Master Apprentice
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Morning came, as mornings tend to do. Obi-Wan woke up feeling very disorientated and the large room that was his new bedroom, with a good sized bed, crisp clean white sheets, comfortable mattress and a large window, did not help the matter. How had he managed to get so lucky? Tears burned in his eyes. The tall gentleman, Master Jinn as he'd learned last night, had been so unbelievably nice and kind. Generous even. This room was huge compared to the little space he used to occupy. It was so rich and fine, though maybe not as richly made out as the rest of the huge Manor House he only saw slightly last night. He'd fallen into good hands, and truly felt he did not deserve such luxuries or warm friendliness he'd gotten. He'd been allowed a bath. The dresser was huge and made of such beautiful wood, the craftsmanship was exquisite, and it even had a mirror, much bigger then his own little piece. He almost felt like royalty.
He felt a little reluctant to pull his old clothes on, but they were all he had. He gave them a tentative sniff and grimaced. While in some way he was glad to be having new, fresh clothes, he already was very aware of how poor he was and was supremely aware that he already owed Master Jinn quite a bit and was resolved to work hard, learn quickly and earn the gamble Master Jinn had taken in hiring him as a stable hand. A quite honourable job, even more so for one such as him. A bastard son of unknown past or heritage.
It was very lucky that, for some reason, Qui-Gon thought that he, some orphaned bastard, was good enough to be placed as a stable hand. Obi-Wan would of been quite content to be given a maid's job. Though it was a woman's job, he knew he wasn't entitled to any better. The thing that really astonished him was that he wasn't just any stable hand, he was the stable hand for an obviously rich, well off gentleman, and that was a high honour indeed. If he earned a good enough reputation, he could be a man of some esteem in a few years.
He turned at the sound of a knock and went to answer the door to see one of the servants. He gave a smile. 'Yes?' he asked.
'Breakfast is ready and after that, you will be measured for your new clothes.'
The hair on Obi-Wan's neck prickled. He hated being measured. He could withstand the tape on him, but he hated how close the person measuring had to get. He knew most seamstresses knew how not to actually touch a person they were measuring. That didn't mean Obi- Wan had to like it. He could have sworn that the people measured him regularly for new uniforms at the orphanage just because they knew how much he hated it.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and nodded. He had a new chance here to really have a respectful job with a good employer. He did not want to ruin that, not for anything.
Qui-Gon smiled at his reflection as Dean fixed up his jacket and straightened his tie. 'Thank you Dean.' Qui-Gon gave a nod to his butler.
'If it is not to bold of me to ask, Master Jinn, but the whole manor is a wild fire of gossip over your new servant. You have a particular interest in him, yes?'
Qui-Gon looked at the man. All of his permanent employees knew him for what he was, a lover of men. All of them had learned to adjust to their Master's ways and those who'd been here the longest, like Dean, knew how to tell when Qui-Gon had a particular interest in a man. They had also learned not to be shy about addressing him over it, making sure they knew where they stood and how the man in question stood in Qui-Gon's eyes. Qui-Gon gave a slight sigh. It could be handy, but also a bit of a nuisance when his servants seemed to end up knowing more about his love life then he did half the time.
'Is it that obvious?' he said after a moment.
Dean gave a small smile, grey eyes twinkling. 'You hired a nobody from nowhere in particular, whose stunning looks have all unattached and even attached women drooling. You've given him the best servant room you have, let him sit next to you for dinner, and you had that certain look in your eyes, along with the way you spoke to him, and your body language. All of it speaks that you want this man for something more then a stable hand.'
Qui-Gon looked at Dean a moment. 'Yes, I can't deny I'm attracted to him. Whether that will be returned or not has yet to be discovered.'
'Shall I let the others know then, that you have an eye for him and they should consider him already taken?'
Qui-Gon paused. 'You may, and would you also tell them to avoid physically touching him? He is strangely averse to being touched. I'm edgy about having him measured for his uniform, since he dislikes it so much.'
'Some past abuse do you think, Master?' Dean asked, looking him straight in the eye.
Qui-Gon felt his back prickle. Of all the reasons he'd had whirling in his mind about it, that one had not entered his thoughts. His throat locked as his heart froze. As much as he didn't like to think it, he realized that for someone like Obi-Wan, that could be all too possible and his behaviour was such that it most certainly could not be ruled out. Indeed it suddenly seemed a very conceivable cause. 'Perhaps. I don't know for sure, but it is very plausible that he could have suffered some abuse at some stage.'
'You really do have a soft heart for the hard luck cases, Master Jinn.' Dean grasped his shoulder a moment and stepped back. 'Ready for breakfast now?'
Qui-Gon looked at himself a moment and nodded.
He got down to the dining table to find the servants mingling uncertainly and quickly realized that Obi-Wan, and where he fitted, was largely in part to do with that. Normally the most important staff sat nearest to him, with the helpers and temporary staff being sat at the lower end. But Obi-Wan had them up in the air. Not knowing where the young man figured in the ranks made them uncertain. Qui-Gon looked at them. Well this was the moment of truth, and the sooner they knew where Obi-Wan stood in his view, the better. Normally the one who ran his manor and estates in his absence, Edmund, got to sit to his immediately left.
'Edmund, if you would sit just one seat down from normal for Obi-Wan please.' he said calmly, knowing he just stated to his staff his intentions toward Obi-Wan. He'd just answered their questions and they knew that he, their Master, had claimed Obi-Wan for himself first; meaning to make Obi-Wan his companion, partner, lover. They all silenced at once and seated themselves accordingly, accepting his decision with out complaint or argument, as they had being trained. He couldn't help but notice some of the younger female maids were quite put out though, probably hoping to catch Obi-Wan themselves. When Obi-Wan came, Qui-Gon quickly motioned him to come sit by him. The young man sat down, probably completely unaware of what it meant to be sitting by his left side.
