Summary: Obi's life - from the Clone Wars to the time just
before "A New Hope"
Category: POV
Rating: R
Series/Spoilers: ?/Episode I to a certain extent, little ones
for "A New Hope" in the unlikely case of your not having seen
it ;-)
Archive: M/A please, my website
(http://www.user.xpoint.at/e.lebic/default.htm)
Author's Note: A huge thank you to Sylvia who took the time to
go through this, any remaining faults can be attributed to me
(or my PC's grammar programme ;-)), your comments and feedback
are gratefully received and very much appreciated.
Disclaimer: the characters in this story belong to the creator
of the Star Wars Universe, King of the Galaxies - George Lucas
;-) and Jude Watson, author of the JA books. No copyright
infringement is intended and - I'm most certainly making no
money with this (not that I'd mind...;-)).
This is another idea of what might happen in the upcoming Star
Wars episodes. I'd like to point out that I'm in no way
affiliated with George Lucas and that every similarity to the
upcoming movies is absolutely incidental and unplanned.
It was an unforgiving time - every mistake could kill you,
every word you said might be your last. What the galaxy had to
go through can't be imagined, what people had to suffer on
their bleak home worlds, destroyed and ravaged by a callous
torturer who called himself "the Emperor".
Everyone feared him - even the Jedi - for he had found a way to
discredit our order and thereby brought chaos into our lives.
He sought to destroy all that we stood for - and he did
succeed.
It all began shortly after Palpatine had thrown off his
disguise - had declared himself "Emperor" and ruler of the
galaxy. He had an army stronger than all we could muster in a
short time and his power as a Sith Lord was greater than all
our nightmares and premonitions had taught us to expect. He had
hidden in the shadow of politics for years and rose in a moment
of weakness, one moment that cost the Senate its power - and
the galaxy its freedom.
The Jedi were the guardians of a peace Palpatine didn't,
couldn't wish for - so he found a sure means of driving a gorge
of fear and loathing between those we had been trained to
protect and us.
It was the time of the Clone Wars, the wars that marked the end
of our order and the beginning of the Jedi purge. The Galactic
Empire that was spreading rapidly had weapons of immense
destructive power - robotic lifeforms, created in the images of
particular Jedi and dignitaries of various worlds that dared to
back them up in their dissent with the policies of Palpatine,
the Emperor.
Though it were sometimes but little vices these clones brought
to light, it were the stepping stones of distrust that
gradually took over the minds of all those who should have
turned to the Jedi for help as they had done for centuries
before.
There were a great many incidents, some of them bordering on
the painful, not even considering the ill effects they
produced. For when a Jedi like Mace Windu whom we had known for
years as an ascetic in every sense was found lying drunk on a
street, in the arms of a dead prostitute it was hard not to
feel the impact of the dishonour that was heaped upon him.
Master Windu faced his clone with a calmness nothing can
describe, and when he fought it in a ring formed by the other
Council members, we knew his eyes were hard and full of grief.
We never brought the clones in front of the judge - it would
have been to no avail. People feared us as it was and any open
discussion of our being helpless in the face of the
hypocritical robots pretending to be us would have further
frightened them.
And there was nothing else to do but prowl the streets, day and
night, finding the look-alikes and picking fights with them.
They were all strong in the Force, immersed in the Dark Side
and we faced every nightmare in these combats. They were the
mirror images of our own fear, of our darkest moments and it
has always been hardest dealing with your own mistakes.
We lost many a promising Padawan to these fights, it was a war
raging in the underground, with no one knowing except the Jedi
and the very few whom we could trust.
Senator Valorum and a friend of his, Bail Organa of Alderaan
were those we depended upon for moral support. But, as time
passed it became clear we couldn't keep the threat of the
clones a secret any longer. People wouldn't report Jedi who
robbed, or threatened or killed to the Temple anymore, they had
no faith in our helping them.
That was when Master Yoda sent my Padawan and me away on a
mission that was to seal the fate of the Jedi and give destiny
a turn for evil in its darkest form.
"Go to Alderaan you must. Accompany Valorum, you will.
Protected he must be."
"He was assaulted?"
"Tried to kill him they did. Storm troopers on Coruscant there
are. In safety he must be."
"Is there a way out, Master?"
"Foreseen it, I have not. Possible it may be. Always in motion,
the future is."
It seemed like such a simple mission - at least compared to all
the pain and suffering every new day in the capital brought us.
Anakin had faced and destroyed a clone of him a few days
before, after he had raped a woman with a startling resemblance
to Amidala. He was still shaken and I had been silently hoping
to get him away from Coruscant for a while.
Ani and Amidala shared a love like the one Qui-Gon and I had
shared. But theirs seemed to have been blessed by a lucky star,
Yoda had foreseen future happiness for them a few years back
and it seemed that all would be well with them.
I was proud of my Padawan. How could I not be? He was quick and
enthusiastic, a keen learner, only satisfied when he had
completed a task to perfection. He would be a great Jedi and I
had proven Qui-Gon to have been right about his fate - he would
bring balance to the Force. I had a premonition he would
destroy the Emperor - but little did I know what price we'd
have to pay for this.
