Risorgimento - The Personal Journal of QGJ

by obi-ki and padawanewan

Title: Risorgimento - The Personal Journal of QGJ

Authors: obi-ki for this entry) and together with padawanewan (for the series)

Pairing: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan

Rating: PG-13

Catacory: Q/O AU

Time Period: About 20 years post ABY

Archive: MA, please archive each story under both authors, others please ask.

Disclaimer: Everything Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilms. I am just playing in his world, borrowing the boyz and their accomplices and will return them all when I'm through. No money is being made from this, it is all done for entertainment only.

Author's notes: This is the second entry that is basically an aside to the Series, a mirror to padawanewan's recent General Kenobi journal entry. As with that one, this is totally from Qui-Gon's POV and contains his inner thoughts as he comtemplates their situation and puts his musings into written form. Thanks to Merry Amelie for the beta.

Summary: Qui-Gon awakens in an unfamiliar environment, disoriented and thinking that the time is immediately following the Battle of Naboo. Obi-Wan awakens in the same unfamiliar environment, confused and thinking that it is immediately following the Battle on Mustafar. They separately meet up with their host, Var-Son Meirr, and eventually find that they are in a remote medical facility, that Var-Son cloned them and that it's currently fifty-five years post Naboo. After spending some time getting acclimated and learning about the events of the last fifty-five years, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are finally brought together by their creator.

When the shock wears off, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan spend time with the healer and eventually alone together. They learn about more about the events that have occurred and about each other. Especially in Obi-Wan's case, the events that occurred during the years after Naboo changed him and he is far from the inexperienced padawan that walked for so many years at his master's side. As they reconnect, they find something is off about them and they struggle to figure out how to deal with it. They speak to the healer about their concerns and Obi-Wan hears vague directions and odd comments from an internal voice. They decide that joint mediation may prove helpful and Var-Son directs them to the facility's garden.

During their joint meditation, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan reach out to one another and create the beginnings of a new bond between them. Although not as strong as their previous connection, they both feel it's a good beginning and will strengthen in time. Unbeknownst to them, they have company during their meditations - their ethereal counterparts are watching them and contemplating what if anything they can do to aid the clones along their path. When the meditation is over and both men return to their individual quarters, they spend some time in thought trying to get a handle on their situation.

Feedback: Feedback is treasured in any way, shape or form, either in onlist or through email to kiowkqgj@yahoo.com or padawanewan@gmail.com

In spite of my physical exhaustion, I only managed a few hours of sleep and it was still well before morning when I finally gave up the attempt and picked up this journal. I have always found putting my thoughts and feelings into written form a sort of catharsis; a means of looking at events from an observer's vantage point rather than from the cradle within. With all that's occurred over the past few days, you'd think it would be easy to put my thoughts down. But I'm finding it more difficult than I expected so I guess I'll need to break it down into smaller segments.

First and foremost among all the revelations is the fact that I am a clone. Such an incredible notion when you really think about it. My physical form is an authentic copy of Qui-Gon Jinn, DNA replicated down to the tiniest of chromosomes. My blood contains a matching quantity of midi-chlorians, recreating the ability to direct and draw upon the currents of the Force. The mind within this body has been infused with the knowledge of Qui-Gon Jinn's experiences and abilities but this body did not live through the experiences that formed the man who lived so many years ago.

In spite of what my mind and memories want to insist, I am not the Qui-Gon Jinn who was brought to the Temple at the age of fourteen months after being discovered by a seeker in a foundling's home on Bestine. I am not the Qui-Gon who trained in the Bear Clan with Master Yoda, became the apprentice of Master Dooku, fought in the Stark Hyperspace Wars, lost Xanatos to the Dark Side or trained Obi-Wan Kenobi to knighthood. Even with all my recollections of those events and thousands of others, I am but a replica of that man.

But knowing that intellectually does not change my memories of the events. I can still hear the sizzle as Xanatos pressed Crion's ring to his cheek, feel Obi-Wan's resolve when he offered his own life to save mine on Bandomeer, feel Dooku's displeasure as I questioned his decisions on Lianna. Endless moments, in a life lived in the fullness of the Force, each etched into my memory in exquisite detail.

How is it possible that I remember a life that this body did not live, Var-Son's explanations not withstanding? I am not a scientist. I am a man who lives in the moment and trusts in the Force to direct me. Why would the Force allow my recreation and what purpose will my being here in this time and place serve? It's a conundrum, one that I wonder if I'll ever really come to terms with.