'Did you have a good sleep Obi-Wan?' he asked softly as one of the kitchen hands dealt the food.
'Yes sir, Master Jinn.' Obi-Wan said hurriedly.
'Didn't I say you could call me sir, if you preferred?'
'I, it doesn't seem right to call my employer sir.' Obi-Wan blurted.
Qui-Gon smiled at him. 'What ever you feel comfortable with, Obi- Wan. I personally don't mind being called sir.' Qui-Gon flashed a look down the table. His other servants looked away with a slight nod. He knew that they knew it did not apply to them. Obi-Wan had being given a privilege he would not allow them.
Breakfast was quickly over and Qui-Gon began to dread the part that came next. Getting Obi-Wan measured up for his new uniform. He spotted Dean talking to the seamstress quietly and knew his butler was telling her of his concerns about Obi-Wan being measured and his dislike of touch. Qui-Gon straightened slightly, preparing for whatever came. He stood with the seamstress as Obi-Wan came in, looking a touch fearful.
'Obi-Wan, this is Janine, she'll measure you. I trust her completely.'
Obi-Wan hesitated and Qui-Gon could see him preparing himself, small beads of sweat showing on the elegant forehead. He then stepped determinedly before the middle aged woman.
Janine gave a warm smile. 'Arms up, please. I heard your taking Gary's place. Silly boy ran away to his uncle's last week. I suppose if my uncle had as much money as his, I wouldn't have to worry about establishing a respectable job record either.' Janine said in a friendly way as she quickly snapped the tape around in a crisp respectable manor that showed its professionalism. Obi-Wan seemed to baring up well, accepting the tape measure if not Janine. The young man was visibly trembling and flinching; strictly controlled terror hovered in his eyes, his face taut and strained. Qui-Gon wasn't sure how much Obi-Wan could take and still the measuring went on.
Finally Janine stepped back. 'Done.' she announced.
Obi-Wan took two shaky steps forwards before crashing to his knees. Deeply concerned, Qui-Gon knelt in front of him, wanting to touch him, comfort him, but unable to do so. 'Obi-Wan? Are you all right?' he asked softly.
Obi-Wan wordlessly nodded, his hands clenching and unclenching slightly as shivers and tremors quivered the broad shoulders of the young man.
'What can I do to help?'
Obi-Wan stayed as he was, recollecting himself most likely. Finally the strained face looked up; the eyes had regained some of their measure of calm. 'I'm fine, really.' With that Obi-Wan hauled himself back up onto his feet. He seemed worn and weary and still shaky, but other than that, he was fine.
Qui-Gon rose as well and looked at him a long moment. 'Are you sure?' Qui-Gon asked questioningly.
Obi-Wan nodded resolutely. 'I am quite sure sir.'
Qui-Gon gave a sigh. Obviously Obi-Wan had learned to cover up his weakness and press on, stubbornly pretending nothing was wrong and giving his employers no added trouble. He suspected Obi-Wan had a rather wide stubborn streak in him which would probably prove to make his life interesting. 'All right go down to the stable and report to the Stable Master.' Qui-Gon nodded and let Obi-Wan quickly leave with a worried frown. It may prove tougher to get through Obi-Wan then he'd imagined. The young man had learned to block and hide too well, erecting a thick wall barrier about him, hiding himself inside.
Obi-Wan was working the leather as Tony had shown him; working methodically to scrub and rub lotion into the horses leather harnesses and saddles. The work was calming on his nerves and he found himself relaxing in the warm sunshine with the dusty grain field smell in the air that spoke of a farm. He looked up as the soft sound of horses' hooves thudded into the soft earth, seeing a lone, well dressed rider canter, and then trot toward the stable. The man of about forty-eight was very well dressed in his top hat, long leather riding boots, full attire and neatly presented horse. Tony, the Stable Master quickly hurried out to the strange man and the horse was halted not far from the stable. Rising from his seat, Obi-Wan went out to join Tony, But paused when Tony spotted him and gestured for him to stop.
Tony brought the brilliant white horse over to him. 'It is not proper for you the approach a nobleman without your uniform. I shall deal with the gentleman. You put the horse away.' Tony held out the reins. Obi-Wan took them carefully, away from Tony's hand.
Obi-Wan gave a nod and did as he was told, aware of Tony taking the nobleman around to the manor's front door. Well, it was his first day; he had a lot to learn. The way of farmers were very different to the way of noble blood and he knew little of protocol. He was a poor man, a bastard on top of that. He was lucky to have this job at all and if he wanted respect he would have to earn it. To do that he'd best do the best possible job he could. So he began with watering the horse and walking her around slowly to cool her down properly so her muscles wouldn't seize up later. Then he walked her into a clean stall and unsaddled her and began to rub her down.
'Hello there.' Startled, Obi-Wan looked up from his work to see a tall nobleman, very like Master Jinn in appearance, although older and clean shaven, on top of a large black horse. He looked very fine in his dark jacket and trousers and blue doublet. 'You must be quite new; haven't even gotten fitted with a uniform yet. I'm Qui-Gon's older brother, Dylan.' The man held out his hand.
Obi-Wan bowed but did not take the hand. 'I am honoured, my Lord. I'm afraid Stable Master Tony is occupied with another noble to whom this horse belongs.'
'Your voice betrays you as a commoner. Do you not know protocol?'
'Not very well, my Lord. I've had very little contact with anyone of noble blood before I met with Lord Qui-Gon Jinn.'
'Well, I'm sure you'll learn soon enough. You seem to be acquitting your speech well enough in any matter.' The tall Lord moved as if to get off his horse.
Obi-Wan moved to open the stall and steady the Lord's horse. Feeling the white horse shift behind him, he quickly slapped the horse's rump to stop her from kicking him. 'Stop that.' The horse stilled in surprise and he left her alone in the stall. He moved to hold the black stallion steady, looking up as the Lord seemed to be taking his time.
