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Archive: MA, QAJ

Category: POV (Obi), Qui/Obi, Obi/Other, Obi/Xanatos, Obi/Bail

Rating: NC-17

Summary: A day with Qui, a night with T'nell, a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger, and a fight with Bail. Obi's been busy this week.

Series: Queer As Jedi. Follows "Proof and Refutation".

Feedback: Please! Good, bad, ugly; onlist or offlist is great. Like Emma said last week, "We'd love to hear your thoughts about where you think the story is going, what *you'd* like to see happen, what you think about how Obi and Qui are handling things, and so on."

Disclaimer: In Which It Is Established that the Writers of QAJ do not mean any Copyright Infringement of Lucas, etc., nor do they seek Fame or Fortune in their Perverted Writing Efforts.

Notes: Much love to Emma and Rita, for -- well, calling it a beta is not giving it enough credit. The writing process for QAJ is a lot of involving, fun, hard work, and I am amazed and thrilled that two such talented women are willing to do this with me week after week. Thank you. :)

Timeline: "JWIN" directly follows "Proof and Refutation." The entire timeline is available at http://www.queerasjedi.net/index2.html.

Click here for the complete episode list.

I'm tangled in someone's arms and legs when I wake up, and I murmur something appreciative, snuggling closer. The body pressed up against me is warm, and I press a kiss to the nearest patch of skin. I think it's his shoulder. Yes, his shoulder, and below that, the curve into his collarbone, and...

I wrestle one hand free so I can go exploring with it, eyes still closed. Nice, solid, warm flesh, long torso... my hand goes lower, and I wrap my fingers around a large morning erection. I grin. "Qui," I murmur, but it comes out through a yawn.

Qui's hand wraps around mine, and he gently moves it away from his cock. "Good morning, Obi-Wan." His voice is low, gravelly, like it always is before he's had his morning tea. He shifts, unwrapping his arms and legs from me and pushing away so he can sit up. I blink at him, eyes protesting the scarce amount of light that's coming in through the screens on the windows. Qui is not usually an early riser, and neither am I. We've spent a number of mornings slowly waking each other up with hands and mouths and other body parts.

I frown a bit. "What time is it?" I ask.

"Nearly eighth hour."

"Eighth...? Oh, Sith." I force myself awake a little faster. "I have class."

"I know." He turns back to me and runs his hand down my back. "We should shower."

Oh. In the fresher this morning? I grin. "That sounds like an excellent plan." I head for the fresher and am surprised when he doesn't follow right away. I turn around and he's leaning back on the bed, curling into the covers as he often does when we don't have time for morning sex and decide to shower separately. But the way he touched me -- surely that was an overture? "Aren't you coming?" I ask.

He follows me into the fresher, and we step into the shower. He turns the water up much hotter than I like it. How does he stand water that nearly sears his skin off? I've never understood that. But it reminds me of being here before, months ago, and the look in his eyes that night. Dark, intense, and arousing as hell.

I drop to my knees in front of him when he turns his back to the spray and wets his hair. He notices my movement and frowns down at me. "Obi-Wan, what...?"

"What does it look like?" I ask, shaking my head. I reach up to steady his cock with my hands, then swallow it down my throat in one smooth motion. Oh, yes. I'm not that late. There's always time for this in the morning.

He groans above me, and I stop thinking. This is just what I needed. He tastes so good, and I love the way his cock fills my mouth, the way I can't take all of him in and I have to search for an angle that doesn't make me choke. I love it when he's hard and I can wrap one hand around the base of his cock, sliding my mouth back and forth on him. I love the noises he makes, growls that come from the back of his throat or somewhere deep in his chest, and I love the way his hands come down to steady my head when he gets close. He swells in my mouth, and I can sense him trying to hold back orgasm as long as possible. I flick my tongue across the underside of his cock, pressing hard against the most sensitive spot on his entire body, and he gasps and comes for me. I moan around his cock, and he releases my head, letting me pull away and lick my lips. I stand up and smile at the look on his face. He looks like he's forgotten where he is, what he's doing here.

"That was good," I murmur, reaching up to caress his cheek. He puts a hand over mine and turns his face to kiss my palm. I hum, pleased by the sensation. "We'll have to do that again soon."

"Yes," he tells me. He clears his throat. "You'd better hurry. You don't have much time now." He turns around, reaching for a washcloth and soap.

"Oh, but it was worth it," I purr, wrapping my arms around him, pressing my front to his back. "It always is."

"Of course it is," he tells me. We shower, and I have to dress quickly and rush through breakfast to make it to class on time.

I find myself daydreaming entirely too much during my classes. While part of my mind is fully occupied with astrophysics, or philosophy, or xenobotany, the rest of me alternates between thoughts of Bail, T'nell, and Qui. After last night, most of my thoughts are centered on Qui... how he looked when I was inside him, the way his eyes seemed full of -- I'm not sure what. Maybe he was still shaken by the night of the party. Tonight I'll take him to bed and drive it out of his mind for good. Sometimes I think he doesn't realize how much I care for him. I'll show him tonight. I'm tired of how awkward things have been, and I'm glad they're finally getting back to normal. Things are already so much better than they were -- everything is going to be fine.

We've been sniping at each other so often lately. I think we've been talking too much. He had so much to say last night. I wonder if he believed he was listening to me. He wasn't, really, but I'm inclined to let it slide, because I think we've talked enough for a while. We just needed release last night, needed to get some of the tension out of our systems. And I wanted to feel close to him again. It hurt, hearing him tell me he was in love with me, knowing I couldn't give that back to him, even if I felt it. I never realized I was so bitter about not being able to love anyone, about the rules that forbid attachments. I don't think that's ever bothered me before. Even if I did love Qui, I wouldn't be allowed to love him. The moment I fell for him, instead of bringing us together, it would separate us. I'm relieved that it isn't an issue. I've never been in love. I'd know it if I had.

