Ten Years

by Red_921 (Red_921@yahoo.com)

Category:Angst, H/C, Obi/Qui, Drama

Summary:It's been ten years since Qui-Gon died and Obi-Wan is still having bad dreams.

Rating: PG (GET THE KLEENEX)

Feedback: you know we authors live for it. on or off list please!

Spoilers: Spoiler Free for you're convenience.

Archive: Yes please M_A! If anyone else actually wants it just ask, I'm nice!

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING MORE THAN MANY, MANY DOLLARS IN STAR WARS MERCHANDISE please Mr. Lucas don't sue me or I'll have to sell it all to pay for the law suit!! I do this only for the love of your characters. PS This is unbeta-ed so if there are mistakes..... umm opps!!

It's been ten years since he left.
Ten years since I saw him.
Ten years since I last heard his voice.
Ten years since I held him.

Obi-Wan set down his journal and rubbed a hand over his eyes. The night had been hard, the dreams had returned at full strength, pulling him from sleep with a soft yell and in a cold sweat. The only way Obi-Wan had found that would get him back to sleep was to write. Picking up the pen he began again.

Ten years since I went from padawan to master.
Ten years since I was given my own padawan.
Ten years since I could relax.
Since I could breath.
Since I could sleep.

Obi-Wan shut his eyes and remembered what it was like all those years ago, on missions or just a quiet night at home. The gentle strength of Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan could feel the warmth of his master. The love and kindness that radiated from him. He was the rock that shielded Obi-Wan from the storm that was life but let him learn in his own time and at his own pace.

Obi-Wan looked back at the many pages he had filled. So many thoughts, fears, concerns, hopes, and dreams to fill one book. The past ten years were held in this book. In the beginning, he wrote only of sadness that had threatened to consume his very being. Later, after he became more stable, he wrote about Anakin's progress and what he needed to do to keep him on track. Now, he wrote what he needed to stay stable. Pain, lose, longing, hope... as much hope as he could find to write.

How long will it be before I see you again.
Until we are together again.
Until I am happy again.
Life will be empty for me,
Until I am with you.

Obi-Wan fell back on his bed and ran a hand through his hair. It had long since grown from the short padawan cut he had sported all those years ago but time would do that to a man. And he was a man. Even if he still felt like a child sometimes, he was a man and a master of the force at that. He had to be in control. The dreams were just reverbs of that day.... just dreams.. But that day had not been a dream. It had been a nightmare that was burned forever into his mind. The red and black face laughing at him... taking his master..in his dreams, taking his padawan. But these were just dreams and dreams pass in time.

Obi-Wan shivered from something, either a cold draft from the window or the memories of the dreams. They had seemed so real. One set of dreams was real. Seeing Qui-Gon die night after night, dream after dream was fact. That had happened. The other set was something else. A possible future, his own fear of failing Anakin or something else. Those dreams frightened him beyond words. He felt death beyond just Qui-Gon's, millions, billions of being crying out in pain. Screaming two words that Obi-Wan could never quite make out, but he knew they were important.

Obi-Wan quickly shut the book, lost in though and found himself remembering when Anakin had once found his journal. Obi-Wan mentally hit his past self. He had blown up at the boy. He was outraged and beyond rational thought. He had yelled and made a scene. Anakin hadn't come out of his room, except for meals, which were eaten quickly, and classes, for a whole week. Obi-Wan had tried to apologize but it hadn't worked very well. Then next few weeks were hard on them both. Finally Anakin came around and began to understand that even as a master, Obi-Wan needed his privet space.

Slowly his mind fell farther back into the past, seeing the small frightened boy Anakin had been then even farther back to the frightened boy he had been. Even now decades later, that first rejection from Qui-Gon still hurt. Obi-Wan held the journal close to his chest, tears running down his face. He tried to regain his control but it was gone. With his control shattered, softly, almost silently, Obi-Wan grieved.

The only person there to comfort him was the presence of the man he grieved for.

~Fin~