Clear cut dark blue eyes looked at him. 'Where did you learn that? I know that horse; she has a reputation for kicking out from behind.'
'Farmers trick.' Obi-Wan shrugged as he took the horse's reins, holding the black stallion steady. He'd always had a way with animals. Even the farmers admitted he seemed to have a certain knack with them.
'Interesting.' The tall gentleman stepped down from his horse.
The moment Obi-Wan saw him approach, he quickly coaxed the horse forward to cut him off. The older Lord Jinn had to step back to avoid being trodden on by the heavy hooves. 'I'll put him away from the mare; she'll be in mating season soon.' Obi-wan put the stallion into a stable and closed the door.
'Wait, what's your name?'
'Obi-Wan.' Obi-Wan said neutrally, humming loudly enough to make the other man feel like he was interrupting, a skill he'd mastered to keep anyone from trying to be friendly toward him. Working methodically and patiently with a degree of slowness that made it look like he was working hard without really accomplishing a great deal, hoping the man would get bored and go away. There was a pause before finally the man turned away. 'You're doing a fine job. I'll go and tell Qui-Gon how well you seem to be doing.' The man walked away.
Obi-Wan gave a sigh and removed the saddle; glad the man had gone, but feeling bad he'd done that to Lord Qui-Gon Jinn's older brother. He seemed nice enough, but that was half the problem. Obi- Wan had a natural distrust of anyone who seemed too friendly.
Qui-Gon sat in the study trying to talk to Lord Graystone when there was a knock at the door. His head housekeeper poked her nose in.
'I'm sorry, Master Jinn, but your older brother is here.'
Qui-Gon quickly rose from his chair. 'Will you excuse me please, Lord Graystone?'
'Certainly, Lord Jinn.' The stuffy noble bowed his head.
Qui-Gon stepped out of his study and quickly spotted Dylan. With a warm smile, he went over and gave him a warm hug. 'Dylan, brother, so glad to see you.' he welcomed his older brother.
'Good to see you too, Qui-Gon.' His older brother clapped him on the back before stepping back with a warm smile. 'You seem to have collected a new staff member as well.'
Qui-Gon read the question in his brother's eyes and took him into a nearby room and sat him down. 'How is he doing?' Qui-Gon leaned forward.
Dylan frowned. 'There is something about the way he acted, like he wanted to get away from me and get rid of me as soon as possible. I could have sworn he deliberately cut me off by moving my horse between him and me. All I wanted to do was shake his hand. Then, when I tried to strike up further conversation, he made it clear he wasn't interested. More interested in my horse.' Dylan gave his head a shake.
Qui-Gon sighed. 'You must have somehow made him defensive; threatened his personal space.'
'Oh, now it's my fault. Thanks Qui-Gon.' Dylan scowled.
'I didn't mean it like that. Obi-Wan -- well it seems quite feasible he has been abused sometime in the past.'
Dylan's face paled and he gave a nod in understanding. 'So he was protecting himself.' Dylan spoke his new understanding.
'Most likely. He is extremely adverse to touch. It was hard watching him tolerate being measured for his uniform this morning.' Qui-Gon shuddered slightly at the memory.
'That could be a problem. As a noble blood I have a right to be helped down from my steed. Obi-Wan can claim he doesn't know the right protocol for now, but not for long.'
'I'm going to have to find a way around that problem.' Qui-Gon frowned.
'He probably saw that he was expected to do something he isn't prepared to do, which is why he became defensive.'
'At least he seems competent enough with the animals. Lord Graystone's horse tried to kick him but he stopped her in her tracks before she even lifted a hoof. He used some farmers trick on her; a bit unorthodox but it worked. What sort of work did he do before this?'
'What didn't he do.' Qui-Gon smiled. 'He's a jack-of-all-trades and a Master at none. Except doing the work of a maid. Obi-Wan is a Master at that.'
'A maid? That is hardly the work of a man!' Dylan's disapproval was clear. Qui-Gon smiled gently. 'A man no, but his former Master seemed to think it was good enough for a orphaned bastard.'
Dylan's surprise was clear, and he gave a shake of the head. 'You really know how to pick them don't you, Qui?' Dylan said with a note of amusement. 'You collect people like him as a hobby, I swear.'
'As my butler said to me this morning, I have a soft heart for hard luck cases.'
'Yes, and you're butler happens to be one of them if I remember correctly. Where did you pick this one up from?'
'Siliam. One of the carriages snapped it's axle and we had to stop there for the night. We stayed at the only place that had accommodation; the place where Obi-Wan worked. In a small town, visitors are rare so beds are minimal. Poor Obi-Wan had to fit a party of twenty in a place which already had five other guests by my guess, in a place which only had eighteen rooms all up. Twelve of us had to pair up, and seven got single rooms.'
'Hang on, twelve and seven does not equal twenty.' Dylan frowned.
'No, I didn't find out until the next morning that I had gotten Obi- Wan's own bed. I don't think he slept at all during the night.'
'So, for that you gave him a job.' Dylan nodded slightly.
'That's part of the reason, yes.' Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully.
'Excuse me, Master Jinn.' Simone, one of his maids poked her head in. 'It's time for lunch.'
'Thank you, Simone.' Qui-Gon answered.
'I expect to be told the rest of the reason after lunch.' Dylan told him.
Qui-Gon smiled slightly. 'I suspect you'll know the reason soon enough.' They headed out to the Dining Hall to find Lord Graystone and most of his staff already seated; his kitchen staff somehow fitting two extra chairs around the long table. Qui-Gon sat down at the head and Dylan sat down in the seat Obi-Wan occupied last night. When Obi-Wan came in, Qui-Gon noticed his hesitancy when he saw Dylan in his seat and Tony directing him where to sit. Obi-Wan looked uncertain, but came and sat next to Dylan. Dylan gave him a questioning look, except a different kind of question was on his mind now. Qui-Gon nodded slightly in response and Dylan sat back thoughtfully, glancing at Obi-Wan.
