Rating: PG-13 to NC-17 - First Time, Angst, Romance
Spoilers: None - pre-TPM
Archive: Master & Apprentice, The Nesting Place, OKEB, QJEB
Disclaimer: Alack and alas Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are not mine,
they are the creations of G.L., Lord of all things Star Wars. I
am just a fan of his brilliance and have massive student loan
payments so suing wouldn't be a good idea.
Feedback - Yes please - I like knowing that people enjoy my
stories
Thanks to Chris, Heather and Holly - my beta goddesses. You
make me look like I can actually write.
This story is dedicated to my slash bunnies Obi-Lust and Qui-Oh
My! Gon, and to my Beta Goddesses - without any of them I
wouldn't be able to make this work!
Thank you Destina for letting me use the parat jala - it made
for a very interesting revelation!
The night winds screamed like a wounded ice beast and all but
hurtled the Jedi Master and his Apprentice into their quarters
as they hastened to get out of the inclimate weather. The door
quickly slid open to allow them to escape into the cozy
structure they were currently occupying. The scent of snow was
thick in the air and both men could feel the gathering energies
all around them, much like they felt the howling winds outside.
A blizzard would soon strike, and if what they felt was any
indication of what was to come, it would be a brutal one.
Obi-Wan Kenobi quickly shed his outer robe,hung it by the doors
and, shook off the ice pellets that clung to his short red-gold
hair. He moved to the center of the room to begin laying a fire
in the central heating pit. In a short time there was a roaring
blaze going and the two-room structure began to heat up to what
he considered comfortable levels once more. Silently he went to
the kitchen area and began preparing dinner for himself and his
Master.
Qui-Gon Jinn sighed inwardly, as he too shed his outer robe,
all the time subtly watching his apprentice. Where had the
sparkling and talkative young boy that he remembered so fondly
disappeared to? A somber and too-quiet man now resided in the
child's place and Qui-Gon wasn't sure how to relate to him.
When Qui-Gon had finally listened to the will of the Force and
the calling of his heart, taking Obi-Wan as his Padawan, his
student had been so open and affectionate - a soothing balm to
his once ravaged heart. Obi-Wan would greet him with a hug and
a laugh upon his Master's return from a solitary assignment or
a debriefing by the Council. Obi-Wan had been quick to smile or
deliver a dry, humorous comment on something or other. He used
to go out of his way to draw his teacher out of somber moods
with light-hearted antics. That boy had been a joy to watch as
well as a blessing to train.
Obi-Wan was still a blessing to train, but lately, as the boy
disappeared and a man emerged, his joy had faded. The man was
now too serious and quiet. He now cloaked his emotions and
thoughts from his master, where once Qui-Gon had been allowed
in freely, he was now kept out. Gone were the spontaneous
touches and hugs, the signs of casual affection and intimacy.
Instead, Obi-Wan was solicitous to his master's needs, formal
in his relationship with the elder, and always circumspect and
deferential in his actions.
Qui-Gon sorely missed that sparklingly happy child, and yet
would not trade a second of the time he spent watching Obi-Wan
grow from boy to man, a man he admired respected and cared for
more than any other. A man that he feared he was... no, that
train of thought would only lead to pain and a great sorrow for
something that could never be. 'Enjoy what you have Qui-Gon,'
he admonished himself. 'Celebrate that he is in your life, do
not mourn what is not to be.'
"Dinner, Master," Obi-Wan called out, breaking him out of his
brooding thoughts. Making his way over to the low table that
served at the dining area, Qui-Gon arranged his tall frame on a
cushion that acted as a seat and watched Obi-Wan finish setting
out their meal before joining him at the table.
"Tell me your impressions of the Trade Summit, Padawan," he
requested as they began to eat. Obi-Wan had a keen eye and was
quickly picking up the art of understanding body language. He
often picked up subtleties that Qui-Gon could not when acting
as mediator. Obi-Wan was a student of human nature. Once
Obi-Wan could temper his rashness and impatience, Qui-Gon felt
sure that his Padawan would be one of the best among their
order.
"The delegates from the system worlds seem honest and sincere
Master. They come here willingly and openly to negotiate
treaties and agreements that are mutually beneficial to all the
planets in the Corellian system. They obviously wish to keep
the discussions fair, otherwise they would not have requested
that Jedi always be present to mediate the talks. There seems
to be no ill will or malice, just a justified ethnocentricity,
as they want agreements that will be best for each individual
race, planet or government represented here.
"My only concern in regards to these conferences is this odd
desire to hold them in extreme locations. Last year the Fire
plains of Drall and this year the ice mountains of Selonia?
What ever happened to pleasantly warm days and cool nights of
the temperate climates of Corellia?" Obi-Wan sighed, somewhat
mournfully.
Qui-Gon had to laugh at his student's maudlin face. Obi-Wan was
definitely not ~fond~ of the cold. He had been born in the
tropics of Dantooine and had lived in the climate-controlled
warmth of the Temple for many years. Missions like this tended
to make his apprentice... cranky. "Fear not Obi-Wan, with the
storm that's coming I do believe we will be left to our own
devices and in our quarters for a few days. You will be fine -
so long as we don't run out of firewood!" Qui-Gon chuckled, as
he sat back and relaxed after their meal.
Obi-Wan ducked his head to hide his smile. It wasn't often that
he managed to make his Master smile, let alone laugh, these
days. Ever since Obi-Wan had come into his majority four years
ago, a definite coolness had set into their relationship. He
willingly admitted it was partly his fault. He had started
shying away from the physical and mental closeness he and his
Master had once shared.
Obi-Wan began to efficiently clear the table and set the
kitchen to rights as he mulled over his thoughts. He had
to pull away from his Master, but perversely he couldn't
understand why Qui-Gon had seemed so willing to let him. After
all, there was no way his Master could have known that on the
night of his majority, the night of his 17th year celebration,
Obi-Wan had searched his heart and realized that he was
irrevocably in love with his Master.
