Master Apprentice Archive Padawanaphobia Quick search:

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Category: Humour

Rating: G

Feedback: Always welcome!!

Summary: A response to Sian's challenge, dedicated to Yogie (who posted the list) and all the others whose wonderfully squicky stories have made me cringe and giggle!! (That means you Emu!!)

"Master?"

Qui-Gon looked up from his datapad briefly. His fourteen year-old apprentice was standing at the door of his room looking very wan, a crease furrowed between his brows.

"What is it Obi-Wan? Are you not well?"

The boy's eyes were wide. "I'm worried."

Qui-Gon set his reading down. "Come over here, Padawan, and tell me what's troubling you."

Dutifully, he trudged over to the sofa and sat down, immediately beginning to twist the hem of his stola into knots around his fingers.

"Master Yoda says fear leads to the Dark Side."

"That's right, my apprentice." The Jedi Master smiled. "You've been taught that for many years, Obi-Wan. Why does it trouble you now?"

The boy gulped, his voice breaking badly. "Does--oh!" He blushed to his russet hairline at the quavering squeak, then looked down at his now-hopelessly wrinkled stola. "Does that mean Master Yoda is achluophobic?"

Qui-Gon sighed. "No, Obi-Wan, it does not. Now go to bed."

"Master, I have a question."

"Yes, Padawan?" Qui-Gon eyed Obi-Wan with a raised eyebrow. It wasn't often that the boy took his mind off a meal. Granted, he had already shoveled down three full portions and was steadily demolishing a fourth while eyeing dessert under his lashes.

"If--oh", he swallowed noisily. "Sorry. Bant says she gets kind of dizzy when we're up on the high tower balcony. That's not good, is it?"

"Then perhaps Bant should not lean so far out over the railing." The Master observed drily.

"You think--can I have s'more bread. F'anks--Y'thing----"

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon admonished. "Chew before you swallow, please!"

"S'wy" Another loud gulp and the boy continued. "You think she could be acrophobic?"

"No, Padawan. " Qui-Gon stated firmly. "Now stop talking with your mouth full."

"Master?" Obi-Wan was settled on the floor of their common room, surrounded by datapads and various print-out texts, trying to cram for his Astrophysics midterm.

Qui-Gon glanced fondly at the long, gangly legs waving in the air. "What is it, Obi-Wan?" He had watched the boy work for a good two hours and was ready to give any help he might be able to offer. "Do you need assistance, Padawan?"

The boy looked up, chewing thoughtfully on the end of his stylus. "This stuff is really hard."

Master Jinn hid a smile. "I know it is, Obi-Wan. You're in an advanced class and I'm very proud of you."

"Well, " Obi-Wan rolled to a sitting posture amid the detritus of his studies. "I've been having a hard time with the Rynbrock Concept of Collective Celestial Space. In fact, Master, " the young face was grave. "I think I'm a little scared of it."

"Don't worry, Obi-Wan. You'll do fine."

"No, Master, I'm really scared of it." He chewed on the stylus a little more and raised very big eyes to Qui-Gon. "If it was making me sick, would I have to take the test?"

His Master simply quirked an eyebrow. "Why would it make you sick, Obi-Wan?"

The boy bit his lip and announced tragically, "I think I'm astrophobic."

Qui-Gon got up and loomed over his apprentice. "You certainly are not and you will take your exam. Now, pick those things up and take them to your room to complete your studies."

"Master?" Obi-Wan ran into their quarters at top speed, "Master, the Healer called on the comlink and said I'm overdue for my inoculations."

"This is true, Obi-Wan. We spent a good deal of the last quarter off-world. I'll take you over this afternoon." Qui-Gon paused over the notations for his Negotiating Techniques for Arballic Systems lecture.

"But Master!!!" the boy's voice was indignant. "You CAN'T do that!!"

His Master looked up with a frown. "Why ever not? And do not raise your voice to me like that, young man!"

"Master, PLEASE!!" Obi-Wan sat down next to him, gripping his arm urgently. "I'm scared."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "Scared of what, Padawan? You know this is necessary and the Healers are always very gentle. It's only one little needle."

The boy shuddered. "I can't do it!" he stated flatly.

"You can and you must, Obi-Wan. We'll be off-world again in three weeks. What if you got sick?"

"Master, please!!! I can't!"

Qui-Gon just looked at him.

"Master, I think I'm belonephobic!!"

Qui-Gon disengaged the clutching hand and grabbed both the boy's shoulders. "Look at me, Obi-Wan. You are going to the Healers. You are not belonephobic. You are not any-phobic. And if you continue with this kind of behaivior, I will give you something to be afraid of. Do you understand me!"

Later that evening, Qui-Gon was sitting over a chai in the Master's Superior Lounge with Mace Windu. He stirred it morosely.

"Whoever posted that silly list of phobias on the net should be required to scrub the Temple floors by hand for a full term!"

Mace suppressed a grin. "Having a little trouble with your apprentice, Qui-Gon? What is he now? Fourteen?"

Qui-Gon groaned. "Padawans!! I hate it when they're at this age. It's enough to make a man ephebiphobic!!

FIN