'Do you want to tell me why you have come?' Qui-Gon decided to change the topic for lunch.
A look of sadness crossed Dylan's face. 'It's about Father.' Was the soft reply.
Qui-Gon sucked in a breath, fear thudding in his chest. 'How is he?' Deep concern coloured his voice.
Dylan bowed his head. 'Worse. The doctor doesn't believe it will be long before I inherit his holdings in Gil'millo.' Qui-Gon closed his eyes as emotions flooded over him. 'I've sent a message to Reginald to come here to you. You will tell him what is happening. Our sisters are already at the manor. I know Reginald doesn't want to return home, making his own way through life as he has always wanted, but we all would like him to be there to be with Father one last time and offer support to our mother. And you as well. The will has already been written. I know you will keep this manor, Reginald will receive some money since he never wanted anything from our parents, and I will inherit Father's manor. Each of our sisters will get money and family heirlooms will be divided between the eight of us.'
Qui-Gon nodded slowly. 'So I must wait here until Reginald comes then.'
'I'm afraid so. Each of us has respected Reginald's wish to go his separate way and if I asked him to go directly to Father's manor, he wouldn't come. He wanted to make a name for himself by his own credentials, not because he was the second son of Lord Vincent Jinn. Sending him here to you increases the chances he will at least come here and find out that Father is sick. Whether he comes to Father's manor or not is entirely up to him.'
Qui-Gon sighed accepting the necessity of remaining. 'I will stay then.' He agreed slowly.
'Thank you.' Dylan squeezed his hand. 'I know I am asking a difficult thing of you. Reginald deserves the chance to know. I didn't dare write to tell him, only to tell him to come here. It was the best I could do.'
Qui-Gon nodded, knowing as Dylan did that Reginald worked as an undercover agent for the King. Reginald had gone far, even after separating himself from the Jinn name. He was much loved by siblings and parents alike. Each respected Reginald's choice to do what he wanted; just as each family member respected and loved him for being gay. He had a good family, a family that understood and accepted each members right to follow their dreams and wishes. 'How is Mother fairing up?' Qui-Gon asked softly.
'As well as can be expected. You might want to know Bethany is expecting again.'
Qui-Gon brightened at that news. 'She is? This is the third isn't it?'
'Yes. With two daughters, she is hoping for a son. The family thinks it rather ironic that she wants him to take after her favorite brother.'
'Me? I doubt her husband takes well to that idea.' Qui-Gon smiled slightly.
'Not exactly. Nothing against you or anything but, you know.' Dylan glanced at his staff, uncertain how much they knew.
'He wants his son to marry and carry on the line.' Qui-Gon fixed his dilemma.
'Exactly.' Dylan nodded. 'Though Reginald and me haven't done much better. We aren't married either. I believe Mother is going to pick a bride for me before Father dies.' Dylan managed to say the dreaded word with only a tense hesitation and a slight quaver.
'Well, you are the eldest son. That isn't uncommon and the Jinn line must be continued.'
'Yes, with Reginald denying his family name and the unlikelyhood of you marrying some pretty girl, the responsibility lies on my shoulders to produce the next heir.'
'Best of luck.' Qui-Gon smiled.
'As much as the parents want all of us happy, even their limits can be stretched.' Dylan said wryly.
'I doubt when they had three sons, they thought they would have trouble getting a grandson to continue the Jinn line.' Qui-Gon remarked.
'Probably not.' Dylan agreed with a smile. 'But life rarely turns out how you think.'
Qui-Gon nodded as the lunch plates where taken away; most of his staff had already gone. As soon as the plates were taken, Tony rose and indicated Obi-Wan to come back to work. Qui-Gon gave Dylan a nod and they went back to the study. Dylan sat across from him and looked at him. 'So you're attracted to Obi-wan.' he said after a moment of reflection. 'To the point of stating your intentions to your other staff.'
Qui-Gon gave a nod. 'From the moment I saw him, I felt an attraction.'
'What about him?' Dylan leaned forward.
Qui-Gon shook his head. 'I wish I knew. He is so closed off, I'm finding it impossible to figure out if he even shares my interest in men. Normally I can tell if a person is one way or another. With him, he hides his body language so tightly, controlling his natural reactions and movements to the point where I can tell nothing.'
'A result of his earlier abuse?' Dylan asked intently.
Qui-Gon sighed, shoulders sagging. 'I believe so. He reacts badly at any attempt to touch him; tightening himself up even more. He is so very skilled at hiding and keeping himself walled up, I fear I will never be able to break through.'
'You've known him what? A few days? He hardly knows you.'
'I know. It's just so frustrating not being able to tell whether I have a chance with him.'
'You've always being good at figuring people out just by watching their body language, it's some how comforting to know you're failing just a badly this time as us normal men .'
'Thanks a lot, Dylan.' Qui-Gon scowled.
'Give it time, Qui. Get to know him, and let him get to know you. He seems nice enough if a bit standoffish. The better you know him, the more that will change. Not that I'm that able to judge, but living with five sisters and you I think I'm able enough to say he's reasonably attractive.' Dylan grinned.
'Reasonably attractive?' Qui-Gon said with a note of disbelief. 'Any of our sisters will tell you he is absolutely gorgeous. For a moment I thought I would have to fight over him with my younger female staff.'
'I will have to rely on your word here.' Dylan smiled. 'You, of course, have been captivated by him and infatuated with him.'
Qui-Gon flushed. 'My feelings have never steered me wrong and right now they are telling me that if Obi-Wan does happen to accept my attentions to him, I could have with him something I haven't had since Edward died.' Qui-Gon explained. Dylan face softened and he smiled gently. 'You're intuition has never being wrong and for your sake, I hope you are right. I know how much Edward meant to you.'
