Taste of Darkness

by Lyssa (jedigroupie@hotmail.com)

Rating: NC-17

Category: Slash, Angst

Pairing: Obi-Wan/Anakin

Summary: Sequel to "Incubus" and "Ice". Obi-Wan struggles to come to terms with the changes in his relationship with Anakin. This takes place three days after the events of Incubus and Ice. And if you thought things couldn't get any darker, you were wrong.

Archive: All of my regular lists, anyone else just ask

Disclaimer: Obi-Wan and Anakin belong to George, but I have the feeling they would have much more fun if they belonged to me. I am not making any money off of this, etc., etc. Great Flanneled One, please do not sue me.

*WARNING* This part contains violence, but no bondage (Sorry, I know it's disappointing, but maybe next time)

**Definition from the Ep. 2 Visual Dictionary: "Dulon- solo sequence of moves in which the opponents are only envisioned."

Note: The title was inspired by a comment from Angel on Sith Chicks, so you can blame her for this one.

Feedback: jedigroupie@hotmail.com

Sin...

It was an interesting notion, one that was not truly part of the Jedi philosophy, but it was still a concept that all Jedi were familiar with.

Could one commit a sin if they didn't believe in the concept? Did the idea of sin vary from individual to individual? Who defined what was a sin?

So many cultures had so many different definitions. No one could agree.

Some cultures believed that if one confessed their iniquities and atoned that they were absolved. Other cultures believed that it damned one to everlasting torment. Everlasting torment...he could believe that.

It all boiled down to one question in his mind. What happened three nights ago with Anakin, was it a sin?

This was hardly an appropriate topic to contemplate for his morning meditation, but it was a necessary one, and it had been tearing him apart ever since that night. He and Anakin had come to an unspoken understanding, neither wanted to jeopardize the other's career. So they had done nothing, and he had done his best to pretend it never happened, but the seductive memory of his apprentice's touch was never far from his thoughts.

They had tried to act normal, and they had probably succeeded. No one seemed to notice the tension. They hadn't avoided each other, nor had they spent more time together than usual. They just floated in a strange, uncomfortable limbo, acting their parts.

Obi-Wan's commlink buzzed and put an end to his ponderings and self-loathing. "Master, don't forget saber practice in 20 minutes," said the voice on the other end, the one that echoed in his psyche and gnawed at his soul. Even saying something this simple, he couldn't escape it, the desire that voice aroused in him.

"I'm on my way, Padawan," Obi-Wan replied half-heartedly. He was tired, physically and mentally, forgoing sleep for the past three nights in favor of meditation and trance states, where dreams could not touch him. With a deep sigh, he rose and headed off to face the source of most of his life's troubles and a few of his joys.

He could feel the boy's glowing presence before he even reached the training room. The door slid open with a hiss, and he entered finding Anakin going through the fluid movements of a rather complicated dulon. Not wanting to interrupt, Obi-Wan remained silent, watching with both the analytical eyes of a teacher and the hungry eyes of a lover.

Anakin's muscles moved with perfect grace and precision; even his mechanical arm, newly covered by synthflesh, moved with stunning fluidity, and the golden glow of his skin was complimented by his sandy hair and the rich brown of his breeches. Obi-Wan caught himself thinking about how that golden skin felt against his.

Quickly banishing the inappropriate thought, his mind focused on Anakin's form, noting even the slightest imbalance in his stance, each exaggerated shift of weight or overextension, all the minute details. In his opinion, his Padawan's movements were always a little too forceful and extravagant, using too much energy.

Anakin's body flowed through the final motions of the exercise, and returned to a neutral stance, bowing to Obi-Wan.

"Be mindful of how you distribute your weight when you lunge, Padawan. An opponent can use it to throw you off balance," Obi-Wan advised as he crossed to the center of the room. Anakin's shoulders seemed to droop almost imperceptibly at the admonishment.

"Yes, Master," he replied dutifully.

Obi-Wan stepped close to him, reaching out to squeeze his upper arm. "Anakin, you still did exceptionally well. All of us have room for improvement," he smiled. The kind words and reassuring touch caused Anakin's face to light up, making him look so much younger, almost like the cheerful boy he had met more than a decade ago. If only things were as simple now as they were back then. Not that the beginning of their relationship had been easy, but it was nothing compared to their current situation.