It's a relief when I step into the training salle for group lightsaber work. I match up against several other senior padawans, winning nearly every spar, taking a few hits here and there, my practice uniform getting a bit singed. And I pair up with a few different padawans to engage in pair duels, extending my awareness and altering my attack style to mesh well with my partners. It's good to be moving like this; it clears my head and gives me a couple of hours away from my thoughts. I didn't realize how badly I wanted that. I should go home after lastmeal and meditate.

I have a quiet meal alone in the refectory and then head back to my quarters. Qui is missing; probably having lastmeal with one of his friends. I take my boots off and pad into my room.

My commlink buzzes as the door slides shut behind me. I pull it off my belt and answer. "Kenobi."

"Hello, Ben."

My breath catches hard in my chest. "Bail," I reply. I sit down on the edge of my bed. I close my eyes for a moment. My heart is racing. Just from hearing his voice? How does he do this to me? "How are you?"

"Fine. I've got a few minutes free between meetings. I wanted..." His voice trails off. "I thought I'd see how you were doing."

"I'm fine." I laugh a bit. "It's odd hearing from you so soon after I last saw you. I think I could get used to this."

He laughs, too, and though the laugh is faded and the sound buzzes a bit, the sound of it is... Force, I miss him. He says, "I think I could, too. I'm looking forward to seeing you again. You're still free two days from now?"

Has it only been two days since I woke up with him? "I can't wait. When should I meet you?"

"I don't know yet. I'm sorry." He sighs. "I've got a meeting scheduled that afternoon, and I don't know how long it will run. Certainly until after dinner. Hopefully not too late. I can call you when I get out of it, if that's all right with you."

"That's fine." I smile a little. "Have you been thinking about two nights ago as much as I have?"

"That depends. How much have you been thinking about it?" He's teasing me. I wish I could see the look on his face. The way his eyes narrow, the way the corners of his mouth turn up -- I can almost picture it.

"Probably too much," I admit.

There's a pause on his end of the link. "So have I," he says. I grin. He clears his throat, and the tenor of his voice changes a bit. "I have to get back to work. Is it all right for me to call you like this?"

"As long as you don't make too regular a habit of it," I tease. I pause for a moment. "But it's good to hear from you."

"It's good to hear from you, too."

I can hear him smiling. My image of him is clear in my head now, and I close my eyes, wanting to hang on to it for just a few moments more. "Have a good evening, Bail."

"You, too, Ben. Good night."

He disconnects, and I sit on the edge of my bed, looking at the commlink in my hand, smiling. After a few seconds, I remind myself that I was going to meditate, and I head out to the balcony and curl myself into a meditation pose. My thoughts are so much clearer than they've been all day; I guide myself into meditation easily, and it feels good. It's soothing. I come up naturally about two hours later. Qui must have come home while I was meditating; I can sense him moving around the kitchen now, making tea. I head back inside and walk into the kitchen.

"You could have let me know you were home," I tell him. I take over, preparing the blend of leaves he likes best, sifting the leaves into the strainer. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm fine." He leans back against a counter, out of my way. He's removed a few layers of uniform and is down to his leggings, with his outer tunic tossed on over his bare chest. It hangs open in the front, showing off his chest, the muscles of his abdomen. Force, he's beautiful. I wonder if he'll always affect me this way. I smile at him, nearly devouring him with my eyes.

"Padawan, the tea..."

I snap my focus back to the tea. The water has just begun to boil. I wait a few seconds, then pull it off the stove and add the leaves, steeping the tea according to my master's preferences. I pull a cup and saucer out of the cupboard for him and set them on the counter, then pour the tea. He takes it and goes into the common room. I follow him, picking up a datapad from the table and calling up my reading assignments. I settle in next to him on the sofa, sitting close to him, and he wraps an arm around me. I move into his side and rest my head on his chest. His presence is soothing, and being held like this is so comforting -- such a change from last night, when I couldn't decide whether I wanted to hold him or get away from him. I feel him take a deep breath and release it, and decide my plans for seduction can wait. Right now it's just good to be around him again, sharing the silence with him, not having to think about what to say. There haven't been a lot of quiet moments like this, not since before we left for Ferri Prime. I've missed them. I was right -- things are finally going back to normal. Everything is going to be fine.

The next morning, I wake up to find a message on my terminal from T'nell. He's free for the evening, he says, and wants to know if I'm still interested in his "offer" from the other day. Interested would be putting it mildly. I spend the day thinking about him, imagining all the things I've wanted to do with him for the last several months. Classes seem to drag by unusually slowly today. I have to release quite a lot of impatience into the Force.

It's strange being this edgy after the relaxing night I spent with Qui. It's probably just the lack of sex. What I need right now is a nice long fuck with a good friend, something I don't have to think about so much. I'll feel better after tonight.

I make a quick stop at the healers' ward after lastmeal to ask for unlubricated barriers. It yields a surprising number of results, and, armed with them, I head to T'nell's. Master Faelin greets me with a smile, and T'nell and I retire to his room. I drop my package on the bed, scattering barriers everywhere. T'nell laughs at me. "Don't tell me all of these are for us," he grins.

"Well, we probably won't go through all of them tonight, but -- well, look, these are flavored." I tell him, dropping several different barriers in a variety of colors on the bed.

"Flavored? What for?"

Well, actually, that could go very well with what I was going to try out. Shall I show you?"

T'nell undresses with a slight gleam in his eye, and I pounce on him, still fully-clothed myself. He leans back against the pillows and lets his knees fall open, and I take his cock in my mouth, letting him fill my mouth as he gets hard. He gasps, and then relaxes, settling into the pillows and smiling.