Qui-Gon nodded in thanks. 'Sometimes I still miss him.'
'You loved him, of course you miss him.' Dylan told him. 'Now I really ought to head back, I don't like to leave Father for very long. I just came to tell you to watch for Reginald and come to Father's Manor when you can.'
Qui-Gon nodded sadly and rose from his chair. 'Thank you, brother.' He hugged Dylan closely.
'Just come as soon as you can.' Dylan told him.
'Of course.' Qui-Gon stepped back and opened the study door, letting Dylan precede him before following him down to the stables. Spotting Tony, Qui-Gon brought him over. 'Re-saddle Dylan's horse Tony.' he ordered.
'Yes, Master Jinn.' Tony scuttled off.
Arriving outside the stables, Qui-Gon turned to his brother. 'It shouldn't take long. I wish you didn't have to go so soon.'
'Same here, Qui-Gon. I would have liked to have stayed the night at least, but I must head home.'
'I know.' Qui-Gon glanced to see Obi-Wan bring out the large black and tie him up.
Dylan turned to see what he was looking at. 'Ah, I should have known.' Dylan smiled when he saw Obi-Wan. 'Would you mind me telling our parents of your new love interest? I think both would find some comfort in knowing at least one of their sons has a potential partner in mind. Even if he is male. I think both are worried that you'd never find love again.'
Qui-Gon nodded watching Obi-Wan ready the horse, a puppy following behind his heels. Qui-Gon had to smile. It didn't surprise him that Obi-Wan had pulled this puppy under his wing. Picked on by older siblings and cousins, it was the runt of the litter. Obi-Wan moved confidently as he worked with Dylan's horse; with hands sure and steady, calming the black horse with familiar ease. Obi-Wan didn't seem a bit worried about touching the horse, nor by the horses excited antics. With animals at least, Obi-Wan seemed comfortable and relaxed. But the long stilted body language was still so ingrained into Obi-Wan that even relaxed and comfortable, Qui-Gon was unable to tell what Obi-Wan might be.
Dylan clapped his back and pushed him forward. 'Go and talk to him.' Dylan encouraged him.
Qui-Gon rolled his eyes at his brother but did as he said. Because Obi-Wan's attentions were focused on the horse, he had to approach with caution. He didn't want to frighten either horse or man. He smothered a smile as the little puppy jumped up and launched at the corner of his robe. When a few tugs proved that the playful puppy wasn't going to give his cloak back, Qui-Gon bent down and carefully picked her up. She may only be the runt, but Dylan was right that she would fetch a mighty high price if he chose to sell her when she was old enough. He gently pried his cloak from her teeth.
'I'm sorry, sir. She's just a little puppy, sir.' Obi-Wan stood before him, biting his lips anxiously.
Qui-Gon smiled reassuringly, taking Obi-Wan in as one might a breath of life. He was beautiful. Red hair glowing in the sunlight, skin tanned golden by working his life outdoors, muscles firm and stomach taut from long hard work, brilliant, captivating blue eyes that first caught Qui-Gon's attention twinkling enchantingly. 'I'm quite aware this is only a puppy, Obi-Wan,' he said calmly with a hint of humour. 'We've had puppies creating havoc and chaos around this manor before. I remember one who took a particular liking for my slippers. It chewed through seven pairs and I admit it was one of the few I was glad to sell.' Obi-Wan smiled at his tolerance over the puppy's behaviour. 'I believe you saved this one from its rather troublesome siblings and cousins.'
Obi-Wan nodded shyly. 'Yes, sir. If you don't mind, sir.'
'I don't mind in the slightest.' Qui-Gon smiled warmly scuffing the top of the puppy's head, which was trying to chew his sleeve. 'Have you given it a name?'
'I ah, would you mind?'
'No, of course not. I get so many puppies, I've stopped naming them. They usually get named by others. If you haven't named the puppy already, you should give it one.' Blue eyes glowed warmly that he was allowing this privilege and Qui-Gon soaked up the gratitude hungrily; wanting to touch Obi-Wan, but knowing it was impossible.
'Misty.' The street accent drawled out alluringly. 'I call her Misty.'
'Misty it is then.' Qui-Gon quickly agreed, agreeable to anything Obi-Wan wanted right then. His brain no more then putty as his eyes touched places his hand could not; those high cheeks, that slim, neat nose, those eyebrows, those eyelids, that chin, that forehead, those lips. Once Qui-Gon's eyes had lowered onto those lips, he found he could not tear his eyes of them. He wanted to taste, to run his tongue along their length, to plunge into that mouth. Then Obi-Wan stepped back, moving away to attend to the horse since he knew the puppy was in safe hands.
'Brother.' Dylan came up to him, patting his shoulder comfortingly. 'I could see your desire even from where I was. Be careful not to lose you're heart to one who can not return your love.' Dylan whispered his advice in his ear.
'If only I could figure out if he was gay or not. Something which would guide me.' Qui-Gon sighed.
'You'll figure it out. You always have.' Dylan smiled. 'In the mean time, get to know Obi-Wan as a person and give him a chance to know you. Now I really should get going.' He made his way over to his stallion.
Qui-Gon followed him over, taking the reins himself as Obi-Wan quickly tightened the saddle up. 'Give my regards to Mother and Father and our sisters and tell Father I'll be there in two weeks if Reginald hasn't arrived by that time. Give all of them my love.'
Dylan gripped his arm a moment. 'I will Qui. We'll look forward to seeing you, and hopefully Reginald, soon.' Dylan suddenly engulfed him in a hug. 'Love you, brother.'
Qui-Gon squeezed his eyes closed and hugged his oldest brother tightly. 'Love you too, brother of mine,' he murmured. With a few last pats on the back, he reluctantly broke the hug, smiling with slightly teary eyes.
'Be well, Qui-Gon.' Dylan nodded.
Safe journey, Dylan,' Qui-Gon said.
