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Rating: PG for sexual references (gasp)

Archive: M-A and Jacynthe D'Morae's, all others just ask, I probably won't say no.

Series: no

Categories: Humor above all else. Q/O references, PWP, AU (sort of), POV (sort of)

Feedback: Dying for it, please, bad, good, indifferent. padawanhilary@gonwan.com, or on master_apprentice is cool too

Summary: a little difficulty with the job description, so to speak

Warnings: none, unless you don't like irreverence where the boys are concerned. No offense is intended.

Disclaimers: If anyone officially authorized to be involved with them reads this, I hope you see two things: This was done out of utmost adoration, and I have no money.

Dedication: For Jani, ever-patient and honest reader that she is.

/..../ denotes italics.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood in front of the Council, yet again. And Qui-Gon had that look on his face, the look that told everyone in the cool, glass-encased rotunda that this was going to be a long session. He drew in a breath, and Obi-Wan could feel through the bond that he was irritated to the point at which--

Qui-Gon (tapping on the screen, looking at us): Are we going to go through this again? (pausing) I am very tired of being set against the Council. They won't change; you know that, not unless they're completely AU. (pausing) That's what I want, an AU Council that makes things easier on me. You would think they would have reassigned me to the Outer Rim by now, what with all the trouble I cause them. (pausing) And can't we just have an easy mission and forgo the sexual tension and the angst, and cut straight to the sex we all know is going to happen?

Obi-Wan (stepping up beside Qui-Gon): Master, it wouldn't be much of a story if they wrote it that way.

Qui-Gon: You /like/ going through the sexual tension and the angst?

Obi-Wan: As long as it ends with you chuckling at me or kissing the top of my head, I don't mind.

Qui-Gon: And I want to have more parts involving civilian clothes. How can you quickly remove my boots for a bedroom scene when there are fifteen buckles on each one?

Obi-Wan (shrugging): I like the boots.

Qui-Gon (grumbling)

Obi-Wan: Although I would like to quit pining over you for a little while.

Qui-Gon: Oh, now, see, that's what I'm talking about. The angst. How is it we go through so much of that and haven't fallen to the Dark Side? Angst leads to /something/ I'm sure.

Obi-Wan: Sex. Angst leads to hot Jedi sex. (waving hand at the screen) That's what they're here for.

Qui-Gon: (pausing) There is that.

Obi-Wan: I like how we never get caught when we're having sex in the open, except by Master Yoda. And he just raps us on the shin and says, (Yoda impression) "Rooms of your own, you have."

Qui-Gon (stifling a snort of laughter)

Obi-Wan: I want more crossover parts. I want to do Curt Wild.

Qui-Gon (looking at him sharply)

Obi-Wan (laughing): Just kidding, Master!

Qui-Gon (thoughtfully): What's the obsession with Xanatos, I wonder?

Obi-Wan (shrugging) It's canon. More angst. What I want to know is how come I always get the fallout.

Qui-Gon: So I can save you. If the boots stay, then so does the post-Xanatos recovery sex.

Obi-Wan (looking thoughtfully at Qui-Gon's boots): I can live with that. Now about the tying up and things.

Qui-Gon: I like those parts, Padawan.

Obi-Wan: I do too, I just want more equipment.

Qui-Gon: We're Jedi. Besides, Force-enhanced bondage prevents us fumbling with buckles. You don't know how hard some of that gear is to use.

Obi-Wan: Do you?

Qui-Gon (tucking his arms into his sleeves and staring at the floor): At any rate, none of that even addresses the fact that the only two Council members we deal with are Mace and Yoda.

Obi-Wan (stepping close to him): How hard, Master, /are/ the buckles to use?

Qui-Gon (waving his hand distractedly): Oh, well... you know. (pausing) I will grant this, though. I like that there's never a wet spot.

Obi-Wan: Sometimes there is. At least we're in your bed when it happens.

Qui-Gon (frowning at him, then us): Why /is/ that?

(long pause)

Qui-Gon: This is very one-sided. I have a feeling we're not being listened to. I am always going to be the rebellious Master arguing with the Council, staring at my luscious Padawan, straining for Masterly control, and then caving in to sex that leads to a lifebond.

Obi-Wan (staring at him): Luscious?

Qui-Gon (shifting uncomfortably, shrugging)

Obi-Wan: The lifebond part is good, you have to admit it's easier to (falls silent, eyes go distant)

Qui-Gon (looking at Obi-Wan, then glancing at us again, and then staring off into space and chuckling at something)

Obi-Wan (breathing faster, throwing his arms around Qui-Gon's neck and kissing him passionately)

End