' = trash barge. Very nicely put. I gave him a weak smile. He continued.

"You look very tired, I bet you miss the comfort of your two Tak'e'Nay." Now my vocabulary was working in overdrive, what did this word mean again? Ah, there it was, I almost forgot, 'Tak'e'Nay' = slave, especially for sexual pleasure, and I decided to set the record straight with him.

"No, Aga'y, they are not my slaves, not Tak'e'Nay," I said, trying to get the right pronunciation.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Master Jedi, I forgot you don't believe in these kinds of partnerships." To hear him describe a pleasure slave as a willing 'partner' made me cringe inwardly. "Then they must be your ..." and now it was his turn to search his vocabulary for an appropriate human term, "...your huss-bentts, yes?" He smiled and I tiredly smiled back at him.

"Yes, Aag'y Moe, something like that." I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes, wishing he's just go away.

"I'm sure you must have many sabaque with them! A man of your statue, of your strength and reputation. They should be very proud to be paired with you, Master Jinn."

I know it was meant as a compliment by him, and again I dug through my rusty vocabulary of Malastarian. 'Sabaque' = seeds; offspring, children. It was an almost too private question to ask of me, but I remembered how much more open Malastarians were when it came to personal matters. In fact, 'daharee' = personal, meant quite something different to them than to, let's say, humans. I tried to circumvent the question.

"No, I'm afraid we do not have any sabaque, and that is quite alright with us." What was I doing, allowing myself to be drawn into a conversation about personal things with this man? I tried to retreat as diplomatically as possible, I didn't wish to discuss anything with a Tik = creature like him. Damn Malastarian vocabulary!

I rubbed my eyes for show and yawned right into his face "I am so sorry, Aag'y, but this has been a rather exhaustive mission for me. If there is nothing else of pressing importance, I will retire to my quarters now." I stood up to make sure he indeed got my drift.

"Of course, of course, I see you are tired." Thank the Force he was at least that perceptive. I bowed slightly in his direction and made it to the safety of my cabin which I locked securely.

Now for sure I couldn't sleep, having the image of both Obi-Wan and Lia as my ever obedient Tak'e'Nays in front of my eyes! I sighed and tried to center myself on the Force to get at least a tiny measure of composure back, but it was of no use. Warmth and love could not be replaced by a hologram, nor could my physical need for them, so, for the time being, I settled down to slowly, languorously pleasuring myself, imagining him in my ass and her mounted on my cock.

After another 12 hours I was even more tired than when I had left Malastare. I was more than relieved to finally leave the transport at the Temple dock. It was early afternoon, about the second hour past noon, and I already knew I wouldn't get much rest before my scheduled meeting with the Council for a 'short' debriefing. I snorted, what a misnomer. It usually took two to three hours till the questions of all Council members were answered to their satisfaction.

I did warn Obi-Wan over and over again not to tease me with his chiding that I could be on the Council by now. I don't wish to, never have! Being on a dangerous mission with my Padawan and Lia was more than double it's rewards for me.

But it did have a price, too. I knew that sabaque were quite out of the question for us. Not that we wouldn't be very capable parents, no. But in order to care for a child I always maintained that one's home life should be stable. Our missions kept us apart as it was, how in the Force would we fit in a teething baby, or a sick child? Besides, how many times had Obi-Wan and I cheated death on some of our missions? A Jedi's way of life didn't afford him much safety at times, and Lia herself had encountered many dangerous situations with the great potential of getting in harm's way. The chances of one of us getting killed during our tours of duty -- well, I didn't care to calculate the odds., but they weren't good with regards to raising sabaque!

Lia actually never seemed to have harbored the need to be a parent. Her job as a pilot was her life, just as serving the Jedi and the Republic was Obi-Wan's and mine. We were happy the way we were. Three committed partners, although not life-bonded (for some reason none of us ever pushed the issue), but dedicated in every aspects of our lives to each other.

Which was something the dratted Council had denied us for over a month now! Again I made a mental note to talk to Windu.

Walking slowly from the docking hangar towards our quarters I began sensing both Lia's and Obi-Wan's presence in the Temple. Good! At last we would be able to spend some time together. Yet I also sensed they were not at home, but wasn't sure why.

I keyed in the code to our quarters and was greeted by the slight chaos that was to be found in any lived-in quarter. Obi-Wan had dropped his bag and robe right next to the entrance, and when I went into the bedroom there was no denying the fact that an indulgent welcome back "celebration" had been held by Lia in honor of my Padawan's arrival. The sheets were crumpled, the spread just casually thrown over the bed. The walk-in closet we all shared was open and clothes were either stacked haphazardly onto chairs or just piled on the floor. From the looks of it, even more so from the feel of it I sensed they had been all over the place, making the entire quarter their sexual playground.

I smiled -- damn, I wished I could have been the one to have arrived home first! I touched the bed, they had been gone for a while now. Thoughtful as they were they had left me a datapad to let me know they were at the naming ceremony of a fellow pilot's first child, and that they would be back before I was likely to be done with my post-mission debriefing duties.

So much for that.

Right now I was just simply too tired to think sex; I just wanted to get a nice, peaceful night's sleep between my lovers. I dropped my bag next to the bed, managed to get out of my robe, which I folded neatly and put on one of the chairs, and then just let myself drop onto the bed to doze off for a nice peaceful nap.

It was a short reprieve, though, as a comlink message urgently reminded me of my duties to the Council. After a quick shower and change into a fresh pair of leggings, a tunic and robe, I started towards the door.

As I left I glanced back quickly, hoping to find my companions with me once this business was finally over.

Mace:

I arrived in the Council chamber that afternoon to find all the members of the Council, along with my good friend Qui-Gon Jinn. He had just come back from his mission to Malastare and awaited his debriefing by us.

My first look at him made me realize how much that mission had taken out of him. Not physically, but he looked tired as can be, his shoulders slightly slumped, his face lacking the usual calm serenity that was so typical of his bearing in front of the Council. For his sake, I tried to make the report go smoothly, but I knew Masters Yoda and Mundi had a particular interest in the negotiations between Malastare and the Trade Federation and thus would have many detailed questions for Qui-Gon. Something forebode trouble, even with the treaty Qui-Gon had been able to negotiate so brilliantly between the two parties.

I looked closely at my old friend. He was answering all questions put to him as smoothly as ever, but I could sense he was ready to slump to the floor to go to sleep right there and then. I decided to end the session quickly after he had delivered his mission notes.

The meeting finally ended. As the council members left the chamber, I held Qui-Gon back with a quick tap to his arm. He turned and looked at me through weary eyes. I only knew too well where his thoughts were right now. I almost decided to renege on my "ambush" of him, to just let him go be with his loved ones, but I simply could not let this pass. I needed an incentive for him to stay, just for a little while, so I could get the rest of the story.

So I smiled my most genial smile. "I bet you haven't eaten yet, old man!" I said.

"Who are you calling 'old man'? You better watch that talk, Master 'Wind-up.'" I knew it was an old joke amongst the Padawans which unfortunately had carried over to some of their Masters. He laughed a tired little laugh, and I thought, at least he still has his humor intact.

"Why don't you and I have a nice meal together? I can whip up something real fast and tasty in no time. Something that will really revive your spirit!" I knew from experience that food during missions was less than varied. They say food is the way to a person's heart ... I say it's another way to a person's mind.

I sensed some hesitation from him, I wasn't sure whether it was from his exhaustion or whether I had let my mental guard down for him to recognize my true intentions.

"Mace, I appreciate your invitation, but I really should be going back to my quarters now. Surely some other time ..." Again he gave me that tired smile, trying hard to exaggerate his physical need for sleep and 'companionship.'

But two can play the game and I was determined not to let him out of my grasp. "Haven't seen much of your companions within the last month, have you?" I said, setting my hook and bait.

With a wry smile he answered. "No, indeed I haven't ..." I didn't let him finish, rather continued with the coupe-de-grace.

"Well, we really should do something about coordinating the schedule of your missions with Lia's, shouldn't we? And arrange for some free time, too!" I flashed him a broad smile.

He turned to me with quizzical eyes. Gotcha! I thought. I had his undivided attention now! "All right, Mace, what is it you want from me? The promise of better scheduling of missions and some downtime for a simple dinner? Where is the downside to your perfectly innocent offer?"

I saw the frown on Qui-Gon's face, but he hadn't handed me a flat out rejection. I lay my hand on his shoulder, and we slowly started to walk to the exit of the Council chamber.

"No downside, Qui-Gon, just some chat, let's say ... about how Master Qui-Gon Jinn, with a more than willing Padawan I might add, came to spend his life with not only with one, but two of the most amiable and engaging people around the Temple."

He groaned, but to my delight didn't decline my request. I heard a sigh, and then he wryly replied, "You really would like to know, Mace, huh?" He shook his head slightly and gave me a tiny chuckle.

"Yes, old friend, I really would!" I took his arm in mine, making sure he couldn't escape on our way to my quarters.

Qui-Gon:

I have always cared a great deal for Obi-Wan, even though our relationship didn't start out on the best footing.

He was a young, inexperienced Jedi initiate desperate for a Master to take him as a Padawan. I was a seasoned Master who against his own better judgement had played with fire and got seriously burned by my last apprentice. The shadow of Xanatos' betrayal of everything I had taught him, everything I had given him -- in knowledge, in emotion, in spirit -- those shadows haunted me and I had sworn to never take on another Padawan again. Never again to be burned, to be hurt that much!

Often I had rejected Obi-Wan and other initiate's pleas to take them as Padawans. It was only when our paths crossed on a mission to Bandomeer that I at last recognized the courage, the spirit, the strength in the Force Obi-Wan harbored. Although reluctant, I made a leap of faith and made him my Padawan when he was very close to his 13th birthday, just before it would have been too late for him.

He has repaid that leap of faith many times. Over the following years he became a loyal, trustworthy and always cheerful apprentice; stubborn, yet very inventive; tenacious and fierce when it came to leaning his lessons from me. I grew to care for him, to cherish him, at first as his teacher, his one fixed point in an ever-changing universe. But then he began to grow up into the wonderful young man he is now, and I began to feel more than just care for him. I felt love in all it's manifestations growing inside of me: I felt physical desire for him, and I found I longed for the emotional closeness that we could share as lovers. Desire, need, and even, finally, lust, all this I felt on a very instinctive, almost feral level. And I so much wanted him to reciprocate my love in the same way.

However, I had sworn to myself never to broach that subject with him until he and I could approach each other as equals, after his trials made him a Jedi Knight. Unless, of course, he brought it up first for some reason, but that, I felt, was unlikely. Because, as Obi-Wan grew past adolescence, he began to steadily accumulate a row of conquests from the ranks of his fellow Padawans, both male and female. To my surprise none of these relationships lasted very long, sometimes a week, sometimes a month or two, but then he seemed to lose interest in his partners.

I wasn't opposed to this way of "experimenting," in fact I had told him on more than one occasion that all relationships, hetero as well as same sex were a very natural, worthy expression of the living Force that flows through everything. And I could see he more than enjoyed his "free-style exercise" bouts into exploring that side of the Force. It didn't interfere with his training, he remained as diligent a student as ever, so I let Obi-Wan be his own master in the free time that he had.

Yet, I must confess, as he grew older seeing the parade of lovers filing through our quarters (although he was always very discrete about his affairs), I felt envy, if not even a bit of jealousy. Emotions that could lead to the dark side I knew, but I was certain I had them under tight control.