With the words of farewell said there was nothing else left. Dylan turned and pulled himself up into the saddle, getting himself comfortable. 'We'll be watching for you, Qui-Gon.' Dylan gripped his hand a moment before turning his horse to the road.
'Give everyone my love,' Qui-Gon called as Dylan started down the drive.
Dylan waved back. 'I will.' With that Dylan galloped away.
Qui-Gon watched silently as the figure of his brother got smaller, then disappeared. Now he just stood staring down an empty road.
'Sir?' Obi-Wan's uncertain voice called.
Qui-Gon blinked back the moisture in his eyes and turned to the sound of the voice, startling slightly when he saw how close Obi-Wan was to him, looking at him with concern and worry. Qui-Gon's already strained emotions wrenched in longing, sadness and grief. Desperate for some comfort and reassurance, he unthinkingly reached out to Obi- Wan, needing the reassuring touch of a person to ease his pain. Obi- Wan flinched and moved away, that mask falling over his face like a veil. Qui-Gon shuddered as his heart crushed into pulp at the rejection. His heart was bleeding in pain even as he felt guilty for his selfish need to ask for comfort from one incapable of giving it. He lowered his head in shame, unable to look Obi-Wan in the eye. Body trembling and shoulders stooped, Qui-Gon dragged himself away to lock himself up within his bedroom.
Obi-Wan bit his lower lip in anguish as he watched Qui-Gon leave, utterly cowered. Feeling utterly unworthy and worse than dirt. He could not get the look of unbearable sadness and intense loneliness in Qui-Gon's midnight eyes out of his head. He had failed the humble, gentle man when he'd most needed him. Tears trickled down his cheeks, his inability to help someone who needed it more then he, causing a break down of his usual self-control. He felt a deep rage build over the person who'd caused him to be like this; cold, angry, deadly rage he had not felt in a long, long time. He was powerless, weak, and unable to control his reactions as he trembled under its force. She had turned him into this; she was at fault for changing him into what he was today.
'Obi-Wan?' Tony's voice called from far away.
'Stay away!' He seethed darkly, fists clenching.
'What's the matter?' Tony pressed.
'I couldn't, I can't, what does it matter! I'm useless, pathetic, and worthless. I deserve what I get. She hated me. Qui-Gon should hate me. I hate me.' Tears streamed down Obi-Wan's face, his muscles tense. He saw movement and stepped back. 'Please, stay away. Don't touch me.' Obi-Wan shivered in reaction. Touch terrified him beyond anything. He clearly remembered why. Flashes of memory came back to haunt him now and he cowered away from Tony, afraid of hurting him. Memories of screaming, of hate and terror, of crying out in pain. The way his skin crawled at her touch, as she patted and stroked, touching him. Obi-Wan fell to his knees.
'Obi-Wan?' A hand came forward.
'No!' He flailed out with his hand, feeling the connection of hand against skin. He hung his head in shame; the flame of hate against the wrong done against him flaring up.
'What can I do?' Tony's voice begged.
'Give me something I can destroy.' His voice came out in an undistinguishable growl. He could remember the smell of her, she who hurt him, harmed him, touched him, stroked him, kissed him all over. His hands fell on an old scarecrow and immediately began to shred the rag clothes on the hay figure; his jaw clenching and unclenching in anger as dozens of memories and emotions rippled through him. Hands mindlessly tearing, ripping and breaking. His lips trembled, and his body shook as goose pimples prickled his skin. Unshed tears built inside.
'Obi-Wan?' Tony's voice reached out to him again.
'Leave me alone.' Obi-Wan demanded. Hands reached from the wooden frame of the destroyed scarecrow. He began to methodically snap the wood. For each time he broke the long wood pole into smaller pieces he recited the words: 'Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me...'
Each time he snapped the pole, his rage and anger began to melt away and was replaced instead by a grief so wide and a pain so large, he clutched the pole in one bloody hand as he began to sob his inner torment aloud for the first time in a very long time. Memories of that time taking over all thought as fists pounded the earth restlessly as the tears finally fell in torrents.
'Please, no, please don't touch me. Gods no, please don't, I beg you, don't hurt me. Stop touching me, don't, don't touch me, don't touch me.' Finally emotional exhaustion was starting to come over him, his fists curled up on the ground and his head lying against the ground as he trembled violently as words continued to tumble from his uncomprehending lips. 'Please, Gods, just let it be over, let it please be over quickly.' His voice halted as thick sobs took his power of speech, the deep sobs wretched out from the depths of Obi- Wan's chest.
'Obi-Wan?' It was Tony's voice, soft and close.
Obi-Wan flinched violently and threw himself away from it; hugging himself and the sobs became loader and heavier. 'Stay away,' his voice cried out brokenly. 'Please, leave me alone. Oh Gods, don't let her touch me, I don't want to be touched, please don't let her touch me again. I don't want her to touch me, don't touch me.' Obi- Wan begged brokenly, too caught up in his memories to pay much note of his surroundings.
Qui-Gon curled up in his bed, tears dripping unnoticed down his cheeks as he stared blankly into space.
'Master Jinn.' A voice called as a knock sounded.
'I don't wish to be disturbed,' he said loudly.
'Master Jinn, please, it's Obi-Wan,' the voice begged.
Qui-Gon slowly sat up and looked out the window, startled at what he saw. Obi-Wan was curled up against the ground with Tony crouched nearby and a small gathering of staff watching. Swiftly he turned and yanked the door open, glaring down at one of the kitchen staff. 'What happened?'
'I, I'm not sure,' she stammered.
Qui-Gon grunted and swept past her, moving rapidly downstairs, and outside to the stables, heading directly to Tony; ignoring staff that hurriedly moved out of his way. 'Tony, what happened?' He eyed the bruise on Tony's jaw.
'Obi-Wan was upset. I've tried to calm him, offer comfort, support, something, but it only seems to make him worse.' Tony looked at the young man on the ground.
