It's the Thought that Counts

by Kathye (dubghall@aol.com) & Sar (bardless@yahoo.com)

Archive: MA, others ask

Category: Humor, romance, filk-kinda

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: This is a fic with filkly tendencies. You have been warned.

Spoilers: None

Summary: Qui celebrates a religious festival by giving Obi gifts. Twelve in fact.

Notes: Yet another Not-Exactly-Christmas story. This fic mentions some items that have appeared in other MA stories. Credit is given at the end. If you've been missed or mis-credited, let me know and I'll fix it. Also, apologies to anyone who speaks Chinese. I like to play with foreign words when coming up with names for things. And, many thanks to Ange, for ghost-writing Day 11.

Disclaim, disclaim, disclaim, disclaim.

Obi-Wan eyed the brightly coloured box warily.

"What's this, master?"

"It's a present, Obi-Wan."

"I can see that, but why are you giving it to me?"

"Today begins the season of Shengdan here on Bu'diqiu. For twelve days, friends and family give each other gifts to commemorate the twelve days their holy Mother was in labour with the founder of their religion."

Obi-Wan smirked. "Twelve days? Do they give each other birth control items?"

"Just open the box, Padawan."

On the first day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

"...a rock? Master, you must expand your gift-giving repertoire. You've given me rocks for every special occasion for the past eight years."

He stood and began to rant while pacing through the room.

"Do you have any idea how vast my collection is? I give tours of it to the younger padawans. The Coruscant Geological Society wants to borrow it for an exhibit. I'm about to exceed the weight limit for my room."

Qui-Gon frowned slightly. "I thought you liked them..."

The younger man stopped and looked into his lover's eyes, then wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly and resting his cheek against Qui-Gon's chest.

"I'm sorry. It's beautiful, and I'll treasure it forever. Thank you, Master."

They held each other, enjoying being close, until...

"Qui-Gon?" The word was mumbled into his chest.

"Yes?"

"You aren't planning on giving me rocks for the rest of the twelve days, are you?"

"Umm....of course not."

"Good, because I really do have multitudes of rocks."

On the second day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

"Oh, lovely, master," Obi-Wan said as he pulled a pair of black leather gloves from their box.

"Glad you like them -- your hands have been developing calluses that some portions of my anatomy aren't appreciating."

"You want me to wear these during lightsaber practice?"

"Actually, I thought you might wear them tonight." Qui-Gon leered at his apprentice. "Just them."

Obi-Wan slid the gloves on and flexed his hands reflectively.

"They do need to be broken in..."

On the third day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

"Lightsaber crystals? That's not very romantic."

"Not all gifts must be romantic, Obi-Wan. Besides, you needed new spares after you fried your lightsaber. Again."

"That wasn't my fault! You pushed me into the pond!"

"One must be ready for an attack at any time, young padawan."

"You used the Force to tangle the straps of my boots together! I find it highly unlikely that an actual enemy would do that!"

"An 'actual enemy' would do far worse than that. You have to learn how to fight back, even if restrained."

The apprentice sighed. "Yes, Master. I will go and repair my 'saber now." He placed the crystals on their makeshift workbench and went to get his damaged weapon.

Qui-Gon got a faraway look in his eyes.

"Hmmm ... restraints."

On the fourth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

"Ooooooh. Now, these are nice. And they're padded too."

"Well, I don't want any injured wrists and ankles."

Obi-Wan tossed the manacles from hand to hand. "I can't wait to try them out. Just imagine me, securely fastened with these to that huge bed they've given us, spread-eagle and unable to resist your every whim."

Qui-Gon hesitated. "Actually, Obi-Wan, I thought that perhaps tonight I might be the captured Jedi, and you could be the evil Sith Lord."

A slow, impish smile crossed Obi-Wan's face and he arched an eyebrow.

"I could wear the gloves."

"Now you're getting the idea."

On the fifth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

Obi-Wan regarded the package in his hands suspiciously. "I'm not sure I want to open any more of your presents. Yesterday's gift didn't turn out like I thought it would."

"You're just upset because the captured Jedi executed a brilliant escape plan and then tied the Sith lord down."

Obi-Wan grumbled as he opened the box. He glanced up, astonished.

"You've never given me jewelry before. Now you give me five pieces at once?"

