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Archive: MA, QAJ

Category: Q/Other, POV (T'nell), First Time

Rating: NC-17

Summary: T'nell tries to help patch things up between Qui and Obi after the events of "Coming Out".

Feedback: Yes -- good, bad, or ugly, onlist or off.

Disclaimer: Lucas and stuff, not making money, and on and on.

Warnings: Yes, it's an OMC POV story! Those of you following QAJ should know T'nell by now. If not, see "Hands Clean," "Number Theory," "Rising," "Spellbound," and "Coming Out."

Notes: Emma and Rita, as always, deserve much groveling and thanking for the beta. You would not believe how much better my stuff is thanks to these talented women. Incidentally, Rita thought up the title "Hypotenuse" and Emma encouraged me to use it. For those of you who are not math geeks, the hypotenuse is the side of a right triangle opposite the right angle. You can ferret out more meaning from it if you want, or chalk it up to a geek's love for geeky titles.

QAJ's list-o-stories is findable at http://www.queerasjedi.net/index2.html.

Click here for the complete episode list.

Last night could have gone better. As far as Siri is concerned, it went great, so that much is good. I guess no one other than myself and Keli noticed the way Master Jinn and Obi-Wan stormed out of the club, and since I'd already paid my respects to the birthday girl, all I had to do was give her a kiss and a grope and tell her it was getting late. I think that's just as well; there wasn't going to be anything she could do except worry about both of them, and there was no need to spoil her party. From what I could tell, she was having a great night. She certainly broke my Coming Out record.

Keli caught me as I was leaving and asked if I wanted him to do anything. I know he'd seen what was going on with Master Jinn and Obi-Wan; actually, I was the one who sent him over to distract them after Siri pointed out the way they were snarling at each other at the bar. I told Keli not to worry, and suggested he stay and flirt with Siri. He blushed. Ah, to be 17 again. What a sweet kid.

By the time I got back to the Temple, though, both Obi-Wan and Master Jinn had disappeared. I tried comming Obi-Wan, but didn't get an answer. I left a message for him asking him to comm me when he got in or woke up, no matter what time it was. I would have loved to have sent a message to Master Jinn, too, but for some reason, despite the night we spent together (well, together with Obi-Wan), despite the way I've flirted with him, I just can't bring myself to reach out to him as an equal. Not unless sex is guiding the way. I've "had" probably two dozen masters at this point, but I never really feel like I can talk to them. I can talk to my own master, but I've never had her.

At any rate, Obi-Wan commed me this morning and asked if he could meet me after our classes today. I agreed, and now I'm back in my quarters, waiting, doing some reading for my Intergalactic Children's Literature class, which is part of a series of classes my master suggested I take when she noticed how the crechelings and initiates seem to take to me. I'm just marveling at the truly bloodthirsty nature of some of these tales when the door chimes.

"Come in!"

The door slides open and Obi-Wan walks in. He looks awful, as if he didn't sleep all night. He winces at the concern on my face and raises a hand.

"It's nothing." I just stare at him. He sighs. "You're right, it's not nothing, but I don't want to talk about it right now."

"All right. For now." I stand up and walk over to him, engulfing him in a hug. He hugs back, tightly, and his breath catches a bit. "Why don't we get out of here for the evening?" He stiffens in my arms, and I pull back to look at him. "Not in a clubbing mood?" I ask.

He laughs a bit. "No."

"Terrific!" This makes him raise an eyebrow at me, but at least I get a smile out of it. "How about a nice, quiet dinner? Just the two of us. There's this place one of the masters told me about -- it's supposed to be wonderful."

He shrugs, and the smile fades a little. "That's fine."

"Go get dressed. Something nice." I squeeze his shoulders. "Not that you aren't stunning in your tunics, of course, but you'll feel better in something... hmm... green?"

"Maybe I should let you pick it out for me," he teases.

My eyes light up. "You shouldn't say things like that unless you mean them."

An expression of horror passes over his face, but only for a moment. "All right," he says, admitting defeat. You'd think he'd be grateful, wouldn't you? I actually have taste, unlike the other padawan in this room, who usually wears black because he can't be bothered to find colors that match. I suppose we can't all have my inborn sense of style. It's a pity my efforts usually go unappreciated. He actually looks frightened at the prospect of my picking out clothes for him.

I sniff a little. "You don't mean it."

"Sure I do." He tries to put on a more enthusiastic expression. "You can pick out anything you want."

"Oh, then--"

"Within reason."

My face falls -- fashion should never be a slave to reason -- but I bow at the waist. "My dear Padawan Kenobi, I'd be honored."

Thirty minutes later -- which is a record for me, I might add -- I have him in a green button-down shirt and dark blue trousers. He vetoed my accessory ideas, but at least I got him into some color. Much better! It does brighten his appearance considerably, and I say as much.

He smirks. "T'nell, you must be the most fashion-conscious padawan on Coruscant."