"Come on, Master. Let's get started. I want to see how many different ways I can kick your ass today," Anakin said enthusiastically. Obi-Wan had to smile. It was the closest thing they'd had to a normal conversation since that night, and he hadn't realized how much he had missed the friendly banter and chemistry they had when they got along.

Obi-Wan went to the nearby bench to remove his cloak and began to remove his tunic as well, but he could feel Anakin's eyes on him, the weight of his stare palpable. For a moment he hesitated. Anakin had seen him without a shirt countless times, why did it feel so different now? They always practiced this way; it would seem odd to do otherwise; it would prove how much things had changed, and most importantly, it would show Anakin that he could be intimidated. That was something that he absolutely could not allow. He shed his tunics and turned to face his Padawan.

Obi-Wan stepped into the center of the room and ignited his blade, sweeping it in front of him in salute. Anakin snapped himself out of his dreamy state and did the same. He began his attack almost immediately, using powerful strokes to force Obi-Wan back.

Obi-Wan was always amazed at how radically different their fighting styles and philosophies were. Anakin's movements were always aggressive, full of power, and the raw unrefined energy of the Force, while Obi-Wan's style was much more conservative and graceful, with a quieter power. He had learned long ago that flashy attacks and exaggerated strikes did nothing but waste energy. Where Anakin concentrated on speed and strength, Obi-Wan concentrated on precision and strategy. It was a totally different experience from sparring with Qui-Gon. Their styles complimented each other perfectly. Anakin's style, on the other hand, conflicted with his.

Although Obi-Wan knew that he was no match for Anakin's strength and speed, he surpassed him in determination, patience and strategy. All of which were skills that Anakin had yet to master, despite the costly lesson on Geonosis. He was still as impetuous and rash as ever, if not more so.

Proving Obi-Wan's point, Anakin was using the advantage of his height to drive his Master towards the nearest wall, but as fast as he struck out Obi-Wan was there to block, using a minimum range of motion. Anakin was familiar with this technique of Obi-Wan, very predictably, trying to tire him out, but Anakin began to adjust his attacks. Concentrating on striking at Obi-Wan's legs and lower body, Anakin forced him to keep his legs moving, jumping to avoid sweeps, changing his stance, taking advantage of his lapses in balance.

Obi-Wan was impressed by this change in tactics, but he had anticipated it as well. This was the direction that he had been trying to steer his Padawan into. It made him think more, taught him not to take things for granted. In a flash, Obi-Wan changed his grip, reversing it, twirling the lightsaber to deflect Anakin's blows as quickly and with as little effort as possible, while clearing a larger space in front of him and regaining some ground.

Without warning, Obi-Wan changed his strategy once more, attacking with much more force than Anakin was accustomed to from him. Anakin, of course, was able to keep up, but it did throw him off, forcing him to react. Suddenly, the battle became much more fierce, and the look of focus in Anakin's eyes transformed into something more menacing, as if this wasn't just practice.

All at once, everything seemed to speed up. Legs kicked out. Lightsabers slashed and parried, intensifying the conflict. The air was heavy with aggression and passion as the Force swirled around the dueling pair. Anakin's predatory gaze followed Obi-Wan's every move, seeking out his weaknesses, seeking control over him.

Obi-Wan caught the dangerous look in his apprentice's eyes and the desire lurking below the surface. He had not anticipated this radical change in Anakin, and he was tempted to withdraw. The last thing he wanted was to encourage this darkness that was creeping in, but he was drawn to it as well. As much as he hated to admit it, his Padawan was mesmerizing; the power flowing through him was an incredible and disturbing thing to witness. It took everything he had just to keep up.

Anakin had driven him back into a wall, and he had no place to go. He was just about to admit defeat when he saw an opening, and took it, slashing and twisting his grip, knocking Anakin's blade away and out of his hand. Anakin growled in frustration as he slammed his fist into the wall, inches from Obi-Wan's face.

Obi-Wan was at a loss. He didn't know what to say or do to control his Padawan's rage. He was well aware that Anakin didn't like losing, but he had never seen him react so badly to it. He was stalking around the room like a caged beast, eyes wild and seething.

