Rating: Strong PG, to a PG-13, or a mild NC-17. Take your
pick. No descriptive stuff.
Archive: Master and Apprentice, yes; anyone else who wants it,
go right head. Please leave my name on there. And drop me a
line to let me know where it is, if you feel like it.
Category: Humor, smart-assishness
Summary: Fourth in the Padawan Story Hour series, Qui-Gon
remembers an interesting conversation with his
fourteen-year-old Padawan. Obi-Wan eventually sees the humor in
it.
Disclaimer: My disclaimer has a first name, it's G-E-O-R-G-E;
it has a last one, too, and it's spelled L-U-C-A-S! Put them
both together and it spells .... a potential lawsuit if I don't
own up to the fact that I don't own anything about these
characters depicted in the story. What I do own, is probably
not worth mentioning.
Author's Note: First off, this is based on a true life story
which my maternal unit ever-so-graciously elected to share with
me ... and five of our relatives and a couple of close friends.
Also, to everyone who, about five months ago, wrote to my MSN
account to praise the first of this series, thank you very
much. I recently moved back home and finally got into said MSN
account again. I read your messages, and I apologize for the
lateness of this mass reply of "thanks!"
Feedback: (self's brain sludge: Gee, do I really need or want
any feedback?) (self's common sense: Use the sense God gave
gravel and don't ask stupid questions. *Hmph!* If I wasn't so
*irritated,* I'd be *insulted.*) rogue10@hotmail.com
Qui-Gon stood blearily in the shower, trying hard to pretend
at waking up. Groaning slightly, he scrubbed at his face with
his wet hands and knuckled at his eyes. He was still so tired
that he didn't even flinch when a large, steaming mug floating
down over the rim of the shower stall startled him. Numbly, he
accepted it and found himself staring into a hot mug of
Corellian coffee even as he heard in his mind: *Drink up,
Master. I'm having one as well; we both need it. I know you
prefer tea, but in this instance, we need the extra
perk.*
The older man grimaced and took a long swallow of the
beverage, making a face at the taste of the pure, unsweetened
coffee. *_It's too early in the day for bad puns, Padawan. Have
pity on me. Is breakfast ready yet?_*
*And why should I take pity on you? It was _your_ idea to
seduce _me_ last night and then screw us both into oblivion,*
was the teasing reply. *I'm surprised that neither of us is in
a Bacta tank, never mind conscious. As for your question,
breakfast will be ready when you are, so I respectfully request
that you get your luscious ass in gear, my Master. I don't know
about you, but I'm starving.*
Qui-Gon smiled, feeling himself slowly waking up as he drained
the rest of his coffee. *_Luscious ass, hmm? I'd ask you to go
into greater detail on that, but I'm too sore to go there right
now._*
*Same here,* came the regretful tone. Then Obi-Wan's voice
brightened. *I don't regret it, though. It's hard to regret
something as wonderful as last night. Especially since you were
involved in it.*
*_Only hard?_* Qui-Gon teased.
*Okay, okay, it's impossible. Happy now?*
*_Much. Catch._* He floated the mug back out of the shower
stall and out of the bathroom to where Obi-Wan stood waiting in
the common room. *_Thank you, love. That hit the spot._* He
smiled at his lover's pleased reply, then got down to
thoroughly cleaning himself, ignoring the twinges from certain
abused areas. When he was done, he shut off the water and
wrapped a towel around his waist, then left the bathroom and
made his way to his and Obi-Wan's bedroom. It was actually the
same room he'd previously had all to himself, but after they
became lovers they had quickly decided they no longer wished to
sleep apart and that Obi-Wan's former bed was too small to
accommodate the added bulk of Qui-Gon's large body.
As the older man entered their bedroom, he grinned slightly to
himself. He had felt Obi-Wan's presence in the kitchen, but the
younger man had studiously made himself scarce. It had been
proven on many occasions that they were both susceptible to the
sight of their other half strolling around near naked and
dripping wet, especially after a session of lovemaking. So to
avoid any inconvenient temptation, Obi-Wan had remained where
he could not see his almost nude lover.
Shutting the door, Qui-Gon toweled his hair almost dry, then
quickly and neatly dressed for the day in his favorite pair of
second-best tunics and pants, then pulled on his boots.
