Disclaimer: Well, they're not mine. They're George's and Terry
Pratchett's. The Librarian is by popular demand. Sorry for the
rushed story, but I'm pissed (drunk for our American readers)
and have company. I think by this point I've libelled most of
the Jedi Temple too, so congratulations are in order.
Feedback, virtual lynchings and dried frog pills to
fionnabair@bigfoot.com
The sauna. Qui-Gon's headlong dash through the Temple corridors
ended at the wooden doors.
He knew the sauna well enough. After all he had fond memories
of evenings spent in there with Mace as both explored the more
esoteric aspects of the Force, not to mention a raucous
threesome with two Wookiees who had been curious about the
human penchant for sweating impurities from the body. They had
learnt quickly enough that Wookiee biochemistry was not
designed for such conditions and had quickly retired to the
swimming pool.
Even now the smell of damp Wookiee was exciting to Qui-Gon.
But now a great challenge faced him. On the other side of that
door was his recalcitrant apprentice. He had to go in and find
him. There was a mission briefing to carry out.
Yeah, right, that was it. A mission briefing. He and Obi-Wan
needed to be totally clear about their respective roles.
On the other side of the door, Obi-Wan began stripping off his
clothes as he prowled through the heated rooms. The Temple's
heat facilities were extensive, offering a plain sauna and more
luxurious steam facilities, marble-covered and stocked with an
ample supply of towels and massage oil for stressed Jedi who
had pulled a muscle.
Or who wanted to pull a muscle.
The kohl and glitter began to drip down Obi-Wan's face as he
went into the steam room. Suddenly he was grabbed by two
reddy-brown furry strong arms, much the same colour as his own
face.
"OOOK!" said the Temple Librarian before muscling his way out
of the steam room. Somewhere in the distance a faint moan
indicated that a knight had failed to return his library book
on time.
The Jedi Library had a complex system. Fines were useless to an
unmaterialistic order, but the Librarian had a positively
Sith-like attitude towards late returns. Complaints had been
made to Yoda, but the small green master had smiled
enigmatically, saying only "Skilled he is, special he is. The
monkey stays."
Yoda had been found four hours later looking rather battered
but happy and had declared the "M" word to be a creation of the
Sith.
Further into the room, a demonic laugh attracted Obi-Wan.
A red and black face reached through the steam and grabbed the
nubile Padawan.
"Now I shall reveal myself to the Jedi" cackled a dark, Sithly
voice.
"Ooooh!" squeaked an excited apprentice.
Meanwhile, Qui-Gon, entering the main room of the sauna was
suddenly blinded by a veil of steam as an unseen, black-clad
hand flung some water over the stones.
"Well, halloooo" said a distinguished voice, that somehow
reminded Qui-Gon of politics as he was lowered to the floor by
an anoynmous black robe . . .
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