Master Apprentice
Archive
Postcards from the Edge
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Archive: MA, WWOMB, and my site, Mom's Kitchen (www.squidge.org/~foxsden)
Category: Humor; Drama; other
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: PG
Summary: The Temple deals with an unusual emergency, and the Quartermaster has a bad week.
Disclaimer: What, you think I own these guys? Do I even look like George Lucas? If this is not what you expected, please alter your expectations. No such thing as random coincidence. No such thing as too much lubricant. (Thank you, Mark Morford.)
Warning: Never say bite me to a cat.
Series: Yes, the post-Wheel series, which started with "Sometimes, You Fly." This takes place during a period of time that begins at the end of "Cueca Solo" and the beginning of the next story, "Damage Control."
Notes: With sincere and genuine affection and acknowledgment to Lori and Wolfling (who did it a lot better than I have!), I hereby offer this. These were supposed to be interspersed in-between the next post-Wheel story, but they grew and took on a life of their own, so here they are (Force willing, the formatting will come out okay). I apologize for it not being the story of Qui-Gon's healing, but promise that's coming. Thanks (as usual) to Claude, Katbear and Fox for superlative betas. (Ten points to whoever recognizes the name Apath'na first!)
TRANSMISSION DESTINATION SUPPRESSED
TRANSMISSION INITIATION POINT SUPPRESSED
My Apprentice:
I believe it is time for you to leave Coruscant. There is little that you will be able to accomplish now that you have come under suspicion. Please gather what intelligence you have and bring it with you.
If you were able to effect the demise of our three most-troublesome Jedi, I would welcome it indeed. But if you are not, you will be put in charge of a clone troop specially trained to take care of the matter.
Your Master
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.15
Memo to: Supreme Chancellor Valorum
Members of the Senate
Memo fm: Jedi Council
Memo re: Suspension of tasks
Honorable Chancellor:
Honorable Members of the Senate:
Greetings from the Jedi Council.
We regret to inform you that, beginning immediately, all current and proposed missions undertaken by the Jedi will be suspended, indefinitely. It is our sincere wish to abate the current menace to our ranks, and are undertaking a recall of all personnel to the main Temple in order that this may be accomplished.
As soon as the emergency has passed, rest assured that the Jedi will be at your service once again.
In service to the Jedi and the Republic
Mace Windu
Reporting for the Jedi Council
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.16
Memo to: All Personnel under the Quartermaster:
Housing, Stores, Janitorial, Weapons,
Vehicles, Commissary, Technical
Memo fm: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo re: Bad news and worse news
Heads up, gentlebeings.
I have just received word from the Council informing me that a general recall of all Jedi to the Coruscant Temple has been issued.
No, you read that right -- ALL Jedi. Field ops, scholars, healers, pilots and agri workers, initiates and padawans, regardless of what Temple they normally report to, are being told to report here. At the same time. When did this happen, you ask? Why, yesterday. They're expecting the first wave here tomorrow.
Yes, TOMORROW.
So.
As of this moment, ALL LEAVE IS CANCELED. (Yes, Brosse, that means me too.) Please notify spouses and significant others that you will be working an average of twenty hours a day for the foreseeable future. I do not intend on leaving my office, and anyone who wishes to use my cot must ask first, as I might be in it.
Stores: I want a complete inventory, and I want it yesterday. Please quadruple any supply reqs placed within the last week and don't worry about the expense, just give me a list. Check with Commissary for the foodstuff inventory and please, this time, don't forget the non-humans.
Housing: Speaking of non-humans, I want sub-one level converted into three sealed atmospheric areas as soon as possible; one with chlorine, one with methane, and one with that awful xenon blend the Natsqql breathe. Be sure to check the seals on the airlocks. We do NOT want a repeat of what happened last year, and we definitely don't want any humanoids assigned to the chlorine atmosphere again. The inventory of empty apartments I expect to be on my desk before midnight. That's tonight, Banj. Work with Janitorial to make sure all those apartments are cleaned by the end of the week at the latest.
Janitorial: See above. If we need to hire contractors from the Temple District in order to complete this job, just tell me, and I'll ram it through somehow. Don't forget to test the pipes in every unused apartment, since we don't want a repeat of exploding commodes and I don't care who was responsible, just make sure they work.
Weapons and Vehicles: Any extra personnel you've got who know what to do in any other department, send 'em over. Stand by, and get me a running inventory of your supplies as people arrive. No, I don't know what's precipitated this crisis, and I'm not sure I want to.
