The Hellion Inside

by Redd

Archive: you want to archive my work? Scary, m_a if they want it all others ask so I can, please.

Category: Qui-Obi

Rating: PG

Warnings: you are getting into my very scary imagination.

Spoilers: probably spoilers for TPM

Summary: Obi-Wan has a tad too much to drink.

Feedback: Please, I'd really like you to but you don't have to. Please enjoy.

Note: Special thanks to my Beta reader: Náreváne.

He had the whole clubs attention, the whole room was filled with people his age or slightly younger. This wasn't exactly his idea of getting out to see Ionian youth culture, as Senator O'Neil suggested. O'Neil and Qui-Gon had been friends since Obi-Wan could remember and now they had a lot of work to do to quite possibly keep the friendship alive. They were both stubborn, like-minded individuals and usually agreed on everything. But now that Ionia is having trade disagreements with it's neighbor Dorian IX it seems they cannot agree on anything.

Tonight, though, with the first half of the new treaty hammered out, O'Neil thought it would be good for Obi-Wan to get a taste of the culture with O' Neil's son, Irin.

Somehow Obi-Wan highly doubted this nightclub counted as culture, or if it did, it was like no culture he had ever seen before. When he saw the name of the place was Chaos Club, it should have been a hint to him to go home but he followed Irin blindly. He also knew that Irin was a hellion at heart, he should've known better and stayed in his room.

Irin came back from the overcrowded dance floor and sat down next to Obi-Wan in the booth that they were sharing. "If one more person asks me who's the hellcat I'm with, I swear I'll scream. I told you that you would look hot in smoke gray tunic with black leggings."

"Hellcat?" Obi-Wan questioned him, looking down at his outfit, which was a far cry from his Jedi uniform. The smoke gray tunic was a tad too revealing for his taste, it's low neckline showed off his neck and top of his chest, if he wasn't careful it would open up more. The leggings were near skin tight. He was almost afraid to move in them, fearing that it would rip, and when he first told Irin that he was afraid he would have to take him to the healers for pulling something by laughing so hard.

"Keep your calm on, Kenobi, in here being called a hellcat is a damn good thing. It means you're getting attention. You're wasting it by sitting here all by yourself when the entire club wants a shot at you," Irin said with a wicked look on his face.

"I don't think I'm exactly this clubs ideal."

"Don't argue, Kenobi, I brought you here to see you cut loose a bit. You've got a hellion's heart, Kenobi, just waiting to cut loose, I can tell. I'll never understand why, to be a Jedi Knight, nothing personal to the Order, now, but you have to exclude emotion from your life. Whenever I see you, I just see the emotion in your eyes, you can't hide it. Not like your Master, who always displays a perfect calm no matter what."

"That is just the way."

"Yes, I know but you aren't understanding what I'm saying, are you? Allow me to try again?" Obi-Wan nodded and Irin's smile grew bigger, "Well, what I'm saying, is that calm and serene can be overrated. Look around, here is passion and chaos in their most delicious forms. That is why I brought you here, I wanted you to experience this place and find a release."

"Irin, you may find Master Jinn unnerving."

"More like inhuman," Irin whispered.

". but you don't know the whole man and what he's been through as a man and as a Jedi. You have only seen him a handful of times and if you think that can make you an expert on him then you are wrong. I've been with him for seven years and every day with him is a new adventure."

"Then I apologize, but tell me in all honesty.doesn't it bother you sometimes?"

Obi-Wan thought a moment and picked up the beer he had been nursing and proceeded to down it in a gulp. There was no way to get out of this tonight, Irin was equally as stubborn as his father but with less social tact. If Obi-Wan wouldn't answer him then Irin would attempt to pry it out of Qui-Gon himself. Obi-Wan winced at the idea, his Master was trying to mend a very important friendship and he didn't want Irin to possibly screw it up. "Sometimes, yes, but I know my moodiness bothers him sometimes, too, so I think we are even."