We left Coruscant at dawn, and, a few days later, after a
surprisingly uneventful journey (if you don't count the assault
by the little vessel full of storm troopers that caught up with
us halfway across our flight path), we landed safely and
unnoticed on Alderaan, in the quiet of the night.
Valorum was welcomed personally by his friend, and we
accompanied him to a cave, hidden somewhere in the rocks far
away from the main cities.
"I'll be in touch as often as I dare - but you know we're a
peaceful people and mustn't draw attention on ourselves - the
Emperor would crush us otherwise."
"No need to apologize, Bail, you've just saved my life and I
couldn't ask anyone for more in these days now, could I?"
"Knight Kenobi, Anakin, how long will you stay here?"
"Only for a couple of days, Senator Organa. We aren't expected
back on Coruscant for another week and Master Yoda proposed we
continue our training here, while ensuring that no one has
followed us. Within a few days it should be clear whether
Senator Valorum will be safe or not."
I bowed deeply, as Senator Organa left us as did Ani, then we
settled down in the small cave, making ourselves as comfortable
as possible. Senator Valorum went to work on his charts and
notes - he was planning to unite the galaxy against the
Emperor, he wanted to fight him to the death, his determination
stemming, for the most part, from the pain of having lost his
family to a raid carried out by storm troopers a few months
back.
Two days later, Ani and I were doing our lightsabre practice in
the safety of a circle of rocks, the Senator came to us with
news neither of us was prepared for.
"Anakin, Knight Kenobi - I've got bad news for you! Naboo has
been taken over by storm troopers, the Queen was taken hostage.
We don't know any more yet, but I don't think Palpatine's there
yet."
One look at the horror, plainly evident on Ani's face, told me
there was no time to lose.
"Thank you, Senator, we'll leave at once, with your
permission."
Not that I needed to ask. His whole demeanour showed very
clearly where he thought we ought to be. But still I didn't
like it. It was my responsibility to protect him.
"I'll accompany you two, if you don't mind. I have the utmost
respect for the Queen and - Captain Panaka is a particular
friend of mine."
"It will be dangerous."
"I have nothing to lose but my life, Knight Kenobi - but if I
can at least help to save my friends it will be worth it -
there's a debt the Empire owes me and I won't..."
He stopped in mid-sentence and I nodded. He wanted to avenge
his family. Not that I could blame him. I had done nothing else
when killing Darth Maul all these years ago. Seeing the Sith
die soothed the anger I had felt as he took my Master's life.
It was un-Jedi-like, but it was what happened to the best of
our order - none of us was ever made of stone, and being a Jedi
means to be compassionate and just. Suffering can't simply be
accepted, you will feel the need to help, to make it better.
As it turned out, Bail Organa had heard of Naboo as well and
when he came offering us his help I couldn't refuse. We would
need any help we could get.
We took a small Alderaanian shuttle that brought us swiftly in
the orbit of Naboo - and with Jedi stealth we managed to land
undetected in the jungle, from where we made our way straight
to the Gungan underwater city. There was no way of getting into
the capital unnoticed, safe by a tunnel that had been built
shortly after the invasion of the Trade Federation had ended.
It had been Jar-Jar's idea. And not a bad one, I might add. The
tunnel led, from a secret place in the Gungan city, directly
into the palace above the water. Its existence was known only
to a selected few - Ani, Amidala, Captain Panaka, Jar-Jar, Boss
Nass and myself as well as two of the Queen's handmaidens, or,
to be exact, bodyguards. So it was the safest way for escape,
or even for hiding out. If Amidala had managed to fool the
storm troopers and flee, her only refuge could be in this
tunnel - until someone came to take her off-planet.
The swim to the underwater city brought back memories of the
first time I had come here, with Qui-Gon at my side. To think
that I hadn't told him what I felt till we took off from
Tatooine a few days later, after his battle with the Sith, hurt
me more than I can tell.
We had but a few hours as lovers, before reality and our duties
took over our lives and - eventually - separated us forever.
The Gungan city was deserted. It was eerily quiet and there
were too many storm troopers around for my taste. Luckily
they're easily manipulated with the Force - for men used to
obeying orders without questioning it doesn't usually matter
who gives them those orders or what they entail so long as
they're ordered to do it and don't have to take the
responsibility for their actions.
So we passed along the city, and soon found ourselves near the
hidden trap door that opened into the tunnel.
"Where are all the Gungans?"
"Dead."
"That - how do you know?"
"There's no signature of their life-forces here, and neither
was there on the surface. I'm afraid they've been either
shipped off as slaves or - terminated."
Ani nodded. He was nervous. The last time I had seen him
nervous had been on the morning of his marriage to Amidala.
Only now he feared for her life and not for mispronouncing the
words of the Naboo marriage rituals.
We found the door intact and sealed, and on reaching out with
the Force, Ani relaxed visibly.
"They're in there, safe and sound. And waiting for us. I've let
them know we're coming."