Commissary: Dela, I know you don't like keeping live things in cold storage for our non-humans, but, to be honest, at this point I just don't care. I can't afford the time to worry about it, and you can't either. Just see to it that we've got enough on hand, and work with Personnel if you need numbers, species and/or dietary requirements, if you don't know which species needs their food alive. We'll discuss the injustice of it all later.
Technical: Yes, I know we don't have enough datasets in storage for every single apartment in the Temple. I'm hoping that many of them will bring datasets with them, but we cannot count on that. Since the Council has given me sign-off authority on equipment and stores for the duration, this is your chance to buy without limitation. Get me a list today and I'll make sure the equipment is in-house tomorrow. Just remember -- this emergency will be over someday, and any padding will be discovered and it's your rear-end that will suffer.
Light the afterburners, gentlebeings. See me immediately with any problems.
In service to the Jedi (even when we don't want to be)
Claum Showat
Quartermaster
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.17
Memo to: Jedi Council
Memo fm: Department of Healing
Healer Tallis AnBatRa Reporting
Memo re: Status of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn
Honorable Councilors:
Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn (hereinafter known as Jinn) presented to the Healers' Hall severely wounded as the result of a kidnapping and beating on his last mission. His injuries included the following: broken bones (fifteen: six fingers, three toes, two ribs, left tibia, left ulna, right orbital lobe and nose); severe lacerations requiring stitches to his scalp, his rectum and his scrotum; temporary nerve damage to the right side of his body (possibly the effect of some sort of stun rod); internal injury to his left kidney, lower intestine and gall bladder; burn wounds to his upper chest; severe dislocations of his left shoulder and left knee; severe bruising over 85% of his body; acute dehydration; severe hypothermia; critical blood loss.
Additionally, he was injected with an unknown substance which suppressed all Force ability. At the moment, we are unable to make an assessment on any permanent effect that may have on his body. We have taken samples which are being analyzed.
Jinn was seen in the Healers' Hall after being stabilized in the field by Knight Maul. Surgery was performed immediately upon his arrival to assess the extent of his internal injuries. He is presently in a bacta tank, and will remain there for at least two more days. His spouse, Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, is with him in the med bay. Along with Jinn's injuries, there is the possibility of both radiation poisoning and damage from biological or chemical weaponry for both Jinn and Kenobi; we will keep you appraised as that is assessed. Knight Maul is also being tested for possible contamination, as there was nothing but low level decontam equipment in his shuttle.
Due to the circumstances and extent of his injuries, Jinn is to be assessed by a Mind Healer shortly after his emergence from bacta and before his physical therapy begins. Healer Dotrick, who already sees Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, has volunteered to counsel Jinn.
We will keep the Council advised as the patient Jinn progresses.
In service to the Jedi
Healer AnBatRa
Jedi Temple Coruscant
DATANET POSTED MESSAGE
TO: Housing Director Banj Dramu
FM: Quartermaster Claum Showat
RE: Master Apath'na
Banj, please don't piss off the masters. Yes, I realize he's an ass and obnoxious and had no right demanding anything from you, and absolutely no right to say what he said to Millie, but your proper response should have been to dump it on me. That's what I'm here for. We're all under enough strain as it is. My rank is sufficient enough to deal with him -- yours, however, is not.
Leave him alone, and if he calls you or even stops you in the public toilets, just refer the idiot to me and walk away.
I'll take care of it.
Claum
DATANET POSTED MESSAGE
TO: Knight Asajj Ventress
FM: Knight Hesta Foss
RE:
Hey, AV... why would the Council be asking me about our last mission together? You screw up the mission reports or something?
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.19
Memo to: Master Apath'na
Memo fm: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo cy: Jedi Council
Internal Affairs Sub-committee
Memo re: Your housing needs
Master Apath'na:
I understand you had a difficult time moving into the apartment that was assigned to you here at the Coruscant Temple. My Director of Housing, Banj Dramu, informs me that you were rather strident in your objections -- first to his subordinate, Millan a'Mormus, then to him -- over being given an internal apartment.
May I remind you, Master Apath'na, we are all in service to the Jedi here, and this is an emergency situation. I understand that you had an outer apartment at the Alderaanian Temple, but again, I remind you, you are no longer on that planet. We all must make sacrifices for the good of the Order, Master Apath'na. If an apartment on one of the outer rings becomes available, I will make sure you are assigned to it. That, however, is the best that can be done under the circumstances.
