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Rating: PG
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Spoilers: Nope, not a single one.
Disclaimer: The Star Wars world and all it¹s inhabitants
are the property of George Lucas.
Thanks to: You, for reading this. Rushlight, as ever, for the
beta.
Summary: Obi-Wan has difficulty coming to terms with his
emotions following the battle again Maul on Naboo
Fear. Fear is, as Master Yoda likes to remind us, the path to
the dark side, through anger, hate and suffering. I can
understand why. You always said, Master, that that which does
not destroy us makes us stronger, and that we should always
face our fears and defeat them so that we are no long afraid.
I never knew what I was afraid of until it was too late, and it
is now slowly eating me apart. I¹m scared, so very scared,
and it hurts. Being scared is making me even more afraid,
because I know where it could take me, and how close I am to
going there.
Not only am I feeling fear, but also anger, hate and I am
suffering, which in turn increases the fear in a vicious circle
that is slowly, but surely wearing me down.
I am angry that I was unable to help you, that I was stupid
enough to get knocked off the catwalk and was not able to catch
up with the fight. I am angry that the Sith harmed you and
there was nothing I could do about it. I¹m not sure if
I¹m more angry with myself, or the Sith, but I suspect it
does not matter.
I hate the Sith for what he has done to you. I hate Naboo, for
although it is a beautiful planet, it is the source of my pain.
I hate the senate for insisting it be you to negotiate with the
Trade Federation. I hate the council for not believing the
threat of the return of the Sith.
I am not suffering, but you are. The wound delivered by the
Sith almost killed you, and has left you very weak. You spend
all your time recuperating, sleeping, and recovering. Seeing
you suffering so hurts, a near-physical ache in my chest,
constricting my throat, making it difficult to breathe.
You feel my distress and reach up to comfort me again,
reassuring me that we are safe, the Sith is gone and you are
alive. You know how concerned I am about falling prey to the
dark because of all this, and remind me that if I was falling I
would not be so disturbed by these feelings.
Tell me what to do Master, for I have faced my fear and I fear
it is destroying me from the inside, leading me slowly down the
path to the dark, and I am scared.
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