"This isn't new," he tells me. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

I pull my mouth away and grin at him. "That's not what I wanted to try."

A look of comical disappointment crosses his face. "Does that mean you're going to stop?"

I reach for one of the flavored barrier packets. "Just wait." I tear it open and slip the barrier into my mouth.

T'nell gives me a disbelieving look. "What are you going to do with that?" he asks. I take his cock in one hand and slide my mouth down over him.

Hmm. That didn't work. I don't have the barrier lined up quite right on him, and it simply slides over the head of his cock and to the side. T'nell's abdomen shakes a bit, and I look up to see him trying to keep from bursting out laughing. I pull my mouth off him and roll my eyes, then spit out the barrier. "Flavor on that one wasn't very good anyway," I mutter.

"Doesn't this work better if you use your hands?" T'nell asks, still laughing at me.

I mock-glare at him. "It was pretty fucking hot when Bail did it to me."

T'nell's expression slackens a bit. "I still can't believe you're dating someone. Who else have you told?"

"Oh, would you shut up about that?" I pick up another barrier, this one opaque white. It smells faintly of vanilla, and I take careful note of how I put it in my mouth before wrapping a hand around T'nell's cock and trying again.

I have it lined up perfectly this time, but I can't seem to get it on. Pressing with my tongue just makes it slip to one side or another, and meanwhile, T'nell is still laughing at me. At least he isn't losing his erection. I focus on remembering what it felt like when Bail was doing it to me -- a light suction, then a long, slow glide. Suction? I suck lightly on the head of T'nell's cock, making him stop laughing and moan softly, then glide my mouth down, unrolling the barrier as I go. Eureka. That wasn't difficult at all. And the vanilla flavor of this barrier is fairly appealing. I leave my mouth on T'nell and suck on him for a while, making him writhe in mild frustration.

"This really is much better without the barrier in the way," he tells me. "Wouldn't you rather..."

I pull away. "That wasn't nearly as difficult as it seemed at first," I tell him. "Why don't you give it a shot? I seem to remember certain promises about letting me..." I reach forward and trail a finger across his opening, and he jumps. I shrug. "Or we can do that some other time."

"It feels like it's been forever since I've been in someone," he says. "Turn over. I'll let you in after." He helps me out of my clothes, and I turn over for him.

T'nell and I fuck in several different positions, both of us topping and bottoming, ending up exhausted and laughing together afterwards. Oh, that feels good -- it's exactly what I had in mind. Sweet, relaxing sex with a good friend, something we don't have to take seriously. It feels good just being able to unwind and enjoy each other. Things have been too serious lately, between Bail and Qui, and I think I'd almost forgotten how much fun sex can be. This is just what I needed.

I give T'nell one last hug and then stretch. "I should get home," I tell him. "Do you need anything before I go?"

"Come here." He pulls me close, wrapping his arms around my neck, and kisses me -- another one of those long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that he's so good at. It almost makes me want to climb back into bed with him, but I resist, and pull away. He sighs. "Thanks, Obi," he tells me. "It was a fun evening."

"Wasn't it?" I grin. I dress, quickly, and head home.

The next morning, I wake up intending to surprise Qui in the fresher. To my surprise, he's already gone. Where is he going these days? He's been gone more than usual -- leaving before breakfast, coming home late after lastmeal. Things between us are patched up, so I know he's not avoiding me -- perhaps he's been seeing someone? He did say he was going to seek out other lovers. The thought that he'd do that without telling me about it, though -- but then, maybe he's still worried about the way I'd react. That's ridiculous, of course. I just want him to be happy. When I was seventeen and we had just become lovers, I admit, I had a few moments of jealousy. And I did take an irrational dislike to Aslahn. It's not a time I'm particularly proud of, but it was three years ago. Things are different now. If Qui decides to find a new lover -- or something more -- I'll try to be supportive. Just -- please, not someone as clingy and obnoxious as Koresh. Or as irritating and argumentative as Master Bel. Someone who doesn't take an instant dislike to me would be nice.

I get home fairly late in the evening; Master Liko asked me to meet with her after lastmeal so she could discuss another class she'd like me to teach. I'd be happy to take over level 10 maths for her again; I just have to make sure I don't end up fucking one of my students this time. No matter how adorable he is with his shirt off. Hmm... I wonder what Keli's been up to lately?

When I finally walk into our quarters, Qui is nowhere to be found. I try to curb my disappointment. I've been looking forward to seducing him all day. I feel like I have an itch I can't reach. I'm probably just horny. I comm T'nell.

"Yes?"

"T'nell, it's Obi-Wan. Where the hell are you?"

There's a pause, a long pause. "Obi, can I comm you later? I'm busy at the moment."

Busy? What the hell does that mean? "It's nothing important. Don't worry about it. I'll talk to you later."

I disconnect and frown. Since when is T'nell too busy to talk to me?

I could look up Keli and go clubbing, or I could go out by myself if he's not around, but somehow I don't feel like it tonight. It's late, and this week has been exhausting so far. Maybe I should just take matters in hand, so to speak, and get some sleep.

I grab a towel from the fresher and drop it on the bed along with a tube of lube from my nightstand. I undress and lie down, bending my left knee to give me a slightly better angle... all right, now the lube... there we go. Oh, that's nice. Relaxing, soothing... my mind plays through several of my favorite fantasies. Qui's tongue, gently invading me, making me so hot I can hardly stand it before he fucks me, slowly, filling me and... mmm. That night with Qui and T'nell, when I was bent over the table and T'nell took me from behind while Qui sat under me and sucked my cock -- oh, Force, that's nice. Bail. Force, the way he tasted in the morning before I had to leave, the way we kissed, and... ahhhhhh. I rest for a few seconds before cleaning myself up. It isn't as good as the real thing, but it was just what I needed tonight. I just needed to get off. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.