The touch of his Master's hand startled Obi-Wan badly. He had
been so deep in introspection that he had not heard Qui-Gon
call out, let alone move close enough for Obi-Wan to feel the
other man's body heat through his tunic. Obi-Wan's heart began
to beat triple time and he felt his body first soften, then
begin to grow hard. He had to get away from there!
"Obi-Wan, are you all right?" Qui-Gon asked, somewhat
concerned. Obi-Wan had been so lost in thought he hadn't even
sensed Qui-Gon's approach, then had reacted like a startled
bantha when touched. He had then flushed bright red and finally
became as white as the snow beginning to fall. Qui-Gon hadn't
seen this sort of a reaction from his apprentice since his
voice had begun to change.
"I'm... I'm fine Master," Obi-Wan lied badly, his voice
breaking in his agitation. 'A way out, I need a way...' "I'm
going to bring in some extra firewood before the snow starts to
fall too quickly - after all, you know how much I love cold
weather," he joked lamely, grasping at the first straw he could
to get away. Besides, the frigid temperatures outside would
help convince his body to return back to its normal quiescent
state.
Not waiting for a response, Obi-Wan moved as quickly as
possible without wanting to seem hasty, grabbed his robe, and
all but flew out the door. Once outside he stood for a moment,
breathing in great lungfuls of the freezing air, letting the
snow that had begun to fall find all the exposed skin it could.
'Hopefully this will cool me down,' he thought morosely.
"Smart Obi - that was just so elegantly done," he snorted to
himself as he began piling cords of wood by the front door for
easy accessibility. He knew he was delaying the inevitable, but
he just wasn't ready to face his Master yet. First he had to
get his body and his emotions under control. Being aroused and
frustrated around a man who knew him as well as he knew
himself, the man responsible for his aroused frustration, was
not a smart idea. Even now he could feel Qui-Gon's presence on
the fringes of his consciousness and he shied away from his
Master, not knowing what else to do about it.
"Obi-Wan, hey Obi-Wan, you in there?" Cursing his lack of
attention to his surroundings, Obi-Wan turned to see Malak
Neewan, one of the Corellian negotiator's aides. The two had
met the first day of the summit and had become instant friends,
being of like ages and personalities. Malak was a friendly,
easy-going young man, only a few years older than Obi-Wan with
a wicked sense of humor and a roguish sort of charm.
Malak had dancing brown eyes, dark brown hair and was tall,
lean and lanky. There was a scent of danger and intrigue about
him, as well as boyish charm and a seductive laugh. In fact, if
Obi-Wan hadn't already been deeply in love, Malak would have
been just the sort he would have been interested in.
"Forgive me, my friend, I was light-years away. What are you
doing out here with a storm coming?"
"We're having a gathering, those of us with pulses that is. I
came to see if your Master would let you join us," the handsome
young man asked, chafing a bit at the biting wind.
"I have no training tonight and Master seemed... tired. My time
is probably my own but I should go ask..." Obi-Wan trailed off,
wanting to spend time with his friend, wanting any excuse to
get as far away from his Master as he could, but unsure if it
would be permitted.
"Finish piling your wood supply Obi. I'll go ask - that way it
will be harder for the venerable Jedi Master to say no hmmm?"
With a courtly flourish Malak strode into the Jedi's residence.
A short time later he returned, grinning like a Corellian loon.
Grabbing Obi-Wan's wrist and giving him no chance to protest he
pulled the startled young apprentice behind him as he crossed
the compound to the Corellian delegation's sector. "Let's go
sir Apprentice - an entire keg of Corellian Ale awaits us!"
It was almost dawn and the storms swirling around the small
compound were poised to strike at any moment as a less than
sober apprentice made his way back to his quarters. Wrapping
his robes tightly around himself, Obi-Wan used the beacon of
his Master's presence as a guide home. He felt a little guilty
staying away so long and indulging so much, but the pressure of
his secrets had been building inside him for too long and had
been pushing him to the breaking point. His friend had been a
desperately needed oasis in his tumultuous life, and a welcome
help.
Malak had rushed him across the compound, keeping up a steady
and amusing stream of conversation. Just before entering the
common area of the Corellian sector he had stopped short and
given Obi-Wan an intense stare. Once inside Malak, having
realized that Obi-Wan was not in a socializing sort of mood,
had requisitioned a bottle of fine Corellian brandy and had all
but shoved his friend into his private quarters, ordering the
young Jedi to 'spill it.' And spill it Obi-Wan did, pouring out
all his frustrations and desires as rapidly as he could, using
cup after cup of the brandy to fortify himself.
Malak had listened with patience, then told him he was a fool
for pining over what he couldn't have. He then suggested that
if this was what Obi-Wan truly wanted he should do something to
change his situation - like seduce the venerable old Jedi,
since the foolish old man was too blind to see the young god in
front of him.
This had caused the inebriated young padawan to burst into
giggles. "Why couldn't I have met you first," Obi-Wan asked,
wiping away mirthful tears. "Until I fell in love with my
Master you would have been everything I wanted in a partner.
You still are for that matter. It's just that..."
"Your heart wouldn't be in it yes?" Malak finished. "I will not
lie to you Obi - if I thought even for a second that I could
sway your heart, I would be seducing you so fast your head
would spin even more than it's probably spinning right now. I
want you more than I've ever wanted anyone, but I also want
everything you have to give. So, if I can't have your whole
heart I will have your whole-hearted friendship... but keep
tempting me with those chameleon eyes of yours and..." Malak
threatened jokingly.
"Malak..." Obi-Wan stared at his friend in sudden fascination.
Malak looked so handsome in the room's dim light, like the
far-too-tempting rogue that he was...
"Yes, Obi?"
"Kiss me." Obi-Wan thought he might have temporarily taken
leave of his common sense, but he wanted to kiss Malak so
badly. It had been so long since he'd felt the heat and burn of
desire and he wanted that feeling back so badly.
"Obi, that's... Gods I ~want~ it but that's not a good..." He
wasn't able to finish the sentence as Obi-Wan suddenly lunged
and claimed Malak's mouth in a moist, knowing kiss. Arms
tangled and bodies pressed into the bed as the young men played
with each other's mouths. 'This feels so good,' Obi-Wan
thought. 'The only thing that would make it perfect was if it
were Qui-Gon.'