As a side note, I would like to go on record as saying that if you ever raise your voice to or threaten one of my people ever again, I will see to it that you are placed under disciplinary action immediately. Leave my staff alone, Master Apath'na; they are not under your control. If you have a problem with any of my people, please bring it to me personally.
In the future, please submit all requests for any department under the Quartermaster by flimsiplast in triplicate, so there will be no chance of any possible misunderstanding.
In service to the Jedi
Claum Showat
Quartermaster
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.20
Memo to: Supreme Chancellor Valorum
Republic Senate Security
Memo fm: Jedi Council
Internal Security Sub-committee
Memo re: Rogue Asajj Ventress
Honored Chancellor:
Honored Senators:
We regret to inform you that it has come to our attention that one of our Knights has turned to the Dark Side and has gone rogue. Her name is Asajj Ventress, and she may be familiar to you as the apprentice of Master Dooku, who is now known as Darth Tyrannus, who is wanted in connection with the deaths of approximately three thousand Jedi, the destruction of the Jedi Temple on Smlia Four, the destruction of Tipoca City, Kamino, and the theft of approximately twenty thousand battle-trained clones. Her complete profile, along with retina and DNA patterns, is attached.
Ventress has eluded our security and has managed to leave the Temple. If anyone in the Republic Senate is approached by her, we ask that the Council be notified immediately. She is to be considered armed and extremely dangerous.
We thank you for your attention in this matter.
In service to the Jedi and the Republic
Mace Windu
Reporting for the Jedi Council
DATANET POSTED MESSAGE
TO: Commissary Director Dela p'Rabi
FM: Quartermaster Claum Showat
RE: Deal with it
I don't care if the damn things discover fire and language and are singing songs around a campfire in the cold storage area -- the Iktotchi (one of our Councilors is an Iktotchi, remember?) eat them alive and you WILL serve them if asked.
No, I will not accept your resignation. Not until after things settle down, anyway.
That's the end of the discussion, Dela.
Claum
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.20
Memo to: Jedi Council
Memo fm: Department of Healing
Healer Tallis AmBatRa Reporting
Memo re: Status of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn
Honorable Councilors:
Master Qui-Gon Jinn (Jinn) was removed from bacta today after a three-day stay and his injuries were assessed. His healing is progressing as well as can be expected. He is in an induced coma, but we expect to bring him out of it by tomorrow. Staff empaths have noted that his emotional state is precarious at best, which is understandable. The fractures are set and are responding well to treatment, and all stitches have been absorbed properly. Recent bloodwork has shown that his midi-chlorian levels are returning to normal, albeit slowly. We have every reason to believe he will make a full recovery in that area. We are also attempting to analyze trace elements in his blood that do not conform to standard biogenetic forms and which may be associated with the biological weapons he and Kenobi encountered during their mission. Kenobi's blood samples also show these anomalies.
Healer Dotrick will begin therapy with Jinn as soon as he awakens. We will keep you advised.
In service to the Jedi
Healer AnBatRa
Jedi Temple Coruscant
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.22
Memo to: Knight Maul
Memo fm: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo cy: Banj Dramu
Director; Housing
Memo re: Mix-up in housing
Knight Maul:
Please accept my sincere apologies for the terrible mix-up in the housing assignments. It turns out that one of Sar Dramu's staff had assigned you housing, per Master Yoda's request, even before you were added to the roster of field ops, which leads me to believe there was a communications breakdown of some kind. That staff member has since been reassigned.
We have corrected the error, and Knight Jayden Youmos has been assigned a different apartment on a different ring entirely.
I thank you for your patience and good humor in this, and again, apologize profusely.
In service to the Jedi
Claum Showat
Quartermaster
DATANET POSTED MESSAGE
TO: Housing Director Banj Dramu
FM: Quartermaster Claum Showat
RE: Brosse Matt
You do realize that this time he didn't actually do anything wrong? Just thought I should point that out.
All right, all right, I'll reassign him.
But I'm running out of options. Any ideas (ASIDE from having him manually clean the sewers or be encouraged to ritual suicide) would be appreciated.
In service etc whatever
Claum
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.23
Memo to: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo fm: Knight Maul
Memo re: Your memo of yesterday
Ser Showat:
I thank you for your memo explaining the problem.
Please be aware that you may leave the housing assignments as they are, with Knight Youmos and I residing in the same location. I understand that housing is tight with the present emergency, and there is plenty of room here.
In service to the Jedi
Knight Maul
Field Operative
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.23
Memo to: Brosse Matt
Memo fm: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo re: Official notice
All right, you wanted it official, so here it is.