Then suddenly both his and my life were changed one day, in a way neither of us ever could ever have foreseen.

I had been away for yet another round of trade negotiations on Malastare, and I knew Obi-Wan would be of little help with the extensive, highly complicated procedures, so I gave him that weekend off to stay behind in the Temple. When I came back, he could hardly hide his glow of contentment and sheer exuberance.

I had just entered our quarters and had put my travel bag next to my bed, when I heard Obi-Wan entering. It was late in the evening and the young man was grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm glad you're so pleased to find your Master having returned safely from another mission of boredom," I greeted him with a dry smile. I sensed his thoughts were elsewhere, so I gently tapped onto his mental shields to elicit some kind of response from him.

"Master, oh, I'm sorry, I knew you'd be back tonight. I should have been home earlier." He was starting to sound contrite, but I quickly raised my hand to stem his apology.

"No, it's quite alright, Padawan, I am just glad to be back here with you and the routine of the Temple," I chuckled. I took my robe off and started to fold it carefully.

"Let me, Master," he said quickly, "you look tired." He took the garment from me and folded it to perfection, so unlike his usual 'free-for-all-toss-it-in-a-corner-of-the-room' style normally employed with his gear. "Sit down, Master, I'll help you with your boots. Would you like some nice, hot spiced tea once I'm done?"

That sounded too enticing to say no to. "Obi-Wan, I would love some, thank you." I let myself sink onto the cushion of a chair and closed my eyes while Obi-Wan busied himself with my boots.

"So, how was the conference? Was the Malastarian delegation as friendly as they usually are?"

A superfluous question, to which I gave him only a slight grunt. "As always, Padawan," I massaged my temples with my fingers. "Be thankful I didn't turn this occasion into another lesson in diplomacy for you and take you with me." Even with his back to me I could easily sense his indulgent smile.

Once he had my boots off I let my feet sink onto another chair, relaxing and idly wondering what merriment had befallen my Padawan while I was away. It didn't take him long to prepare the tea and he brought over two cups, handing me one, then sitting down on the couch opposite me. It was time, I decided, to get to the bottom of Obi-Wan's almost stupendous happiness.

"So, Obi-Wan", I began, sipping my tea, "I take it your last three days were much more enjoyable than mine?"

"Master?" he asked, trying to play coy.

"Well, whose heart have we won this time around, Padawan?" I looked him in the eyes, a smile around my mouth. He shyly turned away, still smiling, but looking into his tea cup as if trying to read the future from the tea leaves on the bottom.

"Let me see ... how long has it been since your last round with a partner of either sex? Two months?"

"I believe it has been three months, Master." He looked at me and blushed a little. But underneath his bashful demeanor I detected a definitely triumphant grin.

"And after three months you're already on to someone new?" I said slightly disapprovingly. This was a conversation we'd had several times over the past few years as my Padawan seem to be intent on conquering half the temple. He easily caught my meaning, and I saw a little flash of annoyance shining through his eyes.

"Master, it's not as if I'm bed-hopping!" He looked back down at the cup still in his hands. "My last...Kath and I are good friends now. Besides," he thoughtfully continued with a slight smile on his lips, "it was through her that I got to know Lia..." His voice trailed off.

"Lia? Whose Padawan is she?" I had never heard that name before.

"She's an apprentice with the Temple's Pilot Guilt, Master. I met her three days ago at a small celebration she attended with Kath." He turned his gaze back to me. "Master, I... I feel with her something deep, something I have never felt with anyone, well, almost anyone else before." For a brief moment I felt his eyes searching mine, looking for something, as if searching for something elusive, something he wasn't quite sure was there. He quickly turned his attention back to his tea leaves. "We are... I can't explain it. It's so very unreal with her!"

I sat my cup down on the table and stood, towering over my Padawan. I drew his face into my hands and tilted his head up to face me again, running my thumbs over his cheeks in a gentle gesture.

"As long as you are aware of the hidden dangers of a..." I hesitated, "...an infatuation, I will not say or do anything to interfere with your latest romance." I now looked him sternly in the eyes. "However, should I have reason to believe that your training is suffering from it..." My voice carried just the barest touch of a warning.

"Master, I understand, I will not neglect my training," and a subtle sign of irk came over his face, "and you should know me better than this by now!"

I pulled him up into an embrace, as I had done so many times in the past, and planted a kiss on his soft, spiky hair. "I know, my Padawan, forgive your old Master for doubting you." And with a chuckle I let go of him. "And now I think we should retire. Tomorrow will be a busy day."

Obi-Wan cringed just a bit. "Oh no, not another round of patience exercises, please Master".

//Padawan. To bed. Now!// And he turned and went to his room.

Another conquest for him, I mused, already envying the new woman in my Padawan's life, the woman who had suddenly gained possession of his heart. Would this never end? I sighed and went to bed myself.

As weeks stretched to months and I saw no abating of Obi-Wan's passion for his new love intle. Yet I never actually bothered to 'meet' her; it was not my place to do so. But after Obi-Wan had carried on a continuing love affair with her for almost a year, I became more than curious about the mysterious woman who, for all intents and purposes, appeared to have tamed the wandering eye of my Padawan.

His self-discipline when it came to his lust for her was sorely tested when we were sent on a month-long mission to Okkrand X. It was a rather routine survey for property for a new Jedi Temple to be erected on that planet. But those four weeks with an antsy Padawan, who was, for all that I knew, love-struck beyond belief, that indeed was a dire test of my patience.

Our negotiations with the local people were on somewhat shaky ground, and it surely didn't help that my Padawan's attention was light years away reminiscing about the wonders of a woman's breast! I reprimanded him, scolded, admonished, lectured -- none of which helped to get him focused on our duties at hand. It was in some ways worse even, for I began to feel him growing more emotionally attached... to me.

Sometimes at night when, through our training bond and his lowered mental shields, I could feel him relieve himself, I felt not only her on his mind -- I was as well! I wondered why in all the Sith-hells he would have put me in his fantasies. As a substitute? A mere convenient alternative outlet for his desires while his real love was unavailable?

I wouldn't have it!

I disciplined Obi-Wan more than normal for his excessive masturbation, even while sending him reassurances through our training bond that such urges were normal. Any other Master would have been appalled by my decision to give in to my Padawan's lustful urges for his mate, especially since there was something that made Lia extremely compelling to him and I wasn't sure what that was. However, to be honest with myself, his behavior in this situation was totally inappropriate, I didn't know what else to do for him, or with him.

So, finally, I send him home ahead of schedule. He was of not much help to me I had to admit, and I could manage the wrap-up of our stay very well by myself. Never had I seen a more joyous face than when I told Obi-Wan to go ahead and join Lia on Coruscant. I watched him depart on the earliest transport off the planet.

I returned to the Temple early the next day, expecting Obi-Wan to be...not in our quarters. He and I had to appear before the Council that morning, and if he had forgotten about his duty to me and the Council because of his lust, I swore I would make him go through more exercises in control than any Padawan had ever imagined possible.

I reached out with the Force and was much relieved to find him and Lia in the dining hall, enjoying a good breakfast. I was sure they needed it badly, too. He was freshened up and in a very cheery mood when I arrived at his table.

"So this is where you've been hiding, Padawan," I said, standing behind Obi-wan and looking down at the two of them in an fond smile.

"Uh, yes, Master, ... we were ...uh ... just eating ... something." I looked at my Padawan in amusement.

//Indeed you were, Obi-Wan? For how many times already this morning?//

I simply couldn't resist that little taunt. I got an embarrassed grin from him and noticed the young woman blushing as well.

She was several years Obi-Wan's senior and of a quiet, yet very striking beauty. Well built with short, light brown hair. Very handsome indeed. And I immediately felt in her an irrepressible spirit that was eager to conquer what was hers to conquer. And that appeared to include my Padawan.

By now Obi-Wan was standing and about to introduce me to his table (and bed, I added ) companion.

"Thank you, Padawan, I know the apprentice through her Master. Enchanted, Pilot Jae-Mil. I've heard many good things about you." I took and kissed her hand, our eyes locked -- Oh Force, it was like a revelation to me!

There was something about her I could not quite define, a warmth where I touched her, where she touched me...Gods, I actually felt her taking possession of my mind for the briefest instant, and then it was gone again when I released her hand. I knew she wasn't sensitive to the Force, not that anybody knew of at least. But, oh yes, she was special, very much so.

She continued to make sure I knew how much Obi-Wan praised me when he was together with her, something I found somewhat hard to believe, and I shot my Padawan a critical look. We were a bit late for our meeting with the Council already, so I excused him and myself from her presence. As we were about to leave I heard her calling after us.

"I was wondering if I could have the two of you over for dinner tomorrow night? If you are free, that is..."

I felt Obi-Wan's panic next to me. Why was he so agitated about a simple, if unusual, invitation like this one? His reaction got my attention and I thought to play along. Stopping in my tracks, I turned to face her again.

"We would be delighted," I said smiling at her to my own amazement. A dinner invitation from my Padawan's lover, what were her motives? I decided to ask point-blank. "But what brought this about, Apprentice?"

"Lia, please call me Lia", she replied and I could sense she was working hard to come up with an explanation for her rather spontaneous request. "Well, think of all the points I will score with the Padawans for having two of the most gorgeous Jedi at my table at the same time!" She laughed, and I couldn't help but join her.

"Far be it for me to deny a young lady such a request," I answered honestly. 'When shall we be there? And," almost as an afterthought I added, "shall we alert the media?" She and I shared another laugh, one that wasn't quite so whole-heartedly shared by Obi-Wan I noticed.

We agreed upon the eighth hour for our dinner and I readied myself to leave for the Council. I felt Obi-Wan's reluctance on the 'appropriateness' of the invitation, but our business couldn't wait any longer and I shot a quick glance to my Padawan.

"Padawan, if you've recovered ..." He bowed slightly and I moved to the exit of the dining hall.

He finally caught up with me in front of the lift to the Council chamber. "Padawan, your shields?" I murmured, then while he struggled to contain himself, added, "it is advisable for you keep better control of your emotions for the time being." He nodded and I felt the turmoil within him slowly subside.

I wasn't sure why he was so agitated about the dinner invitation, and I tried a tentative probe along our link, but his mental guard was already up and in place. Good, no place for that with the Council I thought. Later we would have time to discuss what was going on between him and her -- and me!

Another meeting done; another clash over policies and the Code with Mace; another very disgruntled looking Padawan looking admonishingly at his Master.

At long last we found ourselves back in our quarters. "Why is it that you and Master Windu almost always get into a free-for-all about some aspect of the Code?" an exasperated Obi-Wan asked, following me into our living room, tossing the datapads he was carrying onto the table. He then got himself out of his robe and dropped into one of the chairs.

"It wasn't a free-for-all, as you put it, Padawan. Yes, he and I do see certain aspects of it from differing points of view. You can't always go by the rules, Obi-Wan, not if you have a firm grasp on and a deep understanding of the living Force. It took me a long time to learn how to trust my instincts, and they hardly ever have led me astray. Even though Yoda might tell you otherwise."

"Following your instincts to the point of having Master Yoda bang you and Master Windu over the head with his gimmer stick to prevent the two of you from going at each other?" Obi-Wan didn't even attempt to suppress a chuckle.

"Don't become insolent, Padawan!" I cautioned. "You still have much to learn, especially when it comes to the Code. Trusting it blindly it can become as dangerous as not following it at all."

Speaking of instincts... I was slightly surprised that Obi-Wan hadn't already readied himself to rush off to see Lia, even forsaking our dinner together.