It was like being doused in ice water after lying in the sun.
Obi-Wan shot up so fast the alcohol in his blood made the room
spin in an alarming way. "Mal, I'm... oh Sith I'm so sorry,"
his voice shook as he spoke. What had he been thinking of? This
was his friend, not some faceless stranger or some pleasure
boy.
Malak sat up behind his dejected friend and wrapped his arms
around Obi-Wan, pulling him back into a comforting and platonic
embrace. Obi-Wan sighed and melted into his friend's larger
frame, his head resting on Malak's shoulder. It felt so good to
be held, to feel safe and wanted.
"It's okay Obi. I understand, really I do. You want him so bad
you don't know what to do about it, and it feels like it's
eating you up inside, or ripping out your heart. You want to
pretend like you feel nothing for him so you try to fill the
empty spaces with countless other people, hoping against hope
that if you lose yourself in the pleasure of another he will
cease to have a hold on your heart. You try everything you can
to forget about him, about the way he makes you feel. You try
to bury your feelings deep down inside or burn them out of you
with the lust you can feel for another, but that only leaves
you feeling hollow and cold inside. Am I right?" Malak prodded
gently.
"Yes" came the choked reply. It was precisely what he had done
at first. He had tried everything possible to stop the flood of
his feelings. He had meditated until his knees were numb, but
that didn't work. He then tried to sweat the desire away,
throwing himself into his training exercises, going over them
again and again, perfecting them and moving on to higher, more
challenging, more brutal ones that exhausted his mind and body,
but not his heart. He finally had tried drowning his desires in
meaningless lust and casual relationships. He had used his
natural good looks to attract many different partners, female
and male, in the hopes of finding a replacement in his heart.
But he had found none, so he threw himself into the pleasures
of the flesh, hoping to burn his desire for his master away in
the white-hot heat of lust and want. All he had done was gain a
universe of experience and a heart full of pain and the guilt
of betrayal.
"But then you remember how much you love him, what drew you too
him in the first place, and then you feel like you've betrayed
him even though he doesn't have a clue about how you feel. And
that hurts even more to think about so you're right back where
you started, trying to deny the love and the pain and the guilt
and the vicious cycle repeats itself over and over" a slow nod.
The guilt had been overwhelming.
"You didn't betray him Obi, because he doesn't know how you
feel about him and no commitments have been made. And you
haven't hurt me either. I understand well what you are going
through. You're my friend Obi, that hasn't changed." Malak told
him sincerely.
"But I'll tell you this" he continued. "If you ever kiss me
like that again Obi-Wan Kenobi and I swear I'll knock you out,
tie you up and pirate you away to Corellia so you can be my
love slave. And that venerable elder Jedi master will never get
the chance to find out what he's missing!"
Obi-Wan snorted at his friend's playful threat. He could just
picture himself, clad in septsilk, a pampered plaything kept in
an expensive cage. "I almost wish you would" he teased his
friend, seductively. "I could easily get used to being the
pampered pleasure boy of such a handsome diplomat as yourself."
"Yeah right! You're a Jedi born and bred my friend, and you'll
never be anything else!" Obi-Wan quickly turned and attacked
his friend in mock indignation. He proceeded to tickle his
friend mercilessly until Malak began to fight back. The two men
tussled and tickled and prodded one another, laughing
hysterically, until the finally collapsed in a happily
exhausted heap.
It was exactly the catharsis that Obi-Wan had required. His
friend's understanding and compassion combined with the chance
to finally say the words out loud and vent his roiling emotions
and finally the playful release of tension, all helped to
soothe the rawness he felt inside. Obi-Wan and Malak lay on the
bed, pleasantly tired and happily drunk, holding hands and
sharing idle thoughts until finally they drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later Obi-Wan had been woken by a brief mind touch
as his Master sought assurances that he was fine, and Obi-Wan
realized it was time to face the music.
So here he was, still more drunk than sober, standing outside
the door to his quarters, afraid to go in. 'Some Jedi I am.' He
thought derisively. 'I'm a coward - that's what I am.'
Obi-Wan, come inside before you turn into a block of
ice, came the soft mental touch.
'He knows I'm here. what am I saying, of course he knows I'm
here, he's a venerable Jedi master. ~my~ Master, and we're
bonded. oh Sith, I'm still drunk, this isn't going to go well'
Obi-wan babbled to himself.
He felt a mental sigh, then the door slip open to reveal his
still dressed Master. "Padawan. inside now!"
"Yes Master," he replied meekly, head bowed as he slipped past
his elder and into the living area. He was about to get the
lecture of his life -he just knew it.
Qui-Gon watched as his apprentice slid by him, still waving
slightly. He caught a whiff of brandy fumes and realized
Obi-Wan was intoxicated. 'Of all the foolish and irresponsible
things...' Qui-Gon thought, shaking his head. No wonder Obi-Wan
was so humble. He knew he had done something wrong and was
waiting for the ensuing lecture.
"Obi-Wan, the talks have been canceled for the day as the storm
warning has become a reality. Go to bed and sleep. We will
speak when you wake," Qui-Gon bit out. He needed time to
control his spinning emotions, or else he might say something
that could damage, and he wanted Obi-Wan sober for this.
"Yes Master," came the small reply. Obi-Wan grabbed his sleep
pants and practically bolted into the bathing area to shower
and get ready for bed. Qui-Gon released a weary sigh. He
couldn't really fault his apprentice for his actions. How many
times had he, when he was an apprentice, done such a thing? It
was a common thing actually, but for some reason he was
disappointed in the extreme that Obi-Wan, a young man who had
never behaved in such a manner, had done this.
Obi-Wan slipped silently out of the bathing area, quickly
ensured the fire was stoked, and slipped between the sheets of
his pallet in front of the fire. "Goodnight Master," he
murmured.