"Why, thank you." I wrap an arm around his shoulders, and he wraps one around my waist. We head out to get a taxi.

Once in the taxi, Obi-Wan falters a few times, then finally manages to get out a full sentence. "I owe you an apology."

I'm honestly surprised. "For what?"

He looks uncomfortable, but pushes on. "I got in the way last night. When you were flirting with my master." He pauses. "I'm sorry. It was possessive and unnecessary."

I don't know what to say to that. I had been a little miffed at first, when Master Jinn seemed to be interested, when I thought I had a chance. I try to break up the uncomfortable silence with a smile. "You've always been a little possessive of your master. It's all right."

"No. No, it's not. I shouldn't have interfered. It wasn't fair to either of you." He looks up at me. "If you want to see more of him, I won't get in the way again."

There's something in his eyes that bothers me, but I can't identify it. I think he means this, but there's still something wrong. What is it? "Did you and Master Jinn... sever that part of your relationship last night?" I ask. That's as tactfully as I can think to put it.

He winces, then shrugs. "I'm not really sure what happened last night."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head. "Things just went bad between us. And I don't know if it's my fault for pushing him the way I have been for the last few weeks, or..." He takes a deep breath. "I was very rude to him last night. I really don't have much of an excuse for my behavior. I've been on edge lately."

"I've noticed," I tell him, which is putting it lightly. He's been uncharacteristically irritable since getting back from Ferri Prime, and I'm not the only one who's seen it. I'm still trying to puzzle out what's happened between Master Jinn and Obi-Wan, and not getting anywhere. "Did something happen on Ferri Prime?"

"Not exactly." He laughs, but it sounds sad. "I'm sorry. I'm terrible company tonight."

"Nonsense. You're Obi-Wan Kenobi. You are never terrible company." I kiss his ear and reach over to tug lightly on his braid. He jerks for a second and pulls it out of my grasp. I'm a little shocked. "What did I do?"

"Nothing. Sorry," he says. I wonder if I should start keeping track of how many times he's apologized tonight, how many times he's said the word "nothing". Maybe going out tonight wasn't such a good idea. Something happened last night -- something much bigger than I initially thought. This wasn't just a fight.

He turns away for a moment, then leans closer to me, letting me wrap an arm around him. "It was a pretty bad night. I shouldn't have invited him." He pauses. "I waited up for him last night. He didn't come home."

"Did you want him to?"

"Not really." He stiffens in my arms. "No, I don't mean it like that. I don't think he meant to hurt me. I don't think he knew what was going on, either."

Alarm klaxons sound in my head, and I try to get a look at his eyes. "What happened?"

"Fuck. Nothing. Never mind, all right?"

I can't think of anything to say, so I stay quiet. Didn't mean to hurt him? What the hell happened?

"I wasn't able to track him down all day, and I really want to see him now. I don't suppose you have any idea where he's gone?"

"No. I'm sorry." I hold him a little closer. "If there's anything I can do for you, I'm here. You know that."

"Thank you, T'nell."

He turns his face up, lips seeking mine, and I kiss him. It's a kiss that speaks of the need for comfort, for friendship. I guess we've always been better at comforting each other without words than with them. I find myself responding to the kiss despite myself, so I make sure to keep my hands from wandering. He's such a good kisser, even when it's just a simple, sweet "thank you" kiss. He's lingering now, his lips still soft, still needy. He doesn't touch me, doesn't seem interested in more, but this is going on much longer than I expected it to. What happened last night? Master Jinn left looking stunned and almost injured; Obi-Wan came out from the back room a minute or two later, looking frustrated and upset. And he doesn't look any better now, not really. Hurt? Obi-Wan got hurt? What in the name of the Unifying Force...?

I pull away, leaving a few short kisses on his mouth, and press my forehead against his, holding him. I hear him take a few long breaths, and he seems much more relaxed in my arms now. I'm glad. I close my eyes, just feeling him close to me, and I wish I knew what to do next.

The taxi comes to a stop, and we step out. Obi-Wan stands on the landing pad for a few seconds, staring at the awning with the restaurant's name printed on the side. "Something wrong?" I ask.

"No, not at all." He squares his shoulders and follows me into the restaurant. It's called Balikk's, and the master who told me about it said it's one of the best-kept secrets on Coruscant. The staff is discreet, and the tables are set apart far enough to make you feel like you have some privacy. The food is supposed to be excellent as well. All in all, the expensive nature of the place seems a small price to pay for not having to ward off holograph-seekers over the soup course. Sometimes I like that kind of attention, actually, but I don't think either Obi-Wan or I are in the mood tonight.

The hostess smiles as we enter, and her smile is particularly bright for Obi-Wan. I scan the restaurant for other bits of scenery, maybe ones not so attracted to the short, ruddy-haired type. A flash of blonde hair catches my attention, and I look away from Obi-Wan and the hostess to see a stunning woman walking past with a tray of drinks balanced on one hand. She glances my way for just a moment and smiles, and I wink at her. She doesn't appear to catch it. Maybe I'll see her again in a few minutes.