Instead, he remained silent and pensive throughout the evening, deeply lost in thought. I doubted the Council meeting could be still on his mind. Reaching out through our bond I could feel it had everything to do with Lia's invitation to dinner the next evening. I eyed him carefully while we ate, pouring us both a glass of fine Tarkelian wine, in the hope that would loosen him up a bit, make him relax. But it was to no avail.

We continued to make small talk and he eventually drew me back to the debate from the Council proceedings. His tactics were clear: "let's discuss anything but me." I couldn't help laughing at Obi-Wan's quite accurate imitation of some of the more fractious members of the council.

Eventually, I managed to still my laughter, and then, I looked my Padawan straight into his face. "Obi-wan, I have noticed -- all evening your mind is on definitely other things than what went on in the Council today."

I laid my hand on his, and felt him tremble! A reaction I had not expected, so I started to withdraw it, but he caught my hand, hugged it to his cheek for a long second or two, and without any further explanation let it go again. "Master, I'm all right," he shot a somewhat crooked grin at me. "I am looking forward to tomorrow night when we will spend an evening with Lia. Don't you look forward to it as well?" Of course I did, and I told him so. Yet the look into his eyes told a different tale.

//Obi-Wan, you want to tell me something? What is it? My Padawan, please tell me!// Instead of a response I felt his shields slam down hard against my gentle prodding.

"Master, I think it will be best if I get to bed now. The day has been quite exhaustive for me." And he looked at me in that strange fashion again -- lovingly, caring, almost as if wanting me to believe there was something in him that indeed reciprocated the love and need I felt for him -- and in another instant, he was my "old" Obi-wan again. "And a long day it has been for you, too, Master, so if you don't get a good night's sleep I will pound the Sith out of you, old man, during our sparing exercises tomorrow."

He instantly turned on his heel, laughing, before I could even react or admonish him. "We shall see tomorrow, you will not like what you've just wished for, Padawan!" I called after him as he closed his bedroom door.

I would put him through hell, I swore, for this impertinence of his, I thought with a smile. But I also knew I needed to seek council with the one person who possibly could sort out this confusing situation with me.

I awoke early the next morning. Through most of the night I had sensed Obi-Wan meditating, trying to center himself from whatever turmoil was going on inside him. I wasn't sure about much any longer, except that the feelings I had for my Padawan were coming more and more into focus because of his intense relationship with the young pilot. I left our quarters well before Obi-Wan was awake, leaving him a notepad reminding him of our training session later in the afternoon.

I needed to find my old Master regarding my situation with my Padawan. I finally found him in the Temple gardens in his favorite spot, secluded and still, where we would not be disturbed. He beckoned me to lay into the grass and close my eyes, while he climbed onto my stomach. Small as he is, he weighs quite a bit underneath all those robes! I let myself focus on the Force, let it take me, envelop me, center me, feeling Master Yoda there with me -- just as he had been for all those years when I was his apprentice. At last I summoned the courage to ask what I was afraid of asking.

"Master, can your love for someone change?"

It wasn't the best phrased question, but I knew he knew what I meant. I'm not sure how long I had been lying in the grass, with my old Master perched on my stomach, but when I finally found the courage to speak, he hopped off and gently brushed his hand against my temple.

"Feelings for someone in particular, you speak of?"

I sighed and nodded.

"Someone who is dear to you, yes?"

I knew he was waiting for me to admit my feelings for Obi-Wan, but I wasn't ready to give in that easily. "Yes, my Master."

"Changed, those feelings for that person have?"

Again, I sighed and nodded.

"Told him this, you have not."

"No."

"Why?"

As I often had in the past, I released the urge to kick my Master into the Force. How is it that he always seemed to be able to ask the most difficult and embarrassing questions with such ease? Not looking at him directly, I murmured, "I don't suppose you'd accept 'because' as an answer?"

"No. Accept that I would not." Yoda's voice took on that subtle harshness he seemed to keep in reserve only for his insolent former Padawan.

Rolling over to my side, I propped myself up on one elbow. "Master, if my feelings were clearer; if my feelings weren't for my Padawan, I would not have sought you out on this matter."

His eyelids and ears drooping, Yoda sat and stared at me with one of his patented inscrutable looks. Obi-Wan thinks I developed that look... no, I got it from my Master. Finally, he spoke.

"How feel you about your Padawan, Qui-Gon?"

Again, I closed my eyes. This time, I looked inside myself trying to put to words the chaotic feelings inside me. "He is, and always has been precious to me. But now, my feelings are changing, or have changed... I don't know. I now look at him less as a Padawan and more as a man, a man for whom I feel love, romantic feelings I can no longer suppress. Yet, at the same time, he is deeply involved with one of his peers, a young woman I think highly of. Master, I don't know what to do."

"Tell him you must about how you feel, honest with him you must be. Destroy what you have you will if you don't!"

I sighed deeply, of course he was right, and yet...

"Qui-Gon Jinn, a very long time my best student you have been. Follow your instincts you must, my Padawan, that is what I tell you. Obi-Wan, what goes on in him, know I do not, but you I do. You are strong with the living Force, use it! Your instincts, guide you they will. Trust them you must!"

He put his hand onto my forehead one more time. "Yes, strong your bond is with him ... and another." He abruptly left off, I wasn't sure why, but his demeanor told me our discussion was over for the time being.

"No longer from your duties to your Padawan I will keep you. A training session you have with him, hmm?" Yes. I had almost forgotten. I stood up and deeply bowed to my Master.

"Thin you are, big lug, invite you to share some food I should soon!" he perked his ears and his voice carried a teasing, loving tone. How much he could still surprise me, I had never really noticed that warm, gentle side of his that was well hidden underneath his tight mental control and his great seriousness.

"Yes, Master Yoda, I would love that." With another bow I walked off to the gymnasium to meet my Padawan. I recalled his antics from last evening, and by the Gods was he in for it!

I was still pondering my Master's advice when I arrived at the gym slightly ahead of schedule, only to see Obi-Wan already in full training mode, engaging in more demanding katas than were necessary for a mere warm-up. Unnoticed, I watched from the entrance, saw him moving from one kata to the next, showing slight imbalances, but managing fine otherwise. I don't recall how long I just stood there, observing -- not my student, but the beautiful young man he had become. His body fluidly moved from one stance to the other, moving like a graceful feline.

"Obi-Wan," I finally called and abruptly he stopped. "Don't wear yourself out yet, Padawan." For a moment our eyes were fixed on one another, then he bowed slightly in my direction and went to get his towel. I took off my robe and followed him to the bench where he had left his in a heap. Folding mine neatly, I shook my head in amusement, neatness was definitely not one of his strengths. I sat down on the bench, putting my robe next to his, and motioned for him to sit beside me. He approached reluctantly, as if he were distracted.

At last I put my hand on his arm, trying to give him some reassurance through our bond. "Padawan... Obi-Wan, I know you haven't been at peace with yourself since our trip to Okkrand. I know something's bothering you, I felt you meditating almost the entire night." He avoided my eyes and that just made it worse for me. "Damn it, Obi-Wan, what is wrong with you?" I was at a loss what to say to him, what to do. My free hand brushed over his head in a loving gesture, but he again turned his head away from me. "Padawan, please, what is it?"

"Master..." he said hesitantly, and I let go of my physical contact with him. His eyes met mine finally, and they mirrored the conflict he was fighting within himself as he fumbled with the towel in his hand. Finally, he went on.

"Master, may I ask you a... a personal question?" Of course he could, he knew that, why all this trepidation all of a sudden? "I've been seeing Lia for almost a year now," a new record I noted with some cynicism, "and yet she won't... she won't commit to..."

"To an exclusive relationship with you?" I was surprised, and to my dismay, relieved, at the same time.

"Master, I believe I am falling in love with her." he continued with a deep sigh.

I cringed inside!

I always had known that eventually he would say these words aloud about somebody, I just had come to hope that somebody would be me. I wasn't a fool, it had to happen someday, and now I was sitting with my hands tied. I hadn't dared talk about my feelings for him until he was a Knight, wouldn't let him know about the depths of my own desire for him until... it was always 'until'! Well, it definitely wasn't 'now.'

He was waiting for me to speak. "Obi-Wan, I am happy for you." They hurt, those words, but what else could I say? "She is young, she has a career to focus on, just as you do. Trust in the Force, it will guide you to choose the right path if you listen carefully."

"So..." I began, then was at a loss. What do you say to someone you love who has confessed love for someone else? I caressed his cheek with my thumb, as I so often had done in the past, and as I feared I could never do again. Then I withdrew from him, almost resigned to let things rest as they may. I looked at him for a long time, feeling his confusion through our bond.

"Padawan, you know I'll always be there for you. I promise you'll always be able to come to me with your problems." I stood up and made him rise with me. Taking his hands into mine I drew him closer, into a tight embrace, resting my chin onto his head. He didn't move as I gently pulled his head closer to my shoulder. I kissed his hair and we stood like that for a good minute before I moved away from him. "Well," I said trying to appear as unperturbed as usual, "failing all else, let me at least be of help in getting yourself too tired to care, Padawan," and with that I threw him a training staff to commence our exercises.

Apparently the way he choose to deal with his problem was to beat himself half to death with workouts, and at that moment I felt more than obliged to give my apprentice just that. Yoda's words dissipated into thin air, 'confess' to my love now? After my Padawan had just made it clear to me just where his thoughts were? No, that chance was gone.

The katas he had done up to this point didn't seem to have come near wearng him out yet, so I pressed on. First with staff exercises, then the saber and more katas. Eventually I began to notice that his mind was definitely not on the workout, his concentration was flimsy and he slipped several times.

Perhaps, I wondered, some Ta'i Ch'i sequences would help him find his focus again. We both were fairly sweaty by that time and I urged him to get rid of his tunic as I did of mine, which he followed with some reluctance. It was so unlike him, we had seen each other more or less naked ever since I took him as my apprentice, so I chalked it up to his preoccupation with our dinner invitation that evening.

In fact, I had the faint sensation of her presence with us, but didn't pay any further attention to it. At the time I surmised it must have been my Padawan's thoughts of her briefly crossing over through our bond, and I adjusted my shields to prevent further interruptions of my own concentration.

Soon enough I decided to switch paces again, wanting to observe Obi-Wan in some of the more demanding staff exercises which I had seen him execute to my full satisfaction just days before. Abruptly, he stumbled, a wave of unease washing over him. He came down wrong and twisted his ankle. An annoyed hiss escaped his throat.

"Padawan," I admonished him, "you must concentrate if you want to finish this exercise with sufficient precision!" This couldn't all be due to that dinner invitation from Lia, what was going on in him? I took a step towards him to close the space between us.

"What is it, Obi-Wan?" I asked. Still slightly out of breath from the work we had done up to this point, he leaned his slender body onto the training staff. A strange look greeted me, one of utter frustration. I knew it must have irked him not to be able to perform the Kata in perfect form. He has always been such a perfectionist, always striving to do his best.

But before I could open my mouth he took the initiative.

"Master..." I heard the reluctance in his voice; damn his pride, I thought. "Could you please demonstrate that last move again? I seem to have difficulties with the staff positioning."

My surprise must have shown on my face as I looked at him. Normally I could talk him through the most difficult of movements without even thinking of having to demonstrate. I reminded myself quickly, though, that teaching by reprimand never results in any lessons learned, and that guidance and patience were much better tools.

"Very well, Obi-Wan, come to me and we'll go through the Kata together."

