Snapshots: Obi-Wan Kenobi, this is your life (February 2002)

by Pumpkin (apumpkin@rogers.com)

Author's webpage: https://www.squidge.org/~pumpkin/

Archive: yes

Rating: G - NC17

Pairing: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan

Warnings: none

Spoilers: none

Feedback is always appreciated

Summary: The date listed is the date the 'snapshot' was written/posted. Each piece is a segment within the same universe, but they are not in any sort of order. The snapshots will run the gamut from G to NC17. Some may be several pages long, some only a couple of paragraphs; some will contain smut, many will not; they will be different styles with different voices.

Disclaimers: Mine they are not, dream a girl can.

February 07, 2002

I look into the mirror and frown at the face that peers back at me. The hair beneath my nose tickles at my upper lip and I force my face back into calm stillness.

This look I recognize -- I saw it every moment I looked at my master.

It makes me laugh -- was this then the secret behind his much vaunted serenity in the face of any odds?

February 08, 2002

"Padawan, Jedi do not go around picking fights."

"But he said I was stupid."

"And you gladly confirmed his accusation -- a wise man has no need to prove his worth."

"They said you were stupid too, Master Obi-Wan. And weak and lifeless and that you had no soul."

"And did you believe that to be true, Padawan?"

"No!"

"Such vehemence..."

"I know it isn't true."

"Whey then did you fight?"

"To defend your honour."

"There is little honour in fighting, Padawan."

"Yes, Master."

"You will study the Branda texts on the code and write me a one thousand word précis every evening, until you have covered each theme, beginning with 'there is no passion, there is serenity.'"

"Yes, Master."

February 09, 2002

He is so young.

I cannot remember ever being so young, even when I still had years to reach his age. I suppose it is the difference between growing up as a slave in a gambler's paradise and growing up at the temple.

There is so much for him to learn; at times my task seems so daunting, impossible. However, my master saw something in him, something he could not turn away from. Qui-Gon did not always choose wisely, but he always chose with his heart. And I have faith in that heart.

Still. He is so young.

February 10, 2002

He is so young.

All enthusiasm and energy. Full of dreams and questions. Eager for change and frustrated by how slowly he thinks the universe is moving.

There is so much for him to learn and only I to teach him.

He is so young. Perhaps it is something innate in the Skywalkers themselves, like father like son. Or maybe it has something to do with growing up on this dry, force forsaken planet.

Or it could just be that I am old.

February 11, 2002

My hand wraps around my flesh: holding, squeezing, pulling, stroking, pumping.

I am alone, but I am not.

I can feel him in each heartbeat. In every heartbeat.

Love. Love. Love. Love.

My eyes open as I come and I can see him. A glow surrounds my hand: holding, squeezing, pulling, stroking, pumping.

Qui-Gon.

February 14, 2002

Obi-Wan dug his hands into the ground, letting the feeling of the Living Force wash over him as the clumps of dirt slid against his palms. The sun was warm without being hot and the air felt crisp and clean. He took a deep breath and relaxed into the sensations.

He remained that way until familiar footsteps interrupted him. They came to a stop and Obi-Wan opened his eyes and smiled. "Padawan."

"I'm sorry, Master, I didn't mean to interrupt your meditation." Anakin turned to go.

"No, it's all right, Ani. Come join me."

Anakin knelt next to him, looking around. They were at the edge of a forest that was just beginning to look again like a forest after being clear cut to build a new port for the large port cities of Trebaln.

"What are you doing, Master?"

"Planting this." Obi-Wan handed over what looked very much like a small twig with a tiny green bud at the end. "It's a leot tree, or at least it will be one day."

"Doesn't leot mean 'giant' in the Trebaln language?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Yes, it does."

"It's pretty small. Hard to believe it'll one day be one of the those giant trees."

"Even you were tiny once, Ani."

"I know. Still..."

Obi-Wan allowed a grin to curl his lips before sobering once again. "Would you like to help me plant it?"

"Sure."

"It gets completely buried -- though the green bit should only just be covered by the dirt."