"Goodnight Padawan." Qui-Gon absently replied, still focused
inward in an attempt to find the root of his displeasure at
Obi-Wan's actions. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he
failed to notice the worry that marred Obi-Wan's handsome
visage as he gazed sadly into the fire before finally drifting
off to sleep.
Qui-Gon sat on his pallet across the fire pit from Obi-Wan's as
he tried to make some semblance of order out of his confused
thoughts. He watched the firelight dance over Obi-Wan's
sleep-softened features and noted the way the light turned the
young man's hair form sandy-red to a coppery hue. He marveled
at his fortune for having Obi-Wan as his student and companion.
'He's grown into a wonderful man,' Qui-Gon thought, not without
a little pride at his Padawan's accomplishments. 'He is now
responsible for himself in all ways save being my student. He
even takes care of me more often than not. So why does it
bother me so much that he now chooses to spend his free time
apart from me instead of with me? Am I being selfish in wanting
him with me always? In a few years he will be ready to take his
trials and he will pass them and become a Knight. I will
cut his braid myself in the Ascension Ceremony. Then he will
forge his own path, separate from mine.' Qui-Gon had to stifle
the pain that blossomed in his chest around the area of his
heart. He knew that day was coming - he had to accept it. Soon
Obi-Wan would be his equal and they would perhaps see each
other in passing, perhaps stay in touch. But his student would
no longer walk by his side. Obi-Wan would follow his own star.
'Perhaps, when that day comes I will finally take Mace up on
his offer to join the Council. I do not think I could take
another Padawan Learner after Obi-Wan. I wouldn't be able to
properly bond with the child, not when my heart has completely
bonded itself to this Padawan,' Qui-Gon mused.
It was that which was at the root of his problem, Qui-Gon
suddenly realized. He was not upset that Obi-Wan had indulged
in spirits or had spent time with friends. He was upset because
Obi-Wan had been with one particular friend. A handsome,
charming rogue of a Corellian lad. A young man that was already
half in love with his beautiful student. The truth of the
matter was that he, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, was jealous. and
terrified of losing whatever little place in Obi-Wan's heart
that he now occupied.
Sighing wistfully, Qui-Gon realized that there was no way he
could in good conscience reprimand his Padawan without bringing
his own emotional vulnerabilities into play. He could only warn
the other man about indulgence and staying alert at all times.
After stripping out of his tunic and breeches and putting on
sleep pants, Qui-Gon slid between the sheets of his pallet and
promptly fell asleep. Morning would come soon enough and
hopefully the new day would bring new perspective.
Obi-Wan was already awake and busy tidying up the cabin by the
time Qui-Gon shook off the mantle of sleep. The snow was
falling fast and furious outside the windows and the wind
howled like an enraged Rancor this morning. There would be no
trade talks for a while. Nor would either man be able to avoid
the other unless they meditated the entire day away. Perhaps,
at last, he and Obi-Wan could work at what was straining their
relationship.
"Obi-Wan," he said, and watched his Padawan start at his voice
then tense up immediately. 'This is going to be difficult,' he
thought. "How do you feel this morning Padawan?" he asked
gently.
Obi-Wan remained facing away from his master; his head bowed
slightly, body rigid. "Fine Master. ashamed at my behavior last
evening. I'm sorry Master, I know better than to allow myself
to become intoxicated. A Jedi must be ever vigilant and alert,
I was not. It won't." Leave it to Obi-Wan to take away even his
chance to lecture. The younger man looked so incredibly guilty
and remorseful Qui-Gon lost all heart to lecture.
"Padawan," Qui-Gon interrupted softly, "do not make promise
that cannot be kept. This will not be the last time in your
life you miscalculate. Mistakes are a part of being human. Face
your errors and accept them. If you do this you learn from
them. Denying them will only make the next lesson that much
harder, and possibly that much more painful," he instructed
gently.
"You were with a. trusted friend, and in secure surroundings. I
was close by if you had need of me. You did not over-indulge
too greatly and remained in a secured place until you were not
nearly so intoxicated. Given all these factors, I would say you
handled yourself quite well and very maturely," Qui-Gon
finished.
"I. thank you Master," Obi-Wan replied, confused. Where was the
stern lecture? Obi-Wan moved to the kitchen area still trying
to puzzle out his Master's odd behavior. Again Obi-Wan began to
prepare a meal, this time to break their night's fast. For once
in his life, Obi-Wan was actually praying for an excuse to go
out into the cold. It was going to be a long day.
Breakfast finished and cleaned up, Qui-Gon turned his
attentions to the morning's reports from Coruscant. The reading
was dull and dry but Qui-Gon liked being able to stay on top of
the issues affecting the Republic. So he made himself ready
each report each morning - another lesson in patience and
control, he thought wryly, after reading a particularly tedious
report on grain shipments from Neroth. Out of the corner of his
eye he noticed Obi-Wan begin a basic warm-up exercise in the
large, bare area that had been requested as part of their
accommodations. The floor there had a slightly springy,
foam-like texture and there were no nearby objects that could
interfere with exercise or meditation. This made it an ideal
workout area for the Jedi.
Obi-Wan started off with a simple meditation and breathing
exercise to focus his thoughts and limber his body. He then
moved into the most basic of training exercises, the one used
by first year Padawans, called the Chudai. It was a slow, fluid
series of movements that blended together the basic defense
positions in 'saber battle. This allowed his muscles to further
loosen and warm to prepare for the more complicated series of
katas he now practiced on a daily basis.
With each level he competed, Obi-Wan shed more of his
consciousness, allowing his thoughts to run like water through
his mind. He was now performing katas with gravity-defying
leaps, jumps and somersaults. Sweat glistened as his body
flushed with exertion. He stopped long enough to remove his
outer tunics so he was left only in a thin undershirt and
breeches, and ignited his lightsaber to complete the final
level of exercise for today, the Gedan-Barai.
The Gedan was one of the most complicated katas in training. It
required total focus without thought. It was learned in
increments, then the movements repeated over and over until the
movements were no longer memory but instinct. This allowed for
a total acceptance of the living Force with no thought or
emotions interfering. It was a total communion with the Force,
where the Padawan would give himself up to the Force and trust
it to guide him. The Gedan was an exercise final year Padawans
had to master prior before being allowed to take their trials.