We removed the stacks of crates enough to allow us to pass on
into the tunnel, then opened the door. Amidala stood right
behind it, blaster in hand, covered by Captain Panaka and
Jar-Jar, who steadied one of the handmaidens who seemed to have
been injured. The greeting was swift and though the young
couple was full of emotion, they simply hugged and kissed,
knowing full well we had no time to lose.
I knew how hard it was for them to have to let go of each
other. I've wished to hold Qui-Gon close more than a few times
after we had declared our love - but there was no opportunity,
too many lives were at stake and - we were Jedi first. I don't
remember where I heard that, it seems I knew ever since I was
little, that my duties as a member of the order surpassed
everything else - family, friendship, even love.
We left the city the same way we had come after hiding the
entrance to the tunnel. I took over the young handmaiden, she
was badly wounded and I doubted there was hope. I carried her
in my arms, setting aside a little energy to put her into a
healing trance. The least I could do was to take away her pain.
I felt the dark presence long before we left the relative
safety of the ocean. I made a sign for the others to follow me
and took a different path than the one we had come, letting the
Force guide me. We came out of the water, far away from our
hidden ship, and a quick glance at Ani told me I hadn't been
mistaken.
"Palpatine's here."
Just then I felt the brief flicker of a life in the Force,
flaring up, then vanishing. It burned inside me - death. I had
lately felt it a lot, Coruscant was full of it, lost in hate,
aggression and fear.
"Your decoy..."
"...is dead. He knows I got away."
Amidala's eyes were haunted, her face unnaturally pale. She
looked at her friend, breathing heavily in my arms. I touched
upon the young woman's force signature and shook my head.
"Don't let her suffer, please."
I nodded and carefully laid my charge on the grass. I covered
her heart with my hand, cocooning her pain in the Force and
letting her slip deeper into unconsciousness while I slowed her
heartbeat - till it stopped. I couldn't have saved her and I
knew that her pain equalled that of Qui-Gon as he died. I eased
his and tried to hold him, keep him with me while knowing it
was futile. I knew that I couldn't make this mistake again.
Tears ran down Amidala's cheeks, but she brushed them away,
taking Ani's hand and giving him a brief hug. Once again I
marvelled at how strong she was - how young and how strong.
We hid the body in the foliage near the water, we couldn't take
it with us and there was no time to bury it. Another life lost
because of a war that should never have been. Oh it was hard to
keep myself focused, not to give in the tempting anger that
threatened to rise within me once again.
But there was no time to mourn. We had to go on, to get off
planet before Palpatine could get at us. We spent ours in
circling the storm troopers, creeping through the thick jungle
undergrowth as quietly as possible. Dusk had fallen and there
was no way back, so we pressed forward, following our Jedi
senses. We had almost reached the shuttle, we were so close to
safety.
"Your highness. What a pleasure!"
"Palpatine!"
"Supreme Chancellor for you, my dear, if you can't bring
yourself to address me properly."
That dignified, cultured voice was full of spite, the pretended
politeness bordered on an insult. But Amidala stood her ground.
"I will call you whatever I want. This is my land, impostor!"
She would have said the same even without me and Ani at her
side, it was a part of her nature never to give in. She was one
of the women I had come to admire the most, she wasn't simply a
warrior, a ruler, or a wife. She was all this and more - she
combined the steadfastness of a true character with the
perception of a sage, a heart full of love and compassion with
the ruthlessness of a soldier killing in battle. She managed to
stand strong on her own with the pride and dignity of someone
who commands an entire army - even if her army was only the
strength she harboured deep inside herself.
Palpatine's face was stony. He lifted his hand, anger
radiating, forming an aura of danger and darkness that was
blacker than the night that surrounded us. He meant to strike
her, and both Ani and me knew, instinctively moving to her
defence. It wouldn't have been necessary. I almost smiled as
she drew a blaster, pointing it directly at Palpatine's heart.
"You will not hit me, impostor."
Never before have I heard so much loathing in someone's voice.
And never have I feared so much for the lives of those I was
with.
"Bind them, bring them to the palace. I will deal with them
personally, one by one."
He turned round and left us, in a circle of storm troopers. Our
chances were slim, but we fought - Amidala's second handmaiden
was shot when she threw herself in front of her friend to
protect her. The moment it took for her to sink to the ground
was the moment our concentration wavered, and we were taken.
I didn't know what to do. Jedi training can be quite useful,
but not if there are only two Jedi, and five civilians who
can't evade blaster bolts at lightening speed. We had to wait.
And I knew the greatest trials were yet to come.
I couldn't touch Ani's mind through the training bond, it had
never been particularly strong, and so I spoke to him in a
whisper, hoping the others wouldn't hear.
"You must control yourself, Ani. Find your centre, don't let
the fear and anger you feel get the better of you. Our lives
depend upon our ability to accept whatever comes."
"Palpatine will harm Amidala!"
"Only if you don't manage to pull yourself together. He wants
to turn us, of that I'm sure. Either of us in his entourage,
with intimate knowledge of the Jedi Temple and Council would be
a threat for the whole order."
"You only think of the order! I don't give a damn about them! I
want Amidala to be safe!"
"Ani."