The hostess shows us to a table, and I slide into a nice comfortable chair. Obi-Wan pauses. "Give me a second. I'll be back."

I shoo him away, looking for the cute blonde waitress again. "Go ahead. No hurry."

He disappears, and to my delight, the cute blonde waitress heads my way, carrying menus. She places one in front of Obi-Wan's empty seat and hands me the other. "Welcome to Balikk's. Have you been here before?" she asks.

I lean forward. "No, but if I'd realized someone as beautiful as you would be seeing to my every need, I would have come much sooner." I wink. She lowers her eyes, smiling a little before raising them back to meet mine.

"As long as you'd come again," she says. Excellent comeback. The hostess who was too interested in Obi-Wan to flirt with me has nothing on this woman. I definitely got the better bargain. So did the blonde, as I'm interested in females and Obi isn't.

I grin at the blonde and continue in the same general line of thinking. "I'd come as often as possible."

She clears her throat. "Shall I tell you what the specials are tonight, or would you rather wait for your friend?"

"I rather like having your undivided attention." I smile again, looking into her eyes. "Tell me everything."

She outlines the night's specials, and my attention wanders as I start picturing her mouth forming words less along the lines of "husral fish with mango-papaya salsa" and more along the lines of "yes, T'nell, oh, right there." I wonder whether I can convince her to take a few minutes off to join me in the kitchen or a storeroom or something. Perhaps when Obi-Wan gets back.

I order the oyster appetizer, along with wine, and wink. She smiles at me and heads off, but I catch her looking back in my direction a few times as she goes.

I crane my head around, trying to see if there's any sign of Obi-Wan. This is turning into a fairly long piss, assuming that's what he went off to do. No sign of my fellow padawan, but some of the people around here are much more famous than a pair of Jedi -- I spot at least three supermodels, and the girl in the corner with paperwork on her table is a senator's aide -- assistant to the junior senator from Alderaan, I think. I've seen her on the news a few times. And she's not alone: though the chair across from her is empty at the moment, there's a half-full glass of wine at the other place setting, and a napkin thrown carelessly on the table. I wonder if this was a business dinner with the new junior senator, by any chance? What a shame he's off somewhere at the moment; I would have loved getting a glimpse of him.

I have a mind well-trained to handle several lines of thought at once, so I have no trouble picturing the very hot new junior senator from Alderaan while coming up with my next line to use on the waitress and wondering where Obi-Wan has run off to. The last question is solved when he comes back up to the table, grinning from ear to ear.

"That took long enough," I begin, but he cuts me off.

"T'nell, I'm really sorry, but I have to go."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Now? But we just got here."

"Yes, well... something came up."

The look on his face is excited, animated, and very happy. It's the first time I've seen him like this in weeks. He leans down and kisses my cheek. "Thanks for taking me out tonight, T'nell," he tells me. "You don't know how much I appreciate it."

"You'll have to show me later," I tell him. He winks. "Are you going to be back tonight?"

"Force, I hope not."

"Should I say something to Master Jinn, if I see him?"

His face falls a bit. He chews on his lower lip for a second. "Yes, if you would. Tell him I'm not angry with him."

Not angry with him? What happened last night? Well, I certainly won't be getting any answers from Obi-Wan tonight. I nod at him, but my thoughts are racing. "It won't be the same coming from me, but if I do see him, I'll let him know."

"Thank you."

I regard him for a moment. "Did you meet someone while you were gone?"

The grin is back, and his eyes are absolutely sparkling. "Possibly."

"Are you going to introduce me?" Have I ever seen him this way before? I crane my head around, trying to figure out who he might have met. No one is standing around watching him; all the attractive men in this room are engaged in eating and talking to their companions.

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "Maybe next time. Good night, T'nell."

He disappears. Well, now what?

Dinner was excellent, even better than I'd hoped for. I flirted a little more with the cute waitress. All right, a lot more, since I was unexpectedly alone for the evening. But she wouldn't give me her comm frequency, which surprised me. Maybe Balikk's has some kind of policy against doing that sort of thing. I suppose that eliminates the possibility that Obi-Wan ran off with a waiter. I'm surprised he ran off with someone at all. He wasn't interested in going clubbing, so why would sex have appealed to him all of a sudden? Must have been some guy.

I head back to the Temple, my thoughts going back to the reasons I didn't think Obi-Wan would be in the mood to run off with someone tonight. That, in turn, leads me back to thinking about last night, Master Jinn, and Obi-Wan. I wonder if Obi-Wan is all right. I wonder what, exactly, Master Jinn did not mean to do. Someone is going to need to get to the bottom of this, and I don't think either of them wants it to be a soul-healer, so that leaves mutual friends. And now that I think of it, I may be the closest thing they have. I doubt Obi-Wan would really want to talk about this with one of Master Jinn's friends, all of whom are masters and tend to intimidate even the most confident padawans. I can't imagine Master Jinn having a serious conversation about Obi-Wan with Keli or Garen or Bant.