Qui-Gon turned as well, taking in the scene. Obi-Wan lay huddled on the ground, trembling uncontrollably as enormous, heart wrenching sobs poured forth, a steady stream of tears ran down Obi-wan streaked face. Qui-Gon could hardy bear to hear the wretched sobs tumble forward. 'What's caused this?' he demanded softly.
'Forgive me for saying this, but I believe you did.' Tony told him. Qui-Gon levelled a demanding glare upon his Stable Master.
'I saw you leave. I was wondering what happened to Dylan's horse and saw you go inside. I turned and saw Obi-Wan watching you. He had the most stricken look I've ever seen a man wear.'
Qui-Gon closed his eyes in pain. He had, he had done this, his own emotional pain blinding him to the one he had inflicted. He let out a heavy sigh, today was not his day. His heart melted as he turned his attention to Obi-Wan again. He had done this and he had to set it right. 'Obi-Wan?' he called. The young man flinched and curled up tighter into himself but, other than that, didn't react. Qui-Gon shifted forward and slowly reached out with his hand.
Obi-wan pulled back with a jerk. 'Don't touch me,' Obi-Wan's voice begged raggedly.
Qui-Gon held back, watching Obi-Wan. He couldn't sit here and watch this man sob hopelessly, curled up on the ground. He could see that Obi-Wan was running out of energy; becoming emotionally spent. Give a bit more time and Obi-Wan would be too drained, too tired and worn out physically, mentally and emotionally to kick up much of a fight.
'Obi-Wan, listen to me, it's all right,' Qui-Gon soothed with his voice even though emotionally he didn't feel that calm. 'Shh, Obi- Wan, quiet now.' He fingered Obi-Wan's fiery colored, silky, luxurious hair that was within his reach, but it was only a moment before the young man screamed and pulled back violently; voice raw with desperation as he madly tried to scramble away from him.
'No, no, no, no, no, please, no. Dear God, Lord help me. Don't touch me, don't touch me, I don't want to be touched, let me be alone this one night, Lord, please! Don't let her come near me, don't let her touch me. I don't want to hurt, Lord. Let it stop, please stop, I want it to stop, I want her to stop, I want her to stop it.'
Qui-Gon's heart cried as Obi-Wan continued to madly try to crawl away, revealing his bloodied hands.
'Oh, Obi-Wan.' Qui-Gon felt like crying himself at the wretchedness of the man before him; standing by helpless as Obi-Wan worked himself into a state of hysteria, his hands clawing at his beautiful hair, tugging small locks of the fine silky red hair free of the scalp. The voice was harsh, past caring, so desolate, so full of pain. Qui- Gon quickly realized that in a true sense, Obi-Wan wasn't really here, he was trapped in the memories of his past. This was the once abused Obi-Wan he saw now; the forgotten, hurt, trapped, abused, young Obi-Wan let loose by events which brought the storm of emotions and memories that caused him to be like this. Once this storm had past, maybe then Obi-Wan could heal, could learn to trust, could learn to accept touch. But that did not make bearing this storm any easier. The constant references to 'her' made it seem likely to him that Obi-Wan had a female abuser. Not often heard of and quite rare, they never-the-less existed, and people like Obi-Wan had to suffer from their crime.
'Calm down, Obi-Wan, please. You're going to hurt yourself.' Qui-Gon tried to stop Obi-Wan's hands from pulling out his own hair.
Obi-Wan fought against his grip wildly. 'Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, don't want to be hurt, don't let her hurt me,' Obi-Wan raved loudly.
Qui-Gon hated himself for doing this, and fought his own inner distraught feelings for having to, as he forced Obi-Wan's hands to stay on the ground even as the young man screamed and kicked wildly. Wondering how many times Obi-Wan might of been held down in the past to be hurt and abused. He knew he was trying to help, that he was doing the right thing, but did not help him feel any better for having to do this.
'Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry, so very, very sorry.' Qui-Gon's own voice felt close to breaking as he took in the terrible torment written on Obi-Wan's pale, tear stricken, trembling, fearful face. Eyes flickered open and Qui-Gon shivered at the dark, unseeing orbs that stared emptily back. They were dead eyes, with no captivating brilliance, no enchanting glint or brilliant twinkle. Pure terror and panic were in those wild eyes. Then an intense shudder seemed to over come Obi-Wan. Spent and worn, Obi-Wan stilled and fell silent; only tears continued to fall from his closed eyes. Qui-Gon hoped the worst was over.
'Obi-Wan?' he asked concerned. He reached over to touch Obi-Wan's shoulder cautiously. A shudder ran over Obi-Wan, and the man whimpered and curled up in a ball. A slight sob escaped but the fight had died out and now Obi-Wan was battling fatigue and exhaustion. Qui-Gon battled with himself. He wanted to get Obi-Wan into his bed where it wasn't so open and he could sleep in security and peace. Qui-Gon could not just leave him here. He had to be moved, but Obi-Wan was not capable of getting to his room on his own, which meant he had to be picked up and carried.
'I'm going to move you, Obi-Wan. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise.' Qui-Gon moved his other hand to gently place it on Obi- Wan's head.
'No more promises.' Obi-Wan shivered weakly under his hands. 'I don't like promises. She always keeps the bad ones, always means the bad ones. Promises to hurt me.'
Ice chilled Qui-Gon's veins. Lord, who could do this, do something so terrible that even afterward it could reduce a perfectly sound and sane young man into this? Who could abuse someone in such a way that this was the result? It was horrendous. 'No promises then; I'll just help you to bed.' Qui-Gon gently scooped the violently trembling man into his arms.
