Master
Apprentice  Archive
The Tables Turned
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Archive: anybody who wants it
Category: humor/parody
Rating: R
Warnings: More oddness.
Spoilers: none
Summary: Lilith Sedai reads one too many "The Council Does Not Approve!" stories, and finally snaps.
Feedback: yes, please.
One day, in the Jedi Temple...
"Inappropriate relations you are conducting with your Padawan Learner!" Yoda thwapped Qui-Gon Jinn soundly with his gimer stick. "Unheard of it is, among the Jedi! Ashamed I am, that a Padawan of mine would do such things! Did not I train you properly, Qui-Gon Jinn, that you would neglect your responsibilities as a Master in such a way???"
"But Master..."
"The Council knows of this, Qui-Gon Jinn! Disciplined you will be, if cease immediately you do not!" Yoda paced, as agitated as Qui-Gon had ever seen him.
"But Obi-Wan and I--"
"Matters not, what Obi-Wan and you want! Tradition is paramount. Order is all. Maintained, must be discipline!" Yoda jabbed his stick at Qui-Gon. "Know you, what you must do!"
"Yes, Master," Qui-Gon muttered miserably. How in the hells was he ever going to tell Obi-Wan that the days of wine and roses were over?
"Do it today, you will!" Yoda snapped, turning his back in effective dismissal. "Master Windu I have sent, to notify Kenobi. Waiting for you, he will be!"
Qui-Gon slunk out, ashamed of himself.
Meanwhile...
"But Master, I do not see why we cannot continue as we have begun." Obi-Wan Kenobi's voice was an unaccustomed wheedling whine, and Knights, Padawans, Masters, and Initiates all stopped along the grand stair to look and listen to the conversation proceeding at its foot.
"That doesn't matter, Obi-Wan," Mace Windu folded his arms, aggravated. "All Jedi take vows regarding their sexuality, and so you are expected to do so, too. Otherwise the Council will be forced to separate you from your Master for conduct unbecoming a Jedi."
"But we like being the way we are, and we are very happy together. Perhaps if we have sex, that will all change. I'll become chirpy and clinging. He'll be uncomfortable training me, and I'll become disobedient. I'll have to remember to call him Qui-Gon in bed, and Master everywhere else. We might even..." Obi-Wan hesitated, in horror. "Lose some of our detachment and become ineffective as Jedi!"
"'Expected it is, for a Padawan to desire his Master!'" Windu quoted Yoda sternly. "Tradition, Obi-Wan, decrees that--"
"Ewwww. I am so squicked." Obi-Wan shook his head decisively. "Wasn't Master Qui-Gon Yoda's Padawan?"
"Yes, but they consummated their relationship quite satisfactorily. Just ask Master Higgins."
"No wonder Qui-Gon doesn't like sex," Obi-Wan muttered, *sotto voce.*
"I heard that, and you'd better be glad Master Yoda didn't," Mace returned sternly. "Now, Padawan, you will return to your quarters, and do your duty by the Jedi! I expect to hear that you have fucked your Master by midmorning. The Jedi do not go against tradition, Padawan."
"But...!" Obi-Wan wailed. "He's so... old!"
"In spite of the fact that I'm thirty years younger, Master Jinn and I were yearmates," Windu rumbled threateningly. "Would you care to reconsider that statement?"
"Ummm..." Obi-Wan cast about frantically for a suitable revision. "I'm just too young for a man of his amazing experience and wisdom."
Windu relented, not without a final warning glare. "I have it on excellent authority that Master Qui-Gon is a very good lay," he patted Obi-Wan on the head, consolingly. "We all have adversities to bear, Obi-Wan. It's part of being Jedi." He left, and Obi-Wan reluctantly slunk toward the quarters he shared with his Master. He was nothing if not a Jedi.
Obi-Wan gave a martyred sigh, stripping and strewing his clothes all over the floor, and went to lay himself out in his Master's bed, cruciform.
Later that same morning...
Qui-Gon Jinn skulked into his bedroom and stopped abruptly, startled at the sight that met him. Obi-Wan lay in his bed lackadaisically, absolutely nude, limbs spread to the four corners. His generous cock lay invitingly against his belly, his sandy hair shone auburn in the rays of noon light that spread over the floor and coverlet, and his creamy pale skin glowed with health and vitality, stretched beautifully over taut muscle.
Qui-Gon squirmed, rocking from one boot to the other. "I see Master Windu found you," he commented dully.
"YesMastertakemeMasterIwantyousomuchMaster," Obi-Wan responded by rote, gloomily.
Qui-Gon reluctantly undid his belt and let it fall to the floor, then shrugged out of his robe. The stole followed, more slowly. Then a tunic. His fingers seemed to crawl like molasses on a cold day.
"Obi-Wan," he rumbled deep in his chest, a warm and comforting sound, and his padawan gazed up, hope dawning in his eyes.
"Yes, Master?" he sat up, suddenly breathlessly eager.
"I have a better idea."
Five minutes later...
"OOOH MASTER!!!!" Obi-Wan yelled, rearranging himself to get more traction on the rug, so that he could use all of his weight to slam the headboard of Qui-Gon's bed against the wall. "FUCK ME HARDER!!!! I CAN SEE THE FORCE!!!!!"
Qui-Gon just roared, standing on tiptoe on the mattress so that his voice would carry effectively down the ventilation ductwork that serviced this entire floor of the Jedi Temple.
Obi-Wan responded by throwing his head back with a shrill scream, struggling to suppress his giggles, and gave one final convulsive rattle of the headboard against the stone, then stopped.
Qui-Gon just stood in the middle of the tumbled bed, struggling to regain his breath, while Obi-Wan shouldered his way back into his clothes.
Finished, his apprentice folded his arms across his belly demurely. "Shall we go play dominoes until it's time for another round?"
"Delighted," Qui-Gon responded. "And then perhaps a round of Scrabble?"
"Love to." They went into the living area together, bearing their shameful secret between them.
--end--