That leaves me. I sigh. I care about both of them, I really do, never mind that Master Jinn still makes me feel like an initiate sometimes. If I know Obi-Wan, he won't want to talk about this, even though he needs to. If I can figure out what happened, maybe I can figure out how to get them talking to each other. It's certainly worth a try.

Back at the Temple, I head for the quarters Obi-Wan and Master Jinn share and press the door chime. No response. Perhaps Master Jinn still hasn't come home. I frown. That doesn't sound good at all.

I go home and change into my tunics. Master Faelin smiles at me. "You're home early," she says. "How was the restaurant? Balikk's, was it?"

"Yes, Master. It was excellent. Master Pevi was right; the service is outstanding, and the food is even better."

Master Faelin arches an eyebrow at the mention of Master Pevi. She's overlooked my "collecting" for some time now, possibly because she doesn't want to know if she is on my list of masters to conquer. I change the subject. "Master, have you seen Master Jinn this evening?"

Oh -- perhaps that wasn't changing the subject after all. The eyebrow stays arched. "Yes, as a matter of fact. He's been in the gardens all day."

"The gardens?"

"Meditating." The arch disappears as her expression becomes worried. "I don't know what's wrong with him, but he won't talk to anyone."

This is looking worse and worse. I nod. "I'll be home later tonight," I tell her. I don't want her to get the wrong idea, so I add, "I promised Obi-Wan I'd check on Master Jinn for him." I don't think I phrased that quite right. My master doesn't seem too concerned about me, though; she nods at me, and I leave.

Force, I hope Master Jinn is all right. Meditating? All day long? That isn't like him at all. Master Jinn is generally more comfortable doing katas, only centering himself in meditation when he particularly needs the calmness of the Unifying Force. I shouldn't be this worried about him, really. But if even my master is worried about him... I don't want to know what that means.

As soon as I reach the gardens, I can feel something wrong. The room almost ripples with it. It doesn't take me long to figure out where Master Jinn is, and I'm not surprised not to run into anyone while I make my way to him. I think the plants themselves would scurry away if they could. Some of the more ambulatory plants have gotten as far away as possible, vining and twisting themselves around trees at the far edges of the gardens. I resist the urge to do the same, and make my way to where Master Jinn is kneeling on the grass.

Interrupting him now is no small thing. He's obviously here for solitude. On the other hand, this is a public room, and he's been here for hours. Maybe a lot of hours. Swallowing all doubt, I join him.

I sit down in front of him and cross my legs, reaching for my own connection to the Unifying Force. It's brittle, as if it has too much pressure on it, and I can certainly understand why. I loosen my grip a bit, but remain focused on that connection, hoping my meditation will penetrate the edges of Master Jinn's consciousness and help him center.

It takes time, but it does seem to help. The connection grows a little stronger, a little less strained. Eventually, Master Jinn sits back on his heels and looks up at me.

"T'nell," he says, not sounding surprised to see me here at all.

"Hello, Qui-Gon." I want to approach him as a friend, not as a padawan. He sees that in my eyes, and he notices my use of his name instead of his title. He stretches his legs out in front of him, wincing. I don't think he's going to say anything, so I try, a little desperately, to come up with something to say. What was it Obi-Wan wanted me to tell him? That he isn't angry with... no, that's an awful opening line. I don't want Master Jinn -- Qui-Gon -- getting more defensive and withdrawing again. I sigh. When in doubt, go with what works. And what works for me is approaching him physically. I reach out and begin massaging one of his legs. He gasps, at first, wincing even more, but then relaxes into my touch and hums a little as I work some of the tension out of his leg.

"That feels nice," he murmurs.

"Good." I'm tongue-tied again. What do I say next?

"Perhaps you'd be willing to take this somewhere more private?" He takes in my startled expression with a sheepish grin. "I think I may be killing the plant life in here."

"Oh." I pause. "Sure. Your quarters, then?" A pained look crosses his face, this time not from his legs. I add, "Obi-Wan is out for the night." He relaxes a bit, and nods.

I stand up and help him to his feet. His legs wobble under him a bit, and I let him lean on me slightly as we make our way back to his quarters. He leans more heavily on me once we're inside and the door is closed behind us. He pauses, and sniffs at himself. "I..."

"Go take a shower. Use the sonics; you'll loosen up faster. I'll see if I can find some oil so I can give you a massage."

"Thank you." He stumbles off to the shower, a little more brokenly than just his sore legs would account for. He's in terrible shape. I remember Obi-Wan saying I don't think he meant to hurt me. Whatever happened last night, I think Obi-Wan was right about that, and no matter how pissed off or petulant Obi-Wan was, I know he didn't mean to hurt Qui-Gon. But they're both in bad shape, and Qui-Gon looks lost and desperate. I really don't know what's going on. I don't know how to help him.