Obi-Wan's entire body was jerking and shivering uncontrollably in retaliation to being held so closely. Obi-Wan was not quite as heavy as Qui-Gon expected, but he knew the weight of the fully grown and well muscled Obi-Wan would get very heavy quickly. The sooner he got Obi-Wan into bed to sleep the better. The man was twitching so violently at being held, eyes bright with terrified fear, that Qui- Gon wasn't surprised when Obi-Wan's face turned a sickly green. Qui- Gon managed to get him semi-upright and held him as the man was violently sick, then caught him as Obi-Wan's knees buckled and he started to slump to the ground.
'Easy there,' he soothed as he gently scoped Obi-Wan back into his arms, cradling him close to his chest. Obi-Wan's head fell backward to rest on his shoulder. Though he still twitched and jerked, exhaustion was quickly taking its hold over him and, as Qui-Gon hurriedly carried him to his room, the twitching slowly subsided. Finally Qui-Gon kicked Obi-Wan's door opened and kicked it shut behind him. Qui-Gon managed to use one of his hands to pull back the blankets on Obi-Wan's bed and he gently lowered the man down where the man immediately turned away from him and curled up as far away as possible. Qui-Gon's face softened and he sat down at the bottom of the bed, not particularly noticing that Obi-Wan moved away from him. With a sigh Qui-Gon quickly untied and tugged off Obi-Wan's boots; Obi-Wan curling his feet up quickly. Qui-Gon rose and looked down at the young man who was rapidly falling into a deep sleep. He considered for only a moment to take off the belt, but quickly decided against it. With Obi-Wan's past history, that probably wasn't a good idea.
Qui-Gon felt helpless; there was little he could do to help Obi-Wan. He was just too hurt, too frightened of touch, too terrified of closeness. Qui-Gon still wanted to touch this fragile being; still wanted to be close, to touch, comfort, kiss, love -- no not love. Love was impossible. He would never be able to freely love this exquisite being. Qui-Gon condemned himself to a life where he would always want this man, want to reach out and touch him and would never be able to. Obi-Wan would never let him.
'Rest peacefully, Obi-Wan.' Qui-Gon sighed and pulled the blankets up over the now sleeping man. He gently brushed his hand through the silky red hair. Obi-Wan twitched in his sleep but did not waken. Qui-Gon cursed himself. Would he ever learn not to touch this man? Yet, even now, he wanted more. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough.
Qui-Gon reluctantly rose out of his bed the next morning, hungry after skipping dinner last night. He didn't particularly feel like starting this day. Too many things went wrong the day before and Qui- Gon didn't see that luck changing today. Still, he'd better get up and see how Obi-Wan was this morning. He paid little attention to the fussing of his servants as he sat down and accepted breakfast from kitchen staff; hardly noticing the way they danced about him, treating him as one might a piece of ancient china that could break at the lightest touch.
But the moment Obi-Wan came to the table, the kitchen staff vanished and his other staff silenced, and Qui-Gon's breakfast sat forgotten as Obi-Wan hesitantly sat beside him, still wearing the rags he'd come in. His hands were raw and scabbed and his face pale and a bit cut up with a bruise forming on one cheek.
'Do you not have your uniform, Obi-Wan?' Qui-Gon asked softly.
'No, Master Jinn, that is, I do have it.' Obi-Wan kept his head bowed as he spoke softly. 'I feel I do not deserve to wear it.'
Qui-Gon's heart ached for the man who was ashamed of his actions when he had no reason to be. He was submissive and down trodden in a way Qui-Gon hated to see. How many times before this had Obi-Wan had one of these -- spells -- and been punished unfairly for them. 'What did you do that was wrong?' Qui-Gon demanded softly.
'I, I behaved unseemly, I stopped work, I hit a fellow employee.' Obi-Wan glanced at Tony whose bruise on his chin had darkened. 'I destroyed property.'
Qui-Gon silenced him, looking to Tony. 'The old scarecrow in the hay paddock. I had to grab something, but a new one can be made,' Tony told him.
'All of this can be rectified, Obi-wan. So far I can see nothing you've done to deserve any punishment.'
Obi-Wan's eye flickered upwards in uncertain surprise, But, so far, refused to look him in the eyes. However Qui-Gon was glad to see the young man's eyes were that enchanting green colour once more. They were dull, missing their normal spark and twinkle of charm, but they were still that captivating, compelling and reassuring green. Obi- Wan was back to himself. Dispirited and downcast, but Obi-Wan once more.
'What do you remember?' Qui-Gon prompted gently.
'Not much, Master Jinn,' Obi-Wan mumbled.
'Sir!' Qui-Gon corrected. 'I would guess this isn't the first time you, well, lost control of yourself, lets say.'
'No, sir,' Obi-Wan whispered, a tear spilling down his cheek.
'Obi-Wan, for one reason or another, you were not yourself. I recognise this and even understand it. I know something happened to you in your past you would rather not talk about and I can only guess from last night that the person who hurt you was female.' Obi-wan flinched away in reaction. 'Something happened to cause your emotions of that time to cut loose and cause a temporary loss of control over yourself. Some where in your past, someone committed a great wrong against you, so great you can no longer tolerate the sensation of touch. Somehow you've learned to associate touch as a bad thing and touching you when it is obviously something you clearly dislike, no matter how well meaning or slight or even unintentional it is, it is something that is disagreeable to you and I am sorry for having done so last night.'
'No! You did nothing wrong,' Obi-Wan hotly contested, eyes flying open to look into his.
'When someone does something you do not wish, it will always be wrong, Obi-Wan,' Qui-Gon said softly. 'I can only ask for forgiveness.'
'Of course I forgive you.' Obi-Wan spoke as if it was never in any doubt.
'Thank you. Now I believe Tony has a new scarecrow he needs help with. Give your hair a trim, get yourself clean-shaven and put on your uniform.'
'Yes, sir!' A slight smile appeared and Obi-Wan's eyes seemed to spring to life as he darted away.
'Good work, Master Jinn. Soft heart and understanding as always.' His butler spoke for all of his staff.