Obi-Wan was still five to seven years away from his trials and
yet he had been doing the Gedan for two years already, by
permission of his Master and the Council. Obi-Wan's inborn
weapons sense and strong gift of foresight made him a
formidable warrior, almost as good as Qui-Gon, which was why he
was allowed such advanced training. In weapons, Obi-Wan had
already achieved the skill level of a Jedi Knight; it was the
rest that still needed work.
The lightsaber picked up speed and momentum as Obi-Wan tumbled
and spun, leaped and jumped, until the saber blade was no more
than a blur of blue-white light. Then - abruptly - it was over.
The lightsaber powered down and Obi-Wan repeated the steps of
his first kata to complete the circle. Dropping tiredly to the
floor and into a meditative position, Obi-Wan felt physically
drained; his breath came in panting gasps, as he sought the
perfect serenity of the mind in order to complete the exercise.
'Force above he's beautiful,' Qui-Gon thought, having giving up
all pretense of reading the Coruscant reports as Obi-Wan sank
deeper and deeper into his exercises, becoming oblivious to the
outside world. Qui-Gon watched as the hard, sculpted muscles
rippled and shifted, watched the powerful calves and thighs
tense and release in perfectly controlled leaps.
It was an awesome sight, and it drove home the fact that
Obi-Wan was a youth no longer. He had the hard, chiseled body
of a man, a body full of feline grace and sensuality. It was a
body meant for sin and carnality, Qui-Gon thought, but it
housed a soul of the purest light. What a delightful
contradiction his beloved Padawan was.
Qui-Gon feared his that his immense control over his desires
would soon reach its breaking point. Perhaps this
weather-induced isolation was intentional. It was a test of his
control, he thought somewhat bemusedly. The situation would
either break him or drive him insane with desire. He had to do
something.
"Padawan, perhaps after the nooning meal we shall do the
parat-jala." Qui-Gon spoke suddenly. That exercise should
satisfactorily exhaust the both of them. But. Obi-Wan would
have to be in his mind. No - that wasn't a wise idea.
"Very well Master," came the calm reply. Qui-Gon winced
mentally, consigning himself to the hells of the Sith. This was
definitely not a good idea.
Not even the sun seemed to be able to break through the storm's
gloom as Master and Padawan prepared for the parat-jala, the
seeking of truth, in complete silence. They sat face to face in
lotus position on septsilk throw pillows in front of the large
picture window of their quarters. The blizzard cut off the
normally majestic view of Mount Zalas, the tallest peak in the
Selonian Ice Mountains. Instead, all that could be seen was a
wall of white, and all that could be heard was the howl of the
blizzard mixed with the crackle of the fire and the barely
perceptible breathing of each man.
"Are you prepared Padawan?" Qui-Gon inquired softly.
"Yes Master," came the immediate reply.
"Very well, begin." Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan levitated
himself, eyes closed and body relaxed, while still in the lotus
position. He halted his ascent about 4 feet off the ground.
Qui-Gon prepared himself for the next step of the parat-jala.
Deciding on an object, he focused on it and waited for Obi-Wan
to slip into the narrow window he left in his mental shields.
"Command the physical objective Padawan," came the command.
As easily as breathing Obi-Wan slipped inside the shields and
retrieved the objective. A delicate Alderaanian crystal rose
moved from its vase on the wall sconce, and danced in the air
next to the Padawan.
"Command the emotional objective Padawan," Qui-Gon ordered.
Once more Obi-Wan slipped inside and retrieved the objective,
all the while maintaining his own position as well as the
rose's. A soft smile played on his features when he examined
the emotion retrieved. "Pride - you are proud of me Master."
Qui-Gon returned the smile. He was proud of his talented
student. "Command the invisible objective Padawan."
Again Obi-Wan dipped his thoughts into Qui-Gon's, escaping with
the objective before Qui-Gon's shield could create an
impenetrable barrier. "The first time you took me to Ithor to
witness the gathering of the Star herds."
"Very good Obi-Wan. Are you ready for another round?" Qui-Gon
asked as he tried to shore up his slipping mental barriers.
"Yes Master."
"Good - command the physical Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon instructed.
Obi-Wan did as instructed and, delicately, Qui-Gon's hair tie
unraveled itself from his hair and hung suspended next to the
rose.
"Command the emotional." Before he could stop himself an
unguarded emotion flitted across the surface of Qui-Gon's mind
and he felt Obi-Wan enter his mind, seek and find that small
revelation. The objects in the air dipped a bit as Obi-Wan
absorbed the information, disseminated it and gave it a name.
"Sadness Master - you're sad that our time as Master and
Apprentice is growing short," Obi-Wan replied, wonder creeping
into his voice.
Shakily. "Command the invisible Padawan."
"This morning - you watched me as I trained." Something
skittered across the surface of Obi-Wan's mind, then was
snatched back. Something that made the rose dip dangerously and
the leather tie brush the ground. Something that almost forced
Obi-Wan out of his levitation. "Once more Master?" he asked,
not sure of what was happening but knowing it was important.
that this needed to continue.
Qui-Gon threw every ounce of mental strength he had into
reinforcing his shields as he once more ordered Obi-Wan,
"Command the physical."
A septsilk pillow was levitated and danced next to the rose and
the hair tie.
Qui-Gon felt his shields slip as mental fatigue began to set in
and a sudden image of Obi-Wan as he was this morning, flushed,
perspiring and glowing crept into his mind. It aroused him and
hardened his body, even as he issued the next order. "Command
the emotional Padawan,"
As fast as a striking Seeroc, Obi-Wan slipped inside before
Qui-Gon had a chance to bury the stray thought... and saw his
Master's desire laid bare. The suspended objects fell to the
floor abruptly.
Before Obi-Wan had a chance to complete the objective Qui-Gon
spoke. "Enough for today Obi-Wan, I have reports I must
finish." He needed to get away from his apprentice and rebuild
his shields immediately.