"Well, I know you love and adore the man, though I'll never understand why. How can you love an ideal when there is a man of flesh and blood right before you?"

Obi-Wan was dumbfounded. Irin looked puzzled at Obi-Wan's completely baffled and embarrassed expression and then laughed warmly. "Oh come on, lock away the false innocence. You wouldn't have agreed to come here tonight if you weren't looking for something, if only one night to go completely wild. Let yourself go. You and I both know that I'm not safe but here you are with me tonight. Now why don't you order another drink and come out and dance with me?"

"Irin?"

"Yes?"

"I think I will have another drink but remember I have to get some sleep tonight."

"Ah, but sleep is so overrated," Irin said, ordering then another round, "and don't forget the old wives tale."

"What's that?"

"The beer you are drinking is made by Monks of the Key, whose monastery is by the Waterfall of Dreams. They use the water to make this brew of Ionian beer and legend has it if you can drink ten of them one of your dreams will come true."

'I highly doubt if I drink ten of these Qui-Gon will be waiting naked in my bed when I get back,' Obi-Wan thought with a sigh, his chin resting on his hand. With that thought, Obi-Wan sat straight up as if called to attention. Shock ripped through him at the thought and he tried to fight both the blush and the effect the mental image was having on his body. He thought he had finally conquered his inappropriate feelings for his Master, he thought he had gained peace and serenity.

Of course it makes sense he would lose over a years worth of meditations, mantras and self discipline in just one night with Irin, damn bastard!

"I know hearing this isn't exactly easy for you, but you need to hear it, you really need to understand this."

An hour and five beers later, Obi-Wan was sitting in silence, Irin had gone off to dance again, coming back periodically to try to convince him to join him. Finally though, Irin sat back down, he was sweaty and balancing on the thin line between hyperactive and exhausted.

"Irin, what makes you think I am in love with Qui-Gon?"

Now it was Irin's turn to be baffled and embarrassed. He coughed awkwardly and raised his fist then put up two fingers to signal to the bartender to send over another round. Almost instantly a bar-lad came over with two bottles of what they were drinking and two pints of a darker brew. "That was fast, Erik," Irin smiled.

"Don't be countin' yourself lucky yet," the tall and skinny man with fair hair and pale features sighed.

"What is this?" Obi-Wan asked as he gestured to the darker brew in the mugs.

"Chaos Kate's Bitter Ale," Irin said quietly.

"That's what I be sayin'.she's here, this round is on her."

"Tell Chaos to mind her own business," Irin said as he sent Erik away with a wave of his hand and drank the paler beer as fast as he could, "I'm going back on the floor. Join me if you'd like after you've thought about what I said."

Obi-Wan nodded as he picked up the pint and inhaled it's gentle aroma. He took a sip, and was shocked to find that the beer was warm. He swallowed it quickly but found the aftertaste excellent. Slightly bitter, thick and flavorful. It was much better than the stuff he had been drinking earlier. He set the paler beer aside and decided to stick to the pint. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the bar-lad talking with a short haired woman about his age. He assumed this was the Chaos Kate Irin had referred to before leaving.

Erik turned and gestured to the table where Obi-Wan was sitting and she walked over to the table, she did not look amused. "Excuse me, Sir," she said as if choosing her words carefully, "tell that bastard, Irin, that I didn't buy him anything and don't let Erik's little matchmaking stunts make his head swell."

"If his head swells anymore he won't be able to fit through doors, even at the embassy," Obi-Wan said and then burst into laughter.

The woman looked surprised, then smiled, "You know, you are right."

"Would you like to join me? I don't know much about alcohol, especially beer, maybe you can help me, I'm kinda confused."

She shrugged her shoulders, "Sure," she said as she sat down where Irin had been earlier, "my name is Kathrene, but most call me Chaos Kate."

"I'm Obi-Wan," he smiled, "nice to see a friendly face here."