"Anakin," he called out as he reached for the other man's shoulder. Anakin grabbed Obi-Wan's wrist, twisting it and slamming him against the wall. He looked like he wanted to say something, but his rage held him in a place beyond words. Instead, he used his mouth to crush his Master's in a violent kiss.

The sizzling feeling of Anakin's lips burned Obi-Wan, and had him gasping for breath. He was left shaken by the force and fury of the kiss, and he knew that he should push him away, but he allowed himself to be pinned against the wall, Anakin holding his wrists bound above his head.

The dark energy throughout the room seemed to fade, and Obi-Wan could feel Anakin's rage ebbing. He sighed against Obi-Wan's neck and released his wrists, sliding his hands down his Master's arms and around his back pulling Obi-Wan against him.

This time when Anakin kissed him, the passion was laced with tenderness, and Anakin melted against Obi-Wan's body. Obi-Wan knew it was pointless to fight the kiss; he couldn't lie to himself that much. He twined his hands in Anakin's short hair and pulled him down, deepening the embrace

The adrenaline and passion of the duel coursed through Obi-Wan's veins, and he found himself hardening as his tongue plunged deeper into Anakin's mouth. It felt like hours had passed locked together in the kiss.

Obi-Wan cursed himself. He had allowed it to happen again. He was failing once more, falling into the same abyss of desire. They could be discovered at any moment, and a part of him didn't care. But it wasn't just the threat of getting caught that made Obi-Wan push his apprentice away. The last time they had been together, he had been tied up, overpowered, taken against his will to a certain extent, but this, this was voluntary, his choice, and that frightened him. This was forbidden.

Anakin was gasping and confused when Obi-Wan pushed him away. A haunted, lost look filled his eyes, and Obi-Wan almost gave in, but he couldn't allow himself to be manipulated like that; he couldn't give in to Anakin's misguided lust. Slowly, he backed away like one would from a serpent that was ready to strike. But Anakin's heated gaze never left him; it followed his every move, pleading with him to stay.

Obi-Wan picked up his clothes and disappeared through the door. He couldn't remember walking to his quarters or locking the door; he couldn't remember anything he had done since he walked away from Anakin. His world had been reduced to the sensation of the icy water that was battering his back, and he gasped as the chill began to register and seep into his soul.

The merciless cold strung him, and he reveled in it. It was the only thing that was able to assuage his lust, the only thing that was able to shock him back into reality. The water poured over his face and down his chest and legs, washing away his need. If he could have opened up his head to let it cleanse away his dark thoughts he would have done it gladly.

He focused instead on the Force, allowing it to fill him. The brilliant light shone through him, eradicating the conflict and desire, melting away his identity until he just was. For a few moments, the peace he had been seeking found him and set him free. If only he could stay there, if only....

Lost in numbness, he stepped out of the water, dressed and ate; but there was still no sign of Anakin, no clue on how to proceed. When he asked the Force for guidance he received no answer, only a strange silence. When he looked into his own heart, he found an answer that he was unwilling to accept. Perhaps Master Yoda would understand; he had seen so much in his lifetime, maybe he would merely separate them and reassign them. The only problem with that would be admitting it. Obi-Wan couldn't even put it into words to admit it to himself.

Like a storm, Anakin burst through the door, headed for his room.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called. "Padawan, we need to talk. Now!" He said, calling on the Force to add weight to the order.

Anakin stopped just outside his door, and the gaze he turned on Obi-Wan burned a hole straight through him, shattering his former calm and stirring up all of the feelings he had spent his entire life's training in an attempt to control. Anakin turned away from his Master as his door slid open, and he disappeared into his room.

Before he knew what he was doing, Obi-Wan found himself in Anakin's room as well. There was a rushing sound in his ears, like a sizzling in his blood or thousands of dark whispers. He was swirling and drowning in every dark emotion he'd ever experienced. He could have ripped flesh to shreds with his bare hands, if he wanted to, and part of him did.

"Get out!" Anakin snarled, facing his Master.