Once the seed was buried, they remained there, kneeling together at the edge of the forest. At long last Obi-Wan broke the silence. "Today is Qui-Gon's birthday."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Padawan, he is with the Force now. That's one reason why I came out here today -- it's easier to touch the Living Force... to be among it. I thought it might make me feel closer to him.

"Does it?"

"Yes, actually, it does." Obi-Wan hesitated and then reached over and squeezed Anakin's shoulder. "And even more so since you joined me."

Anakin smiled shyly at him. "So you planted the leot tree in memory of Master Qui-Gon?"

"Yes. One day it will be taller than he was and years after that much, much taller."

"But we're going to be leaving Trebaln in a few days."

"Yes."

"We might never be back again."

"Probably not."

"So you'll never see the tree you planted for Master Qui- Gon again."

"No, but I will always know that it is here, just as I know that Qui-Gon himself is always within the Force no matter where I go."

February 15, 2002

Young he is. When eight hundreds years you are, young they all are. But young Obi-Wan is for the task set to him. Only a boy.

Watch him grow old I will, Force willing.

Hope I do, his eyes will grow old slowly. Fear I do, they will not.

Young he is. Old he will soon be. Harsh master the Force is.

February 16, 2002

"Master..."

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

"What are you doing?"

"Making a 'snowman'."

"Oh."

"Is there a problem, Padawan?"

"Well..."

"Spit it out, Obi-Wan."

"It's just that it looks more like a 'snow-Hutt'."

February 17, 2002

Naked meditation.

It had been Qui-Gon's idea. Now that they were lovers, it would be prudent for them to learn not to be distracted by one another's bodies. They would meditate, kneeling across from one another, as was their wont, only they would do so naked.

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time. It had seemed like a good idea until they had stripped and knelt, knees touching. Their eyes closed, they began to breathe together, to drop into meditation.

At least Obi-Wan had dropped into meditation. Qui-Gon on the other hand was...distracted by his lover's body.

February 18, 2002

The cloth is rough beneath my fingertips. I can feel the weave. It is just slightly damp with his sweat, though already the only warmth it holds is from my fingers.

His body is heavy and grows steadily colder, though I cannot possibly feel each minute change in temperature. But I do, just as each passing second hangs for a moment of eternity.

I should get up, find the others and join in the battle once again. I should, but I do not.

Instead I count the weave of the cloth of his tunic, measure the growing cold of his body and count another second.

February 19, 2002

Obi-Wan.

My padawan.

My lover.

Hear me.

This is not the moment I would have you live in.

February 20, 2002

At last the weight of cloth and cold and time is more than I can bear and I lay him on the ground.

Leaning forward, I place a kiss upon his lips. They aren't so cold after all and I wonder how so short a time could pass and still contain such hurt.

It will get easier; it could not possibly get harder.

February 21, 2002

It is the little things that are important, that bring me back to what I am, time and time again. Most often it is my new padawan, with his overly serious eyes and his soft smile.

"Is there anything I can do for you, Master?"

"Thank you, Padawan, no."

"Then may I sit with you, Master?"

"Of course, Obi-Wan."

So we sit. Not meditating or reading or studying or talking. Just sitting together, enjoying the peace of the moment.

It is that peace that I work for, strive for, wish for all to enjoy.

February 22, 2002

It has been another long and arduous day. I take a few moments to sit quietly and just be. Anakin sits with me, as quiet and still as I. We share this rare moment of peace, our roles as master and padawan left aside along with the heavier mantles of responsibility.

I wonder idly how much Qui-Gon enjoyed such quiet moments as this one when I was his padawan; I seem to remember that they came more often then.

These days it seems as if we barely get a moment to breathe, let alone remember what is important.

February 23, 2002

After my evening cup of tea, I sit quietly outside my door watching the way the sky changes as first one and then the other of Tattoine's suns slip beyond the horizon.

I note the way the air seems lighter without their oppressive light and heat. The chirrups and whirls of small animals setting about their business adds colours of their own to this evening rainbow.

This night I can also hear the laughter of a child, Jawa if I am not mistaken and it brings a smile to my own face. The night before this a faint breeze blew a small leaf around my feet.

I sit here every evening, after each long, tedious day, to remind myself: it is the little things that matter.

End.