"Chaos Club can get a little wild and.hormonal on occasion, if you get my meaning. So what are you so interested about that you asked me to join you? Irin will be less than amused, Obi-Wan."

"Why is this beer warm and the other is served cold?"

"First off, beer can be drank either room temp or cold, depending on preference. That pint you are drinking is my personal brew, my Dad owns a microbrewery. It's better warm than cold, most dark ales are."

"Thanks," Obi-Wan said.

"Now what is it you really want to know. You could've asked anyone in here about beers and they could've told you. Why me? If you are having relationship problems with Irin, I'm not the one to come to."

"No, Irin's just a friend. I got dragged here tonight, my.partner thought it would be a good idea to learn Ionian culture."

"Don't sweat it, I know you are Jedi and it doesn't bother me. Many people here doesn't know what your braid means but I am not so ignorant. So your master sent you along to learn some culture.trying to mix culture and Irin doesn't exactly work. So you ended up here, you don't exactly look happy. Something the bastard said?"

"He's very perceptive."

"Nope, he just acts like he is, it's a mind game he enjoys playing. But if you aren't in love with him you are certainly in love with someone. You are practically broadcasting your whole feelings to the entire universe."

Obi-Wan shrugged and quickly downed the rest of the pint and then the one Irin had left untouched. He then waved down Erik and asked for another round of both beers.

"Love isn't something that can be conquered, Obi-Wan, you can't just cover it up and it will eventually go away. What are you so afraid of?" she asked as she watched him down the pale beer.

"It's.a man."

"Your master?"

"How.how did you know?"

"Lucky guess, please continue."

"He is so beautiful, graceful and.stubborn, gifted and intelligent. He infuriates me and emotionally heightens me all at the same time."

"Every person has many sides, if we were all one sided, Obi-Wan, life would be very easy and damned dull. It is when we recognize the different sides to our beloved, accept them and work with them, not just the outer façade they put on everyday like clothing, we know then that we are truly in love and it's not just a crush and/or lust. There is no wrong gender to love, or right social class, or wrong physical expression of that love as long as it is with love you are doing it. If you are here to seek an emotional release, drowning it in alcohol isn't going to help, trying to mentally lock it away isn't going to help. Both ways can prove to be damaging in the end. You need to go talk to him before Irin gets you in trouble."

"I'm not going to do anything with him. He is very good looking and passionately wild but.he is not Qui-Gon."

"Then what in the seven heavens are you doing here, Obi-Wan, get your sexy ass back to him before he and Irin's Pop come looking for you here."

"They wouldn't come looking for us here.would they?" he squeaked.

"Irin spends more time here than at home, when he doesn't come back at a decent hour his father'll come looking," she shrugged as Erik arrived with the drinks, two of each beer for them both.

Obi-Wan pouted as he reached for the one of the pints on the table and proceeded to down that as fast as he could. His head was swimming, the other beers hadn't had the strong effect on him that the darker one had. He felt good, more than good, he felt relaxed and like he could rule the world, if he so chose to. His posture suddenly became relaxed and his delightfully dazed mind was content. He felt his mental barriers start to break down and his shields were wavering a bit. Qui-Gon's shields were still tightly up and Obi-Wan was to the point where he really didn't care anymore. "Hey, Chaos, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," she said.

"Am I drunk?"

"Are your teeth numb?"

Obi-Wan bit down gently testing, "Nope."

"Then it's a good chance that you aren't drunk, just tipsy though at the rate you are going you better take it easy. Eating will help absorb the alcohol."

"I'm not hungry, I had to endure a feast before going out," he said picking up the pale beer and drinking that.

"So tell me about this beloved master of yours," she said with a secret smile that made Obi-Wan relax even more.

"Qui-Gon.I mean, my Master. He is very beautiful and kind. Sometimes if I'm not careful I get lost in his eyes. Everything about him is graceful and refined. I feel so.common around him sometimes. He is very intelligent and wise, charismatic as well when he doesn't have the Jedi-calm thing going on," Obi-Wan paused a moment, then went on, "It upsets me when people call him inhuman because he is human in every possible way and he doesn't have to prove it to everyone. He isn't like me, he doesn't have to feel like he has to prove himself to everyone."

