Room Service: Council Chamber

by Tem-ve H'syan (tem-ve@gmx.de)

If I owned the adorable freakshow that is the Jedi Council, I would put them on show in a circus! Or at least ask Eeth Koth for make-up and haircare tips... asit is, they are George Lucas', and I'm buying my shampoo off the money from my day job. Nope, not making any wonga on this sort of thing...

"Looking like a bloody wedding party, this is!" Yoda was visibly disgruntled, fidgeting in his seat, "Take more than that, my Padawan can!"

"Your Padawan and his Padawan," Mace Windu paused for extra effect, summoning a thin streak of the Coruscant twilight to dance dramatically across his shaven head, "deserve some kind of recognition of their bond, Yoda. If 'wedding party' is the word for that in your tongue, I am sure this is fine by the rest of the Council."

"Exactly," Plo Koon boomed in his liquid bass voice, "I am sure even your venerable age, Master Yoda, has not allowed you to forget the many times Qui-Gon and his Padawan have served the Jedi order under the most difficult of circumstances. And even if you did forget, which it is not my place to assume," he cleared his throat with a noise that sounded not unlike little bits of gravel chasing each other down an echoing corridor, "I believe this missive from the ambassador of Tlön-Uqbar will do just fine to testify to Jinn and Kenobi's extraordinary skills."

Yoda quirked an eyebrow. "Tlön-Uqbar? Remember this, indeed, I do not. Difficult circumstances, you say?"

"Indeed," Plo Koon replied. "I'm having the message translated for your benefit, and you can read through it at leisure after the meeting. Basically what it says is how grateful the Tlön-nari are for the settlement of the grammar wars that had been plaguing them and the Mlekhnas for centuries..."

A pearly giggle from the opposite end of the venerable round. Adi Gallia quickly lifted a hand to her lips to shield her amusement at Plo's joke.

"Read the original you think I cannot? 743 languages I have learnt, young Koon, in my time, and a further 23 in your measly lifetime. Problem with this there is? Hand me the letter, you will!"

Obediently, Plo Koon raised himself off his chair, stalked over to the diminutive Master's seat, bent down almost double, handed Yoda the datapad and not for the first time in his 'measly lifetime' thanked the Force for a facial anatomy that made hiding a grin very easy indeed.

There was silence. Total silence. And then some more silence. Yoda shifted in his chair in what the other Councillors assumed was embarrassment. Not that you saw Yoda looking embarrassed very often, and for the younger Council members this was certainly a first, seeing the venerable old Master blushing olive green and exclaiming, "Language, this is not! Lost in the transmission, most of it must have been!"

"I assure you, Master, that this is the version sent by the Ambassador, and that it makes perfect sense if one is inclined to accept the existence of a language consisting of nothing but verbs," Plo Koon boomed self-assuredly, then added, in a smaller voice rich in humorous undertones, "I thought it might be a tad difficult for you to see where a Tlön-nari sentence ends and another one starts..."

Adi Gallia's laughter saved him the trouble of having to end that sentence, and all eyes rested on the beautiful Knight, her frontal appendages wobbling in mirth and deep blue from the increased circulation. Especially Yarael Poof's eyes, who marvelled for the umpteenth time at the rainbow range of blushes the Jedi Council had on offer and delighted in the sight of Adi's long neck exposed as she threw her head back. In the next life, he would... he quickly banished the un-Jedi-like thought and tried to focus on the debate in hand.

"All right, so I take it sending the two to the Daiko system to oversee the Festival of the Silver Crabs does not comply with Master Yoda's ideas," he hummed, "any other ideas?"

Eeth Koth stretched lazily and flicked a strand of his long black hair behind his shoulder. "A mission it should be, agree with Yoda I do," a wink, "but how about one to a slightly less obviously hospitable climate? I happen to have this brother-in-law on Wedt II..."

Adi piped up again, hardly recovered from her earlier fit of giggles. "Just how many marriageable sisters do you have, Eeth? One in every solar system?"

"We're working on it, I assure you,", the horned Jedi replied, smiling, "at last count there were 72 of us, and the last message from my father I had was all complaining about how hard it was getting to find pronounceable four-letter names for the recent arrivals... Anyway, this brother-in-law of mine goes by the nice name of 51 -"

"Ow!" A Force-slap of unknown origin stilled Knight Gallia's laughter, and Plo rumbled good-naturedly, "At least they won't ever run out of pronounceable names, eh Eeth?"

Eeth Koth grinned. "And Wedt II is renowned for its swamps and grisly weather conditions. While 51 is renowned for his 'fresher facilities." He paused to let the thought sink in.