"They were having a sale."

Obi-Wan snorted and picked up the golden rings, examining each one.

"All right, these two are earrings and I think these are nipple rings, but I don't know what this one is for."

He looked at the largest ring, resting in the palm of his hand. "It's too large for my fingers and it's too small to be a bracelet." Engraved letters caught the light, and he read them aloud.

"'Property of Qui-Gon Jinn'? I'm not sure if I should be touched or very, very afraid..."

Holding the ring between his thumb and index finger, he considered its diameter.

"Actually, it's about the size of my..." His eyes opened wide and a blush blazed across his face.

"Is that what you were doing with the tape measure last night?"

"Well, it had to be properly sized. We wouldn't want to cut off circulation."

"I'm never letting you tie me down again!"

"Oh, really?"

Qui-Gon advanced on his student, a dangerous look on his face. Obi-Wan slowly backed away, then turned and ran ... into the bedroom. The master Jedi picked up the restraints and the fifth ring and followed him.

On the sixth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me..."

"I don't see a package."

"What I'm giving you won't fit in a box."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "You're not that large, Master."

"Be serious, Padawan. Today I'm giving you six mind-puzzles to meditate on." He gracefully sank to the floor, kneeling, and gestured for his apprentice to sit across from him.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Obi-Wan muttered. He reluctantly got up from his chair and stood in front of Qui-Gon. "What kind of gift is mind-puzzles? This sounds suspiciously like training," he teased.

His master regarded him impassively. "I am gifting you with my knowledge and my insight. Is that not valuable?"

Obi-Wan quickly knelt before the other man, bowing his head in embarrassment. "And I am grateful. Every day."

Qui-Gon waited until his apprentice had centered himself, then began.

    "What first lies in bed,
     Then stands in bed;
          First white,
          Then red;
     The plumper it gets
     The more I like to nibble it."

The only sound to be heard in the room was the stammering coming from the apprentice.

"M...Ma...Master!"

"What's wrong, Obi-Wan? Too difficult for you?"

"No. I just can't say..."

"Of course, you can. Tell me what you think the answer is."

He took a deep breath, looked directly into his master's eyes and said with all the confidence he could muster, "A penis."

Qui-Gon shook his head and smiled. "No, a xing-yu berry." The master demonstrated by picking up one of the bright red berries that were conveniently placed on a nearby table and slowly eating it. A small trickle of juice spilled over his lip and he leisurely licked it away. His smile widened as he saw his padawan flush and swallow convulsively.

"Perhaps you'll do better on this one:

"I am strong with a fiery reed point, but I die shuddering in release. Behind me is the man who brought me to this desperate state."

Obi-Wan's eyes opened wide. "I can't believe that you're teaching me dirty riddles! What would Master Yoda say?"

"Who do you think I learned them from? Now, stop stalling and answer."

The younger Jedi looked down at his hands, shrugged, and said, "A ... penis."

"Is that going to be your answer for everything?" The master sighed. "It's a flaming arrow." He leaned forward and placed his hands on his apprentice's thighs.

"Padawan you can not let a question rattle you, just because it is sexually suggestive. You must learn to see beyond the obvious. Don't let this organ, " he cupped Obi-Wan's crotch, "outsmart this organ," he patted his padawan's head and ruffled the short hair.

Irritated, Obi-Wan scowled and knocked the hand away.

"Just give me the next one."

Qui-Gon chucked softly. "I part the fur, I thrust in something warm."

Obi-Wan concentrated intensely. Fifteen minutes passed, and still he was silent. He jumped up and started pacing through the room. A glimpse of black leather caught his eye and he picked it up and threw it at his master, laughing.

"Ha! It's 'putting your hand into a fur-lined glove'!"

"Very good." He tossed the glove back. "Now you only have three left. Can you guess this one?

"What is it that fits against your belly and is wet when it is in, dry when it is out, and makes you sweat when you work it?"

Obi-Wan groaned and slumped into a chair. It was going to be a long night.

On the seventh day of Shengdan, my master gave to me..."

"Such a big box! Now this is a present." Obi-Wan carelessly tore away the wrappings.

"And inside we have ... tunics. Regulation Jedi tunics. Seven regulation Jedi tunics. And such a lovely shade of beige. How did you ever know that was my favourite colour?"

