Rating: PG-13 for implied relationships to NC-17 for m/m sex,
Angst, POV, AU
Spoilers: Yes - big time
Archive: Master & Apprentice, The Nesting Place, QJEB,
SWA-L
Feedback - Yes please, it's my version of the Force!
Disclaimer: Obi-Wan & Qui-Gon belong to the Force that is
George Lucas - he of the incredible luck and multi-million
dollars. My no have none of that!
Chocolate Obi-Wans and Qui-Gons covered in whipped cream to
Chris, Holly & Heather - my goddesses of beta.
This is the fourth installment of Worship's challenge. I've
called the series Tangled Webs - enjoy!
"We were surprised to find you on Bandomeer old friend," Si
Treemba commented as he gently tried to nudge Obi-Wan into
eating. "You must try the Maran fruit salad. It's one of our
own recipes." The Obi-Wan Kenobi that sat before him now was a
pale shell of the man he knew. Gone was that sparkle, the dry
wit, and the wicked humor... the will to live. What had wrought
this awful change?
Obi-Wan automatically took a bite of the dish, not really
tasting it but trying to please his friend. He'd had no idea of
where he was going when he left Sellonia and his... But he'd
somehow ended up to Bandomeer. 'How ironic' he thought acidly,
'that I should end up where it all began.' He'd almost turned
around and boarded the next transport to Force knew where, when
Si Treemba had spotted him. His friend had insisted that
Obi-Wan come home with him.
"We saw a Ben Kenobi on the manifest but did not realize it was
you. We are so used to hearing you being called Obi-Wan."
"He doesn't exist any more Si Treemba," came the hard, flat
reply. "I'm just plain old Ben Kenobi now - who I've always
been meant to be." And it hurt. Gods how it still hurt!
"So you are a Jedi know?" Si Treemba persisted; knowing full
well there was something terribly wrong with his friend and
hoping that perhaps he could help Obi-Wan at last. Repay an old
debt of friendship.
"No. I left. I didn't belong." Ben replied, cold and dead
inside. "Forgive me Si Treemba, but I'm still exhausted from my
trip and old injuries. I think I'll turn in." Climbing wearily
to his feet, Ben bid a melancholy goodnight to his friend and
retired to his rooms to face yet another sleepless night of
torment.
"Not good... This is not good at all. But what to do? His heart
cries out to be Jedi and his soul cries out for his Master. Yet
if we interfere in such a delicate matter we may very well
loose our dearest friend. Oh what tangled webs people weave
around their lives." Si Treemba whispered to the night air.
There must be a way to help... he just had to think of it.
Over the next month Obi-Wan - Ben - slowly regained his
strength. He began training again, though he never picked up a
practice sword. He'd left his lightsaber behind when he'd left
his old life. No sense re-opening the barely healed emotional
scars. His body was weapon enough and the training from his
past life served him well in that regard. He learned how to use
a blaster though, just in case.
He had stayed with Si Treemba at first but by a strange twist
of fate was offered a position he couldn't turn down and
quarters in an opulent household. Ben knew he'd never be a
farmer and he didn't want to go back to his family on Corellia,
that would be the first place people would look for him - if
they bothered to look for him at all. One day, while in the
market with his friend a tremor in the Force alerted him to
danger and before he'd had time to think of it, Ben was
scooping up a child in danger of getting run over by a speeder
going full tilt. He gave the child back to the shaken nanny and
had left the market quickly. That night he was paid a visit by
the father of the little girl he'd rescued.
Damar Indigor was the Ionian ambassador to Bandomeer. He
informed Ben that there had been numerous attempts made on his
life because he refused to deal unfairly with the Bandomeerans,
despite what the Trade Federation wished. He was an honest man
but with the way the Galactic Senate was under Supreme
Chancellor Palpatine, it seemed honesty was no longer a virtue
but something to be punished. Recently however, there had been
attempts made against his family too and this worried him.
His nanny had informed him of Ben's actions and the amazing
speed and skill he had displayed. Would Ben perhaps consider
becoming a protector to the Ambassadors children? They were the
truly vulnerable ones. Damar didn't mind if something happened
to him, he was old enough to understand the risks he took. But
his children should not be made to suffer.
