Rebirth #05 - Realizations

by Angelica ( lilithschilde@roadrunner.com )

Archive: M_A, anyone else just ask

Category: Q/O, pre-slash

Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: None that I can think of

Series: Rebirth

Series Timeline: Begins a few weeks after AOTC

Summary: A day in the life of Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and the clone of Qui-Gon Jinn. Today, Fifteen-year-old Qui-Gon makes his Master deal with some of his feelings.

Disclaimers: George owns it. I play with it. But I give all my money to Star Wars merchandising, so I have none to give him if he sues me. Feedback: Please!? I'll love you for ever and ever...OK, well, I'll be really happy.

Notes: Thanks to everyone for your love and support. Special thanks to my wonderful Master, Master Jenn. She's been wonderful about keeping me going and I'm very lucky to have found her. She even gave me a card for my birthday today, when all I expected was a rock. ;o) ALSO...this is my *very* first time writing anything sexual in nature(ie the NC-17 rating, finally). Please be gentle, but *please* let me if it worked or not? This is the culmination of my Master's guidance, let me know if I've made her proud??

"Force, he's going to drive me crazy over the next year."

Obi-Wan watched as the fifteen-year-old Qui-Gon Jinn moved through the crowd of diplomats, nodding greetings to a few, carefully avoiding others. His progress through the room spoke of years of attending such functions, and of knowledge gained by familiarity. Obi-Wan knew this wasn't the case, of course. Qui-Gon had only attended two such gatherings since becoming a Padawan earlier in the year. His knowledge came from reading through the journals of Master Qui-Gon Jinn, and from long hours of storytelling on Obi-Wan's part.

The most distracting thing for Obi-Wan, now a Jedi Master since the knighting of Anakin Skywalker, was the *way* Qui-Gon walked. The young man had recently outgrown his gangly stage, and now walked as if he were a lion stalking its prey. He was all grace and muscle, prowling through the room towards his Master. Obi-Wan swallowed nervously and took a deep breath.

"Master, is something wrong? You look pale."

Obi-Wan shook his head, the golden locks falling around his shoulders. "No. It's just a bit stuffy in here."

The corners of Qui-Gon's lips lifted slightly, marking his amusement. "Don't tell me you don't enjoy meeting and greeting more than a hundred diplomats, all of whom seem to want to see your lightsaber!"

"Very funny, Padawan mine. You know quite well how I'm feeling right now," Obi-Wan said, rolling his eyes.

"Perhaps we should take a walk outside and get a breath of fresh air?"

'A walk in a dark garden, with a stunningly gorgeous young man. Oh yes,' Obi-Wan thought. 'That's just what I need right now.' But before his mind could convey these thoughts to his body, he was already walking towards the balcony and down the stairs into the night air.

They came to stop at a bench in the back section of the garden, away from the prying eyes of the diplomats. Obi-Wan sank down on the cold marble, hoping the chill of the stone could ease the growing tension in his lower body.

"See now, isn't that better?"

Obi-Wan looked over to see Qui-Gon sitting only a few breaths away from him. The young man was bathed in moonlight, the sliver beams giving him an almost ethereal quality. His deep blue eyes shone with amusement, and made Obi-Wan gasp for air.

"Apparently not. Are you sure you're well? Perhaps I should bring you to the healers?" Obi-Wan registered the baritone voice, so close to his ear that he could feel the warmth of the man's breath, but could say little in response. He started as he felt the callused hands touch the sides of his face.

"Master, you're worrying me. Please say something?"

Blinking, Obi-Wan pulled away, standing and moving away from the bench, and away from the cause of his discomfort. "I'm fine, Qui-Gon. You needn't worry," he said with a weary breath.

He could feel Qui-Gon watching him, his eyes boring into Obi-Wan's back. The young man's concern radiated off of him, and through their bond.

Obi-Wan turned around to face his Apprentice, forcing a smile. "You worry too much, Qui-Gon. I'm just a bit tired."

"Would you have done less for me, when you were my Padawan? You're lucky I don't drag you upstairs and into bed."

Obi-Wan was sure he'd been forgetting to breathe, and he could feel the heat in his cheeks growing.

"Qui-Gon..." was all he managed to get out before Qui-Gon stood up and moved towards him. "Perhaps I *should* rest. It's been a long day. You should stay and enjoy the gathering. Please make my apologies to the President?"

The last thing the Jedi Master heard as he moved quickly up the path to their quarters was a sigh from his Apprentice, and "Yes, my Master."

Closing the door behind him, Obi-Wan leaned back against it and slid down to the floor.

'How could I have been so careless? I know that I can not have that sort of relationship with my Apprentice, especially not when he's only fifteen!'

Obi-Wan leaned his head back and sighed, the thoughts of Qui-Gon in the moonlight filling his mind: the young man's dark hair gleaming silver, the padawan braid draped over his shoulder, aching to be touched. He was a Jedi Master, for Force sake, not some hopeless teenage Padawan! He should be able to control his desires better than this!

Standing up, the Master decided that a very cold shower was in order. He moved quickly through their rooms, stripping his tunics off as he went. By the time he arrived in the 'fresher, he needed only to turn on the water and step into the shower stall. The water poured over him, touching the recently warm skin and making him shiver. 'At least it's with cold, and not arousal,' he mused to himself. For several minutes he stood, letting the frigid water sluice over his head and body. He took deep, cleansing breaths, and eventually found himself returned to normal. Obi-Wan stepped out of the shower, grabbing a nearby towel and rubbing it along his body for warmth and to dry himself. Tossing it in the recycle bin, he grabbed a dry towel to wrap around his waist and left the small room.

