Archive: Master & Apprentice. Anyone else, just write to me
first.
Category: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Spoilers: Jedi Apprentice books
Summary: Obi-Wan finds something he shouldn't. My answer to the
Xanatos braid challenge.
Feedback: You bet! ghouses@yahoo.com or ghouses@mailandnews.com
Notes: Thanks to all the supportive beta readers who helped me
tremendously: Trinity, Mac, Robin, Raven, ADMAllen, Arye &
Tara.
Obi-Wan couldn't talk to his Master about what he had found.
After all, he really shouldn't have been in that closet drawer.
Yes, he was duty bound to pack his Master's equipment for
missions and other travel, and had done so for the past decade.
Yes, haste was necessary because they were scheduled to leave
for Talos II in only three standard hours. Still, when he
didn't find the comlink attachment in its normal place, he
should have asked Qui-Gon, instead of going on an expedition
for it in his Master's private closet.
During the three-day flight to Talos II, Obi-Wan's discovery
continued to seriously affect his ability to meditate, study
for their upcoming mission, and find his center. He simply
couldn't think about anything else.
Why had his Master kept it? How did he get it in the first
place? Why did Qui-Gon consider it such a treasure? For that is
how Obi-Wan found it, wrapped carefully in a piece of silk and
placed in a small, trillium metal case.
None of Qui-Gon's things - mission mementos, gifts from his
friends and his first Padawan - were kept in such a way as
it was.
Obi-Wan tried to think of something that he had given his
Master which was treated in a comparable manner, but could not.
As a young Padawan, he had brought home his share of art and
sculpture projects from class and they were displayed, for a
time, in the common room of their quarters. His Master still
kept a few of them, but as with all of Qui-Gon's possessions,
they tended to accumulate dust on the back shelves. Qui-Gon
simply didn't have much use for material possessions, and
carefully maintained only those items he relied upon for their
missions. Qui-Gon certainly valued nothing Obi-Wan had ever
made or given him enough to cover it in silk, protect it in a
precious metal case and carefully place it out of harm's way.
Obi-Wan sighed at the relentlessness of his own circular
thoughts and reread the mission briefing for the third time.
Concentrate! This thing was nothing - at least not any
business of his.
Their mission was to negotiate between a splinter faction and
the Talos government over representation in the planet's
governing body. It had gone well until the very hour they were
scheduled to leave. Their last official role was to attend the
signing of a new agreement ensuring ten more representatives
for the Selos faction and a more equal basis for taxation of
trade goods for the troubled region. In exchange, the Selos
leaders had agreed to disarm and drop their claim to exclusive
control over an important water source. Representatives from
all sides, and the Jedi who had negotiated the agreements,
gathered on a raised dais for the public ceremony.
Apparently, not all the Selos faction's members had disarmed.
The attack caught everyone by surprise, but only one
representative was hit by blaster fire before Qui-Gon and
Obi-Wan had their lightsabers drawn and were defecting shots
back at the attackers.
Obi-Wan was desperately trying to protect the representatives
closest to him, but the shots were too numerous, and he had to
make a split-second decision to deflect a shot destined for a
representative or leave himself open to fire. There was no
hesitation on his part; he protected the hysterical magistrate,
but was less successful deflecting the bolt headed straight at
himself. Part of the deadly energy bolt struck him above his
ear. Time seemed to slow as he tumbled gracelessly off the
dais. He dimly heard the barked commands of the Telos Guard as
they reacted to the attacks - the entire exchange didn't take
more than four seconds - and heard Qui-Gon shouting for him.
Then light and consciousness slowly faded away.
Obi-Wan awoke in an infirmary and immediately regretted it. His
head throbbed like...like..., well, like he'd taken a partial
blaster shot to the skull at close range, which he had. A groan
escaped him and a worried and very tired looking Qui-Gon popped
into his view.
"Obi-Wan, how do you feel?" he asked quietly.
"Please, Master, don't shout so loudly."
This produced a snort from Qui-Gon, and he reached out to touch
Obi-Wan's face.
"You'll be fine, Padawan. You sustained some nasty blaster
burns on the back of your head, and a concussion from your
fall, but I was able to stabilize you during transport to the
city infirmary. The local Healers say you will make a complete
recovery."
"How long have I been here?"
"A full day."
Another small groan escaped Obi-Wan. "Good thing I'm
thick-headed."
Qui-Gon smiled at the remark, and this simple expression lifted
Obi-Wan's spirits considerably.