He turned away, and I got a bad feeling. For the first time
since Qui-Gon's death I feared I might fail my apprentice and
my lover. The emotions were running berserk with my Padawan,
and I couldn't bring him to concentrate. Knowing him, he was
now beyond caring what I said. This had happened when his
mother died. I remember how he set out on his own to kill the
slaver she'd been sold to, the one who had mistreated and
murdered her.
He had returned, shaken, with his mother's body, cursing
himself and his fate, but he hadn't turned, though I felt the
brush he had had with the Dark Side. He had stood strong then,
his principles and training winning over the love of a child -
barely. I knew how much Amidala meant to him. And that was what
worried me most.
We were brought to the palace, locked up in one of the former
throne rooms. The large windows had been barricaded, seemingly
blocking an escape route. As soon as the storm troopers had
left us, we began tearing away the planks and furniture that
stood between our freedom and us.
It was too easy, I couldn't help but wonder what Palpatine
actually wanted, and it became more clear to me, the longer I
thought about it, that he had every intention of making either
Anakin or me his dark minion, his Jedi puppet.
We had almost finished, were so close to escaping, when
Palpatine returned. His face was a mask of polite concern, his
voice dripped with venom.
"Now, why should my guests want to leave? I will have to find
ways to make your stay more comfortable I see. Senator Organa,
Senator Valorum - why don't you join my men for a little walk?"
I had to do something, but what? There weren't a great many
choices for me here - I could offer to go with them, doing all
I could to protect them, yet I didn't want to leave Anakin -
not with this monster. I glanced at Panaka and he understood.
"Jar-Jar and I would like to accompany the Senators."
"A useless sacrifice for the ties of friendship. How noble of
you. I won't keep you, of course. It's your own decision. Yet,
I must warn you. Having faith in others is far too insecure.
Accepting the power a friend holds over one is the greatest
weakness people indulge in."
"Thanks for the warning."
"Meesa not cares for whatta you say. Meesa loves my friends."
So it was settled. I hoped it had been the right decision. The
four of them would be greatly outnumbered, but they might just
have a chance. I remained with Ani and Amidala in the throne
room as they were escorted away - Force knows where.
"May the Force be with you."
Palpatine laughed at my wish, but the others smiled. "With you
too." Then they were gone. And I was left with a steaming
apprentice who feared for his beloved wife's safety, a young
Queen who felt she had to protect her loved one and a man whose
greed for power and wealth was so great, that the darkness in
his soul wrapped around me in slim tendrils of hate, seeking to
bind me, to make my breathing harder and harder.
I had to be careful. Once again I reached for Ani through the
training bond - once again a shield blocked me.
Palpatine sneered. "Your apprentice is quite right, Kenobi. I
presume you don't know how much he wants to protect his little
Queen - YOU can't have loved anyone that much."
He wanted to provoke me. Oh, it was hard to keep my cool, to
calm my thoughts, to find my centre, my serenity. There is no
emotion, there is peace. How often have I chanted this mantra,
how often has it helped - it almost failed me then - almost. I
struggled, but I released my anger in the Force, my eyes never
leaving Palpatine's face.
"Good, my young friend, very good. It seems your Master taught
you something after all - except how to - pleasure him."
Both Ani and Amidala looked at me. I was probably blushing
fiercely. Would have been just like me - yet I let the feelings
pass through me. If this monster in front of me wanted a fight
over my mind and my inner peace - he could have it. I wouldn't
give him the satisfaction of letting him win.
"I see I've hit a mark here, forgive me. Being raped by one's
own Master must be a harrowing experience."
"I will not discuss my l o v e life with you, S i t h." I said
it with a voice that sounded strangled, strange, and full of
disgust. Yes, he knew how to get to me - but nothing he said
could have marred the memories I have of making love with
Qui-Gon, of kissing and holding him, of being loved and
cherished. My feelings for my Master ran deeper than the
emotion most other people already called love - Palpatine
couldn't ever touch them, for one who has never known true
love, will never understand what I felt for my lover.
"You should watch your tongue."
I stared back at him, not wavering, though the hatred in his
bleak eyes chilled me to the bone. I was a Jedi, I served the
light and he was nowhere as strong as I could be. He
understood, turned from me, and, in the moment I took a deep
breath to concentrate once more, he thrust his hand forward,
sending out a column of bluish light that caught me unawares in
the chest and threw me across the room, slamming me into the
marble wall. I lost consciousness.
Amidala told me later what happened while I was out. Palpatine
played the same game with Ani that he had already played with
me, and even though Amidala attempted to hold him back, even
though she begged him not to let the insults and threats get to
him, he let his anger control him - for a few seconds - sending
a Force wave against Palpatine, who - absorbed it.
That enraged my poor apprentice even more and pushing his wife
behind him, he attacked the Emperor again, and again, letting
the darkness take him.
"NO! ANI, DON'T - I BEG YOU! DON'T - A N I!"
I opened my eyes to Amidala's pleas, just in time to see my
Padawan, his face distorted with hate, seething with rage,
stalking Palpatine, who, as if ceding, made his way slowly,
step by step towards the door.