I wake up with a raging hard-on and am not surprised Qui isn't here to help me deal with it. I wonder where he was last night. Did he spend the night with someone? Wherever he was, he probably had more fun than I did.

I spend most of the day checking the chronometer. Force, it's a slow day, and I get edgier as the day goes on. I should not be acting like this. Bail commed two days ago. He said he didn't know when he was going to be able to get away from his meeting. He said it wouldn't be until after lastmeal, and that he'd try not to be too late. There's no reason to think he'll comm earlier, but that doesn't stop me from checking my commlink to be sure it's on several times an hour.

Class could not be finished soon enough. I have to get out of here. I need to fuck someone, and I need it now. No, on second thought, food first; then fucking. Have to keep my strength up, after all.

I slam my tray down onto the table in the refectory, sitting down hard and taking my frustration out on the stew. All right, Kenobi, it's official: you can be a real grouch when you haven't gotten laid in over a standard day. This is ridiculous. I've had a good week so far. I've had great sex almost every night. I just need something else now. Not the sweet reconnection I had with Qui or the fun, playful sex I had with T'nell -- something different. More intense.

A pair of hands covers my eyes, and a soft voice breathes "Guess who?" into my ear. I take one of the wrists -- the small wrists -- in my hand and swing my surprise companion onto the chair next to mine.

"Padawan Briggs," I drawl. "Imagine my surprise. How are you, Keli?"

"I'm fine. But how are you? I haven't seen you around in a few days."

I shrug. "I've been busy."

"Too busy to go out tonight?"

I raise an eyebrow at him, teasing him. I already know I'm going to say yes, of course, but I wonder what made him ask me this time. "Something in particular happening?"

"There's a wet t-shirt contest at Rising. I thought you might want to join me. I was thinking of entering."

I give him a hard, appraising look. "You'd have a better chance at the 'Great Rising Asses' contest," I tell him. "You've got a few years to go before that chest of yours can compete with some of the men there..."

Keli rolls his eyes at me. "So vote for someone else. I feel like being noticed tonight. Come with me. I could use the company." He narrows his eyes at me. "Something wrong with your commlink?"

I stop mid-reach, realizing I was about to check the damn thing again. Stupid. I knew I wasn't going to get to see him until fairly late tonight. He is not standing me up. I shake my head at Keli. "No, it's nothing."

"Expecting a call from someone?"

I roll my eyes at him and turn back to my stew. I can still feel Keli's eyes on me. I look back at him. "What?"

"Gana?" he asks, quietly. He looks concerned.

I let out a breath. "Fuck. What makes you think that?"

"I've been watching you checking your commlink ever since I walked into the refectory."

I frown at him. "You've got to stop watching me so closely."

"It doesn't take much. Not the way you've been acting lately. Obi-Wan, you can't keep expecting him to--"

"No, it's not like that anymore. We caught up." His stare of shock bothers me for reasons I can't explain. "Don't look at me that way. I'm not obsessing anymore."

"Checking your commlink four times in ten minutes isn't exactly--"

"Look, shut up," I snap. He frowns at me. "It was a misunderstanding. He was off-planet and couldn't comm. He's back now. I'm fine."

"Does he finally have a name?" Keli asks. "Do you actually know anything about him at this point?"

"His name is Bail, and yes, I know a great deal about him." I flash him a grin. "Except when he's going to comm tonight. I've got time to go out with you if the offer's still open."

"Always." He gives me a hard, almost piercing look, which is unsettling coming from someone as young and angelic as Keli. Then he nods, finally letting the subject drop. Thank the Force -- I have the distinct impression he's not done asking me about Bail, but at least he's letting it go for now.

"Getting out of here for the night sounds good," I tell him. "I just need to eat and change clothes before we go. Meet me at my quarters in twenty minutes?"

There's that smile again. It really does light up his face, and I can't help smiling back at him. "Sounds good," he grins. He bounces off the chair and walks off, leaving me to the rest of my dinner in peace.

I stab at a chunk of meat and sigh. First T'nell, now Keli. I don't need my friends worrying about me. I need to go to Rising and fuck my brains out. I need to see Bail. Why is everyone so worried about that? No one has ever questioned me when I'm fucking four different guys a night. Suddenly I see someone more than once and it practically calls for intervention from the Council. Ridiculous. What is everyone so afraid of?

I can smell the sex and sweat the minute we get inside the building. Rising is even warmer and louder than usual tonight, and the pheromones from all these different horny beings are getting to me already. I'm getting laid before I leave tonight. This is exactly what I needed.

The commlink ends up stuffed into my pocket. I start out uncomfortably aware of its presence, but it's quickly forgotten as I scan faces -- or, more accurately, bodies. Too short. Too muscular. Too tall. There's one with potential -- no, too blond. Keli tugs me toward the bar, and I get a drink, which he splits with me. I probably shouldn't let him drink, but then again, I've never seen him get plastered to the point where he couldn't take care of himself. He seems to know his limits, but I'll try to keep an eye on him until I'm sure he's fine. Oh, the hardship. He's ridiculously cute; I'm not the only one with my eyes on him tonight.

He finishes my drink and tugs me onto the dance floor, running his hands up my sides and pulling my arms over my head, then grinding against me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He feels good, and I close my eyes and let the bass beat of the music pound through me. I can feel it in my chest as I dance. Keli feels good -- I find myself thinking about the night he approached me and I took out a frustrated, angry mood on him. He's reassured me that I don't need to feel guilty about my actions that night, which is good, because I never did manage much guilt. I enjoyed being that rough a little too much. I wouldn't want to fuck him like that again, but fucking someone hard like that -- sometimes that's exactly what I need.