Gathering his comb, brush, and hair-tie, he went back out into
the common room to find his Padawan meditating peacefully, only
half-dressed in his lounge pants. Smiling as he took a brief
opportunity to visually adore his lover's beauty, Qui-Gon
reflected that he was a very lucky man.
Obi-Wan's eyes opened and the younger man smiled brilliantly
to see his lover standing a few feet in front of him, regarding
him with a tender smile.
The Master's grin widened and he held up his hair accessories.
"Would you indulge me, my Obi-Wan?"
The Padawan's grin turned warm and slightly wicked. "Always,
my love. Go sit on the couch."
Qui-Gon sat and Obi-Wan stood behind him. He began combing the
long, silky hair gently, carefully untangling snarls. Once all
the tangles had been combed out, he picked up the brush and
simply stroked the raspy bristles through Qui-Gon's hair, over
and over as the silky strands dried further. From the contented
humming emitting from the older man's throat, Obi-Wan smiled as
he surmised his lover was enjoying the simple massage as he
usually did.
Finally, he neatly tied back the top lock of hair into the
style Qui-Gon usually wore and then leaned down to feather
kisses all over the brow. "There," he purred. "All done."
Large hands reached up and held him in place, squeezing his
arms slightly where they gripped. "Thank you, my Obi-Wan. You
spoil me wonderfully. I shall have to think of someway to spoil
you as well."
"You constantly do, my Qui-Gon, every time you tell me you
love me," Obi-Wan laughed. He pressed another kiss on his
lover's brow and then added, "Breakfast is waiting in the
kitchen. Don't wait for me, I've already had a quick bite to
eat. I need to get showered and dressed and then get to my
Physics fine-tuning class."
"Ah, yes. Good luck today on your project presentation."
"Thanks. Hopefully, it won't blow up in my face."
Qui-Gon leaned his head back to grin up at his young lover.
"It would be a definite shame if you were to somehow mar those
pretty features of yours, my love, I must admit that."
Obi-Wan sighed, rolled his eyes as he shook his head, then
tugged sharply on the tail of hair before pulling himself free.
He couldn't resist one more quick kiss, then he was gone.
Chuckling, Qui-Gon wandered into the kitchen and helped
himself to his breakfast. He finished and cleared everything up
just as Obi-Wan came out of their bedroom, dressed and briskly
toweling at his braid, then getting ready to take the comb to
it. The Jedi Master intercepted his student, smiled, and stood
patiently combing through the long, sandy-blonde locks, then
deftly braided them together, placing the yellow tie in the
middle and the red one at the end, as usual. He dropped a
perfunctory kiss on Obi-Wan's mouth, then gently pushed his
Padawan on his way.
Snickering, Obi-Wan gathered up his datapad and cloak where
he'd left them by the door, bowed politely to his Master, and
walked out.
Sighing, Qui-Gon stretched slightly, then gathered up his own
cloak and set off to get his own list of things done.
Obi-Wan waved goodbye to his friends as he laughed at some
joke Trisl'n had told, then thought for a moment. Class was
long since over, he'd taken care of the few other things he'd
been scheduled to help with, and there was now time enough for
a late lunch. Grinning slightly to himself, he decided to
surprise his master and show up suddenly and invite him to dine
with his student.
Concentrating, he used the bond to orient on the older man and
was led off toward a small, private atrium that was used by
some of the masters as a lounge to gather in. It was where they
could relax and talk shop and crack jokes and unwind without
either disturbing anyone else or giving the wrong impression to
the more impressionable students.
Still grinning, Obi-Wan dampened down his Force signature so
that no one else could pick him up and neither could Qui-Gon
receive anything other than his usual buzz through their bond,
and moved quietly along the outer wall. Then he stopped dead
when he heard Mace Windu speak up.
"So, Qui-Gon, have a time of it last night, did you?" the
senior Councilor teased his friend.
"Now, what makes you think that, Mace?" the rich, deep brogue
of Qui-Gon's voice replied, an answering grin coloring the
words.
"You have all the energy of a half-baked womp rat, circles
under your eyes, and you're sitting a little stiff. There's
only one thing I can think of that would cause something like
that."
"Yeah. I think its called Hot-Bangis Kenobius," called
out another master, causing the others to laugh. "Completely
incurable; no hope for it. You're a doomed man, Master
Jinn."