Obi-Wan didn't say a word, just gently replaced all the items
save his Master's hair tie and lowered himself to the floor.
Standing, he moved lithely to stand behind his still seated
Master. Before Qui-Gon could ask what he was doing, Obi-Wan had
gathered some of his Master's hair and began to wrap the
leather thong around it to secure it once more. Tying it off,
Obi-Wan bent down so that his lips were just brushing the shell
of Qui-Gon's ear.
"Desire, Master," he whispered seductively, then ran a velvety
tongue along the hot skin. "You felt desire...or me," Obi-Wan
all but purred.
"Desire, Master," he whispered seductively, then ran a velvety
tongue along the hot skin. "You felt desire... for me," Obi-Wan
all but purred.
Obi-Wan felt the brief flare of satisfaction as his master
started violently. It was a soothing balm to his wounded pride.
His Master had wanted him for as long as he had wanted Qui-Gon,
and yet he had pushed Obi-Wan away. But thanks to the
parat-jala Obi-Wan now knew Qui-Gon's little secret - and by
the Force, it may not be Jedi-like, but Obi-Wan intended to use
that knowledge to both their advantages!
"Padawan, this behavior is... dangerous." Qui-Gon tried to
admonish sternly - tried to but failed. He felt like a hunted
animal. It was as if a very hungry feline creature was stalking
him, and in fact, was. He had never seen Obi-Wan quite so...
aggressive, and found he liked it. Enough to let the events
unfolding play themselves out as the Force decreed, even though
he knew logically that he should stop this before it started.
The bond between the men flared to life and Qui-Gon was
inundated with all the fears, frustrations and longings his
Padawan had kept suppressed these past few years. The passion
that raged inside Obi-Wan nearly burned him alive. Qui-Gon
nearly drowned in the tidal wave of love and passion he felt
flooding from the other man.
Long silver-sand hair was pushed out of the way as a mouth
suctioned and teeth nipped on the flesh hidden beneath the
silky mass, causing Qui-Gon to shiver as an inferno began to
overwhelm his naturally cool reserve. His control began to melt
away in the heat, leaving him vulnerable and needy.
"Why is it dangerous Master?" came the seductive whisper, right
next to his ear. "What is so dangerous about loving one
another? Is it because you are the teacher and I, the student?
This has happened before and when it did the results made the
teacher-student bond either stronger or life-long."
Those lush lips now moved to suckle on and lave at the skin
where throat met shoulder, as verbal seduction switched to
mental. Is it dangerous because of our ages? You admit I am
an adult. The gray in your beard does not detract, it enhances
your masculine beauty. You are rugged and chiseled and sexy as
sin itself. Your age only feeds my want of you.
Hands slid around a firm waist and pulled Qui-Gon back against
a heavily aroused body. Even Obi-Wan's scent made the elder
Jedi think of sex. Is it dangerous because you think I lack
experience? What would you say if I told you I could do things
to you that would make even the most skilled pleasure boy blush
and look like a naïve stripling?
"Obi-Wan no... no more, I beg of you. It's too much, I can't, I
need..." the Jedi Master groaned almost incoherently.
The mobile mouth finally released wanton flesh only to return
to the perfect shell of an ear. "What is it? What do you need?
Tell me what you desire, Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan whispered before
gently biting down on the succulent flesh of an earlobe.
Hearing Obi-Wan speak his given name, whisper it like a lover
does, was too much for the hapless Jedi Master. His tenuous
control finally snapped under his apprentice's sensual assault
and his own ferocious desire. All protestations and excuses
faded, leaving only raw hunger and want behind.
Turning, Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan down into his lap in an attempt
to regain his lost equilibrium and wrest back control of
things. Obi-Wan was not about to let that happen. Straddling
Qui-Gon's legs, he pushed his master down to the cushion-strewn
floor. Obi-Wan covered Qui-Gon with his body, forcing the other
man to be still, to silently accept his domination this once.
Framing his master's face with his hands, Obi-Wan took in the
flushed skin, the erratic breathing, and the eyes that had
darkened from clear blue to the color of a midnight sky. He
felt a savage rush of pleasure at the power he had over his
master at this moment.
Bending down, Obi-Wan licked at Qui-Gon's lips, then feathered
kisses across a noble brow, down a patrician nose and over soft
eyelids. He heard Qui-Gon's breath catch and felt the increased
heartbeat beneath him. Their erection together through their
thin lounging breeches. Qui-Gon was hard and heavy... and
large. Obi-Wan's cock began to weep at the thought of that
massive shaft inside him - stroking him, pleasuring them both.
"You still haven't told me what you desire Qui-Gon," he purred
against his master's throat as he feasted on the hot flesh.
"You have to tell me what you want, else how will I know? Tell
me Master... do you want this? Want me? Or do you want me to
stop?"
"NO! - Force above, if you stop Obi-Wan, so help me..." Qui-Gon
exploded, head thrashing on the cushion beneath him, the
tension within him almost unbearable.
"Shhh... I won't stop Master, I promise... shhhh," Obi-Wan
cooed, gentling the other man. "I won't stop until we're both
weak from pleasure. Until we've generated enough heat to cut a
swathe through the blizzard outside, I promise you." His hands
moved quickly to strip off his own clothing, then more
leisurely to remove Qui-Gon's. Tunic first, then breeches and
undergarments, only to return to lie on the larger man's body
once more. Throbbing cock rubbed against weeping erection.
"What do you desire my Master - what do you want?"
"Obi-Wan... ~My~ Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon groaned. He could scarce
believe this was real. That he was lying naked under the most
excitingly erotic and untamed man he'd ever met. The man he
loved with a passion that bordered on pain.
"What, Master?" A seductive growl.
"You - I want ~you~ my Obi-Wan. Any and every way, forever,"
Qui-Gon moaned, oblivious to what he was saying. The pleasure
was so intense that it was all he could focus on, which was how
Obi-Wan wanted it.