His hip brushes against mine, and I feel the commlink stab into my leg. I have to resist the urge to check it again. It vibrates, for fuck's sake; even if I didn't hear the buzzing over the music, I'd feel it go off. I pull Keli a little closer, pressing my groin into his, feeling him getting half-hard under his clothes. I lean forward and suck on his neck, still dancing, letting myself get a little distracted. It chases away that uncomfortable feeling of being kept waiting. I don't have to wait for anyone; I can find whatever I want here, tonight.

Keli pulls away a little. "You really do need it, don't you?" he teases. "Who's the lucky victim tonight?"

I haven't really stopped looking, even while distracted by Keli. There are so many hot men here tonight, and a few of them look like they could be good for a fuck, they -- there. I spot a tall man leaning against a pillar, not dancing, just watching the crowd. He has shaggy black hair that's falling into his face, and his body is -- Force, he's in great shape. He looks about ten years older than me, and he's alone. In fact, no one is approaching him, which surprises me. He's fucking gorgeous.

Keli turns to see who I've zeroed in on, and I nod at the man standing against the pillar. Keli shakes his head, shivering a bit. "Not for me, thanks," he says, voice loud in my ear to fight the music. "I don't like his eyes."

"I do." The dark-haired man's eyes are narrowed, scanning the room, as if trying to figure out tonight's target. I know that look. I've been giving it to the men in this club all night long. It doesn't scare me. I drop my hand down to Keli's ass and squeeze tight. "Don't wait up."

"Who does, with you?" he teases. He gropes me back and lets me go.

I make my way over to the dark-haired man, and his eyes cut through the crowd to focus on me. I don't break his gaze. It's so dark in here, and the lights are making his skin glow different colors -- red, then green, then blue, then red again. His cheek is marked with a scar, almost a perfect circle, with one small break in it -- I wonder how he came by that. It makes him look even more dangerous than he did from a distance. Maybe that's why he hasn't been approached -- the kind of man who'd want to hold onto his scars could be intimidating to a lot of people. Their loss. He's mine, tonight. I push up against him, pressing him into the pillar with my body, looking up at him. "Haven't seen you before," I tell him.

"I'm new in town," he says. I can't place his accent -- maybe I've never heard it before. I like that. Novelty is something you can't get in these clubs very often -- no matter what you want, it's been done, and someone probably makes a profession out of it. I circle my hips and press into him, harder. His smile broadens, and he wraps his arms around me. I can feel his erection growing, pressing into my stomach, and I'm sure he can feel the way mine is pressing into his thigh. He bends his head forward and kisses me.

The taste of mint hits me first, and then the subtle taste of Heffas behind it. He's been sucking Heffas, has he? Interesting. I can already feel my mouth tingling from the traces of it. His tongue swirls around my mouth, and leaves a path of icy-warm sensation behind. He pulls back, and his eyes lock onto mine. He leans forward and puts his mouth next to my ear.

"I don't want to know who you are. I don't want to know your name, or where you come from, or anything about you. I want to take you into the back room and suck on you until you're begging for mercy, and then I want you to fuck me until I bleed. Can you do that for me?"

Fuck.

I thrust up against him. "You're on," I tell him.

"Want a mint?" He grins at me and slips a pair of Heffas mints into his mouth. I lean up and press my mouth to his, and he passes one to me, thrusting his tongue into my mouth, leaving the rough, round mint behind. I can already feel the Heffas seeping into my mouth, can feel the way it's affecting me. I'm getting so hard now that it hurts, and I want him. Now.

I pull away and grab him by the arm, pulling him back to the back room with me. The people at the club part as we walk through them, and even the men in the back room pause a bit as the two of us step in. There's an intensity surrounding him that I want to drown myself in, and I'm echoing it here. It feels good -- scary, dangerous, sexy as hell. We find an empty space on a wall and I spin around, slamming back against it. I fist my hand in the front of his shirt and yank him down to his knees. He rips the front of my pants open as quickly as he can and then fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck fuck fuck the Heffas practically sets me on fire, practically freezes me, as his tongue slides around me, curling around me as he swallows me whole. Whole, all at once, and it's too good, oh, fuck, I can't possibly last through this...

I have to pull myself slightly out of the moment to focus on not coming. This was exactly what I needed, though; a nice anonymous fuck with someone I'm not going to see again. Something to take the edge off while I'm waiting for Bail. Force, he's good at this; he's sucking, and the muscles of his throat contract around my cock and ohhhh fuck, I don't know how I'm going to stand it. I hiss and put one hand in his hair, fisting it and pulling hard, thrusting now, completely losing myself in sensation. The skin on my cock is tingling from the Heffas, half-burning and half-freezing, and I want nothing more than to hold his head still while I fuck his mouth hard.

I lose my focus as images of doing just that, holding him still and fucking his mouth, flow at the surface of my mind, hot and vivid. And then I feel a whisper against my thoughts, a rough one, a mind looking for entry. It surprises me, even though it probably shouldn't. That intensity, the way he intimidated everyone who looked at him, being the sort of man who'd keep a scar -- so he's a Jedi. Big fucking deal. I brush his thoughts away from mine, and he backs off.

Backs off mentally. Physically, he's got me down his throat so deep that I'm close to begging, like he wanted me to. I clench my jaw, fighting the urge. I reach out and fist both hands in his hair, pulling hard enough that it must hurt. He only groans around my cock and lets me. I can sense pleasure in him, great enormous bursts of it, as he keeps his teeth covered and I fuck him. He's not even trying to shield. I can feel how much he wants this, know he wants it exactly like this, and right now, so do I -- but I'm not letting him in. I pull my shields up tighter to get out of his head a little more, and go back to concentrating on my own feelings. Fuck, he's good. His tongue is rough and his lips are soft -- oh, fuck, it's good, it's good, it's so good -- I stop when I'm just at the edge of orgasm and push him away from me.