"GET OUT OF HERE, AMI! NOW!"
Ani was frantic, I felt his fear that was even greater than his
anger, and knowing that I had no chance of getting to him over
the training bond, I called out.
"ANAKIN! LET HIM BE. IT'S WHAT HE WANTS, YOU'RE RUNNING INTO
HIS TRAP. PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME - PADAWAN!"
It was to no avail, he didn't seem to notice I was there. I
used the Force, concentrating on pulling Ani from his doom,
away from Palpatine, but I was still disoriented and dizzy, and
the Force wouldn't come to me as I needed it.
Amidala flung herself at Ani, taking his arm, screaming into
his ear that she loved him, needed him, that he mustn't do this
to her and the like. I don't remember everything, but I know
that her voice and the expression of her face would have
softened a stone - but Ani had tasted the Dark Side's power
and, hoping to save the woman he loved, went towards his own
destruction.
He shook Amidala off, just before he reached the doorway,
sending her skittering across the floor with a shove of the
Force, closing the heavy doors with one last commanding
sentence directed at me.
"Get her out."
The storm troopers would have charged, had anyone given them
the order. But, having no leader, they seemed unsure of what to
do, except guard us. Amidala stood up, tears in her eyes and on
her cheeks, as she ran towards the door. A trooper blocked her
path and she flung herself at him in a futile attempt to get
out and go after Ani.
I picked myself up, unsteadily and collected all the strength I
had in a silent command to the storm troopers. When I told them
to let us go, they acquiesced at once. I grabbed Amidala,
heading outside, pulling her along. She didn't fight me, only
asked if it was necessary. I answered her best as I could.
"If he feels you're safe he might let go. As long as he keeps
worrying about you there's no way he'll sway from his path."
"He's using the Dark Side to enhance his powers."
"Yes, and..."
She nodded. We knew that this was a journey he might never
return from. All there remained for us was to hope.
"Ani will bring balance to the Force. That was what Qui-Gon
believed, what I believe. Even ations
for take-off and from the sorrow etched on their faces I knew
we had lost another friend. A slight flickering of the Force
moments later told me that I had been right.
"Valorum was mortally wounded. Jar-Jar stayed with him, hiding
him."
"He has just passed on."
"Jar-Jar will remain here. He said he wouldn't leave his home
ever again."
I nodded.
"Get into the shuttle, all of you. We'll take off as soon as
Ani's here."
"He won't come back, will he?"
She must have seen the flicker of doubt in my eyes and when I
reached out with the Force once more, to touch Ani's signature
I felt the all-consuming dark flooding his veins. I shook my
head.
"We'll leave then. There'll be another day. We'll get him
back."
That was when I last saw the lush jungle of Naboo. I had a
premonition I'd never come back, but a few weeks later I heard
that the Emperor had released toxics all over the surface,
destroying all plant and animal life. The oceans had been
poisoned, but I felt Jar-Jar was still hiding out somewhere,
still alive.
I wanted to help him, but, after getting back to Coruscant, I
had other things to occupy my mind. The Jedi were met with
distrust wherever they went and I soon learned it was better to
wear civilian clothes than my Jedi tunic, if I wanted to escape
the brawls that flared up all over the city as soon as one of
our order was recognised.
Yoda put Amidala, Captain Panaka and Senator Organa up at the
Temple. They were as safe there as they could be. And I - I was
sent to patrol the streets in search of more clones. It was
hell, and the suffering and pain that these machines, these
abominations of nature inflicted in their Jedi disguise was
imprinted on my brain forever after. I learned to despise
Palpatine and his troopers more than anything else, and though
I wouldn't let myself feel anger, even the mere thought of him
left a foul taste in my mouth and brought the stench of death
to my mind.
It was a few months before we had news of Anakin. And they were
by no means good. He was said to torture the population of a
small moon in the Illp'cha system that had refused to pay taxes
to the Emperor.
I made up my mind to go and bring my apprentice back, but
before I did, I consulted Yoda.
"Go you must. Foreseen it, I have."
"I hope Amidala won't try to follow me."
"Keep your friends safe we will. Stay here, they must."
"You will make sure they won't come after me?"
Yoda nodded slowly. His eyes were sad, sadder than I had ever
seen them, sadder even than when his Padawan, his dear friend,
Qui-Gon Jinn had been consumed by the flames.
"Face the dark you will."
"Yes, Master. I'm prepared."
"Die, one of you will."
"Have...have you foreseen it?"
"Yes."
It was the one thing that I had hoped not to hear. I'd rather
have faced both Ani and Palpatine, or heard that it was my
death that was to be expected, but this - either I died, or I
would do what? Kill Ani?
"Can I turn Ani?"
"Know this, I do not. Hope it, I do. For you and for the Jedi."
I was on my way soon afterwards. I had a heavy burden to bear.
A responsibility beyond all that I had ever imagined when
Qui-Gon told me to train that little boy with the innocent blue
eyes and the blonde hair. He had been a good child, and a good
friend. And now, he had become a monster - almost.