Qui-Gon laughed and said, "If so, Drix, I am happy in my
destiny. This is one bug that I never want to get rid of. We
plan to life bond when he becomes a Knight."
"Sith, he's that good? Spotty widgets, maybe you'll let
me-"
"Absolutely not." The tone of Qui-Gon's voice, while
still playful, also had a definite note of 'don't even think
about it.'
There was more laughter and apparently they all gave up on
that tactic. However, that did not mean that others were not
open for consideration.
"So, Qui-Gon, answer the question. Is he really that
good?"
"Take a look at me, Mace, and tell me what you think," Qui-Gon
countered amiably.
"How can I tell by looking at you? You could simply have low
stamina, old man." There came a yelp of laughter and the sound
of robes swishing as something was thrown, then the sound of
that something thunking into the wall against which Obi-Wan
stood behind. "Come on, Qui-Gon, give! At least let us know
what we're missing, now that you're monopolizing everything
about him."
Qui-Gon snickered and Obi-Wan's eyebrows climbed high as he
listened. It had never occurred to him that a master other than
his own would consider him in such a way. After all, he'd never
had any offers, nor even the slightest hint that it was
so.
"Well ... okay, yes, he is that good. Great moons of
Mark'ren! That smile, those eyes, that body ... and can he use
it! And it isn't only the fact that I'm undeniably,
irrevocably, non-regretfully and totally in love with him that
makes me say that. The lad is a living, breathing, writhing
altar of carnality and I offer myself onto that altar
willingly."
There were heartfelt groans of good-natured lust and
appreciation. All the while, Obi-Wan stood in the shadows of
the wall, grinning idiotically.
"And what he can do with his mouth...! I have never known such
pleasure before in my life," Qui-Gon added. "Although, you
wouldn't know it by when he was younger."
Obi-Wan frowned as Mace's voice asked cautiously, "What do you
mean, Qui-Gon?"
"Don't get me wrong, Mace. I waited for him to grow up. The
very evening of his eighteenth birthday, I gave in to my own
cravings, but I wouldn't let myself do that until he was of
age. No, my friend, I never once approached him until it was
halfway legal for me to do so, and don't even get started on
the other half of the legalities, because I'm not in the mood
to argue."
"Me? Argue? Hah!"
"The two of you are born arguments; I think you hatched that
way," another master declared amidst laughter. "Now be quiet,
Mace, and let the man finish. I'm curious now."
There was a rude noise that suggested an even ruder gesture
had been made, but nothing was said by anyone else as Qui-Gon
continued his story.
"It was rather funny, actually. It was when my Obi-Wan was
fourteen and..."
Obi-Wan's eyes widened. *Oh, no, please, he's not going to
tell that! He's not.*
He did.
Qui-Gon blinked, then leveled a puzzled glance on his
apprentice. Obi-Wan had walked past him in the hallway with his
class and that class's teacher. The young apprentice had bowed
correctly and politely at his master when they passed, but he
had also avoided his master's eyes, giving the older man a
strange, sidelong glance as he continued on down the hallway
with his peers, all of whom were regarding Obi-Wan with slight
awe at this public acknowledgement of the great Qui-Gon Jinn as
his master.
*_I wonder what the boy's got in his head now,_* the master
thought to himself as he turned to resume wandering down the
hallway. *_Knowing him, it could be just about anything,_* he
added with an amused chuckle.
He adored his apprentice, especially after the rocky start in
their relationship as teacher and student. That whole mess of
him not wanting the boy in the first place, then that really
screwy mess involving Melida/Daan, Obi-Wan's subsequent
leaving, Bruck's betrayal, and Xanatos' attempted schemes. But
after working their way through that, they had cemented their
bond and worked together very well. Especially after that first
month, when Qui-Gon had taken the boy back under his wing, and
had noticed that Obi-Wan hardly dared breathe around him and
was miserable as well.
Taking him aside one evening, Jinn had gotten straight to the
point of the whole matter. He faced Obi-Wan in their common
room and simply opened his arms wide, inviting the young
apprentice into his embrace. A stunned look of disbelief and
confusion had flickered across Obi-Wan's features, and then the
boy had lunged into his arms, burrowing against the tall,
strong body of his master. Wrapping those long arms around his
apprentice, Qui-Gon had bent until he could press his lips to
Obi-Wan's hair. "It is all right, Obi-Wan," he had murmured,
stroking the boy's back gently, hugging him firmly. "It is all
right. You are my apprentice, and I shall not give you up. I
want you, my Padawan. I want to teach you, and call you as my
own. I will not abandon you. Fear not, my Obi-Wan."