Maybe I shouldn't have come. I might just make things worse.

I hear the sonics click off in the fresher, and quickly walk into Qui-Gon's room to hunt for massage oil. It's right on his chest-of-drawers, along with... oh, my. What an astonishing selection of lubricants he has. I'm impressed -- I've never even heard of some of these brands. Are those flavored lubricants? I thought most of those tasted awful. Does that one say "root ale"? Root ale and cock? The mind boggles.

The door to the fresher slides open, and I grab the massage oil and turn around, hoping Qui-Gon didn't catch me staring at his lube collection. He's wearing nothing but a towel now, and oh Force, he's beautiful. He is so beautiful my mouth waters. My cock is starting to rise, and I try very hard to convince it to lie down again. Not now, not now...

He smiles for the first time, noticing the effect he's having on me. I didn't come here for this, I really didn't. I just wanted to... oh, damn. Why does he have to look like that? Why does he have to move like that? Why does he have to be the sexiest master on Coruscant?

"Do you--" I am embarrassed beyond belief when my voice breaks. I clear my throat. "Do you still want that massage?"

"Very much," he says. He moves to the bed and sits down on the edge of it. "Will here be all right?"

About the only other place he'd fit is the floor in the common room, and if he's naked out there I don't think I'll be able to concentrate. I'll be much too busy thinking about the night Obi-Wan and I seduced him. I remember how his hands curled around the edge of the table when I took him, how his mouth felt around me... I even let him rim me, which I'd never done before. Oh, I am definitely losing the battle with my erection now. I just have to hope the Jedi tunics will hide it.

"That's fine," I mumble, and he stretches out on his stomach while I bring the oil over. Mercifully, he leaves the towel draped over his hips.

I start at his ankles and slowly, very slowly, work my way up. "How are you feeling?" I ask, knowing it's a stupid question but not really knowing what else to say.

"Sore. Tired." He lets out a sigh. "Better now."

I am halfway up his calves before I think of anything to say. I still don't know how to start this conversation, so I finally just blurt out, "I saw you leave last night." He stiffens a little, but relaxes very quickly under my hands. I still feel awkward, but he hasn't kicked me out yet, so I keep talking. "Obi-Wan said you didn't come home. He was concerned. So was I. Were you in the gardens all night?"

"All night, and all day, and all night again, until you came for me."

"Oh." I'm stuck again. I've moved just above his knees. The temptation to bend my head down and lick the crease of the back of his knee is almost overpowering. "I took him out to dinner tonight."

Another long, somewhat uncomfortable pause. He finally asks, "How is he?"

"Well, he wasn't doing so well when we left for the restaurant. But then something happened, and he seemed to cheer up. He said he didn't expect to be home tonight." I hesitate, because I don't know how Qui-Gon is going to take this, but I forge on anyway. "He wanted me to tell you that he isn't angry with you."

"He should be," Qui-Gon bites out, and I am shocked by the amount of self-loathing I hear in his voice. Then he stops, and lets out a long breath as I begin rubbing the backs of his thighs. His voice is soft when he continues. "I... think he should be. I don't... I don't quite remember. Not all of it."

"What do you remember?"

The guilt coming off him almost chokes me. I move up the bed and start rubbing his lower back. The angle is fairly awkward, because I can't bring myself to straddle him, not with the erection I'm sporting. He buries his face in his pillow.

"Qui-Gon...?"

I can feel his body trembling under my hands. Sith damn my erection -- I stretch out next to him and wrap him up in my arms and legs, curling my body around him. He turns on his side and wraps himself in me, burying his face in the hollow between my neck and my shoulder. He keeps trembling, and all I can think to do is rub his back in long strokes from waist to shoulder and back again.

"He was very upset with me for fucking Siri, and then I... the next thing I remember..." His voice is so faint I can hardly hear it, but the trembling is coming to an end. He clutches me tight, and I'm starting to notice all his bare skin all over me, his hair loose and falling over the back of his neck, the way he feels pressed up against me... I feel my own twisting sensation of guilt. This is not what I came here for. My erection flags a little at the feeling, and I take a few long breaths, hoping I can get it to go all the way down.

"What's the next thing you remember?" I ask. I don't know if I want to know the answer, but I have to ask. He needs to talk about this, and I don't know where else he's going to turn. Where else can he possibly turn right now?

He pulls back, just a little, and his lips come up to meet mine. I moan into them, all my hard work getting my erection to go down obliterated. He's needy, desperate; I haven't been with someone who felt like this since... no, do not think about that now, this is difficult enough as it is. I have to stop. This isn't fair of me. I want him, but this is not fair to him.

"Qui, please, please..." I pull away, panting. "I shouldn't... you don't really want..."

He freezes. "You don't... want me?"

It almost breaks my heart. I never even dreamed Master Jinn could be so vulnerable. And I can't lie to him. "Of course I want you."