"Why do you have to prove yourself to everyone?"

"Not everyone.I'm just so afraid that I will let him down or make him look bad. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes. Other padawans tease me about being such a perfectionist and the perfect Jedi."

"Tease you? That's silly, a desire to be the best is a human trait."

Obi-Wan began to blush and sighed, "It's more of the celibacy part they like to tease me about."

"So you are holding out for the one you love, I don't see the crime in that. Let me ask you something, how old are you?"

"Twenty."

"Well, hon, I've got a year on you and I'm still a virgin too, I may not have had the offers that you've had but you aren't the lone virgin in the universe. Trust me, at times it may feel like that, especially in places like this where people just go up to the second floor and hump like Wookies, with one, two, three and sometimes four partners a night. This place makes more on the safe sex stuff than the drinks some nights. But it's not true, there are a lot of people out there waiting for the right one."

Obi-Wan nodded and stared into the bottom of his empty pint. "Everything I want is simple, I love him and I would do anything for him," tears started to leak from his eyes, "if only he would love me back but I can't have him and I never will so why bother."

"Are you sure he doesn't love you?"

"He would find my love disgusting, I.I.I asked him to dance once, at the wedding of King Hui to his consort, Ci-xo. He had been dancing with others, both men and women, but when I asked he looked shocked and uncomfortable. He refused me bluntly, turned on his heels and walked away."

"What did you do?"

"Me? I left, doing my best to appear as calm as possible until I got back to my room, where I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for a good hour, like a kid. That was when I decided I needed to stop loving him before it could destroy our relationship."

"Wow, I doubt it would go that far."

"He's been hurt so many times in the past, and if I ever get my hands on a few of those people I will make them pay. I've tried so hard," he was crying in earnest now, "to make up for all those past hurts."

They aren't yours to make up for, Obi-Wan.

"But I want to," Obi-Wan said and then sat up straight, like the table had given him an electric shock. Had he broadcast the conversion through the bond, had he been that stupid or careless?

You've been drinking.

"And may this be a wise lesson of how alcohol effects ones use of the force," Qui-Gon said, standing at the head of the table along with Senator O 'Neil, "you didn't even sense me coming to find you."

Obi-Wan yelped, quickly trying to find an escape route but the booth was in a corner and the only exit was blocked. If he could get under the table.

"Don't even think about it," Qui-Gon said firmly.

"Yes, Master," he said, resigning himself to whatever Qui-Gon was going to do. Oh well, maybe he would like being a farmer since after this the Council would never let him become a Jedi.

"Kate, where is Irin?"

"Dance floor probably, but to be sure ask Erik," she said, "I better be going."

"No," Qui-Gon said, "please stay, we are just about to leave."

Obi-Wan's shoulders slumped as he finished the beer he was drinking, even though he could feel the disapproval radiating from his Master. The Senator went after his wayward son and Chaos politely refused to stay, she was only here on Obi-Wan's invitation and since he was leaving she would as well. This left Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon completely alone. "Obi-Wan, can you stand up?" he asked. Obi-Wan gently nudged his Master aside and stood up, though he was a tad shaky. "Good, I'm glad to see you aren't drunk, that would make this a tad more awkward," he said, "lets just hope no one back at the palace can smell the drink or the smoke on you."

After getting back to the palace Obi-Wan was quickly ushered into his room, where Qui-Gon told him to clean himself up and go to bed. Obi-Wan had since then curled up by the glass door to the balcony and quietly sobbed.

I told you to go to bed an hour ago.

Obi-Wan didn't respond, he was sobering up nicely, besides having a parched throat and mouth, and having to use the fresher a lot he felt fine. It was like the beer just went right through him.

Go to bed. Now.