"Don't be sarcastic. You needed more."

"And why is it that I need new tunics?"

Qui-Gon looked slightly embarrassed. "Well, your tunics keep getting ripped."

"The tunics 'get' ripped? As if it's the tunics' fault. They just spontaneously tear themselves off my body. Sometimes I don't know why I bother getting dressed in the morning."

"Because you don't want Master Yoda ogling your nude body?"

Obi-Wan gave a shudder. "There is that." He shook a finger at his master. "But it's still very irritating to have to constantly be repairing my clothes. You have no idea." He indulged in a little pout. "And besides, I never get to do it to you."

"Well, if you look closer, you will see that some of these tunics are in my size."

Obi-Wan considered that, then smiled broadly. "That could be very useful when playing 'captured Jedi'."

"You could wear the gloves."

"It's ideas like that that keep me in love with you."

On the eighth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me..."

"Tea? How very ... proper of you."

"Smell it, do you recognize it?"

Obi-Wan inhaled deeply, then felt his jaw drop in surprise.

"Wavala? How did you ever afford this?"

"I have my sources."

"Probably illegal ones that you won't tell me about so I won't have to lie to the Council if asked. Sometimes, I think you were a Sith Lord in a previous life."

"Only in your dreams, Padawan. Drink."

"So very commanding. Yes, my master, I hear and obey," Obi-Wan said as he downed his cup of tea. "Is it true that wavala increases stamina and sensitivity?"

"I hope so. There's a very interesting trick with a rope that I'd like to try."

On the ninth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me..."

Obi-Wan held the small vials up to the light.

"I give up. What are they for."

"They contain oil. To aid in sexual intercourse."

The apprentice grimaced. "Must you be so technical? 'Sexual intercourse'? Now I feel like I'm back in the HST class." He put the vials back into their box. "But, seriously, we have tubes and tubes of lube. What is the use of these small containers?"

"They can be discretely carried in our utility pouches."

Obi-Wan snickered. "Of course! A perfect addition to our emergency supplies. Food capsules, medical supplies, aquata breather and sex aids."

"Don't laugh. Do you remember the problem we had at the customs station on Romesount 3?"

The snickering stopped. "I remember that we were held there for three hours while they searched our baggage. I remember the lecture we got from the Prime Minister, about how we were planning on violating the current planet-wide period of celibacy. I remember trying to convince them that the lube was actually for cleaning our lightsabers." He smiled wryly. "I don't think the concept of the 'dignified Jedi' will ever be restored there."

"And do you remember the two months of celibacy we went through, because they were watching us so closely? And the additional two months the Council imposed on us, in punishment?"

"Your point is well taken. And I could use it to oil the gloves, if they need it."

"Don't get started on the gloves."

On the tenth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me..."

"This is delicious! What did you call it again?"

"It's called chocolate. A rarity in this part of the galaxy."

"And you've also got Qualla berries. Why?"

"They just seemed to go together."

"You've got so much food here! Mmmm...this syrup is delicious. What do you have for it to go on?"

Obi-Wan got a lust filled look in return.

He backed away from his master. "Uh-uh! I'm still sticky from the last time!" The look grew even warmer, and he relented. "Well, if we use your side of the bed, then I guess so."

The apprentice turned his attention back to the table.

"And what are these?"

"Panis, obsonium, and crustulum."

"I like these little cakes."

"I thought you would. Now, what's your favorite?"

"These are all delicious, but my favorite snack isn't on the table."

"Really? What is...." Qui-Gon felt a sudden Force-shove and found himself sprawled on his back on the table.

Obi-Wan reached for the fastenings of his master's pants with one hand and picked up the syrup with the other.

"Now it's there."

On the eleventh day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

Obi-Wan moved slowly through the steps of the Full Moon Rising kata. Qui-Gon sat in a nearby chair with a cup of tea, watching as his apprentice performed the complex moves.

The light from the fireplace glistened off the young man's sweat dampened skin. As Qui-Gon watched appreciatively, the muscles in his lover's arms flexed and rippled with each movement. His gaze drifted lower, breathing in sharply as an intricate turn in the kata turned Obi-Wan's back to him, revealing the way the thin pants clung to Obi-Wan's tight ass. Another series of turns and he saw how well the pants clung to other areas as well.

