Series: Follows on from 'Not So Unobtainable After All'
Fandom: SW: The Phantom Menace
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humour/Parody, Non Q/O.
Warnings: Follows canon
Status: New; Complete
Date: 3/3/99
Feedback:
Very welcome. I have hopes of improving my writing and that
will never happen unless I know what I'm doing wrong, so please
let me know. However I also enjoy finding out what I'm doing
right.
Archive: M_A.
Summary:
Anakin and Amidala decide that their marriage needs that little
something and that little something is Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Disclaimers: Nothing is mine,
Notes:
This story is the humorous sequel to 'Not So Unobtainable After
All'. This story will make more sense if you've read that one.
I posted the serious sequel 'Paving Stones' yesterday. This
story is about 1000 words, 'Paving Stones' is about 18,000.
It's almost enough to make me give up angst as a hobby.
The Story So Far:
Anakin is suffering from unrequited love for his Master but
discovers that Obi-Wan is still in love with the long dead
Qui-Gon. Eventually Anakin thinks he has accepted that he will
never have Obi-Wan and marries Amidala. All goes well until he
sees Obi-Wan in the arms of another Jedi and finds out that
Amidala is also in love with Obi-Wan.
Anakin and Amidala returned to the Queens's Chambers ostensibly
to get ready for the evening reception. Instead they stood
looking at each other in silence.
"We could always try to seduce him together," Amidala said at
last. "Seeing as we have obviously failed to succeed
separately."
Anakin stood back without breaking eye contact. Then, slowly,
he smiled.
**Later**
The Queen's Chambers were now set out quite differently.
Candles were lit, silk was draped, soft music played. All in
all, it looked quite the boudoir.
Amidala looked round the bedroom. "You don't think this is a
little too obvious?" she said. "Won't he instantly realise?"
Anakin and Amidala looked at each other.
"Nah," they said in unison.
It was the considered opinion of most of the sentient parts of
the galaxy that Obi-Wan Kenobi wouldn't recognise a proposition
if you dressed it up in gold dust and hung it over the
chandelier.
**Still Later**
"Are you sure they want to see me?" Obi-Wan asked Sabe.
The Jedi was feeling uncertain. Surely they would want to be
alone? It was nearly midnight and wasn't tonight an important
ceremonial night for the Naboo? He wasn't sure -- he'd drunk a
little Culox, a local brew that seemed to make him more easily
persuadable.
"My instructions are quite specific," she replied and knocked
on the door to the Queen's Chambers. The door opened instantly.
"Come in, Obi-Wan," Amidala said.
"Good evening, your Majesty," Obi-Wan responded politely as he
entered.
"Goodnight," said Sabe and she quickly turned away and ran down
the corridor leaving the sound of muffled giggles in her wake.
Obi-Wan looked around. Amidala was dressed in a lacy outfit
quite unlike what she normally wore; something struck him as
odd but he wasn't quite sure what it was. No need to worry
though, he thought, he was bound to figure it out eventually.
"Are you sure you are expecting me? I don't want to interrupt
anything...."
"Oh yes," she replied, smiling. "You've arrived just in time.
There's something we have to show you. Come into the bedroom."
And she led the way into the inner room.
"I like the way you've decorated," he said as he followed her.
"Especially the candles. It does make it a bit dark in here
though. Ah hello, Anakin. So what was it that you wanted to
show me?"
In the outer room only a rustling of clothing could be heard.
"Anakin? Amidala?"
Then there was a thump and a crash and the sound of something
heavy falling on something soft.
"Anakin! Amidala! Arg! Ack! Ahh... Ohhhh!"
**Much Later**
Obi-Wan slowly returned to consciousness to realise he was
sandwiched between two very hot bodies. But before he had a
chance to work out what had happened they also started to wake
up, and suddenly it all became very confusing.
**Even later**
When Obi-Wan awoke again, he was lying face down and alone on
the large, ornate bed with the covers around his waist. In an
attempt to gather his wits he looked blearily around and saw
Anakin and Amidala sitting on a sofa opposite. They were both
dressed in extremely regal attire. They had the look of people
who had just had a very satisfying starter and were very much
looking forward to the main course.
"Er..." Obi-Wan said worriedly.
"You'd better get dressed," Amidala said. "The ceremony is in
an hour's time."
"C-c-ceremony?" Obi-Wan stuttered. He'd had a tiring night.
"Well, you have just spent the night with the Queen and her
Consort on Consummation Eve. There is a very strong and
heartfelt tradition among my people that no man can stay this
night without becoming the Pleasure Consort to them both."
"The what? Amidala!" Obi-Wan cried, pulling the covers up
around himself.
"There is no coercion here -- you can just say no. All that
will happen is that my people will revolt, I will have to
abdicate, my government will topple, Naboo will fall into chaos
and the population will starve," Amidala said evenly.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm afraid so," she answered sympathetically.
"I checked, Master," Anakin added, without a hint of a grin.
"There's no alternative?" Obi-Wan asked his Padawan
desperately.
"I'm afraid not, Master."
"Oh, er..." Obi-Wan stalled. Surely his Padawan would never lie
to him? "I suppose I ought to get ready then," he said at last.
Amidala snapped her fingers and a bevy of handmaidens entered
carrying clothes, bowls, towels and a selection of things
Obi-Wan couldn't instantly identify.
**An Hour Later Than That**
Obi-Wan stood before an altar with Anakin and Amidala on either
side of him. There were an awful lot of people in the pews
behind them. He was feeling decidedly nervous and turned to
Amidala for help.
"You are telling me the truth about everything here, aren't
you?" he asked desperately. "There wasn't another option, was
there?"
"Would Anakin and I lie to you?" she answered innocently.
"It's just that I didn't realise that black leather trousers, a
coating of glitter, eyeliner and nail polish were traditional
Naboo ceremonial garb," Obi-Wan said, looking down at himself.
"There is a great deal you don't know about Naboo, Obi-Wan. But
have no fear, Anakin and I will be happy teach you everything
you will ever need to know," Amidala said as she tried not to
drool.
"Oh," Obi-Wan said and turned his bemused attention back to the
altar again. He was certain that there was something not quite
right with all of this but he still he wasn't sure what.
Behind Obi-Wan's back, Amidala and Anakin smirked wickedly at
each other as the ceremony was completed. For indeed, there was
nothing sweeter than the successful completion of a well
conceived plan. Well, perhaps, except for some of the
celebrations they intended to have afterwards.
In the pews watching the event, Chancellor Palpatine resisted
the temptation to stamp his feet in annoyance. This was going
to completely ruin his plans.
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