It was a plea Ben could not resist, so deeply ingrained was his
training. He agreed to assist the Ambassador until a trusted
replacement could be found on Ionus. He tried to explain to the
Ambassador that he had no previous experience, but his excuses
were brushed aside.
Ben's things were quickly packed and he was installed in a set
of private rooms in the Ambassador's residence shortly
thereafter. He would meet the children in the morning, Damar
promised him and would merely have to ensure their well being.
Due to the scare of today the children would be staying at home
for the next few days, which would also allow them time to get
to know Ben and Ben time to know them. It all happened so
quickly that Ben barely had time to catch his breath, let alone
wonder if he was doing the correct thing.
"Yes, this is Damar Indigor, Ionian Ambassador to Bandomeer. I
need to speak with Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn... yes it is
urgent... no I do not wish to leave a message... oh very
well... tell him... tell him I know where he can find something
he's lost... yes that's what I said... thank you." Damar
delicately ended the link lest he throw the hapless piece of
equipment across the room. He just prayed that the message
would be delivered to Master Jinn.
Damar's conscience twinged a bit at the thought that he was
deceiving the nice young man who'd saved his daughter's life,
but he owed Qui-Gon Jinn a life debt and he intended to pay it.
He would keep young Obi-Wan Kenobi safe and occupied until
Master Jinn showed up to claim him and in doing so would
fulfill a promise he'd made long ago.
Many years ago during a time of unrest on Ionus, a much younger
Jedi Knight named Qui-Gon Jinn rescued a much younger Damar
Indigor and his family from certain death. His braid hadn't
even been shorn off a standard year when he'd come to Ionus to
help settle the fighting and had found himself the recipient of
a life debt, one he had not wanted.
Over the years Damar had kept an eye on Qui-Gon Jinn's rise
through the Jedi ranks. He was determined to see that the honor
debt was paid to the brave Jedi who'd done so much for his
family. Discovering that the young man who'd saved his daughter
was none other than Master Jinn's Padawan Learner gave him the
means to repay. Damar just hoped he wasn't stepping into events
he would have been better staying out of.
"He has nightmares daddy." Lyria told Damar a week later.
"Who does, my precious?" The ambassador asked absently. He was
reading some correspondence in his office and his daughter was
keeping him company for the moment.
"Mister Ben. I hear him sometimes, crying and yelling. Then I
see him leave his room and he always looks like he's been
crying. He goes to the garden and just sits there. But I always
get too sleepy to see when he comes back in so I don't know
when he does."
"Do you hear what he says my precious?" Damar asked with
trepidation. He might have been hasty in contacting Qui-Gon
after all.
"He says Master and why don't you want me any more. He's very
sad the next day after having a nightmare. I think his heart is
hurting, like yours was when mommy died," the young girl said
solemnly, cuddling in her father's lap.
'Oh no, what have I interfered with?' Damar wondered, horrified
at what he might have done.
Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn cloaked himself in the night, drawing
the Force tightly around him so he'd be undetectable, as he
stepped of the Jedi Transport, which had brought him to
Bandomeer. He'd cursed himself every manner of fool when he'd
finally got Ambassador Indigor's message. He should have known
this would be where Obi-Wan would go. Back to the beginning -
completing his circle of pain.
'My Obi-Wan, I've hurt you this much, that you would come back
here to lose yourself?' Qui-Gon's heart ached. He couldn't help
but to admire his life-bonded though, despite his personal
pain. 'I always knew you were strong love - but still I am
surprised at just how strong you are. Coming here to face your
demons... such will, such courage. I am proud of you my
Obi-Wan. I will find a way to convince you of this, of
how much I love you,' Qui-Gon swore.
Moving wraith-like through the streets of Bandor, Qui-Gon
reached his first destination. Forewarned was forearmed, and
who better to tell him of Obi-Wan's condition than an old
friend. He knocked softly on the door. A few seconds later it
slid open. "We were hoping it might be you. Come in. We have
much to speak of."
"He calls himself Ben now and refuses to talk of his old life,"
Si Treemba informed the Jedi Master sadly. "He says he is not a
Jedi - that he is what he should always have been. He guards
the lives of Ambassador Indigor's children. He is very good
with them. Yet, yet he is not the person he used to be. He is
cloaked in sorrow now, and pain."