"Then please..." He kisses me again, and I sink into his embrace, wondering if this is the right thing to do here. I want it, but what I want isn't as important right now as what Qui-Gon needs. Am I what he needs? What happened between him and Obi-Wan last night?

I can't think. I am losing all ability to think now, and a very small part of me is glad to see it go. Oh, damn. Oh, damn damn damn...

He works his way down my chest, removing layer after layer of tunics with more grace than I have ever experienced. Even the masters have their masters, and Qui-Gon Jinn is one of them. He's unbearably gentle, his touch soft and light on my skin, and it doesn't take him long to have me fully undressed and panting for him. My cock is so hard I feel like it's going to burst, and I know if he touches me I'll... oh, Force, he's touching me. His hand is wrapped around my cock, and I can't... Force... "Oh, please..."

I squeeze my eyes shut as I come, making a sticky mess all over his hand and my stomach. I'm a little embarrassed, but I can sense some of the tension and guilt in him leaving, and that makes me smile, makes me happy enough to look up at his face and see if I can tell what he's thinking.

"That was beautiful," he tells me. I smile, feeling oddly shy.

"You're very good at this." Obi-Wan must be the luckiest son-of-a-Sith padawan in the Order, I think, but am smart enough not to bring up his name at the moment. Qui-Gon takes the towel from around his hips and offers it to me so I can mop up, which I do. He wipes his hand and tosses the towel aside.

Oh. Oh. Oh, he's beautiful, and hard, and... was he really that big the last time I was here, or do I just not remember? I guess I never really saw him from the front. I reach out to caress his cock, and his eyes close. I slide down the bed and take him in my mouth. He runs his fingers through my hair and encourages me, quietly, saying little more than "just like that" and "oh, so good". He remembers my name, which pleases me.

"I'd like to be inside you," he whispers. I stop mid-lick and look up, surprise showing in my eyes. He frowns, a little. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, no, of course not." I climb back up the bed. "But I've never..." For all my experience, I've never bottomed. It just never seemed that interesting. But now, with him looking at me like that, with his eyes so dark and so blue, I want to please him more than anything. If this is what he wants, then by the Force, I'll try it.

"You've never...?" he repeats, not quite understanding me.

I blush furiously as I stammer out an explanation. "I've never... had someone... inside me. But I'd like to. With you. If you don't mind that I'm new at it, I mean. Because if you do... Well, I can't..." I'm outright babbling now, and he leans forward to kiss me, which stops me from saying any more, thank the Force. When he pulls away, his expression is breathtakingly gentle.

He strokes my face, gently, with the back of his fingers. "We don't have to do that," he tells me. "I'd be just as happy to have you make love to me."

"Oh, but I want to," I insist, maybe a little too quickly. "Please. Just be... I mean, just go slow."

"Are you sure?"

I'm nervous and not a little intimidated -- he is huge -- but hell, I've seen smaller men than me take his cock; surely I can, too. "Yes, I'm sure."

He kisses me again. "Turn over," he murmurs, and I do.

He starts with a massage, one that goes deep into my muscles and leaves me completely relaxed and fuzzy-headed. I am boneless by the time he's finished with me, and if I weren't so incredibly turned on, I'd be half-asleep.

Qui-Gon kisses a line down my back, and I know where he's headed long before he gets there. I'm as tall as he is, so it's a long, slow wait, and by the time his tongue is flicking a path between my cheeks, I am trying not to lean into the sensation. The last time he did this, I thought I was going to hyperventilate, the feeling was so startling. Now I know, a little, what to expect, and to my surprise, it feels fucking fantastic. The tip of his tongue is soft and just a little rough; it moves in slow, very slow, gentle strokes, and then he starts moving it in and out of me, just the tip, just the slightest bit... I moan and wriggle my ass, and he laughs. He puts his hands on my ass and spreads me a little wider, and then he gets his tongue just a little deeper and oohhhh, that feels so good... I didn't realize it would feel that way...

I'm humming, actually humming, with pleasure. He works his tongue into me a little further and wiggles it up and down, and I cry out, some nonsense word, or maybe something in Corellian, which makes him laugh. Laugh with his tongue in me. Oh, Force. I don't want to shake him loose, but I have to rub my cock against the covers on the bed, just a little, I just need a little friction. My erection is all the way back now, and I can't believe how good this feels. No wonder Obi-Wan was so enthusiastic about that Trellian. I can't stand this, it feels so good...

Now he's plunging into me further, almost fucking me with his tongue. I think something has loosened in me, because when he started he wasn't getting nearly this deep, but now, well, this may be the deepest anything has ever been in me, and it feels astonishingly good. He stops with a few long, slow strokes, and kisses his way across the top of my ass. I'm just panting, trying to catch my breath.

"Good?" he asks.

"Oh, yes!"

"More?"

"Yes, please!"