"Hmmm." Mace Windu wasn't exactly comfortable. "But what would their mission entail, on this swamp-infested planet?" - "Simple," Eeth Koth smiled, "their mission would be to crash-land on it. Take some time out."

Mace frowned, but had to admit deep inside that this was more out of jealousy than out of righteous concern for the justifiability of this mission. After all, his old friend had been through so much crap weather during his career, he really deserved a hot shower at the end for a change. "Time in more likely," he added with a weak grin.

"Still," Ki-Adi-Mundi insinuated himself, "Yoda is right in that we wouldn't want them suspecting we're setting up a honeymoon for them. We ought to keep them on Coruscant for a while after that. For, er, surveillance."

Mace grinned broadly. "You're just a bit of an old voyeur, aren't you, Ki? Fine by me. Trust me, we'll keep them here for your enjoyment!"

"And how are you going to achieve that, ratsherr Windu?" Ki-Adi-Mundi was visibly peeved, definitely peeved enough to lapse into his native language anyway.

"Okay." Mace straightened himself, trying to look as Presidential as possible. "I will advocate Corellian silk or the finishing touches to young Kenobi's lightsabre. I happen to know Master Jinn has his own ideas about the stuff...", a smirk placated Ki-Adi-Mundi's voyeuristic side.

"Oh yes," Plo Koon growled warmly, "don't we know our old mate well? I'll confer with Knight Vaurt of the fabric workshop to arrange for some, er, toys..."

"Jedi crèche this is, eh? Remind you I may, that our plan is not a kid's name-day party!" Yoda exploded, usual serenity cast aside and stepped on for good measure.

"So, venerable Yoda?" Plo Koon's face was impassive, but the grin in his voice was unmistakable. "What kind of torture do you suggest for the adorable pair, then? Making them write Council reports?"

"Hmph." The slight twinkle in Yoda's eyes at that suggestion told the Jedi all they needed to know, even before he continued, in a comically menacing half-hiss, "Know my unruly Padawan well enough I do. Writing council reports for hours good drug for him it is. Drive him mad with desire, that kind of drudgery does. Fireworks will ensue."

"You might want to install a camera for that after all!" Mace guffawed, before reminding himself of his Presidential duties. "That agreed upon, then? Great."

"Speaking of cameras..." Depa Billaba raised her voice quietly, commanding absolute silence with her honey tones, "we should not neglect the spiritual side of their trial journey. I suggest a visit to the Igna of Retuwe, who abstain from all physical forms of love prior to marriage."

"Not much of a wedding present, that is, then?" Councillor Yaddle cackled.

"Well, it's got flowers," Depa answered defensively, "the Igna are admirable gardeners, and we all know about Jinn's propensity for plant life, don't we?"

Smiles and agreeing murmurs all around. Almost all around.

"To make arrangements for the last leg of their trip, then, allow me," Yoda offered mischievously. "I have a wonderful place in mind by the name of Ama-Detecho..."

A collective gasp, then an explosion of shocked, surprised, even angered voices, Plo Koon's booming bass soaring over the hubbub. "Do you have any idea what the Detecho do to Jedi, Yoda? You must be out of your trickster mind!!"

"Plo's right!", Adi Gallia exclaimed, now fully serious. "Do I have to remind you of the fate that befell Knight Re-vouq and his Padawan when they ventured out to Ama-Detecho? You might have forgotten all about them, Master Yoda," she inhaled sharply, "because they haven't been out of the mind healers' ward ever since!"

Yoda smiled. "Take this, my Padawan can. Sure of that I am. Actually enjoy it, he might. Very enlightening experience a visit to Ama-Detecho can be..."

It was Depa Billaba's measured voice that finally sided with Yoda. "He is right in that respect, Councillors. Ama-Detecho might not qualify as a bona fide honeymoon resort, or in fact anything near amenable accommodation, but it will put them in touch with what they really are. I second Master Yoda's motion."

Without a sound, the various Force signatures of the council members converged in the centre of the chamber to ratify the course of events agreed upon, then everyone got up quietly and left the chamber, relaxing into friendly chatter on their way out, until only Mace Windu and Yoda were left under the dome, now fully enveloped by the black Coruscant night sky.

"Amenable it may not be, but bond their spirits even more firmly Ama-Detecho will," Yoda stated flatly, with the slightest twinkle of anticipation in his eyes. Reading those reports would be fun for a change.

Mace Windu grinned, "Well, it's not like we were planning to pamper them with room service anyway."

---The End---