"You still want me to fuck you until you bleed?" I pant. "How hard do you want it?"

His eyes are bright. "As hard as you can give it to me." He rubs his jaw a bit, wincing, and I laugh as I fish for a barrier in my pocket. My hand brushes against my commlink, but I ignore it for now. I have to fuck this guy, have to get inside him, now.

He drops his pants and gets on his hands and knees. I roll the barrier onto my erection, and am grateful it will partially block some of the sensations -- I'm too close already, and it's going to be difficult not coming as soon as I get inside him. I kneel behind him and shove into him, hard.

He groans, and I groan with him. He's not the tightest I've ever had, but the leftover sensations from the Heffas are making him seem -- fuck, he feels good. I hold onto his hips and thrust into him, again, and he shudders underneath me, groaning more.

Fuck, this is -- I wanted this, tonight, wanted someone who just wanted me to fuck him this way, someone who wanted me to fuck him until we were both dizzy. And I'm dizzy already, partially high and very horny thanks to the Heffas, and the scent of him under me is making me want to rip his shirt off and lick one long stroke down the center of his back. I close my eyes and give myself over to need, pounding into him, making him cry out, feeling him broadcasting pain and pleasure, sensations mingling in a combination that nearly takes my breath away. I speed up, and suddenly he's coming, teeth closed sharply over a long, low growl that seems to start at the base of his spine. I close my eyes, and a few sharp thrusts later I'm coming, too, gritting my own teeth against the scream that wants to tear itself out of my chest. I collapse onto his back, panting desperately, and he manages to support us both on his arms. Fucking beautiful arms. I didn't notice before. Oh, fuck. That was everything I wanted. That was just what I needed.

A soft buzzing noise penetrates my lust-fogged mind, and after a few seconds I realize what it is -- my commlink. I scramble backwards, pulling out of the guy in front of me, and dig through my pocket for my commlink. I answer it -- it's quiet enough back here that I'll be able to hear him. "Don't disconnect, I'm here," I pant.

There's a moment of dead silence on the other end of the line. For a moment I think I picked up too late, but then Bail says, "I'm done for the night. Are you still interested in seeing me?"

"Of course."

"Or are you busy?"

"No, no, I'm not busy. I want to see you. When do you want me to meet you?" Another block of dead silence. I'm starting to wonder if there's some kind of interference in the commlink connection. "Bail?"

"Whenever you can get here."

"I'll be there as soon as I can get a cab."

"Fine."

Bail breaks off the link, and I shove my commlink into my pocket. I pull the barrier off my cock, tossing it aside, noting from the stains on it that I did make him bleed a bit. I grimace. "You all right?" I ask the guy.

"I'm fine," he says. "Where the fuck are you going?"

"What's it to you?" I fire back. He rolls over, and I see him wince a bit as his ass hits the floor. I feel a slight pang of guilt. "Do you need me to help you with...?"

"Please," he scoffs. "Get the fuck out of here."

"Look, I--"

He grabs my shirt and pulls me forward, pulls me into a hot, deep, angry kiss. I'm surprised as hell, but damn, he's a good kisser. I kiss back until he shoves me away. He smirks at me. "I'm fine," he tells me. "I got what I asked for. You were ever-so-fucking-fantastic."

"So were you." I smile at him. "You sure you're all right?"

"Fuck, stop asking already. Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Yeah." But I'm still staring at him, at that broken-circle scar on his cheek, those ice-blue eyes, and... fuck. I usually make it a point not to fuck anyone in these clubs more than once, but I've never had it like that before. And he was very good. I grin at him. "I'm here a lot," I tell him. "Maybe we'll hook up again sometime."

"Yeah," he says, looking half-interested, half-annoyed. What the fuck does that expression mean? What the hell; it doesn't matter. I get to my feet, take one last look at him -- damn, he's hot -- and leave.

I'm grinning ear to ear as I finally make my way up the elevator at Bail's and ring the chime at his door. The Heffas has worn down enough that I'm not achingly horny anymore, just high and happy and glowing.

The door opens, and Bail greets me with about three-quarters of a smile. He looks tired, frustrated, weary. "Bad meeting?" I ask. He steps aside and lets me in. Even three-quarters of a smile looks good, and Force, I'm glad to see him. "Here. Let me get your mind off it..." I reach out for him, still grinning, and pull him close for a kiss.

For a moment, he just stands there, letting me kiss him, and then he breaks away. My reaction time is slowed a little by the Heffas. He has to push fairly firmly against my chest before I get the point, but when I do, I let him go immediately. The look on his face is slightly icy, and it makes my head spin a little. "Sorry," I tell him.

"I'm sure," he says.

He sounds very cold, and I don't know why. He doesn't want me to kiss him, even touch him; that much was clear. What do you do to comfort someone if you can't hold him? "Is something the matter? Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

"Gods, can you possibly be that naive?" he asks, and that tone slices into me, feeling like it's cut flesh. I pull my arms up to my chest and hug my elbows, amazed that I'm not bleeding. "Do you think I don't know where you were?"

"I was at Rising," I tell him, so confused I think my head is going to start spinning. "I came here as soon as you called. I've been looking forward to seeing you all week."

Disbelief graces his features for a moment before he pulls that cloak of elegant, practiced neutrality around himself. Force, it's so much worse than when someone shields. Shielding stops the feelings from hanging in the air where you can touch them, but it doesn't stop you from knowing that the feelings are there. I have no idea what he's thinking when he looks like that. I can't read him at all. Why does he look like that? What did I do?