"Indeed Padawan. And once you are fully recovered, we will
discuss the strategic value - or rather the lack thereof - of a
dead Jedi in the protection of civilians during a sniper
attack. It's admirable that you were willing to sacrifice
yourself to save another, but if the Telos Guard hadn't reacted
as they did, I don't know that I could have controlled the
situation without you."
Qui-Gon's words were spoken quietly, but his face was serious
and inwardly Obi-Wan winced. He'd been so sure he should
sacrifice himself rather than let a blaster bolt harm the
representatives he was protecting. He hadn't thought to
consider what would happen to the rest of the group - and
Qui-Gon - with him incapacitated before the attack ended.
"Master...what happened...after," he asked in a not-so-steady
voice.
"The Telos Guard were able to erect an energy shield around the
dais. Once the rebels realized they could no longer harm their
intended targets, they ran. By the time emergency aircars
arrived, most had been captured. No one except you was
seriously injured."
"And the negotiations?"
"The treaty is still holding - probably because the Selos
leaders aided in the capture of the rebel attackers."
Obi-Wan let go a mental sigh and felt a great weight he hadn't
realized he was holding slide away.
"Rest now, Padawan. You should be able to leave the infirmary
tomorrow morning. We'll depart for Courasant shortly
thereafter. I have to finish the mission report and brief the
Council."
"Yes, Master. I'm sorry, Master."
Qui-Gon's expression softened slightly, and his hand returned
to lightly stroke Obi-Wan's cheek.
"Obi-Wan, you let your emotions control your actions. In all
likelihood, however, you saved a life. You will learn from this
experience."
"Thank you, Master."
"Rest now. I'll come for you in the morning."
Qui-Gon withdrew his hand and dimmed the lights in the small
room. As Obi-Wan fell into a welcome sleep, he mourned the loss
of that slight contact.
Obi-Wan woke early the next morning and expected the worse, but
he actually felt somewhat better. The throbbing pain in his
head had dulled to an ache, and the slight noise from the
medical monitoring equipment in his room no longer sounded like
the engine roar from a Star Cruiser. He braced his arms beside
himself and slowly sat up. So far, so good. Something didn't
feel quite right, however, and he automatically lifted one hand
to his head and encountered...just his head.
No hair, not a strand.
The door to his room opened, and a healer shuffled in. Like all
Telosians, she was a short, bipedal reptilian lifeform with
shiny brown scales instead of skin. A small mechanical device
at her throat translated her soft hisses. "I'm Healer
Nelaresss. How are you feeling thisss morning, Jedi Kenobi?"
"What happened to my hair?"
"Your...hair...." she paused a moment, "ah, your decorative
fringe. Yes, well your scalp was quite badly burned from the
blaster shot. Much of the hair was gone anyway, and we removed
the ressst to place bacta strips over your wounds. It will
likely grow back."
"What about my braid? Was it still...attached when Master Jinn
brought me here?"
Obi-Wan knew the last thing he should be concerned about was
his hair, but he couldn't help himself from asking anyway. He
had grown his Padawan braid since becoming Qui-Gon's apprentice
10 years ago, and it had hung down just past his waist. He
already missed its presence.
"Yesss. I helped treat you upon your arrival and removed it
along with ressst of your hair."
A single clear, rigid scale covered Nelaressss's eyes.
Nevertheless, those eyes managed to convey a hint of humor at
Obi-Wan's questions.
"My Master - was he here while you treated me?"
"Yessss. He would not leave."
"Did he... Did he ask for my braid? What happened to it?"
The healer made a throaty sound that her translation device
didn't even attempt to decipher. "I sssaid your hair will grow
back! Do not be concerned!"
"Yes, of course Healer Nelaressss, I thank you for everything
you've done for me."
A sibilant sound issued from the Healer, softer this time.
"Rest now. You will be released into Jedi Jinn's care shortly."
The simple act of standing caused nausea and dizziness, yet
Obi-Wan was up and dressed when Qui-Gon arrived.
"Hello, Padawan, you look much better this morning."
Obi-Wan grimaced. "Yes, Master, if you say so," he murmured and
unconsciously touched his hand to his bald head.
Qui-Gon just smiled and motioned towards the door. "It will
grow back, Padawan."
"Yes, Master - so I hear."
Qui-Gon insisted Obi-Wan rest during most of the three-day trip
to Courasant. He staged a brief rebellion a few hours into the
flight, but waves of nausea and vertigo rising from an
attempted stretching routine quickly quelled his restlessness.
After their transport landed at the Temple, Obi-Wan was
determined to walk by himself to the Temple infirmary. There,
he was examined and again released into Qui-Gon's care with the
stipulation that he refrain from all physical training, submit
to frequent checkups, and rest in their shared quarters for the
next 10 standard days.