It didn't take me long to get to that moon. Destruction and
fearful glances, people shuffling away, their eyes on the
ground as soon as they saw me - it was a nightmare, a vision
from hell. The fear was palpable, rising from the ground and
taking form in the broken down, burned-out huts, the dirty,
bruised children and the keeping out of sight of most people.
It didn't take me long to pick up Ani's trace. His signature in
the Force hadn't changed, other than that it no longer shone
bright and clear, but was a tangle of dark weeds, wound around
his aura, keeping every touch of warmth and caring away from
him, shielding him from any positive feeling that might mar the
perfection of the darkness enveloping his true self.
We met on a field, freshly burned down, he - impassible,
standing tall, all dressed in black, not even a hint of emotion
in his eyes. I stared at him; it was hard to believe what I saw
- he had changed so much and I was glad, Amidala wasn't with me
- to see him like this would have been too cruel.
"I see you've come to claim me, my Master. What a triumph! I
never thought you'd do quite as much for me - after all, I'm
not the Padawan you wanted, am I? Just a promise you made to
good old Master Jinn - how selfless of you to accept a charge
like me."
"You're one of my best friends, Anakin. Whoever told you
otherwise is wrong. I'm sorry, if I haven't been the best of
Masters, it was a new way of life for me too."
"Excuses - that's all you ever gave me. You can't do that, you
mustn't do that - why? Padawan, I know what's best for you,
trust me."
There was nothing I could have said to this. I had been strict,
yes, probably - but I had never thought he felt so trapped.
"Of course, I could forgive you all that, if it hadn't been for
your seducing my wife."
"ANAKIN! I never did - you can't believe that I..."
"I saw you, more than once - you kissed her hand, hugged her -
you held her very close, my Master. I remember it perfectly
well. She can't have been very averse to the idea of betraying
me. I shouldn't have loved her so much."
"That's - Anakin - Amidala loves you. And neither of us ever
betrayed you. We didn't have an affair and we haven't got one
now. In fact, I can swear on...Qui-Gon's soul that there'll
never be anything between us except friendship and respect."
"You've been well trained as a diplomat, my Master. Your lies
are extraordinarily good - almost believable in fact.
Unfortunately you can't fool me."
"Anakin. I know you're still here, you still exist behind that
facade of evil - fight it. Don't let the dark consume you, you
still have the chance."
"SHUT UP! I AM ANAKIN SKYWALKER! And you'd better find a way to
deal with this."
He lounged at me, striking with his sabre. I parried him, just
in time. His hatred gave him a strength he had never disposed
of before, but I had a far more subtle command of the Force, I
touched the light, the power of the living, breathing creatures
and plants. I knew I could win this fight, but I wasn't sure I
wanted to.
We danced our deadly dance for hours, to the music of eerily
quiet, broken by sobbing or screams now and then, as the storm
troopers found another village to plunder and burn, more men to
torture and women to rape. I was assaulted by death, again and
again I felt a life being ended, a flicker of bright light
vanishing forever in the Force.
Neither of us wavered, and neither broke. We fought for all we
believed in, for our loves and our lives. I was beginning to
tire, and so was Anakin. Once more I attempted to reason with
him - but he sneered at me, brushed my pleas aside as he had
pushed away Amidala that day on Naboo. I even told him that his
wife was pregnant, hoping it would stir the deep feelings he
had for her, but I failed.
More than once, a sudden intuition saved me from being sliced
to pieces by my former apprentice - to this day I believe it
was the Force that helped me to evade death - and our fight
continued in a flurry of parrying the blows Anakin dealt at me.
We ended up circling a pit, probably the remains of the cellar
of a building, that was filled with smouldering ashes and
pieces of wood still licked by flames. Anakin struck out
suddenly, I turned, just in time to divert the blow aimed at my
heart, felt it singe a mark into my left arm through my tunic.
I didn't heed the pain, years of training enabling me to
concentrate a bit of my energy into easing the burn and lifted
my sabre in a counter-attack, twisting my body at the exact
moment, Anakin flung himself at me.
My turn caught him unawares and he lost his balance, stumbling
and falling. I heard his anguished scream as the dying flames
caught at his clothes and flared up again, enshrouding him in
their midst as he twisted, trying to get away. I was trembling
as I used the Force to lift him up, setting him on the ground,
extinguishing the fire. He still screamed, I wanted to help
him, was almost by his side, when a bluish light threw me to
the ground, strangling me. I had to concentrate on breathing,
on neutralising the deadly grip - then - all of a sudden, it
was gone.
And so was Anakin. Where his brandished body had lain, only
dead earth remained, but the faint tinge of darkness in the air
around me told me he hadn't died - his Master had come to save
him and his fate was sealed by this.
Every bone and muscle in my body screamed with exhaustion as I
dragged myself to my ship, where I bound my wounds, and
contacted Yoda. I asked him to tell Amidala what had happened,
promising to stand before her and explain myself, justify my
conduct as best I could. I had failed to bring her husband back
to her, exposing her to the risk of his looking for his child
by disclosing her pregnancy; I had failed Qui-Gon - because
Anakin wasn't like Xanatos - I had helped with the birth of a
man-made monster that would ravage the galaxy, sowing
destruction and fear, leaving destitution and despair in its
wake.