Only to find Qui-Gon on the couch waiting for him.

Obi-Wan reached down nervously and attempted to pull the small white towel closer around his body, failing miserably. There simply wasn't enough towel, and it left his right hip and thigh exposed.

"Qui-Gon, what are you doing back so soon? I thought I'd asked you to stay at the reception?" His voice nearly broke, and betrayed him.

The young man turned around, examining his Master thoroughly and smiling at the site before him. One would think he enjoyed seeing his Master so flustered. "The President suggested I should return to our rooms to tend to you. I didn't want to upset the President of the Interstellar Trade Alliance, after all. I am sorry if I've disturbed your rest."

Obi-Wan let out a deep breath he'd been holding and inched back towards his sleeping chambers. "Of course not. I decided a shower might make me feel better, and I was just going to bed. Goodnight, Padawan. I'll see you in the morning," he said, making a hasty retreat to his room and closing the door firmly behind him.

Qui-Gon remained on the couch, staring at the closed door, for almost an hour. He thought about going to check on the man behind the door, but didn't think his Master would appreciate it right now.

"Oh Master, how long must we play this charade," he though out loud. "Do you think I don't know why you're so nervous around me? Do you think I don't see the lust in your eyes as I enter a room? Do you think I walk like that just for the hell of it? I do it for you, Obi-Wan. Sith take all the others who's attention falls upon me. I love seeing you flustered and aroused. I love seeing the bulge in your all too tight leggings when I move a little too close to you and touch your body with mine. Are you really so blind as to see that?"

Qui-Gon sighed and stood up, moving towards his own room. He looked at the bed, and couldn't stop thinking about how cold it was, compared to the nice warm bed that could be his just a room away. But he certainly couldn't force his Master into anything he wasn't ready for, and he did understand about how his Master must be feeling right now; all too well. After all, wasn't he once the Master who dreamt of bedding his Padawan? He knew Obi-Wan had to wait, for propriety's sake, but Force was it difficult.

The young man sat on his bed and removed his boots, tossing them in the corner of his room. His utility belt soon followed.

"It should be you taking off my clothes, my Obi-Wan. It should be your hands..." the words drifted off as he ran his hands below his tunics and tweaked an already hardening nipple. Tossing back his head, Qui-Gon removed the tunics and let them drop somewhere beside his bed.

Letting himself lay back against the soft bed; one hand deftly untied his leggings, his other hand reaching underneath the waistband to find his straining erection. "It should be you touching me like this, my beautiful Obi-Wan." Slowly, he moved his callused hand over the length of his hardening shaft, his thumb rubbing at the moistness seeping from the head with every stroke. Closing his eyes, he pictured Obi-Wan's face in his mind. If he concentrated, he could almost feel the soft golden hair caressing his chest as Obi-Wan moved above him, sinking down slowly until Qui-Gon was completely filling him.

Without realizing it, Qui-Gon groaned loudly, rolling his head from side to side as his hand increased its rhythm. "Yes, my Obi-Wan. Oh sweet Force yes!" With a yell to shake the heavens, Qui-Gon climaxed, his warm seed spilling out over his hand and chest.

By the time Qui-Gon woke the next morning, Obi-Wan was already awake and eating breakfast at the dining room table.

Qui-Gon wiped a hand over his face and sat down across from the older man, who was intently reading over something on a datapad.

"Good morning, Master."

"Mmm. Morning," Obi-Wan mumbled in return.

Qui-Gon reached for his juice, noting the circles under his Master's blue eyes.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine, thank you," Obi-Wan answered, not looking up from his pad. "We'll be leaving this afternoon. The Council has sent me your new course schedule. It looks like we'll be staying at temple for a few months."

Qui-Gon refrained from sighing out loud. He was going to be trapped on Coruscant for months on end with a Master who wouldn't even look at him? Sith hell he would.

"Master, this can't go on any longer. You're going to drive me insane, and I doubt you want an insane Padawan/former Master on your hands, do you?"

That got his attention. His Master's blue eyes looked up into his, and Qui-Gon smiled.

"Of course I don't, Qui-Gon," the cultured voice intoned.

"Then why don't you accept that you have feelings for me, tell me we have to wait, and move on?"

Obi-Wan's eyes widened at the comment. "Because it's not appropriate. You're my Padawan..."

"I know that. I've been there. I lusted after you for years before you were old enough to be in a relationship with me. I know exactly what it feels like."

"Qui-Gon..."

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon nearly purred. He grinned at the older man's reaction to the the sound of his own name. "I want you, Force do I want you. I'm fairly certain you must know that after last night, or is there another reason you didn't get any sleep?"

"No. How could I sleep with you next door, making those noises like you were. For Force's sake, you screamed my name!"

"Yes, I did," Qui-Gon chuckled. "I know we have to wait. It won't be long, after all. In a few months I'll be eighteen, and completely legal."

"And until then," Obi-Wan continued the thought, "there will be many cold showers and long nights of mediations."

"Yes, Master, there will be."

With both in agreement, breakfast was continued, nothing else needing to be said.

'Many cold showers indeed,' Qui-Gon thought. 'All the water on Coruscant isn't going to help me, Master, but I'll try.'