For Obi-Wan, the journey from the infirmary to their quarters
was an embarrassing one. He garnered quite a few shocked looks
and inquiries into his condition, and there were also some
friendly jibes from his peers. Qui-Gon walked slightly behind
him, reversing their normal positions. Ready to offer help, but
not insisting.
Once inside their quarters Qui-Gon promptly sat him down in a
comfortable chair while he made them a light meal and tea. He
carried the meal tray into the common room, placed it on a
small table in front of Obi-Wan's chair and then sat on the
couch directly opposite. They fell to eating and talking.
"What do you think Bant meant by that remark, Master?"
"Padawan..."
"Probably the same thing Nigel did when he called me 'Padawan
Windu.'"
"Obi-Wan..."
"Master, I will need to requisition a wig."
"Obi-Wan! You will do no such thing! Hair matters not." Qui-Gon
smiled as he badly imitated Master Yoda. They finished the
small meal and Qui-Gon poured them tea.
"Master...."
"Yes?"
Silence.
"Yes, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon prompted.
Obi-Wan hesitated. How could he still be thinking about
it? But then how could he not given the circumstances?
He had to ask, but couldn't bring himself to do so directly.
"What did you do with my braid after the Healer removed it on
Telos II?"
Qui-Gon slowly brought his teacup back to its saucer and placed
them on the table.
"Why are you so concerned about it, Padawan? The Healer said it
will..."
"It will grow back, yes Master I know." Obi-Wan couldn't keep
the bite out his voice, or the unexpected lump out of his
throat.
"Obi-Wan, what's all this about?"
Obi-Wan sighed and winced inwardly at the shake in his breath
as he exhaled. He didn't understand why this bothered him so
badly, but there was only one way to find out.
"I found it. When I packed you for our mission to Telos II."
Silence.
"Master, I shouldn't have looked in your private closet. I want
you to know I don't normally do that type of thing...I mean I
don't do it at all. I was just in a hurry and couldn't locate
your comlink attachment, and..."
"Obi-Wan..."
"...I just came across the case and had to know what was inside
and..."
"Obi-Wan!"
Pause. "Yes, Master?"
"It's alright, Obi-Wan."
"No it's not, Master!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, surprised by the
angry edge in his voice and in his heart. "Why do you keep it
like it is your most valued treasure and you don't
even...even..." Obi-Wan stopped and struggled for calm. What
right did he have to accuse his Master in such as way? And what
was he accusing him of, exactly? He looked up at Qui-Gon,
expecting a reprimand.
But Qui-Gon was resolutely looking at his teacup, with an
expression of sorrow.
"You mean why do I keep Xanatos' Padawan braid and wasn't
concerned about yours in the infirmary."
It wasn't a question.
Obi-Wan sighed. "I am sorry Master. It's not my place to
question you about...him."
"Obi-Wan...This discovery was troubling you during our
mission?" Still not looking up.
"Yes, Master. I couldn't center myself. I'm sorry. I do not
know why it upsets me so."
"Perhaps because it makes you question your place as my
Padawan. It shouldn't."
Qui-Gon finally lifted his eyes to face Obi-Wan. "I keep it to
remind me of my own role in Xanatos' turning. He sent it to me
a short time after he fled, enclosed in the case as you saw it.
The message with it said 'Don't forget, I learned everything
from you, Master.' And I never have forgotten."
Qui-Gon's gaze shifted downwards again, and before Obi-Wan even
knew what he was doing, he rose from the chair, and crossed the
narrow space between them to sit next to Qui-Gon.
"I'm sorry, Master. I didn't know. " A realization hit him like
the blaster bolt had. "Master, you must know that I
would never..."
A sad smile passed over Qui-Gon's lips. "Oh, Obi-Wan, I
know...I know you would never chose the dark path. The
prideful part of me likes to think that's because I learned
from my mistakes with Xanatos and didn't repeat them with you."
Qui-Gon paused, then began again slowly. "For some time after I
took you as my Padawan, I looked for the darkness in you -
expected it. At some point - a few years ago I suppose - I
stopped looking because I finally realized there was none to be
found - only light.
So I never gave you praise or encouragement like I should, or
let you know how proud I was of your accomplishments, or that
you were valued and valuable. Infinitely more than any braid.
I've been very much harder on you than I should have been and
made you prove yourself over and over when you should not have
had to do. I have only myself to blame for that. I acted out of
fear."
Obi-Wan looked at his Master's face in profile, and remembered
the soft caress of his hand the night before. Again, anger
flared in his heart, but it was a protective sort of anger, as
if he should be able to draw Qui-Gon out of this misery.