This was more intoxicating than any alcohol, the ability to
turn his stoic, calm and reserved master into a bundle of
screaming nerves and begging desires. Qui-Gon was a vision of
hedonistic abandonment, his body tense with want, his head
thrown back - throat exposed and neck stretched tensely.
Obi-Wan could almost see the pulse beats of blood flowing
through his Master's veins.
He, Obi-Wan Kenobi, had turned the greatest living Jedi Warrior
into a pleading wanton. He fervently hoped that the favor would
be returned soon, but for now - it was his turn to play.
Obi-Wan began to drive his lover over the edge of sanity. He
started at the elegant, mobile lips and worked his way down a
strong column of throat to the hollow at its base, across each
of the large shoulders and hewn collarbones, laving and
sucking, licking and biting. Working his way down a powerful
chest to taut male nipples, Obi-Wan spent long minutes teasing
the rosy brown distended flesh. He suckled and licked and bit
down gently, teasingly. Obi-Wan listened to his Master's ragged
breathing and moans of need with darkling pleasure.
Moving down further, Obi-Wan worshipped Qui-Gon's rock hard
stomach - peppering it with kisses and little licks, dipping
his tongue time and again into the small indentation of navel.
He nosed his way down to the furring of sandy curls that framed
a massive and erect organ with two large jewels beneath it.
Wanting to keep the elder man off guard and out of control,
Obi-Wan took in a great breath then plunged his mouth down,
swallowing Qui-Gon completely, tightening his throat muscles as
he did. Qui-Gon bucked and arched and howled in startled
ecstasy as Obi-Wan's well-controlled throat muscles milked him.
One of Obi-Wan's hands began to pet and play with Qui-Gon's
balls, while the other reached underneath to tickle and tease
the portal of his anus, finally sliding inside the hot opening
to caress his prostate, sending lightening bolts of pleasure
along already scorched nerves. It was too much for the Jedi
Master. With a strangled roar Qui-Gon came, flooding Obi-Wan's
mouth with his essence. Obi-Wan swallowed rapidly, savoring the
pearly fluid that slid down his throat. He continued to suckle
his Master until Qui-Gon was completely flaccid, and only then
released him, smiling almost ferally as he did so.
Watching the beloved face of his lover as he lay stunned and
spent on the floor, Obi-Wan continued to slide a slick finger
in and out of that sweetest of openings, adding another and yet
another finger, stretching and loosening tight muscles,
preparing Qui-Gon. He watched with intense pleasure as
Qui-Gon's breath sped up again, the sensations engendered by
Obi-Wan's fingers beginning to fire his arousal once more.
Qui-Gon's chest rose and fell like a bellows, his head thrashed
back and forth. By the Force above, Obi-Wan had not been
speaking idly when he had claimed knowledge that would make a
Coruscant pleasure boy look like an innocent. Qui-Gon's body
was quickly re-awakening, even after a planet shattering
orgasm. He found that he craved more and more of his
apprentice's addictive touch. He never wanted these feelings to
end.
"My Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon moaned, restlessly.
"Yes my Master? How may I serve you?" Obi-Wan inquired
silkily, moving up to place a hot kiss on his lover's mouth,
thrusting his tongue inside, mimicking a more intimate act as
well as to share Qui-Gon's taste with him.
"Be inside me my Obi-Wan. I want to feel you..." Qui-Gon
groaned as his body began to heave and shudder once more. He
was hard again, and empty... so achingly empty.
"Yesssss," Obi-Wan hissed passionately into the shell of his
ear. "Oh yes Qui-Gon. You will feel me, I promise..."
Everything the Jedi apprentice had ever dreamed of was being
offered to him openly and freely, and he'd be damned for a Sith
if he didn't take that offering.
Moving between the powerful thighs of his love, Obi-Wan took
Qui-Gon's strong calves and, kissing each one in turn, placed
them on his shoulders. He stroked his own shaft, spreading the
weeping moisture over the engorged flesh so that it added to
the already existing lubrication. He guided his throbbing
erection to Qui-Gon's entrance and, eyes locking with his
lover's, began to push into Qui-Gon's receptive body inch by
luscious inch.
"Force, you feel so good Master. You hold me so tightly within
you!" Obi-Wan groaned out as he began to thrust, slowly at
first, gradually picking up speed. Deep blue eyes bored into
sea-blue, merging and becoming one. Qui-Gon's mouth opened in a
soundless moan as his fists clenched tightly on the cushion
above his head. Obi-Wan wrapped a strong hand around Qui-Gon's
straining cock and began to stroke his lover in time to his
thrusts. Both the pistoning of Obi-Wan's hips and his hand sped
up as he felt his body began to tighten and prepare for
release.
Qui-Gon's body undulated beneath his lover's and perspiration
turned his tan skin golden, while Obi-Wan's took on the sheen
of moon-drenched pearls. "More my Obi-Wan, more. Go harder,
deeper... I want you to..." Qui-Gon begged shamelessly.
Nothing in the universe could compare to this feeling of total
possession by the one he loved most, his beautiful one.
Obi-Wan, my Obi-Wan, the mental touch caressed. Shields
were dropped and barriers removed as two minds twined and
merged. In the white-hot solstice of passion two souls became
one new and complete entity, joined together eternally.
Both men became the possessed and the possessor, both thrust
and received. Their mental joining kept each feeling the
other's pleasure until it became too much. In a crescendo of
passion and pleasure, and a love so intense it surpassed the
howling fury of the storm outside, both men reached their
orgasms together, crying out their joy to the heavens.
Obi-Wan withdrew and collapsed onto his master's frame, only to
be enfolded in strong arms and soothed like a fretful babe.
Tears began to stream unchecked down his face and onto the
heaving softness of the chest that cushioned his cheek as his
emotions spiraled out of control. "Shhh Obi-Wan, be still
beloved... shhhh..." Qui-Gon cooed, while trying to control his
own rapidly pounding heart.
"Master... I..." Obi-Wan didn't know what he wanted to say,
what he was feeling. He was storm-tossed on a sea of confused
emotions.