With a flick of his hand Obi-Wan slammed Anakin again the wall. The initial surprise passed in an instant, and a wicked smile spread over Anakin's features. His brows shadowed his eyes, making them look like dark ink, and his mouth looked sinister and so sensuous. His under tunic hung loosely on his frame, partially open at the neck, and Obi-Wan reached out and ripped it open the rest of the way.

Obi-Wan buried his other hand in Anakin's hair and pulled his apprentice's lips down to his. He didn't want to breathe, he just wanted to feel those lips, needed to devour those lips. Greed, lust and anger pulsed in him, and he wasn't sure if they were coming form Anakin or from himself. Obi-Wan felt like he was standing outside of himself, watching a savage beast attack his Padawan. It horrified him, but a secret part of him liked it.

Anakin didn't struggle, he simply allowed himself to be taken, allowed his Master to ravage his mouth. Obi-Wan's callused fingers pinched and tugged at his nipple, becoming even rougher when Anakin moaned in response. His hips were grinding into the younger man's in tortuous need, and his desire grew hotter as he felt the response from his apprentice.

Obi-Wan's hand moved over Anakin's collar bones and throat, and it took every last bit of control that he had not to squeeze, not to hurt him. His mouth snaked down Anakin's chest, kissing, biting, licking, devouring, moving lower and lower. He could feel Anakin's rapid breathing and excitement. His hand slipped into Anakin's trousers to cup his hardness. The low moan from his apprentice's throat sent a spike of heat straight through Obi-Wan.

The sculpted muscles of Anakin's stomach twitched beneath Obi-Wan's lips, and his legs were shaking with desire, barely able to hold him up. Wasting no time, Obi-Wan's deft fingers freed Anakin's erection, and he took it into his mouth immediately.

Obi-Wan moved unconsciously, his teeth and tongue tormenting Anakin, his lips caressing and devouring the shaft. His hand moved in unison with his mouth prolonging the torture, squeezing, and forcing Anakin to hold back.

Anakin didn't try to guide him, and probably couldn't have even if he had tried, but he did bring his hands to rest in Obi-Wan's still damp hair. He took him in deeper and deeper with each stroke, and Anakin tensed as Obi-Wan swallowed him. "Master," he groaned as his climax hit. The heat sliding down Obi-Wan's throat as his lips continued to pulse around Anakin's cock. The feelings washing over him were so intense that he was surprised that he didn't come himself.

As Anakin's orgasm subsided, Obi-Wan pulled back. His entire body burned and buzzed with arousal, and all he wanted to do was to throw Anakin down on the floor and take him. The darkness was so intoxicating, he hardly recognized himself; it wrapped around him and transformed him, suffocated him. He was dancing ever closer to the flame, and the slightest shift would cause it to reach out and engulf him.

He had to bring himself back. There was no Qui-Gon to remind him of the Code, no one else to show him the way back to the light. This was a test only for him, and he refused to fail and give in. With his eyes tightly closed, Obi-Wan released his anger and lust to the Force and stood up, careful not to touch the burning skin of his beloved Anakin. If he did, his conviction would vanish. He walked away from his apprentice, away from his desire, and he forced himself not to look back. But he could not force away Anakin's dark laughter as it echoed through the room and followed him out the door.

The chill of that laughter continued to run down his spine even after he reached the Temple gardens. He thought that if there was anyplace in the Temple where he could escape and feel peace, it would be here. There had to be another way to handle this. He couldn't go to the Council now. He was just as guilty as Anakin, but he had sworn to his Master that he would see Anakin a Jedi. He couldn't do that if they were both expelled. He couldn't deny that dying wish, nor could he deny his feelings.

His mind was in a jumble, a mass of desires and wishes and conumdrums. His heart showed him things that he didn't think were possible. He was afraid to accept what it told him; it didn't seem logical. He had glimpsed what both he and Anakin were capable of, and it frightened him. Something that started out with that much turmoil couldn't possibly work. There had to be some way to fix this. He still felt so lost.

For an eternity he sat, until at last, he found his center. In the quiet peace of the Force, he felt it, the unbearable ache in his heart, the taste of Anakin still on his lips. In that moment, Obi-Wan realized that he couldn't be apart from his apprentice; he knew his heart was right. He couldn't go back to his life as it was before.

He wanted more, no matter what the cost.