He stands up and retrieves one of the many lubes from the top of the chest-of-drawers. I crane my head to watch him. He pumps a generous amount of lube onto his fingers and warms it between them before meeting my eyes. "You're sure?" he asks, and I nod enthusiastically, wiggling my ass in what I hope is a charming invitation. He smiles, so I think I must have succeeded. He moves his hand forward. Oh...

He starts with one finger. It goes in, and I turn my face away from him so I can wince just the slightest bit without him seeing me. It's uncomfortable, but just a little, not as bad as I'd expected, and when he slides it back out of me I have to throw my head back and yell, it feels so good. I'm panting again. I think I'm just going to have to accept that I'll be out of breath tonight and hope my body can compensate. He chuckles a little and rubs my lower back in slow, soothing circles while he slides that first finger in again and pulls it back out. Oh Force. How could I not have been interested in this? I can't believe how good that feels.

He's moving much more easily now, still slow, still very smooth, even motions, and then he twists his finger as he pulls it out of me. I arch my back and let out another yell. "I had no idea," I pant at him when he laughs at me. "Oh, please, yes, this is wonderful..."

"Shall I add another finger?" he asks, voice teasing. I nod. He slides his finger out, adds more lube, and then slides two fingers into me. I grunt a little -- not as comfortable as before -- but then he's moving in and out of me just a little, just a little more -- oh. Oh, it's feeling wonderful again, a little tight, but wonderful, and then he slides his fingers all the way in me and scissors them -- I nearly come off the bed again, gasping.

"Too much?" he asks, concerned. He pauses mid-stroke. I don't know what I'm doing, but I clench him somehow.

I shake my head. "Oh, please don't stop."

He laughs again, and the sound is beautiful. Delight washes over both of us like a much-needed, cleansing rainfall, and he continues moving his fingers gently in and out of me. Yes. Yes. Oh, Force, yes.

"Another?" I ask hopefully, knowing it'll take at least three fingers to prepare me for his cock. He slides his fingers out of me, adds more lube, and then slides back in. I hiss in a breath, and he holds perfectly still while I adjust to the feeling. It's nice, it's very nice, but it hurts a little, but not too much, just right... I finally nod, and he presses into me, then pulls out again. I think I've become one with the Force. It feels so good, so full.

Then he does this thing inside me, and I feel like a slot machine in one of those flashy casinos in Corellia when someone's just hit the jackpot. Every single cell in my body is alive and singing. Qui-Gon's delight comes over me in another wave, and he lets me catch my breath for a few moments.

"Prostate?" I gasp, knowing I've had this effect on men before, knowing what it's supposed to be. I had no idea what I was missing. I don't know how I'm going to last. Maybe I won't.

"Yes. Do you like it?"

"More than anything," I grunt out, and then he does it again. I don't have any words that can come close to describing the sensation. I can't believe how good it feels.

He starts moving in and out of me faster, and he reaches my prostate with every stroke. Yes, this is wonderful. Yes, this is perfect. I think... "Can we... try now?" I manage.

"Oh, yes!" He's breathless, too, I realize, and gets up just long enough to find a barrier in the drawer. I recognize it as one of the ones with this amazing lube -- probably a good idea. He pulls me up onto my hands and knees, and tells me to stop him if it's too much or it hurts. I nod, not trusting my voice, and he comes to his knees behind me.

The head of his cock is huge and blunt against my ass, and for a moment I'm afraid this won't work after all. He puts a hand on the small of my back. "Breathe out," he tells me. I do. "Now a deep breath in." He guides me into a state of near meditation, caressing the small of my back, and before long I'm relaxed again, and then the head of the cock is pressing against me -- oh -- hurts -- but -- and then he's sliding into me, slow and gentle, sheathing himself in my body -- I feel his body pressed against mine, and moan. He's all the way in. I feel absurdly proud somehow, a little smug. He senses it, and we laugh together. This is just wonderful.

He waits long enough for me to get used to the feeling of having him inside me, then moves a little, tiny shallow movements that get me ready for the longer strokes that are going to follow. I'm a little embarrassed to realize my erection has flagged a bit. I start to reach for it, but he's faster, and he curls his warm, gentle, big hand around my cock. Oh, that's nice. And it's just as well, since I might have lost my balance doing that. Let's see... warm hand in front of me, Qui behind me -- oh, this is definitely a win-win situation. I move forward a little, into his hand, then back a little, onto his cock. I squirm a little, gasping.

"Is it all right if I move a little faster?" he asks.

"Oh, please!"

He does, and moves a little deeper, giving me this unbelievable sensation of fullness that's like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's so good I actually forget to breathe for a few seconds. Then he touches that place inside me again, and I'm crying out, taking in huge gulps of air. The feel of him brushing against my prostate and touching my cock and... I yell at the top of my lungs, and come for him. My arms and legs still keep me up, but only just barely.

He's getting close, too; I've heard the sounds he's making many times before. He puts both hands on my hips and rides me, starting to go faster, starting to -- ow -- go harder -- that hurts -- I have to wince a little, and then it really does start to burn, he's pumping too hard now, oh, fuck, hold on, hold on, hold on...