Taking a sip of tea, Qui-Gon shifted in his chair and took a few deep breaths.

Obi-Wan reached the end of the exercise and held the last position. Qui-Gon stared, captivated, as a single drop of sweat made its way down Obi-Wan's chest and dripped onto the floor.

"Master?" The voice broke him from his reverie. "I don't understand how my performing katas counts as a gift." Qui-Gon took another leisurely sip of his tea.

"You needed to work off that chocolate you ate. And besides," he said as a wicked grin crossed his face, "no one said that all the presents were for you."

On the twelfth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

"Oh oh. Another small gift, " Obi-Wan said as he took the envelope from his master's hand. He held the paper to his forehead.

"Let me guess. A gift certificate for the Alderaan Royal Geological Museum's gift shop? A frequent buyer's card for Lube'n'Things?" Qui-Gon gave no reaction. "No? I guess I'll have to open it and see."

He pulled an ornate piece of paper from the envelope.

With a puzzled expression on his face, he said, "It's a certificate for twelve dozen kisses from you? I thought you gave those away freely."

"This is for times when you're feeling under appreciated or left out. When I get too caught up in being a Jedi and forget about you."

Obi-Wan smiled and took his lover's face in both hands, then leaned in to touch their foreheads together.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" he whispered huskily. A gentle kiss was placed on each eyelid. "Please don't feel guilty. I know that you never truly forget about me, but that duty comes before passion. I love you all the more for that." A once-broken nose received a kiss before soft lips brushed soft lips.

"I have one question, though," Obi-Wan breathed into Qui-Gon's mouth. "That certificate is only for twelve dozen kisses. What will I use for tomorrow?"

Later on the Twelfth Night

Obi-Wan held his new rock in front of his eyes, contemplating it. He looked down at the small potted tree in front of him, then back to the rock. Qui-Gon entered the room and watched as Obi-Wan carefully balanced the rock where two branches met.

"You seem to be deep in thought, Padawan. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I don't think so. There's just a small voice in my head saying, 'It would scan better if the rock were in a tree.' I don't know what that means."

Qui-Gon came up behind his apprentice and wrapped his arms around him. "It means that it's very late at night and you need to come back to bed." He caressed Obi-Wan's bare stomach, then reached for the drawstring of his pants.

"I think I'd like to see that fifth ring again."

The End.

But wait! We have to sing the song! All together now -- one last time!

On the twelfth day of Shengdan, my master gave to me...

Twelve dozen kisses
Eleven training katas
Ten bars of chocolate
Nine vials of oil
Eight cups of wavala
Seven Jedi tunics
Six riddles to ponder
Five Golden Rings (heh heh heh)
Four padded cuffs
Three 'sabre crystals
Two leather gloves
And a rock. In a tree.

The End!!

Credits

Day 1 -- In JA#3, Qui-Gon give Obi-Wan a rock for his birthday. Better than underwear, I suppose.

Day 2 -- Gloriana uses black leather gloves in "Hand in Glove", specifically to cover rough hands. If you haven't, go read this story.

Day 6 -- Riddle 1: Came from a webpage, and didn't give an author.

Riddle 2: From Parke Godwin's "Sherwood"

Riddle 3 and 4: From "Riddle Me This" by Phil Cousineau. The answer for #4 would be "washboard".

Sorry, we couldn't come up with a full six dirty riddles to use. If pressed to have another one, I would have been forced to use "Why is life like a penis?" And that wouldn't have been pretty.

Day 8 -- Miss Emma Woodhouse introduces wavala in her story "In Your Darkest Dreams". Go read this story

Day 9 -- "HST" = Humanoid Sexual Techniques series, by 'chelle. Go read....well, you get the idea.

Day 10 -- Wolfling and Lori use chocolate and Qualla berries in their letter series. HiperBunny uses syrup in "Bonds of Choice 7: Left Hand of the Light" in a very interesting way. Layna Anderson taught us the latin words for bread, the spread, and those little cakes in "Buying Trouble". Great, now I'm hungry, Go read all these stories while I find some panis. Oh, and Sar? "Snackpack"

Day 11 -- Thanks again, Ange

Later on Day 12 -- The "rock in a tree" was inspired by Bob & Doug McKenzie's 12 Days of Christmas.

End of notes.