On my way back to Coruscant, my dreams were full of the future,
a future I hadn't prevented. I was angry with myself, and I
would have relished in the feeling of my own uselessness and
failure, had not Amidala's face, the unshed tears in her eyes,
brought me back to my senses.
She didn't blame me, not even for endangering her yet unborn
child, she even comforted me and once again I was taken aback
by her composure and strength.
"Senator Organa has offered me to live on Alderaan - when the
child's born. I've thought about it for a long time. I talked
to Master Yoda too, if it is strong in the Force, I can't
protect it from its father. It wouldn't have made any
difference if Ani hadn't known, he would have felt it was his
child."
"What have you decided?"
"I will give the child to you."
"Me? I don't..."
"You have done a grand job on Ani. And you don't have to bring
it up - rather - Master Yoda said something
about...neutralising the Force."
"...hiding the child from any Force sensitive's prying eyes."
"Yes."
"And you?"
"I'll remain on Alderaan for as long as I can. I'm leaving
tomorrow. I'll contact you when the child's born."
I nodded, bowed deeply and kissed her hand. I think she
understood that I didn't know what to say. How could I find
words to express my admiration for her? What could I possibly
say to make the separation from her child - that would happen
all too soon - any easier? She had friends - but she loved Ani
so dearly - no one could ever take his place.
I spent the following months on Coruscant. Bail Organa had
returned to his home planet with Amidala and I, I hunted down
Jedi clones all over the city. After all the things I had seen
it was surprising I still felt the fear and helplessness so
keenly, that I still felt at all.
In these days it seemed to me as if my life were nothing more
than an endless series of attempts to ease a suffering that
stemmed, in part at least, from one of my mistakes - for it
wasn't long before Darth Vader appeared on the galactic scene -
a true monster, more machine than man, in whose body the heart
and soul of my former Padawan Anakin Skywalker were trapped.
When Amidala sent word, I said my goodbyes to Yoda. We knew
we'd never see each other again.
"No death there is, only the Force. Meet Qui-Gon there, you
will. Together, all of us will be."
"You foresee our doom?"
"Eradicated, the Jedi will be. The avenger, Darth Vader is.
Sent to destroy us, he is - succeed, he will."
"I'll take the child to a safe place and hide it. But I want to
help too. I can't just stand idly by and do nothing!"
"Stand by...stand by you will not, young Kenobi. A hard
destiny, waiting is. Need much patience, you will. Endure the
solitude, you must. Endure your memories. See the destruction
of the galaxy you will. Bear it you must - harder than death,
living can be. Find it out, you will."
"So I will be one of the Jedi that survives the purge and - you
will be the other?"
"Think that, you do?"
"You said there were always two - a Master and an apprentice.
I'm a knight though I've still got much to learn - and lately
you've taught me a lot - so you're my Master in a way."
"Leave Coruscant, I will. Tomorrow. Balance there will be.
High, the cost is. Pay for centuries of peace, we must."
"Centuries of peace - that was a good thing, Master. Why can't
it continue?"
"Never easy, peace is. Negotiate, you must. Make compromises,
you must. Give in, not everybody will. Greedy, Palpatine was.
Sold his soul he has. Pay the price he will. War we will have."
"But there will be peace again, won't there?"
"Yes. Foreseen it, I have. Go now, you must. Be with you, the
Force shall be."
"Thank you. May it be with you too."
It was the last time I saw Yoda alive. He outlived me, as he
outlived all of his friends, everyone he knew. I don't think he
was ever lonely though - nature, the living beings illuminated
by the light of the Force were his family, they kept him
company even if everyone else was gone.
Amidala met me at the spaceport on my arrival. She was radiant,
smiling brightly - yet the sadness in her eyes belied the
appearance of a happy spirit.
"I'll show you to your quarters - and then we'll see the
babies. You'll love them. You've got to help me with the names
though. I can't decide."
"Babies? You had twins?"
Her laugh was carefree as was her mischievous smile and for a
moment, her eyes sparkled merrily. She must have seen something
in my face, noticed my hesitation as I looked at her, for she
assured me that, all things considered, she was as happy as
she'd ever be.
The babies sure were sweet. A boy and a girl. They were so tiny
- so helpless. Looking at them I finally understood why some
people adore little children. They certainly are cute.
"Would you be the boy's godfather?"
"I'd be honoured."
"You needn't be formal here, no one's round."
"I'm sorry, I just..."
"You thought I'd rather keep my distance from you. No. You're
the only one who knew Ani well, apart from me. If anything, you
should be my closest friend."
How could I have resisted her offer of friendship? It was
unexpected. Though we had been through a lot together I was
surprised she didn't despise me for failing to bring Ani back,
for failing to prevent him from turning to the Dark Side.
"So what should we do for names? I've got a list here, Bail
helped me with it. We went through names of Alderaanian origin
and I wrote down some of the names I remember from home."
"It'll be a tough decision, these names are all beautiful."