A terrific shudder had trembled through the slight frame and
he had felt hot, silent tears dampen his tunic front. Qui-Gon
offered unconditional love and support through their bond, then
smiled when he felt a fierce re-affirmation through their bond
from Obi-Wan, along with a great lifting of the boy's spirit as
relief swept through the young man.
From then on, the two had become quite close and so now,
Qui-Gon was puzzled at this somewhat shy response from his
student. He had no choice but to wait until later to address
it, however, as a minor problem quickly popped up.
Later that evening, he and Obi-Wan sat at their communal
table, as was their custom. They were silent as they each
worked on their respective projects, Obi-Wan usually doing his
assigned schoolwork while Qui-Gon puttered with something or
read and wrote reports.
The Master could feel a mild disturbance in Obi-Wan, but
didn't bother to address it. He felt that the boy would either
tell his master whatever was bugging him in his own time, or
he'd meditate on it, as he'd been taught. Probing at the
teenager now would likely result in a defensive coolness, which
would get Qui-Gon nowhere. He remembered what it had been like,
being a teenager. Not with any great fondness, true, but he
remembered it, and would act accordingly.
Finally, Obi-Wan looked up from his datapad and said
nonchalantly, "Oh, by the way, Master, I know what a blow-job
is."
*Total silence.*
Qui-Gon didn't even dare look at the boy. He wasn't quite sure
yet exactly how he would react to such a statement, and he had
no desire to offend or humiliate his student.
*_Well, this is certainly ... something. Okay. I want him to
feel that he can talk to me about anything, so let's just see
where this goes. Keep that stoic Jedi Master cool about you,
Jinn, and start talking,_* he ordered himself. Looking up,
assuming a casual, if neutral expression, he gazed at his
apprentice and said, "Alright, Obi-Wan, what is it?"
Quite seriously, the boy looked at him, then propped his chin
in his hand and replied, "It's something like sex, only you do
it in mud."
Two seconds later, Obi-Wan was peering down at the floor and
his laughing master with horrified concern and embarrassed
confusion. Qui-Gon would have tried to soothe the boy's
emotions, but he was too busy howling out his hilarity to
really notice.
"Master, what? What did I say? Was I wrong?" Obi-Wan asked,
then bit his lip as the laughter escalated in pitch and
intensity. "Um, Master, shouldn't you come up for air
now?"
It only made Qui-Gon laugh harder, even as he fought to
control himself. *_Sweet Force! Of all the things ... I can't
tell him! No, wait, I can, I probably should, but
how...?!_*
Finally, he got himself under control and he hauled himself
back up into his chair, wiping at his eyes as he gasped out the
last of his giggles. A few moments later, he composed himself
as much as he could and faced his student. "Well, Padawan, that
was one of the more ... interesting ... descriptions, I've ever
heard for it. However, I feel that I must prepare you by giving
you the truth, therefore you won't be quite so confused should
you ever run across mention of it again, as teenage boys are
apt to do."
Obi-Wan had his best diplomatic look on his face, but inside,
he was getting a bad feeling about this. The still-evident
amusement in his master's eyes and quirking at the corners of
his mouth didn't help to abate that feeling any. "Alright, my
Master. Ready when you are."
Qui-Gon swallowed a new round of giggles that were
threatening, cleared his throat, and began. "Okay, Obi-Wan. A
blowjob is one of the terms used to describe fellatio, which is
a sexual act between partners. It is when a man's penis is
taken into his partner's mouth and given pleasure by that
partner's mouth. As to whether mud is involved or not, is
entirely up to the people in that position and species. Most
humans, however, elect not to be in an environment with quite
that much texture to it." He stopped and glanced at his
student.
Obi-Wan had gone scarlet, an expression of mortification on
his face as he stared at the tabletop. He raised his eyes to
his master, then let out a low groan and hid his face in his
arms.