Second are the events that have transpired in the fifty-five years since my last actual memory. Even told in the dry form of academic texts, the horror of that reality was immense. The Republic destroyed, the Jedi Order eradicated, both events manipulated by the man trusted to care for the galaxy's citizens. Obi-Wan and Anakin in the center of the action and the boy trained from my dying plea making Obi-Wan live through a betrayal of the worst kind.

Again I wonder what the Force has in mind, why it would bring me to this time and place so far removed from my life? Am I expected to do penance for the path I helped to set into motion by taking Anakin Skywalker from Tatooine or is there some greater plan that I am to be a participant in? Var-Son claims he continued his work to atone for his part in Palpatine's empire, but why me? Why Obi-Wan? What does he think two Jedi will be able to do to help Anakin's son reestablish the Jedi Order? And why is the Force going along with it?

And third, but in no way least in all of this is Obi-Wan, himself. So unlike the boisterous and spirited young man who shared the last twelve years of my life, the pain of the events retold in the history tomes is visibly obvious in this older Obi-Wan. The weight of his experiences lines his face, eyes clouded by the recollections of the traumas he lived and the betrayal he faced. But along with that pain is a confidence and assertiveness that was lacking in the younger version. The padawan who stood at my side has been completely eclipsed by the Jedi master he grew to become. No longer looking to me for guidance, Obi-Wan is self-assured and confident, if not a bit restrained, as if he fears he's dreaming and will wake up to find himself alone in the barren wastes of Tatooine.

That's another why that seems to have no answer. Why did the Force allow Var-Son's experiments to finally achieve success with myself and Obi-Wan? From what the healer said, there were many prior attempts, using the DNA of many Force-sensitive individuals, that were unsuccessful. One of a Jedi's core beliefs is that nothing occurs randomly; there is no such thing as luck. Everyone has a path that they are destined to travel and, although events can be influenced by individual actions, everything is part of a greater plan. So why us? What does the Force hope to accomplish by allowing our rebirth?

For a moment, I allow my mind to drift back to last night's joint meditation. It was easy to fall back into the familiar pattern, to slip into the Force together and allow it to bathe our minds and hearts in its soothing currents. But looking at it now from outside the moment, there was something else surrounding us, augmenting the essence of the Force and strengthening the link we were splicing back together. Whatever or whoever it was, was within the depth of the Force but also outside of it, an echo of familiarity in the almost imperceptible touch. Another event for which there are more questions than answers.

Focusing on the filaments of the bond that we so recently reestablished, I can sense Obi-Wan's presence a few corridors away. The link is still delicate and fragile, much more frail than the substantial connection we shared during the final years of Obi-Wan's apprenticeship. The familiar quicksilver quality of his mind is still evident but it's tempered by the maturity expected in a seasoned master. The same but different and this difference is one that I expect will take me quite bit of time to adjust to, though I have no doubt it will be a very interesting journey.

Delving cautiously along the threads, I can sense Obi-Wan's concentration and a hint of his emotions. If I had to guess I'd say he's also thinking about our current situation and wondering about the hows and whys and wherefores just as I am. I sense traces of caution, curiosity and apprehension much like my own, but I also catch a wisp of something I don't expect – love and desire.

I can only guess how long I stared at the datapad after sensing Obi-Wan's emotions. The feelings catch me off-guard and I find myself at a loss at how to react. It's not that I never envisioned the possibility of more between us after Obi-Wan's knighting, I just never expected Obi-Wan would consider it. Yes, I daydreamed about the possibility and even fantasized about it once in a while, but I never seriously considered that my devastatingly sexy, twenty-five-year-old padawan would have any romantic interest in his fifty-five-year-old master.

Are these feelings something that existed back when he served at my side or are they something that developed later, after my death? Is what I sensed just an echo of old feelings or do these desires still exist? Even in this, I am besieged with more questions than answers. Reluctantly, I pull back from the connection, my mind awhirl with the additional revelation.

The chrono shows that there are still three hours before I'm supposed to meet Var-Son and Obi-Wan for first meal and another round of question and answer so I think I'll try to get a little more sleep. Who knows, maybe the Force will magically supply the answers to all while I sleep. Or maybe, it will bless me with dreams of Obi-Wan, taking a role that he has only previously filled in my most secret fantasies.

TBC