He walked over and I positioned myself closely behind him. His back leaned into my chest, I held his arms from the back while he held the training staff in his hands, and we began the exercise from the beginning.

Oh Gods, how good it felt to have his skin touch mine, how my hands longed to roam over his arms, his chest, his entire body. I clamped down my shields on our bond just before I thought I could make out a similar feeling...coming from him! No, Force, it was impossible, he loved Lia; I was his Master, it couldn't ...

I lost my concentration for a brief second, and we both began to lose focus on the steps required for the Kata we were practicing.

"Master, please, enough for today. I'm just too..."

"Preoccupied? I've noticed, my Padawan," I think we both are right now, I added to myself, and I gave him a gentle smile. Lest he detect my own distraction, I offered what was, in hindsight, a very self-serving answer to his failing concentration. "Seems all the thoughts you have left right now dwell with that young woman and the dinner we'll have with her tonight." My scolding was more mocking than serious, frankly I should have scolded myself for my own vagrant thoughts that threatened to overcome me.

"You're right, Master, my thoughts were not on the exercise. I hope you will forgive your poor, inept student." Never had I heard him sound so dejected, so full of self-doubt as during that moment. I wouldn't have any of this miserable display of misplaced self-pity!

I took him by his shoulders and turned him towards me. His eyes... I flinched just a bit, they seemed to hold a truth I didn't dare to even contemplate. That, and a look of shame and humiliation, failure on being my student.

How could my Obi-Wan ever fail me?

Somehow the teacher in me took over, not admonishing him, but trying to soothe whatever it was that gnawed on him.

"Padawan, you have never been an inept pupil. Impatient? Yes. Headstrong and stubborn? More often than I could wish for. But never," and I took his face into my hand, "do you hear me, Obi-Wan, never inept!" I hoped to have driven my point home into the young man in front of me.

And then... he reached up with one hand, drew my face closer to his and kissed me, almost touching my lips! I was startled, amazed, absolutely astonished by his behavior. Immediately I withdrew and, albeit somewhat reluctantly, took a step back from him, my eyes never leaving his... and I thought I saw a little of the old mirth in them that I so loved about Obi-Wan. As surprised as I was, I longed for an encore.

One more time, Obi-Wan, please, let me know this was not just a whim, I thought to myself. But apparently that one time had taken all the courage he could muster for this day.

"Thank you, Qui-Gon," -- how rarely he called me by my name, how much I loved the sound of him saying it -- "thank you for all the care you have shown me through all these years," he said, his voice thick with emotions I never really had recognized before. "I know I'll never be able to repay you for your kindness and love." He smiled a broad smile at me, and I responded in kind.

"Oh, I believe I will be able to think of some sort of payment for my services to you, Obi-Wan," I smiled. "Training you has been my pleasure, it always has."

And I do love you, Padawan, I almost whispered that last sentence aloud, but caught it in time, and carefully re-erected barriers around my mind again. No need to further complicate the situation now... or perhaps ever, I thought. What a love-sick fool I was becoming, and how I loathed myself for it.

I quickly recovered and walked over to the bench, throwing his towel and tunic at him while I grabbed mine. "But right now we'd better be getting ready for our dinner with your friend Lia, shall we?"

"Yes, Master, that would be wise," he smirked a bit and we left the gym for the showers.

Dinner at Lia's was delicious. She made us a flavorful meal that I'm sure my Padawan didn't even taste as it vanished down his gullet. I had forgotten how tiny Apprentice quarters were, just three rooms including the 'fresher, but she had managed to make them comfortable and welcome.

During the course of the evening, I noticed occasionally that Obi-Wan was less than happy over the attention Lia paid to me, or perhaps it was the attention I was paying to her, or even both. I couldn't tell. I confess I was drawn to her for some mysterious reason, and several times caught myself leaning towards her, in a manner wholly inappropriate for the situation.

After dinner we continued to sit at her table, genially arguing over who would do dishes, finishing the last of the ale -- and I could feel building for her inside me. To that end, I gently broke the quiet between us.

"You two are good for each other, you know," I said, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.

She smiled as she dried and put away another plate. "Yeah, I guess so. He's a great guy, Master Jinn."

"How many times do I have to ask you to call me Qui-Gon?" I laughingly admonished her. "And I am very proud of him, as you know."

"Sorry. Qui-Gon. I'll remember," she laughed in reply.

"You'd better. But let's not change the subject. The two of you compliment one another quite well. And I know you've been seeing each other for some time now..."

She turned and leaned against the counter, shooting me a humorous glance. "I get the distinct impression that I'm being interrogated on my intentions towards your Padawan."

I had to chuckle at that. "Well...perhaps a little. You see, I know he's an adult, he's perfectly capable of making his own decisions in life." I hesitated. "And yet, remember, he's my Padawan and I still worry about him. Please forgive an old Master his foibles," and I saw her grin in reply.

"Oh, I understand, Qui-Gon. Really I do." I could see she was searching for the right words to use as she leaned against the counter, her arms crossed, one hand holding a damp towel. "Obi and I..." She sighed. I took that as my cue to help her out.

"You two are lovers, Lia, I'm well aware of that," I said, meaning to put her at ease. "I'm just concerned... do you know where you are going with this relationship?"

Well, that galvanized her. "Don't you think he's a bit young for a relationship... a serious relationship anyway?" she said firmly. "And anyway, I know I'm not ready... and we've discussed and agreed on that point in the past. We both have a long way to go in our chosen fields. And I certainly do not want to be in Obi-Wan's way when it comes to his training. I respect him -- and you -- too much for that."

"I didn't mean to pry, Lia. I hope you understand it's merely concern speaking here." I handed her a wet glass to dry. "You are a wonderful person, and I know you've done wonders for my Padawan." I smiled at her sincerely. "I'm sure the happiness I've seen in him over the past few months is due in large measure to you."

As I spoke, she was in the midst of reaching for a high cabinet door, probably to put away the glass she held in her hand. Wanting to be helpful, I reached to take the glass from her ...our hands touched, our eyes met ... and by the Force, there it was again. That strange feeling between us, that attraction I couldn't shake for the world. Not here, not now! I came close to panicking -- what a laugh that, Master Jinn panicking -- and having put the glass away I turned away and quickly left, to avoid any more complications.

Obi-Wan didn't return that evening. By morning, I had word from the infirmary that the child he had gone to see had infected him with Melegarian Flu. I'd had that many years before... it wasn't dangerous as long as the patient stayed down and quiet, something I could hardly see my Padawan doing without coercion or duct tape. Before I could leave to go see him, I received a call from the Council with a new mission, and was forced to tell them of Obi-Wan's condition. The mission was critical but not dangerous; and of a nature I could easily undertake myself.

Then, I was informed that Pilot Jae-Mil would meet me at platform 6B in six hours time. Perhaps I was wrong about undertaking the mission alone... with her.

After preparing for the mission, I paid a short visit to Obi-Wan to tell him about it and to assure him everything would be fine. I also brought him some reading material for his enforced bedrest. Shortly thereafter, I was on my way to platform 6B for my trip.

She was late. Dammit. When she finally arrived, almost half-hour after the appointed time, she tried to make a joke about it. I was already feeling the strain of knowing I would be alone with her for several days, and her making light of the situation didn't sit well with me. I fear I was a bit stern with her. But when she asked about Obi-Wan's whereabouts, I could see the distress in her eyes and felt bad about my earlier reaction. I laid a hand on her shoulder, trying to reassure her that Obi-Wan would be fine... it felt so good to touch her again, even though I knew I shouldn't. "He will be fine, Lia," I said, comfortingly. Then we turned and boarded the shuttle.

While she cleared Coruscant traffic, I inspected our cargo for the last time. The shuttle was small, three cabins, one of them taken up with the needed medical supplies for New Coruscant. I couldn't face talking with Lia again, so I took one of the other cabins for my own and immersed myself in mediation and exercise. She must have wondered why I was hiding, but at that point, my control relied on us being apart.

By the end of the evening, I realized I could no longer avoid her entirely. So I sought her out and found her in the cockpit. We briefly spoke... the tension between us was as thick as plasteel. Ever since I had met her in the dining hall with Obi-Wan, there were unspoken feelings for her in me. I felt it when I touched her the first time, holding her hand, kissing it. I felt it when we were alone after the dinner in her apartment, this slight spark between us that wouldn't go away.

I felt it now, standing in the entrance to the cockpit: warmth for her radiating from me, being picked up by her -- through some kind of connection with her. Not as between lovers but more than between friends. I couldn't lay my finger on it. Finally I wished her good night and retreated to my cabin -- so desolate, so lonely. I never knew I could feel that way for anyone, except Obi-Wan. I might have felt that way for him, but I knew he had a kind of bond with Lia, so what was I thinking? How could I feel so much for a person that wasn't destined to be mine? Why was the person I felt the most for not destined to feel the same for me? Why couldn't Obi-Wan sense that I loved him? My questions chased their tails around in my head, totally confusing me.

The rest of the night I meditated on my knees, searching for answers. I just knew -- I had to stay away from Lia, then all would be well. Just stay away, she is Obi-Wan's, you seek somebody else.

We tip-toed around one another the following day, her making polite comments, me showing open pride in her craftmanship when one of the power couplings needed to be repaired.

Eventually, our caution wore us out, and we found ourselves in the cockpit of the shuttle. We both were emotionally exhausted, and I tried my best to keep her spirits up with an anecdote or two about Obi-Wan. I remembered how well it worked the other night at her quarters.

Yes, it worked again this time around, but it wasn't about to penetrate the thick atmosphere of want and desire that seemed to emanate not only from me -- I was deeply afraid she felt the same way. It took all my mental controls to remain the calm, unperturbed Jedi Master I was so used to portraying around others. Eventually we resigned to sitting silently in our seats in the cockpit, Lia occasionally checking controls of the shuttle, while I attempted to maintain some inner calm by meditation. I half-closed my eyes, draping my robe over me as a blanket. Slowly I began to feel the Force engulfing me, entering me, soothing...

I hadn't any time to react. Lia stood abruptly to leave the cabin, I turned towards her, concerned over the turmoil I felt in her and took her hand. With no warning, she was on my lap taking my face into her hands, kissing me! I had feared something like that would happen eventually, and I had let my guard slip badly. Before I knew what was happening she began to explore my mouth with her tongue, her urgency conveyed by hands busy trying to find entrance to my tunic.

I pulled away and looked into her eyes... two precious jewels that told of want, of need, for me. It couldn't be, I could not let it happen -- if only for Obi-Wan's sake. How I longed for this woman, but not under these circumstances. I turned my face away, trying to discourage her from future explorations. "What are you doing, Lia?" I asked roughly, incredulously, knowing perfectly well what her answer would be.

"Don't you feel it Qui?" she murmured sensuously, her voice sending thrills through me. "Just like the other evening. I feel so close to you, and I know you feel the same for me. Let's give in and live what we feel, oh, my Master..."

No! No, I could not! Even if I felt the same, she was Obi-Wan's lover, how dare I come between them, move so, violate the trust of Obi-Wan in me. No. I could not. Then why were my hands pulling her closer to me?

"Lia, I do like you, and whatever goes on with you and my Padawan is your business, but..."

She put a hand over my mouth to silence me. Oh how I wanted to kiss, lick that hand, and much more of her. No, it could not be. Not now, not ever. I summoned all my control and moved her from my lap, settling her straight on her feet before me. I looked into her deep brown eyes, and a profound, yet simultaneously sad realization struck me. I loved this woman.

