Spoilers: All sorts for Episode III. Really! We mean it! If we
get our way, that is.
Summary: Recent discussion on the MA ml has spawned this...
er... open plea to Mr. Lucas.
Feedback: If you insist! ;) emhegera@ucalgary.ca
Disclaimer: I have not yet been proven clinically insane.
However, if this bit of nonsense isn't enough to convince you,
lock me up for sure if I start insisting the Jedi are all mine,
wish fulfillment fantasies aside.
Author's Babble: Half of this is Galadriel's fault! <g>
Much thanks to her for letting me turn out conversation into a
'fic, and listening to me read out loud while typing at 4:30am,
and not falling asleep.
Dear Mr. Lucas;
As your loyal fans, we feel that it is our duty to inform you
that we have noticed a sad omission in your Star Wars saga. You
will be shocked to hear that we have not been able to find a
single frame of blatant on-screen Hot Jedi Action. Don't you
think this subtext tease has gone on long enough?
I don't think the fans are too demanding; do you think we're
demanding? Of course not! We know what we want to see, hot
Jedi... spanking each other? Yes, yes, that's it. I don't think
that's too much to ask. Do you? Of course not! Is that too much
to ask, George? I mean, by Episode Three, surely...
I mean, Episode I, sure, you could have gotten away with just a
kiss. But by now, I mean, you've had two more episodes to work
with, George. And these aren't any of your half hour TV episode
sort of dealies, either, but years long, multi million dollar
full scale cinematic events, George. And not just that, but
we've been to the movie more than once, I mean MORE than once.
And we've bought all the merchandise, and I mean all of it. You
may want to have a word with your marketing department, they
have some strange ideas about the suitability of Gungan tongues
for small children. I mean, the light sabers, we can see,
although we still question the wisdom of having them readily
available in Toys R Us. Not that we're complaining, mind you,
because we're definitely not. Though it would be nice to have
more than just one color, if you get our drifts. But anyhow. We
digress. Don't think we've forgotten about that spanking.
How hard can it be to insert, after all? Oh. Oh, my. No, we
didn't mean it like that. Really! (Not this time anyhow. Not
this once. That comes later.) We've even written you some
dialogue to help you along. Ahem. "Oh, naughty Paddlewan!
You've turned on the force shaped beacon... A spanking! A
spanking!" What do you think? It's obviously a tribute to one
of the cinematic greats of our century. Do you think our homage
is too indirect? Or would you prefer to write your own
dialogue? We're not picky, as long as the Jedi get properly
spanked.
And it can't just be angry. Homosocial bonds, George, that's
what it's all about. There's absolutely nothing wrong with
homosocial bonds. Or Hot Jedi Action.
You don't want it said that George Lucas, pop culture icon of
our century, disappoints his fans, do you? We thought not.
We're so looking forward to Episode III, George. And don't
worry, we'll be sitting front row center when it comes out.
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