"Ben has lost a great deal of weight and looks as if he hasn't
had a solid night's sleep since arriving here. He is slowly
coming apart at the seams Master Qui-Gon, but he refuses to see
it." Si Treemba paused and looked Qui-Gon over carefully.
"Forgive us for saying so Master Qui-Gon, but you don't look so
well yourself."
"We have both been gravely wounded not so long ago, my young
friend, and we are both suffering from being separated from
each other," Qui-Gon murmured, still trying to accept what Si
Treemba said. Obi-Wan was denying his past and his identity? He
believed he was no longer Jedi? This was going to be even more
difficult than he had first imagined.
"Why should being separated cause you to look like this?" Si
Treemba asked, perplexed.
"We are life-bonded Si Treemba. Although separation, even death
will not end our lives, there are repercussions to one or both
of the life-bonded pair. Physical and mental repercussions
which we are both experiencing. It is rather like Spice
withdrawal." Qui-Gon explained absently. How easy it would be
to let go his mantle of control and let their bond re-connect.
Both he and Obi-Wan would recover from their separation
immediately, but Obi-Wan would know he was here - something
Qui-Gon was loathe to have happen just yet.
"Life-bonded? Obi - we mean Ben never told us..." Si Treemba
trailed off. The stark pain that his thoughtless comment caused
was apparent on Qui-Gon's face.
"Because he thought I severed the bond." Qui-Gon whispered
wrenchingly. "We had a... misunderstanding. One that I will
find a way to rectify," Qui-Gon swore - more as a comfort to
himself than to alleviate Si Treemba's worry.
Qui-Gon bid goodnight to Si Treemba a short time after. It took
a considerable amount of willpower, but he turned away from the
siren call of his life-mate and procured quarters for himself
in a local inn. He was so close and yet... he suspected that
Obi-Wan would bold upon seeing him. So much hurt. Never again
would he assume anything where Obi-Wan was concerned. Never
again would he take his beloved for granted.
"Master! No, don't do this!" Ben cried out as he was thrust
into consciousness. Running his hands through his damp hair,
Ben's fingers caught on his braid. It was the only thing he
hadn't been able to shed. It was his sackcloth and ashes, the
constant reminder of his failure. His penance.
No damnit! He hadn't failed. He'd been failed. But had
he? Qui-Gon could very well have been hurting from Obi-Wan's
perceived lack of faith... and he knew how focused Qui-Gon
became when he thought he was right. If he truly believed the
child was the 'chosen one'.
'But why did he have to abandon me to follow his great and
glorious quest to train the boy. Why couldn't I have been part
of that dream? Wasn't I good enough?' Ben thought,
despairingly.
Slipping out of bed and out into the night, Ben wandered the
garden aimlessly for a while, before sitting on the cold stone
bench that had become his most frequented haunt. Before the
bench was a little pond, with a fountain in the center. The
lulling sound of the water had helped him slip into a light
trance many times before but tonight he was too unsettled.
There was something... out there, beyond the garden walls...
something that he couldn't quite grasp on to, an elusive,
ghostly presence that seemed to weigh heavily on his mind. Ben
tried to clear his thoughts, concentrate on the moment... but
introspection beckoned.
How had he ended up here, at this crossroads in his life? Where
had the path gone so wrong? How should he go on? How could he
set himself on the right path again, before it was too late,
before the darkness began to hunt him? The moon cast a
reflection in the pool, silent sentinel to Ben's inner
struggles. It's cold fire and ghostly light illuminating
unworthy truths. He had failed - failed himself... and
Qui-Gon.
The ugly truth was that Ben had given up. Given up on himself,
on Qui-Gon, on their love. He'd taken the easy way out - and
sought his own death. When that hadn't worked he'd hidden
behind a wall of forgetfulness to bury the pain within. When
that too failed, he had blamed Qui-Gon for his own failings and
had run away, like a coward or a petulant child. It was time to
grow up. To face his failings and hope that Qui-Gon could
forgive him, hope that he could forgive himself.
It was time for Ben to be well and truly consigned to his
childhood. He was Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Apprentice, Padawan
Learner and Life-Bonded to Master Qui-Gon Jinn. It was time to
be the 'man' he always informed his Master he'd become. Accept
his failings and his flaws - accept Qui-Gon's failing and
flaws, and heal. It was time to go home.
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