"Lia, I... I don't know why or how, but..." again I paused for a few minutes, trying to compose myself. "Lia, I think I am falling in love with you." I wished it could be that simple; it was not. "But you are seeing Obi-Wan. He is my Padawan, he trusts me, and I would never knowingly do anything that would hurt him. And I don't believe you would either."

She looked at me with a stunned gaze. "Of course I wouldn't," she murmured, and turned as if to get some distance from me. However, something inside me, between us, wouldn't let her move away. I embraced her tightly, felt her shivering -- I wasn't sure whether it was from embarrassment or sheer physical contact with me -- I held her as close as I could, trying to comfort her shattered composure.

"Lia, I wish circumstances were different, things were different..." she didn't reciprocate my embrace, and I wasn't surprised. I tried to let her down as gently as I could, despite my better knowledge of how I actually felt.

Eventually, I left her alone in the cockpit, trying to find solace in my cabin. Obi-Wan, my dear beloved Padawan. I couldn't betray his trust, I couldn't betray my love for him, yet at the same time I felt such an incredible strong bond with Lia. Physical, yes. But also spiritual -- I was at a loss how to explain it. I tried to find sleep as well as I could. The next day was our arrival at New Coruscant and I needed to be rested and at my best to meet with the local dignitaries.

I spent the bulk of the day playing representative from the Senate and Jedi Council. New Coruscant was still very much a frontier world with need for administrative and bureaucratic help. They were so very grateful for my presence that I actually felt bad about wanting nothing more than to leave as soon as possible. Jedi Masters are not entitled to personal feelings, wants, needs; and so I stayed with them as long I had to.

Eventually, Lia and I met up in the colorful marketplace. She had been shopping, and showed me the rock she bought for my Padawan. That whole 'force sensitive rock' joke was getting completely out of hand and I swore I eventually would put a stop to it! However, it inspired me to buy something for her too... a lovely necklace of a blue-green native stone, nothing fancy, but just something to make up for my avoiding her so assiduously.

We ended up eating a light dinner and drinking a local wine, sitting on a bench in the park. This time, we talked easily...whether from the influence of the wine or our relief at being away from our enforced closeness on the shuttle. I felt my hand drifting towards hers, and eventually coming to rest on it. I leaned forward; my intention was an innocent kiss on her cheek, but she moved at the same time and our lips met.

We froze. My heart started to race, and I felt the same in her. We were trembling in reaction, and I wanted nothing more than to deepen the kiss, wanting it to last, to feel right, to taste every inch of her...

Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) we were interrupted by a child and her ball. Lia wrenched herself away from me, downing the rest of her wine in one gulp. I also turned away, wrapping myself in my cloak to protect her from the impulses it seemed I was unable to control.

Fine. If I couldn't control them, then perhaps I should give into them. I took her hand firmly in mine, and noting the time, suggested we return to the shuttle. We rose and moved back to the port and our transport; I did not release her hand. A part of me thought I would never release it again.

But of course I did. Once we gained the relative safety of the shuttle, I let go of her hand and she practically ran to the cockpit. It didn't take someone Force sensitive to discern her turmoil. I couldn't help but follow her; I stood in the doorway and watched her run the pre-flight routine. Obviously, she was focusing herself on her job in an attempt to avoid the unavoidable. Eventually, she turned to me in the doorway and we simply stared at one another for a moment.

"Lia, this needs to be resolved, and we need to do it now," I said with more conviction than I felt. My desire was swiftly overtaking me and I was afraid I knew exactly where it would lead. She stood. Reflexively, we moved towards each other until we were nearly touching. She reached up to my face and caressed me with her fingertips.

"It's too late, Qui," she whispered. I took her hand in mine, and kissed her fingertips.

"Yes," I murmured back. "I know." Despite my doubts, my surrender to her was as complete as her surrender to me. We made love; at first there on the cold deckplates of the cockpit with only my robe as blanket, then moved to her cabin. Our shared orgasm nearly split us in two, the release was indescribable, especially so for having been put off so long. I had never felt such passion, such contentment...I dozed off and when I awoke, she was not there.

I found her huddled in the pilot's chair, staring at the starscape. She looked absolutely forlorn and beautiful; I knelt at her feet and put my head on her lap in a gesture of comfort. I heard her say above me, "we've made a mistake, haven't we?"

What did I feel? Was it a mistake? Had it been, I was convinced the Force would have given me a sign. The only answer I had was 'yes'... it was right, we were right, yet at the same time all I could see was Obi-Wan's face and all I could feel was the anguish in her heart. I looked up to see tears slipping down her face, the sight almost brought me to tears myself. I stood then sat on the co-pilot's chair, pulling her to my lap, soothing her with my closeness.

I reassured her of my sense of the Force guiding us. "If this was meant to be, Lia, then it was meant to be. We will see this through. Somehow." Slowly her sobs subsided. "If it is your wish, what just happened need never happen again."

Her head moved firmly against my neck. "No, Qui," she said. "I need you, like plants need rain. And you need me." She pulled back to look me in the eyes...and once again, we were lost in our desires. I stood and carried her back to the cabin.

The rest of the trip we were insatiable. Our almost purely physical desire led us to use any space, any surface, any available opportunity to make love to one another. As we neared Coruscant I felt I knew her body, her mind almost as well as I did my own. Just before we landed we lay on her bunk in a tight embrace, caused partially by our realization that we would have to separate soon. I let my fingers run through her silky hair -- short, for low maintenance, she always says -- while she laid her head on my chest. Finally she looked up at me.

"What are we going to do, Qui?" she asked quietly, and I swallowed.

"I don't pretend to be wise, Lia," I finally said, tracing her dear face with my fingertip. "In fact, I've often told Obi-Wan..." with that, I trailed off, realizing there was the pain. After a minute, I was able to continue. "Neither of us wants to hurt him. But I fear that's what's going to happen regardless."

Reluctantly she pulled away from me and stood. I watched her glorious body move away from me, towards the door to the tiny fresher. "He's going to have to know, isn't he?" she asked, quietly.

"Yes." Even to me, my voice sounded harsh. I stood and moved towards her. I could see her and me in the mirrored door leading to the fresher, and felt the ache in my heart at the anguish on her face. "Do you want to stop seeing him?'

"No! Gods, no," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. I folded my own arms on top of hers, hugging her tightly, kissing her neck and drinking in her scent.

"We'll think of something, love," I said finally, and our eyes met in the mirror. She had to close her eyes against the lust I'm sure she saw in mine, but it had been mirrored in her own. I touched her face gently, and her eyes reopened.

Her hands and arms were still clenched tightly around her waist; I gently loosened them and cradled her right one in mine. I brought her fingers to my mouth to kiss and lick, and she leaned her head against my shoulder and moaned. Then, using her own hand, I swept down her torso, stopping at her breasts to roll a nipple and finally at her mound. She watched me manipulate her hand, breathless and getting more so, as I used her fingers to tease her cleft.

With my left hand I took hers, brought it to her breast to pinch and roll her nipples while our right fingers continued teasing her clit. Her knees were trembling and her butt ground into my erection, and I felt the heat and juices flowing from her. I held her up with the Force and my own body, now rubbing her firmly and bringing her ruthlessly to completion.

She moaned my name and her head fell to the side, giving me access to her neck. I dragged my tongue along the side of her neck to her earlobe, as I reached behind the teasing fingers to thrust my middle finger into her. That did it; she screamed hoarsely and staggered back against me, her thighs clenching in the throes of her passion. I couldn't wait another second. With my left hand I reached out and snagged the small chair from the built-in desk, and bent her over the back while I thrust into her.

Both of us knew it might be the last time and this made our coupling all the sweeter and more intense. She sobbed my name as her orgasm overtook her again, and her sopping wetness drove me to distraction, again, still, as I drove deeply into her over and over, using her name as my mantra in passion.

That morning we arrived on Coruscant.

With a last look at Lia, as she turned away to make her way to her quarters, I set out on my own long journey back home. I could tell Obi-Wan was home, apparently all over his illness. Well, at least he was all right, if the same could not be said about me. My shields were at maximum, I couldn't allow anybody, least of all Obi-Wan, to pick up anything that was raging inside my mind. As I stood in front of our door, sensing my Padawan inside, I began to panic. What in the name of the Gods was I going to tell him? How could I possibly hide the guilt almost eating me alive from the inside? I gathered myself and centered my mind in the Force, then entered our rooms.

Obi-Wan was sitting the sofa, reading. All I do recall from that evening is that I hardly said a word to him. I touched his cheek, he was felling well to the touch, and I gave him a small, weak smile. "You look very well, Obi-Wan," was all I could bring myself to say before I retreated into my room, shutting the door tightly. He must have read my body language as he didn't make any attempt to follow me into my room, or even to speak. I honestly hoped I had fooled him, that he chalked up my brusqueness to my being simply exhausted from the trip and he just wanted to give me some peace and quiet.

I dropped my bag, sat on the bed and put my face into my hands. What had I done, how in the world could I live with myself and with Obi-wan as my Padawan without a serious falling out between the two of us. The rest of the night I tried to meditate, to dissipate my pangs of conscience into the Force, tried to calm myself, tried...tried to get away from a confrontation I knew was inevitable. Sooner or later Obi-Wan would find out that Lia and I had shared more than just a mission. Inevitable, so inevitable!

I made sure I was up early the next morning and out of our quarters before I knew Obi-Wan would be awake. I had a full day ahead of me, a prospect that, for the first time in my life, sounded like the sweetest thing to me. It gave me opportunity to avoid my Padawan.

After some exercise in one of the lesser used Temple gardens, I had my mission debriefing with the Council, and then a quick lunch I grabbed from the dining hall. I only briefly returned to our quarters, late in the afternoon knowing that Obi-Wan wouldn't be in because of an appointment. It was there that Knight Bo'Narr reached me via comm. She wished to meet with me regarding some classes she needed a substitute teacher for. I was only too glad to oblige, and we met in one of the gardens.

"I'm very thankful to you, Master Jinn, that you can substitute my class in Devonaran poetry on such a short notice," she said with a genuine expression of relief on her face.

She was of the younger Knights of the Temple and only had passed her trials a few months ago. Her specialty was economics and so it was a bit counterproductive, I thought, for the curriculum office to assign someone like her to teach a poetry class. To anybody else it might have appeared that she only wanted to find an 'easy-way-out' of an unpleasant duty set before her, but I knew her -- and her master -- better than that. If she asked me to substitute, I was sure there had to be a good reason for it.

"There is no problem, Bo'Narr, I would rather welcome a change in pace myself. It has been a while since I had the pleasure of indulging myself in poetry of any kind." Indeed, I held a great love for literature of many of the worlds my Padawan and I had visited during our missions. I just had too blasted little time to sit down and study some of the more recent texts.

"I shall leave my notes for class with you, then, and if you have any questions regarding the contents for the next couple of lectures I..."

It was then that we were quite rudely interrupted by none other than Obi-Wan. His shields were at a minimum and he radiated anger and pain as he stalked across the grass towards us. I didn't look up to him, he had better keep himself under control or he would have Sith to pay for it.

"Master, I need to speak with you... NOW!" His voice left no doubt in the urgency of his demand, yet as he could plainly see it was not the right place nor time for him to display such uncalled-for behavior.

"Obi-Wan?" I said, only shooting a glance at him from the corner of my eye. Bo'Narr was starting to become visibly uncomfortable in my Padawan's presence. "As you can well see I am busy with Knight Bo'Narr. Your timing isn't the best today, is it?" I didn't meant to egg him on, yet I was furious over his obvious lack of social protocol.