Suddenly her smile faded, and she laid her hand on my arm.
"I - why don't we give them names that mean something to us,
rather than those that we have heard someone else mention?"
"You mean the names of people we liked or - admired?"
"...or loved."
I understood her then. "Qui-Gon. I haven't talked about him in
years."
"I remember how you looked when Palpatine - your reaction was
very..."
"Qui-Gon used to say I had a tell-tale face. I never managed
that impenetrable mask of stoic serenity he mustered. He was
renowned for always being in control of every situation. I knew
him better. He made mistakes and quite a lot of them too. But
he wouldn't let them set him back - not ever."
"You loved him for his mistakes, didn't you?"
"Yes, and for letting me see them. His trust was the greatest
gift anyone ever gave me."
"Would you tell me about him?"
"What do you want to know?"
As it turned out, Amidala wanted to know everything. She was
curious and an attentive listener. When I asked her why she was
so interested in Qui-Gon, she told me that she had had the
impression that I knew what she was going through losing Ani.
"I think I was right. From what you've told me, I mean I had
Ani for a few years, we had time to share our love, to build
memories to last. You had so very little compared to us."
"I'm grateful I had as much. If we hadn't talked that night - I
don't want to think of how I would have felt if he had died in
my arms without ever knowing what he meant to me."
"We seem to have a lot in common, don't we? We both lost the
man we loved. Will you see him again - in the Force, I mean?"
"Yoda says I will. I'm not sure, but as far as my destiny's
concerned I'll have to wait a long time to find out - about
twenty more years or so."
"You won't be that old in twenty years, barely seventy."
"Sixty-six to be exact. But - my Master was even younger when
he died."
"How old?"
"Fifty. We were exactly 25 years apart."
"You want to be with him."
"More than anything. Why don't we talk about something more
positive?"
She brightened up, taken out of her reverie about the
unfairness of loving someone with your whole heart who is taken
from you too soon.
"The names - let's start with the boy. Where will you take him?
I thought you said yourself that the girl didn't show the same
potential, she might be safe..."
"I'll leave her here. Anakin knows of one child. He won't be
expecting twins. I can't tell you where I'll go, but I've
already talked to an acquaintance of mine, who'd be willing to
take him on as if he were his own son. His wife is very nice
too. They're simple people and they live far away from, well,
basically everything."
"Then we should find a simple name for him. He will be able to
keep it, won't he?"
"I'll make sure of that."
"Here - Paul - no, I don't like that, it sounds so...what
about...Luke? I like the name."
"Luke, great. And now for our little princess here."
"We should chose a more elaborate name for her, Bail will be
her godfather and, well, I want her to fit in here."
"Adelaide...or...Soleil."
It took us ages to work through the list, till we found a name
that was short, relatively simple, but still beautiful. Leia.
"Luke and Leia... When do you have to leave again?"
I knew she was loath to part with her son. But the time was
running short. If I didn't get the boy to safety as quickly as
possible, Darth Vader might pick up his trace.
"I can stay about a week, two at most."
"Then you'll be here long enough for the name-giving ceremony.
It's quite a big thing here on Alderaan."
It was a hard time for both of us. I wished there was something
I could do, anything to make the separation easier for her, but
there was nothing. So we said goodbye, as if pretending we'd
see each other again. The show was for the others, not for us.
I knew I'd never see Amidala again and she knew it was the last
time she'd ever set eyes on her son. Sometimes, even people who
are in no way Force sensitive have premonitions about their
future.
I brought Luke to Owen Lars and his wife Beru on Tatooine. It
was still a ball of dust, remote, lonely and bleak. Daily
sandstorms, desert sunsets casting reddish gold shadows across
the darkening dunes. It would be a quiet life for the boy, but
he was safe, of that I was sure. Owen didn't much like seeing
me near "his son", he didn't like to think of what, of who his
father was. So I kept away. I built myself a little house in
the dunes, away from all civilization. I became a hermit,
living alone, with no company other than little desert animals.
I learned to concentrate on the moment in all those years of
waiting, I didn't have much else to do. Frightening away
intruders, placing a protective Force shield round the boy,
watching from afar how much he seemed like his father as he
grew up.
Yoda had been right - it was a long wait. About four years
after I had last seen Amidala, I felt her light go out in the
Force. It was a small stirring only, but I had traced her now
and then, to see whether she was alright. Even across all this
distance I felt her death and I grieved for her in my own way.
On the anniversary of her death I put a candle in the window, I
let it burn down, watching it melt and then I meditate,
remembering her when she was happiest, and when she was
saddest. It is the least I can do. I don't want her to be
forgotten.
On the anniversary of Qui-Gon's death I get up early and watch
the sunrise, glorying in its beauty. During the day I look
through the few little treasures I've kept, I concentrate to
replay the scenes in my mind that accompany my memories - that
is when I feel his love surround me. In the evening I sit on
the dunes and watch the sunset, and sometimes it is as if he
were sitting beside me.
My time has finally come. Soon Luke will join me. He will chose
his path and his fate will change this galaxy. There will be
peace again - sometime.
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