This just wasn't worth bothering a beta with, btw, so all
stupid booboos
are mine and mine alone.
Categories: Humor/Parody; Vignettes
Rating: PG, I suppose, for some slashy leanings.
Summary: What Qui and Obi do when they're not busy
boinking their brains out.
Feedback: Oh, please, yes.
In the wee hours of the morning, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn
slipped through the front door of his shared quarters
stealthily, cloak wrapped tightly around the bundle in his
arms. He made a beeline for his bedroom without turning on the
lights, hoping that his apprentice was sound asleep. No such
luck. He groaned inwardly as a voice broke through the silence.
"What brings you home so late, Master?" A lithe form stepped
out from the shadows.
Qui-Gon turned with a swishing of robes and gave Obi-Wan what
he hoped was an authorative glare.
"You need not concern yourself with my affairs, Padawan. Why
are you not asleep?"
Obi-Wan shrugged. "Bad dreams." He sidled up closer to his
master, a sultry look coming from beneath golden lashes.
"Perhaps you could help me forget them...." he purred, as he
ran one hand lightly across Qui-Gon's shoulder. He narrowed his
eyes when he noticed his master was shifting his cloak,
wrapping it closer around his rather lumpy front. Obi-Wan
squinted in the darkness, all playfulness gone and a suspicious
look forming across his finely chiseled features.
"Master, what is that?"
"What's what?"
"That!" Obi-Wan pointed emphatically at the hidden bundle in
his master's arms.
"Nothing."
"It's rather noticeable for a nothing, don't you think?"
"Not at all. Don't you think you're getting tired?" A slight
wave of the hand.
"Master, did you just try to mind whammy me?" His suspicion
increased, with a touch of irritation added in.
"I wouldn't do that, Padawan," Qui-Gon intoned smoothly.
"You're getting grouchy. You need some rest." Another more
obvious wave of his hand.
Obi-Wan's eyes glazed over for a second, then he blinked and
shook his head. His mouth dropped open and he glared
accusatorily at Qui-Gon. "By the Sith, I can't believe you just
did that!" He stalked over to his master and grabbed hold of
the concealing cloak. "That's it, I demand to see what you're
hiding. Now." He gave the fabric a good yank, despite Qui-Gon's
growing protests.
The cloak ripped, sending the two Jedi tumbling to the floor. A
small furry creature dropped to the floor and, finding itself
no longer constrained by large expanses of cloth, bolted under
the first piece of furniture it saw. It crouched under a heavy
sofa, swishing its tail and hissing at the loud clumsy
creatures making a racket directly in front of it.
Obi-Wan sat up slowly, rubbing his head. He glared openly at
Qui-Gon, pointing towards the sofa. "Is that what I think it
is?"
Qui-Gon shrugged helplessly, smoothing his hair back. "It was
all alone in an alleyway... I couldn't just leave it
there, could I?" He put on a stern "teacher" face and continued
with his favorite lecture. "The living Force guided me to it...
the destinies of all living things intertwine in mysterious and
unpredictable ways, my young apprentice. It is not wise to
discount any life we might come upon in our journeys, even if
it might seem the most insignificant of beings." At this point,
the large Jedi Master got down on his hands and knees and made
what Obi-Wan guessed were supposed to be reassuring noises at
the terrified little animal. "Yes, you're a good wittle kitty
witty aren't you? Arenchu? Come here, puddy, good widdle puddy
wuddy...."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. Another pathetic life-form. Not that
he was surprised. The Jedi Temple had started serving the
secondary purpose of being an animal shelter and halfway house
to various and sundry stragglers ever since Qui-Gon Jinn had
been admitted into the Order. His master just couldn't seem to
say no to any hard-luck case that came his way. Obi-Wan
believed in compassion and generosity and all that good stuff,
of course, but being the one who always ended up scraping dried
hairballs out of the carpet, he had a slightly different take
on the matter at hand.
With a resigned sigh and a shake of his head, the padawan
shuffled back to his room, leaving his master to coo and settle
in his new charge. It was a harmless enough obsession, he
supposed, frustrating though it might be at times. At least
Qui-Gon didn't let his little rescuing hobby keep him from
training his apprentice or performing admirably on every
mission they were sent upon. Obi-Wan smiled and shook his head.
Yes, he supposed, sometimes people just had their... quirks.
Satisfied with the conclusion he had reached, Obi-Wan sat down
at his desk and picked up his datapad again, sighing happily as
he resumed his reading where he had left off. This archive of
stories that Bant had introduced him to just the other day was
completely engrossing, though he couldn't quite put his finger
on why the works fascinated him so. Some of these pieces of
fiction would have made even a sublevel street walker blush.
Amazingly enough, the whole Temple's padawan population seemed
to be subscribed to the mailing list. Obi-Wan frowned in
disbelief as the random image of Masters Mace and Yoda in the
throes of passion popped into his head -- the sheer logistics
of it boggled the mind. He would have to write some feedback to
the author later suggesting an alternate pairing in the future.
He only knew that he had to finish this one last chapter before
he could call it a night...
~finis~
--
I hereby blame this on Linda (the one who has a cold). She was
my first M_A spew victim and the heady knowledge of that just
sent me flailing over the brink into a writing fit. Shame on
you, Linda.
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