He comes inside me, gasping, and my ass has never been so sore. Force, it hurts. He pulls out, and I whimper, trying to hold the sound back and not succeeding at all.

He stops with his hands on my hips. "T'nell?" he asks.

"I... I'm fine..." I try to laugh it off. "It really did feel good. You're just so huge, and I..."

He climbs up the bed to me and I collapse gratefully into his arms. He looks at my face and sees the tears I couldn't quite hold back.

Guilt rushes back into the room, filling it in a roar. He struggles to his feet, even as I try to hold on to him, and stumbles the few meters across the room to the fresher. The door closes behind him, but I can hear him retching. I feel cold all over, and guilty, and terrible. What did I do? Oh, stupid, stupid.

I don't think he meant to hurt me.

Oh, dear Force.

I struggle to my feet, ignoring the ache in my ass, the ache in my legs, and open the door to the fresher. Qui is still retching into the toilet, even though I don't think he's eaten anything for at least a day. I find a glass, fill it with water, and pull his hair back from his face. When he's done, I give him the water and find a towel. He rinses his mouth out several times and takes the towel from me, mops his face, flushes the toilet. He can't meet my eyes. I sit down next to him and wrap an arm around him. He tries to pull away at first, but I'm persistent, and he leans into me at last.

"...so sorry, T'nell..."

"I'm fine, Qui-Gon. Truly." I hug him tight, then ease up a little. "I'm fine. It was my first time. You went a little fast. It happens to all of us." I dredge up an old memory, one I haven't wanted to think about in years. "I've been with quite a number of virgins. One of them bled after I fucked him. I couldn't sleep for a week. I kept having nightmares..." I let out a little noise that's supposed to be a laugh and definitely is not. "You were wonderful. You did fine."

"I don't know what I was doing. I wasn't thinking." The self-loathing and guilt is threatening to turn my stomach now. I take a few deep breaths and center myself in my own emotions, isolating myself from the roiling mass of Qui-Gon's, knowing I can't help him if I'm feeling everything he feels. "I wasn't thinking," he repeats, and I realize he isn't talking about us. "I pushed him into the wall. The next thing I remember he was looking into my eyes, and my hand, I was..." He covers his eyes. "I was holding him down. He'd tried to tell me to stop. When I realized what I was doing, I left." He shakes his head. "I ran."

Oh, Force.

"I expected someone to come for me. I didn't expect it to be you." I frown at him in confusion, and he looks up and meets my eyes. The frown takes him by surprise. "Say something," he urges.

"I think you need to talk to him."

He shakes his head. "After what I did?"

"It sounds like you blacked out." He covers his eyes with his hand, ashamed, unable to look at me. "I can't... I don't know what it's like to black out during sex, but I've been with someone who did. Whatever really did happen can't possibly be as bad as what you're imagining you might have done. Obi-Wan has been looking for you since last night. He says he isn't angry with you. You have to talk to him."

"No--"

"Yes." My tone is firm, the one I use on initiates and crechelings who don't want to listen. He is not going to argue with me on this, and I don't give a damn that he's a master and I'm a senior padawan. "I'm here for you -- for both of you -- but you're not going to resolve any of this if you won't talk to him."

He doesn't answer. I help him up, off the fresher floor, and get him back to the bed. I pull the covers back, a little embarrassed about the wet spot I left. I tuck him into bed and sit down on the edge of the bed next to him. He looks exhausted, and I remember he probably hasn't slept in almost two days. He closes his eyes.

"Tomorrow you'll talk to someone. If you can't bring yourself to talk to Obi-Wan, see a soul-healer, or Master Yoda. Someone. Understand?"

He nods, as if he doesn't have the strength to argue. I brush his hair out of his face and kiss his forehead. All right; some good may yet come out of this night.

I shift on the bed. Some good, other than what I got out of it. I feel dreadfully selfish for having enjoyed myself so much. It seems inappropriate, somehow.

He's asleep in moments. I ease off the bed and dress, watching him all the time. He looks so vulnerable -- so hurt. I wish there were more I could do.

I slip out, quietly, and make my way back to my own quarters, wanting nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep. But Master Faelin is waiting up for me. Her expression is guarded. Concern? Worry? Censure? I can't tell.

"You have a communique," she tells me. "It's been patched through to your terminal."

Still nothing. Her poker face is second only to Master Windu's, I think. But whatever this is, can it possibly be good? Would she be guarded like this if it were good news?

I go into my room and pull off my tunics and boots before opening the communique; one should never be in a hurry to hear bad news.

The face that flashes onto the screen shocks me so badly I think my heart has skipped a beat. The elegant lines of his face; the long, black hair; the piercing, dark blue eyes; the scar on his cheek...

"Hello, T'nell," says the face on my screen. "It's Xanatos."

FIN