He turns on his heel and stalks off toward the door that leads to his bedroom, and I'm still high enough on the Heffas to follow him, even though something feels wrong about this. My head is so fuzzy, and suddenly I'm not as glad to be here as I thought I would be. I wish he'd just stop, wish he'd let me catch up to him and hold him. He doesn't stop until he's at his nightstand, where he yanks open a drawer and digs out a barrier packet. He turns around and slaps me in the chest with it. I try to grab his hand, but he slips it out of my grasp. I'm left holding one of these damned barriers, and it's not what I want at all.

"Bail, what's wrong?"

He shakes his head. "What could possibly be wrong?" He starts unbuttoning his shirt, getting out of it fast, throwing it aside and then starting on his pants. Before I know what to say, he's naked, and he climbs onto his bed and positions himself on all fours. "Get over here and fuck me."

"Bail, for pity's sake, what's the matter with you?"

"Nothing. You want to fuck? Come on. Fuck me and then get out."

I toss the barrier away from me as if it's burning my hand. "Why are you saying this?" I whisper. I walk around the bed, comb my fingers through his hair, try to get him to look at me. He pulls away from me, turning gracefully, stretching out on his back and staring up at the ceiling. I climb up on the bed and sit down next to him. I want to reach out, want to hold him more than anything, but I can't. I'm afraid to touch him. The look on his face is blank, like the first few times we met, when neither one of us knew whether we could trust each other. It's scaring the shit out of me. I don't know what's going on.

"Bail?"

"Why Rising?" he asks. His voice is low, and he doesn't look at me. His face stays neutral. I shake my head. I don't know what he wants to hear. "How many men did you fuck before you got here?" he asks.

"Just... just one." I stumble over the words. "I was -- I wasn't in a great mood today. I wanted to blow off some steam, and you weren't going to be free until later. A friend of mine wanted to go out, so I went. I hooked up with someone. I don't even know what his name was. It was just a fuck. It didn't mean anything." I stop abruptly. Why am I so desperate to let him know that it didn't mean anything? Yes, things with him are different, but why does it matter to me what he thinks of my sex life? Why is he so angry with me? Qui has never cared when I came home reeking of sex... I can think of any number of times when I've walked into his bedroom after I went out alone, and he had me pinned to the wall, or the floor, or the mattress, in a matter of seconds.

I realize I've been silent for quite some time, and Bail still hasn't looked at me. He is staring intently at the ceiling, gaze so focused that I almost want to look up myself to see what he's staring at. "Bail--"

I reach out and put a hand on his shoulder. I expect him to brush it off, but he doesn't. Instead, he takes a deep breath, blinks hard a few times, and goes back to staring intently back at the ceiling. Finally, he asks, "Why are you here?"

I reach out and put a hand on his shoulder. I expect him to brush it off, but he doesn't. Instead, he takes a deep breath, blinks hard a few times, and goes back to staring intently back at the ceiling. Finally, he asks, "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you." My throat feels so tight I can barely get the words out. "Do you want me to go?" I feel like I'm choking. I don't know how I'll manage to stand, let alone walk, if he asks me to go. But if he doesn't want me here, I'll leave.

I can feel the way his chest rises and falls, now that my hand is on his shoulder. He feels cold under my hand, cold and tense. His breathing is not only even, it's measured. He still won't look at me. He asks, "Does it matter what I want?"

"Force, Bail. Yes, of course it matters." The words break through the ache in my throat, and it feels good to say them. I run my hand from his shoulder down to his hand, and take his hand in mine, threading my fingers through his. His hand is limp, not reaching for me the way I was reaching for him, but he lets me take it, moves his fingers apart to make room for mine. The ache in my throat gets worse with this, and I don't understand why. I want, so badly, to say the right thing now. I want him -- need him -- to believe me. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd mind that I went out. I was so damn excited when my commlink finally buzzed." I laugh a little, because it's that or break down, and I don't think I can handle breaking down in front of him. Force, I hate this, I hate having my emotions so close to the surface like this. This is one of the reasons I should never do Heffas. "I've been looking forward to seeing you all week long."

He covers his face with a hand, and I can see from the way his jaw relaxes that he's dropped the neutral expression on his face. I wish I could tell what he's thinking. I can't read his expression, but I can see the way he's holding himself -- too rigid, muscles tense, and he's stopped taking those long, measured breaths. His chest is moving oddly -- erratic, spotty breathing, as if he's having to hold his breath from time to time because breathing hurts. I feel a corresponding ache in my chest, and stop watching, confused at my own reaction. I'm not empathic, most of the time, and there's no reason watching him hurt should bother me so much. I squeeze his hand, and feel his grip tighten on me. He lets his other hand drop away from his face. He has almost the same expression now as he did when he got here, only without that three-quarters of a smile. All that's left is the exhaustion and frustration.

I raise his hand to my lips and kiss each knuckle, gently. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

He shakes his head. "Stupid of me, really. I know what you are. I should have expected this. You don't need to apologize."

I freeze. I let his hand drop. "What I am?" I repeat. "What am I? What do you think I'm here for?"

He pushes up onto his hands, finally turning toward me and looking me in the eyes. The neutral look is gone, and he looks angry now. "You're a padawan. You can fuck whoever you want, but you're not allowed to feel anything."

"Oh, fuck that." I put a hand to my head. I can't think straight. There's not a word he said that isn't true, but it feels wrong, and it hurts like hell to hear him say it. I don't know what's happening to me. My chest still aches. I take a few deep breaths. "You can't really think I was just here to fuck you," I tell him.