"Master, I need to..." he started but I cut him short.

"You need? As you can clearly see I'm in a conversation right now, so you will wait your turn until I'm finished here! You are excused, Padawan!"

I couldn't help but let my misgivings about Obi-Wan's lack of decorum tinge my voice with a very sharp edge. I hoped that would be enough for him to back down and give him a bit time to cool off. I didn't want to have this dangerous situation escalate any further. Behind him, trying to fade into the background I could see a sobbing Lia standing, and I knew perfectly well what my Padawan wanted from me. However, I was still his Master, and I was determined not to let him force my hand in this matter. I just didn't know how desperate and how far beyond reprimands Obi-Wan was at the time.

"Qui-Gon," he snarled, and at his use of my name, rather than my title, I completely snapped. I leapt to my feet, towering over him.

"That is QUITE ENOUGH, Padawan!" I must have roared, for I saw him flinch. "Whatever it is you wish to discuss with me..."

To my shame, I had almost forgotten Knight Bo'Narr. Apparently, she had enough of our little scene, standing and nearly stuttering in her haste to leave. "Master Jinn, I think I better be going. I-I have some duties to attend to." Trying to make amends, I took her hand and kissed it -- and was suddenly awash in a surge of rage -- from Lia! I was unable to examine this, however, since Obi-Wan was pacing like a caged animal before me. Knight Bo'Narr made a hasty retreat, and once again I was overcome with shame.

I have never been so icily furious at Obi-Wan in all our years together. Never had the dark side seemed so close to me as in that moment. "Padawan, what is so pressing on your mind that you had the audacity to disturb my conversation in such a manner?"

He stopped pacing at least, but his words did nothing to calm me. "You slept with her! You took advantage of her -- of me!"

"Is that so? She told you then?" I looked sadly over his shoulder at Lia.

"She didn't have to tell me, Master, I could feel you in her mind. Why?"

What could I say? His words deflated me, the anger drained out of me, and I forced myself to meet his eyes. We stood frozen for a moment, and I could see how my tacit admission hurt him. I couldn't trust myself to speak more, not in public. "We are taking this inside. Now." I strode inside, with him hot at my heels.

The moment Obi-Wan and I arrived at our quarters I closed the door and locked it shut. I knew Lia would be following, trying to mediate between us, but this was not her place right now.

Obi-Wan had dropped all shreds of self-control; never had I seen him that consumed with emotions as during that evening. It was high time I reminded him of his place with regard to me. The young man in front of me fought for, yet badly lost, control, and mine was at the breaking point. His confronting me in the presence of Bo'Narr had been more than enough to test my composure and I had felt it further slipping away. I was furious at Obi-Wan's behavior, yet at the same time I knew that in truth, the fault was all mine.

I looked at him pacing up and down the same stretch of carpet, repressing words, shutting down the bond that existed between us, the bond that already had grown to be much more than just a training bond between a Master and a Padawan. I watched him struggling to hold back bitter words and comments I knew rested just on the tip of his tongue.

"Padawan, you have a grievance with me?" I tried to be as calm as I possibly could given the circumstances, trying to opening up a dialogue with him -- a dialogue I already knew was too far out of reach by now.

What Obi-Wan returned was indescribable anger, almost hatred, and this new surge of emotions from him simply started to overwhelm me. Coming from him, of all the people I loved most.

"You know only too well what you did, Qui-Gon." His voice was loud, not deferent as it usually was when addressing me. "You took Lia knowing she is together with me!" He stopped pacingcontrol? By the Force, my Master who hammers control into me at every opportunity and then you tell me you simply lost it?" By now he had taken another step closer towards me and stared me in the face. His voice was a snarl and his pain felt sharper than a serpent's tooth in my soul.

"How could you DO such a thing?" He had lost all emotional restraint as I was rapidly losing mine as well.

"I am not subject to your rules, Padawan! It is not your place to tell me what I can and cannot do!" I had raised my voice considerably, to my dismay.

"My rules?" He paused, incredulous. "MY rules? What about the rules of common decency? What about a Master not screwing around with his Padawan's girlfriend?" He turned away sharply, stepped a pace away and then again turned to face me. "What kind of Master are you anyway?"

To this day I regret what was next coming out of my mouth. "Probably the kind of Master that should never have taken you as my Padawan in the first place!" I snarled at him. I turned away, immediately cursing my lack of control, my failure to reign in my feelings and actions, but Obi-Wan's words had stung too harshly not to say what I had said.

By the Gods, I loved him, how could I ever wish not having chosen him!

I heard Obi-Wan resume pacing up and down behind me, readying himself for another verbal attack. I tried to brace myself, knowing where his anger was coming from, knowing that I was the cause for his painful anguish. Yet I hadn't prepared for what he was saying next.

"Well, perhaps you shouldn't have taken me then! Perhaps I should just go to the Council with this little indiscretion then, and request a new Master, someone better than YOU!"

I was in shock to hear these words from my Padawan, words shaped by anger, bitterness, and I knew he was being dead serious about them. I stopped his pacing by putting my hands onto his shoulders, grabbing for words to pacify, to soothe him. "Obi-Wan, please, you must..."

Yet again he would not let me finish as he wrenched himself out of my grip and stared at me with a ferocity I would only imagine seeing in a Sith. "You flaming BASTARD!"

I back-handed him!

It was almost an instinctual movement, but that doesn't excuse it. My hand landed hard on his cheek and I felt him wince. Rarely had he shown pain from any injury, but that assault from me was enough for him to do so now. Immediately I withdrew my hand, stepping back from him, seeing the horrified look on Obi-Wan's face. Desperately I tried to reach out to him through our bond, wanting to heal the wound I had so cruelly inflicted upon his mind, but instead I found only emptiness.

And then -- he broke down, letting go of his mental guards, giving me a look that made me wither. His hurt, confusion, pain -- all of it lay bare in front of me, even those things he might not have wanted me to know. I could feel his desire, his desperate love for me! But how could he, when in his mind, I had betrayed him?

"How could you do this to me?" I heard his quiet, trembling voice, laced with disbelief and shock.

Obi-Wan had steadily stepped back from me, no doubt for fear I would strike out at him again. Of course I wouldn't have. I looked at the hand that had hit him, trying to hold it steady -- but I couldn't! I trembled all over, until finally I just had to sit down, and the floor was the nearest, if only least dignified, place that was available. I looked up at Obi-Wan, I remember, with a look of bewilderment, of guilt, of utter loss.

"Obi-Wan, please, I am so sorry..." I put my face into my hands, trying to regain some measure of control. I had just utterly destroyed the two things I held dearest in my life: my Padawan and his implicit trust in me! I looked up at Obi-Wan again, only to be met by his fiery, scathing glare.

"You want another Padawan? Go ahead, look for one! I doubt you'll find someone who will allow you to screw his lover behind his back." And he turned away from me. "You are such a ..." He didn't need to say it, and he never did. He simply stormed out of our quarters, leaving me alone in my abyss.

Obi-Wan had been gone from our quarters for more than two hours, and I was at a loss what to do. I tried to meditate, to find my center with the Force again, and eventually I became calmer, but no less anguished. How could I explain the bond that had been building not just between him and me, or him and Lia, but also between her and me? How in the world could I attempt to explain something to my Padawan that even I didn't fully understand?

But it felt so right! The three of us together, it was right! Why couldn't Obi-Wan feel it? I remained on my meditation mat, trying to gather the Force once more, trying to find peace and the strength I knew I would need to face him and Lia again. I had to do something to make things right, to explain to them, to make them see all was as it should be.

I realized for the first time how much both of them meant to me, how much I loved Lia and how much I loved my Padawan, not only as a teacher and friend, but in all ways. How I must have hurt him, perhaps even to the point of losing him. At that moment the gravity of my actions against my Padawan became crystal clear, and, putting my hands over my eyes, I let the Force take me where it would -- I cried.

I wasn't sure how long it was before Obi-Wan returned to our quarters and found me in this dejected state. I had lost total track of time, and only knew it was evening due to the darkness in our quarters. He approached and stood over me, not saying a word, just staring, then finally sank to his knees before me. I could read nothing behind his tight shields.

"Master?" he said, and I heard bitterness in his voice. "Why are you sitting there sobbing like a child?" I felt new tears slip down my face at his words. I could not look into his eyes, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Any luck in procuring a new Master yet, Padawan?" I asked, my own hurt talking. I turned my head away, partly to hide my own anguish, but also to avoid the eyes that were boring into me.

He responded in a quiet voice, no longer tinged with anger, but rather with deep sadness. "Why did you never tell me, Master?" His voice was almost pleading but I didn't understand his meaning.

I steadied my voice, swallowing hard against my tears. "Tell you what, Padawan?" I asked softly. "That I have feelings for Lia? That I wasn't sure about what we would do when we were alone together? What, Obi-Wan?" I managed at last to face him. He was looking out of the window watching the evening sky. He looked forlorn, and extremely fragile all of a sudden.

He didn't answer, so I continued. "I am so sorry, Obi-Wan, about the pain I have caused you, but what Lia and I did was not wrong, and I will not make excuses. And..." I felt my eyes starting to fill up with tears again. I couldn't control them; I didn't want to. "Obi-Wan, you are my Padawan, and..." Oh, it was hard, but I managed to choke out the next few words, it was necessary that he know, that I admit it, once and for all. "I love you." I fell silent and met his disbelieving gaze.

"I love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi." I sat back on my heels, putting my arms into the sleeve of my robe and bowing my head. "But if it is another Master that you want, I will not stand in your way. If you require..."

Hard and unceremoniously, he reached out and grabbed me. "What did you just say?" There was an incredulity in his voice that made me shudder. "You love me? Did I really hear what I think I just did? I thought you were incapable of such an emotion as far as I was concerned!" His eyes searched mine and his mouth contorted. "What do YOU know what I require? How is it that my wishes concern you now?" He turned away from me again and stared out of the window, trying to control his anguish, angrily dashing tears away with the back of his hand. "All those years, when we were close, when we were alone, when you cradled me in your arms after an injury... Why didn't you ever say anything to me about how you feel?"

I followed his gaze and looked out the window. I wasn't the Master any longer, nor he the apprentice. We were two human beings trying to get a handle on our mutual love. But what answer could I possibly give him that wouldn't just sound like a cheap excuse?

"How could I, Obi-Wan? Those years I saw you grow into a man, I couldn't have touched you, what would you have thought of me?" Hurt started to creep into my voice, hurt about an unspoken accusation that now I think wasn't even there to begin with. "And then, when you came of age, I saw the parade of your lovers -- fellow Padawans, all young, all your equals. How could I, your old Master, compete with them? And now...you have a strong bond with Lia." A sigh escaped my throat, a sigh of frustration, of suppressed emotions I had carried with me for so long and finally could give a voice. "I wanted to wait to talk to you about how I felt until you were a Jedi Knight. We would be on equal footing. I didn't want to violate the Code..."

At that, Obi-wan exploded in my face.

"The CODE? You dare talk to me about the Code? After what you have done?" Again, he threw his accusation against me. I didn't seem to have gotten through to him at all and I began to silently accept my defeat. It seemed I had lost him, the only apprentice I had ever wanted.