A few minutes passed and Qui-Gon called to him again, this time concern instead of annoyance colored his tone. Obi-Wan?

I love you, Master. Obi-Wan carefully sent his love and passion across the bond, knowing Qui-Gon would reject it.

Good night, Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan slammed his shields down again, even though he felt Qui-Gon nudge at them. He leaned in the door frame and closed his eyes, yawning slightly. As he was just beginning to drift off, he heard his door open quietly and the sound of bare feet on the carpet padding their way over toward him. Two strong arms picked him up, he could feel the Force around him, boosting the mans strength as he carried him to bed and tucked him in. He felt a pair of soft lips kiss his tears away. He shifted quickly so the lips on his cheek were upon his own lips.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon said when the kiss ended.

"Yes?"

"Please don't cry," he said, as if the confession was torn out of him, "I hate it when you cry."

"Then I will do my best not to cry again."

"And I will do my best to make sure you don't have anything to cry over again," Qui-Gon vowed, making Obi-Wan's insides turn to jelly.

Obi-Wan then slid out of bed, and offered Qui-Gon his hand. He looked confused but took it gently. Obi-Wan led him outside onto the huge oblong balcony. It was quiet, the only sound was the gentle night breeze and the only light was that of the moon and stars. "Dance with me?" he asked.

Qui-Gon looked to the door of his room and took his hand from Obi-Wan's. He quickly walked back into his room. Before Obi-Wan could react physically or emotionally Qui-Gon reappeared, kissed him slowly and thoroughly, smiling into the kiss. After a moment he broke the kiss, his eyes wet with his own tears and he was smiling. He sat a music box on the ledge near them, using the Force, he wound it up. It played a soft, delicate tune that washed over Obi-Wan like a gentle, warm rain. "I would love to dance with you," Qui-Gon said as he put his arms around him, holding him close as they swayed to the music, "and I love you too."

Out of nowhere he dipped Obi-Wan, who laughed out loud in pure happiness. Master? Why didn't you tell me you loved me before now?

I was afraid you would be disgusted by it or afraid. As long as I was in your company it was more than enough, until tonight. "When I learned that Irin had dressed you up and taken you out I knew he was up to no good. When I was told you had probably been taken to a night club I was. shall we say, less than amused. I tried to reach out to you through our bond and realized you were already intoxicated, your shields were down and you were an open book to me. When you broadcast the fact that Irin was attempting to seduce you I demanded to be taken to the club so I could get you. I kept trying to reach you but with the alcoholic haze and your mind swirling with emotions, I couldn't break through. By the time I got there you were sitting with the girl talking about being in love with me," he explained as he twirled Obi-Wan around.

"You heard the whole thing?" Obi-Wan asked, aghast.

"From the part of getting lost in my eyes if you weren't careful."

"You have the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen," he said as he came back to Qui-Gon's arms and laid his head on his chest.

"I never realized how badly I really hurt you or your motivations behind your actions. I always just thought you were a perfectionist by nature. If I had known it was just to please me I would've put a stop to it a long time ago. Every day you please me, every day you make me proud and every day you make me love you more."

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that," Obi-Wan whispered, his voice muted by emotion.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to say it. It's not that I didn't love you but I didn't want to make you love me if you didn't. You are young, loyal and still impressionable. I wanted you to come to me if you loved me. That night at the reception when you asked me to dance, I saw what I thought was laughter in your eyes, instead of the love I wanted to see there. I pulled away from you because it stung; now that I look back I see myself for the fool that I was. I see that love in your eyes then as I see it now. I guess I just didn't know what I was looking for at the time."

"So being a little rebellious one night paid off, Master?" Obi-Wan asked innocently, looking up at Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon laughed and held Obi-Wan tight. "Just don't make a habit of it, I don't need anymore gray hairs then I already have. Keep that rebellious streak inside and if you need to let it out then let it out with me alone."

the end

I was also thinking of having this fic from Qui-Gon's POV, what do you think?