"Why else would you be here?"

"I don't know." Force, this hurts. What's wrong with me? I can't think clearly enough to reach inside myself and center, to figure out what's wrong with my chest, to shake off the effects of the Heffas. Can't purge it fast enough. "I'm sorry about the way I looked tonight. I would have gone home and showered first, but I was so damned excited about seeing you... and then you looked like that, like it was a long day, and I just wanted to make you feel better. Then you started looking at me like that, and I still don't understand. Just talk to me. Please."

He tugs my hand away from my face and makes me look at him. His eyes are dark, serious, but not angry anymore. I focus on them, and it helps me center. I just focus on that for a while, trying to get my thoughts clear again.

"You went out tonight?" he asks, softly.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Lonely. Horny. I don't know." My thoughts are clearing, but very slowly. I close my eyes and concentrate. The fog lifts a little more. "I thought it was what I needed. It didn't occur to me that you would mind." I look at him and try to laugh. "You said it yourself -- you know what I am. It's what padawans do." The words are so bitter they make my stomach hurt. When did I start feeling this way?

"I shouldn't have said that," Bail tells me. His voice is still very soft. "I'm sorry for getting angry with you." I hear him take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before letting it go, and I wonder if he's releasing his pain somewhere. I can't feel it, really, but the pressure in my chest eases a bit. "Go shower. I'd prefer you not come to me smelling of someone else."

Finally, something concrete. Something I can do. Easy. "Then I won't." I tilt my head up, and he kisses me, very softly, just barely covering my lips with his. He's gentle and hesitant, and I want more, but I don't want to push him right now. I just want to be close to him. I wrap my arms around him, and I moan softly as he brings his arms up and holds me close.

This is why I'm here. I melt into him. This is what I've needed all week. He pulls away from the kiss, but keeps holding me. I feel like I could stay here forever.

Bail kisses my forehead, then brushes soft kisses over my closed eyes. I look at him. He grins at me, but then gets distracted and runs his tongue over his teeth, frowning. "What do you taste like?"

"Heffas." The blank expression on his face doesn't change, so I explain. "It's an aphrodisiac, and it makes your skin go hot and cold and tingle a bit if someone's been sucking on some and then they go down on you--"

"More information than I needed." He pushes me quite firmly away from him. "Can you wash it out of your mouth?"

"If you still have that toothbrush you lent me the last time I was here, yes."

"Good. Then do it, and I'll be here waiting for you when you're clean."

I pull myself away from him and head for the shower, shedding my clothes along the way. My chest still feels tight, and my skin is crawling just a little. I don't know why I feel this way suddenly -- I want that shower, want to forget what I did at Rising tonight. I have to rummage through his drawers before I find toothpaste and the toothbrush he lent me when I was here before. I brush my teeth carefully, and the tingling sensation gradually lessens. I turn to the shower, where I turn on the spray and climb in. Bail's soap smells like autumn on a forest planet, and I close my eyes, letting the scent fill me. The smell of sweat and sex washes off me, and I turn around and lean back, getting my hair wet under the spray...

I hear the shower door open, and turn to see Bail climb in with me. I smile at him and pull him into my arms, spinning him around so he's under the water with me. I just hold him, pressing up against him while the water runs over us both. He buries his face in my shoulder and hugs me tight. I hug back. Oh, Force, I've needed this. Just this, just being in his arms. How did I go four days without feeling this way? How did I manage the months before that?

"I'm sorry for overreacting," he says. "We've never talked about this. There's no way you could have known what was going to bother me."

I kiss his neck, sucking gently on the skin there. He hums and shifts against me, and I rest my head on his shoulder. "I waited all day to hear from you. I could barely think straight. Going out was the only thing that kept me from climbing the walls."

"I spent most of the day climbing the walls myself." He bends his head down and leaves tiny kisses down my neck and across my shoulder. "I spent all day thinking about how you'd sound on the comm when I finally got to call you. The first thing I heard was the music. And the groaning. I was expecting you to tell me to fuck off, that you didn't need to see me after all."

Force, that hurts. "I would never have said that. What happens in the clubs is just sex. It's getting off. It doesn't mean anything."

"I know." He rubs his cheek against my shoulder. "I'm from Alderaan, remember. We don't do that sort of thing. Sex always means something to me." He laughs a little. "I should know better. I met you in the clubs. I know how padawans behave. I only thought... it doesn't matter." He tips my head up so he can kiss me again. I wrap my arms around his waist, kiss him back, and then just hold him. He feels so good. Just holding him is enough.

He murmurs something, but I don't catch it. "What's that?" I ask.

"This is very foolish," he murmurs, louder this time.

My chest twists again. "What is?"

"Caring so much. I hardly know you."

"You know more about me than almost anyone," I tell him. "You ask me questions no one else seems to realize exist. I feel like I can share things with you that I can't share with anyone else. Even my master." He looks down at me, frowning a little, confused, maybe. "I want you to know me," I tell him. "I want you to... care about me."

"And you?" He pushes me back a little so the water runs over my shoulders. I duck my head under the spray, then shake my head, spraying him with droplets. I put my mouth to his chest, licking, tasting water and skin and... "Do you care about me?" he asks.

Attachment is forbidden. I feel something strangely familiar curling up from the pit of my stomach, something I haven't felt in a long time, not since Melida/Daan. I don't want to name it. I know it should scare the hell out of me. You aren't supposed to become emotionally attached to anyone. I know what this feeling is, know what it tastes like, and I didn't think I was ever going to feel it again. It's defiance, and it tastes hard and sharp, like ice and steel. Do you care about me?, he asked, and I know what my answer is. I know what my answer means. I pull Bail close and bury my face in his neck.

"Yes."

FIN