Effective immediately, you are assigned to Janitorial, under Peej. You will do what she says, no questions asked, no problems. Clear?
This is your last chance. I don't care who you're sleeping with, if you fuck up one more time, you are ancient history.
In service to the Jedi (you would do well to remember that!)
Claum Showat
Quartermaster
DATANET POSTED MESSAGE
TO: Knight Maul
FM: Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi
RE:
Sorry about that, Maul. Since the Healers discovered some kind of contagion in our blood, we're under quarantine. They tell me it should be lifted by tomorrow. Qui-Gon came out of bacta the other day, and he should be brought out of the induced coma they have him under by tomorrow, too.
Come by tomorrow after mid-meal.
Who's Jayden?
Obi-Wan
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.25
Memo to: Jedi Council
Internal Affairs Sub-Committee
Memo fm: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo re: Delegation from the Temple District
Honorable Councilors:
I respectfully request that someone from the Council contact the Burghers of the Temple District about their rather strident objections to our sudden increase in water, electricity and datanet activity. I have been bombarded by them with complaints of all kinds concerning the drain the Temple is placing on the infrastructure of the Temple District.
They have informed me they will be arriving at the West Gate tomorrow at third hour to submit 'formal demands'. I cannot meet with them as I have other commitments. If someone from the Council could be there, I would be eternally grateful. Thank you.
In service to the Jedi
Claum Showat
Quartermaster
DATANET POSTED MESSAGE
TO: Jedi Council Member Mace Windu
FM: Quartermaster Claum Showat
RE: The visit tomorrow
I'm begging here. I'm calling in any marker I've got and making everything square. Please please please don't let Master Yoda meet with the Burghers like he said he would.
It's worth two cases of root beer, or anything else you want, Mace.
Claum (on hands and knees)
JEDI TEMPLE CORUSCANT
Memo dt: 24.08.27
Memo to: All Residents
Memo fm: Office of the Quartermaster
Quartermaster Claum Showat
Memo re: The present emergency
Fellow Jedi:
First of all, may I commend you all for your patience and general good humor over the last week while we struggled with this emergency. My staff has reported very little in the way of problems, and I know the situation must be difficult for both you and them.
I'd like to take a moment to go over a few things that have come up of late, and offer solutions. If anyone has any ideas that are better than what I propose, please feel free to speak up.
Master Windu met with the Burghers from the Temple District yesterday and I'm led to understand that the meeting went quite well. Since many of the problems we're currently experiencing ultimately go back to our access through the Temple District, what difficulties we've encountered should start to ease. Hopefully.
It has been reported to Technical that the datanet access is very slow. Oh, let's call it as we see it and say it's at a crawl, shall we? This is not the fault of anyone here in the Temple but rather the way the network was designed. When we only had about four thousand Jedi in residence, the network was happy, but now, we've almost tripled our numbers and the network simply cannot keep up. Technical is working hard to get us better access and I expect you'll see improvement within a week or so.
There have also been unfortunate accidents with hot and cold water. I must remind you that our supply of fresh water is not infinite, and request that as many of you as possible use sonics to get clean. Yes, I know it's not the best solution, but other than completely rebuilding the Temple we're stuck with the piping we have. The Healers' Hall of course gets priority. I don't think any of us have any problems with that!
I know there's been a terrible time with the various ships and shuttles in finding appropriate parking and storage space. I am in contact with the Council on that, and rest assured, we know where all your ships are. It may take us a little while to get them all back to the pads, but we do know where they are.
Weapons has asked me to let you know that we have received another shipment of crystals. This means those of you who need extra or replacement crystals can now requisition them. Please do not initiate a stampede to Weapons, it will just slow everything down. First priority is for those who have cracked or missing crystals. If you just need a spare, please wait until later in the week.
In closing, I would like to thank all of you for your patience, again, and remind you that my door is always open if you have any problems with any department under the Quartermaster.
In service to the Jedi
Claum Showat
Quartermaster
TRANSMISSION DESTINATION SUPPRESSED
TRANSMISSION INITIATION POINT SUPPRESSED
My Master:
Yes, I am leaving Coruscant. Unfortunately, Maul, Kenobi and Jinn are still alive, and I cannot get close enough now to change that situation. I have failed you, Master, and I regret that. But I will make it my goal in life to bring them to a painful death, which is no more than they deserve for the insult they have paid you. I am happy to report, however, that I have managed to intercept messages from the Healers and it does seem that the new drug worked as expected.
I will meet you at our standard rendezvous point.
I remain your servant and apprentice,
Asajj