"You loved him?"
Qui-Gon looked up at Obi-Wan then with surprise. He knew what
kind of love Obi-Wan referred to.
"Yes." Qui-Gon paused, but Obi-Wan knew he had more to say.
"He suggested we might...be together...after his Knighting. I
know now he only said this in an attempt to shorten the time to
his trials."
Upon hearing these words, Obi-Wan finally understood the source
of his tumultuous feelings of the past days. He wanted
Qui-Gon's love - love beyond what an Apprentice should expect
from his Master. He had for some time. There was only one way
to find out if Qui-Gon felt the same way, but it was so very
hard to voice his feelings. Obi-Wan gathered his courage.
"Master, I've come to realize that I want to be with you
in that way, and stay with you when I'm Knighted - if I'm
Knighted." Obi-Wan looked away. "Can you feel that way for me?"
Slowly, Qui-Gon lifted his hands to cup Obi-Wan's face.
"Obi-Wan. You wish that? With me?"
Obi-Wan turned his head enough to kiss the gentle fingers on
his face. "Master, you are of the light also. Never doubt that.
You were treated badly, and rewarded with betrayal when you
gave only kindness."
Pause. Qui-Gon looked down at Obi-Wan with a mixture of
confusion, incredulity, sadness.
With trepidation, Obi-Wan continued. "I love you, Qui-Gon. I
didn't realize how much or what type of love I had for you
until I found that braid. When I thought you still valued
it...valued him so much I was jealous. Not a worthy
emotion, I know..."
The fingers on his face lightly stroked his lips. Obi-Wan went
on, asking his most important question.
"Can you let it go? Can you let what happened to you go
enough...enough to love me back? Or did he destroy that chance
for me?"
Qui-Gon drew him into an embrace that slowly tightened until
Obi-Wan could feel his Master's rapid heartbeat and hear his
breath at his ear.
"I never thought I would take another Padawan. I never thought
I would find friendship again. I never dared hope that the man
I grew to value above everything in this galaxy would feel this
way towards me. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve a gift
like you offer me, Obi-Wan, but I won't turn it down. I love
you too. In every way."
Obi-Wan drew back enough to find Qui-Gon's mouth. That kiss was
deep and somewhat awkward, as first kisses often are. They then
went back to simply holding one another.
"Obi-Wan. If we act on our love for each other in this way,
your training will be difficult. We will have to balance this
new relationship with our duty as Jedi. I am still your Master.
Our relationship cannot be one of equals until you become a
Knight - and you will become a Knight."
Silence.
"Obi-Wan, I need to know you understand this. You have to honor
your commitment of obedience to me as my Padawan Learner."
Obi-Wan pulled back gently and reached for Qui-Gon's right hand
with both of his. "I understand, Master."
"It is a lot to ask of you..."
"Yes, it is" Obi-Wan replied with a wicked smile, "but I trust
you."
Qui-Gon just sat and soaked up the love emanating from his
Padawan, returning it twofold. Finally, he withdrew his hand
from Obi-Wans' and pulled a white cloth from a pocket of his
cloak. As Obi-Wan watched intently, Qui-Gon unfolded the cloth
to reveal an extremely scorched Padawan braid.
His Padawan braid.
Before Qui-Gon could say a word, Obi-Wan pulled him into a
searing kiss. Somewhat reluctantly, Qui-Gon drew back; enjoying
the sight of excited blue-green eyes and flushed cheeks.
"Obi-Wan, no more until you are healed. I don't know what the
Healer's reaction would be if I had to return you to the
infirmary as a result these...activities, but I cannot imagine
that it would be a good one."
"Yes, Master." With a resigned sigh, Obi-Wan leaned back on the
couch with his head on Qui-Gon's shoulder; his hands again
clasping his Masters'. For a long moment they both enjoyed the
silence, opening themselves to the possibilities of their
sudden revelations. Finally, Obi-Wan spoke.
"Master?"
"Yes?"
Silence.
"Yes, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon prompted
"Um...his braid. It has to go. Today."
Qui-Gon laughed and felt his heart soar free. "Of course,
Obi-Wan. The case, however, is quite valuable. Perhaps I could
barter it for...say...a wig?"
He wasn't prepared when Obi-Wan tackled him and they both fell
sideways onto the couch in a mock and not-so platonic wrestling
match. After a few seconds Obi-Wan conceded and they quieted
against one another with Obi-Wan's head tucked under Qui-Gon's
chin, and his leg thrown possessively over Qui-Gon's knees.
"It's going to be an interesting 10 days, Padawan."
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