"Did you enjoy being aggressive my love?" Qui-Gon asked
quietly. "You needed to be dominant this first time, did you
not? It was a balance to the fact that I must be dominant in
our every day life. Truth be told Obi-Wan - I enjoyed not being
the one in control. That is not to say that I will not enjoy a
reversal of roles. In fact, I am quite looking forward to it,"
Qui-Gon chuckled softly.
Obi-Wan raised his head to stare into his Master's beloved
eyes, searching for answers to questions he couldn't yet ask.
"I... yes. Force above I enjoyed it, being in control. I've
wanted you for so long and to find out that you wanted me too,
but were unwilling to act on it..."
"Not unwilling my Obi-Wan, afraid. I have been your teacher for
over half your life. Although the Council does not frown upon
it, neither is what we have done encouraged. If the bond is not
true there is a chance of great harm. The Master/Padawan
relationship must always come first. And I did not realize how
you felt, so I was reluctant to chance losing even a small
place in your heart," Qui-Gon revealed.
"Small... small place?! Qui-Gon, you are my heart, do
you not realize it? Do you know what I did last night? I talked
about you! About how much I loved you, how this was slowly
killing me - my being with you and yet not. The reason I've
been shutting you out, I've been cold and distant is because
I've been afraid that you'd find out and be disappointed
in me - worse yet disgusted," Obi-Wan groused.
Letting out a great laugh of joy, Qui-Gon rolled them over so
that he was on top and Obi-Wan sprawled beneath him. "Hear me
and hear me well my impudent one. I love you with ever
fiber of my being. You are mine Obi-Wan Kenobi. Just as
I am yours. You may worry me but you will never truly
disappoint me and definitely never disgust me. You are
my heart!" Qui-Gon exclaimed, bending to gently savage
the seductive lips beneath him.
"Master," Obi-Wan sighed happily.
"My name, say my name Obi-Wan. When we are together like this -
just the two of us, call me by my name," Qui-Gon asked,
suddenly needing to hear his given name on the lips of his
lover once more.
"Qui-Gon." Obi-Wan complied happily, gazing up into deep blue
eyes filled with love.
"Can we continue this in the shower, Qui-Gon? I'm feeling
somewhat sticky," he continued. Obi-Wan's eyes sparkled with
merriment as he burst out laughing at the look on his Master's
face.
"Oh - don't stop," Qui-Gon sighed blissfully. Obi-Wan cocked
his head, puzzled by the request, an eyebrow raised in silent
question. "Don't stop sparkling my Obi-Wan. Don't stop laughing
or teasing or playing. I've missed it so. You've been so somber
and serious these past few years. I've missed my playful
Obi-Wan fiercely."
"I didn't realize," Obi-Wan whispered, only just beginning to
understand how deeply each had been affected by the other's
emotional withdrawal. "All I saw was you becoming more distant
and letting me withdraw as well. Never again let me do that,
never again let me hide my emotions away!" Obi-Wan demanded
passionately, eyes flashing. "Now that we've found each other
this way, I refuse to go back to what we were before. I won't
lose you!"
"Shhh... be serene my Obi-Wan, you won't loose me. And I won't
let you go. I promise," Qui-Gon pledged, comforting his lover.
"Now what was this about a shower?" he asked, getting to his
feet and pulling his Obi-Wan up with him. "It sounds like a
marvelous idea. The sooner we refresh ourselves the sooner we
can crawl between the clean sheets of our bed and commence
getting sticky all over again." A wicked gleam accompanied the
Master's provocative statement.
A crystal clear laugh, full of love and light, rang through the
cabin. This was how love was supposed to be. This was... how it
felt to be one with the Force, and complete.
That night under soft covers and in the glow of firelight, with
the storm now dying, Qui-Gon did have his turn. Where Obi-Wan
had been fire and passion, aggression and heat, Qui-Gon was
quiet sensuality and controlled eroticism. He spent hours
teasing and arousing, driving his love to the edge of sanity
and back again. When he finally entered Obi-Wan's beloved body,
Obi-Wan cried out and came within seconds. Too long had he been
on the saber's edge of desire.
Youth did have great advantages though, and as Qui-Gon
continued his measured thrusts, constantly brushing against his
lover's prostate, Obi-Wan once more felt the burn of arousal.
Soon Qui-Gon sped his tempo, moving faster and harder until
once more souls touched and joined.
Fire raced along nerves as Qui-Gon claimed his beloved's mouth
in a truly carnal kiss, driving them both over the edge of
splendor. Heartbeats slowed and breathing evened out. Arms
wrapped around strong, damp bodies and sleep claimed the final
victory of the night, wrapping both men in its embrace.
"So you survived the blizzard alone with your venerable Jedi
Master, Obi." Malak teased his friend lightheartedly during a
break in the talks. As Malak watched, a smile bright enough to
block out the sun spread over his friend's face. There was no
mistaking that kind of joy. Malak felt in awe of it and more
than a little jealous that he had not been the one to put it
there.
Glancing at the venerable Jedi Master, he saw the very same
smile grace that face as well. The Jedi Master was reacting to
the joy he felt from his lover. "Yeah - I guess you did survive
the blizzard my friend - be happy Obi-Wan Kenobi, and always
remember you are loved."
"Yes I am. I finally figured that out my friend. The storm
brought me twofold joy. It gave me a whole-hearted friend and
it helped me to find the whole of my heart. I am a lucky man."
Obi-Wan gave Malak a fierce hug and a hard kiss. "Never forget
that you too are loved... and always my friend."
The bells rang signaling the end of the break, and Malak
returned to the Corellian delegation's area. But before
entering, he looked back one last time at a love lost and a
friend found.
The venerable Jedi Master was touching that handsome cheek in a
manner so intimate, so full of love, that even jealousy faded.
How could he not have seen it before? They were not two Jedi
Knights, one master and one apprentice. They were one heart,
one soul in two bodies. They were flash and fury, calmness and
clarity. Together Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi were the
storm, and they were also the peace that followed. They were
balance.
Malak Neewan felt his heart lighten and his soul expand. It was
not every day that one could have the honor of witnessing the
birth of love.
Archive 