Laughing quietly, Qui-Gon had reached over and tugged his
Padawan out of his chair and pulled the half-resisting body so
that the young man sat sideways on his lap. He hugged the boy
close and chuckled. "Don't worry, my Padawan. At least it was
only me you told, and not anyone else, true?"
The sandy-blonde head nodded against his shoulder and he could
feel the heat from Obi-Wan's flaming face against the skin of
his neck. Smiling, he simply held on and stroked the soft,
spiky hair, rocking and humming a soft, silly tune, giving his
apprentice a moment to recover himself.
The masters were chuckling, now that they'd finally finished
howling out their amusement. Obi-Wan's face was as red as it
had been on that long-ago day as he stood behind the
wall.
"Good gods! I've heard it called lots of things, but
mud?!" one of the masters laughed.
"My Obi-Wan has always been highly creative, even when he's
not trying to be," Qui-Gon replied, pride laced with the
amusement in his tone.
"Well, here's congrats to you, Qui-Gon, and to your Padawan,
that he evidently learned the lesson well, as there isn't any
mud to be seen on you!" Mace laughed.
"Thank you, Master Windu."
Everyone froze and looked to the doorway. Qui-Gon mentally
groaned as he saw his Padawan and lover standing there, his
face set, still as stone, but the blue-gray eyes glinting
brightly. And the tips of his ears were red, leftover traces of
extreme embarrassment.
Qui-Gon opened his mouth to say something, but closed it when
he received a quelling glare from his young lover. A moment
later, Obi-Wan gave a polite bow to the masters assembled in
the room at large and departed in a quick, graceful whirl of
robes and was gone.
The silence became fidgety and awkward after a few moments and
then Qui-Gon sighed. "No mud, Mace, except for the stuff on my
face. I'd better go catch up with him."
"True, my friend, or you'll be living the sex life of a
Sereinedi Monk forever and a day," Mace agreed.
Nodding to his peers, Qui-Gon walked out of the atrium after
his indignant lover and Padawan.
The older man caught up with Obi-Wan in the smaller, private
garden Obi-Wan preferred for meditating in if out and about in
the Temple and not close to their quarters. When he reached for
the stiff shoulders, the younger man whirled around, his braid
whipping through the air with a sibilant hiss. "Don't!"
Qui-Gon sighed. "Obi-Wan, I apologize for embarrassing you,
but I would like to point out that I believe you're being
irrational in the light of the fact that I didn't know you were
there."
"Or what? You wouldn't have said anything? You would have
waited until I was elsewhere before embarrassing me behind my
back?!" the Padawan fumed.
"Yes. Despite what you may think, young Padawan, most of the
masters in the Temple are ordinary human men, despite our
training. We talk about our students and relate funny stories,
even the ones that are embarrassing to a particular student. We
take care, however, to try not to humiliate our apprentices by
keeping such stories amongst ourselves, or perhaps editing them
slightly in order to provide a lesson for another student. It
was simply unfortunate that you happened to walk in on that
one."
Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, then snapped, "Funny story?
Is that what it was? I was totally embarrassed, both then and
now!"
Qui-Gon grinned, ignoring the storm clouds gathering in the
blue-gray eyes, and chuckled. "Yes, my Obi-Wan, it was funny.
Come on, admit it, what would you have done if you had a young
apprentice who suddenly drops information on you like a Force
bomb, then be forced to correct that information?"
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to reply, then blinked. Slowly, he
closed his mouth as he thought about it. A moment later, his
lips curved into a reluctant grin and a moment after that, he
was laughing as well. "Yeah, okay, I guess I see your point.
You're right, the description I gave was rather funny,
wasn't it? Although, I don't know how I'm ever going to look
those masters in the face for a few days and keep my own face
straight at the same time."
"Just think of it as excellent diplomacy training, my
Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied.
The younger man rolled his eyes. "Trust you to turn it into a
lesson," he groused.
The Master merely grinned, then began to remove his robe,
followed by belt, sash, and tunics. He bent to undo his boots
as his lover's voice said, "Qui-Gon? What are you doing?"
Straightening up, Jinn gave his lover a roguish grin and
replied, "This garden received a rain shower recently. It seems
a shame to let all this fine mud go to waste, my love."
Obi-Wan blinked, incredulous, then began to laugh, low and
wickedly, and set about divesting himself of his own
garments.
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