"Padawan, I cannot right the apparent wrong I have done to you, but I also cannot and will not deny the feelings I have for you -- and for Lia." Once more I felt tears rushing to my face. I was barely able to maintain control of myself and it was making me sick. "If it is your wish, I shall go to the council tomorrow and request a severing of our training bond so that you will be free to take a new Master." I turned away from him then, burying my face in my hands in a futile attempt to stifle the inevitable sob I felt building up inside me, helpless to suppress it any longer.

After a long silence, his voice came from next to me, quiet, sad, and almost as tearful as mine. "Master... Qui-Gon, I don't need a new Master, I already have one -- a very good one. I'm sorry, Qui-Gon -- so sorry for the things I've said tonight. I didn't mean them; I was letting my anger and pain..."

I felt him touch my shoulder, trying to make me face him once again. But when he spoke, it was not with words. //Qui-Gon I love you! I love you with all my heart. I have for so long, but I was afraid, just as you were. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me? // My head snapped up and I looked him in his eyes, eyes that were now overcome with pain and love. What kind of bond was this? It wasn't our training bond, it went deeper, and it was incomplete.

//Obi-Wan?// I asked, using that strange bond, and I heard him respond almost joyously. I reached out my arms and he came into them, holding me tightly, and I leaned my chin against his head, closed my eyes and let my tears run onto his hair.

//YES, Qui-Gon, my dear Master, things are now as they should be, out in the open. I am here, I would not leave you for anyone, I love you, I love you! // We leaned together like that for a while before he straightened and spoke again aloud. "I love you, Master, Qui-Gon, I love you. Please believe me."

"We seem to be very efficient in playing cat and mouse with our feelings, Obi-Wan." My voice sounded harsh even to my ears.

"Yes, Master, I learned from the best." he said sadly.

//I love you, Master! I love you with all my heart, Qui-Gon!// I heard him in my mind as clearer than ever.

//But Lia...// I dared think no further.

He took my hands. "She is in a bond with the two of us. We all are part of one bond, Master. You would not have reacted the way you did had it not been for your deep feelings for me. I realize that now." Obi-Wan lowered his voice and moved closer to my ear. "I love you, Qui-Gon Jinn! And I know you love Lia as much as I do, and as much as you love me. We have something not many people have, something unique, something special."

"A bond between the three of us. Yes, I felt it as well, but didn't understand it." I looked into Obi-Wan's eyes, so beautiful. I reached to his face with one hand and slightly brushed his cheek, as I had done so many times before. "I don't know how it's possible, but I love you, my Padawan!"

He laughed, not yet wholeheartedly, but the sound was like music to my ears. "I didn't understand either, but Master Yoda helped me to see."

"Yoda! You went to Master Yoda?" I hesitantly asked, not letting my eyes stray from him as I felt the presence of my former Master in his mind.

Obi-Wan looked away from me for a moment, and sheepishly he looked around the room, seeming not sure what or how to answer. "Yes, Master, but it was..." he collected his breath, "...it was him finding me rather than the other way around."

I wasn't the least surprised -- my old Master sensing something was terribly wrong between his old student and his Padawan. Nosy little twerp! No, no, I instantly regretted even thinking such an ungrateful thing. And then I listened to Obi-Wan telling me how Master Yoda found him in the gardens; how he immediately seemed to know where the problem lay. How Obi-Wan finally came to believe in the unbelievable and concurred with my Master's assessment. Well, who could argue with a 900 year old wise guy!

He reached up to touch my cheek. "Qui-Gon, I love you! I have for ever - ever since you took me as yours to train, ever since I became a young man, ever since..." Ever since! I remember hearing that phrase in my mind over and over again, never before spoken aloud, yet constantly present.

I could see the longing for me in the young man's eyes, and I was sure he was aware of mine for him. Surrendering to the truth that was right there between us, I drew his chin closer to my face, bent down to find his luscious lips and kissed him passionately. Like I always had dreamt of doing, ever since...!

"Obi-Wan," I whispered, pulling back gently, "I ... we should not rush things! I know I have hurt you terribly, I don't want you to feel just used by ..."I stopped, choking on my words.

"Used by you? Just as you still believe you used Lia?" Obi-Wan interrupted, echoing the shame I still felt in "betraying" him. He looked at me sadly, trying to find a way to dispel my worries, to let me know things were right once more between the two...no, the three of us.

"Master, please, I understand the situation now. I know you never used Lia, nor will you ever use me, or I you!" He sighed, leaning his head on my shoulder. I felt his hand again reaching for my face, drying away the remaining tears on my skin. I closed my eyes and opened myself up to my Padawan again.

"Don't be ashamed or afraid, Master. And Lia understands, or she will understand, and she loves us both." The gentleness in Obi-Wan's voice almost made me forget what had happened between us just a few hours ago. A shudder ran through my body as another kiss from my Padawan landed on my neck, nuzzling it, caressing the sensitive skin with his tongue. My head fell instinctively backward. I fought for control and felt it slip away bit by bit. I was quickly losing myself in his loving embrace.

But this couldn't be happening. Not after all that had occurred. "Obi-Wan, oh Force, why are you doing this to me?" I managed, groaning, almost unable to form a coherent sentence. "Padawan, what are you doing?" I started to withdraw from his kisses, just as I had when Lia had become the focus of my desire. I looked at Obi-Wan and all I could see was a young man, burning up with the same desire for me that I had for him.

Obi-Wan leaned into my embrace and kiss, his tongue searching and finding entrance to my mouth as quickly and demanding as mine entered his. For many minutes we stood in this silent, intimate union that joined us together.

Finally, I broke the kiss, again looking into his eyes -- I wanted him to say it, "Let me make love to you, Master!" I needed for him to take the initiative and take the next step.

He must have picked up my thoughts then, and his reply made me smile. //Master, wouldn't the bedroom be more appropriate?//

//Yes, my Padawan, it would be more... comfortable.//

I let him take my hand and lead me into his bedroom. Once there, he gave me another deep, passionate kiss and I though I was reluctant to part from his embrace, he was insistent with me. Standing before me he slowly began to remove my belt and sash, opening my tunic and stripping it away from my chest. His hands, so warm, soft, eager and hungry for the touch so long denied to them, began to explore my skin, feathery touches at first, soon becoming firmer, possessive, harder to resist. His palms brushed over my nipples and we stood facing each other, and in reflex I moved my hands to undo Obi-Wan's belt.

"No, Qui-Gon, not yet! Let me have my fun with you first," he commanded and I obeyed -- I was his to use, now and forever. I closed my eyes and sighed, feeling the pleasure rising in me. His hungry mouth started nibbling on my neck and gradually, in slow, torturous movements went down over my bare chest, finding the bud of my nipples and sucking them like nothing I had ever experienced before. Not that Obi-Wan was the first man to take possession of my body, but he was, and to this day is, the only one I truly, unquestionably love with the depth of my whole heart!

Now his tongue flicked over my nipples until they were erect and large, just like the erection I felt in my trousers at that moment. My hands laid resting on his head, my fingers raking through his spiky, soft hair, toying with his ridiculous little pony tail. My skin tightened as his tongue traced the outline of my abdominal muscles as he knelt in front of me. "Obi-Wan," I moaned softly, pushing his head closer to the upper edge of my trousers, close to my hardening cock.

He didn't need any more encouragement, but to my surprise he stood up again, and for a moment I feared he had decided that "rushing it" was indeed uncalled for. "No, Obi-Wan, please don't stop now!" I almost begged.

"I won't, Master," he murmured in reply.

"No, call me by my name, please... I love it when you say my name!" It was true -- so few were the times when he had called me Qui-Gon instead of my title in the past, and now certainly was not the time to continue this practice. Not now, nor ever again, when we were together like this.

He started pulling my pants down to my knees and then maneuvered me back against the bed. I lowered myself down and laid on my back, feet dangling over its edge.

//Relax, Qui-Gon, lift your hips for me, please// I did and with one smooth motion my pants were down to below my knees, around the top of my boots I was still wearing.

"You are so beautiful, Qui-Gon Jinn, when you're aroused like that!" Obi-Wan made me blush, oh by the Force, it felt good to be at the center of his attention.

He laid next to me onto the bed, lightly stroking the skin of my chest, my arms and sides, while he gifted me with another passionate kiss which I eagerly returned. Tongue touched tongue, I sucked his into my mouth, which he mimicked by his own sucking. In time his mouth left my lips, hands stroking almost lazily all up and down my torso, down to my groin, playing with the curls that surround my manhood, but deliberately avoiding the flesh that so ached for his touch. He was slowing driving me mad. His mouth was at my ear now, and his tongue snaked its way in and out, in and out. "Oh Padawan ..." I began to babble incoherently again.

//Be still, Qui-Gon// and again I obeyed.

His mouth began to trace a slick path down my neck, my throat, my collar bone, resuming it's path down my chest while his hands caressed the outside of my thighs, running his fingers delicately along their whole length, eventually turning their attention to the inside of my legs, stroking them firmly, exploring every square inch of skin.

"I think ... I should remove my ... trousers and boots," I propped myself up a bit, barely being able to stammer as the excitement induce by Obi-Wan had taken a firm hold on me.

"No, Master, I think you should not!" I was lying there in front of him, helpless, what else could I do but to follow his wishes? I let myself fall back onto the bed, letting happen what may.

Feeling my rising frustrations, Obi-Wan put one hand onto my lips, tracing them with his fingers, me kissing every single one of them. "Don't worry, my love, it will be soon, very soon, that I'll do the honors to you!"

'My love!' The sound of that phrase danced in my mind and I felt fulfillment, and sheer happiness I had seldom felt before with anybody. It had been there to some extent with Lia, but not as I felt it right then with Obi-Wan. Completeness, 'oneness.' My hands were laying alongside my body; I closed my eyes, waiting, anticipating my Padawan's next move.

And then, at last, he decided I had waited long enough for him. He slid half-way down the length of my prone body, found my straining cock and gently started to let his tongue dance all over it. Never before, not even with Lia, was anticipation of the final end so intense as it was with my Obi-Wan! His tongue traveled the length of my shaft all the way to the base, circling around it and up on the underside it moved again. I lay there breathless. Oh Gods, what should I do -- I didn't know, I didn't care. My moaning became louder, one hand grasping Obi-Wan's hair, his proud braid, clenching it tightly while I was in the grips of my ever mounting pleasure from his ministrations.

"Obi-Wan!" I cried out; he continued mercilessly -- until suddenly stopping! No, Force no, not now! "Nooo, Pad..."

"Hush, Qui-Gon, hold on just a bit longer..." His voice was reassuring, but my mind was shrouded in a fog of excitement and sheer lust.

He removed his mouth from my by now very hard member, and he slid down a bit further, until he found my scrotum. He began to lick my testicles and almost drove me over the edge. I went wild; control was not a thing on my mind right now, but he would not let me come just yet. One hand firmly grabbed the base of my cock, effectively preventing my ejaculation, while his other one stroked my balls, simultaneous to his mouth sucking them, coating them in his saliva, until they were wet and smooth. Oh, what a wonderful feeling, but nothing compared to his next move.

His hand left my balls and he reached for my mouth. I eagerly sucked the fingers wet with his spit, re-coating them with mine. "Do you want to come now, my love?" he asked teasingly.

"Oh yes, Obi-Wan, yes, please, I want to, please let me come!" I begged, but not much begging was necessary now.

In an instant his mouth was on my cock again, now sucking instead of just licking the hot flesh and the tight muscles around it. I began thrusting myself urgently into his mouth and he swallowed my cock whole. Oh what gorgeous sensation, I kept thrusting my hips faster, and he kept up with my rhythm with his mouth on my penis. And when he finally released the base of it from his firm grip... my body started to shake uncontrollably, my hands clenched the sheets of the bed, and I came into his mouth, roaring his name, louder than I had ever imagined I would. Our bond was wide open, he shared my orgasm, and I felt his own pleasure in driving me over the edge, feeling an echo of when Lia had released my lust and my need in a similar fashion.

Some of my seed I felt spilling onto my stomach, the rest Obi-Wan swallowed, and in the end I was one with him. How long had I longed for that! After several minutes I managed to compose myself again, and I looked into his eyes as he lay next to me, propped up on an elbow, looking down on me. Desire and need stared me right into my face, and I knew I needed him to come for me as well. I had received, now I wished to give back.

"Come closer, Obi-Wan" and without any protest my Padawan leaned down to my face so I could reach it, and kiss him. Still slightly out of breath I pulled him even closer, my voice husky from my ecstasy. "I want you to join with me, my Padawan -- do you want that, Obi-Wan?"

"Yes," and I saw his eyes gleam with eagerness, "I would like that very much." His lips once again firmly pressed to mine, demanding my mouth to open for his explorations. I tasted myself in his mouth, that sweet, salty fluid.

I broke our embrace only long enough to finally remove my boots and trousers entirely. Then, I slowly started to undress my lover. I unbelted and unsashed him, carefully taking first one arm, then his other from his tunic, freeing his already hard member from his trousers, ridding him of the last remnants of his clothes until at last I saw Obi-Wan in his sheer naked beauty kneeling in front of me on the bed. We were both dressed only with the hungry looks that played about both our faces.

Now my hands stroked skin so long forbidden to my caress. He felt warm, silky, and I showered every inch of it, every crevice with my kisses. "I need you inside me, Obi-Wan," I whispered into one of his ears while my hand began stroking him firmly up and down along his shaft.

His breathing became more ragged, he closed his eyes and let his head tilt backwards, his body began to shudder slightly and his moans became more frequent and louder. My hand never left his cock, I was pumping him in a slow, steady pace, and very soon our bond let me know that he was barely able to hold back his orgasm.

I gave him another possessive kiss, my tongue darting in and out of his mouth, one of my hands running smoothly along his back, the other increasing it's strokes along his cock. His arms were around my neck, simply holding onto me.

I remember him whispering my name, me calling his, us being in that loving embrace. Obi-Wan was close to release, and my member had hardened again as well, to my surprise. He then took one of his hands and put it up against my mouth. I licked each one of his fingers and once I was done his hand found it's way to the entrance of my body. And, almost hesitantly, he started to insert a slick finger into my rectum.

"Yes, Obi-Wan, yes!" I moaned and he continued. I gave a sigh at the sensation of being so carefully prepared, of being invaded by his finger, which soon was joined by a second. "Padawan, I love you, so much," I groaned and sought his lips one more time for a brief kiss. I saw the smile on his face and smiled back at him.

"My love is yours, Qui-Gon, always has been, always will be," he said very quietly between ragged breaths, while his fingers continued to work their way in and out of me, massaging my prostate. Stabs of pain, instantly followed by searing pleasure came over me, washing over both of us into our bond. And at the same time I felt his pre-come seeping onto my hand and I knew we were both very close to release.

"Qui-Gon, turn over, I need to join with you, please," Obi-Wan begged but he needn't for my urge to be together with him waal muscles stretch as I was stimulated in a way I hadn't been in a very long time.

His thrusts became more and more urgent, deeper, harder. We both gasped at the sensation, our heartbeats, our breaths came faster, until finally I was overwhelmed by Obi-Wan's orgasm, feeling his seed leaking hot inside of me. His hand held my hips, almost bruising them, so tight he held onto me at that moment, and the sensation of his release made me come for a second time, right onto the bed sheets.

We both collapsed onto the bed, Obi-Wan sweaty and still panting on my back, and we remained that way for several minutes. Eventually I rolled him gently off of me and into my arms, holding him as tight as I could. "Obi-Wan, thank you for what you have given me tonight!" I smiled at him through tears, and he reciprocated with a gentle, feathery kiss onto my chin.

"This is the first of many such nights, isn't it, Qui-Gon?" he asked and I could hear the slight trepidation in his voice.

"Yes, my love," I murmured reassuringly, "just the first of many."

We lay still together for almost an hour, but eventually it was Obi-Wan who broke the peaceful silence. "Master... we need to talk to Lia this morning. She has to know, we need to let her know she did nothing wrong." He stared at the ceiling. "If anything I behaved like a drunken Bantha. I left yelling at her, wishing she would just go away. I feel so awful, Qui-Gon!"

"I know, I didn't leave her with much sympathy either. We will both have to make our amends to her, and we will -- after we have gotten some rest. Agreed?"

"Yes, Ma... Qui-Gon." I held my Padawan close to me and soon felt him falling asleep. I took my own advice and closed my eyes, wondering how in the world we would make Lia understand what was going on.

Early the next morning Obi-Wan and I went to the pilot's section of the Temple. There was no immediate answer to our ring, but luckily she had given Obi-Wan her entrance code, so we weren't forced to break in. My Padawan practically trampled over me in his rush to reach Lia who was curled up on the small sofa in her living room. She obviously hadn't gone to bed last night, and I doubt that she had gotten much sleep. She was just slumped onto that couch in a very uncomfortable manner. While Obi-Wan knelt at her head, I sat down at her feet and gently touched the robe she had covered herself with.

She awoke with a jolt, obviously startled to see Obi-Wan and me not at each other's throats. We both smiled reassuringly, first at one another, then at her. It took us a while to explain the nature of the bond the three of us were sharing. She couldn't quite comprehend it; it was difficult for her to understand her place in all of this.

"I'll leave you two, you'll never have to see me again, I don't want to come between you..." she sobbed uncontrollably. We both took her into our arms, trying to reassure her that everything was as it should be, that none of us had done anything wrong, that it was the will of the Force for us three to be together like this. And then, for the first time, she was able to hear our thoughts through the bond, feel our love for her without us speaking a word aloud.

//All is as it should be now, Lia// Obi-Wan sent her.

I encouraged her also. //We are joined, and yes, you can "hear" us in your mind //

She was still confused. I can't blame her, the enormity of what had happened to us took a while to sink in. I took her by her shoulders and looked into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Lia, Obi-Wan and I know now that we love one another, and that each of us loves you with equal intensity. We have accepted this bond, and want you to as well. We are together now, the three of us. Together!"

Exhaustion soon settled over us. Obi-Wan carried Lia to her bed and all three of us laid down together after carefully stretching my robe over the two of them. As I held my two loves tightly, I reflected on how unlikely the bond we shared was, and yet there it was, very real and feeling so right. I knew how rare a threebond was, and I also knew of the dangers. But at this moment I chose to forget about what might eventually become a problem. Instead I let the living Force flow through me, I concentrated on the here and now. The future was fluid, not even Master Yoda could foresee it. All that was important was that we were together -- at last! And in a way it's funny, but after all this time we still are.

It did take the three of us a while to come to terms with the reality of our bond, and Lia had her trials for her Master title coming up to boot. So we decided to postpone any more dramatic changes until she had cleared that hurdle. From talking to her Master I knew she was ready and very capable to finally step up to the rank of Master Pilot, yet I was concerned the bond and its ramifications might interfere with her test preparations. But, dear love that she is, I shouldn't have worried. She kept reassuring us that she was more than ready to finalize her training.

During that period Obi-Wan and I spent more of our free time with her than ever (if that was even possible for my Padawan), and eventually she passed with flying colors and was proclaimed Master Pilot Lia Jae-Mil. A very proud day for her, a very proud day for us! I don't remember if we ever had a wilder night together than that particular evening. And then she moved in with Obi-Wan and me -- and here we are. Strange, isn't it? After all this time, nothing has changed between us, not our caring, not our devotion towards one another...and that is something quite rare and precious.

Mace:

I was astounded at the similarities between the three tales. How they found each other, how they grew together, how vital that bond had become in all three of their lives. As he finished, my friend sighed. I didn't want to disturb him, knowing from the small smile on his face that he was treasuring thoughts about their past, some I was sure were too intimate to share even with me. But I had what I needed from him, so I leaned forward and placed one hand on his shoulder.

"Well, that quite nicely confirms for me what Lia and Obi-Wan had to say about your bond." Qui-Gon looked startled. "They've not told you I had asked them about it?"

"No, there hasn't been time between my return and you insisting on this nice 'relaxing' dinner." He frowned and his voice took on a dismayed tone. "Say, Mace, how much have they told you?"

"Enough that I now know that the three of you have a very special bond with one another, just as Master Yoda sensed when he talked to your Padawan." And I added, in a lower voice, "both of them were very discrete in what they actually told me."

A slight smile of relief and wry humor formed around Qui-Gon's mouth. "Oh, yes, I know they would never commit an indiscretion like bragging about their "conquests" or things like that."

"Qui-Gon, they did not!" I said firmly. This felt like the right time to broach the delicate subject of the bonding. "Which actually brings me to another point I wish to address with you if I may." He nodded silent, curious approval. "First, let me say I mentioned this to both Lia and Obi-Wan. The three of you have been together for almost three years now. Have you ever thought about undergoing the Bonding Ceremony with them?"

Abruptly, Qui-Gon stood and started to pace. "No, I have not, certainly not, Mace!" he paused in his pacing and looked down on me. "We... I know they would for sure not want this to be made public. It's... it's a private matter between the three of us!" He resumed pacing, so I stood also, stopping him by putting my hand on his shoulder.

"I know you are a very private man, Qui-Gon Jinn, that's something the three of you have very much in common." And I also knew what else he was thinking at that moment. "I can feel your concern about this... There have only been four previous incidents of a formal Life Bond Ceremony being performed between three Jedi in Temple history."

"Lia is NOT a Jedi, Mace, and you know it." He exploded into my face, but as suddenly as his emotions surfaced, he had them under control again. "Something like our bond has been recorded too, hasn't it?" His question was hesitant, and I sensed great trepidation in his voice. He knew the answer, just needed me to verify his fears.

"Yes, Qui-Gon, there had been one such bond involving two Jedi and someone outside the order, a long time ago, lasting for almost 11 years."

"What happened to them, Mace, tell me; what ended their bond?"

"You know it as well as I do. Damn it, Qui-Gon, is that why you are so hesitant in the first place? It happened such a long time ago!"

The look in his eyes left no doubt in my mind. Yes, he was afraid what had happened to the other threebond could happen to the two people he loved most. I didn't have to say it aloud. After eleven years in a committed bond with one another, one of the partners had died unexpectedly -- and that event had torn the remaining two to pieces. One committed suicide using the Force to assist him. The other? Nobody really knows for certain.

"Once one of us is gone, the remaining two will not endure very long. Isn't that true, Mace?"

More a statement than a question I was at a loss as to what to tell him. "That is one possibility, Qui, but there is so little we can go on with this. Trust your instincts! I just know the formal bonding is right for you, Obi-Wan and Lia!" Again I heard a sigh from him, this time almost in resignation, considering the words I had just spoken to him.

"All right, Mace, I will consider it... and I do thank you for your concern over the three of us. I will talk to them, then we'll decide our best course."

"Always, Qui-Gon! As you wish, old friend," and for a last time I firmly squeezed his shoulder.

He bowed slightly to me and then left me alone in my quarters, no doubt debating whether it had been a